Dear diary,

I may have just realized that everything you do will always come back to bite you in the ass when you least expect it. This was a lesson I have been learning the hard way and only took until now just to realize it. Just when I think things are starting to get good, something happens. I'm now being accused of abusing my sons and husband after we reunited. It was an anonymous tip from someone. I have no idea who but I think it might have been Arthur who probably still holds that grudge for cheating on him... I can't blame him though. I did betray him and his trust so I guess this is him getting payback. Very good Krikland. Very fucking good.

I could just sit here and blame everything in the world for the way things have been going for me all I want to but, in the end, I only have myself to blame. If I could find a way to turn back time and fix all my past mistakes then God knows I would. Hell, I'd stop myself from being born then Arthur would be with someone else. I regret everything I did and I can never beg Arthur forgiveness. I betrayed him. I wish I could take it back. Undo the things that were done but, I just have to brave this world with a smile and hope things will get better. All I have to do now is lay back and take it in. This is what I deserve. I guess that's all I have to say for myself.

Francis yawned as he closed his laptop. He had no idea why he even decided to keep a virtual diary on my computer. Just another crazy thing he did. Stuffing his laptop away, he take a look at his apartment and take a moment to remember what he did to get here. So much agony and pain must be hidden in these walls. Francis remembered all the tears he cried. The blood loss he caused himself to shed when he felt the need for pain.

A knock on my door got him back to reality. Who could that be at his door? He walked over to the door with a pleasant smile on my face so no one would feel uncomfortable. He opened the door to see Antonio standing there with worry clear on his face.

"I got the news from Matthew. Is it true amigo?" A solemn nod was all that pretty much confirmed everything since no words were needed to explain anything. Antonio was speechless. How could this happen? Francis went back inside his apartment and was about to close the door but the Spanish man had stuck his foot in before the door could even close.

"Francis, I know you're going through a tough time but I came over to try and cheer you up!"

Francis scoffed. "How can you cheer me up over something like this? I'm being wrongfully accused of something here and I don't think I can be cheered up. You know, I just realized something."

"What was that amigo?"

"Everything you do in life will always come back to get you with something that impacts your life greatly or terribly. I guess we know which one got me." Antonio hugged his friend who looked like he was trying to keep himself from crying.

"You must not think like that. Things will get better just stay on the positive side of things and eventually things will start to get better." Francis tried to smile but his face wouldn't let him and he only cried. What's there to smile about in this kind of situation?

Alfred was at Feliciano's house. After some detectives came like the man said they would, he left the house after being pushed into an interview. He wasn't very happy with what was happening now. It's 2014 and already there was some family drama. Trouble just keeps finding a way to hunt them down and cause them problems. Feliciano noticed and kissed Alfred's cheek.

"What's wrong Alfred? You've been distant ever since you got here." Said teen looked at his boyfriend and put his hand to his head.

"Its just this stupid investigation. I feel like my family is being torn apart in front of me again."

"Amore, everything will be okay. You'll see."

"Tch. Nothing will ever be okay! You know, I'd love to see you going through a family tragedy like this so until then, don't even try making this situation lighter." Alfred snapped. Feliciano pretended not to be hurt by the remark but deep down he was. He knew Alfred was mad that this was happening but what could he do about it? Having Lovino as a brother made Feliciano very much used to this by now but he thought Alfred would be a little different.

"Ve... I guess that wasn't the thing to say."

"Now you guess. Wow, you're just so oblivious sometimes."

"Oblivious to what?"

"Your own stupidity." The words flew out of Alfred's mouth like sharp knives. Feliciano started to cry and that made Alfred realize what he said. Everyone called Feliciano stupid or said that he was a retarded idiot or had given him insults to make him feel insecure about himself. Alfred was one of the few who didn't call him that. Up until now that is.

"No, Feli I didn't mean that! I so many issues going on I wasn't thinking straight!"

"Alfred... I felt sorry for you. I felt sorry for you because of everything that happened to you. Every single little tragedy including this one. I thought that you, my boyfriend, my best friend, would never be the one who would hurt me with harsh words. But I guess I was wrong! And you'd love to see me go through a family tragedy like this? I actually went through one not to long ago!"

"Fe-"

"SHUT UP! My parents were killed by robbers in the middle of the night! They came in while me and Lovino were asleep in our rooms and they came into my room, I screamed and Papa came in and tried to fight the robber but then he was stabbed. Then Mamma came in and she screamed... I... I was so scared back then. One of them put a knife to my neck and said that if any of us screamed again then we'd be sorry. The other one went into Lovi's room and got him. I remember hearing police sirens... the cops came and told them to let us go but they didn't. Instead one of them stabbed my mother. Repeatedly. That's when the police came in. They couldn't save a whole family but the children survived. Next thing that happens, Nonno takes us in by his right as our grandfather and we move here to try and forget but as for me, I will never forget."

"Babe... I'm so sorry..."

"It's alright. I now have a grandfather who is always busy and a pissy older brother and to top everything off, an insensitive boyfriend who wishes to have bad things happen to me! You know, I thought you were different form everyone else but you're just like them!"

"I-"

"Don't say you didn't mean a word. You know, your father isn't the only one you won't be able to see until this whole thing blows over."

"What do you mean?" Alfred asked as his voice got shaky.

"I'm mean get the fuck out of my house." Feliciano pointed to the door. Alfred started to cry a little bit himself but left nonetheless. He truly screwed up this time. He walked back to his house just in time to see the detectives leaving his home. Wiping his tears away he dashed in his house and into his room and cried.

"I'm such a fucking idiot!"

"Why are you such a fucking idiot?" A voice said form the doorway. Alfred looked up to see Matthew standing in the doorway.

"I... I... Let's just say you might not want to go near Lovino for a while."

"Why Alfred? What the hell did you do?" Alfred was about to talk but then he quickly shut his mouth. He didn't want to speak one word about what happened. Matthew could tell that there was something that was wrong and Alfred didn't even have say too much but at the same time he wanted to know why he couldn't go near his crush.

"I'm going to find out about it eventually so you might as well tell me now."

"I really don't want to talk about it now Mattie. Just leave me alone to sulk like the emo asshole I am." Alfred was not in the mood to talk to anyone right now. The happy relationship Alfred and Feliciano had may have actually just been ruined with his words and all he could do is blame himself for it. Matthew could tell his brother didn't want to talk about it and decided to leave it alone for now.

After Alfred left, Feliciano had locked himself in his room crying. Alfred didn't have to stoop so low. He knew that those words were out of anger and sadness but none of what Alfred said was neccessary. Feliciano hadn't planned on telling Alfred his tragedy story that got him where he is today. In fact he told no one the story because of all the trauma the memory brought.

After the death of his parents Feliciano had blamed himself and he still does. If only he hadn't screamed then he'd be the one in the dirt. Feliciano often thought of killing himself but then he would think about everyone he would be leaving behind. He knew that suicide wasn't the way to go but at least his suffering and crying would finally stop and he wouldn't wake up with nightmares anymore. A knock on the door brought him out of his depressing thoughts.

"Who is it?"

"Your grandfather! It's time for dinner!"

"I'm not hungry!" Feliciano called back. He didn't even want to see anyone after what happened.

"Are you okay my little Feli? Do you want to talk?"

"I don't want to talk about it Nonno!"

"Feli please!"

"No!"

"Okay then. Stay in your room!" With that the sound of foosteps leaving were the only noise heard. The teen resumed crying and evrntually cried himself to sleep.

Francis had been having a bad day. Sure he got by with fake smiles and fake laughs but that was a mask for the pain he was really going through. Antonio felt bad for him and decided that they would get together and have dinner. Mainly because he was concerned about him. They were eating dinner when a knock at the door came. Antonio went to the door and opened it to see Matthew standing there.

"Mateo, you shouldn't be here! Your father is here."

"Oh is he? I just came to talk to you, its about my brother. I should just leave now."

"You don't have to. Just talk to me out here in the hallway." Antonio walked out and closed the door behind him.

"Uncle Toni I'm worried about Alfred. He came over today from a friend's house and he's been in a bad mood ever since. He won't talk about it to me and Dad tried to get him to talk but even he couldn't get through to him. What should I do?"

"Well... My best guess is you wait it out. Wait until he's ready to tell you about what happened. Okay?"

"Okay... Thanks Uncle Toni." Matthew hugged him then walked away. Antonio felt sorry for the boys. They were going through this separation and it must be doing hell on them as the investigation goes on. He walked back inside and saw Francis staring at his food. He closed the door and the Frenchman looked up.

"What did Matthieu want? Is he okay?"

"He's okay but it is Alfred you should worry about."

"What happened to my Alfred?"

"Something has gotten him in a sour mood and it isn't the investigation it is something that happened at a friend's house that he won't talk about." Francis started to cry. He was so frustrated. He wanted to be the one to help his son out through this. Unless he wanted to get arrested he couldn't go near the house or call them.

"I'm so frustrated. I want to help so bad but I can't. It has only been one day and yet I'm already tired of this. I just want to see my boys again. I love them with all my heart and Arthur... I can't believe he would do this... I guess I deserve it." Antonio held his friend as he cried. The Spaniard knew Francis was a family guy and if he didn't have his family, he practically had nothing.

"Shh... I know it is hard. You must wait this system out and-"

"Stop saying that! Just stop... You have no idea what this feels like!" With that, Francis got up and walked out of the apartment. How could Antonio keep repeating that cheesy 'You'll get through this' line? Obviously he wouldn't be able to function right as the constant fear for his sons would keep him from having the good night's sleep he needed. When Francis got home he instantly went to his room and got out his old razor blade. This was something stupid to cut for but it was going to make him feel a little better. He put it to his skin and took a deep breath as he glided the razor on his wrist. He did light cuts so he wouldn't cut through a blood vein.

"A little cut here, a little cut there. No one will see, no one will care..." Francis rhymed as he cut. He didn't know why he did this in the first place but it felt so good the first time that he couldn't stop himself. Then comes the near death experience then he was about ten years clean until his and Arthur's marriage went south. He'd tried to get help but the help could only work so much before he did it again when they separated.

After he was done he wrapped his wounds up and as he was doing this in the bathroom he looked at himself in the mirror for a moment. He hated this. He hated the man that looked back at him. This was the face of a man who screwed up so much and couldn't even help his family. With a growl he punched the mirror. He shook as he craddled his fist which was covered with blood and glass shards. He would need some help cleaning this up. Taking his phone out, he dialed Elizabeta's number.

"Hello Francis?"

"Liz, could you come over here? I have a problem and no, it is nothing dirty." Francis asked trying to sound like his old self.

"You aren't okay... Is your door unlocked?"

"Oui. I'm in my bathroom by the way."

"Stay there, I will be there in a minute." Elizabeta hung up. Withing a minute like she said, Elizabeta was running to the bathroom. She saw Francis there and gasped as she grabbed the first aid kit and started taking out the glass shards.

"Francis... Just why?" Francis couldn't provide an answer. He just wanted his hand wrapped up so Elizabeta could get out of here and be with Roderich. Honestly, Francis was just done with life and this was his tipping point. Meanwhile, Elizabeta was worried about her friend. She cared about him no doubt but at the same time she wondered what got into him. I have to get him help... He's going to hurt himself if he doesn't! She thought as she wrapped his hand. Maybe she'll do it tomorrow.

Me: Ugh! This chapter was just so bleh! I wrote this and I had writer's block so sorry if this doesn't make too much sense or anything but hey, at least I got this out and it is the first BPH update of 2014! This isn't the end of the road yet my friends, there is still more! Anyways, sorry if the chapter sucked and if you liked then favorite, follow, or review! This is Janae A.K.A. OrgyMemebrXVII signing off! Bye :D