Ohyaho everyone! Here's another update for you. In this chapter the Joker makes a visit for conformation, but he doesn't realize that the Batman is seriously injured. When he finds out, how will he react? Enjoy.

As I trample this city, alls CJzilla has to roar is this: R&R! Love... Hate... review.

AN: I own nothing of Colleen Wainwright.

"Being friendless taught me how to be a friend. Funny how that works."

Colleen Wainwright, Communicatrix, 11-09-07

Chapter 4

Funny Friend

"SHUT down that elevator!" Bennett barked over his radio as he shut the door to the ICU, pulled the blinds and got down to the floor. "Stop it from getting up here!"

"Trying-!" The officer said back. "Got it!"

A dead elevator would slow Joker down and give Batgirl and Robin enough time to intercept him.

Dick and Barbara came to a stop at the elevator, five armed police officers beside them. The two teens drew their weapons and readied their fists for the Clown Prince of Crime. It was in that second that the elevator was shut down. They heard the gears of the elevator squeal to a stop, then silence from there on in. The two kids held their breath and listened for the slightest sound. They heard nothing. Both knew the Joker too well to believe that this silence was him giving up. He had no choice but to come through these elevator doors and they'd be waiting for him.

Yin crouched next to her friend and chief of police. Both officers took the safety off of their weapons. There was no room for mistake; the Batman was too vulnerable for them to allow Joker through, if Robin and Batgirl couldn't stop him.

"I need details! HOW did the Joker get past the entire police force?!" Bennett snarled over his radio to the team that was searching the elevator and shafts.

"The loon hijacked a city bus! He drove it up to the front door and swamped us!" Came the response. Yin and Bennett inwardly cursed.

The Joker's psychotic evil seemed to have no limits.

"I want that psycho criminal found and subdued!" The chief of police hissed over the radio. "He can't get to us!"

"Acknowledged." Bennett put his radio back onto his belt and grasped his weapon with both hands.

Their mourning had to be put on hold; now was the time to protect the Batman.

Everything was silent and the time that passed felt like acid dripping down their spines.

"I need information, sergeant." Yin breathed into her radio. "Any visual on the Joker?"

Another acidic moment ticked by.

"Negative, ma'am." The sergeant responded. "The elevator is… empty. The emergency escape hatch has been opened."

"The Joker doesn't just disappear into thin air!" Bennett barked over his radio. "Are you working in conjunction with Batgirl and Robin?"

"Sir, yes, sir!" The sergeant answered. "Joker only had two ways to go: up or down. Batgirl is going south while Robin flew north. We are taking the stairs and fanning out. Joker can't get by us!"

Yin stole a glance at Ethan. A film of sweat formed on the black man's forehead.

"Proceed with extreme caution." The police chief took his finger from the push-to-talk button and gave a weary sigh. "Stay frosty, Yin. The Joker never just disappears."

"You're telling me something that I already know, Ethan." The oriental beauty nodded. "Protect and serve, no matter the cost."

"For Bats… I'm willing to do just that." Bennett responded, his face straight, serious and resolute. Yin cocked her gun, and in her own way, agreed wholeheartedly with her friend.

For two more minuets, the eerie silence remained. Both officers began to wonder if Batgirl and Robin stopped Joker already, yet there was no radio conformation; just the same- "no visual".

With their eyes focused on the door, both Ethan and Yin jumped when they heard the window slam open. Spinning both officers aimed their firearms at the window and pulled their triggers. Multiple shots flew through the thick curtain and out into the night. The noise was deafening, the flash of gunpowder lit up the dark room as the fabric jerked and danced with each bullet. It wasn't until Yin and Ethan had to reload that they found out they hit nothing.

There was a "thump" on the window ledge before the curtains were yanked off of the wall. Ethan and Yin had no time to reload as the Joker hopped through the window. Taking the curtain rod, he swung it like a sword and knocked the guns out of the two officers' hands. Their guns clattered to the floor. The Joker seized a curtain and twisted it just as Bennett got to his feet. As the bald black man threw out a punch, the madman whipped the coiled curtain around his neck. Yanked off of his feet, Bennett fell to his butt, trying to dislodge the collar of cloth. The Joker caught a kick from Yin and wrapped the other end of the twisted curtain around her foot. With a push she was set off balance, falling and taking Bennett with her. Yin's back hit the door and she fell over Ethan. Both struggled to stand as the Joker grabbed their guns. The insane harlequin dismantled the weapons before tossing them out of the window.

There was a second of silence as the supervillain stood there, watching Yin and Bennett peel themselves off of the ground.

"You wouldn't believe the paperwork I had to fill out just to convince the cops downstairs that I was the real Joker!" The pale-faced, green-haired harlequin voiced, a grin cracking on his face. "But after they saw my card… they stepped aside."

Joker flicked his wrist and pulled one of his razor-sharp joker cards out of thin air. Then he threw the card and it stuck to the door, inches from Commissioner Yin's head.

"It is visitor hours you know." That immense Joker smile was full-on his face as he grabbed the curtain rod again. Raising it above his head he swung and instantly crushed both cops' walkie-talkies. "And I don't want a crowd of police breathing down my neck as I see an injured friend."

With that being said, the madman turned his head. The Joker saw a mangled mess of machines, tubes and a lump on the bed under a white bed sheet. He frowned, disappointed since he thought he'd busted into the wrong room. The pitiful cop security was here, but this… bump couldn't be his greatest rival and best friend! This poor sucker in the bed couldn't be the Batman. The Batman would never be seen on a respirator!

Huffing in frustration, the clown's bare feet slapped the floor as he made a move toward the cot. He'd find out who was really under that bed sheet.

"HEY!" There was a shout. Joker had no time to turn his head to the window as Robin's heels rammed into his chest.

The Boy Wonder swung into the room just in time; the Joker had turned to Bruce's bed. The maniacal madman was vaulted off of his feet and through the observation window, across the room.

Glass shattered all around him as Joker was launched through the indoor window, out into the hallway and came to a rude stop on a wall. Joker felt the impact but never seemed to acknowledge the pain. Instead, he was just vexed as he climbed to his knees. Bringing his eyes up he saw Robin hopping through the busted window and pull a Bat-a-rang from his utility belt. The Joker scowled. Where was this little brat when the Batman was getting frozen and stabbed?

Joker had a split second to jump out of the way when the teen threw the weapon. The sharp boomerang stuck in the wall where the Joker's head was just a millisecond ago. The harlequin ducked behind the nurses' hosting area. He kept close to the ground as the teen threw another Bat-a-rang.

Dick Greyson's heart was in his throat. He HAD to keep the Joker away from Bruce! The teen drew the extendable fighting rod from his utility belt. Extending the weapon to full-size, Dick carefully approached Joker's hiding place.

"I won't let you finish Batman off, Joker!" He spat, gripping the weapon. Dick moved toward the small hosting area, ready to pummel the clown.

In a move he should of expected, the Joker flew over the island and gave him a haymaker to the face. The teen reeled and came to a stop in a line of wheelchairs. Dick blinked the stars from his eyes and held his chin. The Joker was just standing over him, hands on his hips and looking slightly irritated.

"Relax, kid. I'm only here to see Batman." The supervillain remarked. Dick scowled.

"Yeah right! See him to an early grave is more like it!" The teen swung his warrior's staff and caught the insane harlequin across the ankles. Joker was instantly on his back.

Before he had time to get up, the Joker had Robin's baton at his throat. The Boy Wonder had an expression on his face that Joker seen only a handful of times before; the look of deep impacted desperation.

"At least your at a hospital, Joker, because I'm gonna wallop you so hard, you-yo-y-!… Achoo!" The teen sneezed violently. That crazed, sinister smile spread over Joker's face again.

"Aw… has oo got a cold?" The clown joked. With a swat of his hand, Robin's baton was off of his neck and with another sweep of his foot, he took the boy's balance. "Is that why youwere absent while Bats was a punching bag, hmm?"

The Joker was once again standing over the boy.

"I wouldn't think too hard about that peewee." The psychotic harlequin grinned. "All you did was land Bats in the hospital. Seriously, why have sidekicks if they're never there?"

Dick gritted his teeth and rocked back to his shoulders. He powered his feet into Joker's stomach; the clown stumbled back.

"Hey, Joker, where's the Mrs.?" The Boy Wonder hissed. "If you're so preachy about good sidekicks, then why isn't that Harley Quinn kicking my butt right now?"

Joker bit down the pain in his stomach and stood, that wicked smile still on his face.

"Little Harley hurried off to her mother." The supervillain returned. "Yeah, she said that I'm paying Bats more attention than her so she's off with her dear ol' mum. Crazy, right?!"

A mocking smile came onto Dick's face.

"So, the mighty Joker's lost his control on a weak-minded woman. Slipping at your job, Joker?" The teen jeered. The Joker's smile never faded.

"Or was it, I killed her and dumped her corpse into the fountain in city square?" The insane man looked to the ceiling, finger on his chin. The boy's eyes widened. Joker laughed. "This may come as a surprise to you, pipsqueak, but- I'm a little, how you say-?… Screwy. So, how would you know if I'm telling the truth or lying?!"

The supercriminal guffawed, his unmistakable, ludicrous and wild laughter filling the empty hospital floor.

"But if you think about it," the Joker wiped his eyes, his giggles dying down. Then he gave the boy a batty stare and a cracked smile, "I don't need help to kick your butt."

Dick almost didn't have time to swing up his warrior's staff to block one of the Joker's punishing strikes. The masked teen did his best to block every wild swing, letting his baton absorb the clown's crazed strokes. There was something about Joker's fighting style. While training with Bruce, Dick was coached to conserve energy and cautioned against performing unruly hits. Keep your stance tight and controlled and keep your limbs close to your body. This was not the case with the Clown Prince of Crime. The madman always let his limbs fly in a chaotic and crazy frenzy that was as careless as it was effective.

Finally Joker got a fist through the barrier that Dick created with his baton. It took just a second for the insane clown to throw a punch that knocked the Boy Wonder back down to the ground. Dick heard his staff clank out of his hand as the lights above him swirled. Then he saw Joker, crouched next to him; the madman's image double in the boy's vision. The clown's marred, yellow teeth were still in a smile as he waved his hand above the boy's face.

Then to the side, Dick saw the blurry form of Police Chief Ethan Bennett quietly approach, a lunch-tray poised to strike Joker with. The teen's sudden look must have given the man's ambush away because the Joker held up his arm. The tray hit his forearm and instantly busted in half. Joker got to his feet as both Yin and Bennett started swinging punches at the supercriminal.

Well, both cops were back on their feet and giving Joker the full welcome wagon. Their fists and heels flew all around him, some even coming so close as to disturb one of his green locks! But all close shaves set aside, it was the same moves, the same desperate fight and it always had the same outcome. Joker chuckled.

"I see that there is one missing from this fray but… who could it be?" He smiled, feigning memory loss. "I know there was someone else; someone that's probably selling cookies and collecting badges right now, but I can't put my pale finger on it."

The psychotic criminal-mastermind did a back flip and landed on the nurses' hosting desk. He crouched on the upper level of the desk and smiled. Joker looked like a ghastly grimacing gargoyle as he paused in his fighting. And, just like she was asked to make an entrance, Batgirl kicked open the door to the stairs. The red-headed masked teen came running up the hall, trailed by six heavily armed SWAT members.

The Joker chuckled as he snatched a lollipop from a bowl on the desk and unwrapped it.

"Batgirl! Now I remember! And Batgirl makes this one big happy family!" The clown cackled, still crouched on the desk.

The Joker's infamous loud laugh caught Barbara's attention. When she caught up with Ethan and Yin, she saw Dick on the floor and the Joker calmly perched on the nurses' cubical, sucking on a lolly. The teen girl gave a loud gasp.

"DON'T MOVE!" The SWAT behind her shouted, pointing their automatic weapons at the psychotic clown. Joker pulled the sucker from his mouth with a loud pop.

"What? Don't like grape?" He looked between the lollipop and the gun barrel in his face. Joker grinned at the SWAT team, unafraid of the deadly weapons in front of him.

The harlequin laughed, rocking back and sitting on the desk, sticking his candy back in his mouth. The lead SWAT member gestured for one of his teammates to get a pair of handcuffs for Joker. Then an unlikely person spoke up, saving the Joker from getting shackled.

"Wait." Commissioner Yin held up her hand to the SWAT team. Everyone was stunned.

"Yin!" Ethan whispered to her, but he too got a gesture to stay silent.

The oriental beauty watched Joker lick his candy as she wondered why he was still here, even in the face of a SWAT team and a one-way trip back to Arkham Asylum.

"What are you doing here, Joker?" Yin asked finally as Batgirl helped Robin to his feet. The psychotic harlequin sat up, his lollipop's paper handle sticking out the side of his mouth.

"Well, I'm not here for the candy." He smiled, flicking the naked paper handle to the wastebasket beside the desk. Joker chuckled as he hopped to the floor.

Everyone jumped back.

"You have one last chance to tell me why you are here, Joker, or you're going back to Arkham." Yin was resolute. This was her last warning.

The Joker's smile faltered a little.

"You know precisely why I'm here, commissioner." The clown returned. "I'm here to see my good friend, the Batman."

His eyes darted over to Batgirl and Robin, the latter hanging on the former's shoulders.

"I saw Bats defeated by Freeze and Penguin. It was all over the TV." Joker gave Barbara and Dick a nasty glare. "He was frozen, stabbed and in a flaming building when it collapsed. I'm here to find out if everything I saw was real. You can't believe everything you see on TV anymore."

With that the Joker's hand shot back to the candy bowl and he pulled out another lollipop.

"Candy anyone?" A sick smile spread over the man's face as he held out the bowl to the SWAT team. When no one moved, he threw a lemon drop into his mouth. "More for me."

"But you ambushed the building! You drove a city BUS to the front of the hospital!" Ethan pointed toward the front of the building.

"Well, if I knocked, would you have let me in?" The Joker's smile was as wide as ever. The answer was obvious. "And as far as the bus, you know how hard it is to find a decent parking space at a hospital."

Yin stepped forward.

"So it's my understanding that you are here merely to SEE the Batman. Correct?" The oriental beauty clarified. To her surprise, the clown nodded.

"Bingo! We have a winner!" The Joker gestured toward the commissioner. "I'm just another civilian visiting a hospital to see their good friend."

Then he looked over the rest of the people in the hallway.

"If only the rest of you had a brain!" The clown jeered, laughing.

Over the Joker's laughter, the Boy Wonder stood up to Yin.

"He's lying." Robin hissed through gritted teeth. "He has to be. This is Batman's number one enemy! Joker himself said that we can never tell if he's lying or being honest! He'd rather see that the Batman draws his last breath tonight."

The Joker gave a guilty shrug.

"Eeeeeeeh. I won't deny that we're enemies, pipsqueak." Then the clown's smile faded into a serious look. "But if there's one thing about humor, it's that it's honest. I'm here to see my best friend, the Batman."

Then the insane harlequin cleaned his face, smiling once again.

"But I can see that Bats isn't in this hospital, so it looks like I terrorized this place for no good reason." Joker sucked his teeth. "So if one of you can kindly tell me where my good friend is, I will leave here without another bad joke."

To his surprise, they blinked at him. The Joker shrugged again.

"What? Batman was in that flaming building, right? So tell me where he is and I'll cruise on out of here." The madman said, glancing over everyone's faces. To his irritation, they looked blank and surprised. "All right; I've tried to be nice n' patient but this clown's got his limits. TELL me where Batman is or I'll gas this entire hospital."

Still nothing as Robin, Batgirl, Yin and Bennett glanced at each other. The SWAT team tightened their grip on their weapons. Now Joker was really irritated.

"I'm going to count to three and I better get an answer." His face fogged over with anger. "One…"

How could Joker not realize that Batman was lying on that bed inside the room he busted into?

"Two…" Joker's yellow teeth were clenched tightly together. "Two and a half… two and three-quarters… two and fifteen-sixteenths…"

Finally Batgirl looked at him.

"You're not serious are you?" The girl cocked her head at him, mimicking a confused puppy. Joker slapped his hand over his eyes.

"Don't let the clown persona fool you, Batgirl. I have my serious moments." He dropped his hand and glared at her. "And THIS is a serious moment. On my honor, I swear I'm going to gas-"

"No, not that." Ethan butted in. "You seriously think that Bats isn't here?"

Now it was Joker's turn to blink.

"What? Did I miss him when I busted in?" The clown whipped his head in all directions. "Did you guys all ready let him go home?"

Batgirl sighed and moved over to him. Joker was surprised when she grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the wrecked ICU room. Opening the door, the teen heroine led the clown to the bed and released his hand. Batgirl gestured to the man in the bed.

"No. This is just some poor idiot with tubes in his head." Joker waved at the injured man, dismissing him as he gave Batgirl a confused look. But she shook her head, her eyes soft. Joker still wasn't convinced; he gritted his teeth at the young heroine. "Prove it."

Just then Robin yanked the sheet off the man. Joker jumped before he got a good look person on that bed. The tall, muscular man was in a hospital smock, his legs bare, marred with deep bruises and cuts. His arms were laid perfectly at his sides and his chest moved up and down in the peaceful rhythm of the respirator machine. But his face…

Joker's mouth dropped open as he approached the man's side. The supervillain leaned close, peering. Though bruised and burned, the man had the same angular face structure of the Batman; the same face he'd seen a hundred times over. The harlequin recognized the man as his only rival and only friend.

"Oh, Bats." Joker breathed, feeling like he'd been hit in the head with a baseball bat. "Whatchya get yourself into now?"

R&R! LONG LIVE ROCK!