Ohayho everyone! CJzilla here with another update. Sorry, it's been a crazy week. In this chapter our little Laughing Bat teams up with Batgirl and Robin, even if it's just for a short battle. Enjoy.
As I trample this city, alls CJzilla has to roar is this: R&R! Love... Hate... Review.
AN: CJzilla owns nothing of Mr. Bukowski.
"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead."
Charles Bukowski, From "Betting on the Muse"
US (German-born) author & poet (1920 - 1994)
Chapter 8
Barmy Bank
Two o'clock, Gotham Reserves. One of the biggest banks in the downtown Gotham financial district was being stalked by two powerful supervillains. Across from the bank a masked man in an overcoat watched the wealthy hop out of their expensive cars and stockpile all of their silver spoons inside. Bane had been without a decent payday in months. Life didn't come cheap to this South American mercenary and the Batman made it hard for an honest criminal to score. But now… now a smile spread over Bane's masked face as he eyed the reserve. The Batman was out of the picture and the shoppin' was easy.
"Time to go to work." Bane said to himself, bringing his wrist up to his face. The criminal twisted the dial on his hand and the glorious venom was released into his veins.
In an instant, a black market steroid was pumped through tubes running the expanse of his body. As soon as the venom touched his tissue, Bane's form altered. The man's muscles rippled and mutated to gigantic, exaggerated size. Now able to tower over people and to crush the bumper of a car with a flex of his hand, Bane held a twisted smile as he stepped toward the bank. The mass of muscle moved across the street and as cars swerved to avoid the supervillain, Bane swatted them out of his way.
"No valor mi tiempo." The supervillain grunted as he tossed a car, with the horrified driver still inside it, across the street and into the fourth story of a business building.
Undaunted, Bane stomped toward the bank and broke through the gaudy entrance. Rubble rained over the people inside as the monstrous mercenary stepped into the extravagant lobby. People stared in horror at the tall, muscle-covered man with the red skin and mask.
"Out… NOW!" Bane barked, taking a teller's desk in hand and crushing it. As the desk was broken into tiny pieces, panicking people began running for all exits.
The South American man gave a scoff and dropped the remains of the desk as feeing people screamed bloody-murder.
"Idiots." Bane grumbled. At least they were RICH idiots.
Bane marched forward, aiming for the vault, cracking his knuckles as he did. But then suddenly he just stopped. Bane blinked. Why did his feet freeze to the floor? The answer came crawling up his leg.
Looking down, Bane discovered a thick vine suddenly growing from the floor and rapidly wrapping around his leg. Surprised, the massive man yanked his foot out of the plant's stranglehold and ripped the rest of it off of him. Bane stumbled around and caught sight of his attacker.
"Hell-O, big boy." Chirped a young, teen girl with thick red hair rolled into rose-like buns on the sides of her head. She was clad in a green leaf-like strapless dress and cocked her hips at Bane. "Come here often?"
The big man narrowed his eyes at the flirty teen. She was different; not a child of the wealthy so there was no reason why she was here.
"What is your purpose here?" Bane cut to the chase, relaxing his stance; she was just a little girl. How much of a concern could she be to Bane?
The red-headed girl gave a big grin and brushed her fingertips up her cheek.
"Why, I'm here to rob this bank." She responded coolly, setting her hands on her hips. "And I take it that's what you're doing."
Bane's yellow eyes widened, shocked.
"You? A little girl? Rob a bank?" The man made no effort to bite down a mocking laugh. The South American mercenary continued laughing as he turned his back on the crazy girl and advanced on the safe.
Then suddenly, Bane was yanked off of his feet and hung upside-down about four feet off of the ground. He barely had time to blink when he realized what had grasped him. Vines; the same vines that had wrapped around his legs were now around his bulky frame. Bane felt the plant constrict, threatening to pinch off the venom from reaching his veins and to a greater extent, squeeze the breath out of him. The big man gritted his teeth as he writhed in the plant's grasp.
"Apparently you do not know who I am, tiny." Bane heard the young girl's voice in front of him. He looked up to see the teen looking him in the face. "I am Poison Ivy and I've robbed a bank or two in my short lifetime."
She leaned back, pursed her lips and tapped her foot; she was waiting for something from him. Bane came out of his stupor and flexed his muscles. The sinews of the fibrous plant shredded under his immense strength. Bane dropped to the floor and glared down at the girl.
"Poison Ivy. Oh, yes; I've heard of you." The large man folded his massive arms, eyes narrowed. His face twisted with a thought that never left his head.
"And?" The red-head looked insulted. Bane shrugged.
"That's all, niña." He answered coolly. Then he dropped his arms and gave her a threatening glare. "This is my score."
Again Bane turned and continued toward the bank vault. This time Poison Ivy allowed him to move unhindered; she was curious and held back from flattening him for disrespecting her.
Bane gripped the huge steel turntable on the vault door. With a yank, the reinforced steel door buckled and he tossed it to the side like a crumpled soda can. The South American mercenary passed through the opened vault and began plundering its insides. Bane emerged less than a minuet later, sacks of money and gold flung over each shoulder; all that he could carry. Poison Ivy was seated on the crushed vault door, casually filing her nails. That made Bane stop and quirk a brow at her.
"What are you doing?" The South American questioned. The red-head looked up from her nails.
"Oh, just taking my time. Since the Batman's going to be eating his meals through a straw for the next six months, I can afford to take time and watch you unload my money." Ivy responded, a glimmer of spunk in her green eyes. Bane's eyes narrowed dangerously at her.
"I will warn you against making me angry, Poison Ivy." The man growled. With that he huffed and made for the door.
He heard the girl hop off of her seat and stand behind him.
"Better for a meat-headed juggernaut to be the pack mule than my plants." Ivy jeered. Bane stopped cold before slowly turning to her. "I was considering allowing you to keep some of this big score but since you don't know how to talk to a lady, you're going to have to find another bank to rip off."
The South American mercenary gave the girl a death glare. But he said nothing. After a long second, Bane turned and continued toward the door. He was nearly on the sidewalk when he felt his money being lifted off of him. Bane could have easily lashed out and grabbed it, but he was curious; who or what was strong enough to lift at least five hundred pounds of gold? To his surprise, he saw a large fern, its stringy appendages wrapped around his stolen goods.
His mouth steadily dropped to the ground before Poison Ivy walked out of the bank. The red-headed girl placed a delicate hand on the thick trunk of her fern and gave the gaping Bane a smile.
"A normal blade of grass can split asphalt. Just imagine what a fern this size is capable of." Ivy beamed at Bane. The South American mercenary dropped his awed look, which was replaced by anger.
"Return my spoils to me. Now." He hissed. At seeing a violent anger coming over the bigger criminal, Ivy merely grinned.
"These are mine now. Surrender to the better supervillain." The teen grinned as the fern brought the bags of gold to her. Bane had enough.
The large muscle-bound man began stalking toward Poison Ivy.
"Bane surrenders to no one." Bane stood in front of the girl, easily dwarfing her. He cracked his knuckles and dropped his hands to his sides. "Enough games, niña."
There was no fear on the girl's face, just a confidence that Bane couldn't help but respect- inwardly, at least. Ivy chuckled.
"Here's a better idea, Bane." She began. The she brought her hand to her lips and blew Bane a kiss. "You will carry the money for me."
The merc gave her a confused look; he was sure that this girl was insane. But then the half-plant/half-human girl's blown kiss wrapped around his mind and her mind-controlling spores took effect.
Ivy smiled when she saw that blank, obedient look wash over Bane's angry features. She reached out and patted him on the cheek.
"Good boy, Bane." The girl congratulated. "Now pick up the money."
Without uttering a word, the massive mercenary straightened and walked over to the fern. Gripping the heavy sacks of gold and money, Bane returned to the teen's side like an obedient dog. Ivy gave a contented sigh; how did she ever live without mind control? Looking down the street and up the street, the girl saw no signs of the police or Robin and Batgirl. Life was sweet.
"Come, Bane." Ivy spoke to her docile henchman. The merc gently wrapped his beef hand around the girl and placed her on his shoulder. "Let's take the scenic route back to HQ."
Bane took a step toward uptown when a Bat-a-rang whistled through the air. The weapon hit one of the bags of gold and bounced off the precious metal bars with a ping. The sack was shredded and Ivy and Bane's loot fell to the sidewalk. Ivy gasped as the gold fell at Bane's feet. She jerked her head upwards and her eyes widened when she saw the form of the Batman standing on a ledge across the street. Ivy couldn't believe her eyes.
"T-t-the Batman." She stammered, eyes as big as dinner plates.
"Withdrawing from other people's savings is considered a felony." The Dark Knight's voice rang out over the silent street.
There was something different about the Batman; his voice was WAY off and he appeared about five inches shorter. The girl laughed, rocking back on Bane's shoulder. Then she wiped her eyes and looked at the copy-cat bat.
"You're not the Batman." Ivy growled. "Just some stupid super fan trying to take his place. You're crazy if you think you can fight his battles, let alone me."
And then the man dropped to the street below and stood before Ivy and the hypnotized Bane. The girl got a better look at the cape and cowl. Her eyes widened again.
"I'd be lyin' if I said I wasn't a Batty super fan-," the masked man's pale mouth erupted into a yellow, crooked smile. He slinked forward, "or crazy."
At that moment, Ivy recognized who was under that poorly stitched mask.
"Joker? Is that you?" The teen squinted her eyes, peering carefully at the man. She should have known; that big smile was infamous of the Clown Prince of Crime.
Joker held his smile on her for a long second before it faded. His lips were straight as he looked between Poison Ivy and the currently entranced Bane.
"Shouldn't you be in school?" The Laughing Bat finally questioned, arching an eyebrow. Ivy got an irritated look on her face; he'd obviously stuck a very sensitive nerve.
"Drop dead, Joker!" The teen girl spat back, the plants behind her rattling with her anger. Then her expression turned darkly angry. "If you don't get out of here-"
Just then a small explosive sphere was thrown from the roof of the bank. The mini bomb hit the giant fern behind Poison Ivy and Bane, blowing it into tiny pieces. Ivy cried out, just like she was feeling the pain of her plant as it disintegrated. Both she and the Laughing Bat looked upwards. Perched right above the street was Robin and Batgirl.
"Game over, freaks." Robin hissed. He looked at Ivy, Bane and the Laughing Bat. "ALL of you."
Robin's face creased to an even deeper frown when he gaze settled on the Laughing Bat. Poison Ivy gritted her teeth at the two crime fighters.
"You'll PAY for that!" The girl roared, her bright green eyes fogging over with a dark hostility. As she glared at Robin and Batgirl, the smoldering plant stub behind her began to tremble.
The giant fern miraculously healed itself and branched out into four separate stocks. Each stock shot to the building roof above and crushed the marble building face. The front of the structure gave way under the plant's strength. Robin and Batgirl were now freefalling to the ground. Robin shot his grabble across the street while Batgirl clung to one of the fern's stocks. At Ivy's mental command, the plant wrapped around the girl hero's body in mid-air; coiling around Batgirl like a large snake before she hit the ground.
Robin a.k.a. Dick Greyson landed on the sidewalk across the street from Poison Ivy and the hypnotized Bane. When Dick brought his eyes up, he spotted Barbara in the clutches of one of Ivy's super plants.
"Batgirl!" The teen boy called out. He merely caught Ivy's attention.
The red-headed beauty gave the boy a smirk.
"Bane." She said to the mass of mercenary muscle whose shoulder she was sitting on. "Be a good mindless beef-cake and take down Robin and the-… Joker, uh… bat. I've got Batgirl."
Ivy hopped off of Bane's shoulder and stood to watch the spellbound muscle man trudge toward the masked Joker and Robin. The Laughing Bat merely narrowed his eyes at Bane as he began running and picking up speed. But before he could move a muscle, Robin shot in front of him and readied a Bat-a-rang. The teen hero let it fly. The weapon struck Bane in the head but didn't faze the supervillain. Robin let out a sharp gasp before he and the Laughing Bat dove out of the way.
Barbara Gordon squirmed under the might of the giant super-fern. It was no use; the plant had her in a vice.
"Well, well, Batgirl." She heard the chipper voice of her best friend, Pamela Isley or what she is NOW: Poison Ivy. Barbara looked up at Pamela, through the eyeholes of her mask. "If I didn't hate you before you busted me and my crusade to save the Gotham Park, I surly hate you now."
The bright red-headed high school student turned supervillain glanced over at the base of her injured super-fern.
"Don't do this Pamela." Barbara called Ivy by her real name. "You've still got a chance to redeem yourself."
For a second, Ivy's green eyes grew distant as she thought about Batgirl's offer. But then the half-human/half-plant hybrid gave a smile.
"You appreciate living things, don't you Batgirl?" The teen villainess questioned. "That's good. As soon as my super-fern squeezes the life out of you, you can be mulch for my hungry green darlings."
As those words left Ivy's mouth, Barbara felt the fern's grasp tighten. She did her best to resist the coiling stem but she felt her breath being pushed out of her.
Across the street Robin tossed several explosive pellets at Bane. The tranced South American mercenary kept advancing and blowing past every attack the Boy Wonder could throw at him. Bane then seized a car, tore off its hood and threw it shuriken-style at Dick. The teen held his breath as he fell to his knees, knowing he couldn't escape the car hood. Just before the flattened piece of metal decapitated him, a Bat-a-rang flew through the air and struck the hood. The make-shift weapon clanked to the side, tumbled down the street and sliced into a brick wall. Dick barely had time to stand when the Laughing Bat dropped off of a window ledge and down to his side.
"You all right, Boy Wonder?" The masked Joker questioned, hand on the boy's arm, helping him to his feet. Dick yanked his arm out of Joker's hand.
"Knock it off, Joker! I told you to buzz off and keep your pasty nose in your criminal activities!" The teen fumed, giving the Laughing Bat the stink eye.
For a moment, Joker's smile spread over his face.
"Still wound tighter than a straight-jacket, eh Robin?" The Clown Prince of Crime peeked out of his Batman costume. Then he pressed two fingers on Dick's chest and pushed. "I just saved your life, peewee. You'd be HALF the hero you are now if I was up to my same old shtick."
Dick swatted Joker's hand away.
"Shut up, you loon! You're on your way to handcuffs and a matching pair of Arkham bars if you don't BACK OFF!" The teen spat in the Laughing Bat's face. Joker just raised an eyebrow.
"Watch your butt." The Laughing Bat stated, face as straight as a pin.
"What?" Dick balled his fists, ready to punch the man. Just then the Batman's stand-in whirled his arm and cape around the boy and dived to the pavement.
As Dick hit the hard ground, he heard something fly down the street, break glass and making a car alarm sound.
"Watch your butt." Joker's voice was in his ear. So that's what he meant.
When Joker got off of him, the boy looked up and saw the rest of the car Bane was dismantling and hurling at them compacted on another car- down the street. Dick didn't have time to stand when he heard the Laughing Bat growl in anger.
"Enough play time, Bane." Again, Joker's disposition changed 360; now he was in full-on Batman mode.
Dick got to his feet and watched the Laughing Bat race toward Bane. The venom-altered mercenary turned to the man and began running toward him. Picking up speed, Bane and the Laughing Bat collided. The much larger Bane tackled the caped Joker and both tumbled to the ground.
Dick cursed at the Joker's insanity, knowing that he had to at least have a ruptured spleen. The teen hero raced toward Bane and the Laughing Bat, expecting the worst. Then he heard the hiss of a spray can and then Bane's mind-controlled silence turn into laughter. The South American mercenary's trickle of giggles turned into gut-busting, dangerous laughter. Bane rocked back to his knees, dropping the Laughing Bat.
The Boy Wonder was surprised to see the can of spray in Joker's hand as he stood from the ground, stiff but seemingly uninjured. Dick looked at Bane. The muscle-bound mercenary's head was tilted to the sky, his face disfigured with a wide, demented Joker-smile. This was exactly how the police found Dr. Kirk Langstrom! So it was Joker!
Dick was astounded but at the same time, disturbed; was this type of force necessary?
"One way to stop a freight train." He heard the Laughing Bat say, his voice steely and unyielding. Dick looked at the crazed man pretending to be his mentor.
He opened his mouth to say something when he heard his name called across the street.
"Robin!" It was Barbara and she sounded like she was on her last breath. Dick whirled in his friend's direction, horrified to see her getting crushed by Poison Ivy's plant.
"Batgirl!" The boy choked out, racing toward her. Scrambling for a Bat-a-rang, Dick let it fly.
The sharp weapon struck the plant, slicing half into it. Ivy, seated on the steps, gasped violently.
"HEY!" Ivy snarled. Suddenly the super-fern swayed dangerously before it toppled like a felled tree.
Dick dodged the collapsing super-fern and threw another Bat-a-rang at Poison Ivy. The red-headed teen tumbled to the side as the weapon chipped the marble stairs where she was once before. Ivy opened her eyes and was suddenly staring into a spray can nozzle.
"Pleasant thoughts, Pamela." The Laughing Bat stated and pressed down on the nozzle. A cloud of Joker gas filled Ivy's face.
She smiled and giggled, but as the Laughing Bat relaxed, she frowned.
"That won't work on me." The girl smirked. "And to ensure you listen better…"
Ivy placed her hand to her lips and blew Joker a kiss. The teen watched the man, expecting him to become as docile as a daisy. But the Laughing Bat's face merely twisted with confusion.
"There are no brownie points for blowing kisses." The Joker quirked a brow. Ivy's mouth dropped open.
NO one could resist her mind-controlling spores! Even the Batman fell under her spell! Heck, even when laced with kryptonite, the mighty Superman was bent to her will! In her shock, the red head felt something clank across her wrists and snap tight. When Ivy looked down, she saw that her hands were inside a copy-cat version of the Batman's cuffs. The girl snapped her eyes upwards. But then she saw the Joker's fist cranked back.
"Lights out." And the Laughing Bat raked his fist across the girl's jaw. Poison Ivy's ragdoll body fell limp on the steps.
As soon as its controller was unconscious, the super-fern relaxed its grip on Barbara. Dick, who was hacking his way through the fibrous stock, saw the plant loosen. He caught Batgirl before she hit the ground. The girl was squeezed within an inch of the breaking point but as soon as he saw her take in that first deep breath, the he too released a sigh.
"You all right, Babs?" The teen whispered to his friend. Barbara looked up at him.
"I've just been given a super-hug, by a plant. What do you think?" She quipped. Dick smiled; she was going to be all right.
Just then they both heard the wind move through fabric. The Laughing Bat was standing over them.
"Not bad for one day's catch." Joker grinned. "One monster and the creature she was controlling."
Batgirl sat up as Robin stood.
"You are deranged." The boy hissed. The Laughing Bat shrugged, maintaining his grin.
"Do I hear a "thank you" in between that embittered insult?" Joker cupped his ear and leaned closer to Dick. The boy took a step back.
"You took it too far, Joker." Dick stated sternly, glancing at the unconscious Poison Ivy and the Joker smile on Bane. The Laughing Bat had a stubborn look on his face.
"What?" Joker pleaded. "The plant girl is KOed and the muscle mass is laughing! What's with the face?"
Robin still had that angry look on his face. Joker crossed his arms and pouted like a child.
"I was just trying to help." He mumbled and turned his back.
Joker felt a hand on his shoulder.
"We appreciate the help, Joker." It was Batgirl. The supervillain turned his head to look at the masked girl.
"We really do." Batgirl said sincerely. "Just next time, be nicer."
Joker tried not to roll his eyes because being nice was such a foreign thing to him.
"Next time." The Laughing Bat sighed and managed a grin.
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