Hello everyone! CJzilla here with another update! In this chapter it's been exactly one month since Joker donned his Laughing Bat costume. Crime's at a low but there's one thing still fresh in Joker's mind. Enjoy.

As I rampages all over this city, alls CJzilla has to roar is this: R&R! Love... Hate... Review.

AN: CJzilla owns nothing of Mr. Emmons.

"Insanity destroys reason, but not wit."

Nathaniel Emmons

Chapter 9

Peculiar Peacock

The Laughing Bat crouched on the ledge of a building and watched the police on the street below. Across the city block was a jewelry store that had escaped being plundered by Ragdoll a.k.a. Peter Merkel, the triple-jointed contortionist. Now Gotham P.D. was loading Merkel into the back of an ambulance; apparently Joker Gas was bad for your health!

Joker allowed a tiny grin to stretch over his face. Another night in Bat tights, another criminal sent to the cooler laughing their heads off. Was he doing a good job cleaning up Gotham or what? Bat-Breath would be proud. Well, the Batman would be proud but his sidekicks were another headache all together.

Tonight Robin was especially surly. Maybe because the Laughing Bat beat him to another criminal? This good guy stuff was never Joker's style but he was proving to be a more prompt hero than Batsy's sidekicks. The Laughing Bat all ready had Merkel gassed and gift-wrapped for incarceration by the time they swung in. There was a flurry of embittered words from the Boy Wonder, some attempted damage control by Batgirl and Joker was left to laugh it off. It was the usual.

But no matter how many small time and big time criminals he busted, the Laughing Bat would always enjoy the looks of surprise. Who would have thought? Joker? Being Batman? Crazy! Insane! And after, their faces would twist with fear as Joker gave them a healthy dose of his laughing gas. By the time the police arrived each lawbreaker was tied, silent and happy to see them! The permanent smile on their faces was a clear indication that the Laughing Bat had not given up all of his Joker traits.

"My batty gut tells me that I'm going to see a lot of action tonight, kiddies." And there was a glimpse of the Clown Prince of Crime as a Joker smile suddenly brightened his face. "So stay frosty."

Dick Greyson sat in the Bat-Cave tapping the eraser end of his pencil on the desk of the Bat-Wave's computer console. The teen boy kept glancing up from his homework to the large screen in front of him. Dick was hoping for the Bat-Wave to ring so he could throw on his Robin costume and give chase to whatever crime raised its head. The raven haired boy shifted in his seat for the umpteenth time. Gotham couldn't be that well behaved tonight! This was GOTHAM. There were more supervillains per block in this city than any other city in the States!

"Come on!" Dick hissed at the screen. "I don't have all night."

Just then the elevator to the manor above dinged. Dick sat up in his chair and glanced over to the elevator. The doors opened and Bruce Wayne was pushed out by Alfred. The Batman's mild-mannered alter-ego had his left leg in a thick plaster cast and his current mode of transport was an unglamorous wheelchair.

"I don't think doing your math homework in the Bat-Cave will help your grades, Dick." Bruce gave his young ward a smirk. The boy's mouth curled into an irritated sneer.

"I'm just fine, thank you." Dick growled, turning back to his math paper. Bruce's smirk fell as he glanced up at Alfred.

His butler sighed and walked over to the teen.

"Master Greyson, your math homework does not include religiously reading today's newspaper either." Alfred spotted the crinkled, over-read Gotham Tribunal as soon as he left the elevator. He took it and returned back to Bruce's side.

"Hey! My method for doing math just so happens to include reading the news." The teen was defiant but lying. Bruce took the paper from Alfred and glanced over the headlines.

He'd read this paper this morning and watched the news channel; Bruce knew exactly why Dick constantly had it with him.

""The Laughing Bat: One Month of Gassing Lawbreakers"." The man read the title. He looked up at the teen boy.

Dick had a sickened look on his face.

"It is my understanding that it has been exactly one month since the Batman was defeated by Penguin and Mr. Freeze." Alfred spoke. "And thirty days since Joker has slipped into his set of Batman tights."

Bruce nodded.

"I've seen the news and read the paper. They say that crime has struck a monthly low." The man stated. Then Bruce frowned at the teen boy. "Dick, we've had this discussion all ready."

The teen shot a glare at his mentor.

"I'm not standing by and letting Joker make a mockery of the Batman, Robin and Batgirl, Bruce." Dick stated, looking irate. Bruce maintained his frown.

"Of I am aware. But until I am healed enough to stand, you are to continue with your life and duties and stop taking Joker's new look so personally." Bruce stated, giving Dick a steely stare. The boy pinched his eyes shut.

"It's not so easy tolerating that freak. I liked him better when he was just a clown and not a clown in bat tights." Dick expressed scribbling on his math test. Bruce took the wheels of his wheelchair and wheeled his way over to the boy.

Aside from the fact that he was the world's greatest detective, Bruce knew the teen well enough to know that there was more to what was making Dick churn than he was leading on.

"He's STILL a menace to society." Dick added, raking his eraser on his scribbles. "Do you know how many vials of Joker antidote we had to hand over to the police in one month? If Joker's going to take on a hero's role, we might as well start charging money for the antidotes!"

"Crime has also dropped, Dick." Bruce stated. "Joker's strategy is effective."

Dick shot the man a glare.

"How can you defend that lunatic? He's costing you money and a good rep." The raven-haired boy barked back. Bruce's face was calm. "Of all people, I thought you'd be fighting back."

Bruce glanced down at his plaster leg.

"I won't be fighting for at least another week, Dick." The man explained. "Though I'm pleased with the crime statistics, I do not trust Joker in the boots of a hero. But until I'm able to get back my cape and cowl, we are going to have to tolerate him."

The blue-eyed billionaire paused and examined Dick.

"Is Joker's potency as a hero threatening you?" Bruce asked. The boy sneered and looked back at his math homework.

"I'm just fed up with Joker trying to be like you." Dick returned glancing over his first math problem. "It's as disturbing as it is irritating."

Then the boy looked at Bruce.

"He considers you his only friend, Bruce." Dick stated. The man's face was expressionless.

"You're avoiding my question Dick." Bruce responded. Dick growled tapping his pencil on the desk.

"Well, I'm not so happy with Joker constantly beating me and Barbara to the punch, either." The boy added. "He canned Ragdoll about two minuets before we got there. And he hung around to tell us that too."

Bruce frowned, remembering the news clip he watched just before coming down to the Bat-Cave. Despite the uncanny resemblance and methodology to the Caped Crusader, the Joker had gotten anything but a welcome from the Batman's sidekicks. Someone had filmed Dick popping off on the "Laughing Bat". A bystander took a short clip sequence as the Laughing Bat was seen going toe-to-toe with Killer Croc, also known as Waylon Jones. The footage rolled and just as the Laughing Bat had gassed the genetically-altered ex-military man, Robin jumped in from out of nowhere and clocked him while his back was turned. The Boy Wonder went after Joker, allowing Croc to slip away. Bruce was not worried about Waylon Jones because he was later apprehended when Joker's laughing gas took full effect.

Bruce would never encourage Dick and Barbara to work with Joker, just to tolerate him. Bruce appreciated the break from crime fighting as he healed, though he never thought help would come from Joker. The Clown Prince of Crime was effective; cruel and vindictive but effective. At the end of the day, no matter how many times he cracked criminals, Joker was still dangerous.

"So that's why you're down here: to keep an ear on Bat-Wave." Bruce quipped, smirking a little. Dick looked up at him and grinned.

"The world's greatest detective, ladies and gentlemen." The boy waved to an invisible audience. Alfred sighed.

"You're not spending the night down here, are you Master Greyson?" The proper butler questioned, quirking a concerned eyebrow. "Because if that's the case, I shall fetch a sleeping bag."

Bruce and Dick quirked a brow at the butler.

"No, not necessary Alfred." Bruce waved his hand in an answer. "Dick will spend the night, in his own bed."

He gave the boy a look that allowed no argument.

"I just want to get one up on the clown. Just ONE." Dick held up a finger and made a pleading face. Then he turned back to the super computer. "As soon as this baby rings, I'm outta here!"

Bruce and Alfred exchanged glances and gave silent sighs. There was no ripping Dick away from the Bat-Wave. If they were lucky, the Bat-Wave would never ring and the teen would fall asleep. But it promised to be a restless night.

Across town an abandoned warehouse stood next to a busy train system and the Gotham Bay. Once a bustling storage center for one of Gotham's now extinct fishing industries, the vast building was now owned by the city. Though this building had been forsaken and no longer used by an honest business, it was far from empty. Now the only residences of this untouched quarter were of the criminal sort and the only living that ever saw this barren place only met with an early demise. The huge building seemed quiet and welcoming as it shone with city lights, daring anyone for a visit. From within the deserted structure, a shrill voice occasionally pierced the foreboding silence of the docks.

Upon entering the abandoned building, a visitor could be temporarily blinded by the brilliance of a large bird-based treasure simply dumped in the middle of the second floor. But you'd have to be a total fool to start shoving gold coins and precious gems into your pockets. There was a bad-tempered owner to all this wealth; an owner that would rather say goodbye than hello.

"I don't really care what's on the pizza!" Oswald Cobblepot yelled at his two Kabuki assistants, Peri and Gale. "I'm SO hungry, I don't give a feather if there's chicken on it!"

The twin girls stood there like statues, without staying a word, their expressions hidden behind their white masks. Oswald Cobblepot a.k.a. Penguin felt his stomach cramp and then lurch with hunger. The portly, red-headed man tapped his chin with his finger as he gazed out the window.

"Just get me the biggest pizza within the neighborhood." The man glanced at his twin assistants. "But be sure not to draw ANY attention. If you two are caught by the Laughing Bat, don't bring him back to me! I don't want that crackpot to come by and gas me."

Oswald waved his had disinterestedly, dismissing Peri and Gale. The two Kabuki Twins gave their blade-fingers a quiet rake, acknowledging their boss. With that the two girls zipped to the door without making a sound. Though overqualified for running food errands, better the Kabuki Twins than him.

Since Joker took on the Batman's responsibilities, every criminal in Gotham was afraid of getting caught and gassed. That wasn't a way Oswald wanted to go: smiling to death. He'd seen what the clown's laughing gas could do; the first time Joker donned cape and cowl of the Dark Knight, Penguin was accidentally injected with Joker's venom. The memory of laughing and laughing, WAY past his sides hurting, and not being able to stop still haunted the man. It wasn't until he got the antidote that he appreciated a good frown once in a while.

So was Penguin hiding? Uh… no; just laying low until the heat was off.

Penguin hopped up on one of the random crates lying around that third floor of the abandoned building and stared out the nearest window. He was happy to put Bat-jerk in intensive care; his umbrella knife through the chest would give him something to think about for a long time. But there wasn't even time for anyone to really enjoy a Bat-free Gotham. Now the Laughing Bat put batty fears in every criminal's head. The first to fall at Joker's hand: Man-Bat! Then Catwoman, Bane and Poison Ivy; not even mentioning Ragdoll, Killer Croc and Killer Moth! ALL taken down by Joker. Oswald wanted the original Batman back! At least he didn't gas criminals, just gave them a humiliating defeat and a rubber room in Arkham.

Ozzy felt the heat. HE and Mr. Freeze were the ones that put the Batman in the hospital. It was obvious that Joker cared for Batman, as sick and twisted as that may be. Everybody knew that the Clown Prince of Crime thought it his destiny to put Bat-jerk in his grave and that Joker would sooner be dipped in hot oil than let someone like Freeze and Penguin send him there first.

Oswald couldn't help but feel like the Joker had something especially dangerous coming his way. So every waking moment he was jumpy, irritable and anxious. The Laughing Bat could be anywhere, waiting to gas him or do something much, much worse.

From above him, there was an open skylight. The night city breeze carried away the stuffiness of this musky building. Built next to the Gotham Bay, the rooms always had a moldy smell and needed constant venting. As Oswald stared off to the left, a hunger haze over his brain, he didn't think to bring his eyes upward until he felt something tap the crate he was sitting on. Looking up, Penguin was horrified to see the Laughing Bat looking down at him.

"HOLY-!" The short man yelped, falling off of the crate.

Joker's straight face spread into a grin. Penguin wasn't the most alert bird in the roost. But when the short, red-headed, green-eyed man stood, the Laughing Bat cleaned his face.

"Holy blackbirds in a pie! Joker! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Oswald Cobblepot looked angered and near the verge of wetting his pants. The Laughing Bat gave a tiny smirk; it was just so hard not to laugh around Penguin. "What's the deal?!"

"A little high strung, eh Pengy?" The masked Joker quipped. Penguin straightened his tall, crooked top hat and frowned.

"Oh, and you're not?" The rude, selfish, arrogant and homely red-head growled. "The Batman takes a trip to the hospital and not even two hours later, you're running around in a muscle suit. Stop and smell the Bat-jerk free-flowers, Jokester. Gotham is Caped Crusader-less!"

Oswald immediately regretted his words when he saw the Laughing Bat's frown deepen dangerously.

"That's where you're wrong, Penguin." His voice hit a serious, deeply angered tone. "Until the Batman is on his feet again, you're looking at his replacement."

Penguin swallowed and took a step backwards. Joker advanced.

"And I have you and Mr. Freeze to thank for sending my best friend through emergency." The Laughing Bat gnarled, kicking the crate out of his way. The speeding wooden box flew through the air and hit a wall, splintering into a million pieces. "Joker saw the news and let me tell you, he's one very, very angry clown."

The short man continued to walk backwards, his mind racing for options.

"Beaten, frozen, stabbed and thrown into a collapsing building; the fault of a Penguin and Mr. Freeze team-up." The Laughing Bat added. "I see it only fit to enforce the timeless eye-for-eye-and-tooth-for-tooth bit. After all, I am the Batman."

Penguin gritted his jagged teeth at the clown.

"You're outta your gourd!" The man remarked. "You're no more the Batman than I am a peacock!"

"You're not even a peacock, Penguin; just a dead duck." The Laughing Bat responded. Then Penguin's back hit the window; he could go no further.

Joker stood a pace away from him, his hands not seen from under that cloak. Oswald was stuck, with no where to go.

"But the way I see it-" The Laughing Bat suddenly said, "it's a little unfair to pick off the two members of the Penguin/Freeze team up one by one. I want to take both of you on together."

Suddenly Joker lashed forward, shoving Penguin so hard that he busted out of the window.

Oswald Cobblepot was free falling OFF of the stinkin' building to the STREET! And just before his head past the second story, a tether cable wrapped around his legs and snapped taunt. Penguin avoided injury but just by a hair. Giving a whimper of relief, the short supervillain felt himself being pulled upwards, and then he was suddenly suspended.

"I want a rematch, Pengy!" He heard Joker called down to him. Penguin looked upward and saw the Laughing Bat on the rooftop.

The crazed clown's tether was the only thing holding Penguin from splattering on the street. And then to Oswald's horror, he saw his black and grey stripped tuxedo pants in Joker's grasp. Then he recognized a breeze that should not exist.

"And tell your frosty buddy that I want him too. I have no problem hunting both of you down if you fail to show up!" The Laughing Bat threatened. Then he gave a loud, gut-busting laugh before leaping to the adjacent building and disappearing from out of sight.

Penguin gave a weary sigh of relief. He was pantsed and hung upside-down like a piñata but at least he wasn't gassed. Joker's twisted mind was even sicker than he once thought. He actually thought he was the Batman! And now the Laughing Bat wanted a match between him and Mr. Freeze. Penguin weighed his options for a quick second before a grin spread over his face.

"The original Batman couldn't even take me an' Freeze. How could a cheap knock off last five seconds between the two of us?" Oswald chuckled to himself. "We get rid of the Batman AND Joker. Eliminate the city's stiff-lipped protector and the nuttiest supervillain all in one go."

The red-headed man gave a cackle and hung there. Peri and Gale would be back soon with food; they'd get him down. Penguin would steal a couple slices of pizza before he'd contact Freeze. Maybe the popsicle would be interested in collaborating once more and taking out some criminal competition.

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