Trigger warnings: Rape, Self-Harm

Nothing prepared him for what he saw when he entered the lavatory. It was Yao, laying in the bathtub. The bath water was red, instead of the clear it always should be. Dangling out of the Chinese man's hand, Arthur could see the blood stained razor and there were still a few tiny droplets of blood falling. He couldn't move. He was stuck in place at the sight of his friend laying in the tub in a combined mixture of bath water and his own blood as a result of the many cuts that were probably on his friend's body. What could have possessed Yao to do this to himself? It made Arthur silently wonder until he realized what caused him to this.

Their break-up but, more over, he did. Arthur caused this to happen. He couldn't do nothing but stand there as he silently blamed himself for this. Had he apologized for cheating or stopped himself from agreeing to it, none of this would have happened. Things would still be fine and Yao wouldn't have more scars than he already has. Wasting no more time than he probably already was standing there, Arthur rushed over to his best friend and tried to check for a pulse. When he couldn't find one his heart started to pick up speed as he quickly took his phone out.

"I need an ambulance!... My roommate is bleeding to death in the bathtub and I couldn't find a pulse on him! Hurry up and get him an ambulance!... No I will NOT calm down! He's slowly dying!... Thank you, I hear them coming in now!" Paramedics came in the home and up to the bathroom and pushed Arthur out of the way so they could lift Yao's naked and scarred body onto a stretcher. As quickly as they came they left and Arthur was following right behind them. He made sure to call Ivan and tell him that he wasn't going to be in today. When he was asked why he said it was an emergency that needed his attention then hung up.

Yao had to be ok. He just had to be. The British man's troubled mind couldn't handle it if Yao died and the cause of death would be suicide from a broken heart. Tears started to form in his eyes as he began to think how if Yao died, his blood would be on his hands. Yao couldn't die... could he?No! The paramedics were doing everything they could for him until they got to the hospital! That will give him a small chance at hanging on until they get there. Hang on Yao... Arthur thought as they got to the hospital. He followed the ambulance to the emergency entrance and went inside. Arthur wanted to follow them into surgery but he couldn't go in because he wasn't a doctor or nurse and he wasn't in the emotional condition to go in if he could.

To cool himself off and try to calm himself down a little, he went to the cafeteria and got a little something to eat. He was sitting by himself eating and worrying about Yao at the same time when someone sat across from him. Green eyes, dulled with sadness, looked up to see a man with tanned skin who was in normal street clothes and had an IV in his arm. His own green eyes were just as dulled as Arthur's but he held a smile on his face.

"Hola."

"Hi. Who are you?"

"I'm Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. Most people I know call me Toni." Arthur lightly smiled at his nickname but then his mind traveled back to Yao. He wondered what was going on in there and wanted to go and see but he wasn't allowed to do anything of the sort.

"So, what's your name?"

"Oh, I'm Arthur."

"What are you here for Arthur?" His mouth opened to answer but the he closed it. After what he saw, there was no way he was going to retell the sad tale. Especially to someone he just met. At such a scary moment in his life, he didn't need the guilt trip.

"Let's just say... I found a... friend of mine trying to hurt himself and I had to call an ambulance for him. He's in surgery and I don't know if he'll make it, I mean, I found him in pretty bad shape. I'm just praying they're able to revive him so he can live."

"I'm so sorry. Do you know what happened?"

"No." Arthur lied, "All I knew what when I went to our shared home he was sitting in the bathtub and the water was mixed with his blood and he was holding a razor blade in his hands. I tried to ask him what happened and he didn't answer. I'd rather not talk about it. So, why are you here? You don't look like there's anything wrong with you. Are you donating an organ?" Antonio chuckled and ran a hand through his hair.

"No. I'm here for chemotherapy. I've been fighting brain cancer for seven years now and just recently another one was found. I went into surgery a few weeks ago and they got the tumor. I was on a really low death risk but I survived again. The only reason I'm going to chemo is to stop another one before it grows."

Arthur couldn't believe it. He looked so happy but through what he was going through, he was happy. The blond had met his fair share of cancer sufferers of many types, liver and stomach, and they were all very miserable with their health. Some were even begging him to end their suffering where it was and take their lives so they can be free. Though Arthur never ended their lives like they asked him to, he clearly saw their pain yet here was Antonio, smiling like it doesn't bother him.

"How are you so happy? I mean, you've been battling brain cancer for seven years and you're going though chemo now. How are you so happy suffering?" Antonio fiddled with the IV in is arm a little before he answered.

"I always looked at the positive side in life. I'm a very optimistic man and for me, there's always a hope in the future. There have been a few times when I've doubted everything in life and wanted to give up but I have amazing people around me who care about me and will cheer me up and stick by me when I need them most. What's there for me to be sad about if I have that to distract me from the pain?"

"It's just that..."

"You thought I'd be miserable? Have you ever seen the parents of children who have cancer like I do? Have you ever seen the people with the rare forms of cancer no one gets? I'm not as miserable as they are. I've gotten tumors bad a couple times but not as bad as they have it. The thought that the cancer could get even worse scares the hell out of me but I look at everyone else who has it worse and I can't help but be grateful but sad at the same time. Now, I have to go. Chemo is going to start and I don't need any of the nurses here chopping my head off!" Just like that, Antonio left. With his presence now gone it left Arthur to think. Maybe there was always a bright side. He had been so focused on the many bad things that could happen to Yao that he had no room for the good thoughts. There was a bright side. There had to be a bright side. There was always a bright side, right? I should really go back to therapy... Arthur thought as he ran a hand through his tousled hair. He was really screwed up and needed to tell someone his problems.

(Alright, gonna pause here real quick. So that no one complains and ends up putting that into either review or report, I'm gonna warn that some disturbing content is coming up. If you don't want to read it then be my guest and skip until you see the next set of bold letters but if you want to read then its all good, just please don't hate me for putting this in!)

Matthew was having a bad day at school. All day everyone had been making fun of him because he was wearing a dress. He'd been shoved into lockers and thrown disgusted glares but none of it bothered him. They called him a girl and he was just embracing his inner girl and not denying who he was. That's all there was to it, right? He didn't care. As long as he was comfortable with it then he was going to be okay.

After gym class he had been leaving when the gym teacher, Mr. Norris, called him into his office to talk. He went in and sat down in the desk in front of him. Mr. Norris got up and closed the door and locked it. Matthew felt a little nervous when the door closed and moved to get up but he was pushed down to the chair. The blond's heart started to pound as the teacher's hands started to roam around his body. Mr. Norris bent down to his ear, his hot breath ghosted on his ear.

"Matthew Williams, you started wearing dresses didn't you, naughty boy-whore? Ah, you excite me so and now you're wearing dresses. I can't take it anymore, I have to have you and ravish you." In a flash, the older man had grabbed Matthew by the wrist and pinned him down on the desk. Matthew struggled to move on his own but his efforts proved futile because he was being pushed down into the desk. Something started to poke him in the ass and it felt weird and it caused him great discomfort. He tried to move but it only caused the pervert behind him growled and pulled him back by his hair.

The thing that was rubbing against his butt stopped but then his underwear slipped off of his hips and down his legs and something slammed into him. It was hard and painful. Matthew screamed in pain as it started to move. It didn't take long for the teen to realize what was happening to him. He was being raped. There was nothing he could to to stop it. He was defenseless, he was not armed with anything to protect him. Nothing. He felt hopeless. With each time he thrusted inwards caused Matthew greater pain each time because each time he slammed in harder and deeper.

Something was hit. Something had to be hit because before he knew it, Matthew had screamed louder than he was already doing. He wanted this to stop. He cried and begged through his screams to be let go but his pleas fell upon deaf ears as Mr. Norris pounded deeper and faster. Tears streamed down Matthew's face as the teacher reached his climax and pulled out of him. In a matter of God knows how much time spent in this office, Matthew Williams had been turned into a crying mess. He felt dirty. He felt so very dirty. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder and he was shoved out of the office.

(Around here should be a good place to keep reading. Everything is safe beyond these bold letters, I sewar to lord Doitsu!)

"Tell anyone and I will hurt you Williams! You're nothing and nobody! No one's going to believe the shit of a little boy-whore in a dress!" Mr. Norris said and then he slammed his office door. Matthew was shakily standing on his two legs and only managed to walk a few steps before he fell to his knees and into a wall. More tears slipped from his eyes. Papa and Dad would think he was a whore who was asking for it by wearing a dress to school. Alfred would be embarrassed to call him his brother. Everyone he called friend would leave him and stop being his friend. Lovino... What would Lovino think? He would spit on him and think that he really wanted it. It didn't matter. He felt like- no. He was nothing. From here on out, he was just existing in life. Another dead body walking around.

"I'm nothing... I'm nobody..." He silently sobbed as he picked himself up and stumbled out of the gym. He was walking until another teacher caught him and stopped him in the hallway.

"Why aren't you in class Mr. Williams?" Matthew couldn't provide an answer and tried to walk past him but he felt weak as he slumped against the locker and slid down. He was fading in and out of consciousness and he couldn't focus. The teacher bent down to his level and tried to coax him back to the land of the living but his efforts were proving futile as Matthew's vision faded to black.

Francis was at work looking over the ingredients for the next order when his boss pulled him out and told him to go to the hospital. He questioned why but then he heard that it was Matthew. His blue eyes widened and he frantically asked what happened but not even his boss knew what happened because the man on the phone wouldn't say. The Frenchman thanked him and then left in a hurry and rushed down to the hospital. When he got there he saw Arthur pacing the floor and biting his nails as if it were some sort of nervous tick. He walked over to them and Arthur immediately hugged him.

"Mon cher, what happened to Matthieu?"

"I-I don't know! No one will tell me anything! I'm so scared for our baby... What could they be doing to him in there?" Arthur was in hysterics and Francis couldn't blame him. Something bad happened to another one of their children and it was something they couldn't take lightly. The doors to the room they weren't allowed in were opened and a doctor who was in the room came out.

"Are you two gentlemen the parents of Matthew Williams?" The two males nodded and the doctor took in a heavy breath. THis was something that he didn't want to tell them. He really didn't want to but they deserved an answer about what happened to their son.

"What happened to him?"

"Sirs, there is absolutely no way to put this easy or tell you without causing tears to flow and tempers to flare but it seems that prior to his fall, your son was raped. I wish I could say it isn't true but he showed signs of resistance, there was blood coming out of his rectum caused by forced entrance, and he kept repeating over and over as we were examining him that he was nothing."

Arthur didn't want to believe the words that came out of this man's mouth. he couldn't believe the words. No. Matthew did not get raped. He didn't! But there was the proof. He couldn't argue with the doctor because it had happened to him so many times, he knew of every sign. Flashbacks of the first time he was raped flooded his mind and caused more tears to flow down his cheeks as he fell like a crumpled heap against his husband and knocked them both to the floor. He couldn't believe it. First Yao and now his baby! Why did fate choose to play such cruel tricks on him? Was he bad? Was he being punished for something he did in a past life? Arthur didn't know the answer. All he knew was his youngest was raped and his ex tried to off himself.

Francis picked him up and sat him in a chair as he went to talk to the doctor. Once he was done he went back to Arthur and held him as he cried. Life was a bitch. A cruel mistress that played with them like they were her favorite toys she liked to fuck up when she felt like she was in the mood to screw with something. Soon, Arthur got up and left under the claims he had to go to the bathroom but he really went to go and visit Yao. When he got to his room he smiled when he saw he was awake.

"Hello Yao. How are you?" He didn't answer as Arthur walked in and sat at his bedside. The smile faded when he took Yao's hand and looked deep into his eyes.

"Yao, I'm so sorry. I hurt you with my lies and you didn't deserve any of it and I just hurt you. I feel like a dick and I'm no better than my husband was when he cheated on me. Look, I'm so sorry we didn't work out but I'm still in love with Francis. You should be with someone who won't hurt you with lies like I did and who will treat you right. I'm so sorry." There was a brief moment of silence before a low chuckle was heard. The low chuckled then got louder before it turned into laughter. Arthur looked at him before the Chinese man calmed down and looked at him with a smile.

"I knew you were still in love with him. I saw it at Christmas and when you returned home the next day after being gone that night, I sensed it and before you broke up with me last night, I knew. I guess I wasn't ready to accept that I was losing the one I love and I spiraled out of control and cut. You didn't really hurt me, I hurt myself. You just brought me to the reality that I was losing you to the one you truly loved." Arthur shook his head and more tears slipped out.

"Yao... nothing... nothing can erase how I found you in that tub. Nothing can erase the scars on your body that my lies caused. Nothing can erase the guilt of what happened to you. I can't forgive myself for what happened to you." Arthur cried as he laid his head down on the bed. A gentle hand was placed on his head and gently rubbed.

"You have to forgive yourself as I have forgiven you. It was wrong of me to ask that of you when it was so clear in your heart. Arthur, you can't be hung over me. You have someone who loves you with all his heart and you have two sons with him and if I won't let myself and our previous relationship get in the way of your happiness. We have to go on our own paths but we don't work out in the sense of dating. I want to stay as your best friend because we were so great before we dated. I love you but now I realize, I love you as a friend." The blond lifted his head off the bed and looked at the Chinese man before him. He didn't believe the words that came out of his mouth and he didn't know what to believe anymore. He was so confused right now, his mind was in two different places.

"You really want to kee our friendship?"

"Unless you think its weird then I completely understand but I at least want to keep something we have, other than a drinking problem." Arthur rolled his eyes.

"I'm going to start therapy again. I was lagging out for a while but I'm going to start it again."

"See, we're already working on it. I'm getting tired. Come and see me tomorrow if you can?"

"Of course." Yao smiled and closed his eyes. Arthur stood up and looked at him. He looked so much like an angel. He kissed his forehead one last time before he exited the room and gently closed the door. Maybe Yao was right. He had to be happy and he couldn't spend the rest of his life haunted by a bad relationship that would forever be a constant nightmare should he choose not to move on and to hang on to a a past that could affect his now and screw up his family. He went back to where Francis was and found him in Matthew's room.

Matthew was awake and staring at nothing and Francis was standing at his side, stroking his hair in a calming way as he whispered comforting things to him in French. Arthur's frown returned as he went to his son's other side and rubbed his shoulders. The teen reacted by shurgging his hand off and looking at him with his violet irises filled with fear. The British man looked up towards his husband who was mouthing the words, "Don't do anything too sudden yet." Arthur acknowledged his words and pat his hand as a woman in jeans, a plain black shirt, and a black jacket came in the room. Francis recognized the woman because it was Elizabeta.

"Hello. I am Detective Hedervary and I will be working the case to find your sons rapist. I assume that you are the parents of the victim. Woudl it be okay with the both of you if I asked your son a few questions?" The pair looked at each other and back to Elizabeta before Francis answered.

"Oui. Just don't upset him." Elizabeta nodded and moved closer to Matthew's bed.

"Hi Matthew, I'm going to ask you a few questions. All I ask is that you try as much as you can to remember what happened. Is that alright?" Matthew didn't say anything to her. Though it didn't look like it in his dazed and spaced out fearful look, he remembered her from Thanksgiving at Uncle Toni's apartment. He felt embarrassed that more people know about this. He could just imagine how Lovino was going to react. Before he knew it he nodded and Elizabeta asked him the first question.

"Did you see the man who did it?"

"Yes."

"Did you know the man who did it?"

"It was the gym teacher. mr. Norris. Its all my fault for wearing a dress to school. He said that I excited him so much and when I wore my dress, he couldn't take it anymore and he had to have me and ravish me." Tears welled up in Matthew's eyes. Elizabeta handed him a tissue. After a few moments, Elizabeta asked the next question.

"Do you remember what happened when you were being raped?"

"All I remember was being called into Mr. Norris's office and then he locked the door. I wanted to go but when I made the moved he pushed me down into the chair and then started to touch me. He said that I excited him and he had to have me and ravish me and the grabbed my wrist and bent me over the desk. I felt his erection rubbing up against my ass and then he pulled my underwear down and then... he stuck it in. He raped me and he went rough. I cried and begged for him to stop but he didn't listen. He just kept on doing it. After he was done he said I better not tell anyone. No one was going to believe the shit of a little boy-whore in a dress and that I was nothing." Matthew dried the last of his tears before turning over in the bed and curling into a ball. he didn't want to remember any of it. It was so painful to think about, especially since it was so fresh in his memory. All the adults in the room left and he felt another presence some in. He didn't dare look but then he was staring back into his brother's eyes. He sat up in bed and let out a shaky sigh.

"You heard didn't you?"

"Lovino, Feliciano, and I just got here and Papa told us you ended up getting raped." Silence reigned over them for a few minutes before Matthew asked the question.

"Are you embarrassed of me? Are you embarrased to be the brother of the idiot in the dress who was begging to get raped by the pervy gym teacher Mr. Norris?" Alfred moved to his brother's side and hugged him.

"No. Mattie, we're brother and nothing can change that. Something bad happens to one of us, we stick together. One of us does something embarrassing, we stick by as if it were a normal thing. I'm not embarrassed nor ashamed to be your brother and as brothers of the same family, this is something we both have to get through." The violet-eyed teen slowly hugged back. It was a comforting thought that his family didn't think anything bad of him now. But there was Lovino. He would always walk away whenever the topic of rape or molestation was discussed or brought into conversation. The brothers let go of each other and then Lovino came in the room.

"I'll leave you two alone." Alfred exited the room leaving the teens to themselves. Lovino walked over to Matthew's bedside and moved his hair out of his face. The blond flinched and scooted away from him in fear of what he was going to do next.

"I'm not mad at you Mateo. I'm mad that this happened to someone I deeply love. You know, yesterday when I saw you in the dress I was a little shocked but then I was warming up to the idea of you in a dress. I thought you looked beautiful and I cursed anyone who wanted to take my beauty's pride and I made a silent vow to protect you. I didn't protect you and it just pisses me off!" Tears had started to fall from Lovino's eyes. Matthew never saw this side of him before. He was used to seeing the side that cursed and was sweet to him. Never before has he seen his sensitive side. Matthew grabbed his hand and used his other hand to make the other look at him.

"You didn't know it was going to happen and if you did there was no way you could get in because he locked the door. I love that you wanted to protect me and be my hero. It's sweet now that I think about it and I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend." Matthew kissed his cheek and ran a hand through his hair. The Italian boy kissed Matthew's lips and squeezed his hand.

"I'll always protect you. I'll be the hero your idiota brother tries to say he is but unlike him, I have a damsel in distress who needs a hero." They kissed again before Lovino had to leave. Matthew felt a little happy and yet a little sad. He was sad because he didn't give his virginity away like he planned to. It was taken away from him. All the happiness he had, now gone from him. He was happy because Lovino still loved him and wasn't mad at him. He thought that everyone would say that it was his own damn fault. While he could feel happy that he still had the love of everyone he knew, nothing could erase the scars it left in his mind. It would take a lot to do the job to forget it and learn to deal with it and move on for the sake of his life.

Me: I can't believe how quick I wrote this. I think I got my inspiration for writing the chapters back and hopefully, next chapter will be as good as this! I'm so freaking tired and its like really freaking early in the morning where I live and I had to finish this while I was in the writing high. And thanks you guys for the reassuring reviews! Its nice to know that people are still interested in the story and it really brought me out of a bummed mood! So anyways, I hope you guys liked and if you did then please favorite, review, or follow! This is Janae A.K.A. OrgyMemberXVII signing off! Bye :D