Wow, some of the reviews, just, thanks!

They nearly make me afraid of posting this chapter, but here we go:

Chapter 12

Deeks shivered. With no idea what had woken him this time he clung to the sheet covering his body, his gaze taking in the room. He was alone, but Sam couldn't be far, his jacket still hung over the back of the chair he had occupied most of the night.

The detective had been grateful for the other man's calming presence whenever he woke, gasping and panting due to a nightmare he couldn't quite remember after he started up from his sleep. It took him several minutes just to get his breath back, Sam patiently coaching him through his panic each time.

Deeks didn't know why, but it was worse than the last time he'd been here in the hospital. Despite the unsettling feeling of his amnesia he'd felt quite calm back then, now he was a mess. He didn't want to leave LA, but he knew he would have to, if he couldn't get his memory back. The pressure of that knowledge was immense. Add his current nightmares and glimpses of memories he couldn't quite place, he felt horrible.

It was still dark outside, but somehow Deeks knew that it was early in the morning, close to sunrise. Sweat was rolling down his face and he blinked several times to clear the moisture from his eyes.

'A dream', he thought. Water, there had been water. A pool. With a figure at the bottom. Deeks frowned in concentration, forcing his sluggish mind back to the dream. He wasn't sure though if it really had been just a dream. It felt so real, as if it had happened at one point or the other. Him diving into the pool and desperately trying to get to the figure at the bottom. He needed to save him. He needed to save – Sam. The figure in the pool had been Sam. And he had gotten him out of the water and then – his body gave a convulsive shudder as his mind shied away from going to that memory.

But now the floodgates were open and a huge wave of memories hit him unsuspected. Next he saw Quinn, raising a gun to shoot him, but… No, not Quinn, it had been Michelle, she had been undercover and … Deeks didn't want to go back there, better to never remember this, but he was stuck, drowning in all the things that suddenly swirled around in his mind.

Deeks was panting now, his gaze desperately looking for something to latch onto, to provide him with an anchor to the present, to this room. Instead his mind provided him with the picture of another woman. A beautiful woman with a tan like light cream coffee. Traynor. Yes, her name was Traynor. Jess. And she – was dead. Killed when her car exploded.

Another woman, another explosion, this time a house. But Kensi had survived when the house around her had blown up, saved by the bad guy who had thrown her into the pool. Why wasn't she here then? She had left him when he thought he was finally safe after all Sidorov had done. She never wanted to, but there had been no other choice that time but to leave him. Just when they had found a kind of balance again, she had left once more. Why? Where was she? He couldn't remember right now, his mind an overflow of images he desperately tried to shut off.

Deeks swung his legs over the bed frame and stood, swaying lightly, his mind trapped in memories. Another street, another car, another explosion. Ray, his friend of old days. He was still alive, wasn't he? Why wasn't he here then? He would come, wouldn't he? Deeks' mind reeled.

Thinking of Ray made him go even further back. His father, a shot gun, him… no no no! Definitely not going there. Never again. That was even worse than… No, not going there either. Deeks stumbled to the door. His leg and ribs didn't hurt, Hallelujah to pain meds, but it still his leg buckled slightly when taking weight.

This was hell, a freaking living hell. He didn't want to remember if all that came back to him were nightmares. He needed to move, to get out. The room was just oppressing, the walls closing in. He needed to end this. Panting heavily Deeks opened the door and shuffled to the elevators. No one saw him entering the car and pressing the button for the top floor with its access to the roof.

Sam came back only moments later. He had needed a private corner to make some calls to Michelle, OPS and Callen. The latter had informed him that he was stuck in traffic, but would make it in a few minutes and yes, he would bring some decent coffee while he was at it.

The agent carefully opened the door to not wake Deeks. First, Sam thought that his team mate might have gone to the bathroom when he found the bed empty. But there was no noise indicating the detective was in there. Still he checked the shower and even looked under the bed, which was kind of ridiculous, to be on the safe side before leaving the room and gazing around the corridor. He noted the elevator's display which stood on the top floor.

"Damnit the roof." Sam cursed. Without knowing the reason for his urgency he called the elevator and followed Deeks up.

"Deeks, what are you doing there?" Sam's voice sounded sharper than he had intended, but the sight of the detective standing at the edge of the roof made him edgy, too.

Deeks slowly turned and gave him a puzzled frown. Then a sad smile came and went on his face as he blinked into the sun that just started to rise at the horizon, the wind playing with strands of his hair. "Don't worry, Sam, I have no intention of jumping off the roof." Deeks lowered his gaze. "Although I have to admit that right now it has a certain appeal."

Sam wouldn't have heard the last part but with three long strides he was right beside the detective when he looked back at the skyline again. He pretended not to, though.

"You remember."

"Yeah, I do."

Sam heard a low sad chuckle and watched as Deeks rubbed his face with his hands.

"And god, aren't there things that were better left forgotten?" he continued barely audible. Shivering the blond man turned and sat down on the low ledge surrounding the rooftop. He was only wearing the hospital issued pajama bottoms and a shirt, both sweat soaked. Deeks looked down at his bare feet, cradling himself like he was hurting.

Which he was, Sam had to admit. Not only physically but psychically as well. The larger man shook his head and placed himself right beside Deeks so that his body would shield the younger man from the wind. He smiled, but said nothing, when Deeks instinctively leaned into the warmth Sam's body provided.

"Yeah, some shit you wish never to have happened." Sam said with a low voice. "And remembering all of it all at once. I can't say I envy you right now." The agent put his hand on Deeks knee, squeezed gently and left it there.

Deeks didn't comment, but some of the tension left his body.

Sam took out his phone and called his partner. "Hi Callen, when you finally manage to reach the hospital, why don't you come and join us on the roof? Fetch a blanket on the way."

The agent felt Deeks' gaze on him when he ended the call and gave him an encouraging nod to speak. The younger man nervously licked his lips.

"I just couldn't stay in the room. It felt so constricting. I needed more space, fresh air, sun, just everything." the blond man whispered, blinking into the rising sun.

Sam gave one of his dimpled smiles. "It's OK Deeks. You gave me a little scare though."

"Sorry." Deeks mumbled and straightened his posture not to lean on Sam anymore, tensing. Sam cursed inwardly, but there was nothing he could do about it right now. They waited for his partner in silence.

A few minutes later Callen showed up, took one good look at their liaison, threw the blanket around his shoulders and sat down on his other side. Sandwiched between the two older men and with the blanket around his shoulders some of the cold left Deeks body but the tension was still there.

"You remember everything?" Callen eventually asked.

Deeks shuddered and drawled tiredly "Still waiting for something nice to show up."

Callen winced, but nevertheless continued "The funeral and the accident?"

Deeks shrugged and snuggled deeper into the blanket. "No, that I don't remember." he admitted after a while, his voice sounding flat and listless "My last memory of that day is asking Hetty for the morning off. I got into my car and after that, a huge blank. The next thing I do remember is waking in the hospital with you in a chair reading a Russian newspaper. And even that is kind of blurry. Before I was told what really happened, I thought I crashed the car and wondered how the mother and her child I supposedly saved fit in. Looks like the concussion deleted that memory forever from my hard drive, sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for, Deeks. And there is nothing supposedly about you saving those two." Callen leaned down and grabbed the coffee.

"Here" he passed a cup to Deeks, but when the detective took it, it slipped out of his sweaty shaking fingers. Before anything could happen, Sam had his hand under the cup holding it and Deeks hand from below while Callen's hand kept the cup from tipping over.

For a moment none of them moved. Suddenly Deeks shuddered and gave a long pained sigh. Callen put the coffee back on the floor with one hand, the other resting lightly on the neck of his younger team member.

"Let go, Deeks. It's OK. Just the thought of remembering all the bad things that ever happened to me all at once makes me cringe. We've got you, so let go for once."

Deeks shook his head stubbornly still fighting the tears that threatened to overwhelm him.

"We won't tell Kensi that you were reduced to a blubbering mess, promise. And we won't hold it over you this time. Come on, it's a once in a lifetime deal." Sam chimed in.

Deeks wanted to laugh but all that came out was a sob. He covered his mouth with his hand and hung his head. He didn't want to lose it. If he lost it now he wasn't sure he would be able to put it together again. It had taken him so long to put it together last time. So he sat stiff and silent, wound up like a feather ready to spring at any moment.

It was Sam who finally had enough. Carefully, very carefully as not to startle Deeks he put an arm around the younger man's shoulder, pulling him in until Deeks bowed head rested against his chest. If there was any resistance it stood no chance against the muscular agent who brought his other hand up to caress Deeks' cheek like he would do when his daughter was upset, ignoring the fact that he was dealing with a grown man rather than said daughter. Callen, though not comfortable with the situation at all, left his hand on Deeks neck, gently rubbing up and down with his thumb. Deeks' shoulders shook, but there was no sound. Sam could feel his shirt getting wet though as their liaison shed silent tears.

Hetty watched from her perch by the door, quite sure that at least Mr. Callen had noticed her though he made no move to acknowledge her presence. Yes, it would do for now. Mr. Deeks still had a long way to go, would need some professional help at some points, but he wouldn't go alone this time. Her senior agents surprised her. She hadn't expected them to comfort their liaison quite this manner, but this was even better. They wouldn't mention this little rooftop episode to anyone and if Mr. Deeks spent the next case more around OPS hassling Ms. Jones and Mr. Beale because he still needed some rest, so be it. No one would bat an eyelash at that.

The End

That's it, the last chapter. I can't believe I finally made it.

When reading the reviews I realized there could have been additional chapters, but I have to admit: It would have felt drawn out to me. And it would have taken me too long to write those chapters… so, this is the end. The end which I wrote more than a year ago, mind you, I just changed it a bit so it fits better with what I wrote with Bee's help in the meantime.

And speaking of Bee: Thanks again for your encouragement, help and patience. Without your support this would never have happened.

And also thanks again to all those who left continuing reviews. I'm a lazy person so I won't list all the names (and with some guests I don't even have them). You know who I mean.

Well, about 'The End'…

I may have kind of an epilogue, but I'm not sure… What do you think?