The small stone cottage that was now her home was world's apart from her life in London. When she had seen it she had been instantly smitten by its rustic charm. The simple lines of the centuries-old farmhouse were accentuated by the boldness of its blue front door and the white shuttered windows that looked across the verdant meadow to the sea. The yellow lichen that grew in-between the roof slates implied stability and resilience; characteristics that she needed.

The salty tang to the air and a prickle to the breezes that blew up the hill allowed Barbara to imagine herself cocooned in the house as storms raged up from the Celtic Sea. She would nestle safely in front of the fire place that dominated the main room and ignore the world.

The cottage had electricity but few other creature comforts yet she felt instantly at home. Its small kitchen had a wood stove that took her three days to master well enough to boil an egg but she had a functioning toaster and jug and a microwave to heat the cardboard boxes of pre-prepared meals she had stored in the large chest freezer in the small utility room. There was even a surprisingly large, modern television in the corner and two comfortable chairs big enough for her to curl up in with a warm cup of tea as she watched the nightly soaps.

The bedroom was quaint with an iron-posted bed covered in a thick, handmade quilt. It squeaked when she rolled over but it was not as if she was sharing it with anyone who might be disturbed and the noise served to wake her from her worst nightmares. There had been a larger cottage available further around the bay but it had an outside bathroom. She was happy to have a different lifestyle but she was too much of a city girl not to have an inside toilet.

Abandoning your life is not a step taken lightly. Barbara never thought of it as running away. She was just hitting pause until she knew what she wanted to do. Despite the fears of her colleagues she had never contemplated killing herself. She just wanted to escape to a place where the past was known only to her and where the only person who might find her would be Tommy. She was not hiding as such, she had simply moved to a place only he might think of looking. It was not as if she was intentionally setting a trap or a puzzle for him but if he cared enough about her, if there was any truth in their friendship over the last ten years he would be able to locate her. If not then she would wait until her six month lease expired then decide her future.

It was late afternoon when she stood by the cliff edge overlooking the pulsing grey sea. The lights of Nanrunnel winked slowly to life in the distance. Between her vantage and the village Tommy's vast estate was laid out. If she walked up the hill a little further she could use her binoculars to see the driveway of Howenstowe and some of the rooms of the house. On Sunday she had seen him ride up onto the cliffs on the other side of the estate. Even through her old binoculars she could see he sagged in his saddle as if he had the weight of the universe pressing down on him. She had smiled hoping it was his concern for her but she knew it was not. No one would even know she had left yet. That night she had tried to find Tommy's room but the heavy curtains and swaying trees made it hard for her pinpoint it. Still it was vaguely comforting to know he was there. She still needed him, it was just that he was not prepared to be there for her any more.

She was not angry with him. He had certainly shocked her by running away but she could never hate him for it. She just could not face being with him day after day and pretending everything was as it had been. That night had changed everything and Tommy had made it clear that she was not as important to him as his life as Lord Asherton. What she struggled to understand was why it had even needed to be a choice.

She did not bother surveying the windows tonight. She had seen the maroon Jensen speed away this morning and knew Tommy was headed to London. She could imagine that Winston had called him. They would know by now she had sealed off Barbara Havers and vanished. She had carefully ensured that they would know it was deliberate and that she was not the victim of foul play. She had also made sure it looked permanent. And it was, unless Tommy found her hiding right under his nose and they could mend the damage. She wanted that, more than anything, but he would have to understand how much he had hurt her. It was almost beyond her forgiveness.

Of course she had rented the house on his estate under a false name but one he would recognise if he looked hard enough. She had bought an old secondhand car for cash and she was not planning to shop in Nanrunnel. She would drive weekly the other direction towards St Ives. It was three times the distance but it meant being spotted accidentally was unlikely. She felt as if she were in control, unlike the night Tommy had left. She had been too distraught to cry. He had left her feeling hollow. All those years she had been there for him he had used her. He was selfish, arrogant and childish but she still adored him, possibly even more now. She hated what he had done to her but she could never hate him. Love was a strange and unfathomable emotion that clung desperately to her.

What passed for sleep was more like a serial of nightmarish possibilities and recollections of that fateful night. Tommy knew deep in his heart Barbara was safe and he had to hold onto that belief. If he let that waver he would fall into the abyss that was only one bottle away. Barbara was above all else a survivor but for her to have walked away from everything she knew told him how much he had hurt her. And that was the irony - he had been trying to protect her, to love her the best way he knew. That night had been too much. He had been a coward. He had failed her. He had ripped a moment of pure wonder into shreds of remorse and regret. He suspected she hated him but it could never match how much he loathed himself.

At first light he showered. He would be in Kent but seven. If Barbara was with Fiona she would never expect him to arrive that early. On the way he rang Winston and Stuart but neither of them had heard anything more. He hesitated but then dialled Hillier. "Good morning Sir."

"Lynley? It's only just gone six. What's happened?"

"I believe Sergeant Havers resigned on Friday. She appears to have rented out her flat and disappeared. Some of us are quite worried. I wondered if she gave you any idea of what she might have had planned."

"I see. What do you have planned Inspector?"

Tommy was taken aback. "I'd like to track her down Sir. We have...unfinished business."

"I meant about your service. You say nothing at all then leave for Cornwall the day after the Annual Memorial Ball and phone me to take indefinite leave. Three weeks later your partner resigns. I must admit at first I thought she was going to you but she abruptly corrected me. I don't know what happened between you that night but my two best detectives have run off to hide from each other leaving everyone in the city free to murder each other at will. I'm not happy Tommy, not in the slightest. I expected more from both of you."

"Sir, with respect, it's not that simplistic. I did not run and hide in Cornwall and if Havers had wanted to find me she knew where I was."

"But now she has run away and you don't know where."

Tommy grumbled his reluctant agreement. "Yes Sir. I would like your help."

He heard Hillier's voice soften. "She just said she needed time away from the force. I processed her request as twelve months leave of absence so I've left it open for her to return. She didn't give me any indication of leaving London or an intention to disappear. I really did assume you two had something planned. I was angry with you both and she knew I was unhappy about it. If I'd known there was something wrong...well I would have asked more. She can be a thorny woman at times but she's grown into a fine officer. I regret that she's left. I'm sorry Tommy but I can't be of any help."

"Thank you Sir, I appreciate your time. If for any reason she does contact you or sends a forwarding address can you please let me know?"

"I will and if you find her I hope you sort whatever it is out. I know that you mean a lot to each other." Tommy thanked him and hung up. Sir David occasionally had a heart.

He stealthily circuited Fiona Knight's house three times before he marched to the door. He was confident that he would see if Barbara tried to escape out the back door. He knocked loudly and continued to knock until the door swung open.

"Tommy, what in the hell are you doing here at this hour?" Fiona was dressed in an ill-fitting dressing gown that exposed her purple pyjamas.

Lynley barged past her. "Looking for Barbara."

"Tommy I told you I haven't heard from her. Search the place if you like."

As Tommy looked in the kitchen and then started opening the hall cupboards Fiona's young son came wandering from his room dragging a dirty polar bear. "Mummy?"

Tommy froze in his tracks. The bear was the one that had once been strapped into the back seat of his car when Barbara had bought it as a gift and they had driven down from London one Sunday. He was behaving irrationally. He sank onto the sofa and put his head in his hands. "Oh Fiona, I'm sorry."

"Is the man crying Mummy?"

"No, he's fine. Why don't you take Iceman and go watch the cartoons. I'll be in soon." The small boy glanced at Tommy again then ran.

Fiona sat next to him on the sofa. "Why has she disappeared Tommy?" she asked softly, "you looked so happy together at the Memorial Ball. I thought you might both have finally found what you needed. Did you two have a row?"

He shook his head. Tommy sighed; the truth would come out eventually. "We didn't fight that night, quite the opposite."

"Opposite?"

"I took her home to Camden and I kissed her. We'd never...let ourselves be close like that before. There had always been a line, a safety net, but I changed the rules."

"I can't believe Barbara would have packed up and left her life because of a kiss! Did she object? I would have thought she'd have gone for it. Oh Tommy you didn't...force her did you?"

"No! I did not force her in any way. Why do people think that? I made love to her! We made love together, to each other, freely and unconditionally. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Fiona smirked at him. "Yeah, for year's I've wanted to hear that. So what happened? It can't have been that bad that she left?"

"No, it was...wonderful...the most magical night of my life." Tommy could not suppress a grin. "But it wasn't just sex Fiona. Having Barbara in my arms made me feel alive in a way I never had before...but it was too good."

Fiona frowned and pressed him for more information. "Too good?"

"I couldn't handle the way I felt. I've never felt such love and the way her eyes flared to life when I told her how much I loved her..." He sighed heavily. "When Barbara finally called me Tommy and told me she loved me it was as if I'd been dipped in gold... it was perfect; one of those precious few moments in your life that stay in your heart forever."

"So what happened?"

"I panicked. In the morning when I woke I was holding her and she looked so radiant, so utterly beautiful and content. But I'm unworthy of her love. I looked at her and thought if I stay I'll destroy the most magnificent woman in creation so I left before she woke up. I went to Howenstowe and haven't seen her since." Tommy could not look at the woman beside him.

"You did what?" Fiona roared, her face betraying her shock and anger. "You don't think that she might have felt used? The poor lass's been head over heads in love with you for years and she finally has the courage to tell you and you just up and leave."

"I honestly didn't think that she'd react like that. I thought she'd know I was protecting her but she told Stuart I'd lied to her. She doesn't believe I meant it but it was more sincere than anything else I've ever told her."

Fiona looked at him as if she wanted to carve him up and feed him to pigs. "You make love to her, tell her you love her, hear her tell you the same then you disappear from her bed and run away to Cornwall. No wonder she was upset. Did you speak to her before you went to Cornwall?"

Tommy shook his head. "No, I went that morning. I left her a note."

"Should I even ask?"

"Probably not. I said 'sorry but I can't do this, I can't drag you into my life'."

"Oh Tommy! Poor Barbara. She must be devastated."