Thank you for all your kind, wonderful reviews! I'm surprised you guys even remember this story exists (since I seem to keep forgetting). You all rock my socks. Srsly.
Warnings: Is this yaoi, you ask? Of course it is! I write nothing BUT yaoi! For those who are still hopelessly green, yaoi is boys with boys (or in this case, men with men, rawr). The pairing is, or eventually will be, Cid/Vincent. If you don't like that then you either stumbled across this by accident, or you're in some serious denial; whatever the reason, just hit the back button.
Disclaimer: The story is mine, but sadly the characters are not - they belong to Square Enix/Squaresoft, and that Japanese guy whose name I can never remember. I can't prevent it, but please don't steal the fic idea; you can come up with your own. You're welcome to use Rocket Fields, but since it doesn't technically exist in-game, you may want to explain that it's where the Rocket used to be.
Chapter nine, otherwise named: 'This is as angsty as Vincent's going to get'.
"You know, I don't think I've ever seen Cid so happy," Shera commented to him one morning as they stacked newly-cleaned dishes, "Your arrival has really done wonders for him."
Her words seemed to shadow him for the rest of the day. She hadn't spoken them maliciously, he knew - how could she, when she didn't know what they truly meant? But she could have been speaking liquid fire for the burning guilt it gave him; her innocence of what she was actually saying only added to the feeling.
She doesn't deserve this deception, He thought sadly, lifting his head as Cid's cheerful whistling floated from the next room, How can he be so happy, knowing what he's doing to her? Knowing how much it could hurt her?
He wanted to be angry at Cid, but it was impossible, not when he liked the man so much as well. Besides, he was hurting Shera as much as Cid was - more so, since Cid would have remained faithful if Vincent hadn't turned up in Rocket Town.
I should leave, He told himself, Just leave and never look back; pretend it never happened, or that there never was a Cid Highwind. It'd be for the best.
Or so he'd been telling himself all day, but he hadn't come any closer to packing his bags. Selfishness outweighed guilt, it seemed.
"Still raining," Shera muttered, glancing out of the water-streaked window, "Quite a downpour, isn't it? Funny, it doesn't normally rain here. I guess that's why this was chosen as the Rocket launch area."
Vincent watched her from the sofa, eyes slightly saddened; I have to leave. I can't hurt her when she's been so kind to me.
"The skies are always so clear...maybe that's why Cid decided to stay here even after the Rocket launched. He used to spend hours just staring at the clouds, you know."
Her words added yet another weight to his conscience; I can't hurt Cid either.
"Hey Shera, I fixed the clock-" Cid paused when he saw Vincent on the sofa, "Hey Vin, you okay? You look a bit down."
Vincent shook his head; "I'm fine, Cid."
"Are you sure?" Shera asked, "I could make you some tea if you want, or hot chocolate. It's nice to have a hot drink when you're watching the rain."
"No thank you, Miss Shera."
"Vincent, you know you can just call me Shera."
"I'll remember that," He rose from sofa elegantly, "I just feel a little tired is all. Maybe I'll take a nap."
"I could bring you some soup later if you're feeling sick," She offered.
"I'll be fine, really," He insisted, before hesitantly adding: "...My thanks, Miss Shera."
As soon as he reached the room, the first thing he did was grab his bag.
I wish I could stay, He thought, stuffing his spare clothes into the bag, But if I do, I'll only end up hurting her, and I can't do that. I'm sorry, Cid, but it's better for both of us if I leave.
He knew he wouldn't be able to go out of the front door without attracting Cid's attention, and it was less fussy to slip away unnoticed. Instead he slid the window open, climbing out onto the ledge. The ground wasn't that far down, so he took a jump, landing as silently as a former Turk should. The heavy rain soaked him instantly, but drowned out sound of his footsteps, and so he was able to get away in stealth.
For so long, anyway.
He heard Cid's heavy thudding footsteps long before the man could catch sight of him, and hurried his pace. He didn't run, partially because Vincent Valentine never ran anywhere unless he had to...but he feared that maybe a part of him was hoping that Cid would catch up. Which, given how frantic Cid's footsteps were, didn't take long.
"Vin!" He stopped and turned at the sound of the pilot's voice, raspy and raw from having run so fast, "Where the hell are you goin'?"
"Away," Vincent's told him quietly, "I can't do this anymore, Chief, especially not after Shera nearly discovered us. It's just too risky."
"But she won't know!" Was Cid's desperate protest, "What Shera doesn't know can't hurt her, right?"
"And what about me, Cid? Did you ever stop to consider that this affair might be hurting me?"
"Hurting...you?" The pilot frowned, "Whaddya mean, Vince? What's hurting you?"
"This! All this secrecy and lying, having to watch my every move just so I don't give something away. And also..." The ex-Turk lowered his head, words so soft that they could barely be heard above the rain, "Shera keeps commenting on your behaviour, how happy you seem since I arrived..."
"I am happy."
"But she doesn't know why, does she?" Vincent pointed out, "She doesn't have a clue what's going on, and that makes it even worse. She keeps doing nice things for me, Cid, as her way of saying thanks for cheering you up. All the while not realising..." His tone grew bitter, "...What I'm really doing. What she's actually thanking me for."
Cid stared at him long and hard, ignoring the way the rain ran down his face and drenched his clothes, "...So that's it?" He asked at last, "You're just gonna walk away without even sayin' goodbye?"
"That was the intention," His words were brusque, but there was no kind way to put it, "But now that you're here...goodbye, Cid. This is the best way for both of us," He turned to leave.
"The best way, huh?" He heard Cid answer, almost whisper, as he walked away, "You think leavin' just like you did two years ago is the best way?"
He paused, "Perhaps it would have been better if I had never returned to Rocket Town at all, Cid."
"Then you don't understand anythin'," Curious at Cid's words, Vincent turned around again, and saw that Cid's hands were clenched into trembling fists, "#!£&, Vin, if you had any idea how much I missed you...I spent entire nights awake thinkin' about where you were, what you were doin', why you weren't here..."
"..." He wasn't sure how to respond to that, but apparently Cid wasn't done anyway.
"At first I thought you were dead, it had me worried sick," The man continued, staring pointedly at the ground, "But then I heard about you visitin' the other AVALANCHE members - everyone 'cept me. I couldn't figure out what I did wrong, but it sure as hell hurt. An' there 'aint a whole lotta people who can hurt me, Vince."
"You have my apologies, Cid, but-"
"An' then," Cid cut across him loudly, finally lifting his head up to meet Vincent's crimson gaze, "You came back. I was #!£&in' angry at you at first for leavin', but I was happy too. Peaceful. Even with how #!£&in' slow the days go by here, I 'aint felt peaceful since you left."
"Cid..." Vincent swallowed and looked away, "Please don't do this to me. I have to leave, you know that. No good can come of this."
"No good? Vince, I've never been happier since you turned up!"
"And at what cost? Look at what we're doing to Shera!" He paused, let out a sigh, and reduced his words to a quiet murmur, "You'll be fine without me, Cid. You survived for years before I met you-"
"Yeah, an' I was #!£&in' miserable then too," Cid growled, "#!£&er, don't you get it? I've never felt...not like this..."
"Cid! Vincent!" Shera's distant voice called out.
"Hold on, we'll be back in a minute!" Cid shouted back before turning to Vincent, "Please Vince, don't leave. You're my-" He hesitated, "-My best friend, an' I don't wanna lose you again. It was hard enough the first time."
Vincent shook his head; "I can't hurt Shera, Cid. I won't."
"She won't find out," The pilot insisted, "I swear she won't find out."
"You can't guarantee that."
"I can #!£&in' well try."
"..."
"I'll do whatever it takes," Cid declared, "I'll even act less happy if you want. I'll turn into a miserable git even if I feel like the happiest man on the planet."
Given how serious the words had been moments before, Vincent couldn't help himself: he laughed.
"There we go," Cid beamed, and took Vincent's face into his hands, "Can honestly tell me you'd still laugh like that if we never saw each other again?"
"You already know the answer to that, Chief."
"So you'll come back?" Cid asked hopefully.
"I...suppose so, ye-" He was cut off by the arms that flung around him, and the embrace that almost cut off his air supply. Regardless, he hesitantly wrapped his arms around the other man's shoulders; it'd been so long since he'd actually received a hug that he'd honestly forgotten what it felt like.
"...Let's head back inside, eh Vin?" He heard the shorter man say, and felt his lips just brush the lobe of his ear.
"You'll need to let go of me first, Chief," Vincent reminded him, but he made no move to loosen his own hold, "But I can wait a little longer."
"Look at you two! You're soaked!" Shera exclaimed when the two men walked through the front door, effectively drowning the welcome mat, "Just as well I warmed up some towels...come on, I'll make some tea..."
He felt another wash of guilt at Shera's caring actions, but he forced himself not to think about it.
Just remember: she doesn't know, she never will.