Chapter 13

Friday - October 28th

With the crunch period now complete. The HR department had organised a small party for the department. Chloe had to beg Beca to attend the event with her. To be fair, the whole thing didn't sound particularly exciting. Office parties never did.

Still, she didn't want to go alone, not that they needed to bring a date. Chloe wasn't asking Beca to be her date. No, it was a little more pathetic than that. She wanted to pretend that Beca was her date.

The brunette was dressed in dark blue jeans and a rich green flannel shirt. It indicated just how much she cared about the event, basically coming dressed like she was still at home. Short of being barefoot, this was Beca in comfort mode.

Chloe, on the other hand, had dressed a little more formally. Opting for a white dress with black bands that extended down the sides. She felt especially confident in it, for whatever reason.

Well...

She twirled around in the mirror, eying her figure and looking at the way the dress hugged her body. They were set to leave for the party in a few minutes. Despite the low stakes of the evening, Chloe wanted to look good.

Beca, who had been waiting in the living room and had put on socks when she had been asked to 'dress up' for the evening walked into the room. She collected her phone, slipping it into her pocket.

"Chlo, hurry up. You could turn up in a Christmas sweater and blow away anyone there. Stop worrying."

"I'm just not sure about this dress."

The redhead could hear the audible sigh. "Chloe. You look beautiful. You always do."

Beca looked directly at her when she said it, her gaze not faltering. She walked out of the room almost immediately afterwards.

So perhaps there was a big reason for the confidence.

She didn't mind being late. Currently, she was pressed against Beca's side and holding her hand as they walked into the office. A few eyes turned to them and she could almost see them assuming things about the two of them.

Beca either didn't notice or didn't care.

The brunette had described what she expected the party to be when Chloe was attempting to convince her to come along. Looking around the room now, that description was depressingly accurate, to the point where she suspected Beca might have set this up somehow.

It was dreary. There were about six or seven people who were happy to dance to the surprisingly quiet and tame music. Everyone else was huddled in groups chatting amongst the people they know. No one was really smiling. There were a lot of people packed in the place though.

The two of them walked over to the pitiful excuse for a snack table. Chloe had been prepared to dance but unless she was particularly drunk, that wasn't going to happen.

"Oh look, the party held in our boring place of work is sad. I never would have guessed. Nothing screams fun like dancing near some cubicles," Beca said. At least the night would be good for the brunette's ever entertaining drip of sarcasm.

"This is actually perfect," Chloe said.

"Is it really?"

"Yes. In a minute, you and I are going to go out onto the dance floor and do some crazy dance moves. Initially, it'll be awkward but they'll see how much fun we're having and want to join in. Even the people who don't want to dance will come because we are oozing so much fun."

Beca smiled. "Oh, like in that one movie."

"Yep, the one with the dancing. That's how things work out."

"Will there be any hilarious mishaps or misunderstandings?"

"Absolutely. You'll probably end up taking a drug by mistake and going off on a crazy adventure. I'll embarrass myself in front of the hot guy I've been pining for at work but it'll all work out in the end," Chloe said.

Beca picked up something on the snack table, took a closer look at it, made a displeased face and then put it in the bin. Perfect.

"So am I Harold or Kumar?" she asked.

"I'm not sure that's a comparison that works. But for the record, you're Harold."

Their conversation was halted by the arrival of Aubrey and Stacie. It only took a brief moment for big grins to appear on both Chloe and Beca's faces. The blonde was wearing a black pantsuit. Her hair was in held in a bun and she had opted for dark eyeliner. The whole package created a striking but beautiful image. Stacie was in a backless navy blue dress that shone due to gloss and the overbearing volume of the fluorescent lights.

Both looked expensive.

Beca was the first one to begin the teasing.

"You guys have much trouble with the paparazzi on the red carpet?" she asked.

Aubrey looked almost shaken. "We might be a little overdressed for the occasion."

Stacie was smiling and seemed to be rolling with it. "You two look lovely," Chloe said.

"Thanks," the taller brunette replied.

The newly formed group moved towards the drinks. An assortment of cheap wine and weak beer all served in small white plastic cups. If the management feared that there wouldn't be enough to go around, they didn't need to worry as very few people were drinking. They were all holding drinks but the few who were taking drinks immediately made sour faces once the liquid entered their mouths.

Chloe and Stacie decided that now would be the time to do a science experiment. The latter was quick to point out that she had done chemistry in high school and this didn't constitute as an experiment. They began mixing the beer and the wine. The mixture didn't explode so they concluded that it was safe to drink. Aubrey watched disapprovingly although the hints of curiosity in her eyes were there. They would force her to drink it so she wouldn't have to admit that she wanted to try it as well.

Meanwhile, Beca had been roped into talking with a tall dark haired man around their age. Chloe was eavesdropping and had garnered that his name was Jesse. He worked on a different floor to them.

He could be considered handsome if you were into the boyish look.

"Like the look you've got going there, super casual," he said to Beca.

"It works," she replied.

"So... What are you into?"

"Smooth."

"Hey, I'm trying here. Seriously though?"

"I'm into hobbies."

"Such as?" He asked again.

"Activities."

He sighed.

Beca started the conversation confrontationally. But as Chloe listened, she heard her laugh a few times and from the look on Jesse's face, it seemed to be going well. The redhead stood next to her other two friends who were busy engaged in a heated discussion about the quality of their newly mixed drink.

Chloe wasn't particularly happy with the way this interaction between Jesse and Beca was going. It looked to be leading somewhere specific. She was all too familiar with the way he was acting having been on the receiving end of such conversations. Technically, there was nothing to really dislike about Jesse. He seemed like a nice guy and the chatter around the office confirmed it.

Still, there was something Chloe didn't like about him. It probably had everything to do with the way he was looking at her Beca.

"Do you want to get outta here?" Jesse asked.

And there was the line. He had been charming and now they were going to slip away. The painful feeling in Chloe's chest was perhaps even worse than finding out about Ethan. She now had to watch Beca be taken away by someone else.

Her mind entered an oddly dark place. Images of Beca and Jesse walking out of the room, as they are just out of view, they hold hands. Now they're at the door to Beca's apartment. He makes a joke, she smiles. He goes to leave, she invites him up for a drink. They exchange a knowing smile. Inside the apartment, they're sharing that drink. She's happy. She's happy with him. She decides to show him the bedroom. He kisses her. An uncontrolled moan escapes from her mouth. She starts taking off his shirt and marvels at his perfect torso. She's almost visibly aroused. He pushes her against the bed.

He is what Beca wants.

Chloe wanted it to stop. It felt like she had no control of her mind as it spun further and further into this morbid sequence of events. She started to clench her fists and the pain in her chest only became worse.

It took a moment to realize something though.

Beca hadn't answered yet.

"I'm here with a friend and I should get back to her," she said.

"She'll understand."

"Actually, she's pretty needy."

Chloe was hurt.

For a moment.

Beca turned around and her eyes widened and she smiled incredibly unnaturally.

Save me!

She was basically begging.

Chloe had to force the smile back down inside her and rescue her girl.

"Becaaaa," she whined. "I'm bored." Stumbling the few steps to the brunette, she grabbed hold of her arm like she was a few drinks in. It should be good enough. Perhaps a sloppy, possessive kiss on the cheek? No, that might be too far.

"Yeah sorry, dude," Beca said. Jesse looked disappointed and a sliver of darkness still lingering in Chloe took pleasure in it. She would remember to be disgusted with herself later.

He didn't seem too upset. His eyes flickered towards their blonde companion. Glancing to her side, Chloe came upon Stacie's worried expression. She had unknowingly thrown Jesse at her friend.

"I'm gonna go talk with Aubrey," he said.

Beca concurred. "Sounds like a good idea. I think she might have been asking about you."

As he turned towards the blonde who was a few steps away talking with Luke, Chloe stumbled into him. "Hey, hot stuff." She slurred her words a little, putting her hands on his chest. She then took an abrupt step back and scrunched up her eyes and frowned.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

Jesse probably had the impression that she was needy. Not that she really cared how he saw her. Since she had already taken a hit to her character, she might as well take another and be less than pleasant.

"Your breath stinks."

He looked startled by her words and turned to look at Beca and the onlooking Stacie. "Well..." Chloe stood where she was, continuing to seem as disgusted as possible. "I guess I'll see you around, Beca."

With that, he walked away. Chloe could see Stacie visibly relax, letting out a breath she was holding. She walked towards the blonde.

"You didn't have to do that," Beca said.

"What do you mean?"

The brunette smiled. "It was nice of you to help Stacie out but you're not giving Aubrey enough credit." She took a sip of her drink. "We've seen the way those two look at each other. Do you really think Aubrey's going to suddenly jump on someone else? In a sense, you're not giving Stacie enough credit either. Anyone going after Aubrey has a high bar to overcome if they even want a chance."

Chloe pouted. "So I try to help and now I'm being made to feel guilty."

"Thanks for saving me though, at least you looked like the jerk instead of me for once. Also, you're acting was brilliant."

"You're welcome."

"You still ruined my opportunity to annoy Aubrey."

The smaller girl received a smack on the arm.

As the night went on, the atmosphere of the party improved. More people began dancing having managed to down their drinks. Chloe was actually happy to just sit down with Beca and comment on the dancing rather than join in. When Vanilla Ice's 'Ice Ice Baby' came on, the pair was unable to determine if the party had truly just started or if it was the final death knell. Regardless, they bid Aubrey and Stacie goodbye and headed home.

Beca grabbed ahold of Chloe's hand as they stepped out, guiding her through the streets.

She no longer liked spending time alone. It allowed her mind to wander and recently, it was going to grimmer places. Specifically the relationship she had with the redhead. Her heart desired something she could never have. What's worse was that spending time with Chloe was become difficult as well.

Isolation allowed her to dwell on a falsehood. Togetherness allowed her to live it.

Over the past few weeks, her attempts at keeping her love for the redhead at bay have not been going well. The only difference recently is how much more aware of it she was. It's a combination of things really. Sometimes she would subconsciously do something that she wouldn't normally do, just brought on by Chloe. Other times, a simple interaction between the two of them would cause vibrant ripples to go through her, only reinforcing just how much in love she was.

It all made it harder to deal with.

Recently there has been another problem.

She didn't like being in love.

The fact that the two of them could never be together caused her heartache. It was never overt but whenever she was in Chloe's company, she was reminded that the possibility of the redhead reciprocating her feelings was slim. The agony of that truth was sometimes overwhelming and constantly in her head.

It wasn't what Chloe wanted out of their friendship in the first place. If something had changed, she would have said something about it by now. She wasn't someone who would be hesitant with this sort of thing.

A confession on Beca's part wouldn't work either. It would only cause more pain, not just for her, but for Chloe as well.

Fear. Future. Even if Chloe didn't reject her, there was a chance that they wouldn't work out. Then she would be left with nothing.

Fear. Hopeless. Chloe would realize that Beca truly is incapable of maintaining a relationship. If she couldn't keep it going with Chloe, then she would have no hope with anyone else. To be told by the one person who had so much faith in you that perhaps it was misplaced would be impossible to take.

Fear. Inadequacy. It was always her problem. She was distant and cold. She was more open with Chloe but what if that wasn't enough at some point. It hadn't been enough for anyone else.

It was becoming harder to keep her emotions in check and sometimes it just hurt being with Chloe. Why couldn't she be happy with what she had? This relationship was close to perfect. No, it was perfect.

As the two of them headed home from the party, she pulled out her phone. "I've gotta go back to my apartment," she said, pretending to receive a message.

"Right now?" Chloe asked.

"Yeah, it's urgent."

Time apart would help. If she could not be a good friend in her current state and continued to act like she was okay, then it would disingenuous to herself and to Chloe. She just hoped that Chloe would accept her when she returned. Hopefully less in love.

"I was hoping to cuddle tonight, I guess it'll have to wait," the taller girl said. She walked up to Beca and pulled her in for a hug. Her nose nuzzled against her shoulder and the brunette could feel the sharp intake of breath. "Why do you always smell so good?"

There was also the possibility that she may never return. If she wanted to do this, she would have to accept that. Memories may be all she ends up with in the end. At least she could take comfort in knowing that Chloe had helped her prepare for the future. She had been given hope and a little confidence to make relationships work.

"Aubrey and Stacie were so adorable tonight. Those two are going to be really happy together. I think I saw Stacie feeding Bree some pudding, they were in their own little world," Chloe said.

She wanted to show her gratitude for just how much Chloe had given her. The redhead had given her a home, affection, friendship, comfort and safety. There was never anything she asked for in return. She was a true friend and Beca knew that she only got to see a hint of this wonderful person.

"What do you want to do tomorrow?" The redhead asked. "I got us more ingredients so we could make another cake. I found a recipe for a banana and chocolate one."

But she couldn't say goodbye. Not explicitly. Chloe wouldn't allow her to. Beca had feared that the moment she made a mistake, the other girl would run away. She never imagined that it would be her who would do the running.

"Do you want to go to the park tomorrow? Maybe it'll rain again. I could make some tea and we could have a chilly picnic if you wanted. Or we could just sit in bed. I'll work on my book and you can work on your music."

She trailed her fingers on the redhead's neck and placed a kiss on her cheek. She lingered for a moment before putting her hands into the pockets of her jacket. Her chest felt like it was expanding and suffocating her, tears appearing at the edges of her eyes.

"I had a lot of fun with you, Becs. For someone who didn't want to go, you were the life of the party for me."

Tonight was the final night. She had been planning this for a while and she wanted it to end on a somewhat positive note. A moment wasn't lost on something that wasn't Chloe this night. She had stuck by her side and indulged in every single second together. It still wasn't enough and as she walked further and further away from her muse, she wanted to turn around and run into her arms.

Regardless of how all of this would turn out. Chloe would always be an important part of her life. In their short time together, Beca had become more hopeful, more affectionate and more sure of herself. Her identity hadn't changed, she was just better at showing it and Chloe was able to see her positives and help her with the negatives.

Chloe saw the good in her. Hopefully she would understand Beca's actions.

"Goodnight, Beca."

Saturday - 29th October

"Aubrey, please take a seat on the couch," Stacie instructed. She was stood in front of the couch, next to the television. This was finally happening. After much forethought and planning, she figured that she was ready.

The blonde looked at her oddly but complied.

"This is going to take a while."

"Okay," Aubrey said.

Stacie took a deep breath. "In my final year of high school, I was assigned a project by my biology teacher. All the students received different projects to avoid plagiarism. Mine was a research and observation project. Basically, I had to aggregate and present research on my given topic and then try and replicate the conclusions of the research in the real world."

The blonde looked understandably confused but seemed to be listening intently. Stacie continued.

"My topic was love. Specifically the physical component. It is much harder to observe the emotional side of love. It can be controlled too easily. However, our bodies will perform functions without our consent based on the current circumstances regardless of our culture. My job was to look at the research on these physical signs of love and see if I could replicate the results in real life."

"Love is not easy to replicate and even harder to test. Its effects are different depending on the person. As you can imagine, the volunteer couples I got for observation weren't very helpful. Most weren't truly in love. Some were only roped into it by their significant other and I had to either lie to them or break the news gently, depending on how much I liked them."

"It wasn't a complete failure though, I was able to observe some similarities between the research and my volunteers."

Her nerves began to get to her. So far everything had been backstory.

"I haven't thought about that stuff in a long time but my memory of it remained," she said, taking another breath. "A few months ago, I began to notice something peculiar about my behaviour."

She took a seat next to the blonde. "It was behaviour akin to what I observed in those successful volunteers."

"Firstly, it was sweaty palms. A common occurrence when a person is nervous. On that first day, when I went to shake your hand, I was embarrassed by how warm and sweaty my palms were. It had never been a problem before."

She placed her hand on top of Aubrey's.

"Secondly, the increased heart rate whenever I was with you." She moved Aubrey's hand and placed it against her chest just above her heart. "See, even now it's beating so fast."

"Remember that I told you that I was the observer." She again moved her hand, this time over Aubrey's heart. "Your heart is beating fast as well. It could just be that you're nervous."

"Sweaty palms and a high heart rate indicate some level of nervousness. It means that the person you're interacting with is significant in some way."

She moved her hands slowly to rest on Aubrey's shoulders.

"Your pupils have dilated. It's an indication of attraction. If you don't know what I mean, look at my eyes." Aubrey looked. "They should be doing the same thing."

Another deep breath. "Sorry, I'm super nervous right now. Which actually brings me to my next point. I had to practice this speech because it's hard to think clearly with you near me sometimes. My mind doesn't want to focus, it just wants to enjoy the moment, your warm body against me, your intoxicating scent. It's sometimes a little much. That and I can't stop looking down at your lips which makes me lose my train of thought."

The blonde was still looking at her, she hadn't moved away, her focus solely on Stacie.

"The physical side was easy to understand. I could observe it the same way I did my volunteers. The emotional part, I was unprepared for. I just couldn't wrap my head around it. It's hard to observe or to test because when it's happening to you, you don't want to think about anything else."

"You make me stronger. You took the time to look at who I am rather than what I look like. You don't care how others perceive you because that would be a distraction. You don't need others to tell you that you're a good person. I like doing it though. Because I like your smile which you seem to reserve for me. Spending time with you is always wonderful."

"You never take me for granted and you treat me with a level of respect I don't normally get. You make me feel needed."

"I hope I'm right about this."

Stacie captured Aubrey's lips in a kiss. She chose to be gentle, not wanting to force her friend. Her nerves weren't allowing her to have the passionate kiss she wanted, this contact was a little more pleading, almost desperate. A risk she was taking.

She broke contact moments later. "Bree, I love you."

Now the response, she gave the blonde some time to process the information. Besides, she needed time to collect herself. Her lips were tingling and she was almost sure she was going to wake up from a dream.

"Please say something," she begged.

She could feel Aubrey's arms slip around her, pulling her a little closer. In a flash, lips were on her again. A moan came out almost immediately before being muffled into the kiss. This one wasn't pleading, it was still soft but there was an almost comfortable nature to it. A second moan allowed Aubrey entry into her mouth which she entered rather hesitantly. Even given the current circumstances, she was oddly respectful and restrained but the way her hands gently pressed against Stacie's back and the gentle nature of the kiss told the brunette that these actions were purely driven by emotion and instinct.

They broke apart after the need for air overcame them.

"I love you too, Stace." They were the first words Aubrey had spoken since she had begun her speech and combined with the bright smile sent a wave of joy and relief through the brunette.

She pressed her forehead against the other girl, unsure of how to continue. The plan had been her focus for so long that she never had time to think about afterwards. Aubrey didn't seem to mind, her lips still curved into a smile and her fingers trailing the small of the brunette's back.

The blonde snuck another kiss, this time much shorter.

"Do you want to help me make hot chocolate?" Aubrey asked.

"Sure."

"And then we could snuggle on the couch and watch a movie?"

Stacie nodded, now strangely shy. Aubrey was beaming. She got up and took the brunette's hand, leading her to the kitchen.

She pushed Stacie against the countertop and lifted her legs so she was sat on top.

"You wait here," she said.

With that, she began making the hot chocolate, occasionally glancing at her with an angelic smile. Stacie just watched.

After a few minutes, Aubrey took a spoon full of the hot chocolate and gently blew on it. She then offered it to the other girl.

"How is it?" she asked.

"It's good."

She leaned in once again and gave her another kiss. The chocolatey flavor combined with the Aubrey's wonderful lips was slightly mind numbing.

And when Stacie pulled away and looked into those hopeful blue eyes, a few words came to the brunette. No more research, no more observation. She was one of the volunteers.

"Aubrey, I'm glad you exist."

Tuesday - 1st November

"You wish to return to the financial department?" asked the interviewer. His name was Don. African American, slightly overweight wearing a heavy grey suit and thick-rimmed glasses.

Beca nodded.

"May I ask why, Miss Mitchell?"

"I'm not comfortable at my job."

Don was looking down at her application. "According to this, you've been one of the best new employees at your department. Your head of department has glowing things to say about you."

"Success at my job is not the same thing as job satisfaction."

"Can I ask as to what caused the discomfort?"

"I'm not good at working with others."

He looked down again. "Is it due to your partner, Chloe Beale?"

"No, she was actually incredibly accommodating."

Cutting people out. Beca was good at that. She had cut out her father when he left, she had cut out her mother. It was all to avoid the pain caused by their loss. She still loved her mother and she still hated her father but she didn't want to dwell on them. It didn't make her any happier.

She could cut Chloe out too.

"Well, everything seems to be in order, Miss Mitchell. You will begin on Thursday."

This would help. With enough distance between the two of them, her feelings for the redhead would fade. She would have a clean slate to start over when she returned to Chloe and would be able to keep her emotions controlled from the start.

She might even have a significant other by then.

Perhaps Chloe will have found someone by then.

Thanks for reading!

Looking at my plot outline, this fic will be finished by chapter 15 excluding the epilogue. So there isn't long to go. My return to university was a little more uneventful than I imagined so I got this chapter done a little faster.

Thanks to Tasha1996, Baby Darth Dalloway, CapAmerica21, jengreene1980, Gleek0382, until its gone, Joshifer4Everlark, blurtopia, wolveswithoutteeth, LaRibeiro, xXFreakyUnicorn7689Xx, Guest 007, Plien, TacoxocaT and Jakarie for their reviews.

Thanks to all those that followed and favorited the fic.

As per usual, the chapter specific cover images are on my tumblr.