Chōkyōshi Shiriusu kimono(the Sirius beast tamer)

by Roringugaru

"Wait you mean you guys are the Sirius crew from the Yamato Legend?" "Yes..." six diffent pairs of arms wrapped around my body in different locations making me tense "But you know what this means too though right Reisaki?" "Wh-what?" someone's lips caress my ear, "It means you are our master now...master of the Sirius crew." Oc X Christopher has now become M (Last chapter)

22. One shot: Bury it

Hey guys so….i know this has nothing to do with the story but I'm posting this because I want your opinion. My strong point when it comes to writing is what you guys read all the time that I post: fantasy, adventure, with a hint of romance and things like that. This is a oneshot that I did a while back that I never got around to posting and it focuses more on a more realistic sort of approach rather than what I'm used to. part of being a writer is branching out and trying new forms of writing right? So I'm posting it here to hopefully get your guys honest opinion. Now when I say opinion I want honest criticism. I want a reason as to why you like it or don't like it or if there's something that needs to be improved on then let me know. I don't want outright flames that tell me nothing. I've posting this one because while I'm typing on the actual chapters him hoping this gives you something to read (even if it doesn't actually fit) and two: you guys seem to give your actually opinion and I respect that and I want to hear what you have to say about this piece especially since it's a genera that I'm not used to writing. so that being said I hope you enjoy this piece, I know it's long but I hope you take the time to read it. and here you go…

Bury it

My name…well don't laugh…it's Emmi. It's stupid I know. I blame my parents; apparently I'm named after my great grand father. I've lived here in the Peach Creek Cul-de-sac since middle school. My mother transferred here to keep me away from my dad. They don't get along…especially since he has a record now. I'm 16 years old and I've just started my freshman year in high school. I didn't like it here at first when I moved here. I had no friends and no one to talk to. I kept to myself and when I did try to talk to the other kids they thought I was weird, probably because I didn't dress normally. My strawberry colored hair is so short that it looks like a boys haircut and instead of green to match my hair I have blue eyes…really blue. Even now I dress like a punk I guess a baggy short sleeved shirt that hangs off my shoulder and baggy jeans torn a bit in some places and a pair of worn tenishoes. I didn't really care what they thought but I wasn't having the best of luck making friends. I was an outcast…I was used to it. However it was a bit different this time around. I was just walking around kicking a can when the three of them came up to me. There's was Eddy the 'leader' of their gang, Edd or as they liked to call him Double D; he was they brains of the operation, and then there was Ed a funny guy who loved video games, comics and had a big heart. It was like it was just a natural thing we became friends right off the bat. We got into trouble ate candy here and there it was just fun and for the first time I felt happy ever since my parents split from each other. I'm not one to show their but around them I could kind of do that. Now we're in high school or rather I guess I should say they're in their sophomore year while I'm just starting off in my freshman year. We see each other from time to time in the hallways, hang out at lunchtime and we still cause a whole heap of trouble here and there. but now I don't feel as happy…I haven't for some time. Since he got a girlfriend now I feel so vulnerable to the world. Sure Double D was always on the physically challenged side but out of the three of them he was the closest and before I realized what was happening I fell for him…hard. My chest would feel so tight every time I saw him smile my way and every time I heard his voice I always felt relaxed. It wasn't hard for Eddy to figure out he was always silently watching trying to cheer me on. I would try to tell Double D how I felt but every time…something came up and before I knew it…he was taken from me… nowadays I pretend, I stay silent…I either draw my emotions out into the open or I find myself singing for some strange reason. I used to love singing but ever since the parents split up I've become silent I wonder sometimes why now…why do I sing my heart out when I'm alone…when no one can see me…when no one can hear me…why is it that this songbird can't sing her feelings to those around her?

…

The bell for homeroom begins to ring as I close my locker and head for my classroom.

"Yo Emmi!" Eddy Shouts as I enter the room. He's got his legs propped up on my desk; he tries dressing like a thug to make himself seem a bit more intimidating seeing as how he's still the shortest in our group. His hair is combed back in a slick way and held there with a pair of sunglasses. His brown eyes always give him away when he has something up his sleeve.

"Hey Emmi." Ed says sitting behind my seat. His Black hair is slightly long but only about to his ears making him look lazy like he usually does. Even though his eyes are brown they seem a bit like honey colored and he always seems so innocent when he's looking at a comic like he is now.

"Hey guys." I look around and find our other group member. "Where's Double D?"

"Dunno he said he had something to talk about with someone this morning."

"Something to talk about…" it's most likely her…

"Stop worrying stone face he'll be here…" Eddy says as I let my mind get away with me. I remove Eddy's feet from my desk and take my seat when Edd rushes in. his dark brown hair hangs outside his sock like hat. He doesn't like to show it but his hair is really long and he doesn't want to cut it. it's unusual but his clothes are a bit baggy and he even wears a plaid shirt like a jacket but he somehow still looks smart even in that get up. his green eyes seem to show relief now that he's made it to class. Surprising to me he pierced his left ear thinking it was an adventurous thing to do when he was a freshman.

"Finally…made it…" he heaves as he sits in front of Eddy.

"Heh what took you sock head?" Eddy asks teasingly.

"I had to take care of something important…" he looks over at me and smiles brightly, "Hey Emmi." My heart throbs secretly in my chest and I give a slight smile.

"Hey morning." The teacher suddenly comes into the room. And we all take our seats. Once homeroom starts I see Double D start using his phone. Soon my phone vibrates in my pocket and I secretly pull it out. It's double D,

Btw you have bags under your eyes. Make sure you get enough sleep; it could affect the outcome of your academic career. Heh same old Double D…he's always been like this. we secretly continue to text back and forth as homeroom continues. Classes soon start for the day and my first class is art my strongest point. As we work on our projects the time goes by too fast and then the next class I have is math algebra to be more precise. It totally stinks that I'm not the same age as my friends then I would at least have someone to talk to. the stuff here is so easy to understand that it's really hard to pay attention. Finally algebra ends and then another class start that I can afford not to pay attention in it's finally time for lunch. I tend to bring my lunch as I did today and find my way to the cafeteria. Double D flags me down as Ed and Eddy seem to be having their own conversation about something. sitting down I open up my lunch and begin eating.

"That's it Lumpy!"

"Wahhh hahaha!" for some strange reason Eddy starts chasing Ed through the cafeteria and Ed seems to be enjoying it.

"Children…" I say shaking my head as the head out into the hall, "What was it about this time?"

"Something pointless. I wasn't really paying attention." Edd has his glasses on now that he seems to be doing some sort of writing. My heart thumps as he continues what he's doing. Sigh…do I seriously have it that bad? How long has is been now since I liked him. he's not even my preferred guy type and yet…I've got it this bad. Jeeze Emmi try to cover it up even just a bit…I have to admit though lately he does seem a bit happier than usual. Wonder what's up with him. I sit lost in my thoughts while eating my food when he looks up from his books,

"Say Emmi are you ok?"

"hm…yeah why?"

"You seem like you're spacing out."

"Oh yeah I'm fine just lost in my thoughts is all. Hey can I ask you something?"

"Yeah what is it?" I put on a brave face smoothing it over with my cool expression,

"nothing important really just thinking I guess. Never mind…"

"Usually that means you have something psychological going on. what's the matter not getting enough sleep?"

"Yeah I guess…" he's half right about that but it's not just that… "My mom is thinking about getting married again…I've never even met the guy."

"One of her…sex friends?"

"must be…although with her job I hardly ever see her so I really couldn't tell." I sip on my drink nonchalantly acting as if it's not a big deal.

"You want to talk about it?" I look him in the eyes; he's taken the glasses off now and I find my barriers starting to fail. My heart pounds in my chest with a horrible beat and I find it suddenly hard to speak. Something hard is forming in my throat I just want to say it to him to shout all my problems and feelings but just as I'm about to…

"Double D!" a girls voice comes from across the room when I look it's Marie. Double D gets up with a huge smile on his face and walks over to her. he's forgotten all about me. there was a time it wasn't like this. she and her sisters used to drive Double D and the others to the brink of insanity. But as of today they've been going out for about 2 years now. He smiles a lot around her I used to tell myself that it was just because he was being nice but I can no longer tell myself that lie. She's grown her hair out since them letting the bangs hand over her eye. She's got a bit of a grunge look about her too. They share a light kiss in front of me in the distance and it's as if someone has sent a cold dagger through my chest.

"But…your not mine to tell things to anymore…" I say as I look away from the happy couple. I bite my lip repressing all my feelings and emotions that threatened to spill over just from his look before. I close my eyes: burry it…just burry it … Eddy and Ed come back jolting me out of my daze.

"Man those two need to get a room…or find a private place at least." Eddy turns to me looking at me with concern, "You ok?"

"Not much can be done I don't plan on trying to break them up or anything. besides…he's happy."

"But you're not." Eddy surprisingly as somehow taken on the personality of being an older brother; I find it weird sometimes since he used to be so self centered. He still is but ever since he started high school he's matured somehow. "You need to just tell him Emmi. Even if he doesn't return your feelings you'll at least get closure."

"…and confuse him in the process…what would be the point in that?"

"But Emmi…you're always sad now." Ed says, "there's a girl in one of my comics who no matter what says what she feels. Maybe you should do that." I shake my head before standing,

"I…I don't have that luxury…I never did… all I can do is bury it…" with that I leave unable to repress myself any more.

"Em…!" I hear Eddy call out but make no effort to go back.

School ends for the day and I have art club now to help me relax. As soon as I sit down I start sketching away in my sketch book. It doesn't take me long to come up with a design for the day and I get things together to start painting it. my mind becomes empty as I let the colors flow on the page reds, blues, blacks and yellows. When I'm finished a blue bird wounded and broken sits in a cage surrounded by darkness. Its feathers are ruffled and covered in blood. I'm somewhat surprised at the fact that I made such a depressing painting.

"Wow not bad…" I turn to see a dolled up Nazz as she stares at the painting. She may be the head of the cheer squad but she's still an angel at heart. "it's a bit depressing though… again…" she says with a sad smile,

"…Sorry. My hand kind of took on a mind of it's own."

"Yeah but…lately you've been making a lot of sad and depressing pictures Emmi…is everything ok?"

"Yeah…it's fine." I smile lightly.

"You know you could enter one of your pieces in an art contest. They're really good."

"Thanks…was there something you needed?"

"Oh yeah sorry I know this is last minute but next week I'll be having a party at my house. Everyone is invited; you should come."

"I don't…know…I mean…"

"Aw come on…it will be fun." She gives me a cheerful smile. I sigh before putting on a façade once again,

"Yeah sure…I guess it'll be better than sitting at home."

"Yay! That's great! So…what are you going to call this one?" she points to my finished painting. I stare at it knowing very well that it's me who feels caged and alone,

"Caged Songbird…" I pick up the drying picture and put it on the wrack near by there are different wooden compartments that hold everyone's pictures. After hanging up mine to dry I take out the ones I've finished and look at them all. There's a pastel crayon picture of a faceless girl being held by someone; just looking at the colors you can tell she's filled with comfort hand feels safe from the things that would hurt her. her hair hides her face but the smile that is revealed is one of happiness. I had named it father and child but it was really me drawing a subconscious memory of how things used to be before Edd started dating Marie. My friends were the one good thing in my messed up life but Edd was special. Then a sketch of an angle is next with broken wings; she feels sad and alone. The blue petals that rain down around her give a sense of loneliness and everything is dead. The light that does shine through is lacking in the brightness of normal sunlight the color seems to have been sapped from it.

this was after they started dating; I had Eddy and Ed but Double D was the only one I could talk to about anything. once he started dating her; it almost felt as though he didn't have any time for us anymore. Eventually we talked to him about it but he doesn't talk to me like he used to any more. like today…once she came he completely forgot about me…

I keep flipping through all the pictured I've made; some of them resemble something from my childhood from the time my parents split from each other, my mother not even caring how I felt about any of it. how I couldn't even talk to my father the whole time since my mother forbade me when she was around everything even up until now. I can't tell anyone how I feel; I have no one to talk to about anything. art is the only way I can express how it all happened. I sigh before I put the various drawings back in the compartment.

There's no point in dwelling on the past…things happen and you can't change them. if he wants to be with her then…let him be happy. I just have to bury it…that's all I can do now…

…

I get home and text my father at least that I'm home. He may be far away but at least he still cares. I head into the kitchen and find a note on the fridge.

"Emmi visiting a friend tonight for work be home tomorrow…money for pizza in the bread box. right…you say you're getting married and you still sleep a round…some wife you'll be…" I take the money from the box and instead head out to the convenience store. I buy some healthier choices to eat and head back outside. My cellphone rings as I walk back home.

"Hello?"

"Hey Emmi, how are you?"

"Hey dad…" hearing his voice gives me some sort of comfort and I find myself smiling.

"Where are you right now?"

"…Out…getting something to eat…" he sighs

"And your mother…?"

"…out…with a friend…" I don't really have to explain it; he already knows. He's seen it.

"I see…so how are you?"

"I'm ok. I'm used to her leaving me alone in the house. So what's up; how's your girlfriend, Hanna right?"

"She's fine…she just finished a big project not too long ago for work." he pauses for a moment, "Emmi listen… about you coming down for the summer…" I stop in my tracks "I don't think I'll be able to afford the ticket for you to fly out here."

"…You…did this twice already dad…first on thanksgiving and then Christmas."

"I know…I'm sorry but I promise the next holiday you'll be able to come down. it's just that right now things are too-"

"Tied up?" it's not that…I already know. It's his girlfriend; she wants me out of the picture. she's telling him things to manipulate you isn't she? I don't blame you after what mom did to you…but…but…

"Emmi…you still there?" I take a deep breath.

"Don't worry about it; next time right?" I smile as if I'm actually talking to him face to face and pretend to sound cheerful so not to worry him. it's quiet for a long moment before he decides to speak,

"Yeah next time for sure…I'm sorry but I'm still at work I was just calling to tell you that."

"…ok, good luck at work." I go to press the end call button when I hear him say,

"I love you kiddo." My body flinches at the phrase as if I'm frozen. A lump forms in my throat as I try to keep calm. "You know that right?"

"Yeah…I know…bye dad." I hang up my body shaking, " I don't blame you for being afraid of losing her…but what about me? if you love me why are you avoiding me… if you love me…then don't lie to my face…" I've had enough by now and I walk aimlessly in the night as things start to pile up in my mind. It's time like these that I wish I could just talk to him right now.

I just need to…hear your voice…

Half consciously I pull out my phone and pull up Double D's number. Slowly but surely I press dial; the ring tone sounds so loud in my ear as I focus on it. someone picks up.

"Hello?" relief fills my every being as I smile to myself,

"Double D…hey um…"

"Emmi what's up? You're voice sounds weird."

"I-"

"Edd hurry up! we're next on the ride!" all of a sudden I hear Marie on the other side calling out to him. a cruel reality sets in that I had nearly forgotten. That's right…he…he only sees her…he…he doesn't have time for me anymore…that's right all of his time that he used to devote to me and the others is hers now…

"Ok just a moment please…hey sorry Emmi but can it wait until tomorrow? I'm out with Marie right now." My lips press together as I try to suppress my emotions. "Emmi?"

Burry it…Burry it…burry it…

"Don't worry about me; I'm fine…I just wanted to talk but I can call the guys…have fun." I quickly hang up so I don't lose it. I can't depend on him…I don't have the luxury of saying how I feel…no I don't have that right…I never did… as I think to myself my legs carry me away farther from home until I somehow end up at a cliff with a view of the moon and forest below. The only place I seem to be able to go. I set the bag of food down and sit as well. I take out the first of some small snack foods I bought, a back of crackers. Hardly, I ever cook so I can only buy things most of the time unless its something easy. Opening the package I slowly eat the bag as I think about things. My mind subconsciously plays memories of my child hood. One in particular is a memory of when I first moved to the Cul-da-sac.

"Emmi stop standing there you're in the way." My mom snaps as I accidentally bump into her while she directs the movers. "Stupid girl…go do something so I can work." without saying anything I just look at her as she walks away. I was already used to her abuse and neglect by then it didn't seem to bother me all that much. When I turn the houses all line up in a circle around the area and various kids are out playing. I take my back pack off a small little bag that I was allowed to take with me while we were driving here to Peach Creek. From it I take out a small bear old and an eye missing the only thing I have left that my dad gave me. hugging the bear I wish that my dad was able to win the custody battle; at least then I would have been able to stay with him and feel a little happy. A shadow looms over me and my mother stands there glaring at me with disgust. "I thought I told you to get rid of that thing Emmi?" I say nothing only look down as I clench the stuffed animal tightly. she thrusts her hand out to me demanding that I give it to her.

"you already…had me throw away everything else…can't I keep Pooka…please mom?" I ask finally working up some courage to say what I want.

"You're too old for such things you stupid girl and you're only going to see your father every once in a while. There's no point in keeping such a dirty thing, now give it here!" her demand only makes me hold onto it tighter. "You little-!" her grip on my wrist causes me to flinch and my grip on Pooka is suddenly gone. In front of me she rips the stuffed animal before walking off and throwing it in the trash, "Go play and stay out of the way." For the first time in a while I want to cry but instead I bite my lip and pick up my bag. Fining a place in the shade under a tree I watch the other kids play. I don't feel as though I'll fit in so I sit out of the way and take out a sketch book and a pencil and start to draw. Slowly a picture starts to appear on the paper when I hear someone approach me. when I look up I find a boy standing in front of me.

"hello there." he smiles brightly as he looks at me, "You just moved in didn't you?" I was never good at talking to people but I manage to nod my head. "I live just across the street from you; my name is Eddward, but you can just call me Edd every one does."

"…Emmi." I say looking down, "My name is…Emmi."

"Nice to meet you Emmi." He looks to the side at my house noticing that things are still being placed in it. "Um…I hope you don't mind me saying this but your mother isn't always like that is she?" looking up I see a worried look on his face and again I look down,

"Only when I'm in her way…" I say stoic. It's quiet for a while before he sits next to me,

"do you want to talk about it?" it was the first time anyone had ever asked me something like that. I can't help but stare at him wide eyed as he smiles at me kindly. My lips curve into a thankful smile as I stare back at him,

"…Yes…"

that was the first time Double D had ever listened to me; that anyone had ever listened to me. something wet drips onto my hand as I continue eating the snacks I can no longer taste. I realize I'm silently crying as I remember things I shouldn't. I set aside my snacks and rest my head on my knees to hide myself from the world. Suddenly I feel someone sitting behind me and when I turn for a moment I expect to see Edd but instead,

"Stupid idiot this is supposed to be your job. What the hell is wrong with you Double D?" Eddy sits there grumbling to himself as if he's actually talking to Double D. I'm disappointed but at the same time I'm glad that he's here not leaving me by myself, I turn back away from him hiding my face from him,

"What are you doing here?" I ask him.

"Heard your conversation with your pops…didn't feel right just leaving you alone right now but I didn't know when was a good time to talk to you." I place my head back on my knees hiding again, "Sorry I'm not Double D." he already knew I was expecting him instead but he still tried to help in his own way,

"…thanks…anyway Eddy…"

…

it's been a few days since the night everything happened. It kind of feels like it used to with all of us walking to school together even for once Double D is with us too. He walks by me as the others chat when Ed gets my attention. He puts me in a choke hold and gives me a noogie for some reason.

"Ak…Ed! what the hell are you doing?!"

"I heard; I heard!"

"Heard what?" I manage to get myself out of his grip.

"Your art! I heard the teacher is planning on putting some of it out so people can see it!"

"Oh that's right…I forgot about that." I say remembering the conversation.

"that's totally cool Emmi!" Eddy says

"That's wonderful Emmi! Your art's always interesting." Double Ds comment makes me blush slightly,

"Thanks you guys but it's not like it's that great. Art is just a hobby for me."

"But you're really good." His encouraging words only seem to hurt for some reason. Is he just saying that to be nice now or…does he mean it like he used to…

"So…have you guys made a choice as to whether you're going to Nazz's party?" I try to change the subject.

"Why is it that whenever the conversation is about you you always try to change it?" Double D ruffles my hair like I'm his sister or something and I'm not too sure how to feel about it. part of me likes it since it feels like the old times in some small way but then part of me hates it since he doesn't see me in any other way.

"double D quit treating her like a child would you?"

"What's wrong with you Eddy? Heh are you jealous that you can't pet her?" Double D tries to joke but it only seems to piss him off. Double D seems to remember something "Oh right I need to go meet Marie before classes; I'll see you guys later." Double D starts to walk off.

"You really are stupid some times you know that?" we all stop sensing the tension in the air.

"Excuse me but what did I do to deserve such hostility this morning?"

"You and your love sick attitude that's what! Not everyone here wants to hear about you and your sick little puppy love!"

"What does Marie have anything to do with this?!"

"EVERYTHING but as smart as you are you're just to thick headed to see it!" Eddy Jerks at Edd's cap sharply before storming off. It's because of me… I'm messing things up for everyone…even though I'm not worth it. I quickly chase after Eddy.

"Eddy. Eddy stop!" I grab hold of his arm stopping him from walking off, "Why did you say that back there?"

"Because stone face he needed to be told it since he's too dense to even see the fact that he's hurting you." I fold my arms,

"That doesn't mean you have to shout at him…why is it that it upsets you so much?"

"Marie ain't the kind of girl he thinks she is ok?"

"What does that mean?" he pulls out his phone and shows me a photo. In it there's Marie and the School Jock Kevin smack dab in the middle of doing it. I can feel the color drain from my face as I look at the very thing that could crumble Double D's world. I take a deep breath,

"When was this taken?"

"Couple of weeks ago…" I bite my lower lip, "You know now so what are you going to do?" he asks as he puts his phone away.

"What do you mean?"

"This is your chance to expose that girl for what she really is…! you could get a chance at your own happiness with Double D. I'd rather see you two together anyway than him with Marie!"

he's right…I can get Double D back with this…the one person who always listens to me…the one person who for some strange reason I'm able to be open with. I can get him back by exposing his so called girlfriend with this...! I could finally have some shred of happiness again…but what about him? he would be hurt…instead of happiness he would be miserable…and hurt…and in pain…Bury it…

"Erase it Eddy…" I say with a blank expression.

"What?"

"Erase that picture…"

"Are you kidding me! Why?! She deserves to be exposed!"

"if we do expose her Double D will only end up hurt…it will be him that will be hurt…ruining his relationship isn't worth that."

"That's crazy, he's going to get hurt when he finds out the hard way! What if he ends up walking in on them one day or something?!"

"…I'm not going to be the one to take away his happiness."

"What about yours?!"

"…I'm fine…I'm used to it…"

"I hate it when you do that." I look away from him. "You always hide your emotions when it really matters; you think Ed and I haven't noticed?! You've been getting worse ever since Double D started dating her. you try hiding your problems and make it seem like everything is ok behind that stupid mask you have on right now saying it no problem or it's ok or I'm fine! meanwhile he's not even aware that you need someone to talk to because he's love sick! I've seen it Emmi; I saw the other day when you couldn't talk to him over the phone because he was too busy with his girlfriend to even talk to you for a second! Never mind the fact that you have feelings for Edd he's neglecting you as a friend too!"

"…if that's what makes him happy…then that's fine…I've dealt with…my problems on my own before…he doesn't need to coddle me…"

"No you HIDE your problems! And depending on someone like you did Double D, that isn't coddling; it what friends are supposed to do!" I stand there letting his words echo in my head but I pay no mind to their meaning. I look him in the eye again,

But I'm not worth it…burry it…

"Erase the picture Eddy…" Eddy presses some buttons on his phone before he shows me the screen. In front of the terrible picture there's a question asking if the picture should be deleted. I press yes and the picture disappears. With that he puts his phone back in his pocket.

"There satisfied?" with that he walks away heading off alone to cool off. I watch him until he disappears from my sight. My chest tightens at remembering his words when my phone rings in my pocket. Opening it there's a message in my texts from Eddy. When I open it it's the picture I just asked him to delete with one message

"Think about yourself for once."

Think about myself… I don't have that luxury. I'm not worth it; all I can do is burry everything away…burry it deep inside…

…

After school I'm getting ready to head for art club when I catch a glimpse of Marie and her sisters heading into the bathroom. The conversation I had with Eddy this morning replays in my head. For some strange reason I get the urge to follow them. when I open the door I can hear them laughing and giggling about things.

"I can't believe you're still with that dork Marie." I hear Lee say.

"Yeah I thought you and Kevin-"

"Wait. Please you guys that's so not true! I love Double D." the two sisters squeal with happiness as I feel my face flush with anger. My teeth clench tightly together,

if you love him…then why are you going behind his back?! If you really cared about him you wouldn't hurt or betray his trust like this! I feel as though I need to say something to her so I take my phone out and pull up the picture before heading into the bathroom with them. the three of them stop their conversation and laughter when they notice me.

"Hey lookie here; it's stone face!" Lee says her curly hair getting in her eyes.

"Hey Emmi how's Ed doing?" May asks but I ignore the both of them and look straight at Marie.

"I need to talk to you."

"Oh ok what's up?"

"I need to talk to you alone…about Double D." I look at her sisters silently asking them to leave.

"c'mon May…let's give 'em a minute. we'll see you at home Marie." The two of them leave Lee catching on to the seriousness of the conversation. Once the bathroom door closes I lock it to make sure no one will come in and disturb us.

"What is it? is something wrong with Edd?" the innocence in her voice irritates me.

"I wonder about that. Marie how long have you been together with Double D?"

"For a little over two years…why?" I show her my phone with the picture of her and Kevin. He face turns pale as she looks at me. "H-how did you…?"

"I wasn't the one spying; let's just say a concerned friend caught you in the act by chance." She looks down as if ashamed. "How long?" I ask wanting to know everything.

"About…a year now…"

"So ever since your freshman year?"

"Yes…"

"Have you done it with Double D too…?"

"…No."

"Do you even realize what your doing behind his back like this?" I say in a low voice nearly losing my patience,

"I'm sorry I…"

"Do you even like Double D; or is the relationship with Kevin just Physical?"

"N-No I- I didn't mean for this to get so- oh man…I like Double D but it's- things have changed. I know Kevin doesn't seem like it but he's a nice guy…"

"And Edd isn't?"

"that's not…what I meant…he is very kind."

"Then what is it? why would you do this?"

"I like Double D…but…"

"You like Kevin more…" her eyes widen as I hit the nail on the head. She opens her mouth in a panic "You don't have to give me any excuses Marie…I'm not going to hurt Double D by telling him." she seems confused by my words as I watch her shoulders relax. I show her the picture once more before deleting it in front of her.

"W-why are you?"

"The way I see it you have two choices. You can end things with Kevin and stay with Double D and forget your feelings for Kevin or you can stop betraying Double D and explain to him that you found someone else; I'm sure he'll be understanding about it and yes he will be hurt; but anything is better than what your doing right now." With that I turn to leave.

"You could have just gone to him and told him about this…you like him right? You could have easily taken him from me with this."

"what good would that do if it meant hurting him in the process?" with that I leave.

Art club is in full swing and once again I feel myself half consciously drawing again. this time it seems to be shaping up to be a heart being pulled in two directions. I hate looking at it so I throw it away.

No…something else…draw something else; paint something else anything but what's in my heart right now. But no matter what I do I can't seem to come up with anything else. It seems to turn out to be something I'm trying to hide in my heart. So I let my hands do what they want until the painting turns out to be that of a monochromatic scheme of a girl standing by herself in the rain as she holds something in her hands. Something crumpled and broken, her heart is what she's holding. My phone rings and I look at the screen.

"Double D?"

"Emmi, where are you right now?"

"Art club… or rather the art room…the club ended a bit ago."

"I need to talk to you."

"Ok…is something wrong? You sound different?"

"I'll be there in a few moments." He hangs up after he replies rather coldly. I take down my picture and put it up to dry and try focusing on something else as I try to use bright colors. I close my eyes starting to remember the old days. I remember the alone time I had with Double D when we were younger and dip my paintbrush into the paint. In a daze I continue to paint the picture before I stop. When I look there's a young girl and boy sitting in a sunlit green field. Her red hair is hiding her face but her smile is genuine and happy as she sits back to back of the boy in the sock like hat. His face is hidden as well but the boy seems happy too. It's only half way finished with very little detail but I can almost see this happening again. I reach out to the precious memory before me just touching it with the tip of my finger. It's as if the warmth I used to feel back then is seeping into my mind, body and soul. I feel my lips curve up as a smile begins to form on my face when I hear someone come in. when I turn I see Double D. he seems to be in a slightly bad mood judging from the look on his face.

"Hey." I say smiling slightly but the look he gives me is one of anger. My blood feels ice cold from that look. "Is everything ok?"

"I'm fine." he comes over and stares at the painting, "that's nice…I find the colors to be very refreshing. What's this one going to be named?"

"Dunno…I haven't finished it yet."

"I just finished talking with Marie…" he finally says after we stare at the picture for a while; my body sort of freezes at his words.

"Really? Usually that puts you in a good mood…"

"She told me she's been seeing someone else for a while now…behind my back." So she told him…at least she made a choice instead of keeping it hidden from him. but why does he seem so mad?

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Are you?" his question makes me look at him and I meet a cold gaze,

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"She told me you found out about it, and that you coerced her into telling me." what…I didn't force her to do anything…

"I did talk to her but I didn't-"

"She told me you had a picture of her with Kevin. That you showed it to her and told her to make a choice."

"I did but-"

"Let me see it!" he demands,

"I-I don't have it…"

"What?"

"I…erased it in front of her so she wouldn't think I was blackmailing her or anything…I…it was her choice to make…I mean…"

"You had no right…" he looks away,

"Edd I…"

"you had no right to talk to her about it!"

"I…I didn't want to see you get hurt…I wasn't trying to interfere…"

"You shouldn't have said anything to begin with Emmi!" don't look at me like that… "If you didn't want me hurt you should have stayed out of it! What kind of friend goes behind someone's back and does this?!" please don't look like you're going to cry…that wasn't my intention…why did she make it sound like I'm the one at fault? Did she not want me to go for him if she couldn't have him? "I…didn't think you were capable of this…!"

"Lay off Double D!" we turn to see Eddy and Ed standing there. Eddy stares as Edd angrily while Ed looks back and forth between us uncertain of what to do. "If you want to take your anger out on anyone it should be me. I'm the one who took the picture Emmi wanted it gone. She probably talked to Marie to prevent you from being hurt any worse than what you are right now."

"No one Asked you Eddy! Stay out of it!"

"Not a Chance Bro! It's time to face facts Marie just wasn't right for you. But that doesn't mean you can just take anything out on Emmi."

"What did you…What the HELL do you know?! You've never even been in a relationship Eddy! How would you know about any of this; and who told you to send the picture to her in the first place!"

"No one…I did that of my own free will; I was hoping Emmi would use it to help herself but instead she was the bigger man in this situation and used it to help you out of a messy situation. I honestly respect her for it; she did better than what I would have done."

"Eddy Stop." I say, "This isn't helping anything."

"Y-yeah c'mon guys don't start fighting each other…!" Ed says looking worried.

"Shut up both of you he needs to hear this." Eddy says, before he turns back to Double D, "Look Bro, as much as you don't want to hear this, I think Emmi made the right choice in telling Marie off; I also think it was for the better that you two broke up."

"What did you say?!"

"Ever since you started going out with her you've become a love sick puppy! We hardly ever see you that much and you neglect your friends when they need you the most. She was practically all you ever thought about and it just kept getting worse!"

"that's not true!"

"Really? When was the last time you actually sat down and talked to one of us about anything? when was the last time you had a conversation with us that didn't have anything to do with Marie? When was the last time you actually listened to Emmi?!"

"What the Hell does that have to-"

"Emmi's Dad Called and canceled on her again for a third time to visit, did you know that? Did you know that even though her mom is getting married that she still leaves Emmi at home alone!? Did you know that because you're so wrapped up in your love affair she feels like she has to keep everything to herself?! we all are friends Double D but the only person that she seems to be able to vent anything to is you! But ever since you started rolling with Marie you've turned a blind eye to that!"

"SO WHAT!" Double D shouts. "SO what about any of that?! Those are her problems NOT MINE! I don't need her coming to me like some lost little puppy looking of attention; let her deal with them on her own! She has her own life and I have mine and thanks to her mine is ruined! I wouldn't even care if she just disappeared!" he looks over at me glaring at me with hate, "I don't need you following me around! We aren't children anymore! Get your own life and leave me alone you anti-social introvert! Get your own life or go die somewhere for all I care!" it's as if something in my chest breaks. Those words sting more than anything in the whole world I've heard. it's so quiet that it's as if time is standing still. Then in an instant Eddy makes his way over to double D and slams a fist into his face.

"Eddy Stop!" Ed comes over and hold him back before Eddy has a chance to hit Double D again.

"You son of a- I'm gonna tare you to shreds! What the hell Is your problem!?" Double D sits on the ground rubbing the red mark on his face his lip bleeding. Everyone seems to go silent as I move first I help Double D up without even looking him in the eye once. Then I go over and take down the painting and look at it for a moment. I feel like my stomach has turned into a large stone and I can't even register my heartbeat what so ever. What was just giving me a sense of happiness earlier is now causing my heart to twist in pain; I can no longer look at this as a fond memory as I once did. I take the unfinished painting and in an instant tare it to shreds, almost as if I'm trying to forget everything.

burry it…I have to burry it with all the other happy memories to…I don't deserve to remember any of it…Just burry all of it!

"Emmi?!"

"Hey what the heck are you doing Stone face?!" Double D says nothing but I can feel his gaze on me.

"it was just a test run anyway…I was just trying something different…it's no big deal." I let the crumpled paper drop to the floor and grab my backpack. "I have things to do…"

"E-Emmi?" I don't turn around but I stop when I hear Double D,

"I'm sorry Double D…I… you're right I had no right in interfering with your business…" I turn and smile, "I won't approach you ever again. I'll leave you alone." I turn to leave the three in the art room but run into Nazz. on the way out.

"Ah Emmi! Hey I was just coming to talk to you about…hey…what's wrong? Why are you crying?" I hadn't even noticed my vision becoming blurry or the tears streaming down my face. I…have to…have to burry it! why isn't it working…?! I don't like this…it hurts why? It hurt so much! "Emmi?!" I keep running as fast as my legs can carry me.

"Emmi!" someone calls after me as I hear footsteps coming after me. I run as if trying to keep away from a monster that won't leave me alone or a shadow that won't stop chasing me. I've always been good at keeping the tears at bay or finding a place to hide them from others so they can't see; but his words, it's like his words cut that restraint in half and then again and now I can't seem to stop them. the tears won't stop blurring my vision as I run into the light of the outside.

!HONK! my body freezes at the sound; my vision only clears for a moment allowing for me to see the cargo truck coming at me at full speed. My heart beats loudly in my chest but for some reason I feel strangely calm.

She has her own life and I have mine and thanks to her mine is ruined! Get your own life or go die somewhere for all I care!

If I died…would your life go back to normal? if I died right now Double D…would that make your life perfect again? would that make you happy?

For a split second my whole body is filled with pain and then I feel as though I'm being thrown and bounced around as I hit something hard before sliding a few feet. Then I feel numb before nothing at all.

"Emmi!" someone faintly calls for me but I neither the strength nor the energy to do so in return. The voices sound so distant and faint.

Is this what it feels like to die? Am I dying? If I die right now Edd…would you even care? No maybe not…I ruined your life right? There's no way you would miss me. right? You hate me…my very existence is pointless right? No one would miss me…right?

…

I remember hearing sirens; peoples voices someone holding my hand. But now all I find is darkness. I feel cold. Finally I gather the courage to open my eyes and I find myself in a room, a hospital room. But I'm standing as if I feel just fine. I just feel cold though. looking around I find that I'm the only one in the room. As I try to get my bearings I can see outside the room and find my friends along with Nazz and surprisingly Double D waiting outside the room.

"What's going on? Why are we here?" I turn to try and see if I can find a clue as to what's going on but when I look at the bed I find myself on the bed. My face is scratched up, my head wrapped in a thick layer of white wrappings, at least three different IV leads are stuck in my arms in various places. on my arm left arm is an IV giving me blood while the other two on my other arm are for something else. Along with the wrappings wires trail out from under it leading to a machine that seems to be keeping track of something along with a hear monitor attached to me as well. "Is this…am I dreaming? I- I have to be…I'm standing right here aren't I?" panicked I head for the door, "Guys!" but when I reach for the doorknob my hand fades right through it as if I weren't even there. even more scared I walk through it and make my way over to the others, "Guys?!"

"Emmi?!" the familiar voice makes me jump and I turn to see my dad heading this way with a tall woman with wavy black hair and blue eyes.

"Dad and Hanna…? Dad!" I try to hug him thinking he sees me but he only phases right through me. he doesn't even see me. he stops in front of the crowd of teens,

"Where is she? Where's my daughter?!"

"Are you Baston?" a doctor in a white coat finally comes over to the group as everyone stares at him.

"Yes I'm Emmi's father. Where is she what happened?!"

"sir…I'm afraid your daughter has been in an accident, a very serious one." The room goes quiet at the doctors words. He pushes up his glasses, "she's sustained quite a few lacerations in her right arm and both bones in her left arm were broken on impact…she's also sustained damage to her ribs as well and her right leg has sustained heavy damage as well…" the doctor seems to trail off as we all listen.

That doesn't explain why I'm like this…why am I outside my own body…?

"what else?" Eddy asks seeming brave enough to ask, "you look like you have something else to say." The doctor lets out a huge sigh,

"I'll be honest…I'm more concerned about her head injury. She was thrown around pretty hard from the impact and managed to hit her head on the concrete a few times…it's a wonder that she even survived it. right now it's touch and go."

"What does that…what does that mean?" Nazz asks her voice shaky.

"Emmi is in a coma right now…at the moment her brain is still active and a side from a few expected abnormalities in the readings everything seems fine…but we won't know if she will actually pull through until she wakes up. we've patched up her body and we've relieved as much of the pressure in her brain as we could but right now it's up to her…all we can do is wait."

…

I stare down at myself back in the private room. My father and Hanna sleep in a couple of chairs next to the bed, my dad hunched over on the side of the bed gently holding my hand that's under the covers. Today was the first time I had ever seen my father cry himself to sleep and it was while I was in a coma.

"So…is this some sort of outer body experience? Do I have to choose whether I want to live or die? Is that what this is? I…can't make that kind of choice…I thought I would just die. I should shouldn't I? I mean there's nothing special about me…I've done nothing but cause trouble recently, Eddy and Edd are fighting right now, this is the first time I've seen my father in over a year and it has to be like this…making him cry and…I've hurt Double D, the person I say I like. Maybe I should just let go right now. Maybe it would be better for everyone if I just disappeared…" I move closer to myself. I open my mouth to say the words and I can hear the beeping of the heart monitor starting to go erratic. But as I try to say the words that I want to a lump forms in my throat. I can't understand why it's so hard all of a sudden but I try opening my mouth again but still the words will not come to me. I start shaking as I start reliving all the good memories of my life even the ones that were recent. I step away from my lifeless body and the heart monitor returns to normal. "I can't do it…" I say my voice shaky and I feel tears running down my face, "Why? I can't do it but I should…that way I can stop being such a burden to every one…eventually everyone would forget about me so I…I should just die!" I say it and it seems to make sense but as I think about all the memories and the smiling faces, the small good things that did happen to me I can't bring myself to let go. "I don't…I don't want to die…I want to stay here…! I want to stay…but I can't…I would only cause trouble for everyone if I did…I want to stay but I can't…" I don't know what to do.

A few days pass by and everyday my father and Hanna come or stay the night. They can never see me but I always sit next to them trying to think. Everyday my father brings in a bouquet of flowers and replaces the ones he brought the day before. Today he's brought white lilies; my favorite flower. As I watch for some reason Hanna fixes the blanket covering my body and even tucks the stray hairs out of place back in order. Honestly whenever I met her she would pretend to like me in front of dad but whenever he went out or we were left alone she would always give me a threatening look. I tried everything to let her know I didn't want to be enemies but she never took me seriously. I knew she was the one feeding dad lies and fears about leaving him and what not to get him to leave me by myself. I'm honestly surprised at her behavior right now. Dad sits down heaving a big sigh and rubs his eyes like he's tired.

"All she ever did was try to be friends with me…" I hear Hanna say from behind, "We come here every day and I still can't believe that this is the same girl from before."

"Hanna I still want us to be friends." I say even though she can't hear me.

"This isn't your fault Hanna; don't go blaming yourself for this…" it's silent after that for a long while when my dad gets up. "I'm…going to go get something to drink from the cafeteria do you want anything?" Hanna only continues to stare at me as she shakes her head no. "I'll be back."

Hanna and I are left alone in the room; she sits on my bed tears still in her eyes and she takes my hand.

"You're mom hasn't even come to visit you has she? Your father told me about her; she sounds like a terrible woman to abandon such a good girl…" she sniffs. Going silent I only watch her trying to wrap my head around this different person I'm seeing, "Your dad is a very kind man…you should have ended up with him; maybe you wouldn't have so many problems like you do now." On her last word her voice becomes strained as she loses her composer, "but I'm terrible too; I didn't help the situation. I hurt you and your dad…by trying to keep you two apart. I've been in so many bad relationships- your father was the first good man I cam across in so long. I felt so…insecure… (Laughs) I mean all he ever talked about was his quiet little girl who he was so close to…I felt threatened by you even though I knew you were only trying to be friendly. I didn't want to run the risk of losing your dad to you of all people." she takes my hand she's holding and squeezes it tightly, "I am so, so sorry Emmi…that was wrong of me I…I should have never tried coming between you and your father the way I did. I know it's selfish of me to ask but please…please! You have to come back not just for your dad's sake but for mine too. I want us to get along like he had always hoped for…I want us to get along." Finally she breaks down crying, "Please…please come back Emmi…!"

I had no idea that she had felt that way…I knew to some extent she felt threatened but I didn't think it was anything like this… I reach out a hand to her to try and comfort her only to fade right through here. I can't do anything to comfort her and instead end up crying with her.

"Hanna…" dad softly calls to her from the door and she looks up. she and I both look at him in fear that he heard her talking. Her make up runs down her face as she continues to cry. He sets down the drink he bought on a counter nearby and walks over to her. while she still sits on the bed he reaches down and hugs her gently trying to comfort her. "She's a lot stronger than she looks; she'll pull through." The words seem to only make her cry more and I watch as they become closer than before they came here.

I want…I want to come back but I can't…I'll just ruin things for everyone. Like I did for Edd…I'll just ruin everything. It was better that I only blended into the background using my art as an outlet never saying anything to anyone; no of this would be happening if I had just stayed like that. I'm sorry dad…Hanna…I want to come back but I don't know if I have that right…I don't have that luxury…

After a while Hanna calms down; her eyes are puffy and red from all the crying. She and dad sit in the chairs by my bed when a knock comes form the other side of the door. When my dad answers the group enters the room. Eddy, Ed and Nazz enter the room.

"Hi Emmi's dad." Ed says with a happy smile

"Hey thanks for visiting." Hanna excuses herself most likely to go fix her face a bit. "Isn't it a little early for all you to be out of school?"

"We got out early today Mr. Baston; something about teacher meetings all afternoon. So we thought we'd all come see stone face here." Eddy say setting his bag down.

"How is she?" Nazz asks as she inspects me from the bedside.

"There's been no change in her condition but I guess that can also be considered a good thing too. The doctors still say it's too early to say if she'll come out of it anytime soon." Dad takes a sip of his drink he got earlier before he looks around the room, "I thought there was one more in your group last time, a boy with long hair."

"You mean Double D?" the mention of his name causes my heart to twinge in pain,

"He's…been busy…" Eddy says awkwardly.

"I see. Wait…double d…you mean Edd? That was him?"

"Yeah sure was."

"Huh Emmi talks about him all the time I'm surprised I was able to guess right off like that though. he seems like he's a good kid; hopefully he won't be too busy for much longer. I'd like to thank him…I was told by the doctors that it was him that rode in the ambulance with Emmi"

he did? Why would he…no he hates me there's no way that he would actually come with me.

"Yeah it was him…" Eddy looks over at my lifeless body. "It still seems so unreal…I wonder if she'll remember anything when she wakes up?"

"Eddy don't talk like that. Of course she'll remember." Nazz says.

"…You don't know that for sure…"

"Eddy…" They all stare at this unfamiliar person. Nazz steps forward and holds out a bundle of flowers to dad. "Here these are for Emmi." He takes them, smiling slightly. "I'm sorry I can't stay longer…I have to get home and study for a couple of tests."

"No…that's alright; thank you for coming." Ed and Nazz turn to leave but Eddy stays behind.

"Eddy?" Ed calls out to him.

"You guys…go on without me. I'm going to stay a bit longer." Nazz and Ed watch for a few moments before she starts to pull Ed out of the room. The second the door closes Eddy turns to my father a painful look on his face.

"I'm sorry Mr. Baston! This is my fault! Emmi got hurt because of me!" dad stares at him wide eyed. "I got…I got Emmi caught up in the middle of something she shouldn't have and she ended up getting hurt because of it! it's my fault that she…" I've never seen Eddy break down before. Ever since I first met him he's been this a self centered, over confident son of a gun. Ever since high school he's still like that but he's taken on a more sensitive streak and thinks of others a bit more. but for Eddy to actually break down and nearly cry like this I can't believe it. my father only stares at him,

"what…sort of something?"

"Double D…his…a girl was…behind his back…and she…Emmi…" Eddy can't seem to even form a complete sentence. Somehow though dad nods as if understanding,

"So a different girl other than Emmi was doing something behind Edd's back that would have hurt him. I'm guessing that Emmi talked to this girl and things sort of got out of hand in the end."

"It's my fault…I told her about it. if I hadn't she wouldn't be in this mess." No…Eddy. It's not your fault. It was my choice to talk to Marie about it…it wasn't your fault…

"She's quiet…but there's one thing that I have come to admire about my daughter. When she sets her mind to it Emmi will do what ever it takes. She's also…surprisingly loyal. She'll do what she can to protect her friends and family. If she did talk to this girl it was because she made the decision herself not for any other reason." Dad gives a tired smile but manages to go on, "none of you pushed her out in front of that truck… no matter how she got there it's not anyone's fault." He gets up and walks over to Eddy and places a hand on Eddy's shoulder. "Don't blame yourself for it." there's a knock on the door before someone comes barging in. a stern looking woman with an uninterested look on her face looks around before resting her eyes on me.

"Mom…"

"How much is this all going to cost?" she says,

"The first thing that comes out of your mouth when seeing your daughter on a hospital bed is how much it costs?" Dad raises his voice, "Moira what are you doing here? Where have you been?"

"If you must know Baston taking care of some important wedding plans. Much more important than sitting in a hospital room."

"Wedding plans?! Emmi is lying in a coma does that mean nothing to you?!"

"Actually yes Baston…it's the reason I'm here." mom pulls out a small stack of papers and hands it to dad.

"What the hell is that supposed to be?" Eddy asks looking at the papers from behind my father.

"Custody papers…" what? "you'll find everything in order; all you need to do is sign Baston." He takes a moment to look over the documents before anger fills his eyes,

"you're handing over custody to me?"

"I neither have the time nor the energy to be worrying about some vegetable lying in bed. I have my own things to worry about. I don't understand why you're questioning this. you wanted custody to begin with. now you have it."

"Moira you-!"

"Just sign the papers…I'll be sure to turn them in tomorrow."

"Eddy could you please give a moment?" without another word Eddy leaves. "Moira…why did you even take Emmi in the first place? Why even go through the trouble of raising her if all you were going to do in the end was abandon her?! what mother abandons their child at a time like this."

"I only took her because I didn't want trouble from the court or you…I only took her to insure things would be solved smoothly between us. it was her fault that caused us to go south anyway." Mom keeps a straight face as she tells it like it is, "if it wasn't for her you and I most likely wouldn't be standing here right now Baston."

"You heartless witch! Are you actually saying you wish Emmi was never born?!"

"No I'm saying I wish I never gave birth to her…that she ended up with some other family instead. Perhaps if that was the case than I could have gotten my promotion at the time…and you and I both could have be living-" At some point dad had signed the papers and he thrust them back at her.

"Take them but in exchange you get out of that house and leave it for Emmi, Hanna and I. Go move in with your fiancé…and stay out of our lives!" Mom somewhat starts at his proclamation,

"I'm not going to pay for you to live in that apartment." She says,

"I'll settle the deed with you later. Right now I want you out!"

"Fine." with that she leaves. I look down at my see through hands

"So…at some point or another…I ruined your life too mom…I'm sorry. No why am I apologizing you…!" a hard lump forms in the back of my throat, "You're the one who was making my life a living hell…! All I ever wanted from you was to just be your daughter…! I never wanted anything from you but you-" I look at the door she just exited from, "I hate you…! I hate you just as much as I hate myself right now!" I blind myself with my own hands covering my face. Even though I can't stand her, even though I don't ever want to see her again I can't help but feel torn wishing I had that maternal affection from her. part of me is scream- shouting at the top of my lungs: Mommy come back! I love you! Don't leave me! but no matter how much I shout and cry it won't work. she's already gone and she isn't coming back.

A few weeks later, I'm sitting next to the hospital bed that my physical body is resting on. crouched on the ground all I can do is wait and listen to my surroundings. It's not like I have anyone to talk to right now. Dad and Hanna are taking care of some business dealing with moving here to Peach Creek and everyone else is in school. It's not like would be able to talk to them anyway, I still haven't figured out how to get back in my body. so all I can is sit in silence. I heavy sigh escapes me as I rest my head on my knees when the door opens.

It's just the nurse here to take my temperature and blood pressure again…

footsteps slowly walk into the room and I pay no mind to it. however they stop too soon to reach the bed let alone to me. I look up and instead of a nurse I the last person I was expecting. Edd stands at the foot of the bed staring at me. I stand, dumbfounded that he would even show up here. he looks different, he's thinner and tired and his skin is a bit pale. He doesn't seem to look at if he's been taking care of himself that much. His face tightens as he continues to look at the me lying in bed.

"Why…why are you here?" I ask knowing I won't get a response, "I thought you hated me?" he looks down as if in response to my words,

"I…I keep replaying everything over in my mind. I keep asking and pondering what it is I could have done differently that day. however I can't seem to really remember anything except the fact that I was so angry…"

"You have every right to be angry Edd…"

"I know I should have come sooner but after everything that happened…I didn't even know if I should come or not. Part of me still wishes that I hadn't come still…seeing you like this is horrible and quite honestly I don't know whether to think you deserved it or not." I can tell by his words he's still angry at me.

"I most likely deserved it…after all I ruined your life…"

"Yet somehow instead of going to school my legs carried me here…" he scratches his head in frustration as he loses his composure, "Why did you…why did you have to get involved?! Things were fine until you interfered! why did you have to talk to Marie like you did?! What did I do something that bothered you…!? Were you just trying to get some attention what?! Why did you run out like that? Why did you-" he bends down hugging his knees to he chest, "Why did you get hit?!"

"Edd…" am I causing you more grief just by staying here in a coma…? Am I hurting you again because you can't move on? lately when it comes to you that seems to be the only thing I do is cause you pain. I walk over to him and kneel down as well. I try reaching out to him, trying to comfort him but my hand only passes through him. it hurts not being able to say I'm sorry, not being able to say good bye or anything like that.

"You…you deserve it yet part of me can't stand seeing you like this…!" Standing I walk away and fling my arms in frustration wanting to knock something over but instead something else happens. the small table near the bed shakes a once Double D notices looking at it like he's trying to figure out what's going on.

Did I…

An idea pops into my head,

Maybe I can…I can communicate in a different way…! I can tell him I'm still here! I could apologize!

Desperate, I wave my hand in front of the table again at first nothing happens. I try again and ever so slightly the table shakes slightly. Turning I see him stand wide eyed not sure what to make of it. he turns slowly in the room as if trying to find something

"Emmi…?"

"Yes! I'm here! Edd! I'm right here!" I run over to him but pass right through him again. No… all I can do is pass through things.

"Wh-what on earth…?!" when I look at him Double D is rubbing his arms like he's cold, "The air isn't even on so where did that gust of cold air come from?" he looks back at me on the bed, "E-Emmi…? Is it really-" the door opens for another visitor. We both start at who it is,

"Marie…?" He mutters. She seems uncomfortable as he stares at her. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see Emmi…my sisters told me I should at least check on her…after all she didn't rat me out to you about-"

"Stop." He cuts her off coldly,

"…I'm sorry…" it's silent for a long time before Marie moves walking further into the room. She places a vase with a few flowers on the table next to the bed. "Edd…?"

"What…"

"I…I'm really sorry for how things happened."

"Why on earth are you bringing that up now of all times?" he asks as he goes to stand by the window.

"Because…Emmi is in this mess because of me….and now…" She turns to him, his back still facing her, "She was just looking out for you, you know…that's why she came to me…" he says nothing, "Do you really hater her? I heard from Eddy…he had a few choice words for me…"

"And?"

"He let me have it…told me I shouldn't have let things get like this and all that…and he was right…he told me you…you went to find Emmi after our talk."

"Stop."

"You found her in the art room….you confronted her. you asked her about our talk…"

"I said stop."

"you yelled at her didn't you? Because of what I said, you shouted at here and you said some things you…because of what I said or didn't sa-"

"Stop already Marie!" He snaps finally looking at her "Yes I yelled at her! is that what you wanted me to say?! It's my fault alright! Emmi is like this because of me! are you happy now?! now just leave me alone."

"I can't…I can't keep quiet about though."

"just stop talking about already…! It's enough!"

"Edd I have to set the record straight. It's because of me you went after her in the first place."

"what are you-"

"Emmi didn't force me to tell you. Eddy showed her the picture apparently…he sent it to her after she told him to erase it. when she found me she showed me. she only asked me a few questions. She didn't even give it a second thought all she did was show me the picture and then erased it herself. all she did was tell that I had a choice to make: tell you or keep quiet." Double D only stares at her wide eyed,

"What are you…no you said she forced you to say something when I asked you!" she shakes her head,

"No you assumed that's what I meant when I didn't say anything. after I brought up Emmi talking to me you just jumped to conclusions. You were so angry I couldn't get a word in…! by the time I could you were storming out of the room…looking for Emmi I'm guessing." The color drains from his face as he breaks out into a cold sweat. I don't know what he's thinking.

"You you…serious…? Then I just…! No you're lying! You have to be!"

"No I'm not…" he says nothing else except fall to his knees, "Double D…I don't know what you said to Emmi but I feel like you have a right to know this…she likes you more than anything; she likes you like I used to like you..." it's quiet for a long time before Double D stands; he walks passed Marie without a word, "what did you say to her Edd…?" she calls out to him. his hand on the door,

"…I told her to go off and die somewhere…" with that he opens the door and walks out.

After that day I haven't seen Edd. He's probably finished with me. everyone else: Eddy, Ed, dad Hanna, Nazz, everyone has been coming for the past month and a half. My body is slowly healing but there's still no change in me ever waking up. I still feel myself separated from my body. all I'm doing is causing everyone pain by staying here.

"Maybe I should just give up…let myself pass on. at least everyone would be able to go back to normal. Especially you…" Edd was so tormented when he was here I can't even think of a better reason to let myself pass on from this world. However before I do that I know I still have one more thing I have to do. I'd regret it if I didn't at least clear the air with him. with all the free time I've had I've found a way to communicate. Apparently I can mess with inanimate objects to some extent and small ones like plates or vases I can use to my advantage pretty well and since I'm not connected to my body I can pretty much travel anywhere. I'm just like those stereotypes found in Ed's comics. There's one more ability I've picked up that I'm hoping will come in handy tonight, that will allow me to communicate and say what I have to before I let myself go. With it being the weekend I know it' will be easier to find him. at lease he won't be at school. I walk to the door and after taking one last look at my body head through it. I pass through the doors and halls and head outside. Nearby trees have changed colors indicating that it's fall. Looking around I find a familiar land mark and begin to walk towards my street. It's late at night so no one is around and the moon is full; that seems to be the only companion that I can find tonight on my last night on this earth. After a while I come upon the cul-da-sac and see all the familiar houses. The first place I stop at is my house where my father and Hanna are staying. I enter the house and make my way to their bedroom. They're both asleep tired from their day of moving and arranging things. From the look of things they're still going to be working on it. I walk over to Hanna first I place my hand on her shoulder and it passes through; I feel a slight connection, a tug at my hand,

"Take care of him for me Hanna…you're the only one I can trust him with." when I remove my hand she stirs a bit before settling back down. next I move to my dad and do the same thing touching his shoulder, "Thank you dad…for everything…I love you." With that I leave my home and head to the next. One by one I stop by everyone's home leaving a final message for them in their sleep. It doesn't take me too long and I find myself at Eddy's home and with him is Ed. from the look of things they were playing videogames as usual on weekends and fell asleep in their spots. I can't help but smile,

"You two always knew how to make people laugh…" I walk closer to them. I place a hand on each of them, "you two were the best friends I ever had…you always made everyday fun…I'm sorry for always causing you two to worry. Thank you for everything…good bye." I release them and head for the next home Edd. Along the way I spot Nazz place. I remember how she was always nice to me and feel the need to express some sort of gratitude so I head for her place first. She sleeps peacefully in her bed. I remember all the times she was ever nice to me, even I middle school she always smiled and said hi to me or asked me my opinion about something. she even asked me to come to her party. I bet it was fun even though I didn't get to go. I notice paper and a pencil on her desk and I head over to it. possessing the pencil I draw a picture of a bird being se free from it's cage and on the side write 'thank you for everything'. Once that's done I quietly leave the room letting her be. Finally I stand in front of his house. If I was in my body right now I'm sure my heart would be beating fast right now. I take a breath and walk through the door. I've been in his house many times and as usual his mom keeps it clean and tidy. It's a warm and welcoming place. I remember telling Double d I was jealous of him and what he had because of my mother; that he should cherish it. I wonder if he took what I said seriously. looking at the stairs I already know how to reach his room and climb them. even without a physical body my legs feel like lead. However I manage to force myself up the stairs to do what I came here to do. On the second floor I find his bedroom door closed and walk through it. as usual he's asleep at his desk but unlike what I would think he hasn't fallen asleep doing extra study; in fact the desk is barren instead he has his phone next to him like he's waiting for someone to call. The screen is lit up and I can see the screen savor, it of us in middle school on getting out for the summer. Double D took it wanting to remember our last day together in Middle school. It was the day Marie and him started dating too; it's probably why I look so sad even though I'm smiling slightly. I move to look at Edd, there's bags under his eyes like he hasn't been sleeping well. From the look of things this is the first time he's slept in a while.

"I'm sorry Edd…I promise the pain will be over soon. I just have to take care of this one last thing…I know I'm being selfish but just put up with me this one last time…" I reach out and my hand passes through him like the other times but this time I concentrate. The tug in my arm pulls me in until I see nothing but white. it's a bit disorienting but when I open my eyes I find myself standing by a river the trees around me are blooming with spring flowers. I guess he would try to find some comfort in dreaming about his favorite season.

"Emmi?" I turn to see him staring at me. I smile,

"hi." He inches closer until he's standing right in front of me.

"this…this is a dream…" I nod.

"Sort of I guess…this place is what you made up…I'm just intruding for a bit."

"What?"

"…nothing it's not important." I smile sadly at him, "You look tired." Edd rubs the back of his head,

"I haven't been able to acquire the right amount of sleep recently." It goes silent. I walk over to the edge of the stream and sit down. with no shoes I waste no time in placing my fee in the water. even though I know it's not real but I still want to make one more good memory for myself before I say goodbye. Double D shuffles over and sits next to me mimicking my feet, placing his in the water.

"You're not really here are you? This is just a dream correct?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Lately I haven't been able to get you off my mind…I keep thinking about everything involving you and I can't draw any sort of conclusions. It's driving me insane…I keep repeating that day over and over again."

"When I got in that accident…?" I see him nod in my side view. "do you want it to be a dream…?" I ask looking at the water,

"…honestly? part of me does…but part of me doesn't want it to be." There's something different in his tone but it still sounds as if he's distant.

"It can't be both ways Edd…" I laugh lightly.

"Then hypothetically speaking, let's say you were just a figment of my imagination?"

"Then I'll leave you alone if that's what you want…after all if I'm just a dream then you can make the call."

"…and if you're real…if somehow, by some amazing feat, some impossible event that you really are here with me right now?"

"Then my only intention is to talk with you…" I smile at him calmly.

"will you answer any questions I have for you?"

"Anything…I have nothing to hide fro you."

"why didn't you come to me about the photo?" he asks me sternly looking at me with those serious eyes. He still hates me…just bury it…one last time…bury it…

I take a deep breath,

"because that would have hurt you…right?" I say looking him in the eyes, "I didn't want to do that…and besides like you said it was something that was between you two…"

"then why did you go to Marie?"

"I didn't want to see you get hurt by her anymore than what it would have done. I…only meant to give her my opinion and advice on what choice she needed to make…when I talked to her she seemed lost and unable to decide what to do…I only wanted to give her my point of view…that's all." It's quiet and the river is all we can here for a while. Then he speaks again,

"on a different note…if you were in so much pain, your father, your mother everything, why didn't you just come to me like always rather than keeping all to yourself." His words hurt,

"…I tried…in the cafeteria, and the night I called you…I've tried…but…you weren't there…"

"What are you talking about of course I was there."

"Physically yes…but your heart and soul were somewhere else…somewhere I couldn't go to…"

"…Marie?"

"You…hehheh…you were always so happy about being able to talk about here and everything…I…I couldn't take that from you…she was your everything at the time…I was just some anti-social teen who couldn't get a single word out so it's understandable…you always had a smile on your face I didn't want to come in between that. But I did in the end didn't I…?" I lock eyes with him giving him a smile as best I can. But I can't take the look he's giving me and I look back at the water, "I didn't want to ruin your happiness but I did. I'm sorry Edd…"

"Emmi…I…"

"I know you hate me…you have every right to."

"Emmi listen I-"

"I'm just as you said an anti-social introvert…and I should just die…so I will…"

"Wait, wh-what are you talking about?!" I stand looking up at the illusion of the sky, "Emmi…!"

"I know you probably won't believe me…but I'm stuck right now. I can't come back to the world of the living because I don't want to cause anymore grief and suffering for anyone but I can't pass on either…because part of me still wants to live. But it's because of me that you and Eddy are fighting, that you and Marie are no longer together, my mother wishes I was never born…I'm only causing trouble for my dad he's trying his hardest to take care of me but I'll only cause him more suffering in the form of money…where is he supposed to get it?" something wet trails down my cheeks. Ah…how long has it been since I cried? It's fine though right…after all it will all end soon. "I guess I'm stuck somewhere in limbo; I'm a ghost like in Ed's comics…but not for much longer." Edd shoots straight up,

"What are you talking about?! why are you talking like this is the last time we'll see each other?!"

"Because Edd…this is the last time. I just came to say goodbye." I smile at him, "Once I go back to my body I'll end it…I'll pass on so that everyone and everything can go back to normal. I just wanted to come here to tell you thank you for putting up with me for all this time, and I'm sorry for everything."

"Emmi-!"

"But at least this way you get your wish right? I'll die and you'll never have to see me again. but for the record Edd…I always liked you like Marie told you I still do. I never meant to hurt you…I'm sorry…goodbye."

"Emmi wait-!" but the shock seems to snap him out of his sleep and I find myself out in his room again. Edd stands turning around as if trying to confirm if it was a dream or not. I take possession of his phone for a moment to type out one last message: have a happy life. as he stares at the message I leave him heading back to the hospital to finish the job.

…

the hospital floors are quiet as I walk up the flights of stairs one by one. I stop climbing on when I reach the fifth floor. My room located at the end of the hall waits for me to enter. I take a breath as I brace my self for my final steps. With each step my life flashes before my eyes like photos starting with the day I moved here to Peach Creek. I remember all the fun times I had with Ed, Edd and Eddy when we were younger, all the scams that we tried with Eddy that would get us all into trouble, Ed always reading a comic every chance he got, Double D always there to help us out with homework when we needed. All the memories wash over me until finally I find myself back in my room. I find myself staring back at my sleeping self.

This is it…now all I have to do is just let myself go right? I can't hold onto life anymore…I have to end it so that everyone else can go on and be happy. Who knows maybe it won't be so bad on the other side. I don't have to be afraid.

I move closer to myself ,

"I want to move on…" I close my eyes and concentrate. The monitor beeps erratically in the background. I feel myself being severs more and more my from my physical body, the connection that keeps me here slowly breaking. It's nearly finished when the door burst open. It startles me so much that I break all concentration and the connection is renewed.

"Emmi…!" Edd stands in the doorway huffing and puffing. "Emmi!" the door shuts behind him as he rushes over to my side. He checks the monitor and notices that everything is the same. In his hands he holds a book and a pencil, for what reason I have no idea why. he suddenly flops it down on the bed and opens the book revealing blank pages, then sets the pencil down. "I know I didn't imagine what happened in my room…that dream it was really you there right?! You somehow typed on my phone that message right?! So then that would mean you can do it now too! You're not gone right!" I'm so confused as to why he's here, why he seems so desperate. I've never seen him so out of breath not even when it came to Marie. Reaching a hand out I take hold of the pencil and let it write for me,

"Why are you here?" he stares at the paper

"Good lord…you really are still here. Please don't do this…don't just leave Emmi."

"I don't understand…why are you trying to stop me?" it takes a moment for the pencil to write out my message.

"Because I don't want you to leave!"

"That makes no sense."

"Why shouldn't I try to stop you…you're my friend right?"

"No…I'm the person who ruined your life…who ruins everyone's life. why are you trying to save me?"

"Because I know deep down you don't want to do this. you don't want to die right?"

He's still not making sense to me,

"You don't have to be nice to me anymore Edd…"

"I'm not doing this to be nice…!"

"You don't have to pity me then…I know deep down you hate me, you wish me dead. I'm sure everyone would be better off without me here even you. You would be happy with me gone."

"No I wouldn't! I would be miserable! I wouldn't ever be able to forgive myself if you left because of me!"

"What are you talking about…I'm just doing like you said I should Edd. I'm going to just disappe-"

"Just stop talking and listen for once!" his voice cracks as his face turns red. His voice seems to crack as tears form in his eyes. "this is all my fault….! when you were in my dream I didn't ask those questions to make you feel horrible. I was asking them to take a better look at myself. at first when you were hospitalized I was so angry at you and angry at myself that I refused to listen to what Eddy had said that day. when I visited you that day, I had every intention to just tell you that I hated you, that it was all your fault that you wound up like this that I had nothing to do with it. however I could never get the words out! And when Marie told me what happened it was like a crater had formed in the pit of my stomach. I had said such horrible things to you and what's worse is that I meant them…when the truth was that you were just trying to look out for me. I was the one who was the horrible friend…" his tears stain the book, "I'm sorry Emmi…! I'm the one who should be here in this bed right now begging for forgiveness not you…! I know it's selfish of me to ask this especially after everything I've done to you; but please…PLEASE! I'm begging you Emmi don't go! Don't leave me here! not when I feel so much for you!" still crying he take my hand and touches it to his forehead. "Please don't leave Emmi…!"

Edd…

"I want to…" I can't get the words out; I try using the pencil to tell him I want to stay but I feel heavy, disoriented. I see him trying to call out to me but I can't here him. everything feels as though it's spinning and I'm being drawn in to some place,

I want to stay…I want to stay…!

After that I don't remember anything else really, just darkness. It feels as if I hurt all over and my mind feels as though I've been in a hazy sleep for a long time. As I come around I hear a soft beeping in the distance. I open my eyes and things start to come into focus. Sunlight enters into the room, as I look around I remember things from my outer body experience.

How long have I been out, where am I? am I alive?

A throbbing pain pulses through my body answering my question for me.

I'm alive…!

My hand feels heavy as if something has ahold of it. when I turn to look, Edd is passed out beside me. my eyes well up at him being here. my throat is too dry for me to speak but I manage to somehow squeeze his hand. He stirs but I have to squeeze his hand again in order to get him up. rubbing an eye he looks around before realizing that he's still holding my hand. I squeeze his hand again to get his attention; he stares wide eyed at me.

"Emmi?"

"…hi…" I manage in a raspy voice. New tears pour from his eyes before he hugs me.