Chapter 14

Thursday - November 3rd

It was ten o'clock. It wasn't like Beca to be late. Chloe picked up her phone and called her friend, still listed as 'Honey'.

Annoyingly, there was no response.

She swivelled in her chair to look around the office. Everything else seemed to be in order. Everyone was working with their partners. The company email didn't hint at to the whereabouts of Beca either.

Being an hour late, she had expected Luke to have come over at some point to question her. Getting up from her chair, she made her way over to Luke's office. Perhaps he knew what was going on.

Three knocks on the wooden door. Uninterested in waiting for an answer, she burst into the room. Luke looked up from his computer.

"How can I help you, Chloe?" He asked.

"Do you know where Beca is?"

He raised his eyebrows and leaned back. "I'm surprised she didn't tell you. She moved back to the sales department. Something about not being comfortable working with others. She had great things to say about you though."

Chloe hadn't really seen much of Beca outside of work since the party. The brunette was occupied through the weekend and she hadn't visited Chloe since then. Now that she thought about it, she hadn't even received a call or a text from the girl. The redhead had dismissed the absence as her neediness manifesting and had chosen not to bother the other girl.

Why would she suddenly leave her job without telling me? Even if she was particularly unhappy with it, she would have said something before quitting.

I can't really put this down to it slipping her mind.

"Her replacement and your new partner will start tomorrow." The sound of Luke's voice bringing her back.

She nodded and exited the room, thoroughly confused.

Having received no replies to the countless texts and calls sent Beca's way, Chloe went directly to the musician's apartment once work was finished. The day had been filled with confusion and anger, her work suffering due to it.

She walked with a quick pace, not letting the panic that had been building to get to her. The reaction to the news that Beca had suddenly quit her job had been far too calm for the redhead and it had only hit her when she sat back down in her cubicle just how significant that news was.

Arriving at the front door to the apartment, she knocked.

No immediate response could be heard so Chloe decided to wait.

Recalling the night of the party, she couldn't remember anything odd happening. Well, apart from Beca leaving suddenly. The two of them had spent the vast majority of their time together that night and she hadn't seemed different. Perhaps something happened over the weekend to cause this sudden disappearance. There was one thing hanging in the air that Chloe didn't really want to acknowledge.

Beca's disappearance was related to her.

It had to be. If it was something work related, Beca would have told her. In fact, if it was related to anything else, she would have told her. Furthermore, she had quit her job to go back to where she been working previously. Again, without giving any warning. She had not communicated with Chloe since the night of the party outside of work but had been fine discussing things with Luke.

Thinking about it now, Beca had been distant during work as well. Chloe hadn't thought much of it, putting it down to the brunette being bored.

Panic began to set in. What had she done that had caused Beca to pull away?

Sadly, even an hour of waiting brought no answer to the door and no answers to her question.

She attempted to call again.

Met with no response once again.

More contemplation would be needed. Panic began to overwhelm her as the reality of the situation hit.

Friday - November 4th

Chloe paced back and forth in front of their table at the cafe. It was late into the evening and the cold conditions combined with the gloomy atmosphere outside meant that the place was mostly empty.

It was their weekly meetup for tea and Stacie was very worried about the redhead. The pair had already ordered drinks and Chloe seemed like she had some significant things to discuss.

She stopped in front of the table and sat down.

"Congratulations again on finally confessing to Bree, you seem really happy," Chloe said.

Stacie forced a smile. It was true that she was over the moon regarding her relationship with Aubrey. However, her focus was currently on the sad redhead in front of her and the overwhelming need to help her.

"I am, although I can't help but feel that gossiping about me and Bree wasn't what you came here for. We already did that remember?"

Chloe looked down at her cup. "No, I wanted to talk to you in person about this," she said. "Beca's gone." The words sounded difficult to get out.

"What do you mean?"

"She's gone. I found out yesterday that she quit her job. We haven't talked properly since the party and she's not returning my calls or texts."

Clearly this was causing Chloe distress so Stacie dismissed this as the redhead overreacting. "Did something happen to her at the party?"

Chloe shook her head. "I don't think so. Besides, I think I know why she's gone."

The brunette wasn't looking forward to the explanation given the tone of the redhead's voice. Still, she motioned for the other girl to continue.

"She finally figured me out, Stace. She finally figured out I'm in love with her. I sorta knew I was pushing it with every little boundary we crossed and I assumed that Beca would stay oblivious forever."

Chloe sighed. "I was her closest friend, someone she trusted, and I took advantage of her. Friends don't share a bed every single night, friends don't kiss each other constantly, or hold hands, or leave goddamn love bites," she shouted. "She must be disgusted with me."

Stacie reached across the table and took the other girl's hand, giving it a squeeze.

"I'm not going to let you deteriorate like this. You don't actually know why she ran so don't go to worst scenario," she said.

"Can you tell me why she won't talk to me? Why she didn't tell me she was quitting her job?" Chloe's words came through gritted teeth, her eyes a little more damp than usual.

"Chlo, Beca isn't the kind of person to be disgusted by your love of her," the brunette reassured. "That being said, I don't have any answers to your questions. You know her better than I do and I think you know that she would never do anything to hurt you."

"But what if I hurt her?"

It's easy when things go wrong to view loving actions as a negative. She needed to reassure the redhead. "You didn't," she said defiantly.

"And you're sure how?"

"Because you should see the way she looks at you." Stacie might only be an onlooker to their relationship but even she could see how much Beca cared about Chloe. There was a vigor to the two of them when they were together that was unmatched. "There's an explanation for what's going on and while it might not make sense to you, one thing that is certain is that you didn't hurt her. At least not with affection. If there is one person Beca cares about, it's you. Something is happening to her and she thinks that the best solution to that problem is to distance herself from you. We both know that's wrong."

She moved to the other side of the booth and sat next to Chloe before wrapping an arm around her and pulling her closer. The other girl's eyes were still threatening to rain but she buried her head into the brunette's shoulder. "Your job is to get angry and remind her that she can't just run from you. Both of you have forgotten how much you mean to each other but Beca's alone right now and you need to get through to her."

A muffled sob came from her shoulder. Chloe remained silent for a few minutes.

"Thanks, Stace."

Stacie smiled. "No problem. Make sure you punish her once this is all over. She's not allowed to think that this is acceptable behaviour."

"I will."

"No, you won't."

She was happy to be here, providing comfort for her suffering friend. Somewhere along the line, they had grown close and while it was initially a surprise when their conversations shifted from casual to meaningful, it had been a welcome change.

Friendship meant being there for someone even when they aren't at their best. The way that was phrased made it sound like a burden but right now, as she felt her shirt become a little wetter from the tears, she couldn't really say it was a burden.

Monday - November 7th

Aubrey was happy with where things were. At least regarding her relationship. The first few days had been strange. Despite the two of them being friends for so long, the sudden shift into a romantic relationship made them delightfully awkward. It took a while to get used to the pet names, the blonde understanding the intention behind them but still finding the sound of them directed at her bewildering. She revelled in it all though, all the while trying to remember that it was real.

Recent events had dampened their mood and with good reason.

"I'm worried about those two," Stacie said. They were watching a movie on the couch together. Tucked under a blanket with cups of cocoa cooling on the coffee table. The glow of the television was the only thing lighting the room. The open curtains resulted in a comfortably cozy atmosphere.

"Me too."

Stacie didn't appear to be paying any real attention to the movie and Aubrey had to admit that she wasn't particularly interested either.

"Should we do something?" The brunette asked.

Aubrey had already thought about this at length once she had been informed of the situation. "We've already tried contacting Beca and Chloe's gone to her apartment. She doesn't want to be found right now. Besides, I don't think we need to do anything. Not yet at least."

Stacie seemed unconvinced. The blonde decided to elaborate. "Let me put it this way, if I were to bet a thousand dollars on Beca coming back, would you bet against me?"

"No."

"That must mean you still believe that she is going to come back. She's looking for answers right now and eventually, she will realize that running away from Chloe isn't the solution. It's easy for us to see on the outside but it's different when you're experiencing it yourself."

Stacie sighed. "I guess we're going to have to support Chloe as best we can."

"I have faith in Beca."

She pulled away from the blonde and looked at her strangely. "You sound oddly confident in that statement."

Aubrey smiled. "I'm not going to elaborate but we have some similarities and if she thinks anything like me, she'll eventually figure it out."

Stacie's grip tightened suddenly, it looked as though it was an involuntary action. "You never thought about running away, did you?" The other girl responded by wrapping her arms around her and pulling her closer.

"Yes." Before the brunette could respond, Aubrey silenced her with a kiss. "Thanks for saving me."

A crimson blush crept onto Stacie's face. This was now a common occurrence. The girl was far more shy and flustered around the blonde. Her flirtatious attitude and general confidence regarding intimacy were thrown out the window. Aubrey found the new development to be adorable.

There was inkling in the back of her mind though. "I'm not doing something wrong, am I, Stace?"

Stacie shook her head immediately. "No, of course not."

"Then why are you so nervous? I didn't expect it from you. Not that I mind, I just want to make sure you're comfortable."

"That's because I'm not comfortable," she replied. Aubrey must have displayed her confusion and panic because she quickly explained. "In a good way."

"I'm still confused."

"I can't stop thinking. About you. And every little detail of our interactions. It's sensory overload and I've never had this problem before. I've never been so aware in a relationship before." She gave the blonde a kiss, this time displaying her regular confidence. "You make me uncomfortable, Bree. I can't switch my brain off around you. Not that I want to, because I'm savouring every rich detail. So I apologize if I'm not my usual collected self but you have only yourself to blame."

Aubrey removed the few strands of hair obscuring the brunette's face. Stacie's eyes looked vulnerable. Usually, vulnerability was associated with fear which was what made her eyes so magical. Those blue-green pearls weren't fearful, they were bright, full of hope. Uncertain in a sense.

Aubrey was speechless, distracted by them. She didn't know how she could articulate a response to that statement.

"I love you too, Stace." She kissed her again. "I like to pretend that I have a grasp of my purpose in this world but it feels good to admit I have no idea what I'm doing when I'm with you."

She knew that she would never fully be able to express her thoughts regarding Stacie but she had the rest of her life to try. The English language may not be capable of doing it, having far too many limitations, with not enough words of a grand enough scale to make a coherent thought on the matter.

"They'll be alright," she said. "I'm sure of it."

Saturday - 12th November

Second attempt at Beca's door. This time, Chloe had spoken to the landlord and found out that the brunette was still living in the apartment. She was even seen leaving yesterday. Attempts at approaching her at work hadn't gone well. She mysteriously vanished whenever Chloe went to speak to her or 'could not be reached' for whatever reason.

Confirmation that Beca was actively avoiding her.

The hallway was empty and the only light was coming from a nearby window. The floor was a grey wood, a similar color to the door. Grey seemed appropriate.

The last few days had been a difficult time. The redhead wasn't sure if she should allow Beca to have her space and hope for her return or chase after her.

Chasing after her meant that she was desperate and perhaps not looking at things clearly. She needed to remember that she had a life prior to Beca and that she could continue if the other girl didn't return. People come and go all the time and devolving into an unproductive mess wasn't something a grown woman should do.

Allowing Beca to have space only brought her anxiety. A series of what-ifs that would have too many paths that led to the smaller girl never talking to her again. It scared Chloe.

There I go again...

She had to keep reminding herself that chasing after Beca wasn't because she was needy, or unable to function. Her work hadn't faltered due to it and she was still living healthily, for the most part.

The reason she was chasing after Beca was because the brunette was her best friend. She wanted to keep her. Even if her feelings were never reciprocated. Her best friend was suffering and needed support, even if there was little she could do.

Chloe wanted Beca to know that she wasn't going to be abandoned.

The older girl had needed Stacie and Aubrey to remind her of these things. They had been checking up on her every day. They had their opinions on the matter but never voiced them. She got the feeling that there wasn't any ill will towards her or Beca. At times, they seemed hopeful.

Beca's door wasn't interested in being opened today either. No matter, Chloe had foreseen this and sat down against it.

The other girl had to come by sooner or later.

Returning home, the sight that greeted Beca was both adorable and alarming. Chloe sat against the door, her chest slowly rising and falling with her phone in her hand. Eyes shut and unaware of the rest of the world.

The smaller girl crouched down next to her and opened the door. With her other arm, she supported Chloe as the door opened. She then lifted the girl up, making sure not to wake her and walked over to the couch.

This was perhaps the third time Chloe had ever visited Beca's apartment. Most of their time had been spent at the redhead's place. The result of this was visible in the room. It looked like a regular apartment but it lacked any discernible soul. Unlike Chloe's apartment, which was lively. It looked like a home, for the two of them. This looked like a dwelling that Beca had retreated into.

Chloe began to stir in her arms as she was placed down onto the couch.

The brunette quickly moved to the kitchen to prepare tea. She needed some time to collect herself before this conversation. A sense of dread slowly filling her.

Avoidance of Chloe had been successful so far. She had avoided looking at the countless texts sent her way and had yet to pick up the phone when called. It was harder at work but she managed to convince a co-worker to help her out. She couldn't go back to Chloe, not yet. If she had read one of those texts or taken one of those calls, there was little chance that she would be able to resist going back.

Her suspicion was all but confirmed today. It had only taken a second of seeing Chloe on the ground to completely disarm her. Approaching her only made matters worse. She was caught off guard by the familiar pleasant smell, the touch of her soft skin.

She couldn't help taking her in. It would only be for a moment.

Her time apart had allowed her to contemplate on her situation and feelings for Chloe. With the distance, the other girl's influence was limited. To say she was happy would be wildly incorrect.

However, she was glad to have the time. It explained why she was less hesitant to allow Chloe back in, even if it was only for a short time.

Returning to the couch, she placed the two cups on the coffee table and sat across from Chloe. The redhead had awoken and was looking back at her. Beca was ready for whatever was coming her way, most of it deserved.

"You're not going to say anything?" Chloe asked.

"I needed time."

"That's not how this works." She had been calm up until now but Beca could see the ripple of anger slowly pass through her. "You're supposed to come to me with problems."

"Not this one," Beca said.

"So you decided to run?" Chloe was clearly holding back.

"I had to."

"And you thought I'd be okay with it?"

"Eventually. I know I had to be."

She breathed out, attempting to calm herself. The temper in her voice was still evident though. "Beca Mitchell, you are not allowed to walk into my life, become one of the most important people in it and then just disappear. You have to take responsibility for what you've inflicted upon me. I'm here right now because of how much you mean to me. So don't tell me how unimportant you are or why you don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Because everything else doesn't matter, not in the slightest."

To be honest, this wasn't how Beca had expected this to go. Chloe was clearly angry. But she was still somehow positive, albeit in a rough tone. The way she spoke was blurring the line between passionate and angry and Beca wasn't completely sure if she should feel guilty or motivated.

"I still need more time, Chlo."

Chloe dropped her head down and sighed at the response. "This friendship we have is a two-way thing. You don't get to decide when it ends on your own. I'm not going to give up on it anytime soon," she said. "If you need time, Becs. I'm willing to give it to you. Just know that I haven't forgotten about you and I'm not going to."

She stood up and walked to the door, Beca getting up and following her. Before opening it, she turned around to face the brunette. "Don't forget about me," she said. Tears were brimming in her eyes and slowly cascading down her cheeks.

Beca couldn't really handle seeing it but providing comfort right now would almost be insulting to the other girl, having caused the pain in the first place.

"I won't." Beca couldn't cry. Not now. She had no right to.

Chloe twitched forward for a second. Hesitation. She turned around and exited the apartment. The younger girl had to fight the instinct to reach out and grab her.

Wednesday - November 16th

The bar was a darkened area with most of the lights being on the crimson end of the spectrum. A good amount of the space was occupied by a dancefloor but the bar area was near the entrance comprised of a bunch of stools in front of the liquor. The place was relatively crowded but Chloe had no trouble finding a seat.

A quick google search had led her here. That search being the term 'Lesbian Bar'. She had decided to get over Beca. Doing that required someone else. She wished Stacie was here. The decision to not ask her to come had been deliberate. The brunette was unlikely to help her and would have attempted to talk her out of it.

Chloe didn't want to dwell on the fact that the reason she hadn't invited her friends along was because they wouldn't have wanted her to do this.

She's been sat at the bar for about four minutes when a beautiful woman moved near her. Looking towards her, she could see that this person was looking at her. Dark brown hair, brown eyes, tall. She was wearing a black leather jacket and jeans. Bright red lipstick that was particularly visible against her pale skin.

"I'm Helena," she says. "Can I buy you a drink?"

The correct response here would be yes. Correct?

She's physically attractive and seemingly interested in you. This is the reason you came here. Correct?

The answer to both those questions was yes, technically. Unfortunately, that didn't make her want to respond appropriately. She felt uneasy with the whole situation. Disgusted at the prospect of what she was doing.

She wasn't doing anything wrong. But it felt like betrayal. She was betraying Beca, going behind her back to find other women. Even with the solid fact that Beca was not her girlfriend, the irrational guilty feeling refused to subside.

Why?

Because of who the redhead was as a person. For someone so carefree and easy-going, her mind was surprisingly stubborn and it refused to see Beca as an impossibility, still holding onto hope that there was a chance. She wanted to curse herself for being so optimistic even in the current circumstances but those thoughts were snuffed out easily with images of Beca. It was almost like an automatic defense mechanism designed for a situation like this.

She still believed that Beca would reciprocate her feelings. And it made her happy.

Stacie would have been right. It was a mistake to come here. For her to give up before Beca had even returned would be something she would regret for a long time.

"Sorry, I'm taken," she replied, a smile creeping onto her face.

Helena walked away.

It was at that moment that Chloe realized why she was still holding onto hope with Beca. Prior to meeting her, the redhead hadn't been particularly concerned with relationships. They weren't a priority. The reason this excursion hadn't felt right was becoming clear. If she hadn't been interested in getting into a relationship prior to Beca, why was she suddenly so interested now?

The answer was simple. She wasn't.

Beca was someone who had stumbled into her life and Chloe had fallen in love. She wasn't looking for any relationship. She wanted Beca. If she hadn't met the younger girl, she wouldn't have been out looking for other girls.

She liked girls but that hadn't been what was holding her back from looking for a relationship. It just wasn't her main concern at the moment.

Coming to this destination had been made in the interest of starting a new relationship. That wasn't what she wanted though.

She loved Beca. That's why she didn't need to be here.

That's what Stacie would have told her.

That's why she still had hope.

Saturday - November 19th

The early morning seemed like an appropriate time for mourning. Not that Beca was here for that. Looking around the cemetery, the few people scattered around the area were mostly there on their own.

Beca liked this cemetery. Despite being associated with death, the lush plant life and open air of the place created a comfortable atmosphere. It was appropriately quiet and cool at all times. The area was surrounded by trees that obscured the nearby road and local flora seemed to be allowed to grow wherever it pleased making the land seemingly natural.

She made her way down the path looking around for the next turn. It had been a while since she had been here. A bouquet of flowers in her hand, it seemed appropriate although she hadn't been sure of the type of flower to get. The lady in the shop had given her a selection. They were mostly brought for customary reasons.

It only took her a few minutes to find the correct headstone. A grey granite one, still somewhat shiny.

Claire Mitchell

With my toes on the edge, I refuse to go quietly.

A loving mother and gifted artist.

Beca sat cross-legged in front of the headstone. Her eyes flickered around to see if anyone was watching her. She placed the flowers at the base of the stone.

Claire Mitchell. Beca always liked her mother's last name. When her father had left, she had found her mother's original name. A couple of years later, she had her own last name changed to her mother's and insisted that her mother revert back as well. Claire had questioned her on her intentions.

It was simple really. She wanted to be identified as her mother's daughter.

"Hey, mom" she began.

"I'm surprised as you are that I'm here. Luckily, you can't talk so you can't tell me I'm wasting my time by coming up here and dwelling on you."

That was actually something Claire had insisted on. She would tell Beca that once she died, visiting her grave would be pointless. Her mother's view of death was surprisingly light-hearted, especially towards the end, never allowing it to get to her.

"I'm here for a reason actually. I promise I'll leave you alone once we've had this talk."

"So, I met a girl." She pouted. "Stop grinning, I know it took me a long time to figure it out."

Fingers ran over the dew covered grass, coating them with a slight dampness. "Anyway, her name's Chloe. I met her when I started working for the creative department."

"She's slightly taller than me. She has beautiful red hair. She's uhmm. It's kinda hard to describe her. She's super positive and hopeful without being naive. I love talking to her because her worldview is so different from mine. Yet I can't find it in myself to be cynical of her positivity. I feel like it's infecting me. I'd like to bring her here one day against your wishes. Not that you can complain."

Hundreds of different aspects of Chloe were currently swimming around in her head and to explain all of them would take far too long.

"You would have gotten along with her actually. The frequency at which she invades my personal space was alarming at the beginning but I couldn't say it was unwelcome. She's warm. In every way. She insists on cuddling with me, kissing me and being close and I can't deny her. I don't want to."

"She's wonderful, mom."

"And I'm in love."

Her mother had gone through a divorce. She never found anyone after her husband left. Yet she always believed in love. Beca was a little more cynical of the concept and couldn't understand why her mother, someone who had been burned by it, had such a hopeful outlook on it. By admitting her love for Chloe, she was basically admitting defeat to her mother on the subject. Proving Beca wrong was never Claire's intention and the brunette was beginning to realize this.

"What do mean how did I mess it up?!" She stared hard at the tombstone.

It only took a moment for her to relent.

"I ran. I ran so I could get over her," she said. "It's been nearly two weeks since I ran."

"I thought the space would help to clear my mind. The funny thing is that while it allowed me to clear my mind, it didn't make Chloe go away."

Beca had been unprepared for how love would affect her. It had been a learning experience to say the least.

"The whole time I had been worried that I would ruin our friendship. Even with our distance, I couldn't help thinking about her. With the distance, I didn't let it worry me, convinced it would go away. Strangely, now that I wasn't panicking, I could look at it more clearly. And the more I looked, the less afraid of it I became. And I kept thinking the same thing."

"I love Chloe, and that's a good thing," she said, smiling. "Every time I thought about her, those words kept coming back to me and I found myself smiling."

She looked down at the ground beneath her, feeling the blades of grass against her fingers and the cooling effect it had on her skin.

"I thought that running away was the safe option. It would protect our friendship and I'd be happier in the long run."

"It never occurred to me that I had never felt safer than when I was with Chloe."

She breathed a sigh of relief. Those thoughts had been what she was supposed to find during her time alone.

"I love her, mom. I know you were always the badass mother and I pretended to be like you. It wasn't hard because we're not that different. Except I'm also a big softie and I'm perfectly happy with that."

She placed her hand over her mother's name.

"I miss you. So much. I wish you could see where I am now, because I know you'd be happy. I wish you could have met Chloe. She's the best thing to happen to me. You would have loved her."

She rested her head against the stone for a few minutes. There wasn't a need to cry, tears for her mother had been shed years ago and it wasn't a sad moment. She was happy.

"Next time, I'm bringing Chloe with me and you're going to like it."

After a while, she stood up and brushed the grass off herself before taking one last glance at the grave. She was going to bring Chloe here. Her mother was only pretending to object to it.

"Goodbye, mom. I'll see you again soon"

Thanks for reading!

This was the longest time between chapters and I apologize for that. To make up for it, this is also my longest chapter. My workload this year is pretty massive. I have to learn 4 different programming languages and build games in two different engines.

This is the penultimate regular chapter. I'm surprised I made it this far. By Friday, I should have a little more time to work on the fic so the next chapter shouldn't take as long.

I'd like to thank Baby Darth Dalloway, Guest, Tasha1996, LaRibeiro, Joshifer4Everlark, Jakarie, Guest, Eidraith, CapAmerica21, wolveswithoutteeth, until its gone, TeenageAvengerSurvivingSchool, CourtneySummers, Guest, Xwritr and Plien for their reviews.

I'd also like to thank all those who favorited and followed the fic.

As always, the chapter specific cover images are on my tumblr.