A dozen of people were pacing around the Blackbox theatre, moving props and setting up the stage for the play that would be shown that Friday. Sikowitz was over viewing his students and making sure everything was going as planned. While everyone was working with full energy, Tori was sitting in the last row, not caring one bit about what was going on in front of her. She had searched for Beck for hours last night, but she couldn't find him. He didn't even show up for school today, and that was only one more reason for Tori to be worried. She wasn't mad at him. She knew that she had provoked him. She knew that there was anger in him related to that memory, and yet she pushed his buttons, causing him to snap. She swallowed hard as she remembered what happened last night, her sore throat being more than a good reminder for it. She came back home late that night, and sleep was again something that did not want to come and save her from this reality just for a few hours.
She tried to call him, but his phone was turned off. A million of horrible ideas went through her mind last night about what he could have done to himself. As much as she tried to get that thought out of her mind, she couldn't prevent herself from thinking about the worst possibilities the most. What if he had done something stupid? What if he had hurt himself out of guilt? What if he got drunk or got mugged while he was wandering alone through the streets of LA that late at night? She hoped that she was wrong with all of them. She hoped that he wasn't here just because he didn't want to face her right now. That would be the best solution. She wanted to see him. To tell him that she isn't mad; that she doesn't blame him. She wanted to explain to him how she knew about his visits and how he can trust her. She just wanted to make sure that her friend is okay, but she learned from the past few weeks that good things don't happen to her anymore.
She swallowed hard again, almost wincing in pain. When she looked in the mirror earlier today, she froze out of shock at the choking marks on her throat. She spent half an hour trying to cover it with make up, but no matter how much she tried, make up couldn't cut it, so she settled with the next best thing. She took one of Trina's purple scarves and wrapped it around her throat, covering it completely. She was glad that nobody saw her that evening. She didn't know what her father would have done if he had seen her.
She looked up and saw Andre lifting one of the boxes before handing them to one of their colleagues who was standing on a platform they set up. He turned around and saw her looking his was. She saw him say something to the guy before turning around and walking towards her. She grew nervous. She didn't want to talk to him right now. He was her best friend and he would know that something had happened. He would ask her what it was and she couldn't lie to him. He knew her better than anyone, even Cat, and he would see through any lie or story she could come up with in a heartbeat.
"Hey. Why are you sitting here by yourself?" He asked her as he stood next to her. When she didn't answer or even look at him, he sat down on the chair next to her. "Girl, talk to me."
"Nothing. I'm just tired. I was up all night and I'm very tired." She explained.
"Then go home and get some rest." He said as he put his hand on her back and gently rubbed circles on it.
"I can stay here, don't worry. I just need some time to clear my head. I get all slow and dumb when I'm tired." She said as she finally looked at him and gave him the best smile she could. He looked at her, and as she predicted, he knew that something was wrong. It wasn't only because he knew her so well. Yes, she was an actress, a good one too, but he was an actor himself, and that means that he can tell the difference between real emotions and the ones acted out.
"Why didn't you get any sleep? What did you think about?" Andre asked, not wanting to let go so easily.
Tori knew that she was backed in a corner now. She didn't want to tell him what happened. She couldn't tell him what happened. Beck was one of Andre's best friends. They've known each other for years now, and she couldn't do that to him. After everything he has been through, she couldn't just let him find out something that could break him again.
"I'll be right back." Tori said as she got up quickly and hurried out of the theatre. She rushed to the bathroom and sat down in one of the stalls. She leaned on the wall and tried to calm down. She was grateful that the toilet was empty, since classes were still going on. She tried to come up with anything plausible she could tell Andre, anything so he would stop questioning her. She knew that running away like that was not the smartest thing to do, especially when he was suspicious that something had happened, but what else could she do.
She heard the bathroom door open and close. She knew that he would follow her and wanted to buy herself at least some time to think of something.
"Tori?" She heard him call. She sighed before she opened the door of the stall and walked outside. She looked at Andre as he walked towards her, stopping right in front of her. He didn't ask anything. He didn't say anything. He just stood her, waiting for her to finally tell him what was going on. She swallowed hard again, her throat aching from what happened yesterday and the fact that she was one step away from bursting out in tears in front of Andre.
She saw his expression change from patient to curious. He must have seen her barely able to swallow that gulp. She saw him look at her scarf. His lips opened just that little bit as if he wanted to ask her something, but he didn't. Instead, he slowly reached for the scarf. Tori took his hand before he could reach it.
"Andre…" She said in a barely audible voice. He looked at her, and that moment he was sure that he was on to something.
"Don't try to lie to me again." He said in a calm, understanding tone. She looked at him as her eyes filled with tears and her hand let go of his. He took the end of the scarf and slowly unwrapped it from her throat. His eyes grew wide, his caring, yet curious expression leaving his face and being replaced with shock when he saw the blue and purple marks on her throat.
"T-Tori, what happened?" He stuttered as he put his hands on her shoulder. She wanted to say something, she wanted to explain to him what happened, but no sound would leave her throat. She only shook her hand as she bit down both of her lips in an attempt to silence the sob that wanted to leave her body. She felt two arms wrap around her body as Andre hugged her to his chest. She leaned her head on his shoulder and let go, finally beginning to cry. He held her firmly with one arm while he put his other on the back of her head, gently stroking her hair. They stayed like this for a while, neither saying anything.
Half an hour later, Tori finally calmed down, yet Andre didn't let go. She could only imagine what was going through his head right now, but she was sure that at no point he would even have the idea that it was Beck of all people who did this. But how could she explain to him that it was her fault, not Beck's? How could she get him to understand that he wasn't in his right mind that moment? How could she explain to him that she pushed all of Beck's buttons and didn't think that whole plan through?
"Who did this to you?" Andre asked in a serious voice.
"Andre, please…" She begged, but he wouldn't have any of that.
"Who did this to you?" He asked again, this time in a more serious voice.
"Please, I can't…"
"Tori, who did this to you? Tell me!" He said as he put his hands on her shoulders and moved her away so she would have to look at him.
"I can't tell you. Not now. Please Andre." She pleaded, hoping to get more time. She needed to talk to Beck first. She needed to know everything before she could defend him in front of Andre.
"Alright, but I'm taking you home." Andre said.
"Okay." Tori sighed. Andre gave her back her scarf with which she covered her bruises again.
"Was it your dad?" Andre asked suddenly. Tori looked at him and shook her head no. He let out the breath he was holding, probably in anticipation.
"It wasn't him. It was someone I need to talk to, Andre. I can't tell you more at the moment. Please, understand." Tori said.
"Alright." Andre said after a short pause. He put his hand on the back of her head and planted a soft, warm kiss on her forehead. She hugged him around his chest, grateful that he didn't push the topic further. She pulled away and both made their way out of the bathroom and school while Andre held his arm protectively around Tori's shoulders. They walked towards the end of the parking lot where Andre had parked his car. As they passed by the corner, Tori's eyes landed on someone familiar who was just getting out of his car. She stopped in her tracks, making Andre stop too. She saw Beck lock his car as his eyes met hers. She saw the quilt in his stare. She saw the rings under his eyes. She saw that he was a complete mess, the complete opposite of his usual self. Before she could get herself back under control, Andre had noticed her reaction. Tori saw Andre look at her before his look moved towards the other young man. Andre's eyes grew wide as realization hit him like a ton of bricks. His expression went from shock to seething anger in a heartbeat, and before Tori could even say anything, Andre charged towards Beck.
"Did you do this to her?" Andre asked as he stopped in front of his friend.
"Andre, I…" Beck began, looking down as he didn't want to face Andre's venom gaze.
"Did you do this to her?" Andre asked again, this time with more venom in his voice as he grabbed Beck by the collar of his jacket.
"I… I lost control. I…" Beck began, but before he could finish, Andre pushed him back against the car and his fist connected straight with Beck's jaw. Tori ran towards them, her pace only quickening when she saw Beck drop to the ground, covering his body and head with his arms as Andre continued his assault. Before Andre could seriously hit him again, Tori grabbed his arm and somehow pulled him off. She jumped in front of Andre, not letting him reach Beck again.
"You son of a bitch! You fucking bastard!" Andre screamed as he tried to get past Tori, who wouldn't get out of his way.
"Andre, stop!" Tori finally screamed at him before she slapped him. She gasped after she realized what she had just done before she quickly brought up her hand on her aching, bruised throat. The slap seemed to have brought Andre back to his senses. "It's not his fault Andre!" Tori told him in a weak voice.
"How is it not his fault? Don't tell me that it was an accident! You don't give someone bruises like that on accident!" Andre yelled, not understanding how she could defend Beck.
"I saw a vision of one of his memories and I confronted him last night about it!" Tori said. "I went too far and he snapped." Tori explained.
"A vision?" Beck asked as he got up. He brought his hand up to his busted lip and wiped away the blood. "What vision?"
"Beck… for weeks now… I can see a memory if I have physical contact with someone, and one day, when you were helping me up, I saw a vision of you sitting in a hospital room with a woman and then asking the doctor about her. That's how I know, Beck. I should have told you that last night. I'm sorry." Tori explained.
"H-how?" was the only thing that left Beck's mouth.
"I don't know. One day… it just happened, and it has been haunting me for weeks. I… I saw the doctor tell you that they are doing the best they can, but that your mother, I don't know how that's possible, but he said that she wouldn't recover." Tori finished.
"What?" Andre asked as he looked at Tori before his eyes darted back at the young Canadian who leaned back against his car.
"I-I don't know how that's possible. I met your parents, and…"
"They are not my parents." Beck said.
"Oh god…" Tori said.
"Wait, so Karen and Peter aren't your parents?" Andre asked. Beck only shook his head.
"My father died in a car crash before I was born. He drove trucks over the ice road, up north. During one of those deliveries, he got off the road and on thin ice. The ice broke and his truck sunk into the cold water. He drowned before he could even get out of the truck. My mother was eight months pregnant at that time. When she got the news, she broke apart. She gave birth to me two weeks later." Beck explained.
"Beck, I'm so sorry." Tori said, not believing what he had just told her.
"How did you end up with your... the people you live with now?" Andre asked.
"My mother did not take my dad's passing well. She tried to take her life, to hang herself, but her, Karen, found her and managed to get her down and call the ambulance before it was too late. While she was in the hospital, someone had to take care of me, so Karen and Peter took me in. Since my mother wasn't mentally able to raise me, at least that's what the court decided, they wanted to send me to an orphanage, but my aunt and uncle opted to adopt me instead. We moved to LA a year later because they thought that we all should start over. But they were very open about my past. They told me everything that had happened and when I wanted to visit my biological mother, we would go and visit her and the rest of our relatives."
"But… why is she in the hospital?" Tori asked, not able to figure out that final part.
"Well, that's the fun part." Beck said sarcastically. "My mother had zero interest in any of us. She didn't care about any of us anymore. I don't know what screw got loose in that fucked up head of hers, but she changed completely after that. She began sleeping around, going to parties and what not, even when I was visiting. I remember they let me stay with her one night when I was ten years old after I begged them for hours. She almost overdosed that night in the room next to me. I found her on the bed next to needles and all sorts of shit I don't even want to remember. The doctors saved her again, and again, once she got out, she continued doing them. Four years ago, just after I found out that I got into Hollywood Arts, we got a phone call from Canada. She got hooked to meth, and that shit fried her brain completely."
"Oh god." Tori heard Andre say.
"So they put her into a hospital?" Tori asked. Beck nodded in response.
"They sent her to rehab more than once, but she always got herself thrown out. In the end, she ended up in an asylum under constant suicide watch. I've been visiting her for years now. That's why I am so often up there. There, Tori. That's the person who I'm visiting. That's the person you claim to have seen in your visions or whatever. Are you happy now?" Beck asked. Tori saw the anger rise in him again as he told the story. She could her it in his voice. But she also saw that he was falling apart while he was telling it. She could hear desperation and grief through all the anger that coated it.
"Why would you say that? Do you think that it makes me happy that you went through something like this?" Tori asked. Beck sighed as he brought his hand to his temples and began massaging them.
"Why did you attack her?" Andre asked.
"Andre…" Tori pleaded, but Andre shook his head in disagreement.
"No, I want to know. Why did you attack her? Why did you snap at her?" Andre insisted.
"Because I snap whenever I think of my mother! I snap whenever I think of the women who abandoned her only child! That's why I snapped!" Beck yelled out before his voice breaking at the end.
"Andre, please, I need to talk to him." Tori said.
"What? And leave you with him alone? What if he attacks you again?" Andre argued.
"I won't. I swear to everything you want me to, I won't lay a finger on her." Beck said. Andre looked at him and then back at Tori. He let out a long sigh as he thought what to do.
"Alright. But if you lay a finger on her again, I will fucking end you." Andre said as he turned around and walked back into school. Tori let out a sigh of relief as she looked after him. She turned around and saw Beck leaning on his car.
"I'm sorry." She heard him say. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Tori. You know that I would never want to do that. But I…" Beck tried to explain, but he didn't know how. Tori understood. She knew what he wanted to say, but he couldn't. He couldn't say that he would never hurt her, because he did, and she also knew that the guilt was tearing him apart.
"It's me who has to apologize, Beck." She said as she walked up to him.
"Tori..:"
"I went too far, I can't deny that. I should not have confronted you like that. I… I knew that you were angry about that memory, I felt it, and yet I did what I did. I didn't plan that one through." Tori said.
"It's just… I see people like Jade and now you, I know you are dealing with a lot of bullshit with your families, but… I never even had a chance at a family. My dad died, my mother just abandoned me like that. When she tried to hang herself for the first time… I was in the same room with her. I was barely two weeks old, Tori. I saw her almost kill herself twice. I'm just glad I don't remember the first time it happened. And now she is basically an empty shell in a hospital. I'm angry, Tori. I'm angry at her because of what she did to herself, what she put all of her family through. I'm angry at her because she didn't stop for a moment to think about what she was doing to everyone else. All she did was drown in her own self pity and use it to dodge all responsibilities." Beck explained.
"And yet you visit her." Tori said.
"I always hope to get an answer to why she did all that. Why she never wanted to recover. Why she threw all the chances people gave her away like that. That's all I want to know, but I never will." Beck said.
"I'm so sorry, Beck. But you have a family who loves you. You have your friends. We all love you, you know that, right?" Tori said. Beck smiled up a little.
"I don't think Andre does anymore." Beck said.
"He will forgive you. It was all too much for him too. Give him some time. I'm sure he'll come round. I'll talk to him about it." Tori said, trying to reassure Beck that everything is going to be fine.
"Why can't I just let it go?" Beck asked, looking at the girl who always seemed to have answers for everything.
"I don't know Beck. Maybe we are just stupid for holding on to things that hurt us in the past. I can only tell you what you guys told me to do about my problems. Talk to us, and let us help you. Maybe then we can find an answer." Tori said. "And I also don't want you to feel guilty about last night anymore, Beck. I won't bring it up ever again in front of you and you shouldn't either." Tori said.
"I can't just…"
"There is no point in it. The important thing is that you finally told Andre and I the truth. It's a start, and that's what is important." Tori said.
"Alright. If you say so. But about those visions, is it true?" Beck asked.
"It is."
"How is that possible?" Beck asked.
"I don't know. They just happen. How else could I know?" Tori asked.
"That's what I wonder too. But you wouldn't make things up like that. Not you. I believe you." Beck said.
"Thank you." Tori said.
"No, thank you for forgiving me. I promise…"
"I know." Tori said. She knew what he was going to say. She knew what he was going to promise her, and she knew that he would keep his word. Right now, she was only happy that she might have helped him start his journey to recovery.