Not Quite Paradise
Written by xmystorytime.
Disclaimer: If I owned this animé/manga... I'd've had more funny scenes between Cross and Allen. Alas, I don't and therefore won't get my wish. Sadly.
[Comfort] Ice cream makes the best comfort food, but it doesn't solve the problems littering the apartment.
--
There was nothing on TV.
He sighed loudly, irritated. Day-time television always sucked; most channels had the best programs on in the evening, when people came back from school or work and wanted to sit down and relax and not think about their day.
Well, he wanted to sit down and relax and not think about his day too... only, he wanted to do it now, not wait until evening. Now was the time he was annoyed and now was the time he wanted a distraction.
He'd had an awful day, and it was only three in the afternoon! His day wasn't nearly over in the slightest, but the small pessimistic mood he was in made him wonder just how much worse his day could get. It probably would, knowing the laws of the universe. Once you start off with a bad day, the rest of it just falls in line.
The phone rang, making him jump. He let out a squeak, the remote falling out of his hands to tumble onto the floor. It crashed on the tiles and there was a loud smack, along with the sound of clattering.
The batteries had fallen out.
"For the love of-" Allen twitched, gritting his teeth. Leaving the batteries to roll happily across the floor, until they were caught and gnawed on by his larger-than-life cat Timcanpy, he tripped over his own feet as he tried to reach the still-ringing phone.
Managing to keep his balance, he successfully reached his destination and, slightly breathless, he picked up the receiver. The cord dangled uselessly below it. "Hello?" he said.
"Allen?" a female voice said, hesitantly. Allen's mood lifted slightly just from hearing her voice.
"Lenalee, it's good to hear from you," he said sincerely, moving the phone to his other ear. With his scarred hand he picked up the body of the telephone and then pulled it over, back to his armchair.
"You too!" Lenalee said as he was sitting down. "It's been far too long! How are you?" she was, of course, making reference to the fact that recently she and her brother had moved away, back to China where they'd originally grown up in. It had been an emotional parting but she still kept in touch every so often.
Time zones between England and China made things a little bit harder.
"I'm... good for hearing your voice," he eventually decided to say, good mood dropping a little. "I haven't had the best of days, so your call is perfect timing."
"Oh! I'm sorry to hear that," she really did sound sorry. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not particularly," Allen said. "I've had enough of talking to last me a lifetime."
"That doesn't sound at all promising," Lenalee said, a little quieter. "Are you sure?" Allen cracked a smile, warmed by her concern for him. However, she hadn't called to be the recipient of his bad day, although he knew she would gladly be an ear if he requested it.
"I'm sure," he said, making his voice sound lighter. His gaze wandered back to the TV, where cartoons were playing. "How have you been?" He watched in amusement as the mouse covered itself in 'vanishing' cream, becoming invisible to the cat chasing him.
Allen always felt sorry for the cat.
"Really good actually! Of course I'm missing my friends dearly -" Allen grimaced, remembering that she had once said she considered her friends her world. Komui had surely known it too, but they'd still moved away, still left him... like they all did, in the end... "- but brother's been wonderful. He's trying so hard to make it feel like home and have me settle in, and I appreciate it, but it's not really working," she lowered her voice.
"Isn't it making it harder on you?" Allen queried. If he'd had to move like she had he wouldn't want anything of his past to come with him because it would just be another sore reminder of what had been.
"Mm. But I can't exactly tell him that, can I?" she sounded a little sad. Allen wished he was beside her, right then, if only so he could comfort her. "Still, there's this old lady who lives down the road who's an absolute dear to me -" and then she was off, rambling on about her life in China and all that had happened since they last talked
Allen listened intently, drinking in all the knowledge about his friend. Mostly, however, he just shut his eyes and listened to her voice. He had missed her far more than he realized, but he wasn't really surprised by that knowledge. She had been the first friend he'd ever made and they were each other's confidant. He missed going to her with his troubles. The ache in his chest, something that had already been quite large, just grew even larger.
"... this one boy, who I try to avoid. He reminds me far too much of Kanda," Allen, who had previously been making noises when appropriate to show he was listening suddenly went quiet. The name struck an already sore chord in his chest.
He really hadn't wanted to hear the man's name at that point in time. "Allen? Allen? Are you okay?" Lenalee asked, concerned by his silence.
"I'm fine, Lenalee," he said, not wanting her to worry. His voice was a little distant, however, and she caught it like always.
"No you're not. What did I say?" there was silence as she tried to figure out what had upset Allen. Not wanting her to pick up on what had made his day extremely bad, he tried to reassure her.
"Don't worry, it's nothing, please, continue telling me about him," he urged. Lenalee made a small noise and then went quiet.
"What did he do?" she asked, not sounding surprised. Allen remained silent. "Allen? What did that idiot do this time?"
"It's nothing," Allen said, watching the TV as the cartoon ended and the adverts came on. "Just a stupid fight again, that's all."
"That's the seventh one in the past few months!" now, she sounded annoyed. More than likely at Kanda, because she had probably correctly assumed that it was all his fault. Again.
"Yeah, I know," Allen sighed. "He was just being a jerk, that's all." he didn't really like talking about his fight with Kanda. For some reason, he always felt like a girl when he confided to Lenalee about what had happened. He couldn't help it, but she refused to let him be. He'd given up protesting by now.
But that didn't mean he'd make it easy for her either.
"Kanda's always a jerk," Lenalee agreed. "Is it like the other times?" Allen nodded and then remembered she couldn't see him.
"Yeah," he said, quietly. "He accused me of cheating on him again when I came back late again and refused to listen to my explanation, before storming out for work this morning before I woke." or perhaps he would make it easy for her. Even thinking about it gave him a small sting in his chest. How could Kanda have such little faith in him? You didn't see Allen accusing him of cheating every time the other worked over-time!
"Oh Allen, he really does love you, he's just... concerned. You have been working kind of hard with your new job," she sighed, mimicking him in tone. "Just give him time, you know that at one point he'll come back and ask your forgiveness."
"I know, but... I just get frustrated," he clenched his fist, nails digging into his palm. "I'll willingly give it but it just annoys me. He knows I'm not, he just-" he cut himself off, exhaling loudly. They both fell silent.
"You know what I think you should do?" she finally broke it first.
"What?"
"Eat ice cream." Allen snorted, tipping his head back and gazing up at his murky ceiling.
"Just because I date a guy doesn't mean I'm a girl Lenalee," he said dryly. Ice cream was what girls did when they broke up with their boyfriend. He had neither broken up with his girlfriend nor was he a girl. It wouldn't be right.
"No, honestly! It's the best comfort food you'll ever have! It's what I did when I broke up with Lavi," she said. "Worked like a charm." Allen rolled his eyes.
"No."
"Allen!"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes." there was a sudden horrendous crashing from Lenalee's side of the call. She shrieked in surprise and Allen jumped, deafened by her shout. He pulled the phone away from his ear and then to the other one again, rubbing his now-ringing ear. "What was that?!" he demanded.
"S-sorry Allen, but brother's just tried to build another Komurin. Reever's trying to stop him - oh, darn, I'll call you back later!" she sounded both sheepish and annoyed, but before Allen could reply she had hung up. Now greeted only by the beeping tone, he sighed and put the phone down on the floor.
Even if had only been for a short while, he felt a little bit more cheerful than before. Lenalee had always managed to do that to him.
He pushed himself out of the chair and, feeling peckish, meandered to the kitchen. Stepping into the small room he stepped over a discarded cereal box and glanced distastefully at the still-dirty dishes from the previous night. Someone should've washed them by now.
Oh well.
He stepped over to the fridge and took hold of the handle. He didn't open it, however, because he felt a sudden urge to go somewhere else. It wouldn't matter if no one else knew about it... right? Lenalee didn't think he would, and he'd finish it before Kanda came home, and Lavi was at work so there was no way he'd be dropping by, and Miranda and Krory never came by un-invited...
... his hand left the fridge and he shuffled sideways until he was stood in front of the freezer. A few tugs later it opened and he ignored the coolness that greeted him with practised ease.
"Ice cream... ice cream... where did we put the ice cream...?" he murmured, hunting around the bottom of the freezer, pushing aside the box of fishfingers. Eventually his fingers latched onto the big tub they had and with a slight grin he pulled it out. "Perfect." he said cheerfully and then went looking for a spoon.
He refused to think about his stubborn boyfriend for the next few hours.
--
He was dawdling.
There was no other word for it really. Maybe stalling. Perhaps reluctant, too.
It wasn't like it was his fault he didn't want to go in. The stupid beansprout had had it coming to him. He shouldn't be working so late anyway, what was Kanda supposed to think? It wasn't like it was normal for the idiot to work overtime, that was normally Kanda's job.
Except Kanda really had to work overtime if they wanted to pay the bills, whereas whenever Allen came back he always felt it necessary to inform Kanda on what he and Marie had done, what Marie had said, how kind Marie was because she had offered to stay on too so he would be able to come home earlier -
- he snarled, hands clenching tightly to the handles of his motorbike. Even thinking about it made his blood rise! That little whore, who he knew had a thing for Allen despite what he said. Every time he heard her name he imagined wrapping his hands around her tiny neck (tiny, along with the rest of her body because what. the. hell. she had to starve herself to be that skinny).
And the bean sprout was blind to it!
Thinking of the person waiting in the house for him made all the anger disappear, finally being reminded of his predicament. Really, this was starting to become a familiar pattern. It wasn't the first time he'd blown up at Allen and then found himself trying to put off going inside. It had all started when the idiot finally got a job. They'd been perfectly happy before then.
He sighed, turning off the engine to the motorbike and letting the blessed silence fill the garage. He rest his elbows on the platform just in-between the handlebars and then his chin on his hands, shutting his eyes.
It was his own fault he was in this situation now. He had no one else to blame, however much he might want to.
He knew Allen hadn't been cheating on him, he did, he just – he just couldn't stop what came out of his mouth. He grimaced, re-opening his eyes and staring at the blank wall. The pained expression on Allen's face, the dull eyes and the quiet voice, replaced the image and he glanced down to Mugen (yes he'd named his bike, so what?).
Was he a man or wasn't he? He had to go in there. He had to ap-apol- (he couldn't say it, no), however much he might hate it. Then Allen would accept it and then force him to sit on their sofa and watch whatever the premiere of the night was (which was invariably some action/adventure movie which Kanda would poke holes in all the not-so-plausible action sequences while Allen curled up next to him and went to sleep).
At times like those, he didn't really mind having to put up with the movie.
Damn it, he felt like a bastard.
He inhaled, trying to firm his resolve, and then exhaled. He was Yu Kanda, he did not hide from anything and he owned up to his mistakes. It was something his foster father, Tiedoll, had drilled in him from a young age. He got up off of Mugen and brushed at his clothes, trying to get rid of invisible dust. Then he turned and walked out the garage, reaching up to pull it off its latch and then shut it. He pulled the keys out of his pocket and locked the door before turning and crossing over the grass until he was outside his front door.
Resolve firmly in place, he didn't hesitate as he unlocked and entered the house. Instantly he was greeted with raucous laughter from the television, along with a heart-warming warmth, and as he shut the door he let the familiar atmosphere sink over him, coat him like a blanket.
Everything would be alright now he was here. Now he was home.
He turned, pulling off his coat and revealing a crumpled, dark blue shirt. He unbuttoned the top few buttons, glad to finally be rid of the stuffiness, and lifted his chin slightly.
"Beansprout?" he called to the house and waited for a reply which would tell him where his boyfriend was. There was no response. He winced, understanding why, and then decided to put off the confrontation a little bit longer. Undoubtedly Allen would wait until Kanda apologized first; he always did.
He moved through the hallway, bypassing the living room in favor of the kitchen. On his way in he tripped and only quick reflexes saved him from falling face-first in the cat bowl. Hauling himself up from where he'd caught himself on the nearby worktop he turned to give a deep scowl to the thing responsible for tripping him up. Timcanpy, their rather large cat, flicked his tail and looked entirely too pleased with himself.
"Shut up," Kanda glowered at it before turning away and making his way to the cupboard on the other side of the room. The dirty dishes caught his eye and he raised an eyebrow. It wasn't often that Allen didn't wash up the plates.
Perhaps to make up for things, he would wash them up for him.
Wincing, knowing that the idea was pathetic when he should just go in, forget his pride and a-a- (damn he couldn't even say the word), he bent down, opened the cupboard and pulled out a chocolate bar. He was hungry, after all – he hadn't had a bite to eat all day. It wouldn't do for his stomach to rumble when he was trying to a-apolo...
He finished the chocolate bar and threw the wrapper in the bin and then found he no longer had any other way to stall. He didn't need the toilet, unfortunately, otherwise he'd have gone. Why was it nature called at the most inappropriate times and not when it was needed?
"Fuck this," he swore, finally getting frustrated with himself. He strode out the kitchen, neatly stepping over Timcanpy and made his way into the living room. Upon entering the room he paused, blinking.
Allen was asleep, but that wasn't what had caught his attention. What had caught his attention was the tub the younger male cradled, along with the discarded spoon beneath a limp, dangling hand and the ice cream that had melted and then dribbled its way to the phone.
It actually kind of looked like one big mess.
He sighed, stepping forward. His... thing would be put off awhile longer, it seemed, not that he minded. He bent down, picking up the phone and then wiped off the ice cream on Allen's leg. Once it was relatively clean (he'd have to check later whether it still worked) he rest it on his boyfriend's lap and then picked up the spoon.
A quick visit to the kitchen later and he had a sponge and some kitchen roll. It was easy to mop up the ice cream and sponge at the tiled floor. The food had left a dark stain, but other than that things looked good. It would have been worse if they'd had carpet.
Shaking his head, quietly amused, he then moved to take care of Allen himself. He pulled the tub of ice cream (this, too, sloshed more like water now) out of Allen's arms and placed it on the floor, before putting the phone beside it. Now there was nothing that might hinder him he stood up and bent over, sliding his arms beneath Allen's armpits.
"You shouldn't fall asleep like this idiot," he murmured as he eased Allen out of the chair without waking him. "You're going to have such a painful neck when you wake..." once he'd got Allen nearer the edge of the seat he moved until he could slip an arm beneath his legs and behind his neck.
Allen was far too light when Kanda lifted him up. Kanda grimaced. "What have I told you about putting on weight?" he snapped to the sleeping boy, nudging Allen's left arm around his neck. "When you get blown over by a strong gust of wind I will not help you. I will, in fact, never let you forget it for the rest of your life and entertain myself immensely with the blackmail."
He was almost disappointed when Allen kept sleeping, but when the other shifted so his head was pressed closer to Kanda's neck and sighed contently, Kanda decided he shouldn't be so disappointed after all.
He turned and slowly left the room, slowly because he didn't want to knock into anything and wake Allen up. However, as they got further from the TV and the silence got the better of him he started to talk again. "Just why did you have ice cream anyway?" he grumbled. "I didn't even know we have any, and then I find you asleep after having eaten some. I ask again: why?" he snorted, nudging open the bedroom door.
"What are you, some kind of girl?" he let the door swing shut behind him as he entered the dark room. "Was it comfort food? Tell me it wasn't comfort food..." he laid Allen on the bed, achingly slowly, and then retrieved his arms. Once he had done so he crossed the room, turned on the light and then shut the curtains.
Once done he turned back to Allen and froze. Allen was no longer sleeping – instead he was blinking sleepy eyes at Kanda.
"K-Kanda...?" he asked, voice still lost in the threads of sleep. If the word had been in his vocabulary, Kanda would have called Allen 'cute' but because it wasn't, he had no way to describe how Allen looked right then other than it made him want to shield the other from the world.
"Go back to sleep," he said, a little roughly due to the painful tightening of his chest, and he turned away. He made his way to the door, intending to turn off the TV (saving electricity was always good) before returning. It was rather late, after all (yes Kanda had over-worked again, so what?) "You need it."
"Not as much as you do," Allen said quietly, making Kanda slow his pace. He reached the door and reached out to grip the handle. "Come back to bed."
"I'm just going to turn off that thing you call entertainment," he said, because it was Allen who had wanted the thing in the first place and because an attitude like that was the basis of their relationship.
"Don't bother," Allen said and Kanda heard the bed creak. He could hear his boyfriend as he got up off the bed and padded along the floor until he was stood behind Kanda. "Just – leave it. One night won't hurt," he whispered, close enough for Kanda to feel his body heat.
Kanda remained silent and then he felt Allen tip forward, resting his forehead against Kanda's shoulder blades. "Did you work late again?" he was quiet. It was like he was trying to treat it as a normal day. Kanda slowly let go of the handle.
"There were these papers..." he said, slowly turning around. Allen looked him in the eyes, face so open but closed, and Kanda slipped his arms around Allen's waist, pulling him to him. "It should be the last time I stay late this week though."
"Good," Allen whispered, reaching up to wrap his arms around Kanda's neck. It was a hug, but it wasn't tight. Kanda shut his eyes, leaning against the door, and tightened his grip on Allen's waist. His throat was burning with the urge to explain his actions, to tell Allen he hadn't meant any of the harsh words he'd said, to provide some measure of comfort for the both of them, because he refused to let it pass by.
He might not want to say it but Allen had no right to just accept it had happened and move on. Roles reversed, he wouldn't.
"I've been thinking," Kanda started off the top of his tongue. Allen shifted, getting more comfortable and Kanda shivered at the warm breath on his neck.
"Hm?" Allen prompted.
"We should have tomorrow off." Kanda himself was surprised with what he'd blurted out. Allen tensed in his arms and then pulled back, staring up at Kanda doubtfully.
"Are you sick?" he asked, removing one of his hands from behind Kanda's neck and resting it against his forehead. Kanda batted it away, scowling.
"No, beansprout, and if that's how you're going to act I won't suggest something like that again," Allen scowled.
"My name is Allen! Get it right!" he lowered his head again, returning to their previous position, and sighed softly. "For the record, that sounds like a good idea. We can go do stuff." Kanda shut his eyes at the hopeful tone, burying his nose in Allen's soft, white hair.
"Whatever you want," he said and decided that this was the best time to say it. "About this morning-"
"Don't," Allen shook his head against Kanda's collarbone. His hairs tickled Kanda's skin. "Don't ruin this moment, please." he begged, showing his wish for no more fights. Kanda frowned, thinking back over the few months and then his heart sank. It did seem that all he and Allen had done was fight. Shit.
When had things gone so wrong? He had to apo-apolo-
"I'm sor-" he got caught on the word, not allowing himself to say it and hating himself all the while. The half-formed word echoed through the room and Allen tensed slightly. "What I said I never meant. Nothing I said... I ever meant."
"But, you said..." Allen trailed off, slightly accusingly. Kanda shifted uncomfortably.
"I know what I said, but I never meant them," he said, slightly defensively. "You should know that by now."
"I'm sorry, but being accused of cheating doesn't really put me in a good mood!" Allen snapped back, pulling out of their embrace. He glared at Kanda and Kanda glared back, opening his mouth to point out that it was Allen who did nothing about that whore Marie when she clung to him -
- and then caught on.
All anger went out of him and he slumped his shoulders, saying nothing. Allen's glare faded and then they stood in an awkward silence. Kanda found himself cursing that they were in this state, that he had no idea how to fix this. Just when had every conversation become an argument? Just how quickly had things managed to deteriorate and he not notice?
"I'm sorry," Allen finally said and Kanda envied him. How could he say something like that so easily? He probably hadn't even hesitated, and yet Kanda couldn't even think the damn word. "We'll take tomorrow off. Have the day to ourselves." Kanda nodded, liking that plan.
But what he liked the thought of even more...
Fuck the world. Fuck everything. All that mattered was what stood in front of him, staring at the floor with downcast eyes.
He stepped forward, surprising Allen. He deftly stepped to the side and before Allen knew what had happened, picked him up and threw him on the bed. Then he pulled off his shirt and joined Allen, leaning over him and preventing him from escaping. "Kanda?" Allen asked hesitantly.
Kanda didn't reply, instead he bent down and kissed Allen roughly, moving to cup the back of his head with his hand. Only when he needed to breathe did he pull back, leaving Allen slightly dazed, and then he moved to press light kisses down the other's neck.
He might not be able to say it verbally, but he said it in every kiss, every touch, every way he worshipped the body beneath him.
He could only pray that Allen heard how much he meant it.
A/N: Look, more Yullen for you people! Apologies on the last chapter, it should be the only sad one I'm writing... but then I completely planned this story a different way so I can't promise that. This one is basically no exorcists, no demons, just a couple trying to get through some hard times. Which I have no experience in, so I don't know if I got it right or not. Here's hoping. See you next time!