Not Quite Paradise
Written by xmystorytime.
Disclaimer: If I owned this animé/manga... I'd've had more funny scenes between Cross and Allen. Alas, I don't and therefore won't get my wish. Sadly.
[Gift] Allen doesn't really understand Valentine's Day, but a kiss from Kanda turns his world upside-down.
--
Allen had been at the Black Order Headquarters for a relatively long time now.
He was pretty positive that he knew each tradition the building held, had come to believe he knew the general events of day-to-day-life. This place never seemed to make a fuss of any day except for Christmas, and he knew he'd remember that party for a very long time to come. (Each time he thought about it, phantom pain made itself known and he would have to quickly excuse himself.)
He was also pretty positive he'd seen his fair share of insanity. He'd survived several months at the Asian Branch HQ after all, and it was definitely crazier there with Bak Chan and Wong than it was at the main HQ in London. The only person here was kind of worried about was Komui, but even then he gave a warning when he was going to unleash his weirdness on the world (a period of silence from him was generally greeted with panic).
But this... this was a whole new way of looking at things.
With Mana, his beloved father, he hadn't bothered to keep track of any date except for Christmas. He still had the very first gift he'd ever recieved, given to him by his father, tucked up safe - even if it didn't fit anymore. When he'd been with his master, he hadn't had time for anything at all because he'd been too busy trying to work off his master's debt to even think about why people were celebrating around him.
Now, at what was considered home, he found himself becoming aware of... other days which people celebrated. Although, perhaps 'becoming aware' was a politer version of the phrase 'shoved in his face' because as far as he knew, he had not been warned about this.
"W-why... is the room pink...?" he said hesitantly and nervously as he stared into the cafeteria. It seemed the room had been completely re-painted over night. The grey walls had been swiped with pink, although grey streaks could still be seen; there were heart-shaped tablecloths and light pink napkins on each table, and even on the other side of the room he could see the very large pile of pink heart-shaped cakes being made.
"Allen!" The albino squeaked as someone tackled him and sent him stumbling to the side as they wrapped arms tightly around his neck. "Soooo, whaddya think? Pretty cool, huh?" Allen managed to twist in his attacker's grip and, once he saw the person, stared at him in disbelief.
"You did this?!" he demanded of Lavi, eyes wide. I knew Lavi was weird, but even this is a new low. Lavi barked a laugh and let go of Allen, before slapping him on the shoulder with a blink... or wink, depending.
"Naw, but I know who did," he grinned cheerfully. "Komui and Jerry do this every year. They get together and set out to, ah... educate? No..." he trailed off, trying to think up the word to describe just what it was Komui and Jerry did. Allen stared at him nonplussed, trying to figure out why Komui and Jerry would decide that everything needed to be pink and coming up with nothing.
"Is there a special occasion?" he eventually asked, and Lavi blinked at him with his one visible eye.
"You're kidding, right?" he asked, looking like he wanted Allen to say yes. Unfortunately, Allen shook his head and Lavi sighed dramatically before reaching out to take hold of Allen's shoulder. He shoved the younger boy down, patting his head like one would a child. "Jeez, you're really naïve sometimes Allen."
This was not the first time he'd been called it, and he was getting pretty sick of that word.
"Sorry," Allen said, a little annoyed but trying hard to keep it out of his voice. It wasn't like he tried to be ignorant. Just because I don't keep track of dates doesn't mean I'm stupid... but his annoyance eased when Lavi grinned and rubbed his hands together. It was obvious Lavi hadn't meant anything by it, judging by his glee.
"Great! I get to be teacher!" he said happily and Allen pulled a face. He'd been tutored by Lavi once before and had no desire to repeat it. "Today's Valentine's Day Allen!" Allen blinked, wondering why the name rang a bell in his brain.
"Isn't that... a day for love?" he said hesitantly and Lavi looked disappointed.
"Damn, I was hoping to teach you about that too," he said. Feeling bad, Allen scrambled to assure Lavi that while he might know what it was about he didn't know why it was here, or why everyone was making a fuss about it, and Lavi brightened. "Because everyone needs a bit of love in their life Allen!"
"... that's so cheesy," Allen said, rolling his eyes and turning away. "If you're gonna be this excited the whole time I think I might go back to bed."
"You can't!" Lavi caught his wrist and tugged him back until Allen was pressed uncomfortably close to the red-head. Lavi wrapped his arm around Allen's shoulders, gesturing to the inside of the cafeteria where a lot of people were already eating. "You'll miss out on all the meal specials! You'll miss out on the warm, chewy cookies, the soft, buttery cake, the mouth-watering smells of chicken..." he lowered his voice seductively.
Allen's stomach growled and he flushed, hands going to clutch at the annoying feature to his body. Damn it, how did Lavi know how to do that? Was he really that transparent? He glanced at Lavi, who was watching him innocently, and he snorted.
Stupid Bookman.
"Alright, alright, I won't go to my room just yet," he gave in and made Lavi cheer. Before he realized what was happening he found himself being steered through the room, towards the counter, and deciding that just this once he'd let Lavi take control. It was rather amusing to watch him act like he was king anyway – he seemed to be taking the role of 'teacher' a bit too seriously. "Lavi, I can order what I want for myself you know." He was ignored, unsurprisingly.
It was only when they'd sat down at an empty table that Lavi continued their conversation.
"You can't spend the entire day hidden in your bedroom! How are you going to get any gifts that way?!" Allen frowned, reaching for his glass of water and taking a few gulps.
"Gifts?" he asked, blinking a few times. "I don't want any gifts."
"What you want doesn't matter," Lavi waggled his eyebrows. "On Valentine's day, you give the person you love something special. Usually it's a card, for the less brave of us it's an anonymous card. Who do you love?"
"... something special?" Allen said doubtfully. "If the person means so much you'll give them somthing special, why do you need a specific day to give it? It should be given at any time!"
"You're missing the point Allen!" Lavi waved his hands above his head, suddenly exasperated. "This is the day that everyone finds that someone special, that you can be as love-sick as you want, that-"
"When you say someone you love, does that mean family? Then what if you love more than one person?" Allen didn't pay Lavi any attention, instead resting his head on his hand and frowning at the space in front of him. He thought over his friends and paled at the amount of money he'd have to spend if he bought every single one of them a gift. It'd be like Christmas all over again – only a little less pointless.
"No no no! This is romance only!" Lavi said. "This is a day for couples! To have and to hold, to love and to-"
"What about those who don't have anyone to love?" Allen interrupted, feeling sorry for those who wouldn't have anyone to hold. "How do you think they feel if everyone around them is celebrating their love and they're there with nothing to give or receive?" Lavi seemed to deflate a little at that.
"Well, you see, uh..." he stuttered, trying to find a comeback. The albino waited patiently. "Well, then they're just unlucky! They'll have love next year!" Lavi eventually decided that was it and nodded firmly, before tucking into the meal in front of him. Allen sighed, recognizing it as a tactic for ending the conversation, and started to eat his own meal.
Maybe he just hadn't had the right teacher (he would make sure to tell Bookman that his pupil was lacking in his ability to teach) but he didn't understand this concept of Valentine's Day. A day for couples to give each other gifts? What made it different from any other day? If Allen gave the person he loved a gift, he wouldn't wait until this one day to do so, he'd give the gift when he had it.
People were strange, he decided. No wonder Mana and Master hadn't bothered with these events.
"So, anyway. I was speaking to Marie, and he's planning to go into town today to buy a present," Lavi swallowed a bit of food. Allen jerked out of his thoughts, frowning at Lavi. "He wants me to go with him, to find the perfect present."
"Who's he buying it for?" Allen asked. Lavi grinned and leaned in, lowering his voice.
"Miranda, but don't tell anyone I told you," he cackled. "You'd be surprised how many people have unwittingly revealed who they're giving valentines to. Most people I know are going into town to buy a present, or to have a day out. Of course, you have to wonder who they're giving it to, seeing as there's so few females here..." he trailed off with a frown. "Do you think some could be gay?"
"Allen?" Allen turned, pleased someone had interrupted them before Lavi started suggesting other odd things, and a smile settled on his features when he spotted Lenalee stood behind him. She had her hands clasped behind her back and there was an amused, perhaps mischievous, smile on her face.
"Lenalee!" he said cheerfully. "How are you?"
"I'm alright," a strand of hair fell over her eyes and she flicked it back into place with one hand, keeping the other behind her back. Slowly, Allen became aware of a sudden hush and people glancing at them. Some had grins on their faces, others were inching warily away – Allen glanced to Lavi, who looked as perplexed as him.
"Is something the matter?" Allen asked, glancing back at Lenalee, suddenly nervous. She laughed and shook her head, eventually moving both her hands from behind her back.
"I've something for you," she said, smiling. In her open hands sat a small, wrapped gift. It wasn't signed but by the way Lenalee was holding it, she implied it was for him. The hall slowly grew silent and, should someone have dropped a pin, it probably would have been heard.
Allen swallowed, reaching out to take the item from Lenalee. He was confused – Lenalee was giving him a present? Lavi had said only couples or people in love gave presents... did that mean Lenalee loved him?! He snapped his gaze back to her, about to ask her to clarify - and found a white coat obstructed his view.
"LENALEE!" Komui wailed, bawling loudly as he hugged his sister tightly. (Where he'd come from, no one knew.) "My sweet, innocence Lenalee! How could you do this to me?!"
"Brother?!" Lenalee said annoyed, trying to get out of his grip. "What are you on about? Let go of me! Brother!"
"No... no... my precious Lenalee isn't to blame. She's innocent! But you..." Komui was obviously ignoring Lenalee's protests, like usual. The temperature in the room suddenly dropped several degrees as the chief supervisor glared at Allen. "It's your fault. You corrupted her!"
"What?! I didn't do anything!" Allen said, panicked. All I did was sit here! I knew I should have gone back to my room! The last thing he wanted, or needed, right now was for Komui to overreact and try to attack him, like he had so many times before (and usually resulted in the destruction of some part of HQ). "I didn't know anything about this!"
"You're lying! You forced my poor Lenalee to give you a present and now you're planning to take her away and ruin her innocence! I know your type Allen Walker!" Komui was doing a mixture of sobbing and yelling and, fearing for his life, Allen inched backwards.
"Brother, stop, if you would just listen-" Lenalee struggled.
"I don't know what you're on about!" Allen tried one last time. Komui suddenly quietened, and when he next looked up there was a terrible gleam in his eyes. A gleam that Allen recognized all too well.
"Komurin! We must destroy the threat to Lenalee!" Komui ordered, whipping out a remote from his pocket, and Allen decided that yes, he was a coward.
"This way Allen!" Lavi yelled from a gap in the crowds and Allen took the route Lavi offered. It gave him a direct access to the outside and he didn't hesitate to flee the room, dash down the corridor and seek safety in the best place possible.
Where the hell was the best place possible?!
He scrambled to the stairs and took them two at a time, soon growing short on breath. He climbed up four floors, until he was far away from all the noise down below, and then decided that he would just sit down for awhile and rest. He slumped against the wall, out of sight to anyone casually glancing, and slid down until he was sat on the ground. He tried to calm his breathing, willing himself to believe that the danger had passed. They wouldn't look for him here for awhile; he was safe.
He tightened his hands into a fist absent-mindedly, only to realize he couldn't. Startled, he glanced down and realized he was still holding the small gift that Lenalee had given him.
His stomach curled as he tried to understand what it meant. Did Lenalee love him? He considered her his best friend, yes, and he loved her but he wasn't sure he loved her like that... but he didn't want to hurt her! Seeing Lenalee cry was his worst nightmare of all! But... maybe it was like Alllen had said earlier. Valentine's Day was a day of love, and wasn't there love between friends? That was probably it. Lenalee was probably being kind, and he'd just been the first of her friends she'd given a gift too.
Comforting himself with that thought, he set about pulling off the simple ribbon tied around the plain white box. He was just about to pull off the lid when he heard footsteps approaching. His heart pounded slightly, fearing Komui and his Komurin.
"What the fuck are you doing up here beansprout?" Out of the frying pan, into the fire.
Allen slumped, exhaling in relief when he realised it wasn't Komui... and then gave a wry smile as he wondered whether Kanda was any better.
"I felt like taking a walk," he lied, shaking his head ruefully and looking up at his fellow exorcist. "Though I'm surprised to see you here." Kanda was scowling darkly as he came to a halt just beside Allen's feet.
"Who did you expect, idiot?" Kanda snapped and Allen suddenly remembered this was the floor Kanda slept on. Huh. Fancy that. "What the hell's that?" Kanda caught sight of the gift in Allen's hands, and the albino flushed. Realising it was just another point of embarrassment from his enemy, he tried to hide it but was too slow. Kanda snatched the box right out of his hands, smirking. "Did the idiot beansprout actually get a gift?"
"Give it back Kanda!" Allen scowled, scrambling to his feet and reaching for his present. Kanda's smirk widened as he held the box high, out of reach for Allen. Allen glared as he struggled to reach it, getting far closer to Kanda than he originally intended. "Give it back pretty boy!"
"Or what?" Kanda taunted.
"Or... or I'll do this!" Allen said and then tackled the other, sending them back against the railing. He slapped Kanda's arm and tried to catch the box as it fell - only to fumble. It bounced off his fingers onto Kanda's shoulder, then over the railing and down into the darkness below.
Allen very nearly fell over the rail in his attempt to catch it, and would have had Kanda not seen what happened and grabbed hold of the back of his shirt and slipped an arm around his waist. He watched the gift disappear forever and then all the fight went out of him. Allen slumped against the railing, resting all his weight on it and sighing loudly. "You can let go of me now Kanda," he said dully, knowing he was safe.
The grip on his back eased but the arm didn't move. Allen blinked, realising this, and twisted to see Kanda's face. "Kanda?"
"Who gave you that gift?" Kanda asked, not meeting Allen's eyes. Allen blinked, not really caring to answer because Kanda hadn't let go of his waist.
"Does it matter?" he started, annoyed. "It's not like I'm going to see what's in it now that you lost it-"
"Who gave you the fucking gift?!" Kanda interrupted, eyes narrowing and Allen huffed, painfully aware Kanda still hadn't let go.
"I got it from Lenalee," he admitted after a pause and he felt Kanda stiffen - in surprise, Allen assumed as he continued. "She gave it to me at breakfast and then Komui came and tried to kill me so I ran!"
"You think it's from Lenalee?" Kanda's voice went dangerously low. Allen shifted his weight from one foot to the other, wondering why he had got used to Kanda's arm around his waist so quickly. It felt... right, almost, and how weird was that? "Do you want it to be from her?" Although he hated to admit it, Allen knew he could be rather... blind at times. But even he could tell his answer to this question would determine some future fate he could have.
He wanted to try and put it off, not fond of making big decisions, and opened his mouth to demand why it was Kanda's business when he locked eye with the other. His mind went blank as he stared into them, seeing emotions he couldn't explain or recognise there. He swallowed, suddenly feeling hot and clammy, and broke eye contact, glancing away.
"W-well, Lenalee's like a sister, so, um, so it'd be weird-" he stumbled, in a good imitation of Miranda. "Plus, there's K-Komui and, well, uh..." he trailed off as he felt Kanda relax slightly. "Why? Was it important?"
"How would you feel if I told you that I knew who had given you the gift?" Kanda suddenly felt a lot closer. Allen swallowed, heart pounding in anticipation, but he didn't know why. "What if I told you that Lenalee had just been delivering?"
"Ah, it'd-uh-de-depend on who, uh," Allen swallowed, positive that Kanda was decreasing the distance between them and wondering why he wasn't moving away. "I-I mean-"
"What if I told you..." Kanda gave a squeeze of his waist and, surprised, Allen looked to Kanda's face. He found himself unable to breathe as he realized there was hardly any space in-between them. He could feel the other's hot breathe mingling with his own and, damn it, he wasn't pulling away. Why wasn't he pulling away? "... it was me who sent that gift?"
Lips pressed lightly on his own.
Allen couldn't breathe, couldn't think - he was so surprised he could only stand there as Kanda gave him a tender kiss.
The pressure was suddenly gone. Kanda pulled away from him and, when they broke contact, Allen felt colder than he had been in his life. There was an awkward silence on the corridor as Allen stared at Kanda, not sure how he was supposed to respond to that. Kanda, too, seemed unable to move, as if waiting for Allen to be the first.
He hadn't even considered the thought before. Not with any of his friends, or co-workers, but especially not with Kanda. But then, hadn't he once heard something about there being a fine line between love and hate? Kanda made him feel things no one else did, but he'd always assumed it was because he'd never met anybody who was so bloody irritating as the male before him.
In all honesty, the prospect of doing that again... was something he wasn't adverse to. He wasn't experienced in kissing, but even if he had just been standing there... it had still felt kind of nice. Even if it was Kanda.
His stomach flopped. Maybe... because it was Kanda.
"Beansprout?" Allen blinked, swallowing heavily as Kanda waved a hand in front of his face. His lips tingled and his brain felt a little fuzzy, but it cleared when he saw the other was smirking. Kanda had their air of someone who'd just made an important decision, but Allen's voice was was stolen by the soft look in the other's eyes. "I knew I kissed good beansprout, but not that good. You can hardly form a sentence."
Wait, what?
"K-Kanda-" Allen stuttered.
"I'd thank you for being a test subject, but that was as disgusting for me as it was for you, so let us never do that again." Kanda continued as if Allen hadn't spoken. "If I can make the person I hate most speechless, I'm positive I'll be fine."
"Hey, wait, I was-?" Allen spluttered when he understood what Kanda was saying. "You mean you used me?"
"Of course," Kanda shrugged. "Surely you didn't think I actually liked you?"
"I don't know what I thought, but I had thought maybe-" Allen cut himself off and crossed his arms, glaring darkly at Kanda. "It doesn't matter what I thought. Go bog off already, it's not like I care." Yet why was his heart aching now, each time he thought of Kanda with someone else?
"I don't need your blessing, bean sprout," Kanda rolled his eyes and turned, hiding his face from view. "If I see Komui I'll tell him where you are, by the way."
"You wouldn't dare!" Allen clenched his hands into fists. Kanda merely waved a hand carelessly in the air, already walking away. "K-Kanda! Get back here!" Allen called after the disappearing figure.
Kanda didn't come back, of course, and Allen was left alone in the corridor.
He swallowed, a hand slowly going up to press on his lips, and remembered the warm feeling he'd had earlier. His mind was a mess, his heart was aching too, he felt weak and shaky – perhaps he would be best to go to his room and lie down for a bit.
It was typical of Kanda to go and mess up his life.
Focusing on the anger that came with the thought, he pushed aside any sort of feelings he didn't recognize and let the anger be his shield. As he stormed down the corridor, already shouting mental curses at his enemy, he wondered why he suddenly felt like he'd made the wrong decision, like he'd lost a once in a lifetime chance.
But then... he hadn't had the chance to decide, had he?
He wrapped his arms around his waist, suddenly feeling drained.
Sleep would be good. Everything would look better in the morning. It always did, even if he never believed that.
A/N: Yes, I am a loser. I totally missed the deadlines by like... over a month. But hey, they ARE coming! Have faith! This -was- going to end kind-of-happily, but then I thought it was too much like my chapter one shot so I changed it. I kinda hate this one, but what can you do? Anyway. Sorry for the delays. Enjoy!