Not Quite Paradise

Written by xmystorytime.

Disclaimer: If I owned this animé/manga... I'd've had more funny scenes between Cross and Allen. Alas, I don't and therefore won't get my wish. Sadly.

[Playground] "When I die, I'm going to get my own star." The thoughts of a street kid convince Yu that, actually, accepting the strange man's offer might be a good thing after all.

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An owl hooted from its perch in the trees, sharp eyes searching for any small scurry of a mouse beneath it. A small wind blew, shifting a discarded newspaper and sending it drifting lazily down the street. The moon shone down, lighting up the street intermittently, for a cloud would often come over and send the world into darkness once more.

He loved the night.

The world always looked so different, so exciting. What was usually a clean, empty and boring street turned into the most dangerous place to be, with dark corners and danger lurking around any corner and the faint light from the nearby house windows casting flickering shadows that, with a child's imagination, could be taken for a figure.

Usually, Yu Kanda tried to spend every night outside – at least for a few hours. It could be in his garden, or on the street, or in the car coming back from another boring work dinner. Yet tonight, instead of being outside to feel the danger that his ordinary life couldn't bring, he found himself outside trying to sort out his thoughts.

He had always found it easier to think in the dark rather than in the light. In the dark, things could be done that would seem unthinkable otherwise. In the dark, wrong became right and, sometimes, necessary. He needed that blur of the lines to try and help him figure out what he should do.

"I have a preposition for you, young man."

The words of the strange man who had saved him from the monster earlier echoed around his head, distracting him from the outside world. He chewed his lip, not sure whether he should take what he'd been told for granted. He had always been considered a smart child, never one to be accused of gullible or possibly mis-lead. He'd seen the monster, so he was pretty convinced the stranger had spoken at least some truth.

"You have talent, the most I've seen in a very long time." Of course he had talent. Everyone said it, they all said he'd become something brilliant. He had always known he was talented, he just never knew his unnatural quirk could be put to use in the way the stranger said. For something good.

Working to save the world sounded... important. But he hadn't really noticed the world needed saving.

"We need you." Did they really need him? Why? He was only ten. He might have been well-educated, he might have a lot of money, he might not have to worry about parental supervision but he was still a child. In his experience, adults never paid attention to children's opinions, their maturity; they assumed that all children needed protecting. Wouldn't everyone else say it was wrong to have children fight in battles?

"Please."

Could he really leave everything behind to go and fight monsters with a sword, like the heroic knights Mary in his class always swooned over?

SQUEAK.

He jerked, neck snapping back as he was forcibly tugged out of his thoughts. For a few seconds he didn't recognize where he was and almost panicked; but then he saw the dark shapes and relaxed, knowing where he was. He then felt like laughing at the irony. While he'd been lost in his thoughts his feet had lead him to the playground he always tried to avoid.

He didn't come here often. He had classes, his parents always said, and he had to keep up the family honour. He couldn't be seen playing on them like some common child when he could be spent becoming their pet genius. They never put it like that, of course, but that was how it had eventually been translated.

The squeak came again. Recognizing now that he wasn't alone, the young boy pivoted on his heel towards where the noise came from. It didn't take long to realise one of the swings was moving back and forth, which meant someone had to be pushing it. If he focused, he could hear a faint scuff as feet hit the dirt, along with the occasional huff of laughter.

He hadn't really encountered other people who had come out to play before. What kind of idiot would be out here playing at this hour?

Yu Kanda stepped closer to the swings, making no attempt to be quiet. His feet crunched on gravel and he saw the figure's head turn to him. Yu didn't stop walking until he was stood in front of the swing, and the person, and was staring mutely down into the face of a child who looked to be no older than than five.

The child stared up at him, blinking once. There was innocence in those eyes, an overwhelming amount of it, but there was also a sharp gleam that reminded Yu of a hawk. The boy seemed to be silently asking something but the older boy had never been good at deciphering looks. He had no clue what it meant, so he ignored it.

"Do you know how stupid it is to stay out at your age?" he eventually said, frowning. The boy blinked, obviously not expecting that to be the first thing said. "There's lots of bad things in the world. You could be killed." This drew a merry laugh out of the other. It danced in the air, echoing around Yu and the older boy flushed in embarrassment. Was he being laughed at? "What's so funny?"

"You're out here," the other answered with a better speech pattern than Yu was expecting. He sounded both amused and older than he looked, oddly enough. "You're not that much older than me. How come it doesn't apply to you?"

"I can take care of myself," Yu answered, feeling for the small dagger he always carried on him. The stranger had said it would be replaced with something much better, and he remembered the sword that had gleamed and called to him.

"So can I." The younger boy smiled and then leapt off of the swing, straightening. He only came to Yu's chest and said boy stared down at him, not believing him for a moment. If he went by looks alone, most likely a strong wind would be able to knock this midget over. The small boy turned away, obviously intending to go and play on something else, but Yu didn't want the conversation to end like that. He didn't think he could let something happen to someone that young when he could've done something about it.

He reached out and snagged hold of his elbow, holding the boy in place.

"I'm not kidding," he said, trying to make his voice sound like how his father spoke. "You should go home before anything happens to you." He knew first hand what could happen, had experienced it a few times, but he could defend himself. The child in his grip turned and, with a peculiar smile, peeled off Yu's fingers one by one.

"I have no home," he said, voice holding only a hint of sadness. The words struck Yu more than a slap ever could. "So don't worry. I'll be fine."

Deeming that the end of the conversation the midget turned and walked away. Yu watched him leave, feet seemingly frozen in the spot. It wasn't something he'd really considered before, not having a home. He didn't like his house much but at least when he wanted warmth, food, rest, he had somewhere to go. How could the boy not have something like that?

"Aren't you coming?" he blinked, looking to see the midget sat on top of a climbing frame. The moonlight shone above him and illuminated messy brown hair that hung past his ears, along with a blinding smile from slightly crooked teeth. "You can here to play, right? Why don't we play together?"

"I didn't come here to play." Yu replied, thinking over the reason he'd been wandering around. Once more he found himself at a loss on what to choose, whether to go or to stay, to save or to stay safe... the smile on the other's faded. For a moment disappointment was obvious but that soon faded into curiosity.

"Then why are you here?" the other asked, leaning against the side of the rail and looking perfectly at ease. Unsure why Yu stepped forward until he was at the bottom of the apparatus and craning his neck back to look up at the smaller boy. He didn't really want to explain why, not sure he could put it into words, and searched for something else to say.

"What's your name?" he blurted out before he could think. He winced straight after, knowing that now he'd ask he would probably have to reciprocate, which would mean laughter from how strange his name was. The boy disappeared and there was the sound of bare flesh slapping gently against metal. Suddenly the boy reappeared, now much closer to Yu, and smiled softly.

"I like the name Allen. What's yours?" he asked, wriggling his bottom slightly and getting comfortable. Yu wondered if the words meant Allen wasn't his real name, and then found himself wondering whether Allen even knew his real name. There was something infinitely sad about not knowing his own name.

"It's Yu," he muttered, a little ashamed. What had his parents been thinking when they'd named him anyway? Did they want him to suffer? Allen broke out into a grin and Yu pulled a face. "Stop laughing, it's not funny.

"I'm not," the boy said, a grin still splitting his face. His tone was sincere, however. "I think Yu is a brilliant name. I might just steal it." Yu's mouth opened and shut, not sure what to say to that. Someone wanted his name? His awful name? Well, they were welcome to it.

"You can have it," he muttered.

"Great! You can be Allen from now on and I'll be Yu." Allen laughed and pulled backwards into a sitting position. "So, Allen, aren't you going to come play with me?"

"I said I didn't come here to-"

"But you're already here, aren't you?" Allen interrupted, blinking big, silver eyes. "So come play. Or are you scared?" His eyes twinkled with mischief and Yu scowled. He hated it when people accused him of being a coward.

"I'm not scared!" he declared and then reached out, pulling himself up through the bars. It didn't take long to be next to Allen and, smirking triumphantly, he stared at Allen. "See? Not scared at all." His look fled when Allen blew a raspberry at him.

"That's nothing. If you really want to prove you're not scared you'll have to go to the very top!"

With that challenge he was off, moving from bar to bar like a monkey. Yu watched him going, heart rate increasing slightly in nerves. It was obvious that Allen did this regularly, but Yu didn't remember doing it once in his life. From his position the top looked so very far away and high. Not to mention, if someone saw him up there he would look so stupid...

"I guess you really must be scared, huh?" Yu twitched.

"Just wait and see! I'll show you!" he snapped.

"Scaredy-cat! Scaredy-cat!" Allen taunted from his position high above. Yu snarled and gripped the next bar. He might lose pride playing this stupid game but he'd lose even more if he let himself continue to be called a scaredy-cat. Cats were good animals to be compared to, but not when it came in partnership with being scared.

He hadn't ever been a scaredy cat in his life and he wouldn't start now!

It was hard at first. He had always thought himself as pretty flexible, but weaving in-between the bars and keeping himself supported was something different entirely. This climbing was a skill that children usually grasped when they were younger but he hadn't had a chance to do so, so he had seemingly been thrown in the deep end. But he made do and, eventually, found a technique that worked. Once he had, he found himself moving much faster.

Even so, it felt like forever before he was beside Allen, panting and feeling triumphant for making it to the top. His limbs were a little sore and his teeth still throbbed from the one time he'd slipped and clanked them together painfully, but he had done it.

Pleased, ready to brag to Allen that he was not a scaredy-cat, he turned to the other and found the words didn't make it further than his throat. The smaller boy was no longer watching him. At some point he had turned to lie on his back and gaze up at the night sky with a soft smile on his face. His hands were rest behind his head, making a make-shirt pillow. It didn't look comfortable.

"I'm not a scaredy-cat," Yu finally managed to say and Allen's eyes drifted to him. The smile widened slightly.

"I know. But don't you feel good now that you're up here?" Suddenly realising this had been the other's plan all along, Yu fell into a sulk. He resolutely remained silent and Allen didn't disturb it from him either. Eventually Yu got bored of fidgeting and shifted so he was lying next to Allen, mimicking his position. The position was surprisingly comfortable.

There was a sigh from his companion. "Do you ever watch the stars?" Seeing no reason to lie, Yu shrugged.

"Watching the stars is boring and a waste of time," he answered, staring up at the sky and seeing nothing pretty. "There's nothing special about them."

"I like the stars." Allen said plainly. Clearly, Yu's opinion didn't matter to him.

"Good for you," Yu muttered, a little put out. He wasn't used to his opinion being so easily discarded. Yet he couldn't stay like it for long because there was something soft, serene about the position he was in. It all felt so surreal, like a dream. Was he really here?

"Every night, I come here and look at them. Sometimes I see people, other times I see things." Allen's tone turned wistful. "Mostly I wonder if my mum and dad are up there. I don't believe that they abandoned me, not without a good reason." Yu swallowed, knowing that Allen was probably kidding himself.

The sad thing was, Allen probably knew that too.

"Do you think, when people die, they become stars?" Yu snorted before he could stop himself.

"Impossible. When people die they go into the ground and decompose. The End." He'd learnt that in class and it made the most sense. Still, no one really knew why the stars were there. They always had been, since time began.

"I don't like that," Allen whispered. "If that's true then what's the point of life?" Yu didn't answer because he didn't know the answer. Involuntarily he found himself thinking back over his life, the boring monotone of learning, training, keeping the family honour and waiting each evening for some kind of acknowledgement from parents who didn't care.

Hadn't that boring life been the reason he always stole out at night to find danger? Wouldn't he give everything to get away from that boring life?

Then why was he hesitating now he'd been offered it?

"When I die, I'm going to get my own star." Allen broke the silence, sounding like he'd come to a decision. His tone was a mixture of pleased and confident and Yu was surprised.

"How can you be sure?"

"If I don't believe then I'll be sad." the other laughed, that same melodious laugh that spoke of hope. "One day, my world's going to change. I'll meet someone who loves me, and I'll have a home and a family." The older boy's eyes shut, chest hurting in a way it never had before.

Compassion? Pity? Sorrow?

His eyes burned from the emotion in the tone. He didn't think he'd ever be like that in his life. Before he knew what he was doing, he blurted out his worries.

"Today, I met this man. He said I was talented. He said..." Yu hesitated. "He said I could help him save the world."

"Something wrong?" Allen had sensed the doubt in his words.

"I don't know if I should," Yu grimaced. "I mean, I'm just a kid. How can I save the world?" Allen was silent for a long time and then when he next spoke, his voice was carefully neutral.

"You don't want to go?" he asked. Yu hesitated.

"I do, but-" he cut himself off as he heard a noise and felt a hard pressure on his chest. Yu's eyes snapped open to see Allen's hands clenched around his shirt and desperate eyes watching him. Yu was left speechless.

"Then how can you say no?" Allen whispered, "How can you..." he swallowed. "What do you have here holding you back?"

"... nothing," Yu admitted after a long silence and him trying to figure out what he was really attached to in life. The short answer: nothing. Allen's eyes dimmed, but the desperation faded (to Yu's relief) and he pulled back, crossing his legs and sitting back in a knelt position. Yu sat up, watching him.

"If I were offered something like that, I'd take it in an instant." Allen said softly, staring at the metal bars. "If I could be given a-a purpose, a chance of life, a chance to make a difference..." he looked back at Yu, serious. "You should go with him."

"It's not that easy," Yu tried to argue, not really sure why he was doing so.

"Is it?" Allen leant in close, eyes narrowing. "Or are you just too scared?"

"I'm not scared," Yu frowned, not sure he was telling the truth. Was he scared? He might be... yet... why was he already thinking he'd go with the man? If he didn't, wouldn't he always be wondering 'what if?'. "I just..."

"Then what? What's wrong with being told you can become something?!" Allen turned his gaze back to the sky and his anger drained out of him. His shoulders slumped. "People like you... you're the ones that'll be up there. A star. People like me, we're just..." And with a sudden clarity, Yu knew something.

"If I ever make it up there, it'll only be because you were there to guide me." he said, making Allen look at him with surprise. He was surprised himself, because he was never normally so eloquent, but there was something about Allen that made him want to say it. Something about Allen had ignited something within him. "I promise you Allen. Don't lose hope."

And the most beautiful smile Yu had ever seen grew on Allen's face, making him glow. For a second, Yu almost thought he saw a halo above the other's head, but when Allen leapt to his feet and held up a hand the image was ruined.

"Come on. Let's make your last night here something to remember," Allen said.

Yu reached out and took his hand.

A/N: I died from this. I wrote this theme out again and again and nothing worked. At all. It's why everything's been so slow. This was probably the hardest story I've ever had to write. Ever ever. So you better darn appreciate it xD