Buchenwald Concentration camp
January 8th, 1945
1:04 am
So far, this night was going straight to hell with this recent injury that came in at 1:00 in the morning. I was thrown out of my bunk, having me quickly grab my jacket before they were shoving me out of the barracks now and into the cold opening of the night and over to the medical ward. I could tell this was serious since they were going to wake me up in the middle of the night, and how roughly they were tugging me along by my elbow and having me till try to wake up from the sleep I was in, The cold was biting me once again now along my open skin and in my hair, having me really want to ask them what was going on and if I did something wrong. Those days, we were just going along with the motions and no asking anything in return sine we would think ew would be shot for asking questions that they didn't want to hear.
But then again, I was way more curious now with my own role there in the camp and how they were treating me differently. I knew it was mostly because I was a female, and almost that I was a nurse and they were putting me in that ultimatum to mend their soldiers or they shoot me in the head. I was placed on a different pedestal than the other men, already an outsider with the fellow soldiers who were held hostage there because they knew I was not getting the same amount of punishment that they were getting.
The soldier was digging hard into my elbow now and was rushing us out of the barrack doors and through the thin walkway that had barbed wire fence on both sides, having me look back one more time at the barracks now, seeing the boys looking out through the windows now to see what as going on. They woke up from the burst through the door, wanting to know where they were taking me and I saw them look at me in horror now.
I was rushed through the snow and over to the medical ward with a burst of energy, having me look through the wires now and see some haunted faces there, about fifty feet away in their own courtyard that was cut off now, and they were looking right at me. Their faces were hollow almost, no color left there on their faces and how they eyes were drilling to my own now. I was also haunted by those faces since it felt like I would hardly see the prisoners there on that side of the camp and with their own troubles and their own woes. We were never allowed to talk to them, or even be near them since the soldiers there were more cruel to that one, the skeletons and the corpses that were mere feet away.
The door opened and I was shoved in there and within seconds I heard the door slamming behind the soldier, seeing him coming back to me and walking me down the hallway again from inside the medical ward, the lights were on and blinking at me once or twice because or the cold outside the ward and in the darkness there. I knew we were going to be in the same room as before, the same one where I operated on soldiers over and over again, but this already felt different and off now. Once we made it to the room now, the door was thrown open now and I was shoved in there once again and the door once again closed behind me. Looking in front of me, I saw another soldier there on the medical table.
But this time, he was tore up from head to toe.
He was caked in blood, having me not see at first where the wound was or if there were multiple wounds really. His face already looked beyond white, blood stains here and there and some even on his teeth as he was gasping for air there. This looked pretty bad as I walked over once again and looked at him up and down now, wondering where to started and getting my sleeves rolled up to my elbow.
"What happened to him?" I asked, looking behind me at the soldier how as he cocked his gun, ready to use on me but at this moment I was focused not on the gun but on the man there.
"Got into the line of fire and almost stood on a landmine," He said to me now in his low tone as I heard the door opening again, the both of us looking over to see the infamous Captain there, taking off his hat and looking at the soldier there on the table and almost looking a bit sad about it. It was like he knew the soldier there, like it was more personal to him than the others that I would heal for him.
"He almost lost his leg apparently, and you have to save it," The Captain finally said to me with his voice borderline serious now as he looked from the soldier over to me now and I could see that he was given me the look of now or never. This was going to be as serious one, not that the others weren't serious at all, but this time, I was really going to be watched carefully.
"Get her tools ready," The Captain said to the soldier now as I looked back at the wounded one on the table, seeing him looking over at me and he was seriously trying to breathe in and out through his nose. I walked over, trying to find which leg he was talking about and I come to find it in his left leg, crimson and already looking useless there and bad enough not even for me. I placed my hands there gently, only by my tips of the fingers and hearing him already hiss from the mere contact. This was not going to be easy as I scanned the leg and the soldier watching me
"I don't think…I don't think I can save it," I said in a low tone, already seeing that this was going to be a problem for the Captain now as he walked over to stand next to me, looking at the leg too like I was lying to him and not telling a single ounce of the truth.
"I'm not sure if you heard me correctly," He said to me now as I saw the tools next to me along my hands now, having me cringe now as he looked back at me with those serious eyes again and was saying the same thing as he said before, "You will save his leg."
"This wound is far too damaged for me to save it," I tried to reason with him, but he then within a few seconds he raged my wrist that was near him, a vice grip that had me squirm under his hold with me and I felt like he was about to snap my wrist off with just one twist. I knew he was not one to really hear the word "no" at all, but now that he was hearing it from one of his prisoners, he was not going to be handling this lightly.
"I'm giving you one more chance to amuse me and save the leg, or I'll make sure that you'll lose your own," he hissed at me now under his breath and it sounded like poison in his tone and along his lips now, having me freeze there and see the leg in front of me now that I knew I could not save at all. I wasn't skilled enough, I wasn't experienced enough for this bad of a leg. The ones I would save back in England were minor with injuries, but this was beyond repair.
"I'm not a doctor," I tried to reason with him now, looking over at him and then pointing to the useless leg with one finger, "There is nothing for me to do to save this leg, sir," I tried not to bit the term "sir" to him on my tongue now as he looked at the leg now, his grip still on my wrist and his star was still stern and low now like he was about to murder me within seconds. I wanted him to see how bad it was, to understand that I was not the most skilled at medicine and I was still human at this. He slowly looked back at me now, already making me look a bit scared now in case he was about to kill his luger on me.
"Do as much as you fucking can, and don't make me regret letting you come in here," he said to me now as he slowly released my wrist now, having me sigh in relief from the grip no longer there along my skin. I looked down there, seeing the black and blue already starting to form from the ach that was about o burst through the skin from my bones now. I knew I was close enough for him to kill me since I was talking back to him, and this was some kind of miracle.
I grabbed the tools now from the bag there against my other hand, looking through for what I need first: tweezers. If I was going to try and attempt to save the leg, I would have to try as much as possible and as fast as possible. I grabbed the tweezers, placing my other hand on his thigh in an area that was not peppered with wounds from a gunshot or machine gun really.
"Hold still." I explained to him now in a gruff as I got the tweezers ready to dig into his skin. I held down his leg with my spare hand, inserting the tip of the tool into the wound and he screamed, having me use my strength that I had left within my upper body to hold him down and make sure he was not going to squirm. We were taught to leave the bullets in, but I knew the German Captain right behind me and wanting the bullets on the table so that he can see I was trying to make some progress. At least that would make him feel better about this whole shithole of a situation.
"Dammit," I grunted as more blood was coming out of his mouth now and the Captain was shifting a bit behind me now, sensing that I was failing bit and not having the control eh thought I would be able to handle.
"He's losing more blood if we leave the bullets in," I explained to him as I moved from his leg after getting one bullet one and placing it on the metal table, grabbing some of the gauzes that was left in the tool bag that they gave me. I placed it on the wound, already seeing it caked with blood and having me breathe out through my nose.
"Is there any way you can stop the bleeding?" He asked me now, no longer being the mean Captain that was there two minutes ago when he was threatening to kill me. I shook my head now.
"The bullets hit the arteries and he's going to bleed out more than anything, if not from how you're trying to get the bullets out," I explained harshly now as I was pressing down on the leg some more to see if that was going to work. Nothing was really getting a bit better for me really now that I know that he was going to lose the leg, and if not, more blood that would eventually kill him none the less.
"If I take out more bullets, he'll lose more blood and die from that," I said to the Captain from my spot near the table and I went to grab the tweezers from more, "If I leave them in, we have a chance of saving his life and losing the leg,"
"Is there no other way?" The Captain asked me now as I then felt like I had to give him the hard fact then and there since this was clearly getting nowhere and he was clearly getting under my skin now. I glared at him, no longer afraid for a good few seconds now of what he was going to do for me. Right now, all I had to do was to show him that he was wrong for the first time sine we've met.
"Wills du sicken in retain oder night?" (You wanna fucking save him or not?) I asked him in a brutal manner now, seeing him go silent again and look down at the soldier with hurt eyes there on his face. The soldier now knew what we were talking about, having me realize that I was speaking German instead of English and he was now going to realize that he was in trouble. The Captain sighed, having me look back at the soldier and try to tell him without sounding like a bitch.
"Ihr Bein nicht mehr sinnvoll," (Your leg is no longer useful) I explained to him softly now, reaching over to moved his hair from his eyes as I could see he was about to be in tears from what I was telling him "Wir müssen das Bein zu entfernen." (We need to remove your leg.)
"Bitte nicht! Ich begoss Sie!" (Please don't! I beg of you!) He said t me in almost a gasping manner now since he was still in denial that his leg was not going to be lost. I had to let him know, I had to give him the hard honest truth now that he was either way going to lose something, either his own leg or his life.
"Es ist entweder das Bein oder Ihrem Leben." (It's either your leg or your life.) I said to him plainly now, seeing him search my own eyes now and see that I was, in fact, telling him the truth and not train got make him feel better about this. It felt like I was giving him some kind of harsh love, a reality check if you will, but I knew this was also going be the one thing that he needed to hear.
He nodded at me once, showing that he understood and this was going to have to be done and it had to happen now before it was too late. I felt terrible for him, and even worse since I had to be the one to do this with him. I then looked over at the Captain now, seeing him eye me from what I told the soldier.
"I need tools for this, I need to to stop his bleeding from getting any worse and got off the blood flow," I explained to him now as he nodded in agreement, signaling to the other soldier watching from the door. He moved out of the room to get what I would think would be the tools as I looked back to the Captain again now and shrugged off my jacket, "We need to hold him down while I do this or else the blood won't stop and he'll bleed to death."
"I'll bring two more men in here for the help," He replied, moving out of the room now and over to the door as the soldier came back in with the amputation tools in his hand. He laid them out on the table there and I took out one shaky breath. The soldier walked over to me as the Captain moved out of the room. This was going to be tricky and hard for me as I looked at the leg, then the tools, then the leg again.
I had to get to work.
Walking out of the medical ward now, my hands up to my elbows covered in blood and my head was spinning once again now as I was back in the cold winter air again. Something about this felt different, different and off now as I was rethinking on how I literally took off one leg from another person. It has been awhile since I've done something like that, but this was more intense and I thought I was going to die in there from what I was doing. It was so close, really close, and all that was flooding over me as I was feeling the snowflakes over my head and on my cheeks was grief. I didn't belong there.
I was wrecked from the inside out.
I fell to my knees now, my hands touching the snow and I can already see the blood staining the snow there and I felt tears stinging my eyes and cheeks and my heart filling with pure sadness and agony that was filling me up and down. I felt like I was flying off a cliff from where I was and what I was doing, also suffocation from drowning in the sea that was war. It was all too much, taking all over me and making me want to be sick again and angry at the same time. Nothing seemed right, nothing seemed at all the same since before I was captured. It was like I was going to have to admit to the fact that I was going to die there with those walls and within the wired fence. I no longer had a future to look forward to, no home to go back to in America, and no Joe. Oh God….no Joe.
So I cried in the snow, cried for all the things that were going wrong with me and my life up until then. I was no longer wanting to look for hope, not with death all around me and blood….a lot of blood then. I never wanted to look at blood again, I never wanted to see one more ounce of blood anywhere near me. All I was doing now, in my head, was helping the enemy and making sure they were okay as the soldiers who were also captives were suffering. I was tied down now, no longer being able to look up.
I was going to die here.
April 11th, 1945
Thalem, Germany
"I just got word from Colonel Sink," Winters explained as he walked into the room now, having me look up at him from my spot near the window that was looking out into the courtyard. Winters eyes me with some papers in his hands and he pointed to them now,"You're staying with us for the time being."
"I thought I already was." I replied back to him in a counter statement.
"You were, temporality until we can find a way to get you back to England. But he doesn't want to risk you going back, not while we are on the verge of winning this war completely and Germany surrendering," I raised an eyebrow to him now, getting up from my spot and not understanding what he meant. Germany surrendering? Now? I could hear music being played outside by a quarter out in the courtyard, having me look now and see a group of older men, seeing amongst the rubble there and playing something haunting and chilling.
"What do you mean my surrendering, sir?" I asked him, still looking at the musicians there and figuring it out in my head.
"Hitler's dead," I looked back at him now with wide eyes, seeing the seriousness on his face and his tone was still stern enough for me to realize that this was true. He was dead, the main reason why we were here and dying left and right, was now dead. Why was it hitting me across the face and having me brace the windowsill now as Winters kept going, "We got word this morning while the others were cleaning up the town. We're ordered to go to Berchtesgaden within the hour now."
"And I'm coming with you," I said to him slowly, seeing him watch me now with no more eyes of a leader but of a friend who was seeing me broken now. It's been over a month now since I've been out of that camp, hearing that it was liberated about a few or so later from Allied forces, and yet it still felt like yesterday to me. The nights were the worst, having me no be able to sleep in fear that I was going to wake up in the barracks again and another pistol was going to be pointed at me. My skin still felt raw, still felt covered in blood, my mind was still filled with death flashing in front of me like blinking lights.
"For the time being, yes," He replied to me cautiously now as I looked away from him and braced the windowsill now with both hands, resting my head on the glass of the window to just breathe. How did I end up with a broken mind and spirit from being away for so long, for being in the wrong place at the wrong time? I kept trying to think back to when I was in Bastogne, out in the cold, and how I could not have been caught if I stayed behind that night or went out earlier. How did I end up like this?"
"Sergeant, I hope you understand," I had to look over at him now as he said this, taking a few steps over to me now with a hint of compassion there in his eyes and how he was standing there facing me, "Nothing will happen to you while you are with my men, absolutely nothing." He was trying to reassure me, God help him, he was trying so hard now. Winters was a good leader from what Joe told me plenty of times when we were together in England, in how he would take the men under his wing and be still stern with them, but not overly stern. He seemed more like a father to them, and they knew it too. I smiled at him, showing that I appreciated what he was saying to me now as he gave me a short smile there.
I had to trust him.
I walked out of the building there, seeing the rest of the boys walking out with their own bags and going over to the jeeps now. I breathed in the fires of the burning building around me and the rubble there mixed with the broken earth and the soot that was flying in the air as I went onto the broken cobbled stoned walkway and the familiar faces were watching me then. They were kind to me, hugging me when they found me back in Landsburg and seeing if I was okay: Bull, Luz, Christenson, Perconte, Lipton, Babe, Buck, Welsch. All of them were almost like ghosts to me when I came back, or when thy found me. The two that were the worst to bear and hardest for me to see were, of course, Joe and Doc. Joe was a given, but with Doc, it was painful since we were close with our practices in medicine. I saw him once again, walking over to the jeep now with Babe next to him and he was watching me, making sure I was okay.
Someone slipped my hand in theirs, having me look away from Doc now and see it was Joe. He was holding m hand gently in his own, an inch taller than me and was looking at the others who were watching me like he was protecting me and my honor from those who would dare to question what I was going through. Joe had been like that for the past month, making sure I was okay wherever I went, that I was never alone unless I was sleeping or having my own private time of business, he was always there like my shield. The others knew never to cross him, and now since I was there, they wouldn't dare to question me or look at me wrong.
"You okay, Georgie?" He asked me, still looking at the others in his cold stare as I stopped walking, feeling him tug on my hand since he didn't stop either and he looked back at me. I had to stare at him, I had to let him know what he was doing and he no longer had to protect me there against the others who were not going to harm me at all.
"What's wrong?" He asked still holding my hand between us now and I sighed, feeling the chill in the air and how heavy it was feeling on my heart that I was still trying to mend myself for what I went through.
"You don't have to do this," I reminded him, seeing him look at me in question.
"Do what?" He asked, having me walk over and stand near him again and keep our linked fingers together.
"Protect me from them," I replied to Joe, seeing him about to argue with me softly but I pressed on, "I know you're trying to make them not look at me like there's something wrong with me. You're trying to protect my honor, I can see it. But you don't have to anymore." I could see him slowly melting a bit from what I told him, a small smile was back on my face and it made him grin too. He was grinning widely then, having me now raise my eyebrow at him.
"What?" I asked, seeing him shrug his shoulders then.
"I haven't seen ya smile in a long time," He replied so carefully and lovingly to me that it almost sounded like sweet music to my ears, "I've missed that smile of yours."
"I miss smiling too," I admitted to him, seeing him lean over to kiss me on the head for a brief moment since I sounded so pitiful in an admitting that I've missed smiling. I haven't smiled in what felt like years, and for me to have this moment was a bit surreal as we were walking together now over to the jeeps.
"Wanna sit with Doc and Babe?" He asked me now as we were walking to the same jeep Doc and Babe were at, talking to each other now.
"Sit with us," I urged him as Doc looked over at me and reached down his hand to hoist me, "Heaven knows they would love your company."
"She's got a point, Liebgott." Doc commented back to him as he got me into the back of the jeep and in my spot, Joe hopping up like it was nothing.
"I knew you liked me, Doc. Not as much as Babe, but enough," Joe replied back to him as he sat next to me and Doc chuckled.
"I like Babe and Georgie the best because they're not full of shit." Doc explained.
"Language in front of the lady!" Babe commented in a snort now, the soldiers in the jeep chuckling as the jeep roared to life and we were moving out of the city now, having me wonder what was going to lie ahead. I had to make the best of it, I really had to since the others were trying to.
It was going to start that day.