Chapter 6

Sweeney Todd could only stare at the baker, while the light of a few candles fell on her face. She had an exotic beauty that only now caught his eye.

She noticed his gaze and she pulled the blankets powerfully over her body, even hiding her head, but he kept staring at her, admiring her openly.

"I… I'm sorry Mrs. Lovett," he finally managed to say. "I shouldn't have done that, it's wrong. I hope I didn't…"

He shook his head in confusion, not sure what he wanted to say, not even entirely certain he was truly sorry that he had enjoyed his landlady's warmth for a few seconds.

"How can you do that," she asked, her voice telling him how offended she was. "You know what happened to your wife and you hate the one responsible, but you are treating me exactly the same!"

Her outburst only made him feel more admiration for her and it took him a lot of effort to tear his gaze away from her.

"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Lovett," he managed to say once more.

"Then why did you do it?"

It was a logical question, one that he couldn't answer. He didn't know himself why he had touched her.

Her eyes bored straight into his and there were too many emotions in her eyes. They fascinated him so much that he found himself incapable of breaking the eye contact this time.

"Well... During the past few days, it seems that I…" He wasn't sure at all how to say this. "I care for you, Nellie. I care for you deeply."

"So? Is that an excuse to touch me like that while I'm asleep, thinking I won't notice it or won't mind? You're just as bad as they are."

Although she didn't mention the Turpins directly, he knew exactly what she was talking about. Her comment hurt, especially because she was completely right.

Sweeney bit his lip, wondering how he cold apologize and convince her that he was not like the Judge in his brother.

"It's not that bad, Mr. Todd," she sighed, when he saw how guilty he looked. "It's just a little bit late."

"What do you mean?" he asked, truly confused now.

"You really don't realize, do you?" she asked, avoiding his gaze now. "I've been…"

Her speech faltered; she didn't dare to admit what she had felt for him for many years, until she was confronted with Peter Turpin and she had sworn to never let a man come close to her again. But now, when Sweeney Todd's pleading eyes observed her, she started to remind the feelings she once had had for the barber, whether he was still Benjamin Barker or not. In his black orbs, of which most people would say that they were filled with darkness, only she could see the hints of light that were still in them.

"You've been what?" the barber asked gently. "You can tell me… you can trust me. I'll try to help you."

"I know you will," she said, gratitude visible in her eyes. They both realized it was unlike Sweeney Todd to help someone, but this situation was clearly an exception because of the involvement of another Turpin.

Because of Mr. Todd's help, Mrs. Lovett slowly started to remember things that had happened before Peter Turpin had assaulted her. She began to realize again how she had longed for Benjamin Barker, especially now he had confessed that he actually cared for her.

"Mr. T, you have to know that…" She found herself still incapable of saying what she had intended to say.

"Are you sure you won't kill me?" she asked instead, looking at the razor in the holster on his belt.

"I won't kill you," he said, an unreadable expression on his feature. "I don't think you can tell me something so shocking that I have to do something to you that is worse than what you have been through already."

It wasn't the confirmation she was looking for, but at least it was something.

She looked up at him again into those black eyes which weren't filled with hate for a change; only with concern.

"I was in love with you."

She spoke the words very silently and he almost had to ask her to repeat it, because he wasn't sure he had it correctly. An awkward silence fell when it dawned on him what she had said. Was it true what she said? Had she been in love with him?! He had never noticed anything like that, and…

Mrs. Lovett noticed his discomfort and shifted restlessly in her bed.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I know you love Lucy and that you miss her so much. Just forgot that I said this." Mrs. Lovett started to talk faster and faster and looked everywhere except at the barber. "God, I wished that Peter hadn't done this. He has ruined… even if I'd want to, I'm not sure that my body will ever be able to…"

"Nellie!" the barber said sharply, bewildered because she was upset again and he had no idea why. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, I was thinking… you've been alone for a very long time. I know that you love Lucy very much, but I could imagine that if you felt lonely that you might want… someone. I would've been there for you, I really would. But I feel horrible now and I don't think it'll ever get better. I don't think I can please you, Mr. T."

Sweeney Todd couldn't believe what he was hearing. She had been through so much and she talked about herself like this? Had she really been willing to sleep with him just in case he felt lonely? He had felt attracted to his landlady, but doing something like that…

"I wouldn't have wanted somebody," he answered, sounding harsher than he intended. "I want no one except for my wife."

She lowered her head and he cursed himself for upsetting her again. The entire situation was horribly confusing. He took a deep breath, trying to get at least some insight in his own feelings, but he failed miserably.

"I don't want things to be like that," he said after a long silence, choosing his words carefully. "When I said that I cared deeply for you, I didn't mean it in the way you think I did. I simply meant that I felt that we could share our grief. Just as friends, not in such a way as you suggested. It might be good for both of us and I…"

He was looking for words desperately but he couldn't find the right ones to say, probably because he didn't even knew himself what he felt.

"What I'm trying to say is," he said, taking in as much air as he could, "that we both need comfort; were both alone in this cruel world. All we have is each other and though things are very different than we would want them to be, we should make the best of things. You lost so much because of what Peter Turpin did, I lost everything I had because of his brother. We have this in common and maybe we could benefit from each other's company. We could try it."

"I won't sleep with you," was all she said when she hid beneath the covers again. "I would've done so gladly, but not anymore. I don't want anybody to touch me, not even you."

"I didn't mean it like that," he said, wondering why he suddenly felt so desperate. "I just…"

Sweeney was truly unsure of his own thoughts and feelings and actually talking to someone instead of grunting a few words turned out to be harder than he expected too.

The barber wanted to help his landlady; he didn't want her to be afraid for the rest of her life for the world in general and men in particular. He couldn't allow that the Turpins destroyed another woman's life. Maybe he cared for the baker because she had been through almost the same as his Lucy, but he felt sincere concern for Mrs. Lovett. When he remembered the 'incident' in the basement, he realized there might be more than just 'caring', but he couldn't let her know – he shouldn't feel something like that for her in the first place.

Suddenly he craved for real contact with another human being; not with Lucy, not with a random person, but with Nellie Lovett. But he would scare both himself and her with that desire, so he suppressed it the best he could. He desperately wanted to help her, not make her feel worse.

"Just think about it," he said. "Your support meant a lot for me, even though I never gave you credit for it. I might be able to do the same for you."

Without saying one more word, he left the room, leaving Mrs. Lovett in a turmoil of thoughts and emotions.