Chapter 13

Mrs. Lovett didn't speak any words of comfort to Sweeney as his tears fell freely for the very first time; there were no words to describe the horrors he had been through the greater part of his life after all.

She held him and just waited, like she had done for so many years, until the tears stopped dropping on her at last. She caressed his back tenderly, even as he stopped crying, hoping that he knew that he wouldn't have to be alone anymore.

"I'm sorry," he said, minutes later. "I shouldn't have come here. It was ridiculous. I thought I could help you, but I only made things worse."

"Mr. T," she said firmly, while she forced his chin up so she could look into his eyes. "Now listen to me. You mustn't be ashamed of what you did. You helped me so much by doing what you did. You just gave me one of the most beautiful moments of my life."

Mr. Todd stared at his landlady, not believing what she said at first and, more important, what they actually suggested. Her words dawned on him only slowly. Perhaps the moment that they just had shared made things clearer for him, but now it actually all started to make sense. The fact that she had looked after him, the way she helped him getting his revenge all this time...

Slowly, very slowly, he realized the reason for all this. She was in love with him – it had to be. It was the only explanation. In spite of everything, she was in love with him. This knowledge didn't explode within him as it should have. Somehow, her love for him had always been there – it had always been clear somehow, he had just never realized it, but it couldn't really surprise him now.

At that moment, he was too aware of how close they still were to each other, and of the fact that his shirt was lying on the floor, out of his reach.

Yet, he found himself incapable of moving away from her. Instead, he allowed her to pull a blanket over him so his back wasn't exposed to the chilly air of the bedroom anymore. It was odd, lying beneath the covers of a warm bed that belonged to the woman he had just shared a passionate kiss with.

"I never knew," the barber said.

"What didn't you know?" she asked, surprised.

"About your... feelings for me," he replied slowly, realizing that the woman didn't know that he had just figured her out at last.

Her eyes moved nervously over his face, looking for his intentions.

"If you would've known," she whispered, "would it... would it have made a difference?"

"No," he said, truthfully. Even if he had been aware of the fact the baker was in love with him, he wouldn't have given in to her feelings. But now... things were different.

"And does it.... make a difference now?"

Her voice was so soft that he had trouble hearing it, but the question was clear, even without the actual sound of her voice. It was the only question that could follow, since he was suddenly rather sure that she had read the doubt in his eyes.

"Yes. I think it makes a difference now."

He wasn't sure what to do, or if the answer that he had given was a right and honest one. He cared for her, but he had no idea to what extent exactly.

"When I came here," Sweeney said quietly as he took his landlady's hand and gently caressed her skin with his thumb, "I hoped to fight the injustice caused by another Turpin by helping you. But things got out of hand, and instead of helping you because of what the Judge's brother did, I want to help you now because of yourself. And instead of feeling bad about kissing you like I had expected and like I should have, I found myself enjoying it. Something inside of me that seemed to be gone, seems to come alive when I hold you."

Mrs. Lovett couldn't believe her ears. Not because Sweeney had said more to her in a few minutes than he had spoken in all those weeks since he had returned to London, but because of the meaning of the words that he had said to her.

He wasn't declaring that he loved her, certainly not, but at least she had an idea now of what was going on behind the facade of his blank face, and the thoughts that swirled around in his head.

"I don't want to give you any false hope," he said as he carefully moved away from her. "You probably wish that I'll changed my mind regarding Lucy, that I'll stop loving her one day. Perhaps I will, but..."

The demon barber stared off into space again, but this time Mrs. Lovett didn't really mind since she at least somehow understood now what he was thinking of.

"It's ironic," the barber suddenly said. "Lucy always said that if something would happen to us, if we couldn't be together anymore for whatever reason... she always said to me, that she would go on with her life without me, and that she expected me to do the same thing if it would be the other way around. Not because she didn't love me, but because she loved me so much that she wanted me to be happy, even if I had to find that happiness in a life without her. She used to say that we should find a new love if one of us wouldn't be there anymore, and that we should find happiness again without feeling guilty about it."

As the barber said the words, the disbelief was clear in his voice, as if he still couldn't understand what his wife had meant all those years ago.

"I know that she would want me to live on, but... I can't forget her, Nellie. The memories fade, no matter what I do, but I can't forget her. Even if I wanted to start something new, I simply couldn't. It kills me inside, it really does."

Without saying one more word, Sweeney quickly left the room without bothering to pick up his shirt, leaving a bewildered Mrs. Lovett behind.

She stared at the door he had vanished through for several minutes, before she collapsed on her bed. She was unable of understanding or realizing what had just happened, but she did at least know that it was good. Finally she felt strong and self assured enough to fully live life again, and the best part was that Mr. Todd had helped her with that. He had said that he couldn't love her and he probably meant it, but the demon barber had changed his opinions in the past before, hadn't he? He had said that he would never move on and forget about his wife, but now he had just been saying with his own mouth that he wanted to move on but couldn't, and that his wife had in fact encouraged him to look for someone else in case something would happen to her. Mrs. Lovett had never thought that she would ever like Lucy for something that she had said or done, but now she felt a lot of gratitude for the now crazy blond woman.

Yes, the baker felt that change was in the air and that, for once, it would be in her favor. It seemed that there was hope after all.

When Mrs. Lovett fell asleep a few minutes later, her dreams weren't tormented by memories of Peter Turpin anymore. Instead, she dreamed about Mr. Todd and herself and their wedding by the sea.