I shouldn't have pointed out people like Ichigo must be compensating for something by having such big swords.

"look! I don't care how tasty the coffee is YOU CAN'T BUY FIVE HUNDRED JARS OF IT!" BCoH was currently being yelled at over the phone by her flatmate. BCoH whined "But it's sooo tasty! And Strawberry doesn't get moaned for having five hundred tons of sword… "
A snap was heard, "I. DON'T. F***ING. CARE. WE DON'T HAVE ROOM IN THE APARTMENT!" BCoH held the phone away from her ear "I can just store in a subdimension, what was the snap on your end anyway?"
Grumbling was heard on the other end along with some rustling of clothes. "My chopsticks I was using. For why strawberry isn't moaned at is because he's probably compensating, or something."

BCoH sighed "Alright. I'll bite. What's he compensating for Dori? Oh yeah, I'm just down the road so I'll be in soon"
"I'll tell when you get here." Then Dori hung up on BCoH. BCoH sighed and quickened her pace to get there faster, almost breaking into a run. She slammed the door open ignoring the vague splatting sound one associates with a small animal being squished as she strode over to her beanbag to sit down. Dori came out of the kitchen holding a boot. "BCOH, when did we get spiders in the house?"
BCoH blinked "EH? I don't know. Maybe the old owner of the flat didn't realize it was there… or they did and couldn't deal with it."
"Then we're going to have to call pest control. There's a nest behind the washing machine." Dori stared at the washing machine very suspiciously. BCoH almost laughed at the expression the previous 4th espada wore, almost. "Why not call Strawberry? He can probably scare 'em off with his reiatsu and we can ask him about le compensation!"
"Ok. You get him, I ain't gonna leave that infernal machine un-watched." BCoH did not succeed in holding back her laughter this time and was forced to evade blind slashes from Dori as she ran out of the apartment to find the completely un-edible object named after an edible object. "Strawberry chan! Dori wants ya!" Said strawberry looked up from the school-work he was doing. "Uhh, ok?"

"Good! Let's go"
One combat pass later the strawberry was being dragged all the way back to the apartment by an exiled Shinigami to kill spiders. BCoH wasn't going to tell him that though, no, that was Dori's job. When they got there loud cusses were coming from the kitchen. Ichigo gave BCOH the 'what-the-hell-is-going-on-in-there' face. BCoH shrugged and pushed him in there, shoved the dioor closed and locked it. Ichigo was seeing an espada speaking fluently in sailor language covered in terantulas. He was immediately covered by them as well, he failed to notice though as all the spiders that got on him sparked and died. "Raise your reiatsu! F***!" Dori yelled to Ichigo. The death berry raised his reiatsu very high. As he did all the tarantulas sparked and died.
BCoH was leaning on the door and only heard 'bzzz' sounds and occasional flashes and thumps. "Is it over now?"

"If you consider Rakki eating a few, yes!" Dori yelled from inside.

BCoH giggled "guess it's safe then~". She walked in and Ichigo was glaring at a wall Zangetsu swinging loosely in his hand.
"OH! Now I remember, what are you compensating for Ichi? You must be with a sword THAT big!~"
Ichigo turned bright red. "Wha-wha huh?!"

"If you don't want the rating to go to T I'll tell you." Dori whispers to BCoH. BCoH gave her friend a confused look "rating…? You know what nevermind, just tell me already!"
"It's cause his crotch isn't bigger." Dori is beat red from having to blatantly say that and at some point while Dori was saying that, Ichigo fainted.