AN: To that guy who said the last chapter title was similar to Kagerou Days.
You win a virtual cookie. All chapters beyond number one are named after music.
Also, no. This story is not inspired by Kampfer. I haven't seen that show in years and I only remembered it when you guys brought it up.
Episode Three: Neverland
She spun around in the air while twirling her wand. Before striking a pose and giving some invisible onlooker a wink.
"Kaleid Liner Prisma Ruby! Here to solve all your problems~ Teehe-"
"BWAH!" A young boy shouted as he woke up from a dream he was having. As the details of the dream began to sink in, the area around him seemed to grow darker and darker until he was emitting an aura of pure despair and anger.
"Ah~ Good morning Iss- MMMH!?" A floating wand shouted trying to give good morning to her master. Only for him to grab her mid-greeting.
"Oh good morning Ruby." Our hero said in the 'sweetest' tone he could manage. "We need to have a talk on why you DON'T FORCE ME TO MARATHON ENTIRE SEASONS OF MAGICAL GIRL SHOWS!"
...Why don't we talk about something else?
Lets be honest with ourselves, if he hadn't met Ruby, his dreams would still be as fucked up as what we saw.
Poor kid.
Wait, you mean I'm not supposed to talk to the audience? But I've been doing that for the past two episodes!
Fine then.
To an average kid, Saturdays are like mini vacations. To Issei Hyoudou however, they involve trying to get his wand, Ruby, to stop cramming magical girl stuff into his head.
Shows how much that is working.
But really, this was a magical wand that could control your body when it touches you.
It's pretty much an uphill battle.
As demonstrated by the beating our hero tried to give to the stick.
"So you attacked me because of a dream you had about being a magical girl?" Ruby asked from the hands of our frozen hero. "But why would you do that?! It means you're coming out as a magical girl!"
"And I've told you how many times I'm not a magical girl! I'm going to be a hero!"
"And I've told you how many times that Magical girls are heroes? You've seen it for yourself!" The wand countered.
...The memories of hours and hours of being forced to watch magical girl shows came flooding into his head. Poses...sparkles...love...magic...
Oh god. Stop the memories. He didn't go through that. Nope!
One thing did stick out though, magical girls could be heroes. ...It was something that was pointed out time and time again by Ruby.
Because if you were saving the earth by shooting a giant laser into a book that would destroy it. If that didn't make you a hero, then what does?
But still...
"But that's not the kind of hero I want to be." Exclaimed Issei as he flopped on down to his bed. "I want to be the kind of hero like Kamen rider!"
"Tch. But you're already becoming one!" The wand shouted. "I honestly don't see why you don't like being a magical girl. You could even use it to find love~"
"I really don't understand how I could find love with magic." Issei replied, continuing his staring contest with the ceiling.
"Just imagine it Issei! You're facing a Servant and you find yourself in trouble, when suddenly a man swoops down from the sky and defeats the Servant while saving you!" Ruby said as she floated in front of Issei.
"Irina…"
"Are you okay, Ruby?"
Issei immediately bolted up smacking his head against Ruby.
What was that?!
"Ohoho. I see that got a reaction out of you!" The wand said cheerfully as Issei rubbed his head.
"Stop putting images into my head!" He yelled. "Besides, why would I let a guy save me? I'm obviously going to save the girl!"
Hero always get the girl, not the other way around.
"Oh? Going for lesbian undertones? I see…" Ruby said out loud.
...You know what? He was done for the day. It was time to take some drastic measures.
"Yes, that could boost production sales and- Issei? Issei where are you going?"
"To try and boost my manliness."
Maybe he should watch that anime Irina got him for his birthday.
What was it called again? Ah What was it called again? Ah right. Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann
One afternoon latter had Issei coming to one conclusion.
Irina was the bestest friend ever. He would have to make it up to him somehow.
But…
Simon didn't get the girl. He saved her, but it proved useless in the end.
Why? Why did it have to be that way?
...It was a terrible ending.
The show can't end that way! The hero was supposed to get the girl! Not...fail…
A lone tear slowly dripped past his cheek as sadness began to overwhelm him.
He...he can't changed the ending. It was impossible, no matter how hard he tried.
The only thing he could do was to shed his tears.
"Why..." He mumbled out. "Why?!"
"Why what?"
"Wha?!" Issei shouted as he jumped back.
Ruby floated in front of him, wings folded in a way that vaguely resembled a shrug. She must have came when he was watching the show. Or just now. Or...
You know what? He was going to stop questioning that.
"Hm... was it the ending of that show? I know! How about some more-"
"No! No more magical girl shows!" He interrupted the wand.
Never...again...
Just who the hell did she think he was?
Ugh, his eyes hurt...
"Yeah, I think that's enough TV for one day." He said, yawning out loud.
"Sure! And I get to pick next time, so I can make you do embarrassing stuff!"
"You're not even trying to hide it!"
"Issei, it's time for dinner!" His mom called from the kitchen.
"Coming!"
Ruby flew into his hands as he rushed towards the dinner table. His mom's cooking was the best…
"Haha! Excited are we?" His mom said, carrying the meal to the table. "Well, make sure to wash your hands…"
A dull thud and the clashing of metal echoed through out the room. A dull, tingly feeling buzzed through Issei as he moved to inspect the noise.
His mother had just... collapsed. No warnings given whatsoever. The food was splattered all over the apron and was dripping into her clothes.
It was soup. Mom knows he never liked soup.
"Issei! Issei! This must be the work of a enemy Class Card!" Ruby yelled, breaking free of his hands and releasing herself.
"Why do I feel like you just referenced something...?"
"Never mind that! Let's go Issei!"
"On it!" Issei shouted as he grabbed onto Ruby's handle.
As he began to twirl during the transformation, he could only help but worry about what this Class Card could do.
He wasn't even in that weird pocket dimension thing!
He shouldn't have tempted fate.
As he began to fly over town, his sights had became blurry. He honestly couldn't tell if that was because of the transition or the fact that the town was slowly dissolving into madness.
Trees that had no end began to tower the sky, he could have sworn that he saw a couple of walking cards, and was that a castle in the distance?!
"Issei, this Class Card is no ordinary Class Card."
"Again with that feeling..." Issei muttered to himself. "So do you know what type of Class Card it is?"
"It's most likely a Caster type, since this place seems to be a Reality Marble of sorts." Ruby said. "But what's strange is that it hasn't generated a mirror world first. Instead, it just seems to be slowly taking over the town..."
"It kinda seems like a dream." Issei responded. "Like some sort of thing you'd see in a fairy tale."
"WAIT!" Yelled a voice from down below.
As Issei guided himself to the ground, he could spot a brown haired girl chasing a rabbit down the street. Her chase ends as her body suddenly goes ahead of her feet and gravity makes itself known.
"Ah..." She mumbled as Issei landed on the ground. She whipped her head to the our current magical girl and gave a wide eyed look. "Finally! Somebody who's not asleep!" She yelled, running up to Issei. "Quick! What's your name!"
Ack! What should he do?! He's never talked to a girl like this before! Help? Help!
"R-Ruby..." He called out.
Unfortunately, fate seems to have had other plans for our hero.
"Ruby? That's your name? Seems kinda... western." The girl said with her hands on her hips. "And why are you dressed up as a magical girl? Are you one?"
"That's right!" Ruby exclaimed, lifting his hand up in order to put herself at eye level with the girl. "Her name is Kaleid Liner Prisma Ruby, and I'm her partner, the magical stick of love and justice Kaleidostick Ruby!"
"Don't listen to a thing she says." Issei slipped out instantly. "She tricked me into this job."
"Eh? So you're an actual magical girl?" The brown haired girl responded.
"Unfortunately..." Issei replied, shifting his eyes to the side.
He wanted to be a hero!
"Cool! My name is Kiyome Abe and I'm a beast tamer! Well, beast tamer in-training." The girl, Kiyome, introduced herself.
"Beast tamer...?" Issei mumbles out loud. "Sounds a lot like pokemon…"
"Eh he… I guess you could say that." Kiyome said, looking off to the side with rosy cheeks. "Anyways, do you happen to know what's going on? I just took a nap for a few hours, and when I wake up, the world was like this."
"It's the work of a dangerous artifact known as the Class Card." Ruby said seriously. "They take the form of heroes of legend, and in the wrong hands, they could destroy an entire city."
"Like this?" Kiyome said, gesturing to the scenery before them.
"This is somewhat of an anomaly, but yes."
"Well, it could be worse." Issei sighed.
Silence.
"...What?" He said, noticing the wide-eyed stare Kiyome was giving him.
"You just had to say it, didn't you?" She responded.
"Say what?"
"Ruby! Didn't all those magical girl shows teac-"
"MAGICAL GIRL SHOWS?! WHAT MAGICAL GIRL SHOWS?! HAHAHAHHAHAHH! JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!?"
"...Is she okay?" Kiyome whispered to Ruby as Issei tried to block out the memories.
"Just give her a moment."
"Okay…."
"...You done yet?"
"I think so." Issei replied after two minutes of shouting out manly (but really don't need to be used right now) quotes.
"Quick! Ruby! We need to capture the- LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" The wand shouted at Issei.
He quickly whipped his head towards the sleeping bodies. Or rather, the roots that surrounded them.
"What's going on!?" He yelled at the wand.
"The card is using the bodies as a source of energy! We need to stop it quickly before they all die!" Ruby yelled. "I knew this servant was unusual!"
"...Everyone dies?" Kiyome asked. "How much time do we have?"
"A couple of minutes at worst. Fifteen minutes at best. It depends on how much energy the card is taking." Was Ruby's response.
Everyone dieing…
No! He can't let that happen!
"Lets go Ruby!" He yelled.
"Such fighting spirit..." Kiyome said in wonder. "How are you not scared?"
"Because I'm not scared any more. I'll jump into the darkness if it means I can achieve my goal." Issei said with conviction in his eyes.
"Achieve your goal?"
All Issei could do was smile.
"I'm going to become a hero. Even if it means sending myself to the abyss that is the unknown."
The sky had became a dull gold some time during his flight, the world looked completely different than what it looked like mere minutes before. Flashes of pink flew through it as he tried to find the Servant using his homing bullets.
He couldn't land on the ground, there were monsters everywhere, and he couldn't afford to be slowed down.
"Ten more minutes Issei!"
"Now you call me by my real name!?"
"Secret identity!"
He sped up his chase even if it meant the wind would blind him. The homing bullets were bright enough for him to still follow.
He only hoped Kiyome was doing alright. She was hiding out in the remains of a cafe last time he checked.
His bullets were all leading him to the tip of the castle.
...In hindsight, it should have been obvious where the Servant was hiding.
"Issei! Listen! We're going to use that Class Card we got from last time!" Ruby shouted. "Just take it out, put it next to me, and yell 'Class Card: Archer include'!'"
...What? He was going to use the Class Card?
"A-Alright." He stuttered out. "Class Card: Archer, INCLUDE!"
He could only stared in amazement as Ruby turned into the bow and a green cloak appeared on his shoulders.
...He knew what to do with the bow. An arrow appeared as he drew the bowstring back and aimed right at the tip of the castle. He could see the Class Card. He released the bowstring and let the arrow fly towards it's target.
Only for a giant red hand to catch the arrow mid flight.
He didn't have time for this!
He quickly lifted his hood up, allowing the power of the legend to hide him before flying as high as he could go.
A few days ago, the thing in front of him would have scared him to the core. Now? Now he could only grin under his hood.
The Servant apparently had a guardian. A red giant that soared through the skies.
Fitting for this messed up world.
He remembered back to that night in the forest. It wasn't until the end that he saw the Class Card. This hero fought in the shadows, and if he was going to fight with his weapons…
Then he too will have to go to the shadows. Sneak past the giant and kill the servant. Simple.
...But he didn't want to be like that. He wasn't like that. He was going to be hero! The kind of hero who saved the day! He had already decided this! So he did things his way.
He shot the giant down.
The thing flew straight down as the poison in the arrow instantly took effect. Landing directly on the castle.
The castle shattered like glass as Ruby returned back to normal.
"Hurry Issei! There's not much time!" She shouted.
"Right!" He yelled, pocketing the card. He took off with all his might until he found her.
The Class Card took the form of a young girl with white hair, and she seemed as broken as the castle. Cuts and blood splattered everywhere as she looked at him dead in the eye. And to his surprise, she spoke.
"Finish it." She declared. "Finish the story. I'll be back when the reader starts at the beginning again."
He froze.
"Issei, this isn't your regular Class Card." Ruby spoke from his hands. "This is the manifestation of someone's thoughts on a story. Not an actual hero. What she says is true. That's why the mirror reality took so long to form and why so many people are in it."
Wait, this was the mirror reality? Well, that explained a lot.
Not much of a mirror reality.
"Issei, one minute left!" Ruby yelled.
Ack!
He began to rush towards the Servant with his fist back as once again he called upon the power inside of him. "Twice,".
He wasn't going to make it! He needed a-
"[BOOST]"
His feet suddenly sped up as power surged through rhem. He didn't have time to question where the sound or power came from but he knew it had something to do with the gauntlet.
"Critical!" He shouted as he threw the punch. A dull thud sounded throughout the area.
"And so the story ends once more." She said as she began to dissolve. "Alice, I wonder when we'll see each other again."
Issei could only watch as the card dropped to the floor. Slowly, he picked it up.
Class Card GET!
"Issei, the mirror reality is falling apart!" Ruby shouted to him.
"Falling?"
"Yes, falling! We need to get out of here!"
"In recent news, a major gas leak over the town has caused all residents to fall asleep. Luckily, no damage has been taken to the town itself." The TV blared in the background from downstairs as Kiyome stared him down.
"So, you're telling me you're a guy?" She asked.
They were currently in his room after he had returned to actually explain what was going on.
In spite of Ruby's insistence that he should kept his identity a secret for "Comedy".
Yeah- no. He already knew that Ruby's definition of "Comedy" is "My personal amusement".
"Well, yeah." He said, looking away.
"...AHAHAHAHA!" She yelled breaking out in laughter.
"It's not funny!"
"Yes it is!"
He couldn't help but smile as their banter continued until she went back home.
After all, this story has a happy ending. He'll make sure of it.
AN: Well, I did it. Not as long as the last chapter but that's okay. And guess what? I even grabbed myself a beta! Say hello to Shinji Matou!
You can't stop me, Snake! I will open that can of worms and tell everyone your dark and horrible secret! This guy- *is shot*.
What was that? I couldn't hear you.
...Well, anyways. I'm not really that happy with the fight scene (Though I know most of you are here for the jokes) and I feel like I may have gotten some things wrong.
But then again, Nasu gets his own stuff wrong.
Also, if anyone is wondering why Issei got Archer's cloak and bow. It's because they are both his noble phantasms.
Well, if Shinji overlooked a mistake please tell us.
Snake out!