A/N: Let the angst resume! This is Arya's POV. It takes place after Saphira returns without Eragon in Brisingr and Arya goes to find him. Review and tell me what you think.

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Step Four: Blame Society

She feels as if she has been born with her back against a wall. The royal line of Ellesméra depends on her. But she slips up. She chooses to be free and untouchable (this ultimately leads to her torture) and live as she sees fit.

So now she runs away (always running) from the Varden, searching for Eragon Shadeslayer among the vast countryside of Alagaësia. Arya hopes he is alive and well, not because she loves him, but because the Varden needs him. Nasuada needs him.

An echo of the girl's cry sounds in her mind, but she pushes it away. It is essential that she find the Rider. She must return him safely.

The young man, so handsome now that he looks elvish, stirs a fiery anger within her. He loves her, she can see this, and the feeling is not returned (will never be returned.) He is a good man, a brave human. He would devote his entire life to her. He would be faithful and kind. He would be a king. It would be a perfect match.

But she does not love him. Slowly, she is beginning to wrap her mind around the fact that she loves (is it love?) another leader of the Varden. A dark-skinned woman, still so young and so stubborn, unable to take care of herself because she is busy with everyone else.

Her pace quickens (and her flesh heats up) when she thinks of Nasuada. Arya runs faster, trying to find the boy (man?) and put her silly thoughts away. The world is not ready for such a love.

Yet she will not deny that she misses her. Even now, when they have only been apart for a day, Arya wants to keep the half-queen in her sights. (Half-queen she is.)

She sprints furiously and contemplates if her feelings are even mutual. She is (almost) certain. They must be. Arya is a good judge of character, of feelings. (She could read Fäolin like a book.)

Her memory blocks her train of thought. Fäolin was so much like Eragon, and something like Nasuada. He was perfect, but not for her. A deep connection, but it was not the same. He was respect and defiance (oh, how they loved to argue), but not passion. Not love.

What she feels right now is an ache in her chest that spreads like tendrils to the rest of her speeding body. It is not for her dead Fäolin, but for her Nasuada, who is far from her now, and who called her name with fear as Arya dashed away.

The lines of her form blur across the plains, and soon the elf wants to tear her heart out because it beats so fast and painfully.

Abruptly she stops, panting, and lays her palms and forehead against a tree. She knows that she cannot love her. She thinks again of Eragon, the Rider everyone expects to rule at her side. She thinks of Nasuada and King Orrin, who is absent-minded and caring.

Everything fits so well.

All of the puzzle pieces are accounted for, all but her. And so she stands somewhere in the country, digging her fingernails into tree bark because nothing will work out. Orrin will marry Nasuada and together they will unite Alagaësia and Surda and everyone will be prosperous and happy again and Arya will marry Eragon and hatch the third dragon egg and the forests will sing of the joyous new union of elves and humans.

She sees the puzzle completely (and hates every last part of it). She wants to weep or be held or be whispered to by the one person she can never have.

Fueled again by self-destruction, she takes off in the sunlight. (She must find him.) She knows that Nasuada cannot be happy- society's puzzle cannot be complete- without the Dragon Rider at her side. So she will fit them together to bring Nasuada peace.

(Her mind is not settled.) She repeats one phrase for the duration of her journey. It is her new mantra, the world's decree for her to follow, and she cannot deny it. She says it out loud once, disgusted by the words in her mouth.

"Ellesméra cannot have two queens."

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