You Have Potential
A Buffy The Vampire Slayer Fan Fiction Story
Chapter 29:
Giles rubbed his forehead, after removing his glasses. Every was tired, and moral was running low. We had stayed u for 2 and half days straight. We needed to figure out everything we could about the apocalypse at hand. If there was any way I could avoid starting it? I slammed the book I was looking through shut and was about ready to give up.
" This is useless… I'm just Lilith's puppet, and she knows my every move before I make it, and all I can do is just sit back and let it happen until she completely takes me over!" I felt like I wanted to cry, but what could I do? That night, after I had that dream, had told every one every detail about it. Even in my own dream she controlled every move I made. Ever since that happened everyone was on edge.
" Well, now that's the attitude we were looking for to defeat her." Giles said sarcastically. I sighed. I stood up and walked out on the front porch. I needed air. The sun was going down, and I just watched the sunset. I heard foot steps behind me, as I stood there staring into the sky. I knew who it was with out turning around.
" How is it that your always around every time I need you most?" I turned around to stare at him. Yesterday Buffy had found his old leather jacket. I let out a shiver, and he took it off and wrapped it around my shoulders. " Thanks"
" How is it that your either yelling at me, or telling me how amazing I am?" I laughed, and punched him In the arm.
" Can I ask you a serious question?"
" You can ask me any thing you wasn't love.." I sat down on the stoop, and hesitated before I spoke. I put my hand in my hands, and he came and sat next to me.
" I think I am losing my mind, and I can't be responsible for the apocalypse and I cant believe I am going to say what I am, but I need you to promise me something?"
" Oh yea and what's that?"
" I need you to kill me, the minute that you realize I am not me any more" He grabbed both of my shoulders, and tried to see if I was serious.
" Kill you?"
" Spike you don't know how powerful she really is, and what it is like to have her inside your head, I cant control her. It's like When I had you in my head I was still me and I wasn't completely gone, but When ever she takes over its like I am just sitting back watching." I let a tear fall from my face, and he brushed it away.
" You cant ask me to do that!"
" It may be your best bet, I mean we don't even know if we can actually kill her, best case scenario, we can find away to banish her, but we are no closer than we were before."
" So that's it? Your just giving up?" I shook my head.
" I'm looking at the bigger picture"
" Well I wont do it, sorry get your precious Xander to do it!" He huffed and tried to walk away and skulk.
" Why are you getting so touchy, and I cant ask Xander to do that I already know he wont. I just need to know if worse came to worse, you would do what was necessary?"
" Why am I the one to kill you then Eh?"
" Because if any one has to do it I'd rather it be you!"
" Because I'm a killer?" I shook my head.
" No, because you're the only one I trust" He laughed.
" Right then, so why jump right to worse case scenario?"
" Why?"
" What?"
" Why is it that big of a deal? The only thing destined for me in my line id death any way ,and I think if I can stop the world from ending then hey I'm doing something right with it, and besides Buffy has died twice!" He got so angry that he pushed me up against a fence that we were walking by.
" You want to know why I cant kill you so bad?" I nodded. " Alright, then answer this Why cant you kill me?" I pushed him off of me.
" Your not evil, and you have a soul, and you're a good man!" I closed my eyes and when I opened them back up he was just inches from my face. " When I look at you I don't see Spike, or William the Bloody.. I see you as you really are" I brushed my hand along his cheek, and felt my whole body chill, and it sent Goosebumps through out my body. I took a deep breath and let my eyes close as he closed the gap between us. He put one hand behind my neck and the other around my waist bring me closer to him. His lips crashed down onto mine, and I got lost in him. We both fought for dominance. I hated knowing I didn't feel any passion when I kissed Xander, and every time I saw Spike kiss Buffy a part of me dies inside. But I can't ever think or say those things because that would mean… We finally pulled apart ,and with out thinking I moaned.
" William…" I smiled, and then my eyes got wide when I realized what I had just done. I covered my mouth, and started running all the way back to the house.
Meanwhile back at the house Everyone still had there nose deep inside of all of the books, when Willow found something.
" Oh..Oh " She stood up " I found something!" She started to jump up and down a little. Now all of the attention was on Willow.
" What is it Will?" Buffy walked over to where she was and leaned over her shoulder reading the book that she had in front of her. She pointed to one of the pages.
" Well apparently Lilith as tried to start the apocalypse before, and failed. It was over 100 years ago she had possessed a high school girl about 17 years old, who had just come into her Seer powers, but this girl was also the slayer." Buffy interrupted with glee.
" A Ha Giles, I wasn't the only slayer that tried to have a life!" He nodded trying to ignore her ,and focus more on Willow, and her revelation.
" Does it say how she stopped Lilith?" He asked her and she read on, looking anxious.
" Yes, It says that she had to make a sacrifice, while under the control of the demon. Uh It doesn't say how or what kind of sacrifice but it can be done."
" It's kind of vague" Xander shouted.
" Yes, but it's all we got!" Buffy nodded.
" Where is Alexis?" Giles asked looking around, a little worried when he didn't see me.
" On the porch I believe with Spike" Willow said looking at the door. And Just then I came running through the door, and slamming it shut before Spike could walk through it.
" There she is…" Xander said watching me run in here with such force. I came into the living room where everyone was gathered ,and looked at everyone staring at me with concern.
" What?" I asked pretending I didn't know.
Spike came through the door not a minute later, and also slammed it shut.
" Ok, what are we missing?" Xander shot up and looked at the two of us, and I refused to look at Spike.
" It's nothing!" I said hoping he would drop the subject, " I just needed air" Spike scoffed at my statement.
Willow looked at me skeptically but decided to tell us what they had just learned, not sparing a single detail.
" Wait what kind of sacrifice?" I asked immediately thinking it was going to be what I had asked of Spike.
" We don't know, but some how this Slayer 100 years ago overcame Lilith and won" Buffy tried to sound confident.
" That's it" Giles said standing up " You, Cordelia,and myself will work on controlling your gift!" I shrugged, I mean what could it hurt. Maybe if I could control it now It may be easier once I had some one else steering me.
Xander and I sat in my room later on that day, just going over what is going to happen when we win the apocalypse.
" When this is all over what are you going to do?" He asked me.
" What do you mean?" I leaned my head on his chest laying back against him, as he held me in his arms.
" Well, Your connection with Spike will be gone, and the Apocalypse will be over and no more Lilith. Are you going to go back to New York?" I never really thought about it. Everything just kept coming up. I did have a life there, but I really didn't know what was going to even happen tomorrow let alone when this is all over.
" I don' know, I never really thought about it. Why?" He Traced the outside of my ear with his finger and it sent chills up my spine. I smiled, and he moved his hand down to my neck. I moaned as he started to rub my shoulders.
" Alexis, I want to ask you something, but I want you to really think about it?"
" MmHmm…" I said leaning into his touch.
" When this is all over I want you to stay here with me" I leaned up and looked back at him, with an open mouth. " I mean you're my girlfriend, and I want to take the next step with you, I mean that is If you'll have me?" I stood up quickly and covered my mouth.
" Xander what are you asking me? I stood up and he grabbed my hands.
" I know you are scared, and I know how you feel about me, because it is what I feel about you!" I looked at him an bit my bottom lip. How could he know how I feel, I barely did?
I didn't know what to say.
" Alexis will you marry me?" I froze and then jumped up to kiss him, then instantly slapping him across the face.
" How could you ask me that?" I knew how the last long relationship he had ended, and I felt the only reason he was asking me was because he may care about me, but he thought we were all going to die.
After I slapped him he seemed speechless.
" I'm sorry I'm confused, was that a yes or a no?"
" Answer me this, why are you asking me? Why now, and so soon?" I folded my arms trying to keep my distance.
" Because I love you, and You're the first woman I've ever really felt this way about since Anya!" He tried to persuade.
" You left Anya at the alter!" I didn't meant to say that it just came out. I knew that it was a different point in his life. He really did love her, but in the end they weren't ready yet.
" Yes, I did, and thanks for throwing that in my face. I know I made a mistake, but my mistake wasn't not marrying her, it was trying to do it before we were ready." I tilted my head and tried to get him see what he was doing again.
" And we are?" He shrugged.
" Don't think of it as an engagement just a promise that I am the only one you could ever love until we are ready?" I started to pace. How could I promise that when I was try ingot fight my feelings for someone I know I could never be with. SO do I just say yes to Xander and then my feelings for Spike will be invalid? I mean I take vows seriously, and this was big.
" I need time to think about it!" I said calmly hoping he wouldn't be upset. " I'll tell you what, If we survive this thing and avoid another apocalypse with every one safe then I will give you an answer." He nodded.
" That is fair enough, take all of the time you need. I'm not going any where" Could he make me feel any guiltier?
Later that night I was walking aimlessly through the house, just trying to clear my head, and I didn't want to go to sleep with the fear that Lilith could take control again. I thought about going into the cemetery to patrol, but then I would have to find some one to go with me, which wasn't sounding like a bad idea right now. I walked through the kitchen drinking a glass of water. I sat down and started to feel restless, so I went searching for someone.
" Alexis? What are you doing up?" I looked up smiling at Reyna Willows girlfriend.
" Hey Reyna, I couldn't sleep." I stared at her and she could sense there was something else wrong.
" Is everything alright? Your not having a vision are you? Wait, or are you Lilith now?" I laughed and shook my head.
" No, I'm me , just conflicted." He laughed back at how silly she sounded. She sat down next to me. " I thought Willow was with Buffy , Xander and Giles tonight? " She shrugged.
" Yea she is I just forgot."
" Say, do you want to go patrol with me, I cant sleep and I'd love the company, besides I have to have it now a days?"
" Sure, why not!" We walked out to the cemetery, and I needed to open up to some one about what was weighting on my mind.
We were walking through the empty gravestones, and yet to see a vampire, so I figured I would confide in her.
" Xander asked me to marry him!" I slowed down and looked right at her.
" Oh my god that's…" She noticed my panicked look on my face. " That's not good? I shrugged, and stopped walking and sat on the top of a grave stone.
" I don't know, I mean this is all going too fast for me." She nodded.
" So you said no?" She said kind of said hoping she was wrong. I heard her voice drag with disappointment. Everyone loved Xander.
" I said I needed to think about it, I would let him know if we get through all of this. I mean part of me is worried because he is only asking me in time of distress and he thinks its romantic. Then There is Anya… I could never live up to her rep, and he stood her up and died before they could ever fix things. Then there's…. Uh.. Spike" I hesitated even telling her that part.
" Spike?" She asked a little confused. " Did he said something to threaten you? " I shook my head.
" No, he wouldn't threaten me, or even hurt me, it's just I… I mean I" I saw her eye brows raise and I knew she understood.
" Oh" She sighed. " You are in love with Spike, aren't you?" I let a tear fall down my cheek hoping in the darkness she wouldn't notice.
" I am" We continued walking in silence. The cemetery seemed pretty empty and lacking in evil. It almost disappointed me, I needed to fight, or do something to get everything off my mind. I finally looked over at her.
" Please don't say anything to any one!" I pleaded.
" I promise!" We both smiled at each other. I knew that my secret was safe with her. We decided to go over the cemetery one more time and then call it a night… There was simply no action as weird as it sounded.
We walked past an old mausoleum, and I decided to check it out. I walked up to the window, and looked in. It looked dark, but I got a funny vibe from it so I ushered Reyna over, and we walked inside together. She was a powerful witch, and I was a potential slayer with Seer abilities and a stake, ready for what ever came out at me.
" What's in here?" She asked me and I wasn't sure, so I didn't answer. I just walked around watching both of our backs. We came to a door in the back, and as I was creaking it open, and we both came face to face with Lilith. I gasped.
" Lilith!" I said, and she smiled inching toward me as we both slowly backed up.
" Hello Alexis" She giggled. She reached toward me and touched my head. " Now we are one!" Her eyes got black, and mine went white. Lilith Disappeared as I fainted to the ground.