You Have Potential
A Buffy The Vampire Slayer Fan Fiction Story
Author's Note: Once again I just wanted to emphasize the change in font is not reality either meaning a dream, or memory. I am sorry if it is confusing to follow but everything is coming together, and will make more sense,
Chapter 31:
I had the biggest head ache, and Lately I have just slept for days, I felt like I was trapped in my own head with Lilith able to manipulate every thought and dream. She was now inside my head and there was nothing she didn't know about me. I relived the last dream that Lilith was able to manipulate for her own pleasure.
I was walking along the streets of New York city back home. I was rushing on the way to a gig. I ran through the doors, with my guitar, and the manager was yelling at me for being late. I had always been clever and the type of person it was hard to be made at. I had a sweet innocent face so in my dream I decided to milk that factor and the manager however didn't buy it just told me to go on now. I was so stressed out. I walked in the back room to get back stage, and get ready to perform. I realized once I was on stage I didn't have a new song to sing, and I couldn't think of one of my usual songs to sing, so I just stood there sweating, and staring out into the crowd. I knew I had to sing something, I had never been one to be nervous, this was new for me. It felt like the weight of the world was judging me. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth the sing something, but my voice was gone. I felt like I was going to cry. I closed my eyes but when I opened my eyes again everyone in the crowd was gone except for Spike, who stood there in the middle of the room. He was looking up at me longingly in his long leather jacket, red shirt, and black pants.
" Spike!" Suddenly my voice was back, and I was so pleased, also that no one was there except for the two of us. I jumped off of the stage, and walked slowly toward him, but as I walked on it seemed like he was farther away than he actually was.
" I'm really glad that you're here!" I shouted to him running to get to him, but I seemed to not be getting any where. I saw him extend his hand out to me and I felt my heart flutter. I was finally able to get to him, and I reached up and ran my hands through his blonde locks.
" I love you Spike, and I know that you'll never love me like you love Buffy, but you're the best friend that I ever had and I'll never forget what you gave to me!" Suddenly Spike started to disappear, and I gasped covering my mouth, because he had just turned into Lilth. I stared at the little blonde mischievous little girl with a white dress and she just giggled.
" The potential Vampire slayer is in love with a Vampire" She laughed, and slapped me across the face. " I am going to have fun with this"
What did Lilith mean that she was going to have fun? Was that mean that she was going to manipulate all of my thoughts and dreams into nightmares. She can turn my fears and secrets against me. I had been so tired lately, and Giles said that it was Lilith's influence that was making me tired. I struggled to get out of bed. It was 3:00 in the afternoon I needed to fight this I kept thinking over and over in my head. I threw on an old pair of faded jeans, and black v neck tee shirt. I threw my hair in a pony tail, and walked down stairs to the kitchen to make myself some coffee and fight my demon with caffeine, and lots of it. The place seemed to be relatively quiet and that made me nervous. Was alone again?
" Hello? Is any one home?" I shouted and there was no answer. I shrugged and started to brew some coffee. I looked outside and it was still daylight so I tried to find Spike. There was a chance he was here. I opened the door to the basement, and carefully walked down the stairs. I saw him laying there on the cot in the corner.
" Spike are you awake?" I said walking over there. I sat down on the corner of the cot, and he didn't awake. I watched him sleep, and I took in his every feature. I smiled and sighed about to give up and just let him rest. That's when something grabbed my arm as I was getting up. I gasped and looked back. It was Spike. He had woken up.
" What are you doing pet?" I sat back down and grinned.
" Trying not to sleep!" I said as I let out another yawn. Spike sat up and let a cigarette. He leaned back against the wall and so did I.
" She still manipulating your dreams?" I nodded.
" I am so tired all of the time, it feels like the only way I can fight her is to stay awake. She knows my every hope, dream, fear, and secrets inside of me. She is playing all of that against me to drain me of my humanity." I looked around and sighed. " Where is everyone?"
" They all went to the Magic shop" When ever Buffy and the others had moved to L.A. Giles used the money he got back from the damage of the building in Sunnydale and used that into an all new Magic Box. " I heard Will say something about making a potion to help you out with your Lilith Dream invasion problem. They think it will buy us time to find a way to kill her." I looked at him strangely.
" So I take it that means that you don't think so?" He smirked.
" I don't know love I'm sorry!" I smirked and got up to get my coffee.
" That's ok" I made my way upstairs and he followed me up. I poured my self a tall cup of coffee. " Do you want some?" I asked pouring him a glass as well. He went into the fridge and poured a packet of blood into the coffee cup. I bit my lip and shuddered when I watched him do it. I sat down at the kitchen table and he stood behind me.
" Anything you need me to do? Anything you want to know about Lilith? " I laughed. And quickly tried to down my coffee.
" Can you keep me awake?" He smirked and leaned down to whisper in my ear.
" I believe I do have ways to keep you awake for hours and begging me to never stop!" I instantly blushed and it sent a shiver up my spine. I knew what Spike was capable of in the way in which he spoke of ,and I tried not to think of his body in mine. I giggled and nervously sipped my coffee.
" Uh… no…" I watched Spike came around the table to face me and saw how red my face was. " Spike… no… I.. Can't" He tilted his head at me.
" Can't or wont?" I sighed, trying not to cry.
" Both" I looked up at him, and a single tear fell from my face. He walked over to me ,and I jumped up and put my arms around him. He crashed his lips down into mine and our mouths danced around , but then he pushed me away.
" Your going to marry Xander?"He shouted. How could he know that? I never told any one except for Reyna, and Xander promised he wouldn't say anything until I gave him an answer. I stepped back.
" What?" I backed up as he came toward me. " I mean he asked me, but I didn't answer him yet, how did you know that I haven't said anything?"
" I felt it!" He said putting his hands cupping my face. " Are you going to say yes?" I shook my head persuasively and started to shake.
" I don't know… I mean I needed to think about it…" He interrupted me coming closer to my face again.
" What is stopping you?" I felt my cheeks go red again.
" You!" I whispered and he leaned in and kissed me sweetly. I threw my arms around his neck and some how I felt like something was wrong. I leaned up and Spike's face was turning into Lilith's. I pushed her away, and backed up.
" What the hell?" She smirked.
" You know Alexis, you're a great kisser, I see why you get all of the guys!" I backed up. " You cant defeat me!" She said simply fluffing her hair.
I was sitting at the table just staring straight ahead like I was in a trance, except my eyes had gone all white.
Spike was standing over me trying to snap me out of it.
" Lexi! Lexi?" I was finally coming out of it and I saw Spikes face in front of mine. I jumped remembering Lilith was Spike just moments ago, but he pulled me into a tight hug.
" It's ok, what happened? I was telling you about my skills for keeping you awake and you got really still, and your eyes went all white. I had been trying to snap you out of it for 30 minutes now?" I stood up and gulped down the rest of my coffee and pouring myself some more.
" Even daydreaming… " I said " She can even get to me day dreaming!" I quickly turned around. " I don't care what you have to do, help me stay awake, and if she can get to me by day dreaming too" I sighed. " NO talking dirty to me!" He smirked, but I was serious.
" Don't worry Lexi, We will figure this out, And I will protect you against her, if it's the last thing I ever do, I will die trying." Slapped him across the face.
" Don't ever say that!" I tried not to tear up and stay strong to let him know I mean business. " No one is dying on my watch… Don't test me William!" He looked at me in confusion using his real name.
I walked out the door, but Spike caught me before I left grabbing my shoulder.
" Where are you going?"
" Next door to train, it's the only way I can think of to keep up my strength to win." I walked out of the door, seeing Lilith's reflection in the window as I walked out.
Willow, Buffy, Giles, and Xander came bursting through the door with excitement. They must have had good news, but Spike was all they found in the house.
" Where's Alexis?" Willow asked smiling.
" She is next door at Giles's Training, what's up?" She held up a vile of green liquid. This time Buffy smiled and finished her thought.
" We found a way for Alexis to lose her connection with Lilith, and it should make her vulnerable enough to stake, with a special liquid that will prevent her from returning … well at least for a couple of hundred years."
" That's great!" He was extremely excited for me. " Lets go get her and do this!" Everyone stayed put, and looked at each other. " What is it?" He knew there was more they weren't telling him about it.
" Well" Giles spoke up. " It can only be given while she is unconscious, and Xander has to be the one to do it" HE looked at them all with a tilted head. Had they all gone mental.
" How do you figure it has to be Xander?" Giles looked at Xander and he looked at Buffy. She walked toward him.
" Spike this isn't going to be an easy process. Since Lilith only gets to her in a state of unconsciousness that's when we have to strike. Except when we give it to her a number of things could go wrong, and the spell calls for the touch of love." She looked at Xander. " We think it means that is has to be given by some one she loves ,and that's why Xander has to be the one" Spike couldn't believe what he was hearing.
" Oh, and you think she loves him, just because they have been sleeping together for a few weeks?" It was a low blow and he was getting offended even though he wasn't quite sure why he was.
" We have been doing more than just sleeping together, evil dead" Xander huffed. " We care about each other so much I asked her to marry me!" He realized the minute he blurted it out that I had asked him to keep it a secret until I answered him. Though he hated Spike pushing his buttons, and he couldn't take it any more. Spike's jaw dropped. Was he the only one that didn't know. He looked absolutely shocked. He couldn't believe even more that out of everything I haven't told him, but even though I was still thinking it over there were reasons I never told him.
" Well… ok… lover boy" He was now getting snooty and offended. " Good luck trying to get her to go to sleep." He walked next door as it was now getting dark. He needed to get away from Xander and question me.
When I had gotten over in Giles training room I changed into my work out clothes, and worked on my fighting skills flipping a 95 pound sand bag over and over again and punching the training dummy that Giles and Buffy had made. I had been working out so hard I hadn't even noticed any one come in. I had forgotten all about being tired. I guess a good work out was all I needed to fight. He stood on the side of the room and just watched me throw punches at the hard sand bag, with his arms folded across his chest. It wasn't until he cleared his through to emphasize that he was there that I jumped out of my skin and smiled as I turned my head to face him. I stopped for a moment and grabbed my iced coffee that I had made. I still needed to intake caffeine.
" Hey" I walked toward him, and he looked pissed off. " I really think this training work out was what I needed to keep me awake. I cant believe I didn't think of it sooner." I laughed, but when he barely made a movement or noise I knew something was up.
" What's wrong with you?" He waited a minute or so before answering, he started to pace and it was making me nervous. " Spike?" HE stopped this time and shook his head.
" You want to know what's wrong?" I nodded. " You want me to tell you everything that is on my mind" I nodded.
" Well yes" He smirked.
" Because that is exactly what you would do right? I mean you say that were friends and friends tell each other things… big things, major life changing things… " Ok I was intrigued what was he getting at?
" Yes… Spike you're my friend, and what ever you have to say you can tell me!" I persuaded him to tell me what was on his mind un aware how ignorant I had been.
" Bollocks!" I jumped. " You little liar." I shook my head.
" What are you…"
" Your engaged to Xander Harris?" He shouted at me half asking half throwing in my face that I hadn't told him. I covered my mouth and felt my jaw drop to the floor. I was going to tell him when I made up my mind. I wasn't purposely keeping him out of the loop. Then my mind jumped to how he found out? I had daydreamed him finding out ... But that didn't actually happen!
I just stood there not saying a word I was still in shock.
" Alexis Did Xander ask you to Marry him?" He said again slowly wanting an answer.
" Yes" I watched his face go from angry to disappointed and hurt. He scoffed. " Spike he did ask me, but I didn't answer him… not yet" I tried to make him understand.
He just looked at me listening to me. " I didn't want to say anything to any one until I was sure… I mean that's not something I take lightly. There are factors."
" Like what?" he asked dryly.
" First of all it feels like I had just met him, and its too soon, then there is the fact that I will never measure up to Anya, not in his eyes, she was the biggest love of his life. He proposed to her and then stood her up at the alter, and I'm not even sure if I love him… I mean I do love him… its just there's… I mean what is there is some one else…" Spike's expression went a little warmer and he walked toward me grabbing both of my hands that were now shaking.
" Listen love, When you love some one you will just know it, and you wont need to think about it, Xander is an idiot if he compares you to Anya, she is gone and to make you feel like you can never measure up to her is sinful." He paused. " As Far as standing you up at the alter like he had her, he would have to be brainless, and he may actually be just that, but the fact that he has fallen in love with you shows he does have great taste and judge of character." He paused again and pushed a strand of hair that had fallen out of my pony tail behind my ear, and it sent a shiver up my spine. " If you are still unsure and you feel there may be some one else that holds your heart, you have to be fair to Xander, and everyone. You need to live for you, Alexis you are an amazing person and you deserve a love just as amazing." I nodded and listened to Spike's advice. I couldn't tell if he was telling me to go for it or wait for him. That only made this even more confusing, as if I didn't have enough in my head.