Crane tightened his grip onto her and helped as she climbed the front steps onto the porch and through the doorway of her home.
It had been almost 14 days since Abbie had set foot inside. 14 days since her life was almost snuffed out from underneath her by a criminal who seemed to have a vendetta against her.
"I got it, Crane." She said, a smile forming on her face. "I may have been shot, but I still have use of my legs."
He quickly let go of her as she moved slowly towards the kitchen, holding herself up onto the counters.
"I apologize, Leftanent." He said abashedly. "I was just trying to provide assistance where I thought you could use it."
She watched as Jenny followed in through the doorway. "Oh hush up, Crane. You didn't do anything wrong. Abbie just doesn't like to feel she needs anyone's help." Jenny quipped. "Do you Abbie?"
"Ugh." Abbie said, leaving the kitchen to go sit on the couch in the living room. "That is not it. I just… For the past two weeks I have been poked and prodded and had doctors constantly telling me what I can't do."
She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. "But now I'm home. And no one is allowed to boss me around in my own house."
Crane cleared his throat, causing both Jenny and Abbie to look over at him. "Well, Leftenant, while that may be the case, I am certainty here to make sure you follow doctor's orders so you can have a quick and easy time getting back to 100%."
Jenny laughed and nodded. "Yup. Crane is right. You may be home but we still are looking over you. Speaking of which… do you want me to move in to help you these next few weeks. I mean I know you're better but you're still going to need help with some things."
"No." Abbie said emphatically. "Look guys, I appreciate it. I do. But I am fine. And hey, when I'm not, I'll ask for help. Ok?"
Jenny and Crane looked at each other, unspoken banter going back and forth between them pertaining to Abbie's stubbornness but neither of them disagreed.
"Ok. Good. So now, what I'm going to do is get some sleep, in my own bed, but not before I take a shower to wash the nastiness of the last two weeks off of me from that hospital."
They watched as she got up, though painstakingly without help, from the couch and headed to her room.
Jenny looked over at Crane and approached him.
"So… have you and Abbie spoken at all about your fight that morning?" She asked, knowing the answer already.
"We have not, Ms. Jenny." Crane said, looking down towards the ground. "With all the commotion and craziness of the past two weeks, I have not been afforded the opportunity to discuss this delicate matter with the Leftanent."
She nodded and pursed her lips before speaking again.
"Ok, well don't wait too long Crane." She said as she grabbed her keys and stood at the door. "Tomorrow is not promised."
….
Crane looked out upon the darkness of the night and sipped his whiskey slowly. Jenny's earlier words circulating through his mind like a tornado.
This had been the first night in two weeks having the Leftanent back in their residence. Peaceful rest should have come easy to him. But it did not. And now he found himself up at 2am with no hint of ever going to bed that night.
It had been two weeks since their fight and two weeks since he had spoken, albeit in her unconscious state, just how sorry he was to the Leftanent. But since she had awakened, he had found it hard to broach the subject with her. He wanted so desperately to get down on his knees and beg for her forgiveness. Beg for her to trust him again even though his actions proved untrustworthy. He wondered quite often if she still held onto the same feelings she had voiced that morning. The feelings of abandonment from him that played into her fears growing up with her mother and father.
Crane never wanted to be that person in her life. The one that reminded her that the world was a cruel, cruel place. He wanted to be the beacon of light. Of hope. And even if he swore to be that all the days to come, he could not undo what he had previously done.
He took another sip of his liquor and heard a noise, immediately looking over to the door as it opened slowly and she stepped out onto the porch.
"Leftanent", he said surprisingly. "What are you doing up at such an hour, are you ok?"
"Calm down, Crane", she said as she stepped closer to where he stood. "I couldn't sleep so I came out and saw you out here."
She sat down on the swing next to him and reached her hand out towards his drink.
"Leftanent, you really shouldn't drink with the medicine you've been taking."
"I stopped taking medicine almost 4 days ago Crane. I'd rather go through the pain then get hooked on something for weeks to come." She said as he lifted his drink towards her and watched her take a nice sized gulp.
"Damn, Crane. You opened up the good stuff. What's on your mind that's got you up at 2am?"
He looked up at her and smiled. "Honestly, Leftanent, I thought tonight's sleep would come easy to me. You are here, finally home after two weeks. Getting better by the minute… Yet, I have a million and more thoughts racing through my mind that won't allow rest to be a companion tonight."
She looked over at him, soft eyes lit by the moon's illuminance, and bit her lip.
"Crane…. We haven't spoken about what I said to you that morning." She said softly, looking over at him for a reaction.
"Leftanent, I know. And it should not have gone this long without a conversation. I just…. The regret I feel for what I did to you. The pain I caused you. It is an embarrassment and huge disappointment to my soul."
"Crane, stop." She said, causing him to look at her quizzically.
"I heard your voice… in the hospital", she said softly, unsure and hesitant. "I heard everything you said."
Crane took in a deep breath. She had heard him. His words that she was the most important thing in his world. His words of how deeply he felt for her. He looked down sheepishly, not wanting to see the expression in her eyes for fear of what it may resemble.
He heard her sigh before she spoke.
"Did you mean it?" She asked quietly, forcing him to look back upon her. There were tears in her eyes now.
"Yes." He said back to her, his voice unwavering. "With everything that I am."
"I was a coward, Abbie. When I left, I was not able to process the emotions I felt for killing Katrina. And most of all the emotions that I felt for you. I did not know how to deal with it all. So I left. And until my last breath, it will be the action that I hold with the most disgust and regret in my life."
"Abbie, will there ever be a time where you feel you could forgive me?"
A tear spilled down her face as she looked into his eyes, seeing them also filled with tears.
"I already have, Crane." She said softly, allowing a moan to escape from his lips at her words. Words he never thought he would hear.
"I am unsure of what I ever did to deserve you in my life, Abigail Mills." He said, looking down into his hands. "And I want you to know how much I care for you. How much of a requirement you are to my life."
"Crane… please don't…" She said, getting up suddenly from the chair beside him and turning to head back inside the house.
Crane shot up and grabbed her hand, not letting her leave before he said what he had promised himself she needed to hear.
"Do you not wish to hear of my true affection for you, Leftanent." He said as his hands held onto hers firmly, not letting go.
She turned to face him, her eyes pleading with his. "Crane… Our bond is sacred to me. More sacred than anything I have in my life. And our affection for each other… it's to be expected. We are Partners. Witnesses. Friends."
"Abbie, I love you." He said suddenly, the enormity of his statement cutting through the crisp night air.
She sighed, opening her lips slightly. "And I love you too, Crane. But…"
He cut her off. "Abigail Mills, I am in love with you."
He watched as her eyes grew wild. Her hand pulling back from his suddenly and harshly as her lips parted slightly in shock.
They stood there, both silent, as seconds passed. Staring into each other's eyes as both of their chests heaved heavily.
"Crane… I can't…."
"I know. I know these words are ones that should never come from my lips. But you wanted to truly understand why I left. And I can not provide the truth without allowing myself to admit these truths."
He took a step closer to her and saw her step back in defense.
"Leftanent, you once told me that I didn't have a choice… when I killed Katrina. But that was a lie…" His voice trailed off. "I've always had a choice and that choice has always been you, Abbie."
"Crane…" She pleaded but he continued on.
"I realized in that moment how deep my feelings for you were. And I also knew that those feelings were not shared by you. Not in the way that I craved…. " Her eyes rose up to meet his suddenly. "So I left."
"And that mistake will never be one that will be committed by me again, Leftanent. I do not speak this to you in want of an answer back. I speak this to you so you understand that the very depths, the very pit of my existence revolves around you. Your happiness."
"What I desire most in this world is not a physical yearning upon which I can not have. What I desire most is just to be a part of your life, your presence. With that, I am satisfied."
Abbie closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, opening them back up to find him watching her profusely.
"Crane, I was lost without you, finding my way somewhere along the line after a few months but never really finding my happiness. Not even with my position within the Bureau.
"I hope you understand how deeply my affection runs for you too. But as for more…"
Crane walked over to where she stood and placed a finger on her lips. Bowing down heavily to bid her adieu for the evening. He stood back up and watched a slow smile spread across her face.
"I spoke before of not needing a response back from you. Goodnight, Leftanent." He said softly as she looked at him incredulously.
Abbie stared back at her partner. Her mind still trying to process his words that evening and what they meant for their future. But in that moment, she knew whatever the outcome would be, they'd be together. And that's what mattered most.
"Goodnight, Ichabod." She said quietly, a smile on her face as she turned to go back into the house.
He watched her leave, his fingers still stinging from where he had touched her lips.
He knew this conversation would not be the last he and the Leftanent would have on this subject. And he closed his eyes, hoping her rare usage of his first name gave meaning, hope of possibilities in the future.