Happy birthday giftfic for Waaty of tumblr.
There's this official art of Kaworu in a black-and-white outfit with a bare stomach (he looks way too thin), a short black jacket-thing and a cross necklace. It reminded me of Misato's look, and made me think of how Dr. Katsuragi is one of the possible sources of Kaworu's Lilim genes.
Misato hates angels, but given what Misato knows, she has every reason to hate them. There's a difference between 'these things are trying to murder the people I care about, or worse' and being a hateful person.
A huge explosion. Her father, dead. Adrift in a capsule off (what was left of?) Antarctica.
It was cold, there was no food and little to no chance of rescue.
There was also a baby.
A baby her father jammed in her arms before taking her arm, dragging her along towards the capsule. She hadn't understood. She still didn't understand. Why was there a baby? No one would have brought a baby. Someone had mentioned that the Mrs. Dr. Ikari was pregnant, but she'd left well over a week ago (possibly because someone heard the rumor), and then her husband left yesterday to join her.
Who would bring a baby here?
The same kind of person who would drag a child here, to the very literal middle of nowhere?
Oh my god, Misato realized, staring down at the baby as it cooed and snuggled against her, or rather her parka. The baby with his (or her, Misato wasn't going to unwrap it to find out, not when it was so cold in here) pale lavender hair. He was cheating on my mother.
"Hurry and get in!" a young male voice called to Shinji, opening the driver's seat without stopping the car, keeping pace with Shinji as he ran away from the, the thing and the explosions as the helicopters fired missiles at it fruitlessly.
Shinji flung himself in through the door, recovering a moment later enough to say, "Thanks."
The young man wearing a school uniform (wait, a middle school uniform?) nodded. "My sister had to go to NERV because of the angel attack. She sent me to pick you up."
"Mi, Misato Katsuragi?" Shinji asked, remembering the name from the photograph.
A nod and, "I'm Katsuragi Kaworu," he introduced himself, facing away from the road long enough to smile at Shinji before quickly turning back, focusing on the road and swerving to avoid the rubble. "Call me Kaworu?"
"You can drive?" Shinji asked, bracing himself against the hood and his chair. Wearing a middle school uniform, and he could drive? Or was Shinji safer getting out of the car? "And I'm Shinji Ikari. You can call me Shinji." Maybe it was the adrenaline, but he'd never been so familiar with anyone before.
"Not… legally," Kaworu said with an apologetic smile. Yeah, he looked a little older than Shinji, but even without the uniform he was nowhere near old enough to get a license. "But she's the Operations Commander, so she had to hurry in when the angel appeared, and no one else made any arrangements to pick you up."
Before Shinji could say 'that's just like my father,' the shockwave (Misato later told them it was an N2 mine) picked up the car and hurled the two of them through the air.
"Are you alright?" Shinji heard over the ringing in his ears. It helped that Kaworu's mouth was so close to his ears, and a weird little shiver went through Shinji at that. He might have noticed if he wasn't already shuddering: that was too close.
"I'm fine. Thank you," he said, because if Kaworu hadn't leaned over and grabbed him almost instantly? Kaworu was still wrapped around him and "Are you alright?" Shinji asked, because those had been some nasty bumps.
"I'll be fine," Kaworu told him. "Can you reach the door handle?"
"Um, let me see if I can get turned around," Shinji said, squirming in Kaworu's arms.
They tumbled out onto the grassy hill.
"I hope the car's alright," Kaworu said once they'd righted themselves, sounding more than a little dazed. "My sister still has payments left on it."
"It's really impressive. That you saved me like that," Shinji said, blushing.
"It was nothing," Kaworu said. "Just reflex."
The way he smiled, though… Shinji might have kept trying to make him acknowledge the compliment, but the smile was already making him feel a little funny, so it was a relief when Kaworu said, "Would you mind helping me turn the car over? We still have to get you to NERV."
It took them a few shoves to get enough momentum: Shinji had to watch Kaworu to get the timing of the shoves right.
Both of them looked at each other with delight when the engine started. Shinji looked away first, but he didn't stop smiling. Not when there was a real geofront!
And, "A giant robot?" a real giant robot?
Shinji stared up at it as a young woman in scuba gear surfaced. "Where is Misato?" Kaworu asked her.
"She got lost: Dr. Akagi went to go get her. Are you the Third Child?" she asked him.
"No, I'm Misato's little brother, Kaworu," he told her, holding out a hand. "This is Shinji Ikari."
She tried to wipe off the gunk on her hand before taking his. "Maya, Maya Ibuki. I work for Dr. Akagi."
"There you are!" a cheerful voice called from behind them. "Alright, Shinji, time to get you suited up!"
"Suited up?" Shinji asked, confused.
The purple-haired woman nodded. "Yes, to pilot."
"To pilot?" Blinking, Shinji suddenly noticed the blonde woman standing by the one that was looking at him expectantly. She was glaring, not at Shinji off to his side, where Kaworu and Maya were. Was she angry at her subordinate for some reason? Why would anyone glare at Kaworu? No, it wasn't just a glare, but an expression of distaste.
Like the expression of distaste on his father's face, looking down at Shinji, ordering him to pilot the Eva-thing.
Like the way the blonde woman looked at the poor injured girl when she was wheeled in.
"So, I'm Misato Katsuragi, and this is my little brother Kaworu," she told him in the locker room. "It looks like you'll be living with us!"
Kaworu smiled at him from behind the blindingly-cheerful Misato, a warm smile, a smile glad that Shinji was alive and would be coming home with them, and it let Shinji smile back instead of being too overwhelmed by everything that just happened to be properly thankful.
He wanted to thank them for giving him a place to stay.
Even if the place was a pigsty. And dinner was convenience store food.
Well, he thought, that just made it really obvious what he could do to thank them. And the penguin was really cute.
Touji slammed back against the wall, Kaworu standing over him, shaking out his fist and then, staring into Touji's eyes, slowly and ostentatiously cracking a few knuckles.
"Whoa, chill!" the boy with the glasses tried to say, holding up his hands, but he was clearly too intimidated to try to get between the two of them.
"Shinji didn't hurt your sister. Shinji saved your sister. He saved everyone. He's the only reason either of you are alive right now," Kaworu said. Then he smiled and the air of danger was all the more pronounced for suddenly being gone, replace by the same warm, comforting feeling he'd given Shinji even in the car while he swerved around, desperately trying not to get them killed. "Are you alright, Shinji?"
Shinji nodded. "I'm fine. Thank you." Even though it was a little embarrassed to be saved.
"I grew up with my sister on military bases," Kaworu said, and Kensuke's eyes widened. Was it with excitement? "She taught me how to fight, and she wouldn't be very pleased with me if I let someone who didn't know any better injure a hero."
A… a hero?
Eva piloting was painful, it, it was horrible. But he'd saved everyone's lives? And Kaworu called him a hero? People would praise him for this, even if Touji'd punched him instead?
"No, we're not kicking you out, Shinji," Misato said, giving Asuka a 'we'll talk more later, young lady,' look. "But," Kaworu's sister pushed her hands together and looked at him with deliberate pleading apologetic cuteness before bowing. "Asuka does need somewhere to stay. Would you mind sharing Kaworu's room?" She opened a single eye, peeking at him to gauge his reaction.
"You can't sleep on the floor every night," Kaworu told him. "What if you were injured because your back was stiff? You should have the bed."
"I can't put you out of your bed, Kaworu."
Kaworu glanced at it, and then at him. "Maybe we could share it? My sister brought rather large beds for both of us." When he saw Shinji's blush deepen, he added. "She moves around in her sleep quite a bit, and didn't want to roll off the edge."
"I don't think I do?" Shinji wondered, though. "But, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it."
"Is this… really okay?" Shinji asked, looking down at the plastic rectangle in his hand.
"If you're old enough to save the world, you're old enough to drink!" Misato told him.
"That's my contribution to this evening," Kaji said with a smile at the fake ID, glancing at Misato before deciding the best course of valor was to fling his arm over Kaworu's shoulders instead. "My little bro here didn't want you to be left out."
Misato almost glared at him, because while it was cute of him to call Kaworu that when there was a real possibility that Kaji might become Kaworu's brother-in-law... but ignoring her and Kaji's relationship status for now, "Kaworu, can you help Shinji get something to wear?" she asked, opening her pocketbook and handing Kaworu a wad of cash. "I'll take Asuka shopping."
"What?" Asuka asked. "I'm not like Shinji! I can dress myself, and I brought plenty of clothes!" Too many to fit in Shinji's room.
"Fashion changes fast in Tokyo-2," Misato told her. "We're going clubbing, remember? I even managed to twist Ritsuko's arm and make her promise to bring Rei."
"But there's no way I can pass for old enough to drink!" Shinji said as Kaworu hummed to himself, pulling clothes off the rack. It was one thing to say that in front of Misato and Kaji, when Misato was so enthusiastic and Kaji was impossible to argue with, but Kaworu was good at listening.
"We'll be going to bars Misato and Kaji know," Kaworu told him. "Enforcement is lax to nonexistent since Second Impact. We'll be fine."
He turned, holding two small jackets up to gauge the color, and Shinji noticed the cross necklace on his chest. He didn't think Kaworu would wear something like that just for a fashion statement.
"Oh, the necklace?" Kaworu asked him, after looking down to see what Shinji was staring at. It seemed like he could always tell when Shinji was looking at him: it made Shinji more than a little self-conscious, especially when he looked at Kaworu so often. "Our father gave that to Misato, along with me. So she thought I should have it."
"Oh. Do you drink, Kaworu?"
He shook his head. "Not really. I started going to keep her company after she broke up with Kaji. She shouldn't drink alone." Kaworu put one of the jackets back, then nodded. "Would you mind trying these on?"
"But…"
That head tilted. Kaworu looked concerned and ready to listen. Always willing to listen. "What's bothering you, Shinji?"
"I appreciate that you're helping me, Kaworu, but I'm just going to look silly. You look great, but I couldn't wear something like that." Not in a million years.
Kaworu put his hand on Shinji's shoulder, and Shinji couldn't help letting himself being coaxed into giving it a try.
"The pin-striped shirt underneath everything? Really?" Kaworu looked a little unhappy, but Shinji nodded, prepared to insist. He liked wearing white and black to match Kaworu's black and white, but leaving his stomach bare the way Kaworu did? Everyone would see that he wasn't um… He didn't look anywhere near as good as Kaworu, even with all the training to be an Eva pilot.
Kaworu was right that he should try new things, and he wanted to try to pretend to be brave, for Kaworu's sake. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as Eva piloting, right? The worst thing that could happen was Asuka laughing at him. It wasn't like Kaworu, Misato, Rei and everyone would die if he couldn't look good in the latest fashion or tripped over his own two feet, trying to dance.
When Kaworu offered dancing lessons, Shinji thought that would mean Kaworu's hand on his waist, guiding him through slow steps, not standing back a little and watching Kaworu move. He tried not to recognize the feeling in his stomach as disappointment. It was even more work to ignore the other feeling, a little lower, when he looked at Kaworu's bare stomach.
His teacher did have to put his hand on Shinji's side, hold him a little, to coax him to dance after a display like that. "There's no way, Kaworu. I couldn't dance like that. Not as good as you," Shinji said, shaking his head violently.
When she woke up, there was a cold cloth on her forehead and a glass held to her lips. She drank. Her little brother was about as good in the kitchen as she was, but the one thing he had learned how to make was a hangover remedy. Not that her head was aching that badly, not when Kaworu had hovered in a rough circle around her, Kaji and Ritsuko.
Misato groaned. "You should have been having fun with Shinji, not making sure I drank water."
"I had fun," he told her. "Shinji did too, after he stopped being nervous."
Shinji, stop being nervous? "Did Kaji…"
"Shinji's fine this morning, so I think I managed to keep Kaji from slipping him anything."
Misato might have asked, 'what about you?' remembering Kaji's 'joking' attempts to get Kaworu drunk, but now she'd met Rei. Now she knew that Kaji was up to something. That he might have reasons besides a good laugh to get Kaworu drunk, or even drug him.
But she wasn't going to say anything, and Kaworu wasn't. If he even knew.
She hoped that he didn't know. That she'd managed to protect him from that. From what SEELE told her, what her father had done… The only reason they'd let her keep him instead of locking him away in some lab, like whatever had left Rei so quiet and withdrawn. He wanted to stay with her, and if they tried to separate him from Misato by force, his powers might awaken. Again. So the only solution was to let both of them go.
After trying to destroy the angel that infected the testing units, observing the way it had evolved to get around the oxygen, the way angels healed: maybe they were right that drugging him or even lobotomizing him wouldn't hold him for long.
Raise him to believe that he's a human, they'd told her. Raise him so he cares about humans. Might even fight for us, if the Evas don't work. Until…
She didn't want him to know. She wanted him to enjoy the time he had, not think that he was a monster and better off dead.
"So," she said, sitting up and stretching. "You had fun with Shinji, did you?"
Kaworu looked down a little, almost demure in his happiness. Something private and personal, held close to his heart, even if she was his sister.
"So you like him?" she asked. "Like him like him?"
He glowed, that was the only way she could describe it. Had she ever looked like that? That first week with Kaji, when she hadn't left their apartment even to attend class and Kaji had wandered out into the kitchen naked to get the lunches and dinners Kaworu left for them when he went off to school and stayed late with the school orchestra. It was like that.
Except Kaworu was still functional. And he wasn't getting laid, so this wasn't even afterglow.
He was her little brother, but Shinji was a pilot. There were two others and they might find more, so it wasn't as though he would have to do the deed. But Shinji was a pilot, and saving the world, and if he fell in love with Kaworu, then it would hurt him when the inevitable happened. She should be looking out for Shinji, for her fellow human. Lilim. Whatever. Should worry about keeping him able to fight.
But her little brother, with his sunset eyes and death-pale skin, was in love.
Just a few days ago, Misato was wondering if she should find some way of carefully warning Shinji, some way of nudging him away from Kaworu a little without kicking him or Asuka out (which would have disastrous consequences for their team's performance, and she certainly wasn't going to let her little brother move out when there might only be months or even weeks left), but 'it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,' right?
"Come 'ere," she said, tugging Kaworu towards her as she fell back down from her sitting position onto the futon. He let her catch him, settling against her side and that was when she realized, "You're still in the clothes from last night."
A happy silence, and maybe she was wrong about the afterglow. "We should throw a party," she said, feeling like she was back in college again for a happy moment.
Except Kaworu and Shinji weren't college age, were they?
"When we went to bed, Shinji wouldn't let me get up to change," he told her. So no. It looked like her little brother might still die a virgin.
"I thought you said Kaji didn't slip him anything?"
"No." That was correct. "The drinks he gave Asuka when she demanded something adult weren't alcoholic. She insisted that Shinji and Rei keep pace with her."
"Ah," Misato realized. "Is that when Rei got bubbles up her nose?"
"She hadn't had anything sweet to drink before, not except juice." So carbonation was new to her. Kaworu laughed, far from unkindly. "Asuka was disappointed Rei figured out the Ramune bottle so quickly."
"Smart girl," Misato agreed. As smart as Kaworu? The angel that attacked their computer systems' rapid adaptation might have been more daunting if she wasn't prepared for it. If anything, it was a relief that the others were so dumb compared to Kaworu. He soaked up knowledge like a sponge and she'd honestly lost track of how many languages he'd learned. It was a relief when he discovered music: music took practice, and experimentation. There were infinite variations. Now there was Shinji to play with, Asuka on violin and Rei was learning the viola.
Quickly, Misato was sure of it. Would Kaworu notice it? The difference between Rei and all the other musicians he'd practiced with, at a dozen different schools? Had he noticed how alike they were? "Kaworu," she said, trying to sound nonchalant. "What do you think of Rei?"
A moment, and "The two of us are the same," he said, because the alternative was to lie. So for how long now had he been lying by omission? "She only recently discovered what it is to smile, thanks to Shinji."
"So, she's," and Misato found she couldn't say it, because if 'like Kaworu' meant 'angel' then that was admitting, was confirming, that Kaworu was an angel.
"She is not your enemy," Kaworu said, with a note of sadness there. "She is not an existence that must perish… no, she is an existence that must not perish, because if she dies, all the life that originates from her will end. She does not remember her true nature, and I have not told her, but her soul is that of Lilith, mother of the Lilim. Your mother." Misato's, and not Kaworu's.
"How long have you known?" she asked him, the arm wrapped around him reaching up a little, feeling the chain of her father's necklace. Their father's necklace.
"I figured it out before they released us," he told her. "They were keeping you locked up, you were going mad with it. Because of me. I had to understand why they were doing this in order to make them stop. I had to let them think that I would do their bidding when the time came. My compliance was the condition for your release."
"Compliance?"
"With their plan for instrumentality," he said, voice suddenly full of contempt. "Don't worry, I won't go through with it. I'll die first. …Somehow."
"The Human Instrumentality Project? That thing Kaji's investigating, along with what really happened in Second Impact?" What really happened at the Katsuragi Expedition. How her father killed billions of people by awakening Adam and releasing the angels. All of them scattered across the world except Kaworu. What if, what if they were caught too? Were they just like Kaworu? Was she killing children… No, was she making Shinji, Rei and Asuka kill children, just to clean up her father's mess?
Kaworu froze, startled. Was there something he'd assumed that she knew? "Shinji made breakfast for us," he said, obviously changing the subject.
"It would be a shame to let that get cold. And I need a drink." That was enough revelations for one day, surely. If Kaworu didn't want to talk about it, she wasn't going to make him. Not when it might make him upset.
He had so little time left, just until they killed the other angels: that song he liked, about how life was full of joy. She didn't want to take even a moment of that away from him. Ruin it for him.
Then Touji was selected as the Fourth Child.
"Kaworu, Kaworu's an angel?"
"Ha! I knew something was wrong with him." Asuka wasn't crowing, Misato told herself. She was just glad that she was right, not glad that Kaworu's reward for saving Touji was being declared Public Enemy Number One. "No one's that happy all the time, not unless they've got something up their sleeve."
Rei was silent, watching. Was she aware that how the other pilots reacted to Kaworu would tell her how they would react to her?
"I'm not going to attack him!" Shinji said fiercely. "You can't make me attack him! First Touji, and then Kaworu…" How could his father order him to kill them!
"I'm on your side, Shinji," Misato told him. "Kaworu likes you. It shouldn't be you." Kaworu shouldn't have to die at the hands of the boy he loved.
"Or his desire to merge with Shinji might weaken his AT field," Ritsuko spoke up, ignoring Misato's glare in favor of a drag on her cigarette.
That didn't sound like a sudden inspiration. That sounded like a plan. The Commander's plan?
"And his… human emotions," Ritsuko added, although if this was an attempt to mollify Misato than the way she handled human emotions with tongs, clearly refusing to believe there was any such thing in Kaworu's heart, "might make him hesitate to kill Shinji. But the Magi believe the angels are attacking in order, from oldest to youngest. So you'll have some time to prepare for what you have to do." And Misato, Ritsuko's unsympathetic gaze said, had years to prepare.
But there was no point in ordering him killed on sight, in forcing him to run. Forcing him to spend his last months, last weeks a fugitive, unable to see her, to see Shinji. And Ritsuko didn't care? Even if she didn't care about the angel, didn't she understand what her little brother meant to Misato?!
How, how had Misato failed to see what her friend had become?
"I have to say thanks," Kaji said as he leaned back in the driver's seat, because blocking that bullet had saved his life. "But they saw you, and that AT field must have been detected, this close to NERV."
"Misato would cry, if you died," the angel answered, looking out the window.
"Same to you," Kaji reminded him, lighting a cigarette as another search party drove by. "Sure you can fool the cameras? Rits'll be having the Magi keep a close eye on them."
"Yes." Kaworu closed his eyes.
Like the other angel, huh? And that one hadn't read Ritsuko's college textbooks, wouldn't have known how human computers worked from the beginning.
Good to know, Kaji thought, shaking out the match. "I came across something you might want to know. Or rather, it's something SEELE wanted me to pass on to Misato." Which just begged the question of what explanation he was going to give Misato for knowing all that and really, the order to kidnap the Vice Commander wasn't the first clue he had that SEELE was going to have him killed in a few days, maybe a week tops. So no reason not to rescue the Vice Commander, see if he'd get anything out of it. If the old guy was telling the truth, then Kaji now had the mother lode, provided he lived long enough to read it. Speaking of living long enough, "They think Shinji's the only one that can kill you. Shinji, not just Unit 01. The dummy system won't work for this: that's why they're trying to get him reinstated as a pilot even though the Commander wants the dummy system."
Silence, and it was just wrong to see Misato's little brother, with his smiles and his mania for music and whatever caught his fancy, seem so listless. To see him look out into the distance, longing with every fiber of his being for something out of sight. Or was it out of sight, for an angel? Could he see him, but not touch him?
Kaji put a hand on his shoulder. "You okay?"
"No," Kaworu said, and took a deep breath. "I'm glad you're safe." It's good to have someone here, Kaji read in that. "Is there somewhere safe for you to go?"
"Is there anywhere on this planet that's safe?" When the angels were still coming, and SEELE and NERV both had their own plans?
A smile, and "Touche."
A hum on the beach, a breathtakingly familiar sound and, "Kaworu! It's not safe for you to be here!" But Shinji was still so happy to see him!
To see that familiar smile, and "It seems I've been declared the Fifth Child." With Asuka's Eva unresponsive and Rei's destroyed along with the last angel, they must be desperate.
"I'm glad," Shinji said. "That you can go home. Misato's really missed you. We all have."
"I've missed you too," and how could Kaworu be anything but human? It was ridiculous. Even if he did have an AT field.
He was the kindest person Shinji knew. If he didn't deserve to live, then who did?
The two of them that night, just the two of them after Misato let them go to bed, telling them to watch the house while she was gone searching for Asuka.
The two of them, in that safe, warm darkness, and the warmth of Kaworu's hands and he was so human, perfectly human, and "What's wrong?"
"I, I think this is," Kaworu drew in a breath. "So that's what it's like."
"What what's like?"
"I'm fine now," Kaworu assured him, but no, he wasn't fine.
"Tell me," Shinji begged, and Kaworu couldn't refuse him.
"It's passed for now, but Kaji was right. I'm the next angel." His hands found Shinji's face, and Shinji wondered if he could see in the dark. Could see how Shinji's face had paled, so afraid for Kaworu. "I'm so happy that I met you, and Misato. Because of the two of you, my life had meaning."
"I wish," Shinji's breath hitched, "Isn't there something, anything I can do?" He was so useless! An Eva pilot, but it took Kaworu to save Touji and Asuka? "Why didn't you save Rei?" he asked, because there had to be a reason, Kaworu wouldn't have just let someone die. Never.
"Because she could have saved herself," Kaworu answered Shinji. "And she chose not to. I thought that she would use her AT field," instead of dying in front of Shinji. "I didn't realize that she was about to die until it was over."
"Rei has an AT field?" Shinji asked, and remembered the room full of vessels. Spare Reis. "Rei's like you?" An angel? Rei was alive again, even if she wasn't quite the same, so maybe, maybe Kaworu wouldn't die?
"No. She is Lilith. Her existence is not incompatible with yours. Shinji, it is my fate to either die or live eternally, at the cost of every life on this planet. I do not want to murder billions of people, to destroy their lives, hopes, dreams, chances of finding happiness."
"So you want me to kill you." How could Kaworu ask that of him, Shinji wanted to demand. No, whine. Because didn't Kaworu have the right to ask it of him? When Kaworu was his best friend. Shouldn't he trust that Kaworu wouldn't ask this of him if there was any other way? "Is that really what you want?" he finally said, knowing how plaintive it sounded.
"It isn't." Of course he wouldn't want to hurt Shinji and Misato. "But my only alternative…" How could gentle, kind Kaworu live with killing so many people? Billions of times worse than Shinji would have felt if Kaworu hadn't saved him from killing Touji. "I wish I didn't have to ask it of you, but I must. If only… If I had a single wish…"
"What, Kaworu?" Shinji asked, hoping it wouldn't just be 'to live with Shinji.' He wished there was something that he could grant.
"Misato told me about something that people do in order to feel connected to each other. To give each other memories that let them forget their loneliness." Those delicate fingers stroking Shinji's cheek, and he couldn't do anything but lean into them. "I want to stay here, just like this. I want you to remember this night, Shinji. If I can't stay with you for the rest of your life, then please. Let me give you a memory, to stay with you always." A memory of being loved. The knowledge that someone loved him.
It shouldn't be sweet, but it just was, with Shinji stroking Kaworu's hair and peering at him so worriedly, hoping the medications would take effect despite Kaworu's angelic ability to adapt.
Misato thought they would. Angels adapted to survive threats, the assaults of enemies, and Shinji wasn't Kaworu's enemy. Kaworu couldn't, wouldn't resist when it was Shinji.
Ritsuko's scan had located Kaworu's core. They had a miniature prog knife that would penetrate the bone and destroy it in a fraction of a second, before even angelic reflexes could push Shinji away: angelic reflex was to use the AT field, and the blade would already be inside Kaworu's body.
Over in an instant, but Shinji still hoped that Kaworu would go to sleep first. So he wouldn't have to feel, wouldn't have to see, before Shinji plunged the blade into him, and aargh, how could her dirty mind do this to her, turning this into some kind of metaphor now of all times.
Kaworu's body didn't disintegrate into LCL.
That almost made it worse, because she knew it wouldn't be returned to her, or Shinji. They wouldn't be able to give him a real funeral, give Shinji one last chance to see him, to say goodbye. He'd be cut up in Ritsuko's lab and it was just. Not. Right.
Good thing her specialty was coming up with crazy operations plans.
"So," Kaji said, leaning against the box he'd just opened with a magician's flourish. "It's not a diamond, but several billion years is a good chunk of forever, right?"
"Proposal accepted," Misato said, completely aware that Kaji hadn't actually intended this to be a proposal, as she reached out to touch the white head of hair, in the center of the office of the late Gendo Ikari.
Puzzled red eyes blinked at her. Were there already traces of recognition in their depths?
"Misato?" Shinji asked, coming in. "Asuka's finished hauling the MPEvas out of… Kaworu!"
Misato opened her mouth to warn him not to slip on the blood, but he was already there, flinging his arms around Kaworu hard enough to topple both him and the shipping crate Kaji'd brought him in to the floor.
Rei followed Shinji in more sedately, and stopped near the edge of the crate, peering down with a sense of curiosity. Not intense curiosity, but the interest someone stopping to smell the roses had in the scent of the flowers. The interest Shinji's sister had in her brother's happiness.
Giftfics are normally a thousand words. It is a missed moment of awesome to not show what Misato pulled off, but I was already way over budget and I've got other fics to complete: my apologies. I should have done just 'the pilots go clubbing,' but I like my plot too much, sadly. I had to include at least an abbreviated version. Hence, this. I hope my readers, and waaty, like it.
In canon, Misato doesn't know what's going on, and you can't make plans if you don't know what you're dealing with. She doesn't see all the hints because she doesn't want to see them: she wants to fight angels, she wants the Evaverse to be on the same location on the Sliding Scale of Idealism Vs. Cynicism as your standard giant robot show. Then, she has to play catchup at the last minute, with Kaji already dead. And, frankly, she does a pretty good job acting fast, finding out more and so on, she's just up against a huge conspiracy with a limited time frame. Too late. Misato is the other protagonist of NGE, the adult who believes in the dream. Not the Otaku power harem fantasy dream Anno despised, but the heroic parts of giant robot anime, the core that got perverted by the manchildren into something that objectified and destroyed children like Shinji and Asuka instead of empowering them.
I really should give Misato her due, but she deserves an epic and I've got too many incomplete fics as it is.
As you can see, I decided to go with non-rebooting in this one too. I don't know why I have yet to do a single rebooting fic for this collection.
Kaworu wasn't an active duty soldier, so he doesn't have Misato's instinct for when air support's about to use a big one. He's still a military brat, due to being dragged around by her to various UN bases. Here he picked up Misato's attitude towards sex as well as her fashion sense.
Kaworu in the second rough draft of the episode, the first one Anno was involved with, was placed with a host family and had scars on his wrists due to 'family troubles,' although it's also implied he was trying to kill himself so he wouldn't destroy the world : unfortunately, Shinji is the only one who can kill him for some reason. This is anime!Kaworu instead of second draft, though, or else I would have put it in Among the Branches, which will be a collection of oneshots about versions of Kaworu other than Rebuild, Anime and Manga whenever I get around to doing a second (the one in there now is Campus Apocalypse!Kaworu – This Alien Shore is my mangaworu/babyworu collection).