A.N.: It was not intended from the get-go that I would use a song in this chapter, much less the song used. Jimmie's epiphany about the song are my own. That's why he's very out of character in this scene. And so cheesy. And fluffy. And unbearable adorable. And perfect, almost. Sorry.

No owning of HSM here. Nor the owning of the song Beauty in the Breakdown by the Scene Aesthetic.

rocketman

I had shot her a glare I hoped would convey the message running through my head: "You're completely wrong about me, and I'm going to prove you wrong if it's the last thing I do." Then I turned back around and headed into the hallway.

I'd seen her cry. I'd seen her breakdown into tears because of a song. A irrelevantly beautiful song. Sung by an irrelevantly beautiful girl. I'd seen Beauty in the breakdown. And as that thought crossed my mind, I realized just how well that song fit the moment. I had an idea. I looked to the theatre doors, seeing Kelsi leave, and then I walked back over. Nikki was all alone in the theatre. It'd be just her and me. No one else there to tell how I'd walked in and just burst into song. So I took a deep breath and walked inside, just in time to hear her singing again.

"So many things I had wanted to say, and all the ways I could have never said it," She started singing, having not playing the guitar along, just singing. She just nodded her head to a medium four-four tempo and kept going. "and I was hiding, sure, and I was fighting it all these years, that maybe there was something more, that maybe there could be something there, I'm so unaware…"

I couldn't bring myself to do it just yet. There was something about those lyrics. Something familiar. I guess because just five minutes ago I was trying to say something, anything. But then years. She'd said years. How she have been singing about what just happened if she said years? We'd only known each other since this year, right?

I ran out of the theatre again, opening my locker and pulling out my middle school yearbooks.

Sixth grade class: Nicole Carson, blonde hair, layered and shoulder length.

Seventh grade class: Nicole Carson, mid back brown-black hair, red tipped bangs.

Eighth grade class: Nicole Carson, short, SHORT hair, black boy cut, blue, putple and white strands all mixed together in her jagged asymmetrical bangs.

Then this year, light brown hair, side-swept bangs, I had no idea how long. But no wonder I never recognized her; She was always changing.

Years. Years and years and years I'd gone to school with her, and never known her, never seen her. How could I have managed that? I didn't even care anymore. I knew that this was probably a completely incorrect and egomaniacal assumption, but that song was about me, and I related. I related to a song about Nikki's feelings for me.

I felt the same way.

Running back to the auditorium, I slipped back in silently. She was crumpled on the stage, tears rolling down her cheeks again, just silently sitting there. And then she said ever so quietly, "All the ways I could kill myself."

"Come on, take a step towards me, so you can figure me out," I sang loudly, trying to snap her away from the thought. I didn't care that this was the most embossing thing I've ever done. I just cared that this girl was thinking about suicide, and I was the only one around to hear her. "I've been hoping and praying for a single way, to show you what I'm all about. And I know, and I know this is the only way of pleasing the crowds, but when this is over and done with and we walk away, there should be no doubts…" I continued, watching Nikki look up with bloodshot eyes and a tearstained face. She smiled slightly when she recognized the song, and she started playing along.

"So let's get a little closer now, let's get a little closer now," we sang together. I was walking towards the stage, and she was sitting around on the edge of the stage. Now, I have no idea about music or pitch or harmony, but I think we sounded pretty damn good together. And from the smile on Nicole's face, I think she did too.

"You say, you say that we're all tied up, and wrapped around in, useless states of mind,

but at the same time we're still young, we have the time to realize that we were wrong," we sang, her playing a little more passionately, like she actually felt the lyrics, lived the song. Like I felt right now.

Like I felt when I reached the edge of the stage, leaned forward, and kissed her.

nikki

"Come on, take a step towards me, so you can figure me out," I heard Jimmie sing loudly. I recognized the song. Beauty in the Breakdown. I gasped at the irony, how I had just had a breakdown, and here comes charging the source singing Beauty in the Breakdown. "I've been hoping and praying for a single way, to show you what I'm all about. And I know, and I know this is the only way of pleasing the crowds, but when this is over and done with and we walk away, there should be no doubts…" he continued singing. I looked up and watched him walk down the aisle singing this song I loved.

I got an idea, and smiled. Picking up the guitar, I played the chords of the song as we sang the chorus together. "So let's get a little closer now, let's get a little closer now." We actually sounded pretty good together. Harmonized rather well. I started playing a bit more into the song, strumming harder, dancing as well as I could, trying not to laugh as my smile stretched farther on my face.

"You say, you say that we're all tied up, and wrapped around in, useless states of mind,

but at the same time we're still young, we have the time to realize that we were wrong," we sang, and I noticed how close to the stage Jimmie had gotten over the course of the verse and chorus. There was a certain element in his smirk, like he had gotten me to feel something, like he'd gotten me to think like him. Something that made him feel more accomplished, I think. The only thing that had changed, though, was I had seen how Beauty in the Breakdown related so well to my life this particular day.

I had started thinking of my life as a soundtrack. Beauty in the Breakdown was my day today. What band brought tomorrow's song? I was living music now. It felt so weird, but so right. I started to wonder why I hadn't lived like this sooner. It was fun.

But then all thought processes stopped because I felt Jimmie's lips on mine. He was kissing me, right there in the middle of fourth period, right before band, on the stage in the auditorium, after I'd said I might be thinking about ways to kill myself.

Why, again, was I going to kill myself? I couldn't seem to recall any details about anything anymore. I knew I was sad. And I knew now I was confused and shocked but so meltingly complete that I would have burst into song if I had not been preoccupied kissing Jimmie Zara and had we not been singing a song before he kissed me.

That moment seemed to last a lifetime or longer, but in reality, our lips had probably only had contact for a little over a second. My heart was racing and I could barley breathe, and I knew that probably only the part of my brain that remembered that cigarettes are made of rat toes and stale herbs coated in rodent pee and bird poo wasn't melted, but I managed to strum again. Smiling, Jimmie pulled himself up onto the stage and sat next to me, and we sang again.

"Come on love run with me," he sang, and I started into the erratic strumming pattern in which I almost broke the high E and D strings on this guitar. "Get the hell out of this town," he told me, looking right at me, smile on his face. I started singing along again. "So we can get a better feel for each other, I'll take you back to when you, remembered how you used to, just live your life a little for me. Take the time to let it go, step away and watch me grow."

Music is an amazing thing, isn't it? It's so fun to just sit down here all alone. Just me and the Rocketman, just playing someone's guitar and singing together, and laughing, and kissing, and melting together. It sounds so cheesy, but it's kind of…magical. Just the way it can bring together two people who never really met until Freshman year until they're so close it's impossible for them to be two separate people.

"So let's get a little closer now, let's get a little closer now. You say, you say that we're all tied up, and wrapped around in useless, states of mind, but at the same time we're still young. We have the time to realize that we were wrong," we sang together, smiling so broadly it hurt. "You can stay if you want to, and I write to you and tell you how you've always been so special to me," Jimmie sang, and I saw that it was more him singing it to me, that him reciting the lyric to me. "You can stay if you want to, and I'll try."

"You can stay if you want to, and I write to you and tell you how you've always been so special to me," I sang this time, knowing that the same was happening with me. I wasn't singing the lyrics to a song. I was singing what I thought (granted, in the words of the Scene Asesthetic) from my heart. "You can stay if you want to, and I'll try."

"To keep you close to me," he sang. "To keep you close to me," I sang. "To keep you close to me," we sang together.

I love that word. Together.