Suspended
Disclaimer: Only the plot, the title and Hero belong to me
Chapter 2 is here for all those who've taken an early interest in my story. Enjoy.
"Yeah I know…" the words hung in the air around me like dust covered spider webs, winding and weaving within my still body, lacing around my heart tightly…too tightly, the words were crushing my battered heart. I fell forward onto my knees, my head bowed so that my thick curtain of raven coloured hair hid my face from no one…nothing…just me…yeah hiding from myself. That's normal…I think. Hiding away your true self from yourself because you're terrified what your true self might do if anyone apart from yourself seen it.
What had made me become this?
Oh yeah…her…them. They had forced me into this, this constant battle with myself, the constant sensation of killing myself inside over…and over again…for fear of losing control, for fear of hurting those who make me suffer. I must suffer alone to ensure the security of the rest. Why? I'm not so sure…I mean they cause me pain so why must I try and make them happy? Why do I have to put with it? No one cares, they don't care…she doesn't care.
I heaved myself off of my bruising knees, my body leaden by these festering thoughts plaguing my mind. I staggered off to my bedroom, for some reason these thoughts were making me dizzy…
She doesn't care…
"Yeah I know…" the slurred phrase fell out of my gasping mouth, was I drunk? No…I don't drink…in this haze I hadn't noticed I had made it into my room. I just kept standing there, in the middle of the room; my eyes aren't focussing on anything, everything is blurred to me.
She doesn't care…
"I Know!" I yelled out, the rage, bubbling and boiling within me burning at my insides, it was going to come out…the darkness…I can't fight it…it's too strong…
She has Hero…
"I KNOW!!" a shrill scream erupted from deep inside, a wild, feral cry, forcing my right fist into the nearest wall, denting the hard concrete surface. Pain vibrated through my knuckles into my arm. My vision had been replaced with this insatiable rage coursing into my blood, taking control of me.
The dent became severely larger as the rage fired rapid punches at it relentlessly,
You weren't good enough for them…
War cries ripped out of my throat as the white washed wall had splatters of red all over it, the rage started pumping adrenaline into my brain to keep the intense anger growing and continued to feed it through my mind.
They hated you…they didn't want you corrupting their daughter…
The bed side table was thrown across the room, smashing as it too collided with the once innocent wall that was now tainted a deep crimson red, the wardrobe collapsed onto its side blocking the door, books, pictures, pens littered the ground as the desk found itself being upturned and dropped maliciously onto the floor. The sturdy wood kept it from damaging but it too had red all over it…
She hates you for causing her pain…
"STOP IT!!!" I screamed clutching the sides of my head, in a feeble attempt to regain control from the darkness.
Look at you…your pathetic
My head snapped up looking at the mirror hanging on the wall, my face…it's covered in red… my hands…
She never loved you…
"NOOO!!" my fist jerked out, much to the delight of the rage, connecting with the mirror, destroying it, the shattered pieces rained down on my arm. Tiny pieces teasingly slid around my flesh; larger pieces pierced me ruthlessly on their descent before multiplying into much prettier glistening diamonds…
My weary body shook as ragged breaths brought me back from the darkness…brought me back to reality…I looked around horrified at the destruction left in my moment of weakness. There was a strange smell lingering in my room and there was red on everything that was destroyed. Red. Nausea choked at the back of my throat as I looked at my bloody hands and wrist. The cuts from the glass were gaping wounds, they were laughing at me…the way they widened and contracted slightly with the cautious moment of my hands mimicked lips. Lips that whispered those thoughts aloud to me…no! I would not lose again…I stumbled backwards until I tumbled onto my bed. My head felt disgustingly woozy and there was a strong metallic taste in my mouth that made it increasingly difficult to fight the rising bile within my abused body.
Thankfully I hadn't touched my bin in my fit of rage and emptied the contents of my stomach into it. After I had nothing left to bring back up I examined my knuckles slightly more and my skin that had previously been there…wasn't. I suddenly needed my bin again as another wave of sickness hit me hard. However for some reason the metallic taste was even stronger now and looking into the bin. It too had been stained a deep red…
"Noo," I croaked, broken, "I don't want this to take me…"
Hauling myself up once again I stumbled to my fallen wardrobe and was deeply relieved when I realised that my door swung open outwards rather than inwards so I hadn't locked myself into this sick, twisted, living hell.
Bathroom. First aid kit that's what I needed, the cold tiled floor bit at my bare feet as they slapped on the floor but it didn't hinder my search for the life saving bandages and disinfectants my cuts sorely crying for. The cold water felt like salt as I washed my many wounds, ridding myself off the excess blood covering my body, although the cold water did not compare to the extreme burning the disinfectants caused me. I hissed loudly, groaning as I slowly wrapped my arms, safely keeping my wounds from becoming worse.
Staring at the bandaged limbs that were now a safe, clean and innocent white I exhaled easing my weary body into a stable state of mind I allowed myself to sink onto the cold hard floor and welcome a different kind of darkness…
Thank you for all those who reviewed my previous chapter. Please give me your thoughts on this, slightly darker chapter of Rei's life. Please be opened minded if these types of concepts are different to what you are used to. I believe that everyone does have different types of psychological battles with themselves. You will see this if you do read my other story 'Happiness'. Feed back, good or bad is appreciated – Dark Shadows 01