Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Itachi, Abarai Renji from Bleach, the Chiapets, Aly&AJ's song "I'm Walking On Sunshine", can-cans, and you.

Warning!: Weasel abuse... hopefully not that severe .

It's elementary, my dears:

1.] Be (or at least pretend to be) the most happiest and hyperi-ness FANGIRL ALIVE around him. (glomp him and stuff, and hope to every god out there that he doesn't kill you first)

2.] Compare him with a rabid weasel.

3.] Dye his hair blue and say that Kisame and him now match perfectly. And oh, dye his skin too.

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'Tis is how ya do, foo~!

4.] While beginning this beautiful tor- I mean- entertainment, loudly say in his face," Your 365 days of torture has come, Mr. Weasel-face" and run. RUN, DAMIT, RUN!!!! .

5.] Instead of tying it into his usual ponytail, make him tie it in…… pig-tails!! And put on a LOT of hairspray and I'm taking about the amount Kakashi coplayers use on their real hair. (I have a somewhat newfound respect for those dudes. It takes a man to carry that much hairspray. ^^)

6.] Declare that you made the symbol for his partnership with Kisame. The result should be a shark biting a weasel's [fluffy] tail.

7.] … You know those marks that's on his face that somehow looks like wrinkles? Yeah, and do you know Abarai Renji from Bleach and his *seriously* wicked tattoed eyebrows? Yeah, continue Itachi's marks to make it look like some pattern… and don't forget the anesthesia too.

8.] Continuing #6, while he's still on anesthesia, paint his nails with smilie faces… :D

9.] While on a mission *cough*campingtrip*cough*, catch weasels and roast them in fire with a fan.. in front of him. And say this is the *beautiful* meaning of his name. (A/N: … I feel terribly guilty writing about roasting weasels TT^TT I really hope that weasel fanclubs won't hunt me down now cuz, …these are just imaginary weasels. ;D)

10.] Photoshop a picture of Kisame and make him look like a mermaid… which means, you have to make it look like he's a GIRL fish. Using chakara, laminate it (so it doesn't get burned the first time it shines the world) and give it to him on his birthday. C:

11.] Call him the SUPER WEASEL!!!!!!! OMGOMGOMGOMG-….. sorry spaz moment there. xDD

12.] Following number 10, wake him up at 3 (AM) and with numerous SUPER STRONG chakara walls around you, say " I now promote you from Super Weasel to……… CAPTAIN BADGER!!!!". X3

13.] While on a mission, jump on his back, and point to anything and say," Daddy, where do *insert random object here* came from?"

14.] Whenever Itachi comes in, chant, "U-chi-chi-chi-ha!". (A/N: You know the chia-pets advertisements? Yeah, the tune is the same only with different words.)

15.] When he wins a battle, catapult him with weasel food pellets to shower him with "victory". (make sure to shoot from faraway.. for your safety, m'dears)

16.] In any random moment, say," We sometimes all aim to age beautifully, but I think it's too late for you" while poking his eyemarks. Then.. you run as if death was behind you… which is.

17.] While walking with him and Kisame, sing "I'm Walking On Sunshine" while doing the cancan.

18.] For breakfast, give him bacon bits that look like weasel pellets and an omelet shaped… like a PANDA~~!!

19.] Get a carry-able wall and while carrying it and when he is walking by, "accidentally" turn around, hitting the famous weasel-man. Say, " Mann, this is why you have to sleep to get rid of those red eyes, Chi-chi-chan"

OH-MY-STARS! You guys are the freaking best. Thank you for teh suggestions and comments especially Miyuki Sohma over there *waves spazzily*, who kindly gave me the longest comment I had ever had so far in this lifetime... I know, that's sad isn't it? xD

So yes, after long weeks, I finally had time to write this thing in one sitting. Done with long-term school work momentarilly, I wrote this and is now planning another one sometime next week when winter break starts (hopefully). And guess what. It is my birthday next week on the freakin' 20th!!!... CHYEAH! WHO DA MAN??!!!.. sorry, just had to write that. And again, reviews and requests are very well appreciated.