ATTENTION: So I know the last two chapters are a little on the dull side, but it'll get better, I promise! Now that they're going to meet, the insanity will begin!
Disclaimer: I am not SM. KTHXBAI.
FIGHT BACK
CHAPTER THREE – This Means War
Bella's POV
The door swung open with a resounding crash.
"Shoot me now!" I thought as I stared at the ceiling, cursing the sky.
"CHAAAARRRRLIIIEEEEEEEEE, oh look at this house, it's so adorable! It just screams 'bachelor pad'," A squat woman squealed as she waddled into the front hall, "now where's this daughter you speak of! I cannot wait to see her pretty little face!"
I groaned internally as her eyes latched onto my tiny figure looming in the shadows, hoping to blend in with the drapes. She let out another squeal, extending her arms in front of her, as if begging me to run into her embrace. I shot a look in Charlie's direction, as he flicked his head towards her, telling me to just go along with it. I clamped my eyes shut as she crushed me in her arms, mentally imagining all the different ways I could throw her twinky-loving backside across the room.
She pulled back, examining my face.
"Oh, she's a doll, Charlie! So special, in her own... unique way," she assessed, one eyebrow raised as she patted my shoulder with a chuckle. I felt a growl in the back of my throat, threatening to burst forth with so much gusto, I might as well start barking at her. I considered her reaction at such a display...
" ...Renee remarried, and Phil, her new husband, moves around a lot for work, so we all decided that it would be best for Bella to come stay with me for the rest of her high school career. You know, so she can settle into a routine, and all," I heard Charlie explain to the arriving guests as I pulled myself out of my wandering imagination. One where I fed to a couple dozen ravid squirrels.
As the guests continued to arrive, I stood next to the slowly diminishing mountain of cheesies, thanks to yours truly. I made sure to make eye contact with each newcomer, whipping out the full force of my stare. They would stare back like a deer stuck in headlights for a few moments, before hiding a shudder and escaping to the next room. I chuckled as Mr. Humphry backed into the china cupboard with a horrified expression, too scared to break eye contact. He flushed, and bolted from the room as fast as his legs could take him. That's what he gets for thinking he can take away the bowl of Cheetos from my reach. The nerve of these Fork-Folk.
I turned back to the snack table, delighted in my ability to mark my territory. I hummed a happy tune as I heard another predator cross the boundries.
I let out an ominous chuckle, keeping my back to the unsuspecting victim. I straighened my posture slowly, exaggerating each movement, rolling my neck so it would crack. I turned around to face my opponent, and found myself staring into Steve Templeton's equally creepy glare.
Steve was an average man in every sense of the word, besides being the creepiest neighbor known to mankind. He was about six feet tall, plain features, and a scrawny figure that seemed to have forgone far too much bodybuilding. The muscles seemed to not match up properly with his small build, his aging skin adding to the bizarre effect. He seemingly had more hair on his eyebrows than on his head. His tawny mane was plastered to his scalp in a side part. His pale blue eyes were, of course, staring at me intently, a crooked grin showing off his yellowing dentures.
"Why, hello there, Bella. Remember me?" He drawled, bouncing slightly in his heels.
"Oh, how could I forget you, Temples, you will forever be scarred into my memory," I responded with a friendly smile.
He chuckled, running his tongue along his teeth, pushing out his upper lip, accentuating his eery shadow. He took a small step forward.
"So how long has it been – Oh – two and a half years? Tsk, tsk, Bella, you left me wondering if you'd ever come back and say hello!" He mused, his eyes forking over my body.
My stomach flopped as I held back a gag. What a creep. I held my ground, though, never breaking eye contact. I would not lose this battle of wits. I had taken down far scarrier men in my time.
Steve reached for a creme puff and popped it entirely into his mouth.
"So you're seventeen, I've been told," he commented casually.
"So I've heard," I responded bluntly.
"- does that mean you turning eighteen soon?" He asked, a vomit-endusing grin spreading across his stupid face.
"Why, you gonna buy me a car for my birthday, Stevie-boy?" I smirked as I folded my arms and leaned against the counter.
He wheezed a laugh as he picked at a hair on his chin. He took a few more steps closer, leaning over to match my height.
"You've grown up, Bella Swan. You're far too pretty for your own good," he breathed, his stale, hot breath blowing across my face. I leaned back instinctively.
"Get off my grill, Homeboy. I know people," I threatened.
He just laughed, pulling at my sleeve.
"You should come over for a soda or something sometime. You know, catch up," said with a wink, "I always keep a few chilled in the basement."
at this, I shuddered, unable to hide my disgust.
"That sounds like heaps of fun, Steve! How 'bout I head over once I'm finished pulling my own fingernails out by the roots with some rusty pliers? Sound good?" I retorted, leaning farther back against the counter.
Steve grabbed my left hand and held it tightly, examining my three-week old nail polish.
"And ruining such a lovely manicure? That would be such a waste," He crooned, leaning in.
Just as it seemed like I was going to have to demonstrate the sensation of my knee coming full-force into his groin, a subtle cough came from the doorway of the kitchen.
"Hey, Mr. Templeton, a bunch of the neighborhood boys are across the street playing a game of soccer. They told me to say hello," a smooth voice came.
I peered around the pedophile's shoulder to see a boy about my age, smirking evilly as he took in the scene.
He was taller, about 6"2, with an auburn mop of hair shooting out at random angles from his scalp. His clothing was simple, but mysterious. A mental picture of a sexy ninja danced across my mind as I took him in. Man, he was attractive...
Mr. Templeton shot back, arms raised as if he had just been busted. He looked over at my mysterious savior, and smiled sheepishly.
"Hey, Edward. Long time no see. How come you never come by to say hello?" He stuck his bottom lip out in a fake pout. Edward just shrugged.
"Oh, you know, I'll be out and about and think to myself, 'you know what? I should really go visit Steve! I could use a fresh dose of the heebie-jeebies right about now' but then I just get side tracked. You understand," he replied with a wink.
At this point, I had to shove my entire fist in my mouth to keep from bursting into hysterics. The look on Templeton's face was priceless. He huffed out of the room, glaring at Edward as he shrugged past.
I couldn't hold it in anymore. I buckled over in a fit of laughter, my sides aching from the strain. I must have been bent over like that for a while, because when I finally calmed down enough to get up right again, all the blood had rushed to my brain.
I looked to see Edward still standing there, smirking at me. I smiled greatfully back, instantly craving his friendship. That is, until he reached for the cheesies...
I leaped across the kitchen, throwing myself in his way, arms splayed wide.
"That would be a massive negative, Mr. Mind-Ninja. Cheeto's are off limits."
He looked at me, raising an eyebrow.
"Not even one?" He asked, as his hand reached across me to grab one.
I slapped his hand away.
"Keep your hands to yourself, sir," I ordered, glaring at him. This guy didn't know who he was messing with.
He eyed me, a very pronounced smirk on his lips.
"Was Templeton intimidated by that statement coming from you?" He asked smugly. I let out a huff.
"Templeton's skull is too thick to be intimidated by my impressive skills," I responded, squaring my shoulders.
He chuckled, then pouted.
"Pleeeeaaase, Bella? Just one Cheeto?" He begged, his big, emerald green puppy-dog eyes distracting me.
He reached out, but before I could slap his hand away, his other arm hooked around my waist as he spun around me, grabbing the entire bowl before dancing out of my reach. He held it high above his head. Curses!
"Why did I have to inherit the vertically challenged gene from Renee!?" I thought bitterly as I jumped uselessly, trying to retrieve the bowl from his ninja-like grasp.
"Is this what you call impressive skills, Ms. Swan?" Edward teased as he held the bowl just out of my finger's reach. I snapped my teeth at him, a faint growl emerging from my throat.
"Ooooh, she's a feisty one!" He said, as he patted my head condescendingly. I barely made it up to his shoulders. I huffed in defeat, crossing my arms across my chest, showing my inner 3-year-old. I pouted just because I could.
Edward grinned at me as his arm reached above his head and pulled out a cheesie from the bowl. He slowly brought it down to his nose, breathing in the smell as he closed his eyes in mock pleasure.
"Oh, it smells so.... so.... so cheesy," he breathed, peeking through one eye. He slowly brought it to his mouth, exaggerating the process, and slid it in with one finger. He chewed each bite as if to savour the flavour, enjoying my random squeaks of outrage.
He let out a groan as he swallowed, opening his eyes. This boy could milk it for all its worth. If I wasn't severely pissed off, I would have found that extremely hot.
... Too bad he just declared war.
SO?!!
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