ATTENTION: i know i know i know i know i know. Late, late, LATE. I had some severe writer's laziness. I was planning on making it up to you on spring break, because I have two whole weeks (!!!) BUT, it's already almost done the first week, so I'm sooooorrry it's only getting to you now! GOOD NEWS: I have the next few chapters allllll planned out, and plan on writing them as soon as I'm finished posting this one. DO NOT FEAR.

And plleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaase review, I love them soooo much! :[

Disclaimer: TRUE: I turn 18 in 4 days.

FALSE: I own Twilight.

CHAPTER FIVE - Flirtationism

Bella's POV

As I entered the cafeteria, all went silent. I stood there, staring back at them, willing them to be the first to look away.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't realize the entertainment bailed on your lunch, folks. Here, let me be of service seeing as I already have the attention of the entire planet," I spoke loud enough for everyone to hear.

I tapped my foot, creating a beat, as I clapped my hands in rhythm. I broke out into a sporadic tapdance, putting on my biggest broadway smile I could muster. I flailed and twirled, bouncing around the tables, revelling in the gasps of horror spreading through the crowd. I whipped out every move I could remember from those old 80's movies. My attempt at the running man was not as successful as planned.

When I figured they had enough of my services, I entered the line up for food. I was behind a boy that looked oddly familiar from the back. I just couldn't place it...

"Zac EFRON?!" I squealed, clapping my hands in mock delight.

The boy turned around and looked me up and down. His eyes stopped grazing, and glazed over.

"Did I forget to put on pants or something?" I thought as I looked down at what I was wearing.

Nope, pants accounted for. Then I realized it. Ah yes, boobs. I forgot about those. I was wearing my favourite tank top, with battery acid holes all over it. My make-shift cartigan (a t-shirt cut down the middle) was falling off my left shoulder, exposing my fair skin. I placed my hands on my hips and tapped my heel as I waited for his eyes to refocus. It appeared like he wasn't going to any time soon, so I snapped my fingers.

"Dude, didn't your mother ever teach you manners? It's rude to stare at girls' racks. You don't see me staring at your crotch," I scolded, folding my arms across my chest. He pushed his shaggy blonde hair out of his eyes as he grinned evilly at me.

"Stare all you want, baby, maybe you'll get a little peep show if you're lucky," He winked at me.

I just stood there for a second, taking that in. Were all guys in Forks perverts?

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. You are..." I asked, a polite smile on my face.

"Mike. Mike Newton," He responded, puffing out his chest.

"Wow, Mike, you must work out! You're so...", I leaned closer to him, letting my fingers trail down his arm, "sculpted."

Mike gulped audibly, but took this as encouragement. Perfect.

"I'm Captain of the football team," He informed me proudly.

"That's so hot," I breathed, biting my lip for effect. Mike grinned down at me.

"You should come to our game next saturday. We could even have our own afterparty," He winked again, placing his hand on my hip.

Just a little bit more, and I had him...

"Oh? And where would that be, Mikey?" I whispered, leaning into him, placing both my hands on his abdomen. I could hear people scoffing in disgust on either side of us, but they'd just have to deal with it for a tiny bit longer...

"Anywhere you want, baby, as long as it's just me and you," he growled back, inching his face closer to mine.

"How about right here?" I whispered in his ear.

Before he could respond, I kneed him so hard in the groin, he let out a shriek that sounded oddly like a dog whistle. People from all angles burst out in laughter, pointing at their fallen football star.

"Sorry, baby, I play a little rough. I'll warn you next time," I winked at him, now sprawled on the floor in the fetal position.

I grabbed my food and moved to a table near the center of the room. I passed it off as mere coincidence when, just as I sat at the table, everyone else was mysteriously finishing their lunches at the same time. They scooted off with their trays, leaving me to myself. I crawled on top of the table, sitting cross-legged in the center. I watched from a distance as Mike slowly crawled out of the room, whimpering. I hope I didn't damage his chances of offspring. Wait, yes I do.

I smelled Charlie before I saw him. He had obviously just returned home from work, and he needed a shower, pronto.

"Whew, Charlie, what did you do, bathe in a pit of moldy lunch meat? You smell like a dog food factory that's been set on fire with a can of Axe and methane gas!" I informed him from the living room.

Charlie entered to find me upside down on the couch, my legs dangling in the air.

"Thanks, Bells, you always know how to make me feel so good," he scoffed, kicking off his boots.

"Happy to be of service, daddy-O. What brings on the stench?" I asked, plugging my nose.

"Long story. Let's just say it involved an abandoned fridge, a fat kid on a bike, and very angry ferret," he shuddered as he sat down in his arm chair, "I doubt that kid will ever forget today."

"Ew, dad, don't contaminate the fabric! That'll be impossible to get out," I gasped as I scrambled to my feet, pulling him away from the living room. He chuckled at my wrinkled nose.

"So? How was your first day at Forks High?" He asked with a wink.

"Oh, the boys are so modest and friendly. And the girls! Oh, what lovely, gentle creatures! I'm going to fit in wonderfully here, I'm super duper excited for tomorrow," I gushed, waving my arms in mock excitement.

Charlie just rolled his eyes as he climbed the stairs. Just before he made it to the top, he looked down at me and grinned. He clasped his hands together in excitement and jumped slightly from foot to foot.

"And just think, Bella! Tomorrow is going to be even BETTER!" he squealed in mock delight. He winked once more as he entered the bathroom.

I entered the Biology classroom with seconds to spare. Mr. Varner was standing at the front of the room, hiding behind a textbook. If I didn't know any better, it looked almost like he was picking his nose.

I coughed so he could see me approach and be able to hide the evidence. He looked up quickly, squinting his eyes to see how much I knew. I smiled innocently and waved.

"You must be Isabella Swan. Welcome to Biology, here are your textbooks. I do not condone hooliganism, chatterism, rebelism, and most certainly not flirtationism. If I see it, detention. Now go sit over there, class is about to begin," he babbled. What a loonie-toon. I liked him.

I looked over to where my seat assignment was. Great. Perfect. Of Course.

I was sitting beside Mr. Edward Cullen.

I glared at him. He grinned evilly back, slowly patting the seat beside his. I decided to play his game. I grinned back, staring intently at him. I winked for good measure. He raised his eyebrows up and down, then brought his index finger up, curling it towards him, beckoning me forward.

I sauntered to my seat and slowly sat down. I made a big production of setting everything just right, arranging my pencils from longest to shortest. I straightened my papers just right. I placed my textbooks in the center of the conjoined table. Once I was satisfied, I folded my hands in front of me, placing them precisely in front of me. I looked over at Edward and smiled.

He must've been watching me the whole time, because he was already smiling back. Without looking away, his arm reached forward, scooting my textbooks to my side of the table.

"Your books... are on my side," he informed me politely. I stuck out my bottom lip.

"I do apologize for that. Here, to keep this little tussle from happening again..." I reached into my backpack and pulled out a red sharpie. I drew a nice big red line down the center of the table, splitting it in half. I placed my books as close to the red line as possible, making sure it didn't go over.

"Happy?" I asked.

"Indeed," He responded.

"Delightful," I commented.

"Precisely," He replied.

As Mr. Varner went about this lesson, I caught a whiff of something. I sniffed at the air, trying to figure out where that wonderful scent was coming from. Before I even realized what I was doing, I was sniffing at Edwards' shirt.

I looked up at him sheepishly as I pulled away. He just stared down at me, one eyebrow raised.

"You smell like waffles," I said non-chalantly, shrugging.

"Breakfast," He explained.

"Ah," I said, enlightened, "the breakfast of champions."

" I kind of eat it with peanut butter, rasberry jam, and then doused in syrup, so it's hardly waffles. It's more the condoments," he described. I just looked at him in shock.

"I do believe you are my soulmate, Mr. Cullen," I said in awe. He flashed a smile at me.

"You like your waffles the same way?" he asked.

"I do," I responded. I looked away, turning my attention to a rather excited looking Mr. Varner. Something about Osmosis really had him going.

I could feel eyes on me, so I took a peek at Edward again. He was looking at me intently, an obvious internal battle going on.

"Who's winning?" I asked, tilting my head to one side.

"Hmm?" he responded, shaking his head a bit.

"You're argueing with yourself, and I'm asking which Edward is winning," I smirked.

His eyebrows knit together as he read my expression.

"You're good at that," he observed.

"Good at what?" I asked.

"Reading people," he responded, laughing softly.

"It's a gift," I scoffed, "So? What's the verdict, Cullen?"

"Well, I was wondering..." He trailed off.

I grabbed his pen cap and chewed on it as I watched him.m I knawed at the cap as I squinted my eyes, waiting for him to continue.

He cleared his throat and pushed his mop of bronze hair away from his forehead.

" Iwaswonderingifyou'dcometothispartywithmeonSaturday?" he spewed.

I burst out laughing, tossing my head back. Edward Cullen's face looked a lot like a kid being caught in front of the TV at 3:00 am by his mother.

Before I knew it, was before me, hands on his hips, a scowl forming across his face.

"Do my eyes deceive me, Ms. Swan? Is there some flirtationism going on back here, even after I clearly warned you of the implications?" He interogated.

"Oh, heavens no, ! Flirtationism is on my list of No-No's. Right next to Rowdyism and Humorism. No need to fret, sir," I responded politely. He nodded his head, satisfied, and returned to the front of the class.

I smirked at Edward, who was obviously embarressed. The whole class was looking towards us, so I winked at them, sticking out my tongue.

"I'm sorry, Ed, what was that you were verbally vomiting?" I asked.

He shifted in his seat, uncomfortable. His eyes scanned the room, to make sure the rest of our peers were no longer paying attention.

"I was wondering if you'd like... to come to this party... on Saturday... with me," He whispered, unsure.

I looked at him for a few seconds, reading his expression.

A massive grin spread across my face.

"Are you asking me on a date, Edward Cullen?" I winked at him.

His eyes bugged out, obviously shocked at my bluntness.

"Err, you know, just as friends,you know, to introduce you to the kids here in town, you know, not necessarily a date, you know, just hang out as friends, you know.." He bantered, obviously backtracking.

"Oh don't worry, Eddie... I know," I smiled at him and turned back to .

I heard Edward cough beside me lightly. I looked back at him.

"So, err – will you come with me?" He asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

I made it seem like I was deliberating; weighing my options, so to speak.

"I'll see what I can do, but no promises. I'm a rather popular girl you know, I might have plans already," I winked again as I nudged his shoulder. He smiled lightly back, letting his breath out.

I smiled internally as I thought about going to this party with the hottest boy in school. This may only be my second day in school, but I know how the girls look at him.

If I wasn't the odd one out now, after showing up at the party with Edward Cullen on Saturday, I was flying first class to being the most abhored girl in the entire school.

Bring on the Drama Llama!

OKAY. So there's Chapter 5. I had more planned for it, but it's already pretty long, so I figure I'll just put the other part into the next chapter. No worries, chapter 6 will be up soon! Sorry again for the delay. :[


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