Chapter Summary: Nico is paler than usual today under the morning sun, hair stuck messily in some places where he rested his head against his pillow. In the warmth of the early summer, he's wearing long-sleeves today, unable to even brace himself for the whisper of a breeze against his bare skin. He can say the words 'I'm fine' or 'I'm okay' as long as he wants, but he knows the truth is far from that. And Will – he doesn't understand why the other boy is so attentive right now when he can just ignore Nico and pretend that he doesn't exist.

Status: Chapter 4 of ?

Author's Notes: One word to excuse my tardiness: midterms. There will probably be another break before the next chapter of similar length while I try to navigate my way through my classes without failing. However, there's another scene with Will and Nico interaction! No more Will Solace deprivation. Anyway, I decided to compile a playlist of songs I've listened to while writing this fic on Spotify. Visit the Archive of Our Own version of this fic to access the link. :) (Link to my Ao3 profile should be on my profile here. But otherwise, my username there is PorcelainEcho)

Homophobia (and biphobia/bi-erasure) in this chapter. TW for mentions of "curing gay" therapy.

FEEL SMALL

When he steps through the doors to his school, he feels as if everyone has suddenly turned to look his way, whisper about him through covered mouths and narrowed eyes. His shoulders curl inward toward himself out of instinct and his hands crawl up to tug on one of the straps of his backpack for comfort. Calm down, he tells himself. Nobody knows what happened. Nobody cares.

He knows he's wrong when someone he's never spoken to walks up to him and claps him hard on the shoulder in what is supposed to be a friendly gesture. Nico immediately jerks his shoulder away and turns to face the mysterious person, heart racing in fear.

It's one of the guys from the football team – he's never bothered to learn their names anyway. He has never been interested in them, and they've all steered clear from him due to rumours about his sexuality. He takes a wide step back from him and says, "Don't touch me." His voice comes out calm and icy but he can still feel the edges of panic skimming along his chest.

The other boy laughs and puts his hands in the air in fake surrender. "Dude, chill. No homo," he says with a laugh, and Nico wants to run right now but he stands his ground. "So did you really bang a room full of girls last Friday night?" Before the information even sinks in, he keeps talking like Nico had already affirmed his answer. "Man, what a score. Who would have known? I always thought you were, you know." His gestures are vague, and Nico can't hold back the next words.

"Thought I was what?" he asks, airy and polite but dark at the same time.

He scratches the back of his head and chuckles again. "Whatever man, you know what I was going to say. Stop playing 'round with me." He doesn't reply and lets the tension thicken in the air between them. Then Nico nods, averting his eyes away from him and walks away without another word. The other boy thankfully does not follow nor shout out vulgar praises about the Friday night he wrongly interpreted. His chest is tight with invisible pressure, and he wonders why he even thought it was such a good idea to come back here instead of taking the last days of school off.

When he enters his morning class, nobody turns to look at him and he feels the momentary lightening of his heart. Instead of taking his usual seat at the desk in the front corner of the class, he walks down to the back of the classroom and sits at the corner in the empty seat beside the window. Other students are milling about and chatting about the upcoming finals to their friends or the teacher in the front of the class, but he can no longer dig up any remaining feelings of distress for them. He turns to face the cloudless blue skies and crosses his arms over his chest. A quiet numbness settles inside of him, pulling him between reality and nothingness until a voice rips him back into reality.

He looks up sharply, back hitting the seat hard enough to leave a fleeting burn against his skin. A boy towers in front of him, blue eyes looking down at him and tapping lightly on the desk. "This is my seat," Will Solace says. It's not a demand for Nico to move, but rather just a statement. Will runs a hand through his hair and gives him a small smile. "Do you mind if I sit next to you or…?" The unsureness of his voice is strange, but Nico nods his consent.

Nico watches the other boy blatantly as he sits down at the desk beside him. Will looks up and they hold eye-contact for a second before Nico finally tears his eyes away. He had never noticed that he shared the same classes with Will Solace, but then again he was never keen on meeting other people. He doesn't know what to say to him so he keeps silent and turns his head away to face the window.

Will clears his throat. "I'm sorry about what happened," he says quietly. He doesn't have to say what he's talking about because Nico already knows. His chest tightens and he stares down at the table. "I… I don't know what I can do to help."

"Don't do anything." The words find their way out of Nico's mouth. "There's nothing you can do now."

Will makes a frustrated noise. "We can find those people and turn them in. It was sexual assault – it doesn't matter that you're a boy and that they were mostly girls, okay? We don't know what we can do until we try," he says, and Nico looks over and narrows his eyes at the boy.

"Why are you taking this personally?" Nico says, even though he feels a confusion of emotions swirling inside of him at Will's stubbornness. "It happened at your house and now it's over." It's not over, not really, but if Nico says it enough times maybe it will become true. If he thinks too long then he'll start feeling the unwelcomed lips against his once again. He still has bruises on the back of his hand from their accomplice, Bryce. "There's nothing left to do." Even with the words coming out of his mouth, he wonders why he wishes so badly that he could do something to erase the feeling of fear crawling up his skin every time someone touches him now. "Why do you even care?"

He says nothing, blue eyes that were so fierce is now passive when he averts his eyes to look away from Nico. "I don't know," he says, but Nico gets the feeling that he does know and is keeping the answer away from him for some reason. "It happened at my house, so I guess I feel responsible." The last words are mumbled.

"I'm eighteen, and I'm not your responsibility," he cuts in. He feels small – just a burden, a bothersome little boy who couldn't take care of himself. "I don't need your pity. I'm fine." The last bit is unnecessary but he says it anyway. Will immediately looks up at him when he hears those words, and he knows it was the wrong thing to say. Anyone looking at him can see right through those words.

Nico is paler than usual today under the morning sun, hair stuck messily in some places where he rested his head against his pillow. In the warmth of the early summer, he's wearing long-sleeves today, unable to even brace himself for the whisper of a breeze against his bare skin. He can say the words 'I'm fine' or 'I'm okay' as long as he wants, but he knows the truth is far from that. And Will – he doesn't understand why the other boy is so attentive right now when he can just ignore Nico and pretend that he doesn't exist.

"I don't think you're 'fine'," Will says after a moment of hesitant silence. The bluntness of his words startles Nico. "Look, what happened to you shouldn't have happened in the first place, and I should have been able to stop it." He lets out a huff and runs his fingers through his hair and Nico wants to tell him that it's not his fault. "Could you let me help you, please?" he asks, eyes searching Nico's and a look of helpless guilt written all over his face.

The words 'I don't need help' is just on the tip of his tongue but instead he finds himself nodding once, just a dip of the head. A smile breaks across Will's face, lips curling upwards in a way that makes Nico feel like the sun is breaking out of the clouds. "Thank you," Will says.

"There's nothing to thank me for," Nico says quietly, not quite understanding why Will cares so much about a nobody like him, even if the horrible incident occurred at his house. "I just want to be able to forget it ever happened." His hands clench and the repressed image of the girl's wicked grin appears in his mind again before he manages to shove it down.

The other boy can't find the words to reply to that, and Nico turns to face the front of the class and pretend to be interested in whatever the teacher is saying for the duration of the class. When the class is over in the next hour, Nico is the first one out of the classroom.

He sits beside Reyna during lunch in the field outside of the school under the bleachers. Reyna was the first person here and had glared at any couples who had wandered into the area hoping for a quick rendezvous. "Leave," she had demanded each time in multiple different ways depending on how insistent the couple was.

"You didn't need to do that," Nico says after she's scared away the fifth couple that day. "We could have found a different place to eat."

Reyna shakes her head. "They can deal with it," she says. They're sitting a small distance away from each other – not too close to trigger Nico but not too far away to make him feel anxious and alone either. "So how was class today?" It's all small talk and pretend, but Nico knows that she's worried out of her mind for him.

"It was okay," he says vaguely. "William Solace talked to me this morning."

He can see the confusion on her face and then a flare of anger before she's neutral again. "Why?" she asks. She has her own opinions for why he spoke to him, but she opens it up to Nico first.

He shrugs and looks down at his crossed legs. "I don't know," he admits. "He said he was sorry about what happened." There's more to it – something about the way he looked at him and the desperate way he wanted to help out Nico in whatever way he can. He doesn't know how to describe it so he leaves it unspoken. Maybe he's just imagining things – wanting comfort in the person who stopped what could have resulted in non-consensual sex.

"That's ridiculous," Reyna says. "I bet he just doesn't want his image tarnished. Keep the little ones quiet and happy so they won't report him for anything. A criminal record might be what kicks him out of those Ivy Leagues he wants so much."

It's a harsh assessment, and Nico would disagree but neither of them has enough evidence to either prove or disprove each other so he remains silent. She's angry, and she wants to do something about it, and the only name that she can think of right now is William Solace.

She pauses in the middle of her rant and then looks at Nico. "How do you know him?" she questions.

He forgot that he hadn't told her or Hazel that detail. "He… He found me," Nico says, struggling to think of a way to say it. "I think he stopped those girls." He's almost certain that Will had stopped them, but then again he was heavily drugged at the time and has no idea exactly what happened. However, he doesn't think that Will took advantage of him.

Apparently Reyna is not as trusting. "Did he do anything to you after that?" she demands.

"I don't think so." To his own ears, he sounds unsure and small.

She breathes in deeply and then breathes out and he knows that she thinks that something happened in the lapse of time. He doesn't blame her for thinking so. Neither of them knew Will Solace very well, and recent rumours also indicated that he might be into men. "I'm sorry for dragging you to that party," she finally says.

"It's not your fault," Nico replies, repeating the same thought he had in his mind when Will talked to him. He doesn't understand why everyone thinks it was their fault, but maybe it is human nature to want to blame something bad that happened. "Don't blame yourself for it."

Reyna digs around in her backpack and then pulls out a folder. "Whether or not it's my fault, I'm looking for the people you're talking about. There's no one named Beatrice in this school," she says, biting her lip while she opens the folder. He sees notes in her neat handwriting and black and white printed photos of some faces. "But I found Bryce, and there are a number of Japanese girls. Could you look through it and tell me which one is the girl you saw that night?"

He has no idea how she had managed to get all this information in less than twenty-four hours, but he doesn't question it. He takes the folder in the hands and then looks through the few pages filled with printed internet pictures of girls in their school. He pauses on the photo of the girl making a duckface, hair styled in perfectly curled ringlets and lipstick so vibrantly perfect that he can almost see the colour. "This one," he says, pointing to her. If he thinks back hard enough, he thinks he remembers telling the other girls to stop at one point, but he's not sure.

When he turns the folder back to Reyna, she stares at the photo in shock. "Drew Tanaka?" she murmurs in shock.

"You know her?" Nico asks, trying to keep his tone casual but he can feel the telltale hard thump of his heart as panic slowly begins to settle in. What if this girl and Reyna are friends or good acquaintances? Would that mean that she would start saying that Nico made the incident up for attention? He curls his fingers and grabs the hem of his shirt, staring down at the ground.

"Not really," she says. "But Piper does." Before Nico can begin to truly panic, Reyna explains. "Jason broke up with Piper last month for Drew. She told me at the party." Her words are careful like she's hiding something, and Nico would usually ask for more information but he doesn't have the curiosity or energy at the moment. He focuses on calming down his heart enough to breathe normally again.

"Oh." It is more of an exhale than a word.

"Piper told me that Drew is used to getting what she wants in any way possible." Reyna's lips tug up for a second before her expression is all business again. "You think that it was her?"

"I know that it was her," Nico confirms. "But… I think she was against what was happening after she found out her friends put something in that drink."

Reyna nods slowly. "Okay." She takes out a pen and circles Drew's picture and then writes something in bold letters beside it before closing the folder. "But I'm still wondering – are you sure that girl's name was Beatrice?" When he affirms this, she frowns. "I know the student body is large here, but I've checked the records multiple times. There's no one named Beatrice here."

He feels fear crawl into his heart once again. Does she think he's lying? "I don't know," he says, looking away from her. "She said her name was Beatrice. Maybe she wasn't telling the truth," he says, wishing desperately that he can convince Reyna that what happened did happen and that he's not making this up.

They've been friends long enough that Reyna can tell when Nico is panicking. "Hey, it's okay," she tells him, looking directly into his eyes. "I believe you. Maybe she's homeschooled or something. But you said Will has been talking to you – maybe he can tell you who she is if he really is sorry about what happened." Before he can reply, she checks the time on her phone and swears. "I have class in a few minutes," she says.

"I have a spare," he says. He knows she's about to invite him to sit in on her class but he doesn't want to be contained in a classroom with other faces that have probably heard the untrue rumours about him and the girls that Friday. "I'll be fine on my own."

"Okay, I'll see you after school," Reyna says and waves a quick goodbye to him when she leaves. He waves back and then sits in the silence for a few seconds before he pulls out his headphones and blasts music loudly in an attempt to drown out his thoughts.

His hands ache to do something but he doesn't know what, and when a few girls wander into the space behind the bleachers to gossip loudly about something, Nico turns off his music and begin to pack up his bags to leave. He's a safe distance away from them so they wouldn't see him unless he brought attention to himself, but he doesn't want to stay here any longer now that there are other people here.

"…at Solace's place…"

He pauses and then tugs his headphones down so he can hear them more clearly, his heart pounding against his ribcage.

"Ugh, that's disgusting," one of the girls says. "I hate when boys brag about banging multiple girls the same night. Not only is it disgusting and immorally wrong, it's also pretty pathetic."

"That's not all!" another girl interrupts. "I heard that Levesque guy also hooked up with Solace."

There's a plethora of revolted noises when they hear that news, and Nico thinks he's going to throw up right now, but still he stays.

"He totally took advantage of Solace, IMO!" someone says. "I mean you hear this rumour that Solace is gay, which is kind of gross, but like his problem. He can always pay for gay therapy with the money he has." There are giggles and sounds of agreement. "I bet Levesque just wanted to say that along with girls he also had sex with a rich guy. What a desperate whore."

"Now that I think of it – that sounds like him. He was also kind of…freaky anyways." They laugh, and Nico feels even worse than he did in the morning when he was approached by one of the guys who always used to avoid him.

"But I don't think Nico's gay!" the fourth girl declares. "I think that part is a rumour and the first part is true. I mean you don't have sex with a bunch of girls and then have sex with a guy. It's one or the other! Like you can't be split in between the two. That's just dumb and ridiculous."

"Whatever, the idea of Solace and Levesque together is gross enough in itself," the first girl says. Nico decides to leave at this moment, not wanting to spend another moment listening to the four of them spout homophobic rants.

He manages to escape undiscovered and heads across the field with his head down toward the school. His eyes are wet but he's not crying. He brings his hands up and uses the edges of his long-sleeved shirt to rub away the water before he continues walking.

Will is in his last period class, and Nico automatically walks over to him before he thinks about the comments that those girls made. He pauses and then sits at the first empty desk that he finds. It doesn't help that Will is talking up pretty girls in sundresses and also surrounded by smug-looking boys who are dressed in a way that screams of money.

He can hear Will talking good-naturedly with the others and laughing at all the right moments, and he's reminded of the different worlds that they come from. Up until Friday, he had no idea who Will was and didn't bother to find out. There's a reason why he had never interacted with him until now despite being in some of the same classes in school. He turns around to look briefly at Will talking animatedly to one of the girls who are laughing along with whatever joke he's making. He accidentally catches the eye of the boy sitting next to Will whose smile turns into a scowl when he sees Nico looking. He immediately turns to look back at the front of the classroom, a lonely gap yawning open in his heart.

It's then that he thinks that Will feels obligated to be 'responsible' for what happened. He doesn't care about Nico and the thought makes his heart sink, the loneliness gaping wider by the second. Reyna is right – Will must only care about his image. Nico is nobody compared to the people he surrounds himself with, so why had he even begun to put Will on a pedestal? Once this whole thing blows over, William Solace will forget his name and the fact that he ever existed.

For some reason, Nico's eyes turn to Percy sitting in the front of the classroom with Annabeth to his right. The seat to his left where Nico usually sits is empty and he thinks it's strange how some things remain the same.

Author's Notes: I'm surprised at the amount of follows for just three chapters but maybe that's just me. I really hope I can get the next chapter out soon. Meanwhile feel free to listen to the playlist and imagine what the next chapters could contain lol

Also...about the Levesque/di Angelo choices - the basic answer is that I wanted to change it up a bit. Different families begets different personalities. (Yes...I totally did steal that from Supernatural. Winchester versus Wesson & Smith [especially Smith]) You can see Nico's personality in this fic does not reflect him EXACTLY from the book, and that's because of different experiences growing up.