The two of us stared at each other for awhile. The former ROOT kunoichi's face was completely expressionless, I couldn't tell if she was about to say anything else. Eventually though, I spoke up.
"U-um, do you prefer Boar or Hitomi?" I asked.
She closed her eyes, clutched the side of her bed, sucked in a breath through her nose, and let it out her mouth.
"Both are painful," she opened her eyes. "But I suppose Hitomi is what I'll have to get used to." Her grip on the bed relaxed.
"Hokage-sama told you everything?" she asked.
I nodded.
"Good. I want you to understand what you did to me. In order for that to happen you need to know my past," said Hitomi.
"Um, Hitomi? Why do you only want me to understand? Didn't my ma help with... uh," I wasn't sure what to call it.
"With my breakdown? Yes, she did. Her determination to protect you reminded me of my mother," Hitomi grit her teeth, but didn't stop. "And that memory broke through the seal in my brain. But that was only the final act. You Hizashi, are responsible for the majority of my breakdown. Danzo-sama had me monitoring you while I was learning your English. I saw your interactions with your family and as a result, somewhere deep in my mind, I wondered what it would be like to have one. You believe that something like torture is wrong, making me wonder how anyone could think that. You teased me the same way-," Hitomi took a shaky breath. "The same way Isamu did. Even before the seal was broken, I somehow knew I had been teased in a similar before. All of these things resulted in strain on the seal of my memories. Hikari's action was the one that broke the seal, but I believe that she was only speeding up the inevitable. I believe you would've cracked the seal on your own, given time."
I bit my lip, not sure what to say. She didn't look particularly happy that the seal was broken, but she didn't look mad about it either.
"But returning to why I requested you visit me. You know you had the biggest hand in breaking the seal on my mind, but I doubt you know what that means," Hitomi's eyes narrowed. "You broke me. You can argue that Boar was already broken, but at least she was functioning. She was strong, confident in her abilities, and satisfied with her life. Then the seal broke, Hitomi came back, and took it all away. Suddenly, targets weren't things, they were people. People with friends, with family, and killing became wrong, became evil. Boar had never had to question the morality of her actions, never gave a thought to right or wrong. All there was was the mission, and training, and Boar was satisfied with that."
Hitomi paused for a breath.
"But Boar was never happy. Boar was never loved. The very concepts of these things were mere myths to her. But to Hitomi, they were very real. Hitomi was happy when she was helping her father make a sale. She was loved when her mother tucked her into bed. She laughed with joy as she played in the mud with her brother who she loved so very much."
She choked and let a few sobs slip out.
"Excuse me. My point is: Boar knew how to survive in the shinobi world, and Hitomi knew how to live. Such lifestyles cannot coexist, and now I have to choose between the two. That is what you have done to me Hizashi Hyuuga. You have forced me to choose either happiness scarred by memories of being a shinobi, or shinobi life scarred by morality."
Hitomi's eyes never left me while I struggled to find an answer. But how was I supposed to respond to that? I couldn't tell her to give up being a ninja, it was the only thing she knew how to do. I couldn't tell her to forget morality, I didn't want to turn her back into a monster.
I froze, I couldn't choose either of those options.
The door opened behind me.
"Why can't you choose both?" asked the Hokage as he strode into the room.
I looked behind me. Mom was still standing in the door, she gave me a nod for encouragement, then the door slid shut. I looked back toward Hitomi, the Hokage was closer to her than I was, but only by about a foot, to my left so I could still see Hitomi clearly.
"Hokage-sama," said Hitomi, bowing her head. "How can two such lifestyles coexist in the same person?"
"That is the question all shinobi of the leaf must answer for themselves everyday. Danzo believes they can't, and suppresses the emotions of all his subordinates. I believe they can, and allow my shinobi to find a balance that suits them, offering help if they need it. They are shinobi, but they also have friends and family. They protect this village, and call it a home they can be happy in. I believe you too, can find such a balance Hitomi. If you still wish to be a ninja."
Hitomi stared at the Hokage for awhile.
"My family was a group of traveling merchants. There where days when I was disappointed that we didn't have a permanent home like other families. Then my father told me an old saying. 'Home is wherever people are waiting for your return.' How can this village be my home to be happy in when there is no one waiting for me?"
"I will," the words popped out of my mouth before I had fully processed them.
The Hokage and Hitomi turned to me. Hitomi in shock, the Hokage smiling.
"I want to help you Hitomi. Some would say I already have but I don't like leaving things half finished. I broke the seal and it messed you up, now I want to help you sort it out. So I'll wait for you to come back, and I'll do my damnedest to help when you need it."
Hitomi stared at me, then a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Thank you," she whispered.
Another tear fell, then another, and another.
"Thank you," tears continued to run down her cheeks, but her lips stretched into a smile.
"Thank you Hizashi Hyuuga," she dried her eyes and turned to the Hokage. "Hokage-sama, I wish to become a Jonin of Konoha."
The Hokage nodded.
"As soon as you are well, it shall be so. Is there anything else you need Hitomi?" he asked.
She shook her head.
"I have heard all I need to hear."
"Alright then, farewell Hitomi," the Hokage turned and left.
"See ya later Hitomi," I said.
Hitomi nodded.
"See you later Hizashi."
I followed the Hokage out of the room. As soon as we were out, Mom gave me a hug.
"I'm so proud of you Hizashi. That took a lot of courage," she said.
"Thanks Ma."
She gave me a quick squeeze, then let go and stood up.
"Indeed," said the Hokage, "The will of fire runs strongly within you Hizashi. There is no doubt in my mind that you will make a fine shinobi one day."
"Thank you Hokage-sama." My chest was filling with pride. Hiruzen Sarutobi, the third Hokage and a god among shinobi, was praising me. I can't describe exactly how it felt, but it felt amazing.
The Hokage nodded.
"Now, I must bid the two of you farewell, I have a mountain of paperwork to complete and unfortunately it's not going to do itself," with that the Hokage turned and left.
Mom and I went back home soon after. She went to the kitchen to make lunch, I went to my room to lay down.
It had been an eventful morning.
Three days after the visit, Hitomi decided to visit me.
I woke up, turned my head and there she was. She looked a lot different now. She was wearing the standard Leaf Jonin uniform, including the leaf headband on her forehead. The biggest difference though, was that instead of glaring, there was a small smile on her face.
I sat up and rubbed my head.
"Looking normal doesn't make you staring at me in my sleep any less creepy you know," I said.
Her smile twitched a little wider, then she turned around.
"Take all the time you need," she said.
I got out of bed and got dressed at my normal pace. When I was finished Hitomi turned back around.
"So were you really cleared for shinobi duty that quickly? I mean, it's only been three days," I said.
Hitomi sighed.
"I'm not cleared to go on missions just yet, but I've been released from the hospital and my therapy sessions have been reduced to once every three days rather than once a day. The Hokage was kind enough to make me an official Jonin though," she explained.
"Got it, and I'm guessing when you're here you wanna spend less time talking about what happened and more time getting to know me, right?" I asked.
Hitomi's smile returned.
"You really are a prodigy," it vanished again. "But I'm afraid you're only half right."
She whipped out a kunai and threw it at the ceiling. The knife hit one of the panels, the panel cracked, then broke. A ROOT ANBU fell down the hole and landed on their feet.
Hitomi glared at the ROOT member.
"Spying on a citizen of the village is only legal if there is reason to believe that citizen is a spy, or treasonous. Hizashi has been investigated extensively by both the branches of ANBU, they have found no evidence against him, and the Hokage has declared him not to be a threat. Therefore it is within my rights to drive you away from here and report this to the Hokage. Now we both know nothing much will happen over a small transgression like this, but you would be effectively useless to Danzo during the trial," she said.
"Traitor," growled the ANBU, from the depth of their voice I guessed it was a man.
Hitomi rolled her eyes.
"As if you care, Ox. Now get out of here before I decide to report this," she said.
The ANBU growled again, then vanished with a puff of smoke.
I blinked.
"How-?"
"Body Flicker Technique," explained Hitomi. "You should know it by the time you make Chunin. But anyway, I doubt that'll be the last spy sent by Danzo."
"Does he think I'm a threat?" I asked.
"I wouldn't go that far, but I'd say he thinks you're worth keeping an eye on. You were the primary cause of Danzo losing a valuable subordinate after all," said Hitomi.
"How valuable is photographic memory anyway?" I asked.
"If used properly, nearly priceless. It's not just classified documents I memorize, its also the layouts and weak points of enemy bases, secret conversations, and any information that can be used against the enemy in general." Hitomi tapped the side of her head. "All in here."
My eyes widened a bit.
"Wow. I can see why Danzo didn't want to let you go."
Hitomi looked down at her feet.
"Yes, photographic memory can be taught, but finding someone born with it is a valuable discovery."
I could tell she was getting a bit depressed, so I changed the subject.
"Hey, uh, do you want to join us for breakfast?"
Hitomi looked up, surprised.
"Well, um, I'm thankful for the invitation but, well, your mother-."
"I'm what, exactly?"
Hitomi whipped around, then backed into my room. Hikari had been standing behind her, and she was glaring at Hitomi.
"H-how?" stammered Hitomi, slipping into a defensive posture.
"You were distracted by your conversation, and just because I'm retired doesn't mean I don't practice my skills." said Hikari. "But go on, I'm what, exactly?"
Hitomi glanced back at me, I nodded, hoping my expression was telling her to relax. It worked somewhat, Hitomi stood upright, but her hand hovered over her kunai pouch on her leg.
"You don't trust me Hikari-san. I don't blame you, but my training forces me to think that a lack of trust equals a potential threat," said Hitomi.
Hikari's eyes flickered over Hitomi's kunai pouch, then at me, then back to Hitomi.
"You're right, I don't trust you. I sympathize with you, I can't begin to imagine the emotional turmoil you've been through." Hitomi shivered and her hand started shaking, but Hikari continued. "But you held my son up against a wall, put a kunai to his face, and cut him. I know you weren't entirely yourself at the time, but both my training as a shinobi, and my instincts as a mother have labeled you as a threat. The only reason I'm giving you a chance is the fact that Hizashi wants to help you, so I'll give you a chance to earn my trust. A single chance."
Hitomi bowed.
"Thank you Hikari-san, that is more than I deserve," she said.
"Yes it is," said Hikari, then she sighed. "Come and join us for breakfast. It will take time for me to trust you, but we'll never make progress if we always avoid each other."
Hitomi nodded and Hikari left the room. Hitomi turned to face me.
"That went a lot better than I thought it would," she said.
"Well aren't you Ms. Optimistic," I said.
Hitomi chuckled, then we walked out of my room and to the dining room. I briefly wondered how Hitomi knew where the dining room was, but then I remembered that she had apparently been spying on me before her breakdown, so I guess she would know the layout of the house. We entered the dining room and saw that Neji was already sitting at the table. He nodded to us both as we sat down.
"Hizashi, and I assume Hitomi-san?" he asked.
"Correct, and you're Neji; Hizashi's older brother and prodigy of the Hyuuga clan," said Hitomi.
Neji raised an eyebrow and glanced at me.
"She was sneaking around on the day I was teaching her English," I explained.
"That, and basic background information was provided to me before I began the mission," said Hitomi.
Neji nodded, slowly.
"How in the world did you go unnoticed here? Guards are patrolling 24/7 and they never stop using their Byakugan," he said.
Hitomi smiled.
"I am an infiltration specialist, as for details I will simply say that no jutsu is perfect, even kekkei genkai have their weaknesses. I'm afraid I won't be more specific than that, a kunoichi must protect her secrets after all," she said.
Neji narrowed his eyes. I could tell he wasn't satisfied, he probably wanted to interrogate her about these 'weaknesses' of the Byakugan.
"Neji, she's our guest, don't be an asshole," I said.
Neji glared at me, not understanding but knowing he'd been insulted; I met his glare, not trying to be hostile but not backing down either. Before our staring contest got too intense Hitomi put a hand on my shoulder. I broke my gaze at Neji and looked up to her.
"It fine, friend," she said.
My eyes just about bulged out of my skull, and Neji looked just as surprised.
"You learned his language after a single day of being taught?!" he asked.
"I've memorized word for word translation but I don't know how English is written or its sentence structure," Hitomi smirked. "He also didn't teach me any curse words, but I think anyone could tell the word asshole is some sort of insult."
"Which shouldn't be spoken during breakfast," said Hikari. She had just walked in on our conversation and was carrying a large platter with four plates of food on it.
I chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of my head.
"Heh, sorry Ma."
"It's all right Hizashi, I think we've gotten used to it by now," said Mom, passing out the plates.
"You mean I can swear all I want in English with no consequences? Whoo-hoo!" I exclaimed.
Mom placed my plate in front of me and pet my head.
"Don't push it."
She walked over to her seat and sat down. I looked down at the meal, it was rice, miso soup and some tamagoyaki. I looked back over at Hikari, she had picked up her chopsticks and had started eating, so I picked up mine and dug into the meal.
The four of us ate in silence for awhile.
"Hitomi-san?" asked Hikari. "I'm afraid I must ask, how is it that you recovered from your breakdown so quickly? It's only been a few days."
Hitomi sighed, and placed her chopsticks on the table.
"In truth, I'm not fully recovered. I still haven't quite come to terms with the fact that I am a murderer, and I still can't focus on memories of my old family without bursting into tears," Hitomi took a shaky breath. "The reason I appear fine is that while I have rejected Danzo's brainwashing, I still know almost all of the techniques that were taught to me in ROOT, including suppressing various aspects of my psyche."
"Wait, you're suppressing your memories?" I asked.
"And my feelings of grief, shame, and self-disgust," said Hitomi.
"I thought you were supposed to stop doing that," I protested.
"Why do you think I'm still in therapy? They're helping me deal with the things I've done, and the loss of my family. They also think that it would be a good idea for me to make some more modern positive memories. As the currently the only positive memories I have are connected to my childhood trauma," explained Hitomi.
"So if you forge a bond with Hizashi, you'll have both positive memories to fall back on, and a reason to live other than duty?" asked Hikari.
"Correct," said Hitomi.
I let out a sigh.
"Gee, no pressure or anything," I said.
Hitomi chuckled.
"Of course not, why would there be?"
I gave her a look.
"I thought I was supposed to do the teasing."
"What is playful banter not allowed here?"
"We're in the Hyuuga compound."
"You let that stop you?"
"Fair point."
Hitomi and I grinned at each other. Neji sighed, closed his eyes and pinched the area between his eyebrows.
"Now I have to deal with two of them," he said.
Mom smiled.
"You might as well get used to it Neji. And not just with these two, playful banter is how a lot of teams keep calm under pressure, so you'll see it often when you become a Genin," she said.
Neji groaned, I pretty sure he was dying inside.
I took a few more bites of my meal, but Hitomi and Mom weren't done talking yet.
"Speaking of forging a bond with Hizashi, I was wondering if I could help him train," said Hitomi.
Mom folded her arms and bit her lip.
"I know he uses a taijutsu style that's nothing like the Gentle Fist," continued Hitomi.
Mom's head snapped up.
"How exactly do you know that?"
Hitomi sighed.
"Danzo ordered me to monitor Hizashi in between teaching sessions. A young boy coming up with an entire language is pretty noteworthy after all. Anyway, I saw his spar with Junichi, and overheard your conversation."
"While it is true that Hizashi's natural style isn't Gentle Fist, members of the Hyuuga clan are still experts in taijutsu. What makes you think you can do better? You said yourself that you're specialty is infiltration, not taijutsu," said Mom.
"I'm also an expert in observation and analysis. There was more than one occasion when I infiltrated an enemy base to study the soldiers' fighting styles. As a result I've studied many different fighting styles and several different forms of taijutsu."
Mom nodded, thoughtfully. After a few minutes she nodded again.
"Very well, you'll help with his training. I'll have to be with you while you're doing it, but your insight would be helpful."
"Thank you Hikari-san," said Hitomi.
I looked down at my meal and sighed.
I was glad Hitomi was going to help me, but something told me this was going to be another long day.