So, in a total epiphany last night, I realized exactly how this will play out. I already knew how it would end, but the parts inbetween the chapter 8 and the last chapter had been abit of a confuzled section of my head. But not anymore. It's getting down to the last chapters. I know that there will be at least 4 more, perhaps 5. However many there are, it'll be coming down to those last moments. So here's a shoutout to... Sorryll, Savvi-Sin, and DarkAngelJudas!
So, uhh, This chapter has two flashbacks to things that happened in the time frame of chapter 8... So keep that in mind and don't get too confused, and if you do get confused... I'm sorry.
Anywho, let us begin. xP
And I apologize if they're abit OOC at one point, I noticed this aswell when I was writing it.
-----
Was it all just a joke?
"And then.... There's those few seconds, and everything seems to go silent, it's like the calm before the storm, and then-" The younger man stopped, awkwardly shifting the suitcase under his arm so that he could clap his hands together, "....Bam!" His grip slipped and the case fell to the tiles below him, and he followed it down, frantically shoving the few of his belongings that had fallen out back in, closing it once more. Jizabel stopped during all this, a blank expression on his face as the younger assistant got back to his feet.
"...But anyway, THAT is what I live for. Really, you haven't lived until you've seen it just... Just go up in flames." His tone mellowed somewhat, and a light smile came across his features as he looked around the busy station. "...Like that train, Wouldn't that be beautiful... Especially when it's going down the country side, late in the night, the warm fires blazing down the tracks.....Then..." He paused, stopping for a moment while the Doctor walked ahead, ignoring his ramblings. "The explosion...That.... God, that would be beautiful."
He was lost in thought for a moment, his hand dipping into his pocket and lightly stroking the box of matches he always kept on his person. However, several seconds had already passed before he came to realize he'd lost his superior in the crowd. A shocked gasp escaped his throat, and he gripped the handle of his suit case, using his other hand to hold his hat on his head as he pushed his way through the crowd to keep up.
Was it a game, Cassian?
The Doctors pace quickened, as he desired nothing more just then to be rid of his imbeciles company, but the arsonist picked up his pace aswell, and in one awkward step he found himself bumping straight into the Doctor. The older man tripped to the side, just as the arsonist jumped back, realizing what he'd done. Jizabel regained his footing, but not before bumping into another person in the busy station, knocking his hat to the ground.
I've never liked games... Was I your revenge? Did you just want to wrong someone else the way that woman wronged you...? Was that the goal?
The other man paused, as both their hands reached for the top hat. It was a temporary brightness to the afternoon, a surprise that someone would even go out of their way to do such a thing, but far more importantly it was a nice break from his painful train of thought.
"Thank you." He remarked, briefly, as he took the hat back from the stranger... Almost dropping it again as his eyes caught a glimpse of the slash across the mans hand, and they widened further as he made brief eye contact with the apparent stranger.
"Cassian?!" He froze, his legs betraying him as the older man turned and continued through the station towards the nearest coach, leaving Jizabel behind him, his feat glued to the floor. Yet what seemed like an eternity had only been a second, and he bolted through the crowd, leaving his suitcase behind him and cutting through the masses giving little regard to several people he'd roughly elbowed to get to the train. He was still too late, however, even from the distance he was at he could see the man boarding, the door closing behind him. Even when he heard the train pulling out of the station he continued his fight through the crowd, as if some little voice told him he could still make it.
"Doctor! ...Hey! Doctor!" The arsonist tripped in behind him, gasping for breath as the train pulled out of the station, leaving only smoke and steam in its wake. He let out a heavy breath, dropping both his suitcase, and Jizabels, onto the ground beside him. "...Something wrong...?"
He paused staring into the distance before adjusting his glasses and walking away, giving no response to his new subordinate, who grumbled incoherently before pulling both suitcases up off the ground and continuing after him.
Yes. I'm fine. I'm just fine now...
----
"Are you ready?"
"Yes."
....
"Cassia- ...Ah!...." Jizabel winced, his fingernails briefly stabbing against Cassians back.
"...Did I hurt you?"
The younger man took a breath, his grip on Cassians shoulders loosening.
"... N-no... Don't stop."
"...Jizabel, I don't want to hurt-"
"Then..." He winced, lifting his head up to whisper in his partners ear. "...Just do it..."
The younger man pulled back away from him, his head falling back against the pillow, his long hair catching the moons beams of light. "...It's alright, please, don't stop."
Cassian leaned forward, planting a soft and reassuring kiss on the doctors forehead before thrusting into him. He paused momentarily, waiting for the pained expression to leave the doctors face before pulling out slowly again.
"Relax."
Jizabel nodded, closing his eyes. Cassians motions were slow, and very careful at this point, but the younger man could feel him quicken his pace, his fourth thrust pressing against-
"Ahh..." Jizabels low whimpers were replaced with soft moans, as he closed his eyes and rocked slowly in attempts to keep up with Cassians much faster pace. The older man lowered his head again, dipping one of his hands under Jizabels head and pulling him up into a deep kiss...
----
Cassian swallowed, pulling the door to the compartment shut before sliding into his seat, his head falling into his hand. He was alone at this time, apart from another man in his mid fifties who was asleep with his head leaning against the window, his bag tucked under his seat. Cassian swallowed, rubbing his head before glancing back out the window, though failing to see much more of the station vanishing behind him.
I should've talked to him... I should have just talked to him.
He hadn't expected to have a run in with him there, he didn't even know what to say or do. That moment had only lasted a few minutes, a few minutes that he'd easily let slip past him. There was no going back now, it had to wait till later. It had to wait until it was all over, until nothing stood in their way.
Later? Will there be a later?
His throat went dry, as images of death, of Jizabels scars, bled through his head. He'd thought of that already, but the doctor had to hang in there... He had to.
Does he even trust me? Does he even believe I'll come back?
Memories of that night spun through his mind, the lacerations across the younger mans arm all too vivid. That was when he was still with him, what was that kid capable of alone? He shuddered, shifting uneasily in his seat, a nauseous feeling rising in his stomach... but he kept it down, trying to focus on the now, and on the future. After what Jizabel had told him that night, now that he knew the full extent of what the Cardmaster had done to him... He had to be saved. It no longer a matter of giving him a second chance, he deserved is first chance back... He had to live.
Just please, I'll come back for you, just stay alive.... Just don't kill yourself before I get there...
----
"J-Jizabel, I.... Ahh...."
Having reached his climax several seconds after the young doctor, the elder man exhaled, before pulling out and falling rolling to his side. The younger of the two was silent for a moment, before turning his head to Cassian.
"...That was...." He swallowed, still at a loss for words as Cassian reached his hand towards him, wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead. "...That was amazing, Cassian, that..." The older man smiled, pulling him into another kiss, cutting him off midsentence. He accepted it, in turn pressing his own tongue against the older ones lower lip, Cassian in turn opening his mouth further and letting him in. This last second spurt of passion only lasted briefly, however, before Jizabel pulled away from him and fell back against the pillow.
"...Too... tired..."
Cassian nodded, agreeing fully with this statement as he sat up, pulling a blanket up over their bodies before snuggling up closer to his partner.
"...You keep silencing me." Jizabel remarked groggily, referring to that last kiss.
"Did it really need to be said?" He sighed, stroking the doctors cheek.
"No." He said, his lips spreading to a light smile. "...I suppose it didn't."
Cassian closed his eyes, the hand that had been on Jizabels cheek reaching down to wrap around the young mans waste, as sleep came to claim him.
....
"...Cassian?"
"Nhhggg....What...?" The older man blinked his eyes open to see Jizabel lying beside him, now staring wistfully at the ceiling. "...I thought you were tired...?" He sat up abit, leaning against his elbow on the pillow.
Jizabel paused, before turning back to face him, the smile that had so beautifully graced his features gone again, and whatever ecstasy that he had previously felt long passed.
"I am....but.... I'm not sure if I can even sleep..."
"...What can I do?"
He took a breath, trying to recall what he had even awoken Cassian for. It wasn't as if it couldn't wait, and did it really matter? How did it matter? Cassian already knew too much, and now he'd done too much, They'd done too much. There was no going back, and pushing him away wouldn't work anymore. He hardly wanted it to work anymore.
"Cassian...How much do you know?"
"...Know about-"
"About me." His brow furrowed as he leaned his head forward against Cassians chest, this small attempt at hiding proving utterly ridiculous, although he felt better not being able to Cassians face then... He could understand why ostriches enjoyed this sort of thing.
"Well...I...." Cassian bit his lip, unsure how to respond, worried about how the wrong answer would effect the night. "...You're not how alot of people try to interpret you... You're not the devil incarnate... You do have human emotions, alot more human then anyone else left in this damned city... You're very intelligent, but sometimes you don't use it when you need it most... You don't trust anyone, you've been wronged before, and you've seen only the worst side of others, so you think all people are alike..." He paused, taking a moment to stroke Jizabels hair, feeling the younger mans soft, yet uneven, breaths against his chest. "...You love animals. It's...It's as if this light comes on when you're around them... but you don't like all animals, I've seen you get just a tiny bit nervous around some of them, but even then you don't hate them, you wouldn't kill them. You just don't think that way.... and, even though you don't like people... You think I'm alright." He added that last remark with a short smile, just as Jizabel raised his head, fighting back both tears, and a chuckle at his last comment.
"...Just 'alright'?"
"I didn't want to get ahead of myself."
The younger man smiled, hugging Cassian tightly as a few tears fell down his face, dripping onto his lovers chest. "You know that isn't... what I meant..."
Cassian nodded, holding him close.
"I know...." Cassian swallowed, Although he'd known earlier that his attempt at altering the conversation would be in vain. "... I suppose I don't know very much. I know he hurt you... I know you used to live outside of London, somewhere peaceful... You had older sisters, didn't you?"
Jizabel nodded, solemnly, an ill feeling rising in his stomach at their very mention.
"..I wasn't sure, it was just something I overheard Cassandra say... I never knew if that was true or not-"
"I barely knew them, just barely remember their names and faces.... Alice and Frances used to play skipping games out in the fields, and mother would always tell them to include me, not to leave me out..." He smiled, however faintly, torn between a fond memory and blatant misery. "...It wasn't as if they really wanted a boy playing with them."
Cassian smiled, as Jizabel spoke for a few minutes more, recollecting a few small memories of his childhood, though most of these memories were as far back as he could go. But still... He was smiling, and he loved to see him smile. Always. The older man kissed his forehead, as Jizabels third brief story came to a close, and he brought up something else in response to Jizabels earlier question of just 'how much' he knew.
"...What about..." he frowned, unsure whether he was walking a fine line or not, "...What about Snark?"
He immediately knew he had said something wrong, and he felt the younger man shake, a startled whimper escaping his throat.
"...How do you.... how do you know about...."
"You've mentioned that name sometimes, when you're asleep...."
Jizabel swallowed, pulling away from Cassians embrace and rolling over in the bed to face away from him, his steely gaze facing towards the window at the moons calm light. "What have I said in my sleep...?"
Cassian raised a hand, about to set in on his shoulder before recoiling, as if Jizabels pale skin would be red hot, or venomous.
"You... haven't said much..... I'm sorry I asked."
"....Don't be."
Silence fell between them, as Jizabel wrapped the blanket abit tighter around his body.
"....Who was Snark?"
Silence again, broken only by Jizabels ragged breaths as he tried to fight away the illness he was feeling, and force back his memories. Still, Cassians touch was what he wanted, Cassian could make it feel just a little bit better, even if it-
He took in a sharp breath, as he felt Cassian scoot closer to him again, wrapping his arms around him. He looked down, briefly thinking how perfect Cassians hand looked against his own chest, pulling him close.
"...Snark was....my best friend.... my only..." He closed his eyes as the nausea hit him, but Cassian rested his head on Jizabels shoulder for a minute, just beside his ear.
"It's fine. You don't have to tell me now, it's alright..." he whispered... but Jizabel pushed him back, rolling over again to face him.
"I can tell you..."
"What happened...?"
Without a word he leaned against Cassians own shoulder, in turn whispering in the older mans ear a story that he never had wished to recall, but knew he had to now more than ever... and knowing that if anyone would listen, if anyone would understand, it would be him. That was the only reason, the only way. Cassian could know, because Cassian would care, could care...
And when he fell asleep in his lovers arms almost an hour later, his shattered childhood laid bare, and then accepted... He slept easy with the realization that that single night had been the greatest experience of his entire life.
----
"Jizabel?"
The doctor turned, a state of unease falling over him at the Carmasters voice.
"...Yes?"
Jizabel had been on his way to the courtyard when he'd shown his face. He could only assume he knew what was coming. It could be any number of things really, but he had made the guess it had something to do with the medicine he'd been slipping to Riff. The last thing he needed now was for that demon to come out of his shell ahead of schedule.
"Come this way, please." Alexis said, in a calm and professional matter, as he unrolled the wip in his hands. "We'll continue this conversation in a more private area."
Jizabel scowled, there was even a smile twisting up in that sick mans face. This was business, nothing more, nothing less. Just a regular transaction, possibly something he'd even scheduled for this exact time today. Jizabel raised an eyebrow, his arms crossed and his eyes locked on the wip.
"Might I be informed of my misdemeanor?"
He chuckled in response, crossing over to lay a hand on his sons shoulder, in a way any father would, but the sadistic gleam in his eye took all the innocence from the action.
"I think it's abit more than a misdemeanor, boy, but to answer you're question... I shall inform you inside."
He raised a hand, gesturing towards the door back into the building, but Jizabel stared right past him.
"No...I'd rather stay here." With little more then that, he started at the first button at the edge of his collar, soon tossing his coat, shirt, and tie into a pile on the floor, finally removing his glasses from the bridge of his nose, setting them more gently on top of the rest of his clothing.
"Well?"
The Cardmaster paused, as if dumbfounded by this behavior, but proceeded to laugh, giving his usual comments towards his sons more masochistic tendencies.
"On your knees then." He said, pointing to the ground. Jizabel failed to share his enthusiasm, however, his face just as cold as before without even the slightest hint of concern, let alone actual fear.
"My... crime?" There was a bite in his tone, a clear disgust not in the punishment, but the timing of the punishment. The Cardmasters patience, however was running out.
"Get... Down." He said, with a tone that mocked Jizabels own, as he gripped his sons hair tightly, using it to pull him to the grass beneath him. He straightened back up, pacing around until he was behind Jizabel, all the while tapping the handle of the wip in his hand.
"If you ask nicely, I'll get you something to bite down on. Something to distract you from the pain. I might even lessen the punishment if you plead."
"...You already know my answer, you filthy-"
A snap echoed through the courtyard, most likely resounding through the entire headquarters. Jizabels fingers dug into the ground, tearing up grass and dirt beneath them.
"I don't care for your harsh language, Jizabel."
Another crack of the wip, crossing over the previous cut and timed precisely to inflict the most pain. Alexis knew the best methods, he always had, there had never been a time when his punishments were any less agonizing... nor could he recall them ever being any worse in the past. Another crack, splitting the air before coming down on the torn flesh. He'd like to have said that they were more painful before, but perhaps that belief was only reenforced by how much he'd cried the first few times. How much he'd screamed those times before he'd gone numb. Another... Another...
A droplet of blood fell beneath his head, and it took him a moment to realize that it had come from his mouth, and that he'd bitten so hard into his lower lip that it was dripping onto the grass beneath him. Another snap of the wip. Strange, that he was even biting his lip... was he caving in quicker today then usual?
He gasped, realizing he hadn't taken a breath since it had started, and, in doing so, his arms nearly buckled under him as the wip came down again.
"...Wh-what... did I... do...?"
There was no answer, though as the wip cracked again he sank back into his numbed state, questioning why he'd even asked such an idiotic question. Father probably had no actual reason anyway... The suns light in the courtyard had been completely eclipsed by the cardmasters shadow, at least from his view, and he couldn't help but feel closer to the ground now... His gaze went back down to the small droplets of blood below his face, and in turn he came to realize that it was now his full forearm supporting his weight, and no longer just his hands against the damp grass. He shuddered, raising his head as he noticed a few specks of blood forming a short trail in the grass infront of him. Odd...That can't be mine... Another crack of this wip, though he had long since stopped noticing them. Are those... feathers....? He squinted, gazing at the blood splattered ahead of him, and realizing that littering the grass there were, infact, feathers. Down feathers? Another snap, followed shortly by Alexis' foot pressing down onto Jizabels torn back, forcing him flat against the ground.
"...and yet you continue to dirty yourself, drowning in your own sin... You've certainly gone father then I'd ever have predicted."
Another snap of the wip. Had he been talking to me? He must have, but if he had, then he hadn't the faintest idea when he'd started.
"I've never felt the need to correct these things, but now..."
Another snap. I can't even hear you.... How long have you been speaking? Were you answering my question....? Father?
"....Yet just like Jezebel..."
The wip fell from his hands, dropping to the ground as Alexis pulled Jizabels head up, bringing him to face him.
"...You've become quite the filthy whore...."
Do...Do you know already??
"...You've even done your best recently to twist the foundation of this organization, really it seems like everyone you get involved with just turns against me.... although that may just be coincidence...."
He let go of him, knocking him back to the ground before rolling the wip back up in his hand.
"You should be aware by now that I have several of my men keeping a close eye on you, if you continue to challenge me, my tolerance will eventually run out. You've hardly completely anything I've ordered you to do, but perhaps you've just been distracted... Well, both High Priest Cassandra and that... assistant of yours are gone from the premises, and I've also taken the liberty to remove any other distractions."
He gripped his sons arm, pulling the younger man to his feat, though doing his best not to get any blood on his clothing. With a sharp jerk he drug him towards the tree that centered yard, the same tree that came up to the balcony in his room, where the doves roosted. His eyes were still on the ground, as the trail of blood became thicker, and a few larger feathers littered the path.
With a forceful push Alexis shoved his son down to his knees, knocking him to the base of the tree where the corpses of his flock had been scattered, their bodies reduced to feathers, blood, and entrails. Their wings smashed and torn off, their heads snapped backwords, never to sing again.
"Be thankful I let them live this long"
And with that he left, leaving his son in near the same broken state as when he'd dropped his fork to the dining room floor, coughing up the remains of his best friend onto the carpet.
----
Yayyy, more pain and angst. Oh, and no song lyrics again. Sadness. ;-;
I'm watching Alice in Wonderland right now. The 1999 one. That reminds me, I named Jizabels sisters. Oh joy, They're Alice and Frances. Alice because... 'cause it's Alice. Frances, 'cause I just played a victorian brat named Frances in a play. You'll be seeing more of them in the future of this fic. It's funny, I'm sitting here trying to write fractions Jizabels childhood, while Sorryll is diving into the tales of the boymanthing. (Inside joke.) Anyway, I thought about giving them names of biblical relevance, but I re-thought it entirely... I believe, or at least I believe it in this fic, that Jizabels sisters are not Alexis'... Therefore he didn't really have any "YAR! IMMA GONNA RUIN YOUR LIFE, CUS IVE ALREADY PLANNED UR LIFE FOR U. LULZ."
So yeah, Jizabel and his sisters don't share the same father, but the two sisters were both from the same man...
So, I suppose nothing has been answered yet... I assure you, there was a good reason for Cassians leaving... Well, not so much a good reason, but a reason and an answer... and all this stuff. xP