My Ship trilogy

by deb-h

Amy says: "A cruel twist in fate begins this epic tale-in-progress chronicling the end of my innocence." Most recently posted is the nineteenth part, in which there are quite a lot of confrontations. The title "My Ship" now refers to parts 1-6, and "Down for the Count" to parts 7-19. M for strong language and some sexual content.

13. Down for the Count part 7: Distract

Down for the Count, seventh part: Distract

by Deb H

---

Sunday 19 August 3004

"She'll be here in a few minutes," I said to the others. "Best behaviour."

"Best behaviour?" Fry aksed.

I said, "No, no, no. Better than that. Good behaviour."

I was standing in one corner of the conference room, near the door to the lounge. Fry, Bender, Cubert, Hermes, Zoidberg, and Amy were sitting at the table.

"I always behave good," Bender said.

"Good by whose standards?" I aksed him.

"The only standards that matter."

"Yours?"

"No. Come on! How vain do you think I am? No, I aim to reach a much higher standard: ISO 9001."

"Please," Cubert scoffed. "How could the ISO 9001:3000 standard possibly apply to a bending unit?"

"Don't you remember the results of our last audit?" Bender aksed. He opened his chest compartment and held up a diploma:

ISO 69001 Certified
This is to certify that Bender Bending Rodriguez is fully compliant with all requirements of the ISO 69001 standard and is authorised for use in all ISO 69001 operating environments

There was a signature at the bottom that I couldn't read.

"How come your name is written in crayon?" Amy aksed.

"Wait a minute!" Cubert cried. "That says ISO sixty nine thousand one!"

"Sweet little twerp of Antwerp!" Hermes gasped as he peered at the certificate. "De little twerp is right! 69001 is a different number than 9001!"

"What's the big deal? It's more! I'm sixty thousand ISOs more compliant!" Bender clanged his fist against his chassis.

Hermes said, "Bender, mon, you're not ISO nine thousand one compliant after all! You're ISO sixty nine thousand one compliant!"

There was a dramatic chord.

"Sorry," Hermes said. "Text from me wife." He pulled his cell phone telephone out of his pocket and, as he opened it up, waved his other hand. "Please, proceed."

"What is the ISO 69001 standard, anyway?" Cubert aksed.

"Porn," Bender told him. "I'm fully compliant with all of the latest standards for formatting, storing, and transmitting pornographic images, videos, and stories."

"Stories?" Fry aksed. "Wait. Do you have my story?"

"Sure," Bender said. "I dispositioned it in accordance with the ISO 69001 standard. It says exactly what to do with stories like yours."

"What?"

"Delete it!" Bender shouted. "Ha ha ha ha! Aw, don't feel bad, meatbag. I've deleted a lot of stories over the years. In fact, I've deleted all of you guys's stories. Except for one."

"Which one?" Zoidberg aksed. "Is it mine, maybe?"

"You wish, squiddy! No, it's the one about the fembot with the great rack, only she's not satisfied with it, so she hot swaps it for something bigger, and then again, and again, until she's so full of silicon, and she just downloads all over this guybot, and... excuse me a moment."

As Bender ran off, Zoidberg said, "But that was my story!"

I sighed and entered the lounge. Amy followed me in, saying, "Hey Leela."

"Hey," I said.

"Nervous?" she aksed.

"No," I said, perhaps a bit too quickly. "Why should I be nervous?"

She said, "Um... because it's your first time introducing your parents to someone that you're going out with? Because you haven't yet gotten the nerve to tell them that you're in love with a girl? Because they're going to find out the hard way? Because you have absolutely no idea how they're going to react? Oh, I know. It's because you haven't told her that your parents don't know yet and that they think it's just a pleasant dinner with their daughter and her friend and not a 'Mom and Dad, I'm a lesbian, and this is the fellow lesbian that I've been lesbianing with' dinner."

I glared at her.

"So is that why you're nervous?" she aksed.

About then, the doorbell rang.

I hurried downstairs.

"Hey babe," Jazenny said when I opened the door for her.

"Hey."

We kissed, and then I held onto fifty percent of her hands.

"You look great," she said.

I answered, "I look the same as I always do."

"Yeah," she responded. "And you always look great."

I took a step back, still holding her hands.

She looked the same as she always did, too. She always wore a blue-gray sleeveless blouse underneath a black leather jacket. Today, she had on the black leather miniskirt and gladiator sandals that she usually wore. The sandals had a low heel and straps up to her upper calf.

If we were getting together for a more outdoors activity, like hiking or gravitational wave sailing, she would wear black capri pants and sneakers instead. But that would always disappoint me – her legs looked fantastic in those sandals. Those long, perfectly toned legs of hers seemed to extend halfway to the end of the Universe.

"You look great too," I finally said.

Still holding my hands, she pulled me close. She ran the fingers of her other hands down the shoulder straps of my tank top, then slipped them underneath so that she was groping my breasts.

I closed my eye and murmured, "Ohhhh."

My heart fluttered.

My knees started to go weak.

My pussy started to catch fire.

"Hey Jazenny," I heard behind me.

"Oh," Jazenny said. "Hey Amy."

Jazenny left me to give Amy a hug.

I took a moment to spin down, and then I led Jazenny upstairs.

I introduced her to the others, one at a time. When I got to Fry, Jazenny said, "Hey. I've heard a lot about you."

"You have?" he aksed, looking nervously at me.

"Yeah," Jazenny said. "Good things, though."

Fry answered, "Well, I just want to make clear that I had no way of knowing that series 3 robopuppies have a secret kill mode that's activated by a line from Borat. It's a completely undocumented feature. Anyone could have made that mistake. Also, it was Bender's fault."

There was a pause.

"Yeah," I replied. To Jazenny, I said, "So I'm just gonna visit the bathroom, and then we can go?"

"Sure."

I thought about giving myself a quickie in the bathroom. Jazenny had really made me horny, feeling me up like that.

She would do that to me anywhere, at any time. She didn't seem to have much of a sense of decorum or of modesty.

That was what I hated about her.

And what I loved about her.

When I returned to the conference room, only Amy and Cubert were still there. Amy looked up, briefly, from her laptop and pointed to the lounge.

I stepped into the lounge, just in time to hear a crunch.

I didn't recognise the sound at first.

Then I heard another sound, one I was all too familiar with.

This one was the sound of Fry howling in pain.

In a flash, I reached behind Jazenny and yanked her arms backward, just as I had at the resort when she was trying to check in.

"Fuck is the matter with you?!" I shouted into her ear. "What the fuck did you do that for, you goddamn psycho?"

"He was aksing for it," Jazenny replied.

I turned her around and looked at her.

She simply looked at me, surprised.

It seemed like she was surprised at me, rather than at Fry.

She seemed to be surprised that I was reacting this way.

I shoved her out of the way and helped Fry onto the couch. I aksed him if he was okay.

"Yeah," he said. "I think so."

I tilted his head back and looked around me.

"What do you need?" Jazenny aksed.

"Tissues. And an ice pack."

"I'll get it," she said. She hurried out of the room before I could aks her if she knew where they were.

"Breathe through your mouth," I said to Fry as I closed his nostrils to stop the bleeding. "I don't think anything is broken."

"Good."

"What the hell happened?" I aksed him.

He shrugged. "I was asking for id."

"What?" I said. "Don't be insane, Fry. She had no right to do that. I don't care what stupid ass thing you said to her. She could really have hurt you."

"Omigod!" Amy shouted behind me. "Fry, are you okay?"

"I'm fide," he said. "By face can dake a lod of pudishmend."

Amy handed me some tissues. I held them to Fry's nose to soak up the blood.

"Here's the ice pack," Jazenny said.

I held out my hand, not looking toward her. I put the pack on his nose as soon as I felt its weight in my hand.

"Hold that there," I said to him. He lifted up a hand and held the pack down.

Once he was in a more or less safe configuration, I stood up and snapped at Jazenny, "You wanna tell me what the fuck you were thinking? If anything?"

She held out all of her hands, palms down. "Eel, just calm down," she said. "I told you, he was aksing for it."

I stared at her for a moment.

"You know, he pisses me off all the time," I said. "But I just give him a slap. No need to bust up his nose."

"She's righd, Leela," Fry said. "I was asking for id."

"You stay out of this!" I insisted. Then, thinking better of it, I said, "No, wait. What did you say? Fry, tell me exactly what you said to her."

"I said... well, I said, 'Hey, you're a boggzer, righd?' And she was like, 'Yeah.' And I was like, 'So what duzzit feel like to get bunched in the face by a pro boggzer?' And she was like, 'Are you sure you wanna find out?' And I was like, 'Yeah. Go ahead. Bunch me.'"

"Punch?" Amy said.

"Yeah," Fry said. "Bunch."

I looked over my shoulder at Jazenny.

She folded all her arms and gave me an icy glare.

I opened my mouth, about to say something.

"Wait," Fry said.

I turned back to him. "What? What is it?"

He pointed to Jazenny and said, "Did... did you just call her 'Eel'?"

"Oh lord," I sighed.

Jazenny took a couple of steps toward Fry and said, "Yeah. I... I call her that. You know. Like, if you take the first and last letters off her name."

"That's pretty funny," Fry said.

I looked away. I could feel my face getting hot.

"And sometimes she moves like an eel, too," Jazenny said. "Like when I take my finger and –"

"I think we'd better get going," I said. "Fry, are you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah. I'll be fide."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah. You guys go ahead."

"Okay."

I got up and tried to leave, but Jazenny stopped when I was halfway out the door.

"Hey, um... sorry about that, Fry," Jazenny said.

"Id's oghay," he answered. "I'll be fide."

"Good."

Fry added, "It was good to meet you. I can see why Leela lighes you."

"Why she what?" Jazenny aksed him.

"Lighes you."

"Oh, likes me. Why does she like me?"

"She lighes seeing you hurd people."

"That's not true!" I exclaimed.

"It kinda is," she said to me. "Remember when I knocked out Penelope Binaglia?"

"What?" I aksed.

"Come on, you remember. You were all like, 'That's right, you little bitch! Don't you fuck with my woman!'"

"That's not what I said!"

"It totally was!" she insisted. "All night you were going on about that last knockout punch! You kept talking about how it looked, and how it sounded. You could not shut up about the way her face got distorted for that split second!"

"All right, let's go," I sighed.

"All right. See you later, Fry. Nice to meet you. And sorry again."

"It's oghay," he called out as we left. "Have a good dime, you guys."

I led Jazenny to the personhole cover, and we climbed down the ladder into the sewers.

When we reached the bottom, I started to lead the way, but Jazenny wasn't following.

"What?" I aksed.

She answered, "You've been awfully quiet."

"Jaze," I said, "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"You know," I responded. "I... I thought you had gotten into a fight with him. I thought he, you know, said something to you."

"He did say something."

"I mean, I thought he said something... you know... inappropriate."

"Inappropriate?" Jazenny aksed.

"Yeah. I thought maybe he was going to tell you to stay away from me or something."

"Oh. I thought you meant inappropriate like... like dirty."

I giggled.

Jazenny went on, "You know, like, maybe he was going to aks for a video of us doing it."

"What?!" I aksed her.

"See?" she said. "That would be inappropriate."

"It sure would," I replied. "But he would never say that."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Because he knows if he did, I would punch him."

Jazenny laughed, and then she pulled me in for a kiss.

"All right, Eel," she said when we were finished. "Lead the way."

With two of her hands holding one of mine, I showed her the way to my parents' house.

Just after we passed the lake, she aksed me, "So have you told them yet?"

"Not... not exactly," I answered.

"That's okay," Jazenny said. "I came up with a way to break it to them gently."

"You did?"

"Yeah."

"What is it?"

"I was thinking I could just say, you know, 'Hey, a funny thing happened on the way to your daughter's pussy.'"

I stopped in my tracks.

She sighed. "Just trying to lighten things a little, babe," she said. "You're so tense."

"Yeah, I know," I said as I began to walk again. "It's just... I don't know what to expect."

"Well, whatever it is, we'll find out together."

"Yeah."

I stopped again.

"What is it?" Jazenny aksed, softly.

"We're here."

"Oh," she replied.

"Hang on," I said. "Let me fix your hair."

Jazenny bent down a little as I rearranged her hair.

It was probably unnecessary, as her hair always did the exact same thing. It formed a short black fauxhawk, which stuck up about as high as Fry's hair. She would mat it down to put on her boxing helmet.

Ever since she met me, she had begun matting it toward the front, into her eyes, instead of toward the back.

Finally Jazenny reached up and took my hands in two of her own. Her other hands took me by the waist.

"Sweetheart?" she said.

"Yeah?"

"You can do it."

I closed my eye and nodded.

We kissed, more quickly and more chaste than before, and she released me.

I breathed in.

I turned to the door.

I raised my hand.

I breathed out.

I knocked.

We heard shouting from the other side of the door. "Munda, take cover! It's those freak normals from the surface! They've already got our daughter, and now they want us!"

I looked at Jazenny with a nervous laugh. She started to say something, but then my father opened the door.

"Ha ha! I'm just playing around, you know," he said. "I don't think your friends are freaks. I just nod silently when everyone else says that they are, and then I come home to my wife and tell her what assholes everyone else is for thinking that they're freaks."

He gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and then he and Jazenny shook hands.

"Hi Mr Turanga," Jazenny said. "My name's Jazennifer."

"Call me Morris. Good to meet you. Come on in. Do you work with my daughter too?"

"No, I don't."

"So how do you know her?" my father aksed as he led us into the living room.

"Well, she... helps me train. I'm a boxer."

"Yeah, boxing," I said. "I help her work out."

"Oh, I see," he said. "Getting all hot and sweaty. I know exactly what you mean." He elbowed Jazenny's arm.

"What?" I aksed.

"Oh, relax, sweetheart. We know."

"What?!" I aksed again.

"Yeah, we've known the whole time. I think it's great. She's awful pretty. You could do a lot worse, Leela. Remember that guy you told me about?"

"Who?"

"You know. That one guy you slept with, only he turned out to be a creep."

"Zapp Brannigan," my mother said from the kitchen doorway.

"Hey!" I said.

"No, not him," my father responded.

"Alkazar," she said.

"What the hell?" I said, holding my arms up. "Mom, I'm right here!"

"Not him either."

"Chaz," my mother said.

"No, wasn't him either."

"I didn't even sleep with that guy!" I protested.

"Wait," Jazenny said. "What's this about Zapp Brannigan?"

"What?" I aksed.

"Zapp Brannigan. You slept with him?"

"Does it matter?"

"Well, no," Jazenny answered. "It's just, you never mentioned him, is all."

"The topic didn't exactly come up!"

"Well, it's fine. Just seems like the kind of thing that, you know, that you would want to mention, even if it didn't come up naturally. You know, something like, 'Hey, you know that most decorated general in history, the one who saved us from the alien space balls who were gonna invade? I did him.' I would have thought that would be something to bring up at some point in the last four months, two weeks, and six days that we've –"

"Hold it, hold it! Zapp Brannigan didn't save us from the balls!"

"Oh really? Were you there?" Jazenny aksed me.

"Yes, I was! They're a perfectly peaceful race that we blew to bits because he's an incompetent idiot! What they've got is what he needs! All he does is dirty deeds! They're just space balls!"

"See, now that seems like another thing that would warrant mention, that you were there. Were you actually serving? In the military?"

"Yeah, I was sent in to fight them."

"But women can't even go into combat zones."

"I posed as a guy," I said.

"Well... wait! That... there's another thing! You were serving in the military in drag!"

"That's not even drag!"

"Okay, you're right. Reverse drag. Gard. Gard? Is that it? D-R-A... yeah, that's it. How did you even get into the military as a guy? Why?"

"Fry and Bender enlisted! I had to keep them from getting themselves blown up!"

"They enlisted? What the hell for?"

"They just wanted the discount, but then all of a sudden we ended up at war, and they got mobilised, and... this isn't the point! The point is, Zapp Brannigan didn't do shit!"

"You watch your language in this house, missy!" my mother shouted, having gone back into the kitchen.

"Sorry, Mom!" I shouted back. To Jazenny, I continued, "The point is, Zapp Brannigan didn't do anything! Bender and Fry saved us!"

"They saved us?" Jazenny aksed, incredulously. "The story just keeps getting better! So what happened? Did you and General Brannigan get stuck at base, thinking that it was about to get bombed, and you just kinda said to each other, 'What the hell? Might as well go out with a bang'? Because that's what I would do. Even if he is a guy."

"No. No! It was before."

"Before? You met him before the war with the balls?"

"Yes!"

"And you slept with him then!"

"Yes!"

"You did General Zapp Brannigan!" Jazenny shouted, sounding starstruck. "I can't believe this! You did a famous war hero! Omigod! That means, like, I have a Brannigan number of two now! What was he like? I always imagined him as like, totally confident, totally awesome, like that Most Interesting Manbot in the Universe, you know? In those 01011000 01011000 commercials? Is that what he's like? No, wait! He's even more awesome, I bet! Right? Right?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you! He's not a war hero! He's a stupid, pompous, arrogant cocksucker!"

"Language!" my mother shouted.

"Sorry!"

"And you never told me all this?" Jazenny aksed.

"You've never told me about your exes!"

"But none of mine are the commanding general of the DOOP armed services!"

"Why should it matter who I've slept with?"

"I just want to know! That's all!" Jazenny yelled, spreading all her arms. "I just want you to feel like you can share anything with me! I just want you to open up, Eel! I mean, I'll tell you who I've slept with!"

"Whom," my father said.

"That's the point!" I shouted back, getting more passionate. I took Jazenny's hands and continued, "I don't care who you've slept with! I'll love you anyway! I love you, Jaze!"

"I love you, Eel!"

We kissed.

I always thought that post-argument kisses were the best. You've both worked up a sweat, you've got your blood boiling over, you're not thinking clearly. Then, in a heartbeat, passionate anger transforms into passionate desire. Usually, in those kisses, at least one leg ends up wrapped around the other person, and one of you tends to get slammed into the wall.

As we kissed, my right leg lifted up off the ground and wrapped itself around Jazenny's legs. Our hands wrapped behind each other's heads, and Jazenny's remaining hands wrapped around my ass.

Jazenny slammed me into the wall, and we slid to the left and crashed into the bookcase displaying my parents' collection of my stuff. A couple of pictures flopped off their stands, and one of them tumbled onto the floor.

Jazenny finally broke away from me, but we were still staring into each other's eyes, despite the tears flowing from them.

But then we finally noticed my parents.

My father was staring at us.

My mother, leaning in from the doorway to the kitchen, was staring at us.

"Oh, isn't that sweet," my mother said. "I hate to tear you away from her, Leela, but could you come in here and give me a hand? I need someone with opposable thumbs."

"Get Dad to do it," I sighed.

"Someone tall with opposable thumbs."

"I'll do it," Jazenny said, letting go of me, though reluctantly.

"Someone tall with no more than two opposable thumbs."

I said, "Mom, are you trying to tell me to come to the kitchen?"

"Well, if you're not too busy right now."

"Fine."

I leaned over and gave Jazenny a quick kiss.

She pinched my ass as I turned away.

I glared at her over my shoulder, but I didn't keep my mother waiting.

"Hello, Jazenny," my mother said, waving a tentacle. "I'm Munda. It's so nice to meet you. Would you give us a moment?"

I stepped into the kitchen, and my mother closed the door behind me.

"She seems nice," she said.

"More than that," I said. "Mom, she's... she's exactly what I've been looking for. She's beautiful, and she's funny, and she's... well, she's one of the best boxers I've ever seen. She's taken down so many fighters stronger than her. It's incredible to watch."

"Well, that's nice."

"And she sings too. Just... just beautiful. Last weekend we went to a virtual resort. And... well, some crazy things happened there, but one of the things that happened was, she became a... a lounge singer. And she sang this song. She must have written it, because it was about us. Well, it was a little derivative, pretty much formulaic, nothing too daring, but... it was clearly about us."

"Well, good for you. So how is everything else? How's that Fry doing?"

I started to say, "Well, actually, Jazenny kind of..."

"He's nice. We talk to him sometimes."

"You do? Why? How?"

"Well, whenever he calls –"

"What?" I aksed. "Why does Fry call you?"

"Well, I suppose he just likes to talk to us."

"How often does he call?"

"About once a week."

"What? That's more than I call you!"

"Yes, I noticed," my mother said. "He says you're busy, but you both work at that same company, so why would you be more busy than him?"

"Because he's a lazy slob," I sighed.

"How come you never gave him a chance?"

"Again, because he's a lazy slob."

"Why don't we have him over for dinner?" she said. "You can spend some time with him."

"Mom," I said, rubbing my forehead, "are you trying to set me up with Fry?"

"No, I just think he's a nice boy, and we should have him over. And if something happens between you two, well –"

"Mom, I'm with someone. I am very happy with Jazenny. I just told you, she is exactly what I have been searching for all this time."

"Of course, dear," my mother answered. "You know best. I just want to make sure you know you have options."

"Options?"

"Well, you know. It's not going to last forever. And once you've got all that out of your system –"

"All what out of my system?"

"Well, I knew this was going to happen sometime. I mean, with those dyke clothes you wear..."

"'Dyke clothes'?" I aksed, incredulously.

"Not that there's anything wrong with it. It's just, well, it wouldn't kill you to wear a skirt now and then, would it? And once you're over this foolishness –"

"Okay, Mom, that is it!" I snapped. "What is your problem with Jazenny? What's so terrible about me going out with a girl?"

"There's nothing wrong with it. Who said there was anything wrong with it? What about that Amy?"

"What? What about Amy?"

"She seems like a nice girl. And she's rich, too."

"Mom, what is going on? I thought you didn't want me to go out with a girl."

"What?" she aksed. "Who said that? I'm a hundred percent behind you if you want to go out with a girl."

"You are?"

"Of course."

"But you just said..."

I rubbed my forehead again.

My mother started to say, "It's just..."

"What?"

Pointing a tentacle toward the living room, she whispered, "Well, did it have to be her?"

"Give her a chance," I said. "You haven't even met her."

"It's nothing against her. I'm sure she's very nice, or else you wouldn't have... you know..."

"Fallen in love with her. Look, what's the problem?"

She lowered her voice again and leaned in toward me. "Leela, sweetheart, listen to me. It's... it's her kind. The Neptunians. They... they're not to be trusted."

I stepped back for a moment.

After a pause, I shook my head and said, "I... I can't believe what I'm hearing. Since when are... since when are you a racist?"

"Who said anything about racism? I just said, be careful with her. Those people... they're always using you."

"What?! I... will you listen to yourself, Mom? You sound like all those surface dwellers who think we're flesh eating freaks!"

"Well, some of us are flesh eating freaks."

"That doesn't make it okay to be prejudiced!"

"It's not prejudice," my mother said. "I'm just painting her kind with a wide brush and passing judgment on her based on only the barest, most rudimentary information about her, without even the slightest attempt to get to know her as a person. In what way is that prejudice?"

"In all ways!" I retorted. "How can you possibly say anything like that?"

"Leela..."

"Well, I'm not going to stand here and take it! You don't know her! You don't know anything about her! You know those guys I used to go out with? The ones you and Dad were just talking about? Well, she's everything those assholes weren't! I love her!"

"Leela, dear..."

"And you can't keep us apart! In fact... we're engaged!"

I flung the door open and stormed toward the front door, grabbing Jazenny's hands on the way. "Come on," I said to her. "We're going."

"We're what?" Jazenny aksed me.

As I opened the front door, I heard my father saying, "Leela, what..."

I looked over my shoulder.

My father was holding his arms out.

He looked perplexed.

And wounded.

"I'm sorry, Dad," I said.

Then I nodded toward the kitchen. "Take it up with her."

I led Jazenny out and slammed the door behind us.

I stomped about a block and a half along the river of sewage before Jazenny finally stopped me by yanking my hands back.

"Eel!" she said.

"What?"

"Eel, what the... what the hell happened?"

"It's nothing," I said. "Let's just go home."

"Eel..." she said, running her hands down my arms.

Then she looked into my eye.

"You don't want to talk about it?" she aksed.

I sighed.

"I never thought she would be like this!" I shouted. "Never! I couldn't believe it! I said that! I said to her, 'I can't believe what I'm hearing!' I was completely pissed off!"

"What?" Jazenny aksed me. "Was it your mother? Something she said?"

"It's fine, though," I said. "I learned something about her."

"What?"

"I learned she's a fucking racist!"

Those last two words I screamed over my shoulder, back toward my parents' house.

"What?" Jazenny aksed again. "What did... what did she say?"

"She said the Neptunians are... they're 'not to be trusted'."

"Not to be trusted? Why?"

"I don't know."

"Was there, like, a Neptunian that didn't pay her back, or something?"

"I don't know."

"How does she know about Neptunians, anyway?"

"She's an exolinguist. She studies alien languages."

"But has she ever even met a Neptunian? I thought mutants couldn't go on the surface."

"I don't know."

"How can she even study alien languages, anyway? If she doesn't even get to meet them?"

"Jaze, I don't know!"

Jazenny pulled back a little bit.

"Sorry," I said. "It's just... I... I couldn't believe it. Where does she... where does she get the nerve to tell me who I should go out with? That's totally uncalled for!"

Jazenny wrapped me up in a tight hug.

"It's okay," she said.

"I am so fucking furious with her. She's got no right."

"It's okay, Eel."

She gave me a soft, gentle kiss. I let her hold me tight for another few moments, and then we started walking again.

"It's just, I... I didn't know what to expect," I said. "I mean, that's not exactly something you discuss with your parents. Not in advance. I was hoping for something else, but... I was preparing for all possible outcomes."

"Preparing for all possible outcomes?"

"Yeah. Last night... I couldn't sleep last night. Maybe you noticed. I just kept thinking about all the possible scenarios, and what I would do in each one, and what you would do, and... what?"

Jazenny was grinning at me.

"What?" I aksed again.

"That's what you always do, right?" Jazenny answered. "Plan for everything. I mean, I bet you're the kind of person... when you walk into a room, you're already figuring out all the possible escape routes. Right?"

"Well, yeah," I began. "But that's just because we usually have to use them. I mean, do you know we just started delivery service to the planet full of Glenn Beck clones? If we never have to go back to that planet, I'll be so damn delighted. It's always, 'Yes, I'm sure I don't want to buy any gold! No, actually, it does lose value sometimes! No, I don't need to pray on it!'"

Jazenny giggled.

When she settled down, she aksed me, "So... you were prepared for that? You knew what you would do?"

"No," I said. "I... that was the last thing I expected. I thought she might be mad that I was going out with a girl. You know, 'No daughter of mine is going to be a lesbian!' Something like that. But I guess they already knew about us."

"Yeah, how did they know? You hadn't told them yet, right?"

"I think maybe Fry told them. My mother said he calls them a lot."

"He does?"

"I know, right?" I responded. "Kinda weird?"

"It doesn't matter," Jazenny said. "I was hoping your mother would like me, but... well... as long as you like me."

I stopped walking and pulled her close to me. I kissed her, long and sensual.

"Yeah, I like you," I said.

"Good."

I gave her another kiss, this time slipping my hands underneath her blouse. I pulled her bra down and ran my fingers across her breasts.

"Mmmmmm," she said.

This time when she pulled away, something seemed odd.

She traced her fingers up and down my sides for a moment.

Then she looked up at me and said, "Hey, Eel?"

"Yeah?"

"I was kind of curious about the water down here."

"What about it?"

"Well, like, how does it work?" she aksed me. "Does it mutate you the instant you touch it? Or does it, like, take a while to take effect?"

"It's pretty much right away," I said.

"And how much contact would do it? Would you have to be completely submerged?"

"I don't know."

"So you don't know if it works if you just touch, like, a little of it?"

"No, I don't. I was born a mutant, remember? It doesn't do anything for me any more."

"You don't know if you have to fall completely in or if it mutates you if you barely touch it? Like, just your toe?"

"I don't know," I answered. "Why?"

She looked down.

Just before I looked down at her feet, I realised what was strange.

I was taller than her.

And when I turned my gaze downward, I saw my feet at ground level, and hers a little below that.

One of her feet was in the water.

If you're in the sewers, it's a good idea to stay out of any water you see down there.

But Lake Mutagenic is different.

It's been used as a dumping ground for pharmaceutical firms, cosmetics plants, chemistry labs, and just anyone who wants to get rid of something with no questions aksed. Like Bender.

So what happens when you mix drugs that never healed with beauty products that never beautified with solvents that never solved with toxic waste that was never wasted?

There's no telling what bizarre chemical reactions have taken place down there over the centuries. What compounds have formed there that have never been found anywhere else in the Universe?

And, more to the point, which one causes people to turn into horrifying monsters? Monsters like a guy whose entire body is a leg? Monsters like a scaled girl who smokes through her gills?

Monsters like Devo?

We may never know for sure.

But there was one thing I knew for sure.

Seeing my lover down there, with her toe in the waters of Lake Mutagenic, scared the shit out of me.

I looked up at Jazenny again.

"Eel?" she said, her voice quavering.

I couldn't answer. My breath was stuck in my throat.

"I'm sorry, Eel," she said.

Then she let go of me and, all four arms spread out, fell backward, hitting the water with a mighty splash.

"Jaze!" I screamed.

I struggled to get my boots off. I'd left them on last time I dived into the lake, but that was different. There hadn't been any place to leave them then. This time I had the opportunity, so I took it.

Even so, it wasn't like I had much time. I had no idea what was going to happen to Jazenny. Maybe she was mutating into something that couldn't swim. She might need my help.

I was determined to be there for her, but my boots were not cooperating. They just were not coming off my feet.

"Come on, you fucking bastards!" I shouted. "Goddammit! Get the fuck off!"

"Eel?"

I stopped and looked around.

"Jaze?" I aksed. "What... what happened...?"

"I'm fine," she said. She crawled out of the water, a little unsteady.

I leaped at her, but because one of my boots was halfway off my foot, I stumbled and started to pitch forward. I reached out and wrapped my arms around her waist, while my face smashed into her stomach.

"Whoa!" she giggled. "You okay?"

"I should be aksing you," I answered. I rose to my feet and jammed the one foot back into the boot. Then I looked Jazenny up and down.

"Come on," I said, grabbing one of her arms.

I raced toward the ladder with her tagging along behind me. "The Professor will know what to do!" I shouted to her, partly over my shoulder.

We finally made it up the ladder and into the Planet Express building. Taking her arm again, I rushed up the stairs and shoved Jazenny into the chemical shower. I followed her in.

"Eel?" Jazenny aksed.

"Just a second," I said. I stripped off her leather jacket, then her blouse. Then I started on her bra.

"What... what are you doing, Eel?"

"Everything's contaminated."

"Contaminated?"

"Yeah, of course," I answered. "You just went swimming in a lake filled with toxic waste, and radioactive sludge, and who knows what other kinds of hazardous chemicals."

"But... hang on." My slippery fingers were having no luck with her bra, so she reached around her back and undid it herself. Then she stepped out of her skirt.

I took off my tank top. I had trouble with my bra as well, so I turned around and let Jazenny take it off. Then I bent down and removed my boots.

They just came right off this time.

"So we're gonna disinfect these clothes?" Jazenny aksed.

"What? No," I replied. "Jaze, they've just been exposed to the most horrifying combination of chemicals known to man. Maybe even Nutrasweet. The clothes are a total loss. And anyway –"

"Wait," she said. "Why are you showering? I jumped in."

"Yeah, and then I hugged you. Anything that I've touched since then is contaminated." I pulled off my underpants, the last item remaining, and added, "Including my clothes."

I began to wash her off.

"What about the ladder?"

I stopped.

"Shit," I said. "I guess we can't use that ladder ever again."

"But... you said once you're mutated, you can't mutate again."

"Yeah."

"Well, you're already mutated. And now I am too."

"Yeah. That's weird."

"What is?"

I looked over her body again. I turned her around and looked at her back. Then I turned her around again.

"Eel?"

"Yeah?"

"What do... what..."

She drew in a breath and looked at me. She held her arms together in front of her, partially covering her breasts.

"Just tell me, Eel," she said. "What did I mutate into?"

"I... I don't know how to tell you."

"Oh fuck," she breathed. "Oh fuck. Oh fuck. What is it?" She took a step back and leaned against the far wall of the stall.

"Jaze," I said, "you... you still look the same."

"Wh... what?"

I shut off the water.

Jazenny stared at me, looking fearful and uncertain. Tears were coming to her eyes.

I'd never seen her like this.

"It... it didn't work?" she aksed me.

"I don't know," I said. "Or maybe it did, but it did something small. Something subtle. You know? That I can't tell."

"What if it... what if it's just taking longer?"

"Jaze..." I began.

"What if I haven't mutated yet? What if I'm still going to change? What am I going to change into? What's gonna happen to me? Am I gonna have to live down there? Am I gonna have to be separated from you? Am I gonna have to live on my own?"

I pulled her into a tight hug.

She bent down and began to sob into my shoulder.

"Eel..." she whispered into my ear, "I can't. I can't live down there. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just... I can't go down there and live the rest of my life away from you."

"You won't have to," I whispered back.

"I can't do it."

"You won't have to," I whispered. "We'll figure something out. We'll – oh lord."

Some sort of alarm had gone off in the building. Klaxons were sounding, and green lights were flashing everywhere.

"What's that?" Jazenny aksed, looking up with apprehension. "Fire?"

"No. I don't know what it is, but it's not a fire."

"Do we have to evacuate?"

"No, I – aaaaah!"

I stood in front of Jazenny and covered my breasts and pussy with my arms.

"Bender, they're in here!" Fry shouted.

"Fry, what the hell are you doing there?" I shouted back.

Bender ran up the stairs.

"Neat!" he said. Through the fogged glass, I couldn't tell what he was doing, but I saw a bright flash of light.

"What the hell are you two doing here?" I screamed.

"Nothing," Fry said. "I just heard the alarm. Hermes told us what it was."

"What is it?"

"It's the 'naked girls showering together' alarm."

"We have an alarm for that? What the fuck?"

Then I heard another voice.

"Fry, mon, did you find dem?"

"Yeah!" he shouted. "They're in here!"

"Where's here?"

"Conference room! Emergency shower!"

I yelled, "Fry, don't lead him to us!"

"Well, what should I do?" he aksed.

"Why don't you do something useful and get us some clothes?"

"Where am I gonna get... wait. I've got some clothes in my locker."

"No!"

"They might fit you."

"I don't want anything that's been in your locker," I said. "Get the clothes that are in my locker."

He ran down the stairs to the hangar floor, all while Bender was still taking pictures.

Hermes appeared from the lounge and immediately performed a U turn. "Ain't worth it," I heard him say.

"Hey, where you going?" Bender aksed.

"She gonna kick your asses, mon! I ain't dat stupid!"

"I'm still gonna kick your ass anyway, Hermes!" I raged at him.

"What for, woman?"

"For installing a 'naked girls showering together' alarm! Who the fuck does that?!"

"Here's some clothes!" Fry said.

"What about towels?" Jazenny aksed him.

Fry ran off again.

When he finally returned, Jazenny and I towelled ourselves off. I picked up the clothes.

"Fry," I said.

"What?"

"This is one set of clothes."

"Yes, Leela. I know it is. I can count."

"No, I don't think you can. How many of us are there?"

"Who counts as us?"

"Jazenny and me."

"There's one of each of you."

"Then how many is that in total?"

He stopped to think.

"That depends," he finally said.

"On what?" I sighed.

"On the meaning of the word total."

"Shut up and get us another set of clothes, you incompetent jackass!" I shouted.

He jumped out of his seat at the conference table and ran downstairs again.

Eventually, Jazenny and I were dressed in duplicates of my normal outfit, our old clothes were vaporised, and I had kicked Bender's ass and stomped on his camera. I took Jazenny downstairs to see the Professor.

"My word, this is interesting," he said when I explained the situation to him. "So you fell into the mutatious waters, Jazenny. But you didn't mutate?"

"I checked every inch of her body," I said. "Everything is still the same."

The Professor pointed a device at Jazenny. It made a kind of whirring noise.

"Incredible!" he said. "I don't believe it!"

"What?" Jazenny aksed. "What is it?"

The Professor said, "This device I just picked at random performed a complete scan of your body, which is exactly what I wanted to do! Astounding!"

"So?" I aksed. "What does the scan say?"

"Nothing useful. It just tells us what her body is like now. I would need a baseline scan to compare it to in order to tell you if she has changed in any way."

"So you need a scan of me from earlier?" Jazenny aksed.

"Yes."

"From before I fell in?"

"Yes."

"But as recently as possible?"

"Yes."

"Then we're all set."

"What?" I said. "You scanned yourself? When?"

"No," she replied. "No, there was this little kid that scanned me earlier."

"Little kid?" I aksed.

"Yeah. While you were in the bathroom, Eel. Remember before we went down to your parents' house? You went to the bathroom? He showed up then. He pointed a device like that at me and then ran off. Well, not a little kid. Like, thirteen or something."

"Oh lord," I sighed. "Annoying laugh? Smushy nose?"

"Yeah. Who's that?"

"Cubert."

"Who's Cubert?"

"The Professor's clone."

"You have a clone?" Jazenny aksed the Professor.

"What? No, of course not!" the Professor snapped. "Where did you get that ridiculous notion? I deny everything! Even if we did by some unlikely coincidence have the same DNA, what makes you think Cubert is my clone? Why couldn't I be a clone of him?"

"Because you're a hundred forty eight years older than he is," I responded, rubbing my forehead with two fingers. "Anyway, all we need is his scan of Jazenny."

"Oh," the Professor said. "Well, that's easy enough to obtain." He shuffled over to the intercom and held down a button.

"Attention all employees and anyone else who may be hanging out in our building. If you are an employee... get back to work, dammit! I don't pay you to stand around listening to announcements! And if you are anyone else who may be hanging out in our building... no free rides! Get a job, you hippies! For example, this job: If you see Cubert around anywhere, please bring him down to my lab at once. Thank you."

There was a brief pause. Then we heard an annoying scream run down the stairs to the first floor, where we were.

"Yo, Professor!" Bender shouted from the conference room railing, above us. "Still want me to beat him up?"

"He said bring me down, not beat me up!" Cubert whined.

"Same thing."

"That will be all, Bender," the Professor shouted up toward him.

"Sure you don't need me to bring you anyone else?" Bender aksed. "Fry? Zapp Brannigan? Wernstrom?"

"That depends," the Professor answered. "Wernstrom's head, or his whole body?"

"Whichever."

"I'll take his head, lightly roasted and seasoned with bacoregano. And can you put one of those little apples in his mouth?"

"Sure," Bender said. "How little of an apple do you want? A Shuffle? Or a Nano? Or... or a Yocto?"

While the Professor and Bender debated how to prepare Professor Wernstrom, I got up and retrieved Cubert from the hallway. As I shoved him into the lab, I pried the scanner out of his hands.

"This what you needed, Professor?" I aksed, peering at the scanner. Junior Molecular Geneticist Handheld Bioscanner, it read. A red label on the other side warned against pointing it at lifeforms that are capable of detecting electromagnetic radiation at wavelengths from three nanometres to three gigametres.

The Professor plugged Cubert's scanner into his own, and the two made beepy noises at each other.

As soon as I stood next to Jazenny again, she wrapped all of her arms around me.

I embraced her in response. "It's okay," I whispered to her. "You'll be fine."

But I don't think she really heard me.

"It's currently calculating the number of your cells that have mutated," the Professor told Jazenny. "Any moment now we should know the results."

We stared at the scanners for a moment, until one of them made a pongy noise.

"Why, this is absolutely astounding!"

"What?" Jazenny aksed, wide eyed. "What is?"

"The number of your cells that have mutated is... zero!"

There was a dramatic chord.

"Wh... what?" I said. "How can... how can that be?"

"Isn't it obvious?" the Professor aksed me. "She didn't change for the same reason you didn't."

I responded, "You mean... because I'm...?"

"How could that possibly make any sense at all?" Cubert snorted, his arms crossed. "If those chemicals can cause just about any type of organism to mutate, why would they do nothing whatsoever to you just because you happen to have been exposed once before? There is no conceivable physical mechanism that would permit that."

"I've been in there before," I reminded him. "And then again today. And both times I came out exactly the same."

"That's completely ridiculous. You would have to be terminally blonde in order to believe that."

Jazenny kicked Cubert in the stomach. Then she let go of me, lifted him up to meet her eyes, and snarled at him, "Nobody calls my Leela blonde but me."

Then she dropped him on his ass.

I had to laugh at that.

"But wait," Jazenny said. "Then that means that I..."

"Precisely," the Professor said. "Jazenny, you were already a mutant!"

There was a dramatic chord.

She shook her head vigorously. "That doesn't make sense. I'm, like, the same as every other Neptunian. There's nothing unusual about me. Nothing at all."

"Jaze," I said, reaching for her hands.

"Eel, that doesn't make sense." Starting to back away, she went on, "How can I be a mutant? I'm just like any other Neptunian. You know I am. Tell him, Eel. I'm the same. I'm... there's nothing different about me."

I had to look away then. I just couldn't bear to see the anguish and desperation that were twisting up her face.

"I'm a normal Neptunian!" she shrieked, stomping on the floor and casting her fists out from her body. "I'm normal!"

"Of course you are," I said to her as I stroked her arms. "You are a normal Neptunian. And that's okay. Jaze, it's okay. We've finally figured out the truth."

"What?" Jazenny aksed. "What do you mean?"

"It's the Neptunians, Jaze. Your people."

I took a deep breath and continued, "You're mutants."

There was a dramatic chord.

"Dammit, Hermes!" the Professor shouted. "Quit leaving your cell phone telephone around everywhere! Or at least make the sound for a text from your wife a non-dramatic chord!"

I pulled Jazenny close to me and hugged her tight, letting her chin rest on my shoulder.

"I should have known," I whispered in her ear. "You're... you're so close to human."

She pulled back and looked at me funny.

"What?" I aksed.

But I knew what. It was her You're being blonde look again.

"I've got violet skin and four arms. And did you not notice this pig snout? Eel, I'm not human. Not remotely."

"Yes remotely," I replied. "Actually, closer than remotely. Channel knob-ly."

Hand in hands, I led her down to the hangar floor, and then to the ship. We sat on the steps.

It looked like Jazenny was trying to fight back tears.

"Jaze, I've seen all kinds of alien species out there," I said to her. "Not to mention down there in the sewers. But Jaze?"

I leaned in close to her.

"Jaze... you're human. I feel like... like I've known it all along. Sure, there are a few differences. But look at everything out there. Do you really think you're not related to humans?"

Jazenny shrugged, "Well, I... I guess we're related. You know. Same solar system."

"Doesn't matter," I responded. "The Neptunians are supposed to have evolved separately, right? Then why should you have anything in common with humans?"

"I... I..."

She drew in a breath.

"Eel, I don't have anything in common with humans."

"Of course you do, Jaze," I insisted. "You have everything in common with humans."

"Like what?"

"Your eyes," I said, running a hand around them. "Your ears. Your hair. Your feet. Your legs."

I traced my fingers along each body part as I named it.

As I went up her legs, I let my fingers slip over the buckles on the boots.

She'd been having a little trouble walking in them. Her feet are about a size larger than mine.

"Your knees," I whispered.

My fingers edged up the pant leg.

"Your thighs."

My fingers kept moving higher.

"Your lips."

Jazenny pulled me close and kissed me.

When she finally let go, I breathed out and said, "Well, actually, those weren't the lips I was talking about."

I kissed her.

Then I said, "But I love these too."

I gave her one more kiss, and this time, she did start crying.

I wrapped her up in a tight embrace.

"Hey," I whispered in her ear. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I... I just... it's a lot to take in."

"I know what you mean," I answered.

"Come on," she said. "I just found out I'm a mutant. Have been my whole life. What could you know about that?"

There was a pause.

"Wait," she said. "Was I just being blonde there?"

"It's fine," I said. "Listen. It's starting to get late, and we haven't had dinner yet. Let's get something to eat."

"I'd like that," Jazenny replied. "I... I know just the place."

---

Before long, the time came for the arrival of the ambassador from Stardust. We had the ceremony behind our house. I still wasn't sure just how much property we had or what was on all of it, but there was a line of trees about a hundred steps from the house. The ceremony was next to that.

Fry and I sat way in the back. We were trying to keep out of the way, but the foreign contingent had insisted on meeting us, not just our planet's representatives. So we had a receiving line before the ceremony started.

Vinnie was going to be our ambassador to Stardust. I didn't really know him. He had scales, I think, and some kind of strange mouth.

But to me, the strangest people there were the visitors. Fry described them to me after we took our seats. He said their ambassador was a tall, broad shouldered guy. Fry whispered, "He looks like a linebacker. Except for the tits."

"He's got tits?" I aksed.

"Yeah. And not like the things that old guys or fat guys have. The man boobs. You know?"

"Yeah, I know."

"It's not like that," Fry said. "They look more like a girl's tits. Round."

"Is he wearing a bra?"

"I think so."

"How big are they?"

Fry took my hands and held them out in front of my own breasts.

"Well, no," Fry said. "Maybe more like..."

He moved them another couple of centimetres away from my breasts.

"Like this?" I whispered to him.

"Yeah."

"Wow," I said. "Wouldn't mind feeling those up."

"Wait," he said. "You're into... you're into that?"

"What, breasts? Yeah. Of course."

"Huh," he said.

"What?" I said. "Are you surprised? I mean, you like breasts too, don't you? I was pretty sure you did. I mean, why else would you..."

I trailed off.

The deputy chief of mission from Stardust was talking, but I wasn't really hearing anything he said.

"Why else would I what?" Fry whispered.

"You know," I said. "Because I know you... I know how you felt about... about Leela."

Fry was quiet for a moment.

Then he said, "I didn't just like her because of her breasts."

"I know," I said. "I know you didn't."

"It was everything," he said. "Everything about her."

"I know," I said again. "I... sorry. I didn't mean to, you know, bring it up again."

"Yeah. It's okay."

He wrapped his hands around mine.

"You know..." Fry began.

"What?"

"No, I just... I was thinking. If she was here, you know, if she was here now..."

Not now, Fry, I thought.

I didn't want to start crying in front of everybody.

I was afraid that everyone would stare. I mean, we were sitting at the back, but somehow I didn't think that would stop people from peeking over their shoulders at us.

I didn't want them to see me like this.

Sure, I had my shades on, but they would be able to tell. They would know I was crying. And they would have no idea why.

Fry continued, "If she was here, I'd be like, 'Holy fuck! That guy has bigger tits than you do!'"

If I didn't want to start crying in front of everybody, I definitely didn't want to start laughing in front of everybody.

He went on, "And she'd be like, 'Well then, maybe you should leave me for him.' And I'd be all, 'But I don't wanna! I want you!' And she'd be all, 'And don't you forget it, pal!' She always did like to make me... you okay?"

I was fine, in fact.

I was just doing that weird convulsing spasm. You know, the one where you're just about to start crying, but then something makes you start to laugh, and you try to do both at the same time, but your lungs just heave in and out.

He pulled me into a tight embrace. I let him hold me close, my forehead coming to rest on his shoulder.

"Shhh," he whispered. "It's okay. Just breathe. You know how to do that, right?"

I took a few breaths and gradually got my lungs to start functioning nominally again.

"Sorry," I whispered to him.

"It's okay," he replied.

I hesitated, but then I added, "And you're right. Her tits were hot."

"I know they were."

Finally I pulled away and started to listen again.

"This is still their deputy chief of mission, right?" I whispered to Fry.

"Yeah."

"What does he look like?"

"She."

I stopped and listened.

"That's a girl?" I aksed.

"Yeah."

"Damn," I said. "They are freaky on that planet of theirs."

It totally sounded like a guy's voice. Deep and authoritative. Like the narrator of all those black and white films the Professor would show us.

"What's a voice like that doing on a girl?" I aksed Fry.

"I'unno. Maybe we can ask her later."

"Yeah. Maybe. So what's she look like?"

"She's, like, short, kinda," he said. "A little shorter than you. She's Asian or something. Light skin. Short black hair."

"Is she cute?"

"Kind of."

"Oh. That's neat."

"But not like you," he added.

"Not like me? What's that mean?"

He paused for a moment.

"You mean she can see?" I whispered. "She's not blind? Or did you mean she hasn't made a mess of everything around her? She hasn't fucked up her life and her friend's life? She doesn't have –"

Fry put his finger on my lips.

"Shhh. Shhhhh. I... I just meant, she's not as cute as you."

"Oh. Really?"

"Yeah."

"You mean it?"

"Yeah."

"You really think I'm still cute?"

He lifted up my chin and kissed me.

"Amy..." he said, "you're beautiful. You're so beautiful."

I kissed him back.

"I love you," I said to him.

"I love you," he said to me.

We listened to the rest of the speeches – a bunch of shit about the common future our planets would be working toward together, or whatever – and before long, it was time for the reception.

There were maybe a hundred people there all together. The contingent from Stardust was all here, and many of the higher ups in our burgeoning government on Epsilon Eridani 4. Remi had made it back from Mars, and the other finalists for the scholarship were here as well. They were all in college, most of them at SUNNY.

It was still called that, even though it had moved.

The school was over a hundred years old, and it had apparently been named by a mutant whose tongue was fused to his cheek.

The Sewer University of New New York.

So at first, its name made sense, but its acronym didn't. Now its acronym makes sense, but its name doesn't.

Who said things would be confusing settling a new planet?

I spent the time talking to most of the people there. I didn't get much of a chance to talk to Remi – this was her first time back since she left for college, and so she spent all the time with her boyfriend. I talked with some of the Stardustians, and with some of our people.

At one point, someone came up to me and said, "Hey, c'mere."

"BW?" I aksed. "That you?"

"Yeah," it said. "Well, no. Well... sort of. Just come here."

It took my hand and led me somewhere.

I'm still not that great with directions, but by that point I knew the layout of our house. It was leading me toward Fry's and my bedroom, I was pretty sure.

"Wait," I said. "What's going on?"

"I gotta talk to you. Come on."

It sat me down on the bed, still holding my hand.

"Amy, I've... I've been doing some thinking."

"Yeah?"

"Don't act all surprised," it replied.

"What?" I aksed. "What do you mean?"

"You were all surprised there. You were like, 'You've been thinking?'"

BW had caught me off guard. I stammered, "I... no... I didn't mean..."

Then it kissed my cheek.

"Just teasing, spaz girl," it said. "I know what you meant."

It paused, and then went on, "Listen, I've been doing some thinking about, you know, where I want to go. What I want to be."

"Oh."

"I've decided. I want to come here. I want to help start, like, a TV station or something. You know. The Mutant Channel. Something like that."

"The Mutant Channel?" I aksed.

"Something," it said. "There's gotta be plenty of original programming that we could do. I mean, I've got my experience from the βBC. I could totally help out. I could be in charge of the news department."

"Yeah," I said. "Yeah, that's a good idea. You know, I was talking about this a while back. With Remi, I think. I think she might want to help too. I mean, I guess she's gonna be busy with college, but, like –"

"Come on," BW interjected. "Mars University. Total party school."

I responded, "Not if she takes Professor Farnsworth's classes."

It was quiet for a few seconds.

Then I said, "So what about Planet Express? Are you going to keep working there?"

"No, I'm gonna leave. I... that is... I have to leave there."

That gave me a jolt. "What? Why? What's wrong with it?"

"No, nothing's wrong with it," BW answered. "Not like that. No. It's just... um... it's time for me to move on."

"You've only been there a few months."

"Not from Planet Express. That's not what I mean."

I shook my head. "I'm lost."

It let go of my hand. A second or two later, something made me wobble back and forth.

BW had, it seemed, leaned back and flopped onto the bed.

"I gotta leave Choto."

Now I was really thrown for an orbit.

Hlachotoplo, Choto for short, worked with the new boss at Planet Express, Clyde Villafuerte. Clyde had bought the company from the Professor, and when he sold it to me a short time later, I hired him on to run it. He brought Choto along with him.

Choto was from a planet somewhere near the middle of the Milky Way galaxy. She was a blue humanoid, but sort of snakeish below the waist. She had two pairs of tentacles in place of arms. They were the same colour as the rest of her, and smooth – no suckers or anything like on Mrs Turanga's arms.

I was really surprised by how well Choto and Hermes seemed to be getting along. When I found out that Choto ranked higher than Hermes in the bureaucracy, I realised that Hermes must have been suspicious the moment they showed up. He would have thought that Choto was his replacement.

But in fact, Choto has worked mostly for Clyde's other business – he's a private investigator – and not done a whole lot for Planet Express. Hermes still has the run of the place.

And he had been doing a lot lately. They had built a new ship to replace the Leela, and a second one was on the way. And hopefully more behind that, depending upon how business was. Since my last meeting there, the week before, they had started to interview for positions on the new crew.

"So... wait," I said to BW. "What's wrong with Choto? Haven't you been working with her for a couple of years now?"

"Like, a year and a half."

"So now you're not getting along with her?"

BW paused again.

"I'm not quite sure what it is," it said after a time. "But... well, we've kinda been drifting apart."

I was still puzzled.

It sat up and continued, "I realised I had to leave last weekend. We were at a Neptunian boxing tournament, and I –"

"Neptunian boxing?" I abruptly aksed.

"Yeah. So there we were at the tournament. She was getting all excited about all the fights. Yelling, screaming, jumping up and down, all that."

"How does Choto jump up and down?"

"She just kind of rears up on her snake body," BW sighed. "Can I finish?"

"Yeah. Of course. Sorry."

"So anyway, she was totally into it, but I was just sitting there going, like, I'm supposed to care about these people? I mean, nothing against Neptunians. It's just, you know, two people I've never heard of fighting each other? Why should I be invested in the outcome? But Choto was. She had someone picked out for every fight. I didn't understand it.

"So then when we got home, I realised that, you know, we had nothing in common. Nothing at all. And there was nothing keeping me there. So while I was lying there in bed next to her, I made my decision. I made the decision to leave her."

"Leave Planet Express, you mean," I said.

"That too, yeah."

Then why didn't it just say that?

I was missing something.

"But, you know, I've been busy this week," it went on. "Bender and I were on missions the whole time. And now this thing. I've been meaning to sit down and have a talk with her, but, like, as soon as I got back, I had to come out here to this thing. We just haven't had the alone time we normally have."

With the mention of alone time, it made sense.

"You're going out with Choto," I said.

It sighed again.

"Not any more. That's the point."

Still trying to piece together what I had missed, I aksed, "So wait. When did you start going out with her?"

"A few months before Clyde bought the company."

"So, what? A year ago?"

"Just about, yeah. You mean to say you didn't know?"

"No idea," I told it.

"Damn. I mean, I know we were trying to be discreet, but... I figured you would have noticed. With us staring at each other all the time, and taking lunch breaks together all the time, and shit."

"No, I totally didn't know," I said. "I mean, I thought Clyde and Choto, like, had something going on, or something."

BW replied, "No. Well, maybe they will now. I think Clyde really likes her."

I reached to my left and found BW's arm. I slid my hand down it until we were holding hands again.

"Oh," BW said. "There was one other thing I was thinking about."

"Yeah?"

"I think I... I think I'd better change. Change again. You know?"

"Change?"

"Yeah," it said.

"Into what?" I aksed. "A guy?"

"No, a girl. I want to go back to being Bethany again."

I said, "What? Wait. How long were you, you know, like this?"

"About two years," it answered. "But, you know, this whole time I had this sense that it was wrong. Like, you know, it wasn't me. It wasn't the way I was supposed to be. Do you know what I mean?"

"Not really."

"Well, that's how I felt. My body always felt wrong. Like a pair of shoes that didn't fit. It was making me uncomfortable everywhere I went. I kept thinking the feeling would go away. That I would get used to it. But the feeling never went away."

It paused for a moment and then went on, "I mean, imagine it. Everything you do. Walking around... brushing your teeth... going to movies... eating cereal... flying a spaceship. It's all wrong. Because, like, if it's a pair of shoes, you can just get a new one. But it was my body. My own body was betraying me."

"Betraying?"

"That's what it felt like, yeah."

BW lifted up my hand and put its other hand on top of it.

It added, "Well, you're lucky you were never like that."

I replied, "I used to be fat."

"Oh."

"Yeah. It sucked. The way people looked at me. How they treated me. As though, like, it's wrong to be a little overweight. Like, some big sin or something. Like it makes you... less than human."

"Like a mutant?"

I hesitated.

"Well, I... I'm sure the mutants would say that I don't know anything about what they've been through. That any difficulties I've had in my life are nothing compared to what's happened to them. But... well... maybe that's why I wanted to help them settle here. Because I, like... I thought maybe I understood them."

"I did know that about you," BW said. "That you were fat. Just forgot, that's all."

"Yeah."

"But you're skinny now."

I said, "Yeah. I know that."

"No, I mean skinny. You're, like, a total bean pole. You were never this skinny at college."

"Oh," I said. "Yeah. Well, I lost some weight while I was... you know..."

"Trapped."

"Yeah."

"But it's been, what, a month? Since you got out?"

"No. Just a couple of weeks."

"Well, you still should have gotten some of that weight back."

I turned to BW.

It continued, "I mean, you shouldn't still be this skinny."

I shrugged. "How skinny should I be?"

"I dunno. Like, sorta skinny. You should be sorta skinny."

"Instead of what?"

"I told you," it said. "Total bean pole."

I sighed, "Guess I'm gonna have to get used to that."

"What?"

"People telling me what I should do. What I should be like."

"Oh. Sorry. That's not what I meant."

"Yeah, I know," I said as I gave her leg a pat with my other hand. "But yeah, there have been all kinds of columns in the newspaper where they say that, like, I should stay here – which I was already going to do – and run the clinic, or open a factory, or start a fashion school, or –"

"A fashion school?" BW aksed.

"Yeah. Vyolet wants to teach at a fashion school. She wrote, like, a letter to the editor all about it. I mean, well, it was a letter to the editor, but she was basically aksing me to foot the bill. And... you know, I'm not opposed to it or anything. It's just, like, we gotta build a lot of stuff here first. Regular schools are more of a priority right now. And besides, nobody else gets to decide how I spend my money."

"Yeah. Well, people are like that. Some people couldn't accept that I didn't have a gender."

"Yeah," I said. "Like Vyolet. She keeps insisting you're a she."

"Right," BW said. "Like that."

It paused again.

"Then again, maybe she's on to something. Maybe she knows I'm not supposed to be like this."

We sat there in the bedroom.

The sounds of the reception continued outside the door, and we could hear them faintly.

I thought I could hear Bender taking bets on something or another. Something about how much our respective ambassadors could drink, it seemed like.

Then there were the smells.

We had some catering set up. We had locals serving, but Fry and I insisted that the typical mutant cuisine – if one can call it that – was not going to cut it for our first steps into diplomacy.

Fry actually wanted Elzar to cater, but I shot that idea down. That guy has been nothing but trouble for us over the years.

So we ended up getting the people from E's, the place where we get our pineapple fried rice, to cater. The smells wafting through our house were totally worth it. On the patio, where they had the woks, the chicken and buggalo smells predominated. Inside, the sweet onions were in the air. And up here in the bedroom, I thought I could detect a hint of Clara's "badass melons", as she called them.

Maybe they could open up a location on our planet.

Or maybe they could help start a culinary school. Maybe that's the kind of school we need.

I aksed BW, "So when are you going to change back?"

"I'm going home tomorrow."

"To Stardust?"

"Yeah. Have you been there?"

"No," I said.

"Want to come?"

"Maybe, yeah," I said. "How long is the procedure going to take?"

"A few hours. I could tell you some places to hang out while you're waiting."

"Yeah," I said. "I might do that. I'll see what Fry wants to do."

"Okay. Just, you know, give me a call. I'm gonna leave here around noon or so."

"Okay."

BW gave me a hug.

Then it took my arms, still wrapped around it, and put my hands on its chest.

"And when I'm done, I'll have titties again. But bigger ones this time."

"How big?" I aksed.

It moved my hands away from its chest.

"Well, no," BW said. "Maybe more like..."

It moved my hands out another couple of centimetres.

"That's pretty big," I said. "But not as big as the ambassador's."

BW laughed.

"Wait," it said. "How do you know how big they are?"

"Fry told me."

"Oh. Yeah, he would notice that. He likes breasts."

I must have been furrowing my brow or something, because BW responded with an explanation.

"I mean, well, I saw the pictures of Leela downstairs."

"Pictures?" I aksed.

"Yeah. You guys have pictures of Leela up. In the front hall, just next to the stairs. You haven't seen them?"

I gave BW a smack on its head.

"Ow! Hey! Sorry, all right?"

"Fry put pictures of Leela up?" I aksed. "Which ones?"

"I dunno," BW said. "Just, like, some pictures of her."

"Which pictures of her? What did she look like?"

"I dunno. There were a couple where she was wearing, like, a one piece."

"What about the flowers?"

"What?"

"Flowers in her hair?" I said. "Did he use that one?"

"I don't think so. There was... um... oh, there was one with like, those cutout things at the beach. You know, where it's, like, a cartoon of a big bulky guy and a hot girl in a bikini, and you put your head in the cutout. There was one of those with, like, some little thing in the other hole."

"Little thing?"

"Yeah," it said. "Some little black thing. With fangs, and a, like, little red cape or something, and –"

"Oh, Nibbler," I said.

"What's Nibbler?"

"Her pet."

"Oh," BW said. "Yeah, so, you know, based on those pictures of her, I think Fry is a breast man. So, um, while you're there, on Stardust, you might want to think about..."

"What?" I aksed.

"Well, you might wanna, you know..."

"What?" I aksed again.

BW sighed. "If you wanna get some... you know... work done. Maybe that would be, like, a good idea."

"BW," I said, with as much patience as I could manage, "are you telling me I should get a boob job?"

"Doesn't have to be much," it said, sounding defensive. "Just, like, a little bit. That would tell him that, like, you care about him, and you're willing to..."

I stared at BW.

Oh, and remember what we agreed to earlier. "Stared at" means "pointed my eyes in the general direction of". Still cool with that? All right. Great.

"Doesn't even have to be bigger breasts," BW went on, now sounding a little desperate. "Could be more of them."

"More of them?" I aksed.

"Like, a second pair. Underneath your regular pair."

I felt BW's finger poking at my ribcage, underneath my breasts.

"Or just a third one, in between these."

Now it was poking at my sternum. Right between my breasts.

I didn't answer.

I liked not answering so much, I decided to keep on doing it.

"Just a suggestion," BW eventually said.

I replied, "You know what we used to call you? It's making more and more sense now."

"What?" it aksed. "'Bethany Weird'?"

"Right," I said.

It groaned. "Come on, spaz girl. Let's get back to the party."

It took my hand and led me out of my bedroom.

Just as I stepped into the hallway, I got a face full of something soft and warm.

"Oh," I heard above me. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's my fault," BW said. "I wasn't looking where –"

"No, no, I didn't –"

"No, really, I –"

I interrupted them and said, "Ambassador Bindi? Is that you?"

"At your service, Ms Wong," he said. "And please call me Phil."

"Phil? That's Fry's name."

"I heard, yes," he replied. "Good for him. You can always trust a Phil."

"Yeah."

Then BW said to me, "Back in a bit," and her hand slipped away.

"I'm sorry about that," the ambassador said. "Just lost track of what was in front of me."

"It's okay," I responded. "I bet that happens to you sometimes."

"Yes, that's true," he said, laughing. "But they're good to have around."

"Really?"

"Of course. You must know that. You've got a pair of your own."

"Not like that."

"No, I suppose not. Oh, is there an extra bathroom available, by any chance? The other ones seem to be in use."

"Yeah," I said. "Of course. Right in here."

I turned around and followed the wall to the bedroom door that BW and I had just come out of. I stepped inside and added, "That door in the corner."

"Ah. Thank you, Ms Wong."

"Amy."

"Of course, Amy. Excuse me a moment."

The door next to me closed, and then the bathroom door opened and closed.

I stepped over to the bed and sat down there again.

"This is a great house you have here," I heard Phil call through the door.

"Oh," I said. "Thanks."

"You just built it?"

"Yeah. We did."

"Well, it's really something. There's a bit of Spanish influence in the design, isn't there?"

"I think so," I said. "Not really an expert on architecture."

"I'm not either, but I can appreciate a good design," he said.

There was a flush, followed by running water in the sink.

A moment after that, I heard the door hiss open.

"So what do you know about our planet?" Phil aksed as he sat down next to me.

"Not a lot," I responded. "Just what I've heard from BW."

"Yes, of course. I didn't realise you had a Stardustian working for you."

"BW doesn't work for me."

"It works at your company, right? Planet Express?"

"Oh, yeah," I said. "It works at the company I own, yes."

"Well, that's how it works," he said. "If you own a company, its employees work for you."

"I guess. I just... you know, I've never owned a company before."

There was a pause.

"Actually, BW isn't going to be an it much longer," I told Phil. "It will be a she by tomorrow."

"Is that right?"

"Yeah. She's going back there tomorrow. I think I might go with her. You know. Just to, like..."

"Just to what?"

"I was about to say 'just to see the place'," I admitted.

"Oh."

After another pause, he said, "That must be hard. I, well, I guess I depend on being able to see."

"We all do."

"Yes. But... well, there are a lot of documents and things to read. Documents to read, and, well, picking up details, and body language, and things like that. Those are all important in diplomacy."

I nodded.

"I suppose you've had to rely on your other senses," he continued.

"Yeah."

"You must be listening to everything?"

"I've been trying," I said. "Yeah, hearing. That's important. And... and touch."

"Touch?"

"Yeah. I... there's a lot of stuff here, and in the clinic, that I never saw before... before this. So, like, if I touch it... then I can kinda figure out what it looks like."

He seemed to hesitate a bit as he said, "So... if you were to touch, say, my beard –"

"You have a beard?"

"Yes, I do. Would you like to feel?"

"Yeah," I said. "I'd like that."

I lifted up my hands and turned toward him. He put his hands around my wrists and lifted my hands up and over.

I ran my hands across the short, curly hairs.

"How does that feel?" he aksed.

"Feels funny," I said. "Seems like it would be useful for scouring pots."

He laughed.

I started to aks, "What about... what about your..."

"My breasts, you mean," he said.

"Yeah," I said.

I was usually direct. I usually didn't have any trouble saying what I was thinking. At the time, I never had any regrets about it.

But now?

How many times had I pissed off Leela like that?

I would try to give her constructive advice – or, at least, what sounded in my head like constructive advice. But once it left my mouth, suddenly it sounded much different.

So what was happening now? Was I overcompensating? Was I trying not to repeat the same mistakes?

Or maybe I was just being realistic. Nobody really cared what I thought, so what was the point of sharing?

"What do you think?" he aksed me.

With a start, I realised that he had put my hands on his breasts.

I also realised that I had to take them away.

But I didn't.

Quite the opposite. I found myself undoing the buttons on his shirt and slipping my hands underneath it.

I couldn't help laughing to myself as I found something there under the shirt.

"Yes, I wear a bra," the ambassador said.

"What... what size is it?"

"It's a 42K."

"Seriously?" I aksed.

"Yes."

"Fuck."

I leaned forward and turned around until I was kneeling on the bed. I paused to adjust my dress so that my knees weren't pulling it down so tightly.

Then I slipped one hand underneath his bra until I was fingering his nipple. At the same time, I traced my other hand up to his beard again.

The next thing I knew, we were kissing.

I didn't think I liked beards. And I didn't think I liked tits on guys.

But I liked kissing him.

In that remote part of my mind that was still thinking rational thoughts, I knew I had to stop. I knew I was fucking things up.

But the fact was, I hadn't had any in over a year.

I needed a fuck.

Yeah, that's what I was doing. I was trying to get him to fuck me.

The only good thing about what happened that night was that it wasn't Fry who walked in on us.

"Hey Amy, where do you keep the – oh."

Ambassador Bindi took his hands off my ass and got up off the bed.

Unbalanced, I fell onto the bed.

"I'd... I'd better go," he said.

His footsteps receded at a quick pace. I heard him pause for a moment, mutter "Excuse me," and then his footsteps dashed away.

"Who's there?" I aksed.

"It's... um... it's Remi," I heard.

"Oh."

"I... um... I should leave you alone," she said.

"Wait," I said.

"Yeah?"

"Come here."

The door closed, and I could feel her furry hands taking my unsteady hands and lifting me up to a seated position.

I said to her, "I didn't... I didn't mean to do that."

"I know."

I started to say, "I just..."

But I didn't know what to say after that.

"What?" Remi aksed.

I sighed. "You can not tell Fry about this."

"Um... Amy?"

"Yeah?" I said.

"I think I have to."

"Please," I said. "If he finds out..."

"What?" she aksed again. "What do you think he'll do?"

"I... I dunno. I just... I need him. I can't... if I have to live without him..."

"You think he'll leave you?"

"I don't know," I moaned.

"You really think that?"

"I don't know," I repeated. "He should."

"He won't," Remi said to me.

"Why not?" I aksed. "He should. He totally should."

Remi replied, "He's not going to, Amy. He never would."

"He can. He should."

Her grip on my hands tightened.

"Listen to me."

I took a heavy breath and murmured, "That's about all I can do now."

"Amy."

"What?"

"Amy," she said again, more forcefully.

My nerves were starting to fray.

I did not want to be there.

I did not want to be analysed, or cross examined, or dissected.

I just wanted to tell her not to tell Fry.

And now that I'd told her that, I just wanted to go to bed.

I still needed to get off, after all. I was hoping I could do it myself while Fry was busy with the party.

Well, in reality, I was hoping that Fry would do it. But I would have to wait for that – who knew how long.

But instead, Remi was there, sitting there on the floor in front of me, simply saying my name.

"Listen," she said. "I think you... you might have a bit of a, um, a complex."

"Complex?" I aksed. "What kind of complex?"

She paused to stroke my hands.

"It's an inferiority complex," she said. "I think you have a bit of an inferiority complex. I think you feel like... like you're not good enough for him. Or you're not good enough to be, you know, the Queen of the Mutants."

"I'm not," I said. "I'm not good enough. You people, like, worship me. I don't... I don't deserve to be treated like that."

"You do, Amy. Of course you do."

She sniffled, and then went on, "You gave us so much. You gave us a planet. An entire planet. You rescued us from that... we lived in a sewer. A fucking sewer. Everybody else on the surface, they didn't give a shit about us."

"Actually, that's exactly what we did give you," I said.

"No, but they left us down there. They didn't care at all."

"It wasn't that bad," I said. "Once you're down there for a while, you don't really notice the smell."

"Yeah," she said. "We made do. We made it work. But should we have had to live there at all? Should anybody be forced to live like that?"

She waited a moment.

Then she added, "No. Nobody should ever have to live like that. I mean, even prisons have windows."

She let go of my hands, and in a moment, I felt her hands on my shoulders.

"And you knew that."

Now her voice was coming from closer to me. Like, right in front of my face.

"You knew it was wrong. You knew it was wrong to treat us like that. So you led us out of there. You risked everything you had."

I said, "I didn't really risk anything."

She shook me a little and declared, "You did. You risked everything. I mean, you remember that building that fell on you, don't you? Don't tell me you've forgotten about that. If Bender hadn't found you until a day later... if there hadn't been enough rain... shit, if that building had fallen a little differently, it coulda crushed you. Killed you right there."

After another pause, she started to talk again. But now she was quieter. Her voice was not nearly as steady.

"I mean... we thought you were dead. Fry went out looking for you for a few days, and we all helped him, but eventually we had to give it up. We didn't know what had happened. We thought maybe you had been on top of that ridge, and when the quake hit, you fell down into the river. Or... we didn't know. You disappeared. You just disappeared."

"You didn't, like, think I went home to Mars, or something?" I aksed.

"No," she answered. "You wouldn't have done that. If you did have to leave, you would have told us. And you would have come back. You wouldn't have abandoned us. You wouldn't have abandoned Fry."

"Yeah," I responded. "I guess that's true."

Then she said, "And your ship was still there anyway."

Hearing her say that finally released the tears. They'd been sitting there in my eyes for a while now.

And now they were flowing out from under the shades that I was still wearing.

Remi pulled me close, and I embraced her in return.

I think the last time I had heard the words your ship was back seven or eight months ago.

It was the last thing I heard from Leela.

The last thing before she said she loved Fry.

And that was the last thing she said before she died.

There were just too damn many things that reminded me of Leela.

On a planet full of mutants, of course.

Remi held me tight like that for a while. Eventually, she lifted my head up off her shoulder, brushed my bangs away, and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

She pulled back a bit, put her hands back on my shoulders, and aksed, "Can I get a favour from you?"

"Of course," I said.

"Stop having an inferiority complex."

"No problem," I laughed.

She hugged me again, accompanied by a slight giggle.

"I'm serious," she continued. "You're better than you give yourself credit for. You're more. You're more than you think."

"What the hell are you babbling about?" I teased.

"I dunno. Just... do whatever you have to do. Look yourself in the mirror and –"

I smacked her in the head. It felt like I got her ear.

"Ow!" she shrieked. "What the hell?"

"You said 'look myself in the mirror'," I said.

She sighed heavily.

But in a moment, she said, "I don't care what you have to do. Just work on that self esteem. All right? Maybe see a therapist."

"A therapist?" I aksed.

"Think about it. All right?"

"Okay, fine," I told her.

She held my hands briefly and said, "I'm gonna go back out there. Ready to come?"

"I think I need a little time."

"Okay."

She kissed me again, on the cheek this time. As she got to her feet, she kind of went, "Rrrgh."

I guess it was a chore getting her body off the floor.

I heard the door slide open and then shut, and for the first time all day, I was finally alone.

I took a moment to think about all the things I had to do.

Go back out there and talk to all the other dignitaries.

Pack for the trip to Stardust.

Help Fry clean up.

Tell Fry.

I leaned back onto the bed.

I couldn't believe I had done that. I had been making out with our ambassador. And feeling him up.

Maybe Fry will forgive me, I thought.

But I was pretty sure he wouldn't. I mean, he had just fallen in love with me. If I had done something like this a month ago, before I was trapped, he wouldn't have cared. And he had known then that I was in love with him.

Anyone, even Fry, would conclude that I wasn't in love with him after all.

But I was. I totally was. I couldn't bear to think about what would happen if he left me.

So why the fuck did I do this to begin with?

I reached for my pillow, the one on the right side of the bed.

Sometimes I don't want all this. Sometimes I don't want to be the blind Queen of the Mutants who's solely responsible for Fry's sanity while having all those fucked up dreams about the original surface dwelling mutant.

Sometimes I just want to be normal.

I guess there's one thing I have in common with Leela.

I just want to be normal.