Down for the Count, eighth part: Emerge

by Deb H

Monday 20 August 3004

I looked down at Jazenny's head, resting in my lap.

She had the most adorable smile on her face. The kind of smile that you only have on when you're someplace where you feel completely safe, completely protected, and completely at home.

I wondered if I had ever had that kind of smile on my face.

Before I met Jazenny, that is. I think I've had that kind of smile all the time since then.

Her eyes opened, just a little, and she gazed up at me.

"Hi," she said.

"Hey," I replied. "What were you dreaming about?"

"Hmm?"

"You looked like you were pretty happy. You must have been dreaming about something good."

"I wasn't. I wasn't asleep."

"Yeah, right."

"I'm serious, Eel," she said. "I wasn't dreaming about anything."

"Well, you looked like you were happy about something."

"I think I'm just happy about reality."

"Reality?" I aksed her.

"Yeah. You know. Where you and I live."

She sat up and shifted her body so that she was sitting in my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck.

I put my hands on her hips.

"Have I mentioned how incredible you look in that dress?" she aksed me.

I shrugged. "Just wish I could have done something different with my hair."

"Eel, I love your hair. What's wrong with it?"

"I dunno. I mean... I like to do something different when it's a special occasion."

"Why's this a special occasion?" she said. "We've gone out for dinner before."

"Yeah, but not with... you know... not looking like this."

She nodded. Then she aksed me, "So what would you want to do with your hair?"

"I don't know. Like, braids or something?"

"Oh, I can do that for you," Jazenny said.

"What?" I aksed. "Really? I... since when are you a hairstylist?"

She responded, "Fuck is that supposed to mean?"

I drew back and said, "That's not what I meant!"

"I know," she said, breaking into a grin. "Kidding."

"Sweetheart, I love your hair," I answered, pulling her close with one hand and running the other through her fauxhawk.

"I know you do," she whispered, before giving me a kiss. "I know you do."

She slid next to me – we were sitting on the same side of the table, on a bench along the wall of the restaurant – and took my ponytail. I turned away from her.

"So what kind of braids do you want?" she aksed me.

"I don't know. What kinds are there?"

"Well, like, do you just want me to braid up your ponytail like it is? Or do you, like, want me to split it up into multiple braids?"

I shrugged. "Whatever's easiest, I guess."

"Okay. One big braid coming up."

She started to handle my hair, but before long, I heard her mutter, "Dammit."

"What?" I aksed.

"No, it's just, well, I used to do this with wet hair."

"Want me to get my hair wet?" I aksed. "We can use the sink in the bathroom."

"Sure."

I took her hand and led her around the other tables and into the bathroom.

"You know," she said, "if somebody saw you leading me into the bathroom by the hand, they might get the wrong idea."

I turned around and gazed at her.

"There's nobody here," she added.

She took a step toward me, and then another. She held my hands with two of hers, and the other two began to caress my cheeks.

I realised she had me pinned against the wall.

"Babe," I started to say.

My voice was hoarse and scratchy.

I cleared my throat and tried again. "Jaze... babe... not here."

She stopped and looked me in the eye for a moment.

I went on, "I just... not in public. You know?"

"Yeah," she said, letting her upper two hands drop down to my shoulders. "Of course, Eel. Anything you want."

"I mean... well... you know. Doing it with the lights on, that's... that was a pretty big step for me. I... this would be a little too much for me."

"Yeah. No, I understand," she answered.

"Good."

She kissed me again, and then I bent over and let her put my hair under the sink.

She did grope my ass at the same time, though.

Anyway, once she got my hair wet, I stood up and let her braid my hair. I was facing the mirror, but I couldn't see what she was doing back there.

"There," she said in a couple of minutes. "How's that?"

"That was quick," I said.

Jazenny waved her hands around me, all four of them. "I have an advantage."

I turned to the side and looked.

"Doesn't look all that different, I guess," she said.

"It feels different."

"It does? Different how?"

"It feels like..." I turned my head from side to side, letting the braid swish in the air behind me. I noticed that she had used my scrunchie to secure the end of the braid. "It's more aerodynamic."

"It's what?" she aksed, starting to giggle.

I sighed, "Forget it."

"I'm sorry, babe," she said. "I... I didn't mean to laugh at you."

"I know. It's all right."

She took my hand, and we went back to our table.

I said to her, "I do like it, though. It makes me feel..."

"What?"

"I guess... ready for anything. I'm ready for anything that might happen. You know? I could take you to a fight like this. Or we could play tennis. Or we could go to a cocktail party. Or..."

"Or you could raid a tomb," she suggested.

I turned and gave her a quizzical look. I aksed her, "Why would I want to do that?"

She shrugged in response.

I went on, "I mean, that's... why would I want to disturb an ancient burial site? That's totally disrespectful to our ancestors. And even if I wanted to, I could just send Bender in for me. I mean, he'd take a cut of the profits. A big cut. But he'd get the job done. He'd clean the place out completely, leave no stone unturned."

"Never mind," she sighed, wrapping all her arms around my waist. "I'm just glad you like your braid."

When we left Planet Express, Jazenny had said we were going to San Antonio for dinner. But then we stopped at my place first. She told me to change into something nice.

"Like what?" I aksed. "Evening gown?"

"Doesn't have to be that formal. But... you know... something nice. And hurry."

She gave me a shove with all four hands, two of them on my ass.

I dashed to my closet and looked for anything that would look good. I briefly considered a jacket and skirt, but that was more of business attire. No, I needed a dress. And not just any dress.

Finally I found the one.

It was a shoulderless cocktail dress, in deep, deep green. But it had a faintly metallic sheen to it, so that in the right light it would sparkle.

I slipped it on and checked myself in the mirror. It didn't leave a lot to the imagination. It was low cut, not even halfway down my thighs. It hugged my figure tightly, like a spacesuit.

Well, maybe not like a spacesuit. No spacesuit had ever looked this good on me.

Wait, I aksed myself. Why is there a tail hole? I don't have a tail.

Then I realised it was a navel hole.

"Oh, just fuck yourself with a steampipe!" I yelled.

"You okay, Eel?" Jazenny shouted from my living room.

"Yeah," I answered as I tried to escape the dress and put it on the right way. "Just... just fine."

I put on some pink pearl earrings, a matching necklace, and a pair of black pumps.

"Ready?" I said as I opened my bedroom door.

Jazenny stared at me for a moment.

Then another moment.

After she'd stared at me continuously for about five straight moments, I waved a hand and said, "Jaze? Hello?"

"Oh," she said. "We... we'd better go."

"Yeah," I said.

"Because, you know, if we stand here any longer, I'm gonna have to rip that dress off you and make sweet, sweet love to you all night long."

She took my hand, and we went down to her rocket car.

We repeated the process at Jazenny's apartment. This time, when she revealed herself, I returned the favour and stared at her wordlessly.

Finally, I breathed, "How is that physically possible?"

"What?"

"How can you look that... fucking... hot?"

Jazenny had on an over the shoulder evening gown. The side of the shoulder strap had a silver metallic hem, and there were similar hems running diagonally across her body, more or less parallel to the first one. The second one was close to the first one, just a few centimetres apart. The spacing increased until the bottom one, which reached her left hip and then opened up into a slit that revealed her leg.

As she turned around, I realised that it was actually one long hem that spiralled around her. The colour of the fabric between each loop got progressively lighter as it went up her body, so that the skirt was almost black. Each space between the silver hems became a lighter shade of bluish green, until it became a light pastel shade at the shoulder strap.

She completed the outfit with three silver chain necklaces, some silver bracelets on all her arms, and a silver pair of heeled shoes.

"Hang on," she said. She disappeared into her bedroom again and returned with the old clothes under her arm. She aksed if I wanted them back.

"Why don't you just leave them here for now," I said.

Now, sitting in my lap in the back of the restaurant, she looked even more attractive.

"Oh, listen," she suddenly said.

"What?"

I listened.

The stereo system was playing a song by some Polish band. It was a slow, romantic song that had first come out when I was a kid. I'd heard it plenty of times since then, but I could never figure out the words. The singer sounded like she was trying to sing, swim the butterfly stroke, and brush her teeth all at once.

Jazenny suddenly got up, yanked me to my feet, and led me to the middle of the room. She shoved a few tables and chairs out of the way.

She could get away with that because nobody else was here.

"What... what are you..." I started to aks.

"Can you get those ones over there?" she aksed me.

I pushed those tables to the side.

Once she was satisfied with the room's new layout, she stepped close to me and wrapped her lower arms around my waist. She put one of her other hands on my shoulder and took my other hand with her remaining one.

She gazed down into my eye and aksed, "Eel... may I have this dance?"

I could feel a smile forming on my face.

Not the adorable one that Jazenny had earlier. This was more of a foolish, giddy grin.

"I'd really like that," I said.

We held each other close and swayed, back and forth, to the music.

I guess that's not really dancing.

But I didn't give a fuck.

I rested my chin on her shoulder and breathed in her scent. Of course, she has a stronger scent when she's working out or fighting. Her sweat has its own particular smell.

I much prefer it to my own sweat.

Right now, though, her scent was mild at best. She had put on a perfume, but it was very slight. Something with lilacs or something.

When the song ended, she pulled back a little and looked down at me.

"Sorry," she said. "I... I just... I really like that song."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

"I... they played it at my high school prom," I said.

"Really?" she aksed, suddenly seeming more interested. "Who'd you go with?"

I looked away.

"Nobody?" she aksed.

I shrugged.

She kissed me and said, "That's so sad. Shit. Eel, I... I wish I could go back in time and take you to your prom. We could have had a great time."

"Yeah," I giggled. "I would have had the hottest date."

Then I heard a metallic throat clearing behind me.

I turned around and saw the robot who had been serving us.

"Sorry to interrupt," he said. "It's just, the chef's 'bout to go home, and I wanted to see if there was anythin' else I could get'chall before he leaves."

Jazenny looked at me.

I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head.

"I think we're okay," Jazenny said.

"Great," he said. "Well, I know y'all took care o'y'all's check already, but if'n y'all want somethin' else, y'all just give me a holler, aaight?"

I aksed, "Didn't you just say the chef was going home?"

"Well, I could always make somethin' for y'all myself."

"Wait," Jazenny said. "The chef is going home? What time is it?"

"It's about ten pm."

"Oh shit!" Jazenny shouted. "I didn't realise it was that late! I'm so sorry! Why didn't you just say you were closing?"

"Well, y'all have been such good customers tonight."

I replied, "We've been the only customers tonight."

"Yeah, where is everyone?" Jazenny aksed. "This used to be a popular place on Fridays."

"We weren't never popular," the waiter said.

"I don't know," she responded. "I used to see this place full on Fridays about a year ago."

The waiter said, "Yeah. Well, that was our old chef. She went on to the big city. Went on The Next Iron Cook. Made it to the final round or somethin'. Anyway, yeah, she gots herself some big restaurant in London or Cardiff or some shit. So we had to get some new chef, and business been droppin' ever since."

"What's wrong with the new chef?" I aksed. "I thought the food was great."

"Well, this is the really new chef. We got him a month or so ago. But I guess people still stayin' away. Prolly gonna have to close down if people don't start showin' up."

"Close down?" Jazenny aksed.

"Yeah, I'm losin' money on this place. Not sure how much longer I can keep her runnin'."

"Wait, you're the owner?" I aksed.

"Eight years," he said proudly.

"And you're going to close down?" Jazenny aksed him. "Just like that?"

"Yep. Been thinkin' 'bout goin' back to my old job."

"What's your old job?"

"Gun cabinet."

"You made gun cabinets?" I aksed.

"Nope," he said. "I am a gun cabinet."

He opened his chest compartment. I could see a variety of laser rifles and laser handguns mounted inside.

I peered at one of them and aksed him, "Is that a Reitthauer 232?"

"Yep," he said. "Finest medium to long range rifle on the market."

I answered, "They say it's got the most accurate motion tracking sight."

"Sure does. Wanna see how she feels?"

"Can I?"

He lowered it from its mount and handed it to me. I ran a finger along the barrel, and then the scope. Then I lifted it, gently, to my eye. I could see the painting on the opposite wall through the scope.

Then Jazenny's snout.

"Whoa! Careful!" I shouted, raising the barrel out of harm's way. "Don't stand there! Not at that end!"

"It's okay," he said. "None o'em's charged. She's purty, ain't she?"

"Yeah, it feels so smooth," I replied. "Smooth and gentle. Like a flower. A delicate flower that's capable of taking out a political rival from low Earth orbit with little to no possibility of collateral damage."

I stood there for a moment, looking the rifle up and down.

"Okay, now you look like you could go raid a tomb," Jazenny said.

"With this?" I aksed her. "No, I'd want a couple of pistols for that. Something lightweight. Something quick on the draw."

"You could strap it inside your thigh," she suggested. "Under your dress."

I turned to her and angled my head. "That's why you're so fixated on raiding tombs all of a sudden," I said to her.

"What?"

I let the rifle fall to my side and added, "You just want to see me in the gear."

"Gear?" she aksed.

"Yeah. You know. Knee high socks, tiny shorts. Or maybe a tight, shiny wetsuit."

"A wetsuit would be good," Jazenny replied. "You'd come home at night and toss your bag of treasures into the corner, and I'd say, 'How was your day?' and you'd say, 'Long and taxing, but rewarding nonetheless,' and you'd give me the gigantic jewel that you pried out of the eye of the statue of the cyclops goddess that some ancient tribe in Orange County worshipped, and I'd gasp, and then I'd say, 'It's beautiful! Now how about your reward?' And I'd unzip your wetsuit, ever so slowly, and place my hands on the upper slopes of your firm, gorgeous breasts, and place my other hands on your smooth cheeks, which would hopefully have only a few cuts and bruises from the bitter fight with the rival archæologist who seeks to undermine you at every turn, but whom you bravely fought off and tied to a tree while you escaped in your plane with your priceless findings, pausing only to radio to her university to tell them where they can find her, because your ruthlessness in the pursuit of ancient knowledge is eclipsed only by your sense of duty to your profession and all those in it, and because you have always prided yourself on being the most honourable archæologist as well as the best, a fact that I would contemplate as I caressed the strong lines of your jaw, and then I'd pull you in for a deep kiss that would have both of us gasping for air, only there would be no time to fill your lungs again, because then I'd –"

"Jaze..." I whispered into her ear.

She suddenly stepped back, as though she was just becoming aware of our surroundings.

As she was saying all that, she had actually placed her hands on my breasts, and placed her other hands on my cheeks, and pulled me close to her, so close that the slightest whisper of her voice overpowered all of the other visual and aural stimuli around me.

But me whispering to her seemed to break the spell. She held her hands close to herself and, with a nervous glance back at the waiter, cleared her throat.

She hadn't actually kissed me, but I still felt as though my breathing had stopped.

I inhaled deeply, and then I looked at the rifle, still in my hand, and said to the waiter, "Anyway, my boss would never splurge for something like this."

He aksed, "You work for a gun collector?"

I shook my head. "Delivery company. We just need to defend ourselves, that's all."

"You deliver to dangerous places?"

"Yeah. Like, we go to the planet of Glenn Beck clones now."

"Get outta here!" he said. "That guy's my hero!"

"Oh lord," I sighed.

"Yep. He's the only one o' them lame-stream media types I can trust. Like, how come he's the only one talkin' 'bout that huge conspiracy where Mars University's fakin' all the global warmin' data and makin' Nixon waste all them taxpayer dollars on them ice deliveries? It ain't even that hot. Got a little warm a while back. But since that Robot Party Week they had, it's been real nice. Ain't been hot at all since then."

Still holding the rifle in one hand, I rubbed my forehead with my other hand and said, "That's wrong on so many levels."

"Ain't it?" he aksed. "So if y'all makin' deliveries to Glenn Beck clones, y'all okay with me."

I started to hand the rifle back to him. But when he put his hand on it, I suddenly found myself aksing him, "How much you want for it?"

"The Reitthauer 232?" he said. "I don't think I could ever part with that fine machine."

"Eel?" Jazenny whispered into my ear. "A word?"

I gave the rifle back to the waiter as she pulled me toward the window.

"Eel, are you seriously considering purchasing a gun?" she whispered. "From that wacko?"

"But I need it," I whispered back. "I mean, that's true, what I said about the Professor. He stocks our armory with the cheapest gear. The only reason I'm still alive is that I don't have to waste time closing one eye to line up a shot. I need a good weapon like that."

"But he's fucking insane! He's got more faulty chips than the bottom of a bag of Doritos!"

"Yeah, I know, Jaze. You don't think maybe we should reduce his stockpile a little?"

She looked back at him.

Then she whispered, "You really think you need that?"

"Yeah, I do," I replied. "I need to be able to defend myself."

She looked down.

I put my arms around her and whispered, "Look, Jaze. What would... what would you do if something happened? If I... if I never came back from a mission?"

"Don't say that," she answered.

I could see tears forming in her eyes.

"Jaze, listen to me. I've had some narrow escapes. Some really close calls. I've come through every time, so far. But if I ever don't..."

"You will."

"But if I don't –"

"You will, Eel. You'll find a way. You always do."

"Yeah," I responded. "I used to be like that. Totally confident in myself. But that was before..."

"Before what?" she aksed.

I gazed at Jazenny, trying to keep the tears from coming out.

Finally, I whispered in her ear, "That was back when there was nobody to miss me. Nobody who, if I didn't come back, would be left all alone... devastated... heartbroken."

I held on to two of her hands and kissed her.

After we pulled away, she ran a hand through my hair, and then down the braid.

Then she took a deep breath and whispered, "Do what you have to do."

She couldn't look me in the eye, not even after I gave her another kiss.

I went back to the waiter.

"I thought it over," he said. "I'd be willing to give her up for three thousand dollars."

"I'm not buying," I responded.

"Twenty eight hundred?"

"No, I'm not buying."

"All right, twenty seven hundred."

"No, I'm not buying," I repeated. "You can keep it after all."

"You don't want her?" he aksed, with a touch of disbelief. "She's an awful fine machine."

"I know. It's just..."

I turned and looked at Jazenny.

She had a strange expression on her face, as though she couldn't understand what was happening.

I turned back to the waiter and continued, "I don't actually need it."

"Well, all right," he said. He put the rifle back in his compartment, but before he shut it, he added, "Well, don't hesitate to come back if y'all change y'all's mind."

He went back into the kitchen, and I aksed Jazenny if she was ready to go.

"Um... sure."

I took her hand and led her out. We had only walked a few steps out the door before she stopped and aksed me, "Eel... what just happened in there?"

"What?" I aksed. "What do you mean what happened? I just decided not to buy it."

"But... but you said you needed it."

"I don't really need it," I replied. "Not if it's going to make you feel like that."

"I didn't want you to change your mind because of me, though."

"Wait. I thought you didn't want me to buy it."

"That's not what I'm saying."

"So you did want me to buy it?"

"That's not what I'm saying either."

I stared at her.

"Fuck," she sighed, putting her face in her hands. "Now I'm doing it."

I pulled her hands away and gave her a kiss.

Then I said, "It's okay. I understand."

"You do?" she aksed.

"Sure. You just want me to be safe. But you're also uncomfortable with the idea of me carrying around a gun."

"It would be hard to get used to," she admitted. "I mean, that's exactly what I don't like about Texas. Everybody is packing heat."

I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"But you already have guns on your ship," she went on.

I nodded.

"And you'd leave it on there."

I nodded.

"And you wouldn't carry it around."

"I can't carry a big old rifle like that around," I replied. "People might notice."

She pulled me tight and, bending down a little, rested her chin on my shoulder.

After a long pause, she whispered, "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"You know," she said as she stood up straight and pulled back a little so she could look directly at me. "I... I talked you out of it."

"Well, not exactly," I said. "I mean, I wasn't willing to spend that much on it anyway."

"Oh."

There was another pause.

"I thought you'd changed your mind because of me," she said. "Eel, I... I thought I had talked you out of something you wanted. Something you needed."

"Yeah, but I don't need it that badly. Like I said, we already have guns on the ship."

"You said they were shitty guns."

"Not that shitty. I mean, it would help. A sniper rifle like that –"

"Wait," she said. "That was a sniper rifle?"

"Yeah. Of course it was. What did you think?"

"I don't know! I can't tell what kind of gun it is just by looking! I mean, I didn't know you knew so much about guns!"

I pulled her close again.

"I don't, Jaze. Just, like, the basic types."

"Oh."

We started to walk back to where she had parked. On the way, I aksed her, "You feel pretty strongly about this, don't you?"

"No, it's just... well, sometimes I'm a little nervous about this place. You know? Like, there are two different equilibriums for a city. Either nobody has a gun, like New New York, or everybody has a gun, like San Antonio. And if everybody has a gun except for one person, well, you don't want to be that dude, do you?"

"Yeah," I said. "That's true."

We waited for a light to turn green.

"I guess I learned something about you today," I said. "You don't like guns."

She turned and stared at me.

"What?" I aksed her.

"That's not... that's not exactly the biggest thing you learned about me today."

"Oh, that's right," I said. "I forgot about that."

"I didn't," she said, in a small voice.

The light turned green, and we started to cross the street.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I know that's... that's a huge thing to get used to."

"Well, if anyone knows about getting used to that, it's you."

"Yeah."

We walked on. I let her hold my hand a little tighter.

"Hey, Eel?"

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking. About what your mother said. About... about my people."

"Look, Jaze," I sighed. "What she said... forget about it. It's... she was completely out of line. That... it has nothing to do with how I feel about you. And... and your people. I'm not like that. At all. I –"

She cut me off, saying, "I know. Eel, I know. I know you're not. That's not what I was thinking."

"Oh."

Jazenny went on, "No, I was thinking about how you... you stood up to her."

We were crossing the road toward her car. But she stopped, gave me another hug, and added, "I'm proud of you. I'm so proud. You stood up to your mother for me. You totally told her off."

"Yeah," I said into her ear. "I did, didn't I?"

"You totally did, Eel."

She held me tight for a few moments. Once we let go, suddenly something came to mind. I said, "So... you heard that."

"Yeah."

"What... what else did you hear?"

"Well, I heard some pretty big news at the end there," Jazenny said. "Wasn't sure if you were just trying to piss her off, or..."

I cut her off. "Yeah, um, about that. Jaze... I'm crazy about you. You know that."

"Well, I know you're crazy. Not sure what it's about yet."

I sighed and looked away, but then I continued, "See? You keep doing that, and I'm still crazy about you anyway. No, look. I... what do I want to say? I might have gotten carried away there. I mean, I've thought about it. Of course I have. But it's... well, it's only been, what? Twenty weeks?"

"Twenty one tomorrow," Jazenny said.

"Almost twenty one. That's..."

I looked away again.

She took my hands, and, drawing me close, wrapped her other hands around my waist.

"I don't want you to feel like I'm rushing anything," I said. "You know?"

She nodded.

"Good," I said.

"Yeah," she answered. "I know what you mean. It hasn't been all that long."

"Yeah."

"However..."

Jazenny released my waist and dropped to one knee, all while still holding my hands.

I gave her a wide eyed stare.

"Eel... I've learned a little bit more about you today. I learned that you're... well, I knew you're courageous, but now I know for sure. Most people can't stand up to their parents like that. And your loyalty. What you said about, you know, going into a combat zone, and posing as a guy, just to protect Fry and Bender... that... fuck. You really did that?"

I said nothing. My mouth was dangling open.

She hesitated for a second, but continued, "See... I knew you were like that. But now I'm sure. And you know what else?"

I said nothing. But I had at least figured out how to close my mouth.

"I knew that we were right for each other. And now I'm sure. I knew that I wanted to spend my life with you. And now I'm sure of that too." She paused to wipe away a tear with one free hand, and then she went on, "So, Leela. I know I'm just a simple girl from Little Neptune with a wicked upper right cross. But... well, with one word, you can make me the –"

"Car!" I shouted. "Caaar!"

I yanked her to one side, and we tumbled to the curb as the hover car pulled up, passing just over the spot in the middle of the road where I had been standing.

After it turned around the corner, she and I looked at each other, sitting on the sidewalk, and laughed.

"Okay, where were we?" Jazenny said. "You were standing like this. I was on my knee like this. I had your hands like this. And you were about to cry."

"W... way ahead of you," I said, in an unsteady voice.

"So what was I about to say?" she aksed. "I... I, like, had this whole speech put together. I was gonna tell you all the things that I want us to do together, and all the experiences I want us to have, and all this other shit. But, well, most of all... I want to be your bride, Eel. That's what it comes down to. I want to be your bride.

"So... will you marry me?"

I found I couldn't move.

Well, actually, I could. I was shaking my head, ever so slightly.

"No..." I murmured.

Jazenny froze.

"I – I mean yes!" I shouted in delight. "Yes, yes! Of course! Yes!"

Her eyes opened wide and darted this way and that. Her face registered a not insignificant level of confusion.

I yanked on Jazenny's arms and pulled her to her feet. Then I lifted her off the ground – to which she shrieked in surprise – and into a tight embrace.

"Of course I'll marry you, Jaze!" I whispered into her ear. "Of course!"

I spun her around, feeling her hands press themselves against my shoulders and my back.

"Are... are you sure, sweetheart?" she aksed.

"Yes, I'm sure!"

"Positive?"

"Yes!"

"It's okay if you want to say no. All right? You can say no. I won't be mad."

I put her back down and kissed her.

"I don't want to say no," I insisted.

"You don't," she repeated. "Okay... um... I... I... that is..."

"What?" I aksed her.

"No, no, it's just... I think I'm getting some... you know... mixed signals."

"Mixed signals?" I aksed. "Jaze... I love you. I love you. Completely and totally. Of course I want to get married."

I kissed her again and then added, "How could you possibly think any different?"

"What? Eel... you said no there. I mean –"

"Oh... yeah... that," I stammered. "No, I... I just, I couldn't believe that... you know... that I was actually being proposed to. By someone I actually love."

"Denial?"

"Kind of, I guess. Like –"

"So, like, you were saying 'No way'," she said, adding a shocked gasp before the last two words.

"Yeah. I guess so, yeah."

"Instead of 'No way'," she said, adding a disgusted twist of her snout before the last two words.

"Right," I laughed. "I was definitely not saying that."

"Omigod!" Jazenny laughed in response. "Eel, that is such a relief!"

She took a step back and leaned forward, towards me. "I... I thought you..." She breathed out through her mouth, making a whoo! noise, as she placed a couple of hands on my shoulder. "Didn't have a plan for this, did you? I can't believe it! I actually caught you off guard!"

"Shit, I... I'm sorry, sweetheart. That must have completely scared you."

"Took about ten years off of my life, I think. Wanna do me a favour? Check for gray hairs? Pretty sure you gave me a few just now."

"I'm sorry. Really."

"It's okay. Sweetheart, it's totally okay."

We kissed. Then I licked a tear off her snout.

"Oh!" Jazenny said.

"What?"

"I completely forgot!" she said. She ran over to her car. I was yanked along in her wake – she was still holding onto my hand.

Jazenny retrieved a shiny gift bag from the trunk of her car. She closed the trunk and said to me, "Listen. I... I don't have the money for a ring. Not until I win a lot more fights. But, um, I was hoping you'd take this instead."

"What is it?" I aksed.

"Open it."

I opened the bag and pushed some paper around. I peeked inside.

"Oh. Of course," I said, with a laugh.

I pulled out a pair of boxing gloves, the surfaces a sparkling silver.

She shrugged. "It's spray paint."

"It's perfect," I replied, putting them on.

Jazenny kissed me once more. I started to feel her up, not caring that the gloves were getting in the way.

In between kisses, she whispered, "Eel?"

"Yeah?"

"I... I can't wait for our honeymoon."

"Honeymoon?"

"Yeah. We can go back to Binary Gardens."

I aksed her, "What would... what would you want to do there?"

"I thought maybe you could spend the day raiding tombs."

I started to laugh.

Not seeming to notice, she went on, "And when you're done, I'll be there, waiting for you. And I'll have dinner ready."

"Dinner?"

"Yeah. Unless, of course," she said as she began to slip a hand underneath my dress, "you'd rather skip that and go straight to dessert...?"

"Mmmm," I moaned, biting my lip.

"I'll take that as a yes," she answered.

When I woke up, my feet, and part of my ass, were falling off the side of the bed.

I slid back onto the bed. The snoring sound next to me told me that Fry was here.

I reached for my wrist but found nothing.

So I turned over and reached for the nightstand. I found it there, snapped it on, and pressed the contact.

It said, "Eleven nineteen."

Shit. BW would be leaving for Stardust soon.

I crawled out of bed and tried to find my suitcase in the closet, as quietly as I could.

As I was feeling through the drawers for a few pairs of jeans, I aksed myself why I was packing. I wasn't going to be gone overnight, was I?

I stopped and listened to Fry for a moment.

There was one way I could avoid telling him what happened.

Not come back.

If I got out of here quickly and met BW, I could get her to take me back to my parents' ranch on Mars. I could just live there. A lot of my stuff was still there. I didn't have anything here. I could just get out now, and he'd never have to know. He could live his life without me. He could find a girl who would really love him. A girl who would never cheat on him.

What had Vyolet called him? "Hot stuff"?

I tried to picture Fry and Vyolet. They didn't seem like a very good match. Vyolet was not much for travel. And Fry was not much for fashion.

But who could tell? Maybe there was something between them. Maybe I was just getting in their way.

Or maybe Fry didn't want her. Maybe Fry didn't want anyone other than Leela.

But if that was the case, I should still leave. He must look at me all the time and see the girl who fucked up. The girl who killed his true love.

I sat there in front of my suitcase for a few minutes, thinking these things, until suddenly I realised something.

He had stopped snoring.

Slowly, I turned around toward him.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey."

"Whatcha doing?" he aksed.

I couldn't answer.

"Packing?" he aksed.

I still couldn't answer.

"Where are you going?" he aksed.

I still couldn't answer.

"Amy?"

Finally, I said, "What?"

"Where are you going?" he aksed again.

"I... I have to go," I told him.

"Go? Go where?"

"Doesn't matter," I said as I reached for some shirts.

"How long are... are you going to be gone?"

"I don't know."

"When are you gonna come back?"

"I don't know."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know."

"Are you going by yourself, or...?"

"I don't know."

"Oh."

I opened another drawer and started to feel around for my belts.

He said, "So, why are... is there, like, some event or something that..."

"Sort of, yeah."

"A wedding? A graduation?"

"Something like that."

"Is Zapp Brannigan getting another medal?"

There weren't any belts in this drawer. I tried the next one.

"Is it Bender? Is he having a ceremony to unveil another statue he made of himself?"

There was only one drawer left. And I was pretty sure that was Fry's drawer.

"Oh, I know. It's Cubert, right? He's presenting his first invention, right? It was, like, an upgrade to Spin the Bottle, right? A thing that tells you which girl at a party you should make out with? What did he call it? The Magic Sixteen Ball? It's that, right? That's what you're going to! How come I'm not invited? Just because of that one time when we went there when I tried to eat that one chemist's yoga ball? I mean, how was I supposed to know that it was a yoga ball? I thought she had invented the world's largest M&M! Anybody could have made that mistake! I mean, they were the same –"

"Shut up, Fry!" I snapped.

He did.

"I'm just going to Stardust with BW, all right?" I continued. "We're just going for the day! And she's just going to become ungenderless! And I'm just going with her! Okay? Are you okay with that? Do you wanna know where we're gonna have lunch? Do you wanna know where we're gonna go shopping? Huh? Do you? I could tell you! I mean, we haven't decided yet, but, like, I could give you a call as soon as we figure it out! And I could send you updates as we enter the atmosphere, and as we get to the plastic surgeon, and shit! Want me to do that? Do you? Or maybe I could wear a camera! That's it! I could wear a fucking camera all day! I could put it on my shades, and you could download the video! You could watch us go about our day in real time! Would you like that? You could see everything I did all day! You'd like that, right? You would totally like that! Because then at least one of us would get to see what I'm doing! Because as it is now, I can't see it! I can't see any of this shit that I'm doing! I don't even know if these clothes match or not! Who the fuck knows? I'm just packing a suitcase full of random ass clothes that may or may not go together, and I guess I'll just fucking find out when I put it all on! And where the fuck are my belts? They've just gone complet – oowwww! Fènnù nùsè shēngqi! God dammit mother fucker!"

I had stood up and started to walk across the room. But I couldn't take one step before I went tumbling off course, thanks to the shoes that I was surprised to find I was wearing. Then my hip smashed into something. The post at a corner of the bed, it must have been.

I collapsed onto the floor shrieking at nobody in particular.

"Are you okay?" Fry aksed. His hands grasped my shoulders.

"Get the fuck off me!" I bellowed. I tried to push him away, but it seemed he had already retreated away from me.

I got up, unsteadily, with my hands on the side of the mattress. I reached one way and found the post, and reached another way and found the wall.

"I'm going," I finally said.

"Do you..." I heard Fry start to say.

"What?" I snarled.

"Um... I was just gonna say... do you want... you know... your suitcase?"

He sounded different.

He sounded passive. He sounded uncertain. He sounded frightened.

He sounded like he did whenever he pissed Leela off.

At that moment, it hit me.

I did that to him.

I got pissed off.

Since when did I ever get pissed off at anybody?

Especially somebody that I love?

Well, I had gotten pissed off at Kif that one time.

Actually, that was right when we broke up.

And the fact that I had gotten pissed off at him was what made me realise that I wasn't in love with him any more.

But I was still in love with Fry.

Wasn't I?

I put my hands over my face.

But then I felt Fry's hand, ever so gingerly, on my arm.

I didn't know what to do.

So I pushed him away and said, "I'm going. Fuck the suitcase."

I traced my hand along the wall until I got to the door. From there I went downstairs, and then I said to my wrist, "Call BW."

"Calling BW," my wrist responded.

It used to open up a holo display for things like that, but I had put it into vocal mode a couple of weeks ago.

There was a ring or two, and then BW said, "Hey. I was waiting for you to call."

"Sorry," I said. "Are you ready to go?"

Now there was a pause.

"Amy..." BW said, "I think you should get down here."

"What?" I aksed.

"I think you should get here as soon as you can. You and Fry."

"What?" I aksed again. "What's going on? Where are you?"

"At the clinic. The ambassador is here. And the deputy."

"What are they doing there?"

"I don't know," BW answered. "They haven't told us yet. They want you and Fry to get here first."

"Me and Fry?"

"Yeah."

"Why?" I aksed.

But I was pretty sure I knew the answer.

BW didn't, obviously. It just said, "I think we'll all find out when you get here."

"Oh."

It would be a walk of about twenty minutes from our house to the clinic.

But I wasn't looking forward to it now. Not with Fry. Not with what I had just done to him.

"Amy?" BW said.

"What?"

"Are you coming?"

I sighed.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess."

"Good. I'm coming to meet you, okay?"

"Fine."

"I guess I'll just meet you along the way, all right?"

"Fine," I said again.

"Okay. Bye."

BW hung up, and I was alone again.

I stood there for a minute.

Then I heard Fry coming down the steps.

"Um... hey," he said.

"Hey."

"Was... was that BW?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

Silence.

"So... you're going now?"

I said, "Well... actually..."

"What?"

I drew in a breath and said, "We're supposed to go to the clinic."

"Oh."

Nothing happened.

"Now?" he aksed.

"Yeah."

"Are you ready?"

"I guess so."

"Okay. Me too."

"Okay."

He touched my arm, ever so gently.

It was like he was probing.

No, he was trying to tell if it was safe or if I was going to blow up in his face again.

When I didn't, he put an object, which turned out to be my shades, into my hand. Then he took my other hand and led me toward the front door.

"Wait," I suddenly said.

"Yeah?"

"What am I wearing?"

"Your dress."

"Which one?"

"The kind of blue-green one."

"The one I was wearing last night?"

"Yeah."

"Wait," I said. "I slept in this dress?"

"Well..." Fry said.

"I did," I answered. "I did, didn't I?"

"You were asleep when the thing was over last night," Fry finally said. "You were lying in bed, asleep, on top of the covers, and you had it on. You had that, and your shoes, and your earrings, and everything. You had it all on."

"Oh."

"You were already asleep. I couldn't take any of it off you."

"Oh."

I realised that I was still wearing all of it.

"Come on," he said. "Let's go."

"Okay."

I put the shades on.

As we left, I reached out and held on to his hand. It was tense and shaky at first, but in a few moments it relaxed.

I kept trying to work up the nerve to tell him. But every time I tried, I got panicky, and my mouth felt like it was stuffed with Jello shots, even though it wasn't.

BW met us before long. We said hi, and then BW took my other hand, and we continued on our way.

"You musta had a hell of a night," BW said at one point.

"What?" I aksed. "What the hell does that mean?"

"Well, you're still wearing the same dress."

"I know, okay? Fēnbié mĭxiàn!"

After that, nobody said anything more until we got to the clinic. Then BW said, "They're in the meeting room."

It led us upstairs. I had been in the meeting room a few times before, so I knew the way.

Still, if I had been left to find my own way, I was pretty sure that I would have missed. They were still working on getting Braille signs on the doors.

"Hello, Ms Wong, Mr Fry," Ambassador Bindi's voice said.

"Hi," Fry said.

"Hello, Ambassador," I said.

He gave me a handshake.

"Good morning, Mr Fry," another man said.

I heard a little kissy sound.

Then the man said hello to me. I got a kiss on the cheek and a hug.

The lips felt full, but delicate. And the arms felt smooth and graceful.

"You must be the deputy," I said.

"I'm sorry," the male voice giggled. "Deputy Callie Bernal. We did meet in the receiving line, but I forgot that you... um... you can't... that is, you don't know... what I look like."

"I'm blind."

"I did know that. I forgot. I do apologise."

"It's okay."

"Why don't we all have a seat," the ambassador suggested.

Fry guided me to a chair and then sat down next to me.

The ambassador continued, "All right, so, there's something that I... that I have to discuss with all of you. Ms Wong, I believe you are aware of the matter."

I put my head down. I was not happy about this.

I didn't know what Fry would think was the worst part: that I had been making out with another guy, that the guy I had been making out with was the first ambassador sent to our new planet, or that he was going to hear it from the guy with whom I had been making out and who was the first ambassador sent to our new planet.

Gripping the front of my chair, I almost didn't hear the ambassador aks me, "Have you shared the matter with your... partner?"

"You... you mean Fry?" I aksed.

"Yes."

"I... no. I haven't."

He aksed, "Would you like us to give you a moment while you inform him?"

"Why?" Fry aksed. "What's going on?"

"I think the lady should inform you herself," the ambassador said. "We'll be just outside."

I heard some chairs shifting.

The door opened and closed, and then it was quiet.

"Fry?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we alone now?"

"Yeah. BW's out in the hallway with Phil and Callie."

"Okay."

"I like him," Fry said. "You can always trust a Phil."

"He said the same thing," I answered.

"Oh. Cool."

I did something with my hands for a moment.

"I think he thinks you should tell me something," Fry said.

"Yeah."

"What?"

I did something different with my hands.

Then Fry pulled my hands apart and put them in his.

"Amy?" he aksed, now coming from in front of me. "What is it?"

"I..."

I couldn't help thinking about that time on the bridge of the Leela.

Well, it was just the Planet Express ship way back then.

Well, it was just a few months.

Well, it was just me telling him that I had killed Leela.

And there wasn't anything difficult about that, right? Perfectly smooth sailing.

So come on, Amy girl. Say it.

"I fucked up."

"I know," he said.

"What?" I aksed. "You know?"

"Yeah."

I stammered, "How do... but... it just happened."

"Yeah, but it's not like it just happened. There's been a little time."

"Oh. So you know."

"Yeah. I've had some time to get used to the idea."

"Oh."

"Yeah. I mean... you've been feeling bad about it."

"That's an understatement," I said.

"Yeah. Well, you know what it's done to you. And I feel bad that it's done that to you."

"Oh."

Fry went on, "I just don't... I mean, I'm trying to figure out how the ambassador knows."

"What?" I aksed.

"Ambassador Bindi," he said. "You know."

"Yeah, I know. What do you mean, how does he know?"

"Well, I mean, he told you to tell me, right? But I already know."

"You already know?"

"Yeah. Of course I do."

I said, "But... you didn't say it. You said you didn't know."

"I didn't know that's what he was talking about."

"Well, what did you think?"

"I don't know."

"I... none of this is making sense," I said.

"Well, do you know how he found out?" Fry aksed.

"What? He was there."

"Oh. What?"

"Yeah."

"He was there?"

"Yeah."

"You never said."

"Said what?"

"That he was there."

"The ambassador?" I aksed. "Of course he was there. How could he not?"

"How could he not be there? I don't know. How could he not un-be there?"

"You mean, how could he be there?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know. I... he was just looking for the bathroom."

"Out there?"

"Yeah."

"He was looking for a bathroom out there?"

"Yeah. Wait. Out there? What do you mean, out there?"

"You know," Fry said. "Out there. Out where you were."

"The bedroom?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he said all the other –"

"Wait," Fry said. "Did you say the bedroom?"

"Yeah."

"What bedroom?"

"Our bedroom."

"Our bedroom where?"

"In our house."

"What house?"

I felt like I was either defending a PhD thesis or being sold a used rocket car.

"Fry, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I don't understand. I just don't... you know... I don't understand how the ambassador could have been there. You know. When that happened."

"When what happened?"

"You know," he said.

"When he and I..."

"He did it too?"

"He started it."

"What?"

"Yeah. I think."

"He started it?"

"I think. I don't know."

"How could he have started that?"

"What? The fuck are you talking about? He totally could have started it! He did, actually! Maybe. I don't... I'm not sure."

"So... what? You finished it?"

"No! Of course not!"

"He finished it?"

"No! We didn't... we didn't get that far."

"What?"

"Yeah. We stopped."

"But... it did get that far."

"What? No. Fry, I'm telling you. It didn't. It totally did not get that far."

"It didn't?"

"No."

"But... I... does that... how..."

I waited a moment while he said some more incoherent, loosely linked syllables.

During the saying of those syllables, I heard his voice recede a bit, and I felt his hands release mine. I guessed that he was sitting in his chair again.

"Wait," Fry finally said. "So then, how did she..."

"He?"

"What?"

"The ambassador's a he."

"What? No. Not him."

"Oh. What? Who the hell are you talking about, then?"

"Me? Who are you talking about?"

"The ambassador, dumbass!"

"What about him?"

"You know! I... I made out with him!"

"While you were..."

Fry was quiet for a moment.

I started to say something, but then Fry said, "So... let me see if I understand. You were making out with him."

"Yes," I said, now fully embarrassed.

"You were making out with Ambassador Bindi."

"Yes."

"While... while..."

"While everything else was going on," I said.

"You... I can't believe this."

"I'm sorry, Fry." I was speaking barely above a whisper.

"I... I don't get it." So was he.

I didn't respond.

Finally he said, "You and the ambassador were making out. While she... while she was..."

"She just walked in on us."

"And you did that?!"

"It was just a mistake."

"All this is because of that?!"

"Yeah," I said.

Then I thought about what he said, and I said, "Hang on. All this what?"

"This!" he shouted. "Everything! All this shit that's been happening! All of this is because of that! And you say that's a mistake?!"

"Fry..." I started.

"No. No."

Now he was standing.

"Amy... how could you? Not that. I'm not even thinking about that now. It's... how could you keep that from me? For so long?"

"Long?" I aksed.

"Yeah! Long! It's been so long, and we've been doing so much, and all this time I thought you were... but you were..."

"It's just one night."

"One night?" he repeated. "One night?! Was it worth it? Was it worth all these months of..."

"Months?" I aksed.

"Yeah, months! It's been, like, eight months!"

"What?" I aksed. "No. It was last night."

"No it wasn't!" he snapped. "It was December. It's, like, August now."

"Of course it's August now!"

"Yeah! See?"

"But it was last night, too!"

"I know it was August last night!"

"Of course it was still August last night!"

"Of course it was!"

"So what the fuck are you screaming about?"

"Me?! I'm not screaming! I'm just having a perfectly normal conversation about how the girl who says she's in love with me went back in time and killed the girl that I was in love with because she caught you making out with some freakish titty dude that I thought you hadn't even met yet!"

I fell off my partyboard.

My autopilot disengaged and raised a proximity alert.

My train of thought went flying off the rails.

My jacket took the morning off.

My head museum put Donald Trump on display without his toupée.

To put it another way, I realised I didn't know what the fuck was going on.

After a few moments, I detected my jaw hanging loose from my mouth, and my back leaning awkwardly over the chair. I corrected both problems.

"Fry?" I finally said, weakly.

"What?" he aksed, in a voice full of disdain.

"That's not what happened last night."

"Of course."

Even without being able to see them, I could tell his eyes were rolling and his arms were folding.

I felt like I was being sold a used rocket car by the professors who were supposed to be evaluating my PhD thesis.

I started to say, "Fry, we just..."

"Don't, Amy."

"We didn't..."

"Don't even try."

"It wasn't..."

"I should just..."

"Fry, listen to me!" I shrieked. "I did make out with him last night. And I did kill Leela in December. But they were both accidents."

"Wait. How can they both be..."

"Listen," I repeated, starting to cry. "Listen to me. They're the two worst mistakes I've ever made in my whole life. My whole, fucked up, insane, worthless life. They are the two stupidest things I have ever, ever done. Okay? They are. It's just... they don't have anything to do with each other. They're completely separate events."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"They are?"

"Yeah."

Now he was quiet.

After a long pause, he said, "So you didn't go back in time?"

"No."

"And Leela didn't go forward in time and catch you last night."

"No."

"And you didn't follow her back in time and... you know."

"No."

"Oh."

I said, "So here's what happened. Back in December, we made that delivery. You know. The one to Canopus 5."

"Yeah," he said. "I know."

"And Leela went to meet her friend... and when she came back... he was... chasing her... and then he caught her, and he... and then I... I..."

Leaning over me, Fry wrapped his arms around me. I buried my head in his shoulder and cried.

Even for the last few months, this was a long cry.

After a few lifetimes, I pulled back and wiped off my face. I realised Fry had taken my shades off.

"So that's what happened then," I said. "Then last night, the ambassador came looking for the bathroom. Next thing I knew, I was feeling his boobs, and then we were... you know... making out."

"Oh."

"And then Remi caught us."

"Oh."

"Yeah. So when I said 'she walked in on us'..."

"You meant Remi," Fry finished.

"Yeah."

"And she's still alive, right?"

"Of course she is. What kind of monster do you think I am?"

"I'unno. The kind I love."

"You do?"

"Yeah. I've told you that, right?"

I said, "But... I mean, you still love me."

"Yeah. Of course."

"Even though I... you know... almost cheated."

"I know. It's okay."

"It is?"

"Yeah," he said.

Then he said, "It's not the worst thing you've ever done."

I started crying again.

This one lasted an eon or two.

Once the tears stopped and I had the snot flow back down to a manageable level, I aksed him, "So how did... I mean, why did you think this had something to do with, you know, what happened to Leela?"

He said, "Well, you said you fucked up."

"Yeah?"

He didn't say anything more.

"Fry?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell me. Why did you think they had something to do with one another?"

"I just said. You said you fucked up."

"Yeah, I know I fucked up. I don't need any more reminders."

"Yeah, but... I guess I just thought that's what you were talking about."

I stopped and thought about that.

"So..." I said, "when I said 'I fucked up', you thought I was talking about... about..."

"About December."

"Yeah."

"But you weren't."

"No. I fucked up again last night."

"You did? What happened last night?"

I sighed.

"Amy, tell me. What did you do last night?"

"I told you!" I shouted. "I made out with the fucking ambassador!"

"Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah. I'm with you."

"Yeah. So that's a total of two fuckups in the last few months."

"No it's not," he said.

"What?"

"It's only one."

"One? How you figure? Have you been using Bender's floating point processor again? I told you, don't use that. This one time I added two plus two on that thing and got back five. Turned out it was using an extremely large value of two."

"It's okay, Amy. Compared to December, last night's not a fuckup. It barely qualifies as a miscue."

"You're doing it again," I murmured.

"Doing what?"

"You're reminding me of it."

"Of what?"

"The biggest disaster of my life."

He hugged me again, even more tightly.

"It's okay," he said once more. "We'll get through it."

I reached up and stroked his hair.

I could feel the bumps too. There was the one above his ear, and there was the one on the top, where the frontal and parietal bones meet.

"Wait," I suddenly said. "What about going back in time?"

"What?"

"You said, like, you thought I went back in time, or Leela went forward in time, or..."

"Oh, yeah," he responded. "Yeah, it was the only thing I could think of that made sense."

"Made sense?" I aksed, incredulously. "How the fuck did that make sense?"

"I don't know! You said you made out with him last night, and I was like, 'What does this have to do with Leela?' So, you know, that was the obvious connection."

"What was? That she went forward in time, caught us, and then went back?"

"I don't know! It coulda happened!"

I started to laugh.

It kept picking up, and amplifying itself, and stuff.

Pretty soon I was doubled over in hysterics. I had leaned forward out of the chair and was kneeling on the floor.

I was just getting it under control when Fry, still completely oblivious, aksed me, "So what's funny?"

My feedback loop of laughter resumed again.

I could hear Fry laughing too, but not as much. More like a normal person laughs.

That contrasted with the way I was laughing, which, thinking back on it, was a little different. A little insanesier.

Finally, I said, "Ai ya. Fry... you're a fucking moron."

He started to laugh, and that got me going yet again.

After we settled down again, he said, "So no time travel."

"No," I answered. "I mean, I wish I could go back in time and stop myself, but that's... that can never happen."

"Yeah."

We hugged again.

Finally, I sighed, put my shades back on, and said, "Come on. We'd better let the others back in."

Fry opened the door, and there was a delay as the others reentered the room.

They were all quiet.

In a moment, the ambassador cleared his throat, hesitantly, and said, "You've told him?"

"Yeah," I said.

A hand wrapped itself around mine.

On the assumption that it was Fry's, I started to feel just a little less shitty.

"Okay," the ambassador replied. "I told the others while we were waiting for you, so I guess we're all up to speed."

He paused for a moment, and then he went on, "And I expect that you'll all understand when I tell you I'm resigning."

"Wait, what?" I said.

"Effective immediately, I will no longer be serving as Stardust's ambassador to Epsilon Eridani 4. Deputy Callie will hold the post on an interim basis."

"You're... you're resigning?" I aksed him.

"Yes."

"What for?"

He didn't say anything.

The other guy jumped in and started to talk.

But partway through, I realised that it was Deputy Callie again.

She said, "Ms Wong, I can promise you that Phil feels absolutely terrible about what happened."

But the other Phil is the one who was really hurt, I thought.

"And the foreign minister of Stardust has made it clear to all of us that the... er... moral failings of the past are not to be repeated. So Phil felt that this was his only appropriate course of action."

"Yes," the newly former ambassador said. "As it is, I will have a lot to answer to at home, and so I will answer to it on my own time and not in the context of relations between our two planets. Diplomacy is full time work, even between closely aligned planets like Earth and Mars. It is much more than that for a couple of young, newly independent planets that the rest of the galaxy glances at only rarely, and even then with a glance that is a mix of disgust and condescension."

"I... I thought people liked us," I said.

"Well, regardless," Callie said, "Phil has already spoken with the minister, who has accepted his resignation. We also have to go inform Raoul and Vinnie. So if there's anything else...?"

I shook my head.

"All right. Then we'd best be going."

As we all stood up, the former ambassador came over to Fry and me and apologised again. Then he added, "I hope I haven't... that is... I... I hope you two... I hope this doesn't affect... you know... relations between you two."

Fry, still holding my hand, grasped it a little tighter.

"Sorry," the former ambassador said. "I was trying to find a diplomatic way to say that."

There was an uncomfortable pause.

"I love Amy," Fry simply said.

He said only three words, but the rough, stern way he said them spoke volumes.

The former ambassador said, "I understand."

Footsteps receded, and the door slid open and closed.

"Are we alone now?" I aksed.

"I'm here," I heard BW say.

"Oh."

"So I heard what you said, Fry," it told him.

"Heard what?" he aksed. "What did I say?"

"What you said just now. When you said you love Amy."

"Oh. Yeah, I do."

"Yeah," BW answered. "But that wasn't really all you were saying. It was more like, 'I love Amy, and while I may be disappointed in her now, anybody who tries to steal her away from me will soon find out that I am not the type of cryonaut you want to cross. So go now, and don't look back, and don't let our paths cross again if you like your testicles where they are.'"

BW had affected a sort of Western dialect for that line.

That surprised me.

"Didn't know you were into Westerns," I said.

"I've seen a few."

"Wait," Fry said. "Are you into Westerns?"

I waited for BW to answer. But then I had to aks, "Talking to BW or me?"

"You."

I waited again.

BW, with more than a trace amount of irritation, said, "He means you, Amy."

"Oh. Yeah, I watched a lot of them with my parents. Didn't really like a lot of them, but I liked the Robot with No Serial Number."

"Come on," BW scoffed. "That version was just a ripoff of Akira Qurokxzaawa's. Way better. Have you seen that one? Ow!"

I was getting better at smacking people on the side of the head.

"The fuck was that for?" BW aksed.

"You said seen again."

"You might have seen it before... um..."

"Before I went blind?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. No, I didn't see it."

"Oh, you have to!"

I gave it a smack again.

BW replied, "All right, that one I earned. Anyway, there's this one scene where the good Trisolian meets the bad Trisolian at high orange noon, early red afternoon, shortly after yellow sunset. Come on. I'll describe it to you in great detail on the way back to your place."

BW stayed for lunch, and then it drafted up a statement for me to release to the press. It had me admitting to what happened between Phil Bindi and me, and it made clear that both of us were equally at fault, as we were both drunk off our asses.

I had wanted to use that phrase, but BW changed it to something like "not in full control of our faculties".

BW actually received a couple of calls from reporters that afternoon, one from Stardust and one from the Sewer Observer (the name still hadn't been changed). It seemed that Phil Bindi had just announced his resignation, and he had been making it sound like he was the one making the advances. BW suggested not saying anything to contradict his story, but I wanted to be honest.

"I'm no angel either," I said to BW.

"Yeah, but this is a big step," it answered back. "There's a difference between lying and telling the truth, but... leaving stuff out, I mean, everybody does that. It's not like anybody else was there. It would be your word against his."

I said, "But it might save his career. I don't want to destroy him for something that was my fuckup too. Besides, it may not be actively lying, but it's still keeping things from people."

"I thought you liked your privacy."

"I do. I like not having to tell people things that don't matter. But this does matter."

BW gave in and kept the text in.

After it left, Fry aksed me about that.

I told him, "Yeah, I know. It's just... this could destroy that dude's career. You heard what the deputy said about their foreign minister. It sounded like they had some shit happen before, and so they don't want anybody to do anything unseemly."

"To keep it in their pants?" Fry suggested.

"Yeah," I said. "Well, in this case, it's worse, just because of who we are. It might have looked like he was, you know, trying to get information, or get preferential treatment, or something. Something unethical."

"Oh. Well, anyway, I just heard... like... what you said about... you know... keeping things from people."

"Oh," I said. "I... I guess I want to limit the number of things I'm keeping from everyone. You know? I want that number to go no higher than one."

"Okay."

"Why? Do you think I should tell everyone?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"They'll never understand."

"I understand."

"That's different, Fry. You've been flying with me – and with her – for years. You know what it's like out there. You know how fast it can all go tentacles up. You're just glad that it wasn't you who accidentally did that to her."

"Well, that's not true," he said. "I do feel bad that it was you who did it. Because I know you two were friends. I mean, you talked shit about each other. But... well, I know you didn't mean it. I know you really liked her a lot. Had a lot of respect for her."

"Yeah," I said. "I started calling her sis those last few months. I wonder if that's really what it would have been like to have a big sister. Sometimes in awe of her, sometimes frustrated with her, sometimes jealous of her."

"Sounds kinda like me and my brother," Fry said. "Except for those times you two did it."

I laughed a little.

"But yeah," I went on. "Through it all, I guess I... I loved her. I totally loved her. I..."

I was starting to have trouble standing. I walked over, gingerly, to where I thought the couch was. I took shorter steps as I got closer to its projected location. Soon it brushed up against my leg, and I turned around and sat down, my head in my hands.

Fry sat next to me and put his arms around my shoulders.

"You know what I was about to say there?" I aksed him.

"What?"

"I was about to say, 'I loved her to death'."