Down for the Count, eleventh part: Flit

by Deb H

Sunday 02 September 3004

We returned to Earth today for dinner with the Turangas. On the way, Fry said that he wanted to visit Leela's grave, and he aksed me if I wanted to. I did.

"Sure," he said. "I'll go before dinner, and you go after dinner."

"We can't go together?" I aksed.

"Yeah, we could, but... well... I've kinda been... I talk to her whenever I visit. And I always go alone. Especially when you were, you know, gone."

"Oh."

"Yeah. So, anyway, I don't know if talking to her is gonna help you like it helps me. But, you know, you should be able to visit her alone too."

I couldn't picture myself sitting there talking to the radioactive water like Fry did. But I guess I should have had some alone time.

After all, ever since Bender rescued me, Fry had been at my side, around the clock.

And I was probably going to have to get used to that, at least until they fixed my eyesight.

So we landed on Earth and went down into the sewers.

Fry took my hand and moved it forward quickly. Our knuckles struck a hard, but thin, surface.

In a moment, the door opened.

"Oh my god. Look at you," I heard.

"Hi," I said.

"Oh, get in here!" Mrs Turanga shouted as the surprisingly warm touch of her tentacles wrapped around me. "You're here! You're really here! Oh, honey, I thought we'd never see you again! Morris! Get in here! They're here!"

Now she put her tentacles on either side of my face. "You look great, Amy! I know you wouldn't know it, but trust me, you do! This eye never lies!"

"Hey guys!"

"Hi Mr Turanga," I said.

"Oh, get over here!" He lifted me up and spun me around in another hug. "Can't believe our girl is finally back! Hey, how have you been? Busy? You know, you look great. Course, you probably have no idea."

"That's just what I was saying," Mrs Turanga added. "I was just saying, you may not know, but you do. You do look really good. Could put some meat back on your bones, though. And I'd ditch the cargo pants if I were you. Not for your hips. But you look great. Oh, it is so good to see you again!"

This went on for another few minutes, and only then, after that had been completed, did they acknowledge Fry. He greeted them and then added, "Hey, I'm gonna go visit the lake. I'll be back in a few minutes."

And with a kiss for me, he was gone.

"Come on into the living room, Amy," Mr Turanga said. "I'll get you a drink."

I said, "Sure."

I shuffled forward.

Mr Turanga said, "Oh, I'm sorry," as he came over and took my arm. He guided me to the couch.

"Sorry," I said. "I just don't know the layout for sure."

"Yeah. No, I'm sorry. I should have known you'd need help."

"I don't always need help. It's just unfamiliar rooms. I mean, I've been here before, but, well, if I'd known I'd get blinded, I could have planned ahead. Made maps of all the places I would need to go to."

He got me a glass of wine, and then they aksed me about how I got by now that I couldn't see. I said I managed fine as long as I had Fry's help.

"It's everything," I said. "The little things especially. Like, when I get dressed. I've started to put labels on my clothes so I know what colour they are."

"What kind of labels?" Mrs Turanga aksed. "I mean, you wouldn't just take a piece of paper and write blue on it, right?"

"No," I said. "Well, it's scraps of paper, but I just make them in different lengths, and fold them in different shapes. Like, a crane is white, a fish is blue, a nebula is black. Things like that."

Mrs Turanga said, "Oh, that's good. You have a system."

"Yeah."

"Wait," Mr Turanga said. "How do you fold a piece of paper into a nebula?"

I gave the comeback line, "Very carefully."

"Of course," he said. "I suppose I walked right into that one."

I took another sip and said, "So... you two didn't move."

"No, we could never move," Mrs Turanga said. "This is our home."

"But it's a sewer."

"But it's our home. It may be just a sewer to all those normals on the surface, but we've lived down here, studied down here, had a kid down here..."

"Surfed down here," Mr Turanga added.

"Yeah. We've made it our home."

I argued, "But I don't want you to be left behind. We're making a new home."

"Sweetheart, we're old," Mr Turanga said to me. "It's too late for us to move to a new home. There's still plenty of other mutants who decided to stay. Your planet, that's for your generation. That's for your generation of mutants. We'd just slow you down."

"That's not true," I said. "We would love to have you there."

"I know."

"Well, we could live there at some point," Mrs Turanga suggested. "Like if you two have kids, and you need someone to help take care of them."

"Kids?" I aksed.

"Of course. You two should have kids. You would be great parents. That Fry, he's really looking forward to starting a family."

"He is?"

"Sure! We talked about that the last time he was here. I mean, it was while you were gone, so he was all mopey and out of sorts, but he said he was in love with you, and if you did survive, he would want to have kids with you."

"Really? He said that?"

Mrs Turanga said, "Of course. Haven't you two talked about that?"

"No," I replied. "We've been busy with... with other stuff."

"Well, that's not exactly other stuff," Mr Turanga said. "If you know what I mean."

I sighed. "That's not what we've been doing."

"Of course not."

"No, I mean it. We... I mean... we sleep in the same bed. Been doing that for a while. But we don't actually..."

"Oh, it'll be fantastic! When you finally do it, that first time is incredible, I know. I mean, the first time your mother and I did it, we were –"

"Morris!"

"Wait," I said. "What did you say?"

There was a pause. Actually, a fairly long one.

Mr Turanga said, in a much more subdued voice, "I just said 'your mother and I', didn't I?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry," he said. "It's just, you remind me so much of our daughter. It's like you're... I don't know..."

"A replacement?" I aksed.

He started to protest. "It's... it's not like that."

"It's okay," I said. "I don't mind being your replacement daughter. I mean, you're my replacement parents."

I stood up and reached my arms out. They got the hint and joined me in a hug.

Fry came back after we were done, and we had dinner.

Fry did most of the talking, which I was actually glad for. He told them about everything that had happened since his last visit: the peace treaty, my rescue, diplomacy, and the minor scandal that I had caused.

About all I said was that I felt awful about it and that I was just happy that Fry wasn't making a big thing of it.

Later, Mr Turanga took Fry upstairs to show him some of their pieces of Leelanalia. So I had a moment alone with Mrs Turanga.

"How's that BW doing?" she aksed.

"Fine. It was going to change back to a girl, but with... with everything that happened the last few days, I guess it's postponed that."

"Oh."

I traced my fingers up and down the stem of the wine glass.

"Mrs Turanga?"

She sighed, "Is there any way at all we can get you to call me Munda?"

"I don't think so."

"Well, all right."

"Listen," I said. "I want to aks you something. About... about Leela."

"Of course, dear. What is it?"

"Well... let's say she had, you know, brought someone here. To... to meet you."

"A boyfriend?"

"Yeah. Only... say it was a girlfriend. How would... how would you feel about that?"

Suddenly, Mrs Turanga said, "Oh, I see what you're aksing. I know where you're going with this."

"You do?"

"Of course. Plain as the eye on Morris's face. Listen, I don't know how she felt about it, whether she would have, but if she had, I would have supported her all the way."

"You would?"

"Absolutely. One hundred percent. I mean, you two would have been good together."

"What?"

"Woulda broken Fry's heart. Which is a shame. He's a nice boy. My Leela never really saw that until it was too late. But yeah, you two, not a big deal. That would have been great. I think you could have made her happy, I really do."

"What?" I aksed again. "No. I'm... I'm not talking about me."

"Oh. You're not?"

"No."

"Then... then what?"

I hesitated, and then just said, "It's not important."

She reached over and wrapped her tentacles around my hands.

She was being totally supportive. I know she would have understood about my dreams. I know she wouldn't have thought I was crazy, or anything.

But still I couldn't bring myself to tell her about them.

Finally, I said, "No, I was just... I was just wondering about how you felt about her. What you thought she should do."

"Do about what?"

"Well, I mean, did you have some type in mind for her? Did you want her to marry, like, a normal human? Or an alien? Or what?"

She didn't answer for a moment.

"I don't know," she finally said. "I think I would have been okay no matter who it was. I think I just would have been pleased to see my daughter get married."

I said, "Okay, well, what if it was another mutant? Wouldn't you be disappointed about that? Wouldn't you think it was a waste?"

"A waste of what?"

"You know. You left her on the surface. As... as a normal. Didn't you want her to marry another normal?"

"Well, actually, I wanted her to marry Fry."

I said, "Yeah, but... what I mean is, what did you have in mind for her? When you left her up there? What kind of person did you want her to end up with?"

"What difference does it make what kind?" she said. "Anyone who'd make her happy. Why are you aksing?"

I looked away. "It doesn't matter."

"Listen," Mrs Turanga said. "I don't know what you're trying to get me to say. But I loved my Leela. And I trusted her. I had to. I mean, I had no influence over her for most of her life. But, well, anyone who was good enough for her was good enough for me."

I replied, "I think that's what I wanted you to say."

Just then I heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Hey, Amy?" Fry aksed.

"Yeah?"

"Hey, so it's getting late. I, um, I think we should get you to the lake, and then we can go home."

"What time is it?" I aksed him.

"It's almost ten."

"Where?"

"What?"

"It's almost twenty two where?" I aksed. "Local time?"

"Yeah. Here."

"Okay."

I said good night to the Turangas, and then Fry led me to the lakeshore. We didn't say anything along the way, other than Fry giving me directions about when to step up or down or around a water main.

Eventually he led me to a low wall. This one I recognised. It was the one that marked where they had wanted to build the park, although now that they had their own planet, the park was going to be built there instead.

Regardless, I sat down on the edge of the wall. Fry held on to my hand for another minute, and then as he let go, he said, "I'm going to go back to their house for a little bit. How long do you want?"

"I don't know. Ten minutes?"

"Okay. I'll come back. Or just call me if you're ready before that."

"Okay."

His hand drifted away.

I turned toward the water.

I guess I could have been facing the wrong way. But the sounds of lapping water, and the infrared glow of mutatious waters, seemed to be coming from this direction.

I sat there and listened.

It seemed ridiculous to sit there and talk to the water, as though Leela was actually there.

But Fry said it helped.

Well, Fry was an idiot.

It was insane, I decided. There wasn't any point. There wasn't any point any more in saying something to Leela.

Because she wasn't there to hear it.

She never will be any more.

I forced myself to stop thinking about that. Instead, I started thinking about Fry.

He had actually thought that Leela had gone forward in time. Even though there was no such thing as time travel.

Not for those of us who actually know how to use a microwave oven, at least.

Still, what if she had?

What if Leela had actually travelled forward in time, only to catch me making out with the ambassador?

Well, I would say, "Who's there?"

And I would hear, "It's me."

I would go all slack jawed and shit, and I would say, "Holy fuck, it's you."

And then I would run over and give her a huge hug, only to go crashing into the doorway.

She would drag me onto the bed and aks, "Are you okay? You just completely missed me."

"I'll say I missed you."

I would reach out and let her hug me. Then I would pull her tight, not caring about the tears that would surely get everywhere, and then when I finally pulled back, I would start to caress her face.

"Um... what are you doing?" she would aks.

"I... I just want to feel you."

"Oh."

There would be a pause, and then, as I was running my hands down her ponytail, she would say, "Ohhhh," like something was dawning on her.

"What?" I'd aks.

"You're blind."

"Yeah."

"How did... wait. First off, I should tell you, I'm not your me."

"Well, you've never been anyone's you."

"Well, I mean, I'm from the past. I travelled in time."

"You... you did?"

"Yeah. A few months. Anyway, who was that guy you were just making out with? Where'd he go?"

"I don't know," I would say as I let my hands explore her neck and shoulders. "I didn't even know he left. I can't see, remember?"

"Why can't you see? What happened? Did you get one too many of Bender's celebratory champagne corks in your eyes?"

"No, I haven't been around any of Bender's celebrations lately."

"Why not? We all spend so much time together. You're bound to. Unless Planet Express went out of business. Oh god! Did Planet Express go out of business? I only went forward a few months! I was wondering what would happen if I finally started to go out with Fry, and I could think of all kinds of insane possibilities, but I couldn't figure out which ones were actually going to happen, and then I found this 36 bit sequence that made this green bubble thing that I could travel in time in, and so I went forward a few months, only some other guy had moved into my apartment, and some androgyne was at Planet Express, and he-slash-she said you were on this planet, so I went down to South Street Spaceport and spent all the cash I had on me on a ticket here, only after I bought the ticket I realised that the time bubble thing could also transport me in space, and so I chastised myself for being so stupid, but then I had to travel back in time a few minutes to make up for the time I wasted chastising myself, and then I transported here, and there was this, like, reception or party or something going on, and just then I realised that I might be able to sell my ticket back, so I transported back to the spaceport and tried to sell it back, only they wouldn't take it because apparently I hadn't bought it yet, so I waited in line right behind myself and then tried to sell it, and then they said I couldn't sell it back to them, and I was like, 'Well why didn't you tell me in the first place instead of making a big deal about the transaction time that was printed on it?' And then I fantasised about whipping all their asses, and then I had to travel back in time a few minutes to make up for the time I wasted fantasising about whipping all their asses, and then I transported back to this planet, and then I came here and found you making out with that freakish titty guy, and then you crashed into the wall, and then I told you all this, and now I'm going to have to go back in time a few minutes to make up for the time I wasted telling you this. Wait right here."

"Wait," I would say. "Don't go."

"Why not?"

"I... it's so good to see you again."

"You just said you couldn't see."

"Ai ya."

"So why are you and Fry on this planet anyway? I saw him downstairs, but it was just as I was going back to Earth. And when I came back, I didn't say hi to him just yet, because I thought I might be around here somewhere and I didn't want to confuse him, because you know how he gets confused when there's just one of me, so imagine what he'll be like when there's an extra one of me."

"Well, normally that would be his wet dream, but I don't think you have to worry about that."

"Why don't I – hey!"

"What?"

She would whisper, "You're... you're feeling me up."

Then I would realise that I was feeling her breasts.

"Oh," I'd say. "Sorry."

"Wait here."

She would get up off the bed. Then I would hear a bweep noise, and then she would sit down next to me again.

"What happened?" I'd aks her.

"Locked the door."

"Oh."

"Amy?"

"Yeah?"

"As you were?"

It would take me a moment to understand what she was aksing.

Then she would take my hands and put them back on her breasts.

It would have been a request. An invitation.

I would continue feeling the rest of her body.

I would have just wanted to feel her body. To remind myself what it looked like.

But she would have gotten something out of it too.

Before long, I would have started to hear her making soft moans and whimpers.

I would have been a little weirded out, but I would have continued to feel her breasts, her stomach, her ass. I even would have slipped a hand between her legs.

But I wouldn't have taken off her clothes, and I would have kept going down her legs to her feet.

And that might have disappointed Leela, though she wouldn't have admitted it.

When I was done, I'd say to her, "Sorry. I don't know if you felt like... a piece of meat or something. But... well, I had to."

"All right," she'd say. "Well, can I aks you a question?"

"Sure."

"What happened to your hair?"

"My hair?"

I would reach up and feel my hair.

The hairstyle I'd sported for years was long gone by then. I used to call it the winged folds, and it had stuck with me through thick and thin.

Literally. I started using it back when I was a fat teenager.

Now, though, I just leave my hair short and let it hang down about to my chin, like a bob.

It would have been completely normal to me, but Leela would have thought it was weird.

I would say, "Yeah, I started wearing it like this a while back."

"You did? Why?"

"I don't know. I just... I felt like I had to change it. It was too cute the way I used to wear it."

"You don't want to be cute any more?"

I'd sigh, "Not really."

"Wow," she would say. "You really have changed."

"Psh. Tell me about it."

"So... how long have you been blind?"

"A few weeks."

"And you haven't seen me in that time."

"Longer."

"Oh. Why's that?"

I would open my mouth, but the words wouldn't come out.

Finally, I would say, "Long story."

"Fast version?" she'd suggest.

I would shake my head and answer, "Even the fast version would take too long."

"Okay. Superluminal version?"

"Well, first, when are you coming from?"

"What?"

"You said you travelled forward a few months. It's August now. When did you travel from?"

"December."

I would gasp, but I would recover well enough to aks, "When in December? What day?"

"The first. Why?" she would aks, starting to become alarmed. "Does something happen in December?"

"Oh shit. Shit. Shit. Shit."

"What is it? Does something happen in December?"

"So much shit happened in December."

"What? Does it go badly between me and Fry? Is that why he's here? I dump him so hard he can't even live on Earth any more? He has to get the hell out of the Solar System to escape his painful memories?"

"No, that's not it. I mean, he's got painful memories, but that's not why."

"Then what?"

"Oh shit," I'd say, burying my face in my hands. "Huí dào dìfāng. I never meant to, Leela. I never meant to do it. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad."

"What? What happened? Did you convince me to cheat on Fry?"

"No."

"Did you convince Fry to cheat on me?"

"No."

"Did Fry cheat on me with you?"

"No."

"Did I cheat on Fry with you?"

"No, that's not what... wait. You would cheat on Fry with me?"

"I don't know. I'm just aksing."

"You would do that? I mean, I always thought... well, like, when we did it those couple of times, I never thought that you were, like, really into that shit."

"I wasn't, but... you seem really happy to see me, so I just thought that maybe you and I were doing something."

"I wish we could. I mean, I wish you were around so I could at least think about it."

"You wish I was around? Where do I go? Does it have anything to do with Xmas?"

"How did you know?" I would aks.

"Well, I've been working on this plan for taking down Robot Santa."

"I know. I mean, well... um... your plan works."

"So we do take him out? That's fantastic! Oh, wait. It has unintended consequences, right? We take him out, only it turns out that Xmas is actually worse without him for some stupid reason, and so Mom builds another one, and then I go to an Arcturan lesbian convent to learn the secret methods that will disable the new Robot Santa. Is that it? That's it, isn't it? I'm cloistered in a convent with all those lesbians, only I don't want them, I want Fry, and I write to him every day, and he writes back telling me about all the things he's going to do when I get back, and I concentrate on that while I'm training and use it as motivation, knowing that when we take out the new Robot Santa, Fry and I can finally go on vacation for a few weeks and fuck each other until we're blind, and then – oops."

"It's okay," I'd laugh. "I'm just glad to hear your voice again."

"So how much longer before I'm out of the convent?"

"Well, um... no, that's not what happened."

"Then what did?"

"Well, you're right about the unintended consequences."

"Amy, tell me. Whatever it is, it's fine. As long as Fry doesn't end up hating me. Oh shit. Is that it? Does he hate me now? What did I do to him?"

"No," I'd say. "It's worse than that."

"Worse than having him hate me? How is that possible? There is so much I would have to do to get him to hate me. What could be worse than that? Did Planet Express finally go bankrupt and leave us all unemployed?"

"No."

"Is it worse than that?"

"Yeah."

"Did I crash the ship and become a paraplegic?"

"Worse than that."

"Quadriplegic?"

"Worse than that."

"Worse than that?" she'd aks. "It's gotta be pretty fucking bad, then. Did I take a knife to the face and end up with a horrible scar?"

"Worse."

"Did Fry get me pregnant?"

"Worse."

"Same thing, but a guy I met in a bar after Fry and I had a fight?"

"Worse."

"Same thing, but an Omicronian?"

"Worse."

"Same thing, but the Professor?"

"You mean, did the Professor knock you up?"

"Yeah."

"Eew. No. It's worse than that."

"Same thing, but Zoidberg?"

"Stop aksing shit like that. I'm gonna vomit."

Finally, she'd say, "All right. Just tell me."

"Okay. Superluminal version?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." I would take a deep breath and then say, "You, my parents, and Robot Santa are all dead. The mutants moved to this planet, only we were attacked, and I lost my eyesight and almost died. Bender rescued me, this planet is independent, and Fry and I are living together as the King and Queen of the Mutants."

"Wait, back up," she'd respond.

I would pause.

"Bender rescued you?!" she would aks in an incredulous tone. "Are you sure this isn't the parallel universe where everything's opposite? You know, I'm the rich normal... you're the poor mutant... Fry's attractive."

"Fry is attractive," I'd say.

She'd retort, "You really are blind."

"Yeah, but... he's changed."

"Changed? How?"

"He moved out of Bender's apartment. He's not delivering packages any more. He's working out. He's helping me run the place. And he's helping me... well, he's helping me cope."

She would stop to think about that for a moment. Then she would say, "Sounds like... sounds like he's matured."

"Yeah. He said it was so ironic."

"What was?"

"That that was exactly what you wanted him to do. To become mature. To grow up. That was what you wanted to see in him."

"Well, yeah, but... what's so ironic about that?"

"I just told you. You're dead."

"I'm...?"

She would be quiet for a couple of minutes.

Finally, she would whisper, "But... it's only been a few months."

"I... Leela, I know how long it's been."

"Well... when do I die? How?"

"You... you don't really want to know, do you?"

"Tell me," she would say, the words coming out like a growl.

"All right," I would say, as I tried to fight back tears. "The thirteenth of December."

Then there would be a long pause.

"Wh... what?" she'd aks. And it would be in a faint whisper.

"That's when you..." I would trail off.

"So... I've got less than two weeks to live."

"Listen. I know how you must feel."

"No you don't."

"I do. Listen. I..."

"Amy, how could you possibly know how I feel? You are the complete opposite of me. What could you and I possibly have in common?"

"A secret."

"What?"

I would say, "We both have a huge secret. One that nobody can know. One that we're depending on Fry to help keep secret."

"What?" she'd aks again. "I don't have a..."

She would falter and become quiet as she realised what I was talking about.

To launch the point home, I would say, "Where do your parents live, Leela?"

"Yeah. So... what's your secret?"

"This... this is a big one."

I would summarise the first couple of weeks of December: Leela going out with Fry, the happiest I had ever seen her. Us travelling to Canopus 5. Leela going to meet the guy. Me trying to rescue her.

Me fucking up.

Somewhere around then, I would start crying.

As though in a daze, Leela would say, "So... I'm dead."

"Yeah."

"You kill me."

"Yeah."

"Shit."

"Yeah."

Then I would wipe away a few of the tears, look up at her, and say, "Leela, you gotta stop this. You gotta, you know, stop all this from happening."

"I do? How?"

"Well, you're gonna go back to your time, right? To December?"

"Yeah."

"See? You'll know what's coming! You'll be able to avoid it!"

"How? Duck out of the way of your laser shot?"

"Leela, come on. Listen. All you gotta do is, when we go on the delivery to Canopus 5 and you meet that guy, all you gotta do is tell me not to worry. Tell me to stay with the ship. And when you come back, don't call me. Don't aks for my help. Just, you know, fight that guy – you really think he wouldn't hurt you?"

"He would try to intimidate me sometimes, but no, he wouldn't really hurt me."

"Okay, good. When he chases you, just fight him off and get back to the ship. That's all you gotta do."

"Just fight him off? I can do that."

"Good."

Then I would reach up to her face. I would put my thumb on her cheek, and then lean in and kiss it right next to my thumb.

"None of this has to happen," I'd repeat.

"None of what?" she'd aks. "What else happens? You said you took out Robot Santa."

"Yeah," I'd say with a sigh.

"Well... that's good, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but..." I'd say.

But then I'd think of something else and add, "Oh, shit."

"What?" she'd aks.

"That won't work."

"What? Why?"

"I... I saw it on the What-If machine."

"Saw what?"

"If... if you survive, you come back and try to take out Robot Santa."

"Yeah? Then what?"

"Then... well, then something else happens."

Then there'd be a pause.

Then she would take my arms and start to squeeze them, tight, with her fingernails almost slicing into my skin.

"Tell me," she'd demand.

"Then... then Fry and I die," I'd say.

She would release my arms and, after a pause, she would aks, "Fry and you?"

"Yeah."

"Both of you?" she would aks, with anguish creeping into her voice.

"Yeah. We try to deactivate Robot Santa, only he's booby trapped, and we accidentally trip it. Kills us both."

"So... either I die, or you and Fry die."

"Yeah. Guess so."

"But... wait, I got it," she would say, suddenly sounding excited. "All we have to do is forget about my plans. Then I don't go to meet Blake, which means I don't die, and we don't go after Robot Santa, which means you and Fry don't die."

"What?"

"See? It's perfect! I mean, if we do try to take out Robot Santa, there's two alternatives. Either way, one of us ends up alone. Either Fry or me."

"Yeah. No."

"What?"

I would say, "See... Fry and I are..."

"You're going out?"

"Yeah. Sort of. I mean we haven't been on, like, an official date or anything. But we're, like, staying together. Spending time together. I mean, a lot of that is just because I can't see, but even before, we were spending all our time together."

"So wait. Why can't you see? How did you get blind?"

"I told you. We were attacked."

"Who's 'we'?"

"Us. This planet."

"Yeah, but who's that? Who lives on this planet?"

"Well, a lot of people, but mostly settlers from the sewers."

"The sewers. You... you mean mutants."

"Yeah."

"And they live on the surface here."

"Yeah."

"So that means..." She would trail off, but then continue, "Amy, you... you liberate the mutants."

"It's Fry's idea."

"But you were involved."

"I pitched in," I would say with a shrug.

"And there are a lot of new buildings being built, right? How much is that costing?"

"It's not that much."

"But... how did you get that money? I mean, I know you're rich as fuck, but you'd have to get access to it. You couldn't have just gone up to your father and said, 'Hey, I need a few billion dollars to build a new planet for those mutants you sneer at.' Right?"

I wouldn't have been able to answer.

"Wait, that is what happened?" she'd aks.

I would sigh heavily. "No. See, my parents die and I inherit everything. I put in all the money for this planet, and the scholarship fund."

"Oh."

I would wipe away a couple more tears.

"I'm sorry, Amy," she'd say as she gave me another hug.

But after a moment, she'd suddenly sit up straight, pull back, and say, "Oh, fuck me."

"What?"

"An impossible choice."

"What?" I'd aks again. "What is?"

"There's three possibilities," she would say. "We forget about Robot Santa, which means we all live, but Xmas is still terrible. Or we do go after him, but I fight off Blake and stay alive, but then you and Fry sacrifice your lives to take out Robot Santa. Or we do go after him, but I don't fight off Blake, and I die, but we still take out Robot Santa, and we liberate the mutants. It's those three choices. Right?"

"Right."

"There. It's a no brainer."

"Right."

"Right. Well, I'm going back to my time."

"Great. So you're gonna toss your plans?"

"What?" she'd aks. "No, of course not. I'm gonna go back and live out the last couple of weeks of my life, and then you're gonna go and kill Robot Santa and liberate the mutants."

Immediately, I would shriek, "What?!"

She'd say, "It's the only choice."

"No! It's not!"

"Sure it is. You said it yourself. I was the happiest I've ever been, going out with Fry. And the mutants deserve to have a surface."

"No!" I would say again.

"It has to be this way, Amy. I saw them downstairs. I saw all those people. I didn't realise it at first, but they're mutants, right? They're all mutants? They were so happy. So excited."

She would take my hands and pull me close to her. "And it's all thanks to you," she'd go on. "You're going to lead them to freedom. You and Fry. You see? It all makes sense! You two can be their leaders for the rest of your lives! Like..."

"Like a king and queen," I would say.

"Yes! Exactly!" She would get more and more worked up and say, "I always wondered where I was going. Whether my life would have meaning. Whether I would make a difference. You see? This is it! This is me making a difference! I know these mutants! I know what they can become! I'll give myself up for that! Of course I will! I mean, what's one life for the future of a whole race?"

"But... but it's your life."

"It's settled then," she'd say. "I'm going back to live out the last couple of weeks of my life."

"You can't!"

"I have to. It's my decision to make."

"And I can't let you make it wrong."

And immediately she would put me in a choke hold.

"And how are you going to do that?" she would aks me. "You can't match me physically. You know it. You don't have a choice."

"Okay," I'd say.

But she would tighten the hold.

Then I would gurgle, "Okay! I give up! You can go back and kill yourself!"

"I'm not the one who's going to be killing me."

And that would make me start crying. More than I already would have been, that is.

"Sorry," she'd say as she released me. "But it's worth it. You know it is."

"It's not."

"Too bad. I know it is."

Then there would be silence for a while.

"Well," she'd say, "I want to talk to Fry before I go. Alone."

"Fine," I'd answer. "You'd better go then."

Then she would say, "I can't go down there. I already snuck past everyone without them seeing me. I can't do it again. You're gonna have to go get him for me."

"Fine."

I would start to get up off the bed, but then Leela would wrap me up in a hug.

"Amy... thank you."

"What for?"

"This. For leading the mutants. For taking care of them. And for... and for taking care of Fry. If it can't be me... well... I'm glad it's you."

"Oh fuck," I'd say. "Fuck. Leela... I'm... I'm... I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"Everything. How I treated you. I gave you so much shit about how you look, and how you dress, and how you act, and I didn't mean to say it like that. I never meant to say it like that. It's just... you're one of a kind. You're so totally unique, and you could have... you could have had even more. You could have had any guy you wanted. You could have had any number of people looking up to you. Not just me. That's why I said that stupid shit to you, Leela. I wanted you to take advantage of it. Just, you know, wear some nicer clothes. Do something different with your hair and your makeup every once in a while. Listen to other people's opinions. Give Fry a chance. But... but... now you can't.

"I'm sorry, Leela. I'm so sorry. I totally fucked it up. Just when you needed me. Just when you were depending on me. I fucked up, and I let you down, and I let myself down, and I let Fry down. I fucked up. It's the worst thing I've ever done. It's the worst thing I could ever possibly do. Forgive me. Please, please. Leela... please forgive me."

As I was talking, I realised that I wasn't would have saying all of that.

I was saying all of that.

I was sitting there in front of those waters, talking to Leela as though she was right next to me.

Just then, I heard Fry calling my name.

"Yeah?" I called back.

"Are you... are you ready to go?"

"Yeah."

"All right. I'm almost there."

When he arrived, he put his hand on my shoulder. I leaned over and kissed it.

As we travelled back home to Epsilon Eridani 4, I thought about how I had been talking to the water.

Not long ago, I had hidden behind that same wall, listening to Fry do the same thing.

I had thought he was crazy.

Well, who's crazy now?

And that's not including all the bizarre dreams I've been having.

Maybe that's my subconscious making up for everything that I can't see when I'm awake.

Am I going to have more dreams like that? More dreams about the quad armed boxer and her cyclopian wife?

And what about the Neptunians?

Is that true? Are they really descended from the mutants?

How would I even test that hypothesis? Lead Elzar into the sewers and push him in?

These are the things I think when I'm lying in bed with Fry's arms around me.

Lying in bed with Fry's arms around me is supposed to be good. And usually I like it.

But it still makes me think of Leela.

For the last couple of weeks, I've been sneaking out of bed and dictating these things. I used to write them in my book. Now I just use the speech to text mode on my wrist.

Actually, the whisper to text mode.

But it still helps. It helps me piece together what has happened. And it helps me figure out what to do.

For example, while I was dictating the thing about Mr Turanga, when he said I reminded them of Leela.

I had to stop dictating for a few minutes and just cry.

Talking about that made me realise something. And it helped me figure out what I have to do tomorrow.

I'm going to turn myself in.