Thanks for all the reviews. I hope you guys are enjoying this story, and if you have any suggestions for scenes/plot lines, I'll see what I can do to fit them in :)
"Damn it," Derek heard a familiar grumbling coming from the hallway a week later, and he frowned as he looked through the glass doors to see Meredith hopping up the stairs. He rolled his eyes and moved to open the door and grab her arm.
"Meredith, what the hell are you doing?" he asked. "Why aren't you using the elevator?"
"It's broken," she replied. "And I'm fine."
"You're not fine," he argued. "I don't know why you can't let anyone take care of you, but you can't go around hurting yourself."
"I'm not hurting myself," she said as she hobbled towards her room. "I'm walking towards my room."
"You just walked up four flights of stairs!" Derek exclaimed. "Meredith, you could have fallen and cracked your head open. What good would that have done anyone?"
"Well, lucky for me, my stalker is a future brain surgeon," she replied. "You would have been there just like you always are."
Derek stepped in front of her, prohibiting her from moving any further and he looked into her eyes. "What the hell is your problem?" he asked. "You won't even let me be friends with you now?"
"I don't need you!" Meredith yelled. "I don't need anyone, so just leave me alone."
"That's bullshit," Derek argued. He'd been waiting all week to do this, to find out what was going on in that head of hers. She had made it obvious that she didn't want anyone to break through the barriers she had set up for herself, and the entire time she'd been avoiding him, he'd spent trying to figure out how to get her to talk to him. "Everyone needs someone."
"That's not true," she argued as she tried to maneuver towards her.
"Yes it is," Derek said, moving to stand firmly in front of her door. "Do you want to tell me why the hell you're denying this?"
"Denying what?" Meredith asked, fire in her eyes.
"The fact that there's something between us," Derek said softly. "And not sexually. It's fine if you don't want that. But you're completely denying the fact that there's any connection between us at all, and I want to know why."
"You want to know why?" Meredith asked. "You really want to know why I can't let you get close to me?"
"Yes," Derek said, all anger fading away from his voice as he stepped forward, not touching her but his eyes boring into hers. "Why, Mer?"
Meredith bit her lower lip and turned to walk into her room, leaving the door open as a sign for Derek to follow. She sank onto her bed, and Derek paused for a moment before he sat down at her desk, not wanting to invade her space. There was a long silence in the room before Meredith finally began to speak.
"My dad…he left when I was five," Meredith said softly. "My mom was cheating on him, and they hated each other, so he just…he left. I heard them fighting the night before he left, and he told her that she was a robot, not really human and not worth loving. The next morning he was packing the car and I ran out to ask him where we were going. He always used to take me to the zoo, on picnics…fun stuff. But he looked at me and he told me I was exactly like my mother and that if I cared about anyone, I shouldn't let myself poison them."
"Oh, Mer," Derek breathed, moving to sit next to her on the bed. "That…is so not true."
"It is true," she replied around her tears. "And that's why I've never let any guy close to me. Because I'm poison. Especially you, Derek, you deserve so much better than me."
"Meredith," Derek whispered. "That is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard."
"It's true," Meredith insisted, reaching for the tissues that sat on the dresser next to her bed. "So can't you see that's why I can't let you get close to me? Because if we're friends, you're going to keep wanting more and I can't give you more because you'll just get hurt."
"Do you want to hurt me?" Derek asked quietly.
"What?" Meredith asked. "No, of course not. I'm protecting you, Derek."
"Listen to me," Derek said, reaching to cup her cheek in his hand and forcing her to look into his eyes. "Meredith, if you really don't like me and you don't want me around, then I'll back down. It's not what I want, but if you really don't want anything with me, I'm willing to forget it. But only if you can look into my eyes and tell me honestly that you don't feel a connection and don't want to see it through."
"It's not about what I want," Meredith shook her head, tears filling her eyes.
Derek felt his heart break for this amazing girl in front of him, and he couldn't help but feel the need to want to fix her. "It does," he insisted. "That's all that matters, Meredith."
"But my dad…"
"Is an asshole that I never want to meet," Derek dismissed. "I know those words hurt and you can't just forget about them, but for one second, think about what you want."
There was a long pause, and after a moment Meredith's tear filled eyes met his hopeful ones and she whispered, "I want you."
Derek felt relief and hope replace the anger and concern in his heart, and he smiled widely. "See, now, was that so hard?" he asked.
"I guess not," Meredith replied. "But…Derek, I don't know how to do this."
"It's okay," Derek nodded. "We don't need to do anything until you're ready."
She nodded, staring past him to gaze out the window. "You've probably had lots of perfect girlfriends before," she stated.
He smiled softly. "Believe it or not, there's only been one girlfriend," he said. "And she was far from perfect."
"I've…I don't have boyfriends," she whispered.
"Who said anything about a boyfriend?" Derek asked.
"You want…" Meredith started, shaking her head slightly. "You want perfection."
"I don't want perfection," Derek argued. "And I'm not going to lie and say I don't want to date you. I do. But if you're not ready…I'm good with being friends. I just don't want to be shoved out of your life."
Meredith nodded. "No pressure?" she whispered.
"None," Derek replied, holding up his hands. "Scouts Honor."
Meredith giggled. "You were a Boy Scout?" she asked.
"For a couple weeks," Derek replied. "But Mark got us kicked out."
"Mark got both of you kicked out?" Meredith asked, an eyebrow raised.
"Yes, I was the perfect Boy Scout," Derek said proudly. "He set me up."
"I see," Meredith said, a sparkle in her eyes. "And what did Mark do that got both of you kicked out?"
"He may have ran through the Girl Scout showers and put a mouse in one of the cabins," Derek said.
"Ah," Meredith nodded. "I'll be sure to tell Addison that her boyfriend is so skilled that he can be in two places at once and everything you've ever gotten in trouble for was his fault."
"Exactly," Derek nodded. "I'm glad someone finally understands."
Meredith smiled softly, but he could still see the fear present in her eyes. "Are you sure, Derek?" she asked.
"I'm sure," he nodded. "Friends. Nothing more."
"And nothing less," Meredith agreed.
Derek smiled and cocked his head to the side, causing Meredith's breath to catch in her throat as she looked into his eyes. After a moment, she reached for his hand and squeezed gently, whispering his name.
"Hmm?" he asked, allowing himself to shift so that he was sitting beside her.
"I'm getting my cast off on Tuesday," she replied. "Will you…can you come with me?"
"Of course," he replied. "We're going at your pace with this. I'm good with being friends."
"Okay," Meredith nodded. "And, um…I know Addison will probably be in your room with Mark, so…you can sleep in here. You know, cause that's what a friend would do."
Derek smiled. "Thanks," he said softly. "I like that I have a place to go when I'm sexiled."
Meredith giggled. "I'm sorry, Derek," she whispered.
"For what?" Derek frowned.
"For pushing you away," Meredith replied. "Addison told me that I was hurting you and I didn't want to do that, but…I just don't know how to do this. And I'm sorry for that too. Because if it were up to you, I would be some perfect bimbo who hung on your every word."
Derek frowned. "Why would I want that?" he asked. "And I'm going to keep telling you, Meredith, I just want to know you. It doesn't matter how, I just…I need to have you in my life."
"Okay," she whispered. "I just don't want to hurt you again."
Derek smiled as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "You won't, Mer," he whispered. "Because I have faith in you."