"Welcome back to the new improved Goa'uld-Klingon War!"
Floating above the battlefield, with armies stretched out in every direction on a gray landscape, the Master held out his arms. As he smiled, he leaned forward to address the group of seven people he had been throwing around in time and space.
"I call it 'new and improved' because instead of going on for mere decades it has lasted for centuries. All because of you and your efforts to save Edith Keeler!"
"Happy to help," Colonel Jack O'Neill said.
The Master threw back his head and laughed, a loud shrieking piercing laugh.
Below the pale one, Captain Kirk, Spock and Doctor McCoy fired their phasers at armored Jaffa while SG-1 exposed Klingons to the numerous rounds of automatic weapons.
"These 'Klingons' don't look all that alien," O'Neill said. "More like humans with beards and big eyebrows."
"Indeed," Teal'c said as he fired his staff weapon.
As the Master flew off to other parts of the battlefield, O'Neill leaned in to talk to his new phaser-firing friends, all of them relatively safe behind a concrete barrier.
"You sure this plan of yours is going to fly, Kirk?"
"I see no other alternative." Kirk, along with the others, ducked at the sound of a nearby explosion. "If you have a better idea, now's the time."
The colonel considered for a moment. "Nothing comes to mind," he conceded.
McCoy smiled. "Try not to worry, Colonel O'Neill. I've seen Jim beat incredible odds before. Just ask Scotty," he chuckled.
"That is illogical, doctor, as Chief Engineer Scott is not present."
"It's all right, Spock," O'Neill said. "I've seen Kirk do his thing once or twice on the T-V show." He stood, fired, ducked back down. "Of course it's a lot different when actual Klingons are actually firing at me!"
"Nevertheless, there is a certain logic to Captain Kirk's plan," Spock said and then he fired.
Carter crawled over to join the group. "Sirs, is this a good idea? Aren't we just altering the timeline further?"
O'Neill waved his hand. "Look around you, Carter. This timeline has pretty much had it."
McCoy spread his hands. "The only thing we can do is defend ourselves, Major Carter. Until we put Jim's plan into action."
"That's the thing, Doctor McCoy," Carter said and then she fired three times. "What about all the new ways the timeline is going to be altered because of the plan?"
McCoy smiled then fired. "The way these things work is when there's a powerful being there's usually someone else who can help fix the situation."
"Let's hope that's the case here," Kirk said.
Spock frowned. "'Hope' is not a sound basis for a plan. Nevertheless, I see no logical alternative."
"For now," O'Neill said.
Frowning, Daniel noted one of the felled Klingons had sparks shooting out of a jagged hole exposing wires and components. It was impossible not to notice as the Klingon had fallen very close to him after being shot by Teal'c.
"It's an android," Daniel realized aloud.
"They all are, Doctor Jackson," the Master said as he floated back into position above them. He laughed and clapped his hands. "As the war dragged on for centuries, both sides were able to develop android armies." As he rocked back and forth, he laughed and clapped some more. "A much more civilized way to conduct warfare, don't you think?"
"War is war," Kirk said. "It always has some kind of cost."
Carter gave the Master a defiant look. "If there's no real cost to either side, doesn't that make it easier to start a war? And then prolong it?"
"You are correct, Major Carter," Teal'c said then he gave the Master a grim look. "War is not a game. One should only undertake if it one is prepared to bear the true cost."
"And fight only when it's necessary," McCoy said.
Spock wore his very serious narrow-eye look. "To do otherwise is illogical."
Giggling, the Master clapped his hands. "I do so enjoy your philosophical debates."
O'Neill gave him a look. "How's this for a philosophical debate? You're nuts!"
"I'm with Jack on this."
"Thanks for backing me up, Daniel."
Crossing his long pale arms, the Master looked slightly stern as he leaned forward. ":Let's remember who's in charge here."
"You are," they all said, under the control of the Master.
"Thank-yew." The Master spoke in a comical voice as he bowed his head.
The action around them froze. The Master hovered above them with his legs crossed and arms extended.
"Let's pause, shall we?" The Master closed his eyes.
Angrily, Captain Kirk stepped forward. "You claim to be a superior being, a being of great power. But what are you really doing?"
"You're not doing much of anything," McCoy drawled, sounding almost bored as he did.
Spock crossed his arms he as turned away from the Master. "Your acts are most insignificant."
"Indeed," Teal'c said.
"You're nothing." O'Neill also turned away from the Master then waved a hand in the face of a motionless Jaffa.
"Yeah, I know I'm pretty bored." Daniel sighed as he hunched his shoulders and rubbed his sleeves to help against the cold. "How about you guys?"
"Pretty bored, Daniel," Carter said, looking off.
"This loathsome creature grows most tiresome," Teal'c said.
"Well, there you have it," O'Neill said, raising his eyebrows at the Master. "The vote is in. You've worn out your welcome. Time to shove off."
"Yes, why not run along now?" Kirk said, waving his hand. "Either that or really do something with your power. Something worthy of the name 'Master.'"
The Master rolled his eyes as he smiled and shook his head. "We're not doing that old 'go-back-to-the-beginning-of-time' gag again, are we?"
Kirk held out beseeching hands. "We're trying to get you to do something really great."
"Yeah, something more than this little magic show you've been putting on," O'Neill said with another dismissive wave.
Spock stood with his hands behind his back. "Yours is power without purpose, intellect without discipline, expenditure of energy without focus."
"So noted, Mister Spock."
"Basically, you're just a pest," O'Neill said.
"So noted, Colonel O-Neill."
After blinking his eyes and shaking his head, Daniel lifted up his hands to the Master. "What we're saying is: if you've got all this power, why not take it and really direct it into something big?"
"Something grand," McCoy said, spreading his hands.
"That's right," Kirk said emphatically. "Really do something great. What you're doing now is nothing."
"You're nothing," O'Neill said.
"You are most insignificant," Teal'c said.
"Yep. Nothing," Carter said.
There was something in the Master's face just then: not the usual smug smirk. Not the slightly menacing look he got at times. No, instead the Master looked stricken.
"Here's an idea," Daniel said. "Instead of bothering with us, why not do something like assassinate Hitler?"
"Or defeat an entire army," Carter said.
"Or lead many armies throughout history," Teal'c said.
Again, Kirk held up cupped hands. "Take over nations. Take over the world. Only put yourself at the center of it."
"Yeah, just leave us out of it," O'Neill said.
McCoy smiled. "There's got to be more important things to do than bother with us."
"You may be right," the Master said in a slightly high-pitched voice as he rubbed his chin.
"It is only logical that whatever actions you take with your great power, you receive the credit for it," Spock said and lifted an eyebrow.
"Take on real challenges," Kirk urged. "Defeat great armies. The Romans. The Greeks. The Nazis. The Goa'uld."
"Those Klingon guys," O'Neill said.
Daniel lifted a finger. "Maybe you could turn Einstein into a world dictator. Or a superhuman. Just, you know, make sure everyone knows you're behind it."
"Let your name go down in history," Kirk said. "The great and powerful Master."
"I like that," the Master said, hands on hips.
"But again, leave us out of it."
"Yes, Captain Kirk, I like that," O'Neill said. "Leave us alone. I like that part. A lot."
The Master's smile got very big, an almost Grinch-like smile. As his face crunched up in thought, he touched his fingers together.
"No doubt this appeals to you a great deal."
"It does indeed, Mister Spock."
"Of course it does," McCoy said. He smiled as he spread his hands and bowed. "You are both powerful and wise, great one."
"So wise," Carter said.
"So great," from Daniel.
Kirk's shoulders went up as he made his speech. "Whatever great things you're going to do, do as many as you can as quickly as you can."
Spock nodded. "It would be the most effective way to demonstrate the magnitude of your power."
The Master tapped his tentacle-like fingers against each other, then his eyes widened.
"Let's do this!"
As he smiled, the Master held his arms out wide. As he wiggled his fingers, he bowed his head and closed his eyes.
"And away we go!" he shrieked.
The scenery around them rapidly changed, and SG-1 and their "Enterprise" friends had to hold on to each other for balance.
As images rapidly swirled by, Kirk thought it was like watching images inside the Guardian of Forever.
"That's the way to do it, you old Master you!" O'Neill shouted.
As they clung to each other, Daniel and Carter shouted out suggestions of more things the Master could do.
"But do them all at once," McCoy urged. "As many as you can."
With winds swirling around him, Kirk held a hand to his forehead as he squinted up.
"Do as much as you can! Do it all at once! This isn't too much for you. You are the great and powerful one!"
"Just like the Wizard of Oz," O'Neill said.
"Better than the wizard," Daniel said.
"Much better," from Carter.
"Indeed."
"I am the greatest, I really am," the Master said excitedly, almost like a little boy. "Look at me!"
"That's really good," O'Neill said. "Proud of you, buddy."
The ground under the group trembled even more violently.
"Getting a little seasick here," McCoy said. "On dry ground, no less. How about you, Daniel?"
"Allergies are acting up a little."
"See me in sick bay later."
Looking up at the Master, Daniel spoke in a nasal voice.
"Don't mind us. Just keep using your power."
"It is most impressive," Teal'c said.
"Ah, you can do better than this," O'Neill said.
At first, the Master smiled and nodded. Then he groaned, and his head drooped.
That was when they all let him have it.
Teal'c was first. When he fired his staff weapon, the Master convulsed. Kirk, Spock and McCoy fired their phasers; O'Neill, Carter and Daniel unleashed their automatic weapons, each one frowning and squinting as he/she fired.
The Master fell to the still ground. Once he observed no movement, O'Neill moved toward him. The others followed to gather around the fallen one. Sparks shot out of wires from a large hole in his chest cavity.
"The Master was an android as well," Teal'c observed.
"The question is: who made him?" McCoy asked.
"I'm afraid that would be us, Doctor McCoy." A gray bearded man, six-and-a-half feet tall at least, stepped into the scene. He wore a long green robe with black etchings. Daniel thought the robe looked part Kryptonian, part Doctor Strange.
O'Neill's eyebrows shot up. "And you are?"
"I am among those who monitor the multiple universes, Colonel O-Neill. We guard against alterations in timelines."
"Well, you're doing a bang-up job."
Spock crossed his arms. "Please explain what has transpired in regard to this android."
"I am curious to know that as well, Mister Spock," Teal'c said.
"We built this android to aid us in our work. But the evil ones we fight against caused it to go rogue."
"To go against its programming, in other words."
"That is certainly one way to put it, Captain Kirk."
With a slightly cross expression, McCoy folded his arms. "You're a little late to the party," he said drily.
"Doctor McCoy's right," Carter said. "Your android's been running wild for quite some time. No pun intended."
Gray-beard smiled. "Believe it or not, we had other far more pressing crises to attend to."
"I find that hard to believe," Kirk said.
"Got a lot on your plate, do you?" O'Neill asked.
"We shouldn't be too surprised," McCoy said. "There are more things in heaven and earth."
"Quite so, doctor. As we on the 'Enterprise' are well aware."
"How about that, Spock? A rare moment of agreement for us."
Kirk grinned. "We've certainly had our share of unusual experiences."
"Hey, we've seen stuff, too," O'Neill said.
"Yes, of course, Colonel O-Neill. We'll swap stories on the bridge. Or maybe at your base," Kirk said with a smile.
"Maybe over drinks, if you're buying, Kirk." O'Neill raised his eyebrows. "Or we could have cake. You like cake, don't you?"
"Of course he does," McCoy said. "That would be the one universal constant, Colonel O-Neill."
O'Neill looked down on the android. "You can tell the guy's programming was a little screwy. He called himself 'the Master.'"
"It suggests he wanted to rule over others," Carter said.
"Some humans are like that," Daniel said.
"As are the Goa'uld," Teal'c said.
"And the Klingons," Kirk said.
"Don't forget Romulans," McCoy muttered.
"Vulcans were once quite barbaric," Spock said.
"Must be something in the water," O'Neill said.
"Or another universal constant," McCoy said with a sigh. "The desire to be a dictator."
The gray-haired one also sighed. "Regrettably, there are many races that want to rule over others."
"Well, at least this little adventure is over," O'Neill said.
"Yes, sir. It'll be good to go home," Carter said but then she turned to Gray-Beard. "But won't our knowledge of the future endanger the timeline?"
"Do not worry, Major Carter. I will arrange it so none of you have any memory of these events."
Now Carter looked down at the android. "In the future, you may want to be more careful with your toys."
"Noted, Major Carter. And don't worry, my friends. As far as the timeline, we shall put everything back the way it was." Gray-Beard held out his hands. "The waste of the Goa'uld-Klingon War shall be no more."
"Too bad you couldn't program your android with more of a conscience," Daniel said.
"We will do what we can in that area, Doctor Jackson."
Kirk smiled. "That may have worked to our advantage. We were able to play off his arrogance and vanity."
"He had no shortage of that," O'Neill said.
"He was indeed full of hubris."
"Well-spoken, Mister Teal'c."
"You also express yourself well, Mister Spock."
O'Neill adjusted his weapon so it was at his side but still ready to be used. "Well, folks, it's a shame we have to leave when we're all getting along so well. But it's time to say 'so long.'"
As he smiled warmly, Kirk stepped forward with his hand extended. "It was a great honor to meet you, Colonel O-Neill."
"I think I'll miss you most of all, Captain Kirk," O'Neill quipped.
"Likewise, I'm sure," Kirk said with a grin.
McCoy also shook hands with O'Neill. "It'll be hard to miss you with no memory of you."
"We'll do our darnedest, won't we, doc?" O'Neill said.
Daniel offered his hand to the medical officer. "Thanks for all your help, Doctor McCoy."
"You're welcome, Doctor Jackson. Sorry. Daniel," he said with an apologetic smile.
"Major Carter."
"Doctor McCoy." The two shook hands as Teal'c bowed.
"Very good to meet you, Mister Spock," Carter said as Teal'c bowed once again.
"Yes, very good." When Daniel vigorously shook hands a little too long, the Vulcan raised an eyebrow. "And you, too, Captain Kirk." Here, Daniel's handshake was a little shorter.
"May fortune favor your journey," Kirk said with a smile and one hand lifted.
"And good health to you all," McCoy said.
"No worries there, McCoy. Ol' Doc Fraiser keeps us in tip-top shape. Too bad you two can't meet."
"I'm sure it would be delightful."
Spock performed the Vulcan hand salute. "Live long and prosper, S-G-One."
"Right back at you, Spock," O'Neill said as he put on his sunglasses. Carter smiled and nodded with Daniel and Teal'c looking a little more solemn.
The gray-bearded robed figure lifted a hand. "S-G-One, if you will assemble close together, I will send you home."
"Roger that," O'Neill said. They moved into position. "Beam us back, buddy."