Spitfire, Chapter 2: It's not like that

A week prior to the events at Misty's apartment were the Kalos League Championships; where young trainer Ash had finally taken his first victory since the start of his near eight year journey.

The cameras were blazing, the media was soaring, and from the corner of his eye, he could see his companions running after him. He waved his arms around happily—up in the air like a champ, and Pikachu clung to his shoulder, doing the same.

"Pika pi!" the small rodent cried while Ash's onyx eyes burned with passion.

"We finally did it!" He spoke, taking his little friend into his hands, and twirling him. "We did it! We finally won!" His laugh carried through the arena, and the many cries and whoops heard were only fuel to Ash's fire.

It was a moment he would never forget; the cheering, the happiness, and the overwhelming relief that came with victory. At last, he was finally one step closer to achieving his dreams to become a Pokemon Master—after so many years. He stopped twirling Pikachu, and took a slow moment to rub the mouse pokemon's head with his face.

"We did it, Pikachu." He whispered before the encircling arms of familiarity overshadowed his Pikachu.

In an instant, he looked up and his eyes were met with sky blue ones, an oncoming smile—and then lips. The distinct flavor of strawberries mashed with what tasted like popcorn? He was taken aback, and so was the crowd who paused only briefly before growing even louder—if that was possible.

It took him a moment to even register what had fully happened, and when it had; he realized only one thing as the girl pulled away with a large smile plastered over her face. She took Ash's hand, and raised it high above him; cheering him on hand in hand.

Serena had kissed him.

–

It was not long after the battles that Ash was in his individual room at a grand hotel that Ash really had time to think for himself. He sat out on the balcony—having became fairly quiet after the kiss, even for his interviews he was not feeling talkative. Something felt heavy in his chest, and he was a long way from figuring out what the hell it was.

And so, here he was, on the balcony, sitting in a metal chair, looking out to the stars after winning his first championship. He should have been down stairs with the rest of his group celebrating, but instead, all he wanted to do was hole himself into a bunker for a couple days—or weeks; or at least until he could figure out what that feeling in the pit of his stomach was?

The feeling was not the same as winning the championship; or losing a battle, or winning a battle, for that matter. It was not like the moment when he caught his first pokemon; a sheer, overwhelming joy that threatened to beat out of his chest. But it was more subtle than that, something... strange.

He scratched Pikachu's head, who had been sleeping on his lap for the last hour—he knew that as the new champion, he wouldn't be able to hide for very long, but he would take what he could get.

He blinked his eyes, wishing for the answer to be written in the stars...but no matter how much he looked, all he saw were a bunch of twinkling spots staring back at him.

So, his last bet was to look into himself, to determine what the feeling was. It didn't take him long to recall the first memory he had of 'kissing', and just the thought of it burned his cheeks red, and his lips warm from the familiarity.

"Do you think people change when they kiss?" a naive eleven year old Ash asked his then partner in crime, Misty.

"I guess we'll have to find out for ourselves someday."

But not like this! He grabbed his face in frustration while throwing his head back. He had kissed his mom before, but even he was smart enough to know that there was a difference—but what WAS the difference? He couldn't put his finger on it.

Did Serena mean it in a nice way? The way the media quickly devoured it painted her as his...his... As he thought about it, a redness rose from his shirt collar to the tip of his nose, SOULMATES.

He shuddered, feeling the overwhelming pressure of romance for the first time.

"Romance is the most important thing in the world" Misty's voice echoed into his head at a time like this, and he only felt more embarrassed.

"Damn it Misty, this is not the most important thing in the world! This is the most confusing thing in the world!" His movements, and groans eventually woke up the sleeping rodent on his lap, and he stared down at it's sleepy eyes.

"Chuuu?" Pikachu asked Ash while perking its ears up.

Ash shook his head. "It's nothing, buddy. Just get your rest, we'll go down to the party in a little while." He reassured pikachu, who put his head back down slowly, and then within seconds drifted off into dream land. Once again, Ash was left alone to his thoughts, and once again, he wanted to ram his head into the wall multiple times. A concussion felt better than what he was feeling now.

What was he even feeling?!

"Maybe I can ask Brock." Ash questioned aloud while tapping his chin; that's what he would do! Brock was smart with everything romance related, he could call him and...and... explain..

What was he going to explain? He couldn't even describe to himself what the feeling was, let alone someone else—but maybe, just maybe, Brock would take a single look at him, and know exactly what he was going through.

Then there was Misty, maybe he could... At the thought of Misty, his face turned a sudden shade of red, and he shook to remove the thought. Possibly even May, or Dawn?

But each idea seemed like less of a good one as he went down his list of people to ask, and how to handle the situation.

Did..did Serena like him? Like, really like him—like the kind of like that only parents feel for each other?

Did Serena want kids?!

"Oh God!" Ash cried while standing up abruptly, and launching Pikachu from his lap, onto the cold concrete of the balcony.

"What am I going to do?" Ash groaned, stepping back into the hotel room with little disregard to Pikachu's fall, and belly-flopped onto the bed; extending his arms out to both sides of him. The small electric rodent made a disapproving squeak, and then followed its trainer back into the room.

"Pika, pika pi." Pikachu reassured Ash, patting him on the pat while sitting on him. In response, Ash groaned; feeling his face red with frustration...or embarrassment? Or something else?

There was a GOOD reason he was oblivious to all of these emotions, they were confusing, and distracting.

Mostly confusing—but distracting was important to!

"Pikachu, pika pika chuuu." The small rodent added, and Ash quickly sat up, grabbing the pokemon, and squeezing gently.

"you're right, maybe I'm making something little into a lot." Suddenly, his confidence was back as he looked at Pikachu.

"What would I ever do without you little guy?" Pikachu yelped in agreement, and trainer and pokemon high-fived before leaving the isolated room.

–

When Ash finally did make his way down through the elevator, squeals of adornment rocketed through the entire hotel.

"Ash, we love you!" one of the girls squealed, held back by some buff guards; only the invited guests from the tournament and Elite Four were allowed into the party to celebrate Ash's victory but that didn't stop the girls from trying to run through the open doors. This was his celebration in which his pokemon party and name would be recorded for the wall of champions. His friends were obviously still invited, but the ceremony was ultimately about him—and everyone wanted to know what he was thinking.

"What did you think when your childhood friend kissed you, Ash?"

"How do you feel about disappointing all the other fan girls?"

"Is it true that Serena is"-

And there it was again, that hole in his stomach, a deep growl penetrated the reporters and Ash threw up his arms to stop them from speaking.

"Can we talk about the battle?" his voice was deep, and for some reason, he was angry—angry that his skills were being overlooked by...wait, was that anger?

His eyes opened wide, and then he shook his head as the reporters backed off. He made his way down a small set of stairs, ignoring anyone who didn't ask about the battle, and made a B-line for the buffet table. If when you're confused you can't find an answer? Eat more.

He grabbed himself a plate, and then set it down, and then took a leg off the table and started to nibble on it while Pikachu helped itself to the fruit.

"Hey Ash, that was pretty intimidating." Clemont's voice pierced Ash's ears, and he had never felt more relieved to hear a familiar voice in a pack of wild animals.

"Hey there." He spoke, his blonde friend was scratching the back of his head with a laugh.

"We didn't think you were going to come down from your room."

"I was just letting Pikachu rest."

Ash turned away from the buffet table, still with food in his hand. A disrespectful manner that his mom would have swat him over the head for. He took a small walk with Clemont to where Bonnie and Serena were; only, before he could reach Serena, who was bubbly while speaking with some people from the media along with Bonnie; Clemont stopped him.

"You can't act like it didn't happen, Ash."

"Like what didn't happen?" While Ash spoke, he took another bite of food.

"What you and Serena did. S-she kissed you." he stammered at the end, still a bit nervous about the subject as well, his glasses glared over, and Ash looked away from him in favor of Serena.

He wanted to say that he felt butterfrees in his stomach, or happiness, or even the giddiness that his friends always expressed when they talked about romance. But what he felt was... different, it was definitely approval—he liked girls, and he liked Serena, but it was different than he thought it would feel. Before, when Ash did occasionally derail his thoughts about pokemon to think about romance, he always imagined that it would be like a head rush, like a burning fire—much like the way battling pokemon felt...and instead, he felt like a small little flame was in his chest, started by shock that the light touch of a faint kiss created.

"Why does kissing matter so much, anyways?" Ash murmured so that only Clemont would hear him.

–

On the trek back home, Serena spent more and more time being close to Ash—or maybe she was always that close, and he had just become aware of it. He wondered silently if everyone else was aware of it, and he was just too dense to see it himself?

In all regards though, since the start of their way back home, Serea had not kissed him, or even tried to. He felt a sense of satisfaction and relief...and also a bit of guilt. It was just a kiss of victory—he told himself happily...That's all it was.

But he also wondered why he was so happy about that being all it was?

He wasn't gay, was he? His nose scrunched up at the thought, and he cleared his throat bitterly while he and Pikachu marched through the forest to gather some wood for their fire. No, he was pretty sure he liked girls—but how could he be sure? Up until now, he had never even considered a girl to be anything more than platonic? Maybe the reason he felt so mixed up was because he did not like girls?

His body stopped moving, and out of instinct, he tilted over, and bumped his head onto a tall tree to remove the thought from his head. No, he liked girls—he remembered at some point feeling passionate about them, about one? What was he even thinking right now?
He smacked his head on the tree, making Pikachu panic. Why was everything so confusing!?

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Ash barked while Pikachu jumped up onto his shoulder and pulled on his hair as if telling him to stop. Due to the force of the small rodents hands, he lift off from the tree, grabbing his head.

"Ow, ow! Okay, I'm sorry!" Pikachu released his hair, and Ash half-laughed. At least pikachu was always consistent.

The silence that filled the night air and Ash's brain while he slowly scavenged for firewood, was quickly substituted by the distant stifle of sobs.

"What's that?" As he spoke, he came around a forest clearing, were a small stream ran through—and who else dipped onto their knees by the water than Serena herself. At first, and possibly for the first time in his life—he saw someone crying, and didn't instantly want to help. He had a strange feeling he already knew what she was crying over, and so he wanted to turn, leave, and pretend like he saw nothing.

...but Ash wasn't like that. Being the boy, or man, that he was; he and Pikachu walked down to her, setting down their bundle of firewood sticks before taking a seat beside her on a rock.

"What's wrong, Serena?" Ash asked while Pikachu hopped from Ash's shoulder and onto Serena's knees, showing its own support for the younger trainer.

Serena wiped her eyes quickly, feeling pathetic.

"it's just...just... I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have kissed you." Her voice cracked between sobs, her eyes were pouring like waterfalls, and Ash felt...more guilty than he had in a very long time—worse than when he had accidentally forgotten who she was in the first place.

"No..no, it's okay." he stuck his hands out, and then slowly pressed his left hand against her shoulder and pat it. A gesture that was at one time so natural, seemed so strange now. Maybe he was over thinking things...but he wasn't the only one. He looked at Serena with sympathy.

"No it's not! You hate me now. You wouldn't even talk to me at the celebration." Serena hiccuped while crying, and not even the small yellow rodent could fix her. Pikachu looked to Ash for a solution—but alas, Ash, did not have one.

"I don't hate you, I could never hate you—it's just...weird, you know?" he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, which made Serena look up at him with the slightest amount of hope in her eyes.

"What do you mean weird?" Her timid voice sent shivers down Ash's spine, and he had to wrack his brain for a proper answer.

"Well, I've never been kissed before—well, except from my mom...and it was right after my victory...so it was just...really surprising I guess." he looked into her eyes, his previous nerves having worn off while Serena stared back.

"Me either." Serena blushed, Ash's eyes were so alive, full of what she thought was love, and she forced herself to look away again. Ash, however, was confused, but believed he had found a resolve with her.

"So, you understand?" He asked, and she nodded.

So she did understand! That he thought it was a victory kiss, the kind one shares at the end of a very difficult task—one amongst friends. His face related; she felt the same way! It was all just a misunderstan-

"Mmphth" Ash tried to speak through closed lips.

She had moved quickly, or maybe not, Ash hadn't been paying attention and it cost him. She kissed him again. Her lips brushed over his, and this time, it was deeper—parting his lips away, and some weird, smacking noise? He wasn't kissing her, in fact, he felt like a spectator to his own life events; and his eyes bugged out. The kiss was longer this time, drawn out just long enough for Ash's lips to start tingling, and his brain to go numb. When they separated, however, he felt an omnipresent level of guilt; and he wasn't sure why.

"What about that?" She asked, and for what Ash was just about to say, he would never know why. Maybe it was because his mom raised him to a gentleman, someone who no matter what should respect the woman he chose to date; something he scoffed at, claiming he would never kiss or date a female; ever.

And yet, here he was.

"It was better." He replied honestly; too honestly, as she shut her eyes happily, and went in for another kiss. However, it was one that he recuperated by placing an index finger against her lips and looking away, into the forest, blushing like a small boy would.

"We better get back soon. They might get worried."

"Oh, you're right." She was suddenly glowing, recovered quickly from her former sadness, and for what?

Ash's chest rose, and then fell.

Mew have mercy.

–

When they arrived in Pallet Town for his private celebration, his situation, or hole, rather, that he dug for himself only got worse as Serena and Delia became friends right away. They cooked together, they baked together; hell, he was sure that at some point, they even painted each others nails together.

He, on the other hand, felt like dying—and he wasn't sure why.

He liked Serena. He did. He really, really did.

But was that as far as it went? Was he going to be stuck with these half-feelings for the rest of his life? And if so, how would he go about fixing them?

For the first time, in a very long time; he wanted to be ten again. Things were easier then.

But, alas, a seventeen year old about to turn eighteen was not allowed to fake naivety anymore, and so here he was, in his personal hell.

"Ash-y dear! Come inside, we cooked breakfast!" Clemont and Bonnie were already in there when-he shuddered-Serena called for him. Before he walked inside, Ash was leaning up against the fence, looking hopeful at the road. His friends would be pouring in one by one to come to his party, at least the ones he could get a hold of. Maybe it wasn't too late to ask for help from one of his old companions...and dear Mew, he hoped they had the answers he was looking for.

Author's note:

Not hating, I think amourshipping is cute, but I just can't see Ash understanding it right away; or Serena understanding that Ash is blindly confused, because of her own emotions getting in the way. Over all, I like them, but I don't LOVE them. ;)