Meredith stared at Addison for a moment before she shook her head and asked, "What?"
"I think I'm pregnant," Addison repeated a little louder.
"Did you take a test?" Meredith asked, ignoring the cold fear that ran through her body.
"No," Addison replied. "I just…I've been so sick to my stomach. I was blaming it on the bad cafeteria food, but now my period's late and I'm crabby, and I don't know, Mer, I don't know what to do."
"Okay," Meredith said, taking a deep breath. "Test, you need a test. And you need to talk to Mark. I can…"
"No," Addison snapped. "I'm not going to talk to Mark. It's his fault that I'm here, and he's the last person I want to see right now."
"Addie, he's the father," Meredith breathed. "You need to tell him. He'll help you."
"Meredith, I just have to know," Addison whispered. "Do you want to help me or not?"
"I'll help," Meredith said quickly, reaching out to wrap her arms around her friend. "I'll do anything you need me to."
"I need a test," Addison replied. "But I'm so sick, I'm afraid of leaving the bathroom."
"Okay," Meredith nodded. She suspected that Addison's desire to stay in the bathroom had more to do with avoiding Mark than it did being sick, but right now she wasn't going to dwell on it. Right now, she had to help her friend. "I'll run out and get you one, okay?"
"Thank you," Addison murmured. "I'll just…wait here."
"Okay," Meredith nodded. "I'll get you some nausea meds too."
Addison nodded, a vacant expression on her face as she leaned against the counter. Meredith offered her one last hug before she turned to walk out the door, moving quickly to Derek's room.
"I need your car keys," she announced as she burst into the room.
"What?" Derek frowned.
"I need to borrow your car," Meredith repeated. "Please, Der, I don't have a lot of time."
"Okay," Derek said slowly, pulling the keys out of the drawer and handing them to her. "Where are you going?"
"I…" her eyes flickered to Mark, who was sitting at Derek's desk with his face buried in his hands. "I don't have time to explain right now."
Derek frowned, but he knew better than to press Meredith for details when she was already on the edge. "Okay," he said softly. "Be careful."
"I will," she nodded, leaning forward to press her lips against his quickly before turning to walk out of the room. She hurried out of the building and to the parking lot, driving quickly to the closest drug store and rushing to the pregnancy tests, looking at the large number quickly before she grabbed five random boxes. Throughout the entire excursion, she couldn't think of anything besides what would happen if Addison was pregnant. She knew that her parents would never support their all-American daughter having a baby, but there was no way she could stay at college while preparing to have a baby.
She also couldn't ignore the voice in the back of her head that was telling her that if Addison was pregnant, it was entirely possible that this could be her in the same predicament someday.
She pushed aside that frightful thought aside as she hurried back to campus. She practically ran upstairs and flew past Derek's door, ignoring his concerned gaze and inquiry as to whether she was okay as she burst into the bathroom. Addison was sitting on the counter, staring at her hands as her hair fell limply around her shoulders.
"I got a couple," she breathed. "Do you want to take them now?"
"Yeah," Addison said as she slid off the counter, taking the boxes and disappearing into the stall. Meredith paced the small floor of the bathroom impatiently until she heard a quiet gasp come from inside the stall and froze, trying to decipher whether it had been a good or a bad gasp. "Addie?" she asked cautiously.
The door flew open and Addison stood in front of her with a wide smile on her face. "It's negative," she announced. "Negative, I'm not pregnant."
"Oh," Meredith sighed in relief, moving to her and wrapping her arms tightly around her neck. "That's great, Addie."
"Yeah," Addison breathed. "Negative."
"Now you don't have to hate Mark," Meredith pointed out with a giggle.
Addison froze as she turned to the sink to wash her hands. "Mer…can you not tell him about this?"
"What?" Meredith frowned. "Addie, I know I'm new to the whole relationship thing, but…I know if this were me and Derek, I would need him. I'd want him to know."
"Yeah, that's Derek," Addison sighed. "He worships the ground you work on."
"And Mark doesn't?"
"Mark's…Mark," Addison shrugged. "He doesn't love anyone in that passionate way that Derek does."
Meredith frowned. "Mark loves you," she said. "You…I can't believe you don't think that Mark loves you."
"Mark loves sex," Addison sighed. "We've…we've been together longer than you and Derek have. And he still can't tell me he loves me. You and Derek are talking about forever, and Mark can't even tell me he loves me."
Meredith frowned. "You can't compare yourselves to Derek and I," she said softly. "We're different."
Addison sighed as she buried her face in her hands. "I know," she said. "I just…I guess I was looking for an excuse to push him out of my life. I was using the possible pregnancy as an excuse, but now I need a new excuse, and I just thought of you and Derek."
"Why do you need to push him out of your life?" Meredith asked.
Addison rolled her eyes. "He can't tell me he loves me, Mer," she sighed.
"So?" Meredith asked. "Have you said it to him?"
Addison paused for a moment before she shook her head. "I can't," she whispered. "I can't bear to say that and not hear him say it back."
"Maybe he's waiting for you to say it," Meredith insisted. "You can't just push him away because you're scared. I know. I tried to do it with Derek and he wouldn't let me. And now…God, I can't even know what I'd do without him right now."
Addison sighed as she shook her head. "I just…it's hard," she whispered.
"I know," Meredith nodded. "But you don't know what he's going through right now, Addie. When he came to find me he was completely desperate. He was terrified that something was really wrong with you. And when I went to get Derek's car keys…I'm pretty sure he had been crying."
Addison inhaled sharply. "You think…you really think he loves me?" she asked.
"I do," Meredith nodded. "And I think you need to talk to him about it."
Addison took a deep breath before she pushed herself off the counter and moved towards the door. "Fine," she said. "Let's go."
Meredith blinked in surprise as she followed Addison down the hall. She shoved the door to Derek's room open and saw Mark sitting on the bed, a beer cradled in his hands. "Mark," she breathed.
"Addie." His head snapped up to look at her, his eyes bloodshot. "Are you…what…are you okay?"
"Yeah," Addison nodded. "I'm okay. Can we…go somewhere? Talk?"
"Yeah," Mark pushed himself off the bed. He stood in front of her for a moment before he leaned in hesitantly to press a gentle kiss to her lips before taking her hand and leading her out the door.
When they were gone, Meredith sighed and collapsed onto the bed. Derek moved closer to her and ran his fingers through her hair, looking curiously into her eyes. "What's going on, Mer?" he asked.
Meredith sighed and shook her head. "I never realized how insecure Addison is," she whispered. "I've been friends with her since freshman year of high school and I was always the messed up one, and she was the confident, put together one. But now, I just had to convince her that Mark loves her. She was completely against the idea."
Derek frowned. "Of course he loves her," he said.
"I know that," Meredith replied. "But she wasn't sure. And…she was comparing them to us. She said we're lucky because we know. We know that we're going to end up together, and even though that thought scares me to death sometimes, I still know it's true. But Addison was comparing her life to mine, Derek, and saying that it was better than hers. My life is better than strong, confident, perfect Addison. It's like we switched places or something."
Derek leaned in to kiss her forehead. "I've got news for you, Meredith Grey," he whispered. "You're strong and perfect. And the confidence…I figure the next eighty or ninety years with me will boost that a little."
Meredith rolled her eyes. "Ninety years?" she asked. "You're going to live until you're a hundred and eight?"
"Yes," Derek nodded firmly. "Maybe longer. I've got to make my time with you last."
"You're corny," Meredith whispered as she leaned up to press her lips against his.
"Maybe," Derek whispered. "But you love it."
"I don't," she whispered against his lips, forcing him onto his back as her hands worked under his shirt. She kissed him deeply, trying to ignore the fear in the back of her head that was screaming that she and Derek could end up like Mark and Addison.