II
Leah doesn't know how long she stays there, weeping. She doesn't hear the rustling from the trees, or maybe she does and doesn't even bother.
She doesn't register that someone else is there until she hears her name being tentatively called.
"Leah?" She instantly recognizes the voice; the very last person she wants to talk to at the moment.
She says nothing, not turning around, just continuing to look at her rippling reflection in the water.
When he gets that she's not going to say anything, he sighs and walks closer to her. "Lee, talk to me. Please?"
Silence.
"Okay then." He plopped down a safe distance beside her on the soft ground. She's surprised; she figured he'd go run back to the bloodsuckers and his precious princess.
"Were you… crying?" He asks, even though they both know he can smell the salty tears.
She shakes her head.
He reaches out a hand to her but hesitates.
She sniffs.
He gently puts his fingers on her arm.
She's too tired to protest.
"Leah…" He tries and scoots closer to her until he's less than a foot away.
Leah remains quiet. She doesn't know what to say to him right now because quite frankly, she doesn't know what she's feeling. Sadness? Betrayal? Indifference? Anger? No. She's sort of past being angry. She feels… empty… numb, even, and that should scare her. But, strangely, it's kind of comforting in a way to feel nothing at all instead of everything at once.
She stares into the water again and sees the pair of them sitting there. He's looking at her and she's looking down. Her face is wiped clean of any emotion. But she's struck by just how…right they looked side by side. But then again, he'd look better with any Native girl rather than with pasty Bella Swan.
Her heart constricts.
"Why are you here?" She asks quietly when she finds her hoarse voice.
"I came to find you." He admits.
"Oh?"
"Well… the… baby keeps breaking bones. Seth got freaked out and called me back there. Then we stayed and watched them patch her up. It's… hard to watch her like that, especially sipping on blood like she's…" He trails off. He knows she doesn't want to hear any of this, but he's at a loss for what to say and she'd probably see it anyways the next time they phased.
He wraps his fingers that are still touching her around her arm and scoots even closer.
"Please, talk to me." He pleads. He doesn't know why he's so desperate. He doesn't like her to be upset with him… which baffles him to no end him because he could have cared less even just days ago. He pulls her arm away from her knees and then all of a sudden he's extremely aware of the state of her undress and the close proximity between the two is almost stifling.
He's frozen and suddenly she's nervous. She finally looks at him only to find his face inches away from her own.
Something happens at that moment. The air between the two shifts and crackles and all of a sudden where their skin is touching on her arm is burning hot. She forgets that he upset her. They both look into each other's eyes and there's a spark…of something… he unconsciously leans forward towards her and feels a growl deep within his throat rumbling. She's filled with this feeling that she can't explain to save her life, all she knows is she's drawn to him like a moth to a flame. Her tongue darts out to lick her lips nervously which draws his attention onto them. He sees his target, her mouth, and there is a millimeter of space between the two of them—
When suddenly they hear a howl. Seth.
And just as soon as it begun, the spell is broken and he practically leaps away from her. She catches her breath and runs a hand over her face in exasperation.
He moves away to phase. She pulls the heat from within her core and then she's on four legs.
They start off in the direction of the signal, instantly in search of any present danger. Memories of their previous shared moment momentarily evaporate, and the pair are focused on the task at hand.
They start off in the direction of the signal.
Seth, what's wrong? Jacob asks.
Nothing, boss! Just wondering where you two were, he thinks cheerfully.
Jacob comes to a halt and sighs. Watch it with the howling, remember?
Oh yeah! Sorry, he sounds embarrassed. I can go tell the Cullens I screwed up again.
No, I'll go. Jacob all but jumps at the chance. He needed some…space.
From me? I'm sorry, boss. I'll do better… Seth sounds crushed.
No, no, you're fine, Jacob assures him as he sets off towards the mansion at a slow trot.
From me, Seth. I've been annoying him, Leah supplies, lying with practiced ease.
Jacob breathes a sigh of relief as he phases back and pulls his borrowed pants and shirt back on as he crosses the expansive front lawn.
He doesn't know what the hell just happened with Leah, but he knows he needs to quit thinking about it. Last thing he needs is Edward mind-raping him and finding out exactly how it felt to be that close to her…
"Jacob?" He hears and looks up to see he's just been standing in front of the door, Esme standing in the doorway.
"Oh, sorry," He grumbles and steps inside, automatically bracing himself for the putrid smell. Esme disappears back into the kitchen.
He makes his way into the living room, seeing Bella asleep on the couch with Edward on her side, keeping her cool. Blondie of course, took guard at her feet.
Everyone else was nowhere to be found.
Probably taking a break. It was hard to watch her like this…at least that's how it was for him.
"False alarm," He supplies when the two vamps are looking at him.
"I know." Edward says. "I heard you all in wolf form."
He crinkles his brow. And then blanches. If he could hear them that far away… did that mean…
Edward gives a surreptitious nod in his direction.
You heard me and Leah? He asks for confirmation.
"Yes."
That makes him extremely uncomfortable. That's private, Leech. He clenches his jaw.
"Then don't do it near the property." Edward supplies.
Jacob looks at Rosalie and sees she's tuning them out easily, focusing on some high-stakes game show on the television.
"I didn't… We didn't… do anything." He says in a quiet voice. He doesn't like talking about this with him.
"Didn't you?"
No….?
"So it meant nothing."
He opens his mouth to say something but pauses. Did it mean anything? Leah was his friend, his Beta, his packmate. He'd never really thought of her like that…well no, that wasn't true. When they were all kids, he and his friends had had their fair share of fantasies about her, seeing as she was the hottest girl on the Rez (still was in his opinion), but they could never do anything about it because A: she was so much older, and B: she had been Sam's girl and even before that self-righteous asshole got an Alpha title, you just didn't fuck with Sam… but then Jake had eventually given up on actually getting close to her like that, content to just imagine, and then he had fallen for Bella and then the whole wolf thing happened and life got crazy and he pretty much banished any feelings for Leah besides irritation... But then today by the river, something happened. Something changed within the dynamics of their complicated friendship and suddenly she was all he could think about. Sure, he'd seen her naked plenty of times, they all had snuck in the occasional glance either pre or post-phase, but this…this was different. He caught her at her most vulnerable and she didn't push him away, even after he'd hurt her earlier which threw him for a loop. He feels a pang of sympathy when he realizes she's probably used to it by now… and he feels the strong urge to protect her that went beyond pack loyalty. He knows that he hated hurting her, and as much as she comes across as tough, she could not stand getting hurt. He doesn't know what happened between them today, but all he knows is that it was bigger than the two of them realized. So…yeah… maybe it did mean something.
Edward just gives him a meaningful look, and for once doesn't comment on his internal rant.
He didn't notice his feet had traveled of their own accord back to the door, poised and ready to run out and all the way back to the riverbank until he heard Bella's sleepy voice from behind him on the couch. "Jake?"
He internally sighs and turns back around, making his way back over to the couch where Bella was rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "Hey Bells," he says with the biggest smile he could muster.
"Hey!" she says weakly, and gives him a smile that momentarily brings some life back into her otherwise washed out face.
It makes his stomach turn.
"How are you doing?" He asks her as he settles next to her. "How's the rib?"
"I'm alright. A little cold though," she says pointedly at Edward, who had remained silent throughout the exchange. A flit of annoyance dances across his stony features as he removed his arm from around her but otherwise says nothing as his wife scoots closer to Jake. Jake rested his arm across the back of the couch behind her as she nestled closer. Jake could see the tightening of Edward's jaw from the corner of his eye, but for some reason it didn't bring him as much satisfaction as it usually would have.
"What have you been up to?" Bella asks.
"Oh, just the usual… wolf stuff," he answers offhandedly. Almost kissing my Beta… yeah, all in a day's work.
They're quiet for a bit then, watching the show on television that Rosalie was so absorbed in. Jake just stares at the screen, not seeing. A quick glance to his left told him that Edward was doing the same thing.
He wonders what Leah is doing at that moment. Was she still at the river? Was she running with Seth? Was she hunting wolf-style for a meal since she so stubbornly refused to eat any of the leftovers that Esme often sent with Seth? Typical Leah, he thinks. Incapable of accepting anybody's help. His mind drifts back to their moment by the river. They had been so close… he doesn't know what to make of it. It meant something, of that he was sure. But what did it mean? One moment he had been trying to get her to talk to him, so he could comfort her or apologize (he doesn't actually know what he was going to do once he found her—he hadn't planned that far ahead) and the next it was like everything around them stopped and she was all he could see. He had felt so drawn to her… it kind of scared him if he was honest with himself. He had never felt like that before in his life, the urge to be around someone so intensely. He was going to kiss her. Of that he was sure. Which was crazy! He wonders what would have happened if they hadn't been interrupted. She probably would have punched him.
What was he thinking? Almost kissing Leah? She didn't see him that way, she probably never would. She was his Beta, his friend… nothing else. He knows this. So why did his brain decide to go M.I.A. and let him almost go through with it? That's just the thing, though. He didn't have to think. It was like his body knew something his head didn't. He had felt this feeling… like nothing he'd ever felt. He wonders if she felt the same thing.
Now he just felt kind of empty. He felt out of place. He felt wrong.
He closes his eyes to get a grip on himself. He was sure he was drowning Edward in angst with his thoughts right now, but he didn't have the desire to open his eyes and confirm the sour look that was inevitably plastered on his face. But then again, that look was kind of permanent.
He hears a growl, too low for Bella to hear which confirms his thoughts. The corners of Jake's lips tug upwards. Figures.
He looks over at Bella whose own eyes were fighting sleep and losing. Her head fell to his shoulder. He took the liberty to study her sleeping face. The dark circles under her eyes, the hollowness of her sunken-in cheeks, the greyish color of her skin… it made his stomach turn again. What had happened to this girl he had loved? Still loved… right? He vaguely remembers days spent in his garage, drinking warm sodas and sharing laughs and it fills him with incredible sadness. That's who he loved. Even though she had been falling apart, he had been the one to put her back together. He had been her sun. And for what? He had put her back together for her to just run back to the reason she had fell apart in the first place.
He looks over at Edward to find him staring at him with a blank expression, obviously having heard his inner monologue. He feels the anger bubble up inside of himself. You ruined her, he thinks with venom. He thinks of the growing life inside of her. You infected every aspect of her life. You've already killed her. She was dead the day she met you. He meets Edward's eyes and is surprised to find his blank mask falter. The vampire closes his eyes for a moment and when he meets Jake's stare again the burning man expression is back.
"I know," he whispers almost inaudible to Jake's werewolf hearing.
Jake shakes his head and lets it fall to rest on the back of the couch. He closes his eyes.
This is all so fucked up.
He woke with an uncomfortable crick in his neck. When he comes to he realizes he had dozed off. He looks over to check on Bella and finds the couch empty beside him, with no one in sight. He hadn't meant to fall asleep and vaguely wonders where everyone had gone to. He hears the sounds of medical equipment beeping upstairs and realizes they had gone to give her a checkup. He wonders if anything happened. He focuses until he hears the sound of one—well, two rather—heartbeats and is convinced all is okay for the time being. He gets to his feet and makes his way out the door and down the porch steps. It's already nighttime and he wonders how long he had been asleep for.
He tugs his clothes off and haphazardly ties them to his ankle and phases midstride.
Jake? He hears Seth ask.
Everything's cool. I let 'em know it was a false alarm. Fell asleep for a while too, sorry.
It's cool, dude. We know you needed it, Seth says understandingly. Jake can feel the kid's own exhaustion through his thoughts.
Hey, Seth, why don't you crash for a bit? Lee and I will run the perimeter real quick.
But—
Seth. Go ahead. We'll be fine.
Alright, boss. Jake sees the spot in Seth's mind where he decided to lay down for the night and minutes later he was out like a light. Jake feels bad, he knows that all of this craziness really wore the kid out. It wore them all out.
Lee? She had been quiet throughout the exchange. His mind goes back to the river.
I'm already running it.
He starts his side of the circle, trying to match the quick pace she had already started over on her side. We should talk about what happened.
Nothing happened, Jacob. She says, firmly.
Yes, yes it did. He says adamantly.
No. She sounds almost resigned.
Are you seriously telling me you felt nothing?
Nothing. Happened. She grits out in between her clenched jaw.
He tries to replay what he had just figured out with Edward but his thoughts are too scattered to make sense of anything.
She's silent.
Lee—He starts but he feels the shimmer in the air and then she's phased out.
Goddammit.
He sloppily follows his circle and then catches her scent in a meadow a ways away from the river.
He phases in the brush on the outskirts of the meadow and pulls on his shorts. He approaches her slowly and drops down beside her in the dewy grass. She was sitting with her arms hugging her legs to her chest. Just like before. He stops himself before he lets that line of thought go on even further. He extends his shirt to her, looking away as he does so. He senses her hesitation and laughs once.
"I mean it's either this or nothing." He teases.
She rolls her eyes and snatches the offending material away from him. Now, she'd much rather go without clothes and burn this leech's shirt to a crisp, but nakedness and Jacob were two things she'd rather not associate together. She takes a huge gulp of air and tries not to gag from the smell as she quickly puts her arms through the sleeves and sloppily buttons the buttons.
"Oh my gosh… how do you wear this thing? I'm about to retch." She finally speaks.
"It's pretty horrible," Jake admits. "I just put it out of my mind."
"I don't see how you can," she says in disgust, staring up at the stars.
They're quiet for a moment, both looking up at the night sky.
"How was your playdate," Leah mocks quietly.
He ignores the jibe. "I fell asleep."
"That bad, huh?"
He laughs. "Just was tired, I guess."
"We're all tired, Jacob." Her voice is firm, and he looks over at her. She continues to stare up at the sky but her jaw is clenched.
He frowns. "Leah, I'm sorry."
"For what?" she asks. She won't meet his eyes; she refuses to.
"For making you upset earlier…"
"You didn't make me upset." She lies. She knows he can see through it but a girl can still have her pride and all.
"Really. I'm sorry that I let her make me so stupid sometimes." He swallows.
She raises her eyebrow. "Well, at least you admit it."
"And I'm also sorry for almost—" he starts but she interrupts him.
"We don't need to talk about it." She says harshly, looking straight at him for the first time. He sees the fire in her eyes.
"Yes, we do." He challenges. "I don't know what came over me, honestly. It was…" he trails off, trying to find just the right words to convey how it felt to her.
But she doesn't want to hear it. She doesn't want to hear him say what she already knew was coming. That it was a mistake. So, she beats him to it.
"A mistake. It was a mistake." She says decisively.
His eyebrows crease in confusion. "What?"
"It was a mistake." She repeats slowly. "It didn't mean anything, Jacob. We weren't thinking clearly. Let's just forget about it, please." She looks away again. She knows this is the best thing to do, so why does it bother her so much to say it?
"I…" he starts. He's at a loss right now. Here he was, planning on telling her that it did in fact mean something, and he wanted to figure out exactly what, when she goes and tells him the exact opposite. He wasn't positive if she had felt the same thing he had, but he guesses that this is his confirmation that she in fact did not.
She swallows. "Please, just…" she trails off and shakes her head.
He just kept staring at her.
"Look, I don't know what you want me to say, Jacob. We almost kissed on accident. But we didn't. It was an accident. End of story." She reiterated, but she wasn't sure if it was for his sake or her own.
He nods tersely. "Okay, Leah."
"Okay." She leans back on her hands to stare back up at the stars, trying to calm the knots in her stomach,
He joins her, lost in his own thoughts. They sit in silence for a while.
Her stomach decides to make an appearance at that moment, cutting through the silence with an ugly growl.
He looks over and laughs. "Hungry?"
She tries to scowl but fails. "No."
"How's that squirrel and rabbit diet going for you?" he teases.
She rolls her eyes. "I don't bother with them anymore. I stick to deer." She states matter-of-factly.
He tries to picture her taking down a deer and shudders.
"I don't know how you do that every day." He admits. He was no stranger to sticking to the wolf diet, but it's something he greatly preferred not to have to do.
She shrugged. "What else am I going to do?"
"Lee, you know the Cullens have food. Esme will cook for you any time. It's kind of all she does. Wants to be useful, I suppose," Jake says.
She gives him a look that almost makes him shrink away. Almost.
He just grins in response. She meets his gaze and his smile fades. Her eyes are so stormy, it throws him off. He'd kill to know what she was thinking right now. She stands up and brushes the grass off of her. She extends a hand to help him off of the ground. He grabs it and raises himself up. She drops his hand like she was burned and furrows her brow for a brief second before wiping her face of any emotion.
"C'mon, let's go find Seth." She says and moves away from him into the brush. He just stares after her retreating form.
Ironically, the girl he shares a mind with half of the time is the same girl he can't quite figure out.