IV

The rest of the day was relatively uneventful. Jake had insisted that Seth and Leah rest while he patrolled by himself. It was obvious enough to Leah that the meeting with Sam was weighing heavily on him, and he needed some head space to himself. She didn't even need the pack mind to know that Jacob's thoughts were chaotic, the storm in his eyes was indication enough. She had no desire to tap into the stream of thoughts that were obviously racing through his mind. Seth put up a weak fight, offering to help Jake but it was clear the younger wolf was more than willing to catch up on some much-needed rest.

Jake took off and Leah watched him go until she couldn't see his retreating form anymore.

She turned back to her brother to find that he was already staring at her, a strange expression evident on his face.

What? She inquired.

Nothing... He dismissed whatever it was and Leah began a slow trot back to their makeshift home in the forest without pushing the issue further as Seth followed close behind.

The siblings ran in relative silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Leah could tell that Sam's words about their mother had bothered Seth, but she allowed him to work through it on his own. Her own mind was a whirlwind, replaying Sam's words at the meeting a hundred times over. He had called her by her old nickname, the one he had given her when they were dating. Hearing it caused her heart to constrict, but not out of love, more so out of hurt. He only did it to mess with her emotions in a half-assed attempt to call her back to his pack and under his command once again.

I'll be damned if I ever go back to that asshole's pack, she absently thought to herself. Things in Jacob's pack were so much simpler. The fact that it was only the three of them obviously had its disadvantages from a battling and patrolling standpoint, but Leah certainly did not miss the extra voices of the other pack members in her head, spouting a constant stream of fantasies, stupid jokes, and dumb teenage boy thoughts. The imprinted minds were the absolute worst, however, and Leah was grateful on so many levels to be rid of hearing that 24/7 from the guys, specifically Sam.

But it wasn't just that, she realized. Leah enjoyed the responsibility of being Jacob's beta, despite the fact that she could only really use her authority on Seth, who would listen to her regardless. But still, it felt nice to be important for a change, instead of being on the outskirts of Sam's pack, only tolerated because there simply were no other options. Replaying Sam's words and actions once more, Leah was filled with irritation as she realized just how manipulative that man was. Trying to use her father's death as a way to guilt her and Seth into submission, and using Bella's rejection of Jacob's feelings as a way to provoke him. Sam was arrogant, self-righteous, and had no problem manipulating people. Leah tried to remember if he had always been that way. She vaguely recalled things that seemed so trivial at the time, but were red flags upon reflection, like Sam guilting her into staying home with him instead of going out with Emily and her other friends, or Sam being jealous of any guy that so much as looked at Leah, yet he had an abundance of female friends, or Sam's constant judging of other people…

She had truly thought he was "the one" once upon a time, and she was starting to realize that she was a fool for ever thinking so. He wasn't the guy she thought he was, but maybe that wasn't so bad. It wasn't meant to be, and the gods made that clear when Sam had imprinted on Emily. Maybe it was a good thing that he did.

A wave of anger rushed through Leah at that thought. Or not.

Of all the women in the world, the gods decided that the soulmate for Sam Uley just had to be her own cousin. She was still trying to work that one out in her brain.

She thought back to how Sam and Jacob stood virtually toe to toe at the pack meeting. Jake may be an idiot in some respects, especially when it came to Bella Swan, but he was no Sam, and for that Leah was eternally grateful.

Leah tried to tap into Jake's subconscious and push through the tornado going on in his mind but was unsurprised to find that he was blocking them out. She didn't find offense to this, she knew that he had a lot to sort out and was being considerate to them.

A small part of her, the part she kept blocked herself, wondered if she was part of what was going on in his mind. She almost wanted to laugh at the thought. You're not that special, she told herself.

Without warning her brain decided to remember their intimate moment on the river bank and the trance she had been in but she banished the thought as quick as it came. With relief she noticed her brother was still lost within his own thoughts and didn't notice her slip up.

Leah came to a stop at her preferred spot on the forest floor and Seth skidded to a stop just behind her. They went their respective ways to phase back in private.

"Unbelievable," she muttered as she pulled the ruined button-down shirt from the cord around her ankle. Despite the torture she had inflicted earlier, the shirt still smelled prominently like bloodsucker. It was muted by the mud, but still prevalent. She grumbled to herself as she pulled it on, buttoning the buttons in distaste. She closed her eyes as she caught the faint scent of Jacob along the collar of the shirt. She inhaled as deep as she could, trying to focus on it, but the overpowering smell of vampire was too hard to ignore and she choked on the stench.

I need to track down some other clothes, ASAP. She thought to herself.

She shook her head to clear it and made her way back to her spot, all but collapsing onto the forest floor. Seth was a few feet away, curled up facing the other direction. His breathing was steady, but Leah couldn't know for sure if he was faking sleep to avoid talking. She let him be as she stared up at the few stars peeking through the overgrown canopy.

Leah sighed. What a day.

He didn't know how long he spent running that night. So many things were running through his mind after the meeting with Sam. Rationally he had known that Sam was only trying to provoke him with his harsh words, but regrettably he had succeeded. He knows if it wasn't for Leah he would've done something extremely stupid, like attack Sam and then all bets were off where Bella was concerned. No matter how bad he wanted to beat the shit out of that asshole, he wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened to her.

Sam had rubbed salt in the wound when he reminded Jake of the fact that it was Bella's choices that led up to this disastrous situation. She chose to be with Edward and put herself in harm's way every second that she was with him. She loved him, so much more than she could ever love Jacob. That stung, obviously. It was something Jacob was constantly reminded of day in and day out. It wasn't exactly news. But Sam had twisted the knife some more in order to get under his skin.

The girl he loved was literally falling apart from the inside out and there was nothing he could do about it. No matter how hard he had tried to get her to see reason, he had failed. Bella signed her own death warrant with no regards to anyone else's feelings who cared for her.

Anger erupted through him, pushing him to run faster.

He sometimes wondered what life would be like if he had never fallen for Bella. Simpler, no doubt. But better? He couldn't be sure. The good times they shared together were some of the fondest memories he had. But it was always borrowed time. She was never his to begin with, and that was probably the worst part. He was grieving the loss of an imaginary relationship.

But it hadn't just been one-sided, as the people who constantly judged him by saying "just get over her" liked to forget. Bella loved Jacob back. She kissed him on the mountain before the newborn battle and it was the best kiss of his life at the time. Granted there were not a lot of predecessors, but still.

When she had been shattered after Edward left, Jacob had been the one to piece her back together. Somewhere along the way she began to have feelings for him, whether she acknowledged them or not.

But it wasn't enough. He wasn't enough.

But somehow despite that, Jacob couldn't just be done with her. She had a special place in his heart, even if she wasn't his whole world like she once was. She was the first girl he fell in love with. One of his closest friends, second only to Embry and Quil. He would go to hell and back for her… which was probably the problem. He broke up his pack for her. Or rather, formed his own consisting of Seth and Leah.

Leah…

She was something else entirely. She had avoided being alone with him since their talk in the meadow when she had told him that the moment between them by the river was a mistake. He hadn't thought it was, but apparently she did. That bothered him for reasons he couldn't quite figure out.

He was almost positive she felt what he felt when they were that close. The electricity was so intense, how could she not have felt it? But for whatever reason, she insisted that she hadn't.

But the problem was he couldn't just forget it, no matter how hard he tried. He had never felt like that in his life, so attracted to someone and nothing else mattered. He forgot about everything that wasn't Leah in that moment and an inexplicable heat had built up inside of him… and they didn't even kiss. He was startled to realize that not even his two kisses with Bella had made him feel like that almost-kiss with Leah had. For some reason they had a ridiculous connection that made everything else pale in comparison. It kind of scared him. Maybe she had done the right thing by dismissing its existence. Further exploration would probably be too messy.

But a guy could imagine…

What the hell am I thinking? 'Further exploration' with Leah? My beta? I'm losing my damn mind. He was glad he had blocked his thoughts from Seth and Leahalthough it appeared they had already phased back and went to sleep.

By the time Jacob made it back to his sleeping pack members, it was late into the night. He made himself comfortable on the forest floor, mindful not to be too loud, but Seth's heavy snoring indicated that he was out like a light.

Jacob stared up at the trees above him, trying to clear his mind enough to relax into sleep.

"How was your run?" he heard Leah's voice ask.

He glanced over at her, but she remained on her back, eyes above her.

"Did I wake you?"

"Haven't been able to sleep," she replied.

They laid in silence beside each other for a few minutes. Jake focused on the reassuring sounds of the forest, and the rush of the nearby river. It was utterly peaceful for those few short moments and Jake began to relax. Few things put him at ease like nature did. He had always loved the forest, but being a wolf definitely made him appreciate the outdoors in a whole new way.

He began to focus on Leah's soft breathing beside him.

"Lee?" he asked, barely above a whisper, but fully audible to a wolf's ears.

She was quiet for a while, and he was just beginning to suspect that she had fallen asleep until she answered him.

"Yeah?"

"What are you going to do when this is all over?" he inquired.

She knew he was referring to the situation with Bella and the war with Sam.

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "I hadn't thought about where I'm going to go, really."

"You don't have to go anywhere. Stay with me… and Seth," he replied. "We're a pack. You're my beta."

She inhaled sharply. "I don't know if it's that simple, Jake." She said in a small voice.

"It can be." He challenged.

She pondered that for a few minutes. Could they really do this forever? Be a pack of three against the world? She flashed on the moment at the riverbank, and the feeling of electricity between the two. She didn't know if she could tiptoe around that for the rest of her life, having only an almost-kiss to hold on to. Maybe she was better off alone, where she didn't have the constant reminder of something that could never happen.

"Go to sleep, Jake." She rolled over and squeezed her eyes shut, effectively ending the conversation.

Jacob stared at her back, feeling his lids grow heavier with each passing moment.

For the first time in months, he didn't have nightmares of Bella's demise.

He dreamt of running free for miles with a small grey wolf.