H.F.I.L

Disclaimer: I just thought I'd state a couple of things quickly, whilst writing this fanfic H.F.I.L I don't want to cause any offence to anybody so please if you are easily offended then well… don't be! These are not any of my opinions, I know most of you are enjoying reading it but whatever you do just AGAIN please don't take offence. Okay… now read and review! AND OF COURSE ENJOY!

Chapter Seven

"Vegeta… have mercy please… don't kill me…." Pleaded Yamcha when he realised how much trouble he had gotten himself into. Vegeta looked really furious, his newly generated tail was flickering intensely.

Bulma was on the floor with her clothes half ripped, and was in a great deal of pain; her arm felt like it had been snapped in two and her ribs were in so much pain she couldn't move from the floor.

Forcing herself to look up, as Yamcha screamed like a little girl she suddenly couldn't take her eyes off the strange new furry Vegeta standing before her.

Vegeta stepped closer to Yamcha, who was cowering up against the far side of the wall,

"Well my friend… I guess I'll be seeing you in the next dimension…" Vegeta chuckled to himself then formed a bright blue ball of energy in his right hand.

He'd never felt so much power in his life, something had happened whilst he was having that mysterious dream after being shot. Maybe it was something to do about his mate being attacked by the pathetic imbecile or perhaps the rays in the gun had aided him into becoming this super strong being.

Not even Kakkorot had surpassed this level of power; he had only just become a super Sayan two, now Vegeta was beyond that he needed to try it out on someone and Yamcha seemed to be the best target in the little wooden room.

"Vegeta…. What happened to you…" Bulma whispered to herself as she pulled her knees up to her neck with her good arm. It felt much more comforting and safe, Her ribs were still in a great deal of pain, she needed some medical attention urgently.

She couldn't help but think he had perhaps had a reaction to becoming a Majjin earlier that day when he had destroyed the world tournament stand. Thinking twice she noticed he didn't have the 'M' imprinted on his forehead.

Perhaps he was coming to her rescue, her prince in shining armour was back! Only now he was coated in red fur, he looked so cute and cuddly! His eyes on the otherhand were cold and dark, something was different about his eyes; the kind of look he had on Earth when he and Nappa had just released the Saybermen.

"Please. Vegeta, me and you… we're in the same boat…. I was bad once, you were bad once… I didn't mean… No wait… what I mean is I wasn't doing what you thought I was doing…. HONEST!"

Vegeta raised his eyebrows in annoyance, usually he would enjoy his prey squirming before he killed it but this was an exception. Yamcha was going to pay dearly for touching what was his and only his.

Hitler grabbed the bottle of wine and pulled the cork out, pouring himself and Freeza a glass each.

Freeza meanwhile was concentrating on attacking the mosquito, which had been stinging him all throughout their latest making love session.

Grabbing a strange bulging plastic device he began to vigorously swipe at the little insect. He stopped when he noticed something sticky and white at the top of the contraption.

The insect landed on his forehead and stung him again, this time much harder; it hurt a lot, but he was to gobsmacked with his latest find.

"What is this!?" demanded the Icejiin lizard as he held up the device, which was nothing other than a recently used vibrator.

Now reduced down to a smoking pile of ashes and a red bloody skidmark, was formerly Yamcha. Vegeta stood admiring his handywork with his arms folded across his chest; his tail was moving with the gently breeze he had created by producing the biggest big bang of his life.

Looking around, he was surprised to see that he had annihilated most of the afterworld in the process, as far as the eye could see was a flattened scene of devastation, Bulma was behind him, and now had her head tucked into her legs out of fear; her long blue hair had indeed been messed up by the wave of energy, she looked like she'd just woken up from a very rough night of sex.

"Woman… you can come out now." Vegeta said gently, he sounded calmer than he usually was when he spoke to her, it felt good letting out all that raw energy especially on such an idiotic waste of space like Yamcha, and he'd wanted to do that for a very long time.

Bulma timidly raised her head, to say she was scared was an underestimation; Vegeta had been so powerful; how in anyworld had she survived that blast? The earth was more than likely destroyed it had been that strong.

"Are you…" Vegeta paused before continuing. "Ok.."

Now Bulma knew this was a dream, first the big pink bubblegum ball machine Buu had killed her, then Yamcha had almost raped her, and now Vegeta had changed into a red fluffy SuperSayan with long hair and he was being nice.

Raising her eyes she realised what must have happened.

'I bet I've eaten cheese before bed again. I'm always telling Vegeta not too I'm such a hypocrite.' She didn't mean it but Vegeta actually heard this conversation, as her voice boomed through his mind.

They had formed a strong telepathic bond like when they had mated for the first time all those years back. Now it had been revived, he was surprised himself.

Smiling, he realised she must have been okay to have such stupid emblematic thoughts.

Then he concentrated on answering her question.

'No. You didn't eat cheese, what's this woman; you're admitting you're a hypocrite? I knew you ate that yellow squashy stuff sometimes before coming to bed, and all that moaning you did to me in the bedroom about it. Bad princess.'

'Vegeta! Get out of my head! You know I hate that you're so rude' Bulma thought back angrily,

'So… was the sex we had earlier that great you thought it was a dream?' Vegeta pried, Bulma could feel him smirking at her but she persisted in refusing to look into his eyes.

'Talk to me properly if you're going to; stop messing with my mind you geek!' Bulma challenged, as she felt his gaze upon her deepen.

She honestly thought it was one big dream, and that she was going to wake with the sunshine booming down on her and Vegeta training out in the GR as usual.

"So… was the sex great or what?" this time he chose for once to obey Bulma's wishes and said it out loud, she still seemed too fragile.

"Stop thinking about your body functions princey and help me wake up." Bulma growled as she finally lifted her head from her hands and looked back into Vegeta's eyes.

"Tell me this, if you were sleeping can you honestly feel pain like you are now." Vegeta said gently, stepping closer to his wife who was still curled up on the floor.

Bulma thought about what he'd just said, and strangely it must have been true; the pain that was throbbing through her ribs was almost as bad as giving birth to a child again. Her arm wasn't feeling much better; perhaps it had been some seriously strong cheese?

"Who am I kidding." Bulma said aloud, she knew herself that what Vegeta said must have been true, she'd never had a dream in which she'd felt real pain before. She truly must be dead and he must have just disintegrated her former lover.

"How much pain are you in?" he said quietly, secretly he was worried about his mate; he had recovered just at the right time, if he would have been any later he dared not think of the consequences; still Yamcha had beaten Bulma quite badly, at one point she was even unconscious. The part that made Vegeta's blood boil most however was the fact that the weakling was going to rape her, he had already touched her indecently he could sense it; but he hadn't had his entire way with her.

Bulma also seemed different; she must have been so terrified it didn't feel thinking about, and by the looks of her eyes she was also in a great deal of pain from her injuries she had sustained from the scarfaced twat.

She didn't answer his question, instead she attempted to put on a brave face and pull herself up off the floor.

It didn't take her long before she buckled on her knees and fell backwards. Pain shot straight through her upper chest and her bones made a sickening cracking sound.

"Woman, don't be an idiot all your life, even I can see you've got some nasty damage." Vegeta said in a gentle tone as he bent down towards his mate so he was level with her.

Suddenly he wished he hadn't killed Yamcha so easily, he hadn't meant to after all; he figured if he kept him alive and tortured him it would be a much longer revenge on his behalf, but his newfound power had gotten the better of him. Yes Yamcha had been in pain when he died at the hands of the colossal sized big bang but it was still too fast for Vegeta's liking, he would have preferred to rip his internal organs out one by one; just after cutting off his valuable limbs and maybe perhaps stripping his skin off. All of course while he would be tied up to something and fully awake to feel and see every painful move.

If there was one thing that the Sayan prince had learnt whilst being a space pirate that was actually beneficial, was how to torture a person. It was away with the old fashioned theories such as 'Chinese water torture' and in with torture Sayan style.

"Vegeta im fine, honest…." Bulma said quietly, a single tear slid down her cheek as she clutched her left side with her one good arm.

"Woman, you always moan at me for not taking my wounds seriously, now stop putting on this brave face and come with me, if nobody will treat you then I suppose I'll have to." Vegeta grumbled as he tenderly held out his huge fluffy arm for her.

Bulma grinned to her mate, he had a good point; whenever he wounded himself in the gravity room she always nursed him back to health and made sure his wounds were clean even when he did sometimes put up a fight.

Now it was her turn.

Taking his arm with her good upper limb she managed to hoist herself up, pain seeped all around her chest with every heavy breath she took.

Vegeta looked on in concern as Bulma's appearance changed to a pale white, where she once had tanned skin like his own, she now looked white as if she had the flu. Obviously Bulma wasn't as good at coping with the pain as he would have been in the situation but still. In battle he had broken many more bones and achieved so much more internal damage but still walked away laughing.

However Bulma was not a Sayan, she did not have the unique fast healing ability as he, and she also had never been in a genuine fight before or had any real damage.

Humans were not born and bred killing machines like the Sayans, they were much more weaker and concentrated more on their technology and machines; they hadn't even enough ki to fly without a motor device attached to them. With the exception of Gohan's stupid new girlfriend whom he had given lessons to.

"Vegeta… thanks I owe you one big time." Bulma wheezed out as she felt that thundering pain pummel through her chest again.

If only they had a regen tank around, it would do the job perfectly; they were designed to bring back half dead warriors so a few broken bones should take no time whatsoever. Unfortunately for them both Vegeta seriously doubted that in the after world they had such technology. After all everybody was already dead so what difference did it make?

Yamcha looked about his new home, something was very different… the fluffy clouds had gone and now was replaced by a lake filled with blood, the pretty fields of flowers were now spiky thorns and the little wooden log-houses was now prison cells with huge metal bars.

He knew exactly where he had ended up; he'd heard the stories from Goku. Home for infinite losers.

Obviously he had just experienced what it was like to die when you're already dead, the desert bandit had been sent way down to the lowest point of the earth; looking up into the dark thundery sky he could make out the faint image of snake way behind some of the darkest looking clouds he had ever seen.

A noise in the distance disrupted him from his concentration, it sounded like a group of ancient tribal people, drums were banging and the occasional high-pitched "Ieyayayayayaya" was called out.

"I don't believe this…." Yamcha groaned slapping his forehead, the death had been surprisingly quick Vegeta wasn't exactly merciful and it had hurt a hell of a lot as his body got fried up in the huge power surge, but he had deserved every bit of it.

If only he had gotten rid of Vegeta when he was paralysed and raped Bulma a little quicker; then he would have finally gotten to have sex with her after all those years; and he'd also be alive now or living in the lovely afterworld nevertheless.

"What in King Kai's name is going on out there!?" shouted King Yamma as he banged his huge balled fist onto the large desk before him.

Something had happened outside and it didn't sound good, luckily his new conservatory and bathroom was still standing after his office had been rocked by what seemed to be a large earthquake only they weren't on Earth.

"Trishco, we aren't due for another big bang just yet are we?" Yamma said as he literally breathed smoke out through his nostrils, if he hadn't been born red in the face he certainly would be now. He felt like he was about to explode, the stress from the job was starting to get to him and he really needed a cold glass of water.

"No.. I don't believe so sir, the next natural occurrence is going to be a new ice age… big bang isn't due for a while yet, oh - we do have a huge meteor sometime soon maybe that was it; perhaps it was early." A little blue demon called out as he tapped away on his laptop screen.

"No…. it didn't sound like a meteor, the last one of those I had, it wiped out most of the dinosaurs…. This was very dissimilar…" King Yamma said fiddling with his huge beard as he concentrated on working out what had happened.

"Would you like me to go and check it out?" offered Trishco lifting his pointed head up away from the screen.

"No, no…. I think perhaps I'll go and get some fresh air and clear my head, I might see if good old King Kai knows anything, its been centuries since I've seen him. I wont be long, you cover the desk while I'm gone." Yamma growled softly as he stood up off his chair.

It creaked as his weight lifted off and the legs settled back down to normal without the huge pressure of the giant.

Trishco nodded his head in acceptance and went back to his computer, it was really quiet at the moment it hadn't been this dead for years, perhaps because Buu had already destroyed most of the earth's population? they had a huge rush in that morning but now not a single sole was about, all had been summoned to either hell or heaven.

To say it was nice was an underestimation, finally some time to get on with the filing and paperwork!

"Adolf, I demand to know now what this is!?" Freeza shouted angrily as he waved the vibrator in the short snappy Germans face.

Hitler began to make some awkward snuffled noises under his little square moustache; he thought that Mussolini had taken the device back with him earlier, obviously not.

"I don't know…. Me never seen it before…"

Freeza glared angrily at his lover and then waved the device right under Hitler's nose wiping the cream onto his moustache.

"You're lying! I am Freeza the greatest lord ever to have lived, how dare you try and hide the truth from me! NOW WHAT IS IT!"

"Dildo!" Hitler screamed back quickly snatching it off Freeza and throwing it out of the prison door into the dust outside, he had surprised the Icejiin with this sudden outburst; and had thrown it like it was a world war two bomb just been dropped from a plane.

"Why do you have that disgusting device in my cell, am I not giving you enough or am I just not up to scratch!" hollered Freeza as he raised his long white tail up and grabbed Hitler by the throat raising him off the ground.

"No… I explain, it mine I use on myself." Hitler called out as he squirmed.

"YOU LIE. WHO'S…. WHO'S…" Freeza hollered before breaking down in tears. "Soshy is that…?"

He dropped Hitler to the floor with a thud, as Freeza leaned against the stonewall for support; never in his life had he ever felt feelings like he was showing towards the evil short human, in fact Adolf was one of the only people that ever consented to having sex with the icejiin and actually enjoyed it.

"Soshy?" Hitler whispered quietly confused was this a word the English used? Walking over to Freeza he put his arm around the lizard's neck and began to rub soothingly. "What does that mean my friend?"

"SOSHY! You know…. What those horrid monkeys put in my drink earlier! Yes, that stuff that comes out when we make love."

"Oh you mean ejaculation." Hitler said suddenly understanding, then he began to sweat; Freeza knew it wasn't his. He couldn't ever tell him that Mussolini was involved; he couldn't see Freeza willing to share him with anybody.

"Come with me, I tell you all over a nice drink of wine." Hitler replied quickly as he got up and walked over to the glasses of wine he had poured out earlier just before Freeza had found the toy.

Sighing the lizard gave up, after all there might be a good reason as to why the sex toy was planted in the cell, maybe Hitler really did need more sex. He hoped this was the case; it could then be easily cured.

King Yamma stepped out of his office and breathed in the fresh breeze; it was a nice revitalising change to the sticky hot office he had been stuck in for weeks he prepared to transport himself to the faraway little planet of his friend King Kai.

Deciding first of all he needed to find a large cold glass of juice he pulled out of the stance continued up the dusty path in the opposite direction of snakeway; and through the golden gates leading to the official after world.

Opening his eyes after taking in an extra deep breath of the fresh air, he immediately closed them again; something big had kicked off.

As far as he could see there was nothing but flattened piles of wood and flowers; everything had been squashed right down to pancake form; what was left of the little houses were smouldering piles of black ashes and small plumes of smoke.

"Majjin Buu… he's here." King Yamma growled in frustration as he angrily pulled on the horns on top of his head. This day was just going from bad to worse, he really needed to look at retiring early demon king or not.

Squinting he could just make out a little alien in the distance who looked in a great deal of pain, deciding to go and find out what had happened and where the pink monster had disappeared off to; King Yamma set off through the squashed clouds at a rate even he didn't know he could move at, being careful not to fall through the patches of cloud that had opened up.

Disclaimer: OOOO so Vegeta has burnt Yamcha to a crisp, hmmm Yamma thinks that all the mess is because of Buu…. When really it's a certain Sayan prince….

Wonder how Freeza is going to take being cheated on? The next chapter all will be revealed! Lots of nice juicy stuff to come!

I want to thank everybody who reviewed the last chapter a special thanks to Debje my favourite little friend and also to whitelighter princess Bulma without you two!…. well your both so great! I'm glad you are enjoying H.F.I.L as much as I am writing it - it's so fun you don't understand!

Please could you all R/R its so nice to hear feedback and its kind of polite too in a way and I know your all lovely deep down ;0)

Thankyas

Surfs up!