The bed was moving. Meredith wasn't sure why or how, but her bed was moving, and it was waking her up. With a groan, she rolled onto her side and reached for Derek, quickly regaining consciousness when she realized that her restless boyfriend was the cause of the moving bed.

Her usually peaceful sleeping boyfriend was thrashing under the sheets, groaning as he tossed his head from side to side.

"No," he whimpered. "No…."

"Derek," she whispered, gently reaching out to touch his arm. "Der, it's okay. Wake up."

"Meredith," he murmured, still lost in sleep. "No….Mer!" He shouted her name and sat up straight, looking around the room with confused eyes, his hair standing up on end as he panted heavily.

"Derek," Meredith whispered, reaching out to place her hands on his arms and press a kiss to his naked shoulder. "It's okay. It was just a nightmare."

"Meredith," he gasped, turning to face her quickly and pulling her tightly into his arms. "Oh, Mer."

"It's okay," she whispered, holding him tightly. "I know, Der. It's okay, just let it out."

"It was you," he whispered. "You were there…instead of Dad."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, inhaling sharply. She wasn't sure which one would be worse for him, the dream or the reality. "I'm here, Der."

"I can't…Meredith, I can't lose you," he whispered, clinging tightly to her. "Please don't leave me, don't ever leave me."

"I won't," she whispered. "It's okay, Derek, I'm here and I'm not leaving."

"Mer," he breathed, clinging to her shirt as his tears began to appear on his t-shirt that she slept in. "My Mer…"

"Shhh," she whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "It's okay. I love you, Der."

She wasn't sure how long they sat there like that, her rocking him back and forth as he cried quietly, but she knew she was more worried than she had been before. He'd been having nightmares ever since the funeral, but none had him this shaken up, so terrified that his body trembled as he clung tightly to her.

When his tears had finally subsided, he pulled back and looked at her with a shaky smile. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Don't be sorry," she shook her head, reaching out to run her fingers through his hair. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

Derek sighed as he moved to lean against her chest again. "I don't think I am," he said honestly. "Mer, that dream…that was worse than all the others I've had. I can't bear the thought of losing you."

Meredith sighed as she held him tightly to her. "I know, Derek," she said softly. "But you can't live your life with this fear. I know you have to deal with your dad, and that's completely understandable. But maybe…maybe it's time things got back to normal."

"There is no normal anymore," he murmured. "Not without Dad."

"You're right," she nodded. "But I don't think he'd like you living like this. You only eat when I practically shove it down your throat and you quit your job. And don't pretend that I haven't noticed those tests you've been failing."

"I know," Derek sighed. "But it just hurts so much."

"I'll help," she whispered. "It's we, remember?"

"We," Derek repeated. He took a deep, shaky breath, tightening his arms around her. "Okay, I'll make you a deal."

"I'm listening," Meredith said with a small smile, wrapping his curls around her finger.

"I'll get my life back together," Derek said. "As long as you promise you'll never leave me."

Meredith smiled as she leaned down to press her lips against his forehead. "Deal," she whispered in his ear.

Derek shifted in her arms, looking up at her with a mischievous smile. "I think we need to seal the deal," he murmured, gazing at her with hooded eyes.

"Oh you do?" Meredith asked, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Hey, I can't think of a better way to start my life again," he said, tugging at the hem of her t-shirt.

"Der, are you sure?" she asked, biting her lower lip. "Because I mean, I want to, I really do, but I don't want you to use this as a distraction or anything, and it's been a really long time. Not that it matters, because I know you've had other things on your mind, but I really just want to know that you're sure because you shouldn't feel like you have to do this for me or…"

"I think you just out rambled yourself," he laughed against the skin of her neck. "And this is definitely not just for you. I want this, Mer."

"Oh," she gasped against the straining she could feel through his pajama pants. "Well, if you insist…"

She laughed as he pushed her onto her back and began ravaging her neck with kisses.

XXXXX

"So what time are you going to be home?" Derek asked as Meredith poured coffee into a travel mug the next morning.

"For the fifth time, Derek, I don't know," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I have tutoring after class, and then I have a meeting with a professor. I don't know how long it will take."

"But…I need to know when you're going to be back."

"I won't be any later than five," she sighed, turning to look at him. "Der…I know you're worried about me, and I love you for it, I really do. But you can't keep tabs on me all the time. I'll be home later tonight, okay?"

Derek bit his lower lip in a gesture that he could only assume he had picked up from her. "Mer, I just…I need to know that you're okay," he said. "I can't lose you, Mer, I can't."

His eyes were wide and worried, and she couldn't find it in her heart to tell him that she would be driven completely crazy by him constantly following her around. "Fine," she said softly. "I'll be at the tutor center until two thirty, and then I have a meeting with my professor at three. It shouldn't take more than a half hour, and if you want, you can meet me at the tutoring center and wait outside the office for me."

Derek sighed in relief as he pressed his lips against her forehead. "Thank you, Mer," he whispered. "I just…I can't be apart from you right now."

"I know," Meredith sighed, wrapping an arm around his waist. "It's okay, Derek, I'm glad you're trying to focus on something other than…well, you know. But just so you know… this is not going to last for the rest of our lives."

Derek couldn't help but smile at her implying that they would be together for the rest of their lives. "I'll try, Mer," he whispered. "This will pass soon. I hope."

She smiled as she leaned forward and kissed him firmly. "It's okay, Der," she said. "This is the first step in you getting better. And I'll do anything to help you with that. Even if it means I have to let you follow me around all the time."

"Thank you," Derek whispered, holding her close for a moment. "I love you so much, Mer."

"Hmmm, I love you too," she murmured against his lips. "Ready for class?"

"Okay," Derek said with a smile, pecking his lips against hers one last time. "Let's go."

They walked out of their apartment, and Meredith couldn't help the warm tingle that ran through her body as Derek squeezed her hand tightly. She couldn't even remember the last time he had paid her any attention besides rolling his eyes and snapping at her for worrying about him, and it felt good to have his hand in hers again as they walked to class. She couldn't help the smile that spread across her face as she thought that things might actually be returning to normal.

"Mr. Shepherd," their professor said with a wide smile as the two of them walked into the classroom. "How nice of you to join us."

"Professor," Derek said, squeezing Meredith's hand before he let it go. "I know I haven't been performing to the best of my ability in your class, but…I've been having some personal issues and…"

"Mr. Shepherd, I am aware of your issues," the professor said with a sympathetic smile. "And I'm deeply sorry for your loss. However, if you are back at school, I can only assume that you are ready to resume your usual studies. I'm sorry, but…the grades I have issued still stand. If you want to ensure that you pass this semester, you will need to ace every assignment between now and the end of the semester."

Derek stared after the professor as he walked away, his gaze turning down to his feet as he realized how much trouble he was in.

"Der…" Meredith sighed. "I'm sorry."

"I'm fine," he nodded, moving closer to the seats in the front of the room. "Let's just… listen to the lecture and then I'll figure the rest out later."

Meredith sighed as she sat down next to him, pulling her notebook out of her bag and settling down to begin taking notes. As the lecture started, she noticed Derek shifting beside her, occasionally writing things down before he sighed in frustration as he threw down his pen. She glanced at him for a moment, finally realizing that he didn't have any context for what this lecture was about. She smiled slightly as she reached over to squeeze his hand and edged her notebook over to him, hoping that he wouldn't let his frustration lead him back to the place that he'd been in previously.

As the class ended, Derek sighed and got to is feet, pushing Meredith's notebook back into her hands as she stared up at him. She shoved her books back into her bag and hurried after him, hoping that he would not resort back to the place he had been in since the funeral.

"Derek," she sighed as she grabbed his arm. "Talk to me."

"I just…Mer, how am I supposed to do this?" he asked. "I can't catch up in school, there's no way I can do this in all three of my classes."

"You can," Meredith insisted. "I'll help you. It's only March, and you're smart. You can catch up. I'll help you, Mark and Addison…we'll all help you."

Derek stopped pacing and looked at her for a long moment, his eyes shining. "I need you," he whispered. "I know I say that all the time, but honestly, Mer…I really can't do this without you."

"I know," Meredith nodded, pulling him closer. "Derek, you know that I'll be here for you. Whatever you need."

Derek nodded, squeezing her tightly. "Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you, Mer. Just…thank you."

"You're welcome," she whispered. "I have to tutor now. And you're going to come with me, and catch up on all the reading and all the notes you've missed. And you're going to go over your tests and understand it all. You're going to do that everyday, okay? And you'll get caught up, I promise."

"Okay," Derek whispered. "Let's go."

They walked together to the tutoring center, Derek squeezing her hand tightly as he breathed in deeply, trying to control his feelings of frustration so he could get his life under control.

"Okay, you're just going to start at the beginning and go over all these notes," Meredith said, handing him her notebook. "And if you have questions, look in the textbook. Pretty much everything you need to know will be in there. But if you don't get something, just wait until I have a down moment, and ask, okay?"

"Okay," Derek said. He stared blankly at the page for a moment before he picked up his pen and began copying her notes over.

Meredith smiled as she watched Derek concentrate on his reading, his brow furrowed and hair falling over his forehead. She was glad to finally see him concentrating on school again, and she knew she was getting her real Derek back.

They worked quietly, Meredith reading for her own classes before other students showed up looking for her tutoring skills. It was nice, she thought, to have the ability to just sit and concentrate together, without any dramatic implications.

When Derek couldn't concentrate any longer, he closed his books and looked at Meredith as she helped another student with biology 101. She was beautiful, with her hair falling around her shoulders as she worked patiently. He felt his heart tighten with how lucky he was to not have pushed her away yet.

Derek looked at her for a few long moments before she turned to him with a self conscious smile. "Come on, Mer," he said, reaching in to press his lips against hers. "Let's go home."