I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update, but I hope you all enjoy! Let me know what you think
Meredith was not a worrier. Usually, if something was going on in her life, she was able to shrug it off or distract herself with school or work. Even over the past couple months when she had been worried about Derek, she had lived under the assumption that he would eventually become himself again, and she had channeled all her worries into focusing on that hope. Now, as she lay beside him in the tiny hospital bed, his arm in a sling and his forehead bandaged as he fought for consciousness, she couldn't do anything except worry.
"Is there any change?" Mark murmured from the chair next to the bed where he'd been dozing on and off all night.
"No," Meredith sighed. "Mark…what if something happens?"
Mark leaned forward to squeeze her hand. "It won't," he said firmly. "There's nothing in the world that would make Derek leave you."
"I used to think that," she whispered. "But…that was before he crashed his motorcycle and kicked me out of his hospital room."
Mark ran a hand over his face, wondering how he was supposed to help his best friend's girlfriend get through this difficult time. "Meredith," he sighed. "Look…I'm going to go out to the waiting room to check on Emma and the girls, give Addie a call. Do you need anything?"
"No," Meredith whimpered, curling closer to Derek as she laid against his chest again. "Just…Derek."
"Hang in there," Mark whispered, squeezing her hand before he moved to walk out of the room.
Meredith sighed as she adjusted on the bed, moving so that she was sitting up, facing him with her hands cradling his uninjured hand. "Derek," she whispered. "I'm so sorry. For everything. You kept telling me how much you need me and how scared you were of losing me, and I know that I said I hated that but the truth is…I feel the same way. Derek, if I lost you, if you don't come back…I don't think I'll ever recover. Because you made me into the person I am today, and I love you so much. So please, just come back to me. I promise you can follow me around, and never leave my side again, if that's what you want. I'll never complain about it again, as long as you come back to me. Derek, I love you so much, so please…just come back. Please."
Tears streamed down her face as she leaned back down to rest against his chest. She cried quietly against his hospital gown as her fingers clutched the thin fabric, silently begging him to wake up. She wasn't sure how long she laid there crying before she heard a low groan and felt shifting beneath her head. With wide, hopeful eyes she sat up and looked down at Derek, whose eyes were still closed but were fluttering slightly like they always did when he was about to wake up. "Derek," she whispered, taking his face in her hands. "Derek, can you hear me? Please wake up, please, Der."
"Mer," he managed to groan after a moment, his eyes finally fluttering open.
"Derek," she sighed in relief fresh tears coming to her eyes, this time full of relief. "You're awake. Oh, thank you, thank you."
Derek groaned again, inhaling deeply before he whispered, "Sorry."
"Sorry?" Meredith frowned, moving to frame his face with his hands. "For what?"
"Evything," Derek mumbled.
Meredith frowned, hoping that his disorientation and slurred speech had more to do with just waking up than any serious medical conditions that could present themselves. "It's okay," she whispered. "I love you so much."
"Love…too."
She leaned forward to press her lips against his cheek. "I'm going to go get Dr. Hathaway," she whispered. "I'll be right back."
"No," he murmured, tightening his hold around her hand. It was still weaker than usual, but he clearly didn't want her to go.
"I have to, Der," she whispered. "I'll be right back, I promise."
"Stay," he whispered, shaking his head slightly.
Meredith smiled softly as she laid down next to him again. "I guess I have to hold onto my end of the bargain," she whispered. As she rested her head on his chest, the door opened and Emma poked her head in. When she saw Derek's open eyes, a look of complete relief overcame her face as she stepped into the room.
"He's awake?" she breathed.
"Mm wake," Derek mumbled.
"Well it's a good thing," Emma said as she approached the bed. "And you'll be lucky if you're still alive when I get through with you, Derek Christopher. Do you think I can handle you doing this to me so soon after your father. I could kill you myself."
Derek groaned slightly. "You'd kill me because I almost died?" he asked.
Emma shook her head. "Sometimes, young man, I don't know why I put up with you." She leaned down to press a kiss to his bandaged forehead. "I love you, sweetheart."
Meredith shifted slightly on the bed, finally sliding out of Derek's grasp to stand beside them. "I'll um…give you two a moment," she said softly. "I need to get the doctor anyways."
Derek opened his mouth to protest her leaving, but quickly remembered what Michael had said to him and nodded. "Okay," he said. "Hurry back."
Meredith squeezed his hand as she walked out of the room, only letting go when their arms were too far stretched to maintain contact any further. She stepped out of the room and sagged against the wall in relief, burying her face in her hands. After a moment, she heard a voice ask, "is everything okay, Ms. Shepherd?"
With a frown, Meredith looked up to see Dr. Hathaway standing in front of her with a kind smile on his face. "Oh," she said, suddenly remembering that she had told the hospital she was Derek's sister in order to get access to his ICU room. Still, she couldn't let go of the thrill she felt at being addressed as a Shepherd. "Um, yes, I was just coming to find you," she said. "Derek, he's…he just woke up."
Dr. Hathaway smiled as he moved to usher her into the room. "Well, let's go check him out, then," he said.
Meredith followed him into the room, smiling as she saw Derek sitting up further in bed, smiling as he talked with Emma. She stood awkwardly in the corner of the room, trying to act sisterly instead of girlfriendly. Derek frowned, but she shook her head and mouthed "later."
"Well, Mr. Shepherd," Dr. Hathaway said, stepping forward to begin examining him. "It looks like you're feeling good enough to join us in the land of the living. Let's check you out and make sure that there isn't any more damage than we originally anticipated."
Derek smiled nervously as he let the doctor look him over. "Everything looks okay, right?" he asked. "I mean, I feel okay. Except for my head. And my arm. But… everything's okay, right?"
Dr. Hathaway sighed as he stepped back from the bed. "Everything does look okay," he said. "But I'm a little concerned about the fact that there isn't any outward cause to your coma. I'd like to run a few tests, make sure everything really is okay."
"Is he going to be okay?" Emma asked, fear evident in her eyes.
"I'd like to keep him overnight, monitor his brainwaves and make sure he doesn't slip into another coma. If you wouldn't mind, Mrs. Shepherd, there is some paperwork I need you to fill out."
"Alright," Emma said as she stood slowly. She leaned in and kissed Derek's forehead. "I'll be right back, sweetheart."
"What the hell are you doing all the way over there?" Derek demanded as soon as the door closed behind them.
Meredith smiled softly as she looked down at her feet. "They think I'm your sister," she said. "It's the only way they would let me in. I didn't want the doctor to think we were a bunch of perverts."
"Well, he's not here anymore, so get your ass over here," Derek said, reaching out for her hand.
She smiled as she stepped closer to the bed, taking his hand and moving to stand beside the bed, running her fingers through the hair that was curling out from under the bandage on his forehead. "Sorry," she whispered. "I just…don't really know where we are right now."
"Mer, I know I've been acting weird lately, but…things are going to be better from now on," Derek whispered. "I promise."
Meredith nodded against his shoulder. "I…I'm trying to believe you," she whispered, causing Derek to inhale sharply, closing his eyes as he tried to calm down. "Mer…" he whispered. "You can trust me on this."
"Derek, you've said this before," Meredith whispered. "And last time you said things were going to be better you broke up with me and drove your motorcycle into a tree. So I'm trying really hard to believe you, but I don't know if I can."
"Meredith, things really are different now," Derek whispered, tugging on her hand so she sat on the edge of the bed, facing him. "And I know I let you down. But I'm going to make it up to you. It's okay if you don't believe me right now, because that's my fault. But I'm going to make you trust me again. I promise."
She nodded slowly as tears filled her eyes. "Derek," she whispered. "I thought I'd lost you for good. And that kills me. I just…I tried to help, and you pushed me away. So now I don't know what to believe."
"I hate that I did that to you," Derek sighed. "But I want you to know that I'm going to fix it. And things are going to be better than they ever have been, I promise."
Meredith sighed as she leaned down to rest her head against his chest. "Okay," she whispered. "Just…don't leave me again, okay?"
Derek sighed as he reached out to stroke her hair. "Never again, Mer," he whispered. "I promise."
"Okay," Meredith whispered, clutching tightly to the fabric of his hospital gown as she tried to suppress her sobs.
"I love you," Derek whispered. "So incredibly much."
Meredith smiled softly against his chest. "I love you too," she whispered, sitting up quickly when the door opened.
Emma smiled as she entered the room. "Hey, Mom," Derek said with a weak smile, pulling Meredith back down to his side.
"How are you feeling, dear?" Emma asked as she sank into the chair at Derek's bedside.
"I'm great," Derek smiled. "Um, Mer? Do you think you could run out and get me a coffee? The stuff they have here just doesn't cut it."
"Sure," Meredith nodded, understanding the need for Derek to be alone with his mother. "I'll be back in a little while." She leaned over the kiss Derek gently before turning to walk out of the room.
Emma squeezed Meredith's hand gently before turning to her son and smiling softly. "Are you really okay, Derek?" she asked. "I thought the only way you would let Meredith out of the room is if you were sedated."
"Mom…" Derek breathed, shaking his head slightly. As much as he hated being apart from Meredith right now, he needed to talk to his mom alone, to tell her what he'd seen. "I saw Dad."
"Derek, I know you have a concussion and you're confused right now, but that's not…" Emma started, only to have Derek interrupt her.
"Mom, I know it sounds crazy," Derek said. "But when I was unconscious…Dad was there. And he yelled at me for everything I've done wrong with Mer and everything. But he told me…even though he's gone, he's still here. He said he's here with all of us, all the time. And he wants you to know that he still loves you a lot. He says you should start to move on, because no matter what, he's still with you."
Emma leaned forward to squeeze Derek's hand as tears spilled down her face. "Derek," she whispered. "I….if that's what you saw, then I believe you. But it's only been two months. There's no way I can start moving on from the life I built with your father."
Derek frowned as he looked at her. "I know it's hard, Mom, believe me," he said. "It took me a near death experience to realize it. But now I know that even though Dad's gone and nothing will be the same…I can still have a life. And you deserve that too."
"I know," Emma nodded. "But it's different for you, sweetheart. You're young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. You have a wonderful future to build with Meredith. And me…I've already built that life. With your father. And your sisters are still living at home, they have to be my first concern right now. I can't walk away from this, nor do I want to. Your father will always be the center of my world."
There was a long silence in the room, Derek staring at his mother as tears spilled down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Mom," he whispered. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just…I hate seeing you hurt like this. And Dad doesn't either."
"Of course not," Emma nodded. "And I love you so much, Derek. You're so much like you're father, and you're going to be a wonderful man."
She smiled softly as she leaned forward to kiss his forehead. Derek sighed as he looked at his mother, smiling widely as the door peeked open and Meredith poked her head in. "Can I come in?" she asked quietly.
Derek smiled as he reached out a hand to her. "You better," he said. "Get over here."
"I'll leave you two alone," Emma said, wiping her eyes with a tissue. "In fact, I have to pick the girls up from school, and then I'll bring them by to see you."
Emma leaned forward to press a kiss to both of their foreheads, gently stroking the bandage covering Derek's. "I love you both so much."
"Love you too, Mom," Derek murmured, Meredith echoing his words before Emma walked quietly out of the room.
Meredith turned to Derek, handing him the cup of coffee. "Drink fast, it's not supposed to be here," she ordered.
With a smirk, Derek took the cup and took a sip before he put it down on the table and reached for her. "Thanks, Mer," he whispered. "I love you."
Even as the words came out of his mouth, Meredith could see his eyes beginning to close and she smiled softly. "Sleep, Der," she whispered. "I'll be here when you wake up."