She couldn't believe what she reading. She flopped down in her chair and tried to focus on the words in front of her.
" No I may not have known him like I should have, but I really don't think its fair that Mr. FBI got to spend all of that precious bonding time with him do you? Cuz I don't. The way I see it is I should get to spend just as much time getting close to you and loving you the way Mr. FBI loved that so called special cabin time. Maybe I should get to know you and love you. What do you think? I watched you two on tv I could see the way you looked at him, that he is dear and near to you. What really gave it away was the way he grabbed you after the press conference. Like he possessed you and craved you I could see it in his eyes. Now does that look or sound like a man who was raped for years and years by another man? No it doesn't BITCH! Pretty boy will pay for what he did he will pay by watching me. He will watch me touch you, he will watch me feel you from the inside, he will watch me taste you, he will watch me love you, he will watch me torture you in the most passionate perverted way. He took the love that was meant for me so I will take the love that is meant for HIM"
Before she knew what was happening she was on her knees barfing in the wastebasket she broke out in a full tremble. Who would do this who would dare torment Derick like this hasn't he been through enough she thought. She didn't even have the strength to get up off the floor as if staying there would make this go away. Sure with their line of work they got crazy mail from time to time but was this different? She knew the proper protocol for this situation but this made her stomach turn. This felt real like was this son of a bitch was really going to make good on his promises was this someone from Morgan hometown or was this some nut that wanted 15 minutes of fame.
She jumped at the ringing or her phone surely it was Hotch wanting to know what was taking her so long to come into his office. She didn't even answer the call she got her self together and stood up and walked out of her office locking her door behind her but not before stuffing the letter in her laptop bag.
"Good morning Boss Man sorry I got caught up with my babies what is it that I can do for you?" she asked as she tried to hide her raw nerves behind her mug of coffee.
"I am worried about Morgan. We all know how he shuts down and shuts everyone out and we cant let that happen this time if he doesn't go to mandatory counseling I will have to put him on desk duty until he does."
She knew he only had Morgan best interest at heart they all did but Hotch was right if his head wasn't right in the field he could be a danger to himself and his team and that was the last thing she need to be worried about more than she already was whenever they had a case.
"I agree Boss Man he should be here soon you can talk to him then"
She just wanted to run away not necessarily in any direction just away just grab her man and disappear.
"Uh Garcia you didn't know Morgan didn't tell you? Morgan called out today he called me late last night"
"No sir I didn't know he didn't tell me. I had no idea I left before he woke up"
It was like she didn't know anything anymore what was safe, what was right, what was wrong, he was like a stranger to her in such a short period of time. Still she knew she would never fault him none of this was his fault. She was so deep in thought about what her boss just told her she didn't hear Hotch giving her the all clear to go check on Morgan and make sure he was ok at home.
He rolled over and felt the cold sheets next to him that he wasn't used to she was always the last one up this was rare. He looked at his phone no missed calls, no texts, no smell of coffee, no smell of breakfast only silence and of course clooney bounding through the house. He shot up instantly on his side of the bed with worry. That's when he saw her note scribbled on her pink heart post its.
"Went in to the office early see you soon love you P"
Fuck he realized he didn't even tell her he was staying home today and maybe for a while he couldn't face them he couldn't face the stares, whispers, questions, and of course counseling. He didn't mean to shut her out he knew she had his back but it was too hard to even look at her last night he was always her protector her knight in shinning amour. How could he even look at her last night when he couldn't protect himself? He couldn't protect himself from Carl from the streets back then and most of all himself now. He hated this dark side of himself it was the side that lead him to the streets as a teen it was the side that he knew he couldn't risk letting out. He just had so much rage in him so much pinned up hurt from Carl's touches. The way he would grab him and hold him and make him do the things he did. He was too scared to let it come to the forefront of his brain. Scared of what his actions would be had he let it out.
She drove home at lightening speed relieved to see his truck in the driveway she came in and kicked off her shoes surprised to hear the house so quiet she was hoping he was still asleep she knew he need the rest. She text Hotch to let him know Morgan was indeed home. Especially with the dog lying on the sofa she knew Morgan never went running without his clooney. Before she could put her bags down she heard it a ear splitting shatter and howling yell that made her blood run cold she took off like a speed of light up the steps to their bedroom she didn't even think a second about her safety she flung the door open and what she saw made her heart shatter just like the glass she saw.
"WHY BABY JUST TELL ME WHY"
Morgan yelled looking at her as the blood poured from his clenched fist the full-length mirror that sat on her side of the room in the corner was shattered into a million little pieces! He just stood there growling and seething in a rage she never seen him in. it scared her to death. Thank god he had his slippers on as he walked over to her in a zombie like tear soaked trance, he walked all over the glass trailing blood all along the hardwood floor.
"Derick baby I can't answer that for you and Im so sorry I cant"
She let her bags fall from her shoulders as he collapsed into her they both slid down to their knees she pulled her sweater over her head to wrap is bloody hand to try and stop the bleeding.
"shhhhhhh baby I got you and I will always have you"
She whispered in his ear barely above a whisper but she knew he heard her; his breathing began to slow down as she rocked him against her royal blue lace bra. Any other time when she wore this he was all over her but this time he clung to her for a whole different reason.
"Im so sorry Penelope"
He repeated over and over
"How can I protect you when I couldn't protect myself from a sick old man? Please Penelope don't hate me please don't leave me."
He begged her she knew then he was completely outside of himself and exposed down to his raw nerve of emotion. There was no way she could tell him about the letter now no way in hell. It was up to her now she had to be strong for them both. They sat there for at least a half hour up against the closet door he in her arms like a baby against his mother's bosom.
"Baby I need to get your hand cleaned up to see if you need stitches and you need to rest come on baby get up"
She begged him and he quietly obliged he got up and pulled her up off the floor he quietly leaned his head on hers he couldn't believe she didn't run screaming from what he just exposed her to. All of the other women he ever dated would've headed for the hills as soon as they saw what he did. Not her he thought. She went to get the first aid kit as he surveyed his damage. He made a mental note to replace her sweater. He looked down at the glass blood and bags of hers all in the floor he figured the least he could do was pick her stuff up. He grabbed her laptop bag as he sat it on the bed he heard some rattling. Shit he thought he hoped in her frenzy to help him that she didn't break her very expensive non-work issued laptop. He tried to get it out of the bag with his one good hand. Fuck it he unzipped it and dumped it gently out of the bag onto the bed. the first thing he saw was some of the keys where knocked loose from the keyboard. Then he saw it a crumpled letter that was addressed to her at work with no return label or address he knew from years of teaching at the FBI academy that no return address was red flag number one when it came to threatening, stalking, and terrorism.
"Baby I got the kit and I made you something to eat!"
She yelled as she walked down the hall to their bedroom
"If your hand is as bad as it looked before I wrapped it you are going to need this pain killer and you can't take it on a empty stomach."
She was so busy worrying about fixing him back up she didn't even notice he was sitting with the letter in his good hand. When he didn't respond she sat the tray down on her nightstand and that's when she saw her bag dumped out on the bed. She felt sick to her stomach again just seeing the look in his eyes as he looked from the paper to her it was like he was being touched by Carl all over again.