21 June 3130.
Throughout the night I had a series of vivid dreams.
In these dreams, I was never alone. I was hand in hand with someone. We would walk along at times. Or we would have discussions. I say discussions but they were really these experiences which seemed to form conversations. She asked who I was, I detailed my life. A life of fascination with how we saw our world. What life entailed for all of us. The peculiar rise and fall of species. How ours was a strange time. A time where biodiversity had swollen to a point where we could no longer hold onto assumptions about who was dominant and who wasn't. I described my education. How I was eager to understand what made us all the same. And why it mattered to me. How It mattered because I fundamentally saw a lot of us, human and pokemon, on the same level.
She, on the other hand, described life.
Rather, she described radiance in the form of life. How we seemed to all rise and burn brightly. How she always found herself amazed. How everything pulsed and changed and seemed to coalesce into a conglomeration of life. She described curiosity. It was expressed in a way I couldn't begin to describe in words. The inherent wonder as the most recent egg gave birth to a Ralts. How she had wandered almost by accident into this group. How the mother accepted her almost without hesitation. How she loved the quiet mornings. The birth of woods and the every day tellings of the birds who seemed to fly freely in the sky.
In these dreams, we were never speaking. We were experiencing. Mutually, we shared the experiences that arose. We walked these lines of thought, and each emotion dyed the world in comforting colors. Colors that existed that I had no words for. Colors that seemed to be entirely based upon the emotions we shared. Each color, each emotion, was not ours alone. Rather, it was the net result of both of us being in perfect synchronization with each other.
In these dreams, I felt the most complete that I had felt in many many years.
As I awoke that morning, I knew that today was going to be a big one. I looked forward to seeing her again. I had the distinct impression that no matter what happened today, I would see the real interactions of Gardevoirs, and I would begin to really understand what their lives were like. I felt like I was on the verge of a breakthrough in the understanding of their cultural ambitions. The true depths of their interpersonal relations, and the reason the Gardevoirs were arranged as they were.
This excitement must have been present on my face as I sat down to eat that morning. Amelia was up for once and she was eating faster than usual. She had coffee again as well as some eggs and toast.
"I won't be joining you today" She said suddenly.
Confused, I looked up then tilted my head to the side questioningly.
"Today the university is sending a shipment in and I'm going to go get that. After I bring it back, do you think you can manage a few days without me?"
I gave her a concerned look. "What's wrong?" I asked.
"There's been an accident and I need to go visit my family. I shouldn't be gone longer than a day." She explained.
As I looked at her with curiosity and concern on her face. I got the distinct impression that what she described was very much the truth. Perhaps it was a lingering effect of what Aquamarine had done to me yesterday. Nonetheless, I simply gave her a nod.
"Do you want me to get the drop instead? That way you can just go?" I asked. I didn't want her to waste time on a shipment if it was that serious.
She gave me a kind smile then shook her head. "No, your research is very important. Just don't let the University know that I ditched you for a few days." she said guiltily.
There was a lot that was not communicated. The University would frown on her actions and likely put her on academic probation. It would be very hard for her to continue if this was going to be how she treated the person she was legally charged to protect. There was also the fact that she was worried I would no longer trust her to continue ensuring my safety, or would report her.
Even though the latter wasn't evident on her face, I had little issues learning of it. I found this momentarily odd, but eventually dismissed the notion out of hand. Finally I gave her a smile then said in a reassuring voice.
"Look, don't worry about it. You do what you have to, and I will make sure not to say where you went. It can remain between us." I gave her a grin, then thumbed in the direction of the hide "Besides, that is dull work. Laying around all day watching some pokemon hang out? For me this is exciting. I get to test my predictions in real time. I have a vested interest. You on the other hand? Not so much. " I then lowered my hand, then offered reassuringly "But, don't worry about it, in due time you will find something you are really passionate about. That's half the fun in being in a University. You get to find the thing that excites you. And, who cares what that subject is? You might just want to do pokemon breeding. Or maybe you want to explore their different biomes. In time, we all find our passions. So go on, and don't worry. I think I can survive a few days without you!"
Amelia seemed reassured as I collected my things then began heading out. I distinctly heard her crashing up the trail as I proceeded down towards the Hide.
At about 50 yards out, I could tell something was near the hide. It was still kind of dark, so that thing was very light. Almost ghost like. As I got closer though, I could see precisely who it was. With a smile, I gave a cough and felt my happiness grow. Naturally Aquamarine would be here. She stood up with a start, then realized that it was me and not Amelia. Her smile filled her face as she rushed up to me then instantly took my hand. Her fingers danced in my palm. Almost instantly I could feel it again. She was happy to see me and surprised that I came so late. She expressed the worry she felt the previous night too. Apparently, she had waited a number of hours for me to show up. She thought that after she left I was going to follow her down. Then, dejected, she retreated to bed only to awaken an hour ago and immediately rush over to my hide. She was despondent that I waited so long to show up.
A sense of apology filled me as I sent a feeling of comfort to her. My nerves tingled as she insistently urged me to explain myself more. My emotions then spilled into hers. I think that would be the best description for it. eagerness to spend another day here filled me. Curiosity as to what we were experiencing was really. A sense of wonder that the days events from yesterday transpired as they had. And a small sense of worry that I might have made a mistake.
I felt a wave of comfort as the worry was expressed. There was nothing wrong. We were here and there was nothing that was wrong. we simply had to stop worrying. A nudge of feelings flowed from me, skepticism that one can simply stop worrying, then a sudden shove of reassurance. That the only one worrying was me.
The conversation died down as I felt a question arise. As it filled me and was communicated to her, I asked it out loud.
"Why are you doing this with me? I'm just a human who is interested in how you live your life. I don't want to take you on adventures or capture you. I want to understand you." I finally said.
Then, it hit.
My senses dropped away as I felt myself become more aware of this present moment. The longing for companionship she felt. The emotional attachment she desired to have, how she could feel something that she hadn't felt in any other family groups. The connection. That was what it really was. A sense of familiarity that she shared with me that she had never felt with any other Gardevoir.
Any other?
insistence.
Her hand brought itself up to my back, then mine began to move up to hers. I felt my hand run along the fabric of her dress, then come to a rest on the edge of the crystal shard that protruded from her back. Her hand felt along my back, then came to a rest on a section of my spine. Then, I felt two pulses. But they were sync'd. If i had to describe them further, it was like both our hearts chose that precise moment to beat in rhythm.
Even if you don't have this, it is the same as mine in an important way. That is enough for us to communicate. Even if you do not understand my words and I don't understand yours. Our hearts beat so that we do. Through that mutual understanding, you do not need to speak. You do not need to fear the barriers of communication. And the desires we seek will be understood. And in the end, that is the most important thing. Understanding. It is the thing which draws all together. But, we can talk about that later.
Is that it? You have a culture built upon that don't you? Is that why you sit in a circle? I want to know. More than anything, I want to understand. I want to walk along with you and inspect it. I want to hold it in my hand and embrace the feeling of it. I want to feel more than anything else, that connection. I want to understand just who you are. Why you sought me out. What your understanding of a word, an emotion is, why the world seems so much more real when I'm speaking with you. Why you live here, what children are like... What life is like...
I could feel myself brushing against something as my thoughts trailed to that sentence What children and life is like? Is that it then? Do I want to understand the experience of-
I felt a wave of comfort.
The impression of needing to walk one step at a time filled me. And I realized it. This realization flowed from me to her. Then, I felt myself asking it.
I felt myself asking a question that formed in the span of 2 days. 2 very short days in which I only just learned of this Gardevoir. Whom I almost knew nothing about, and never once looked at with eyes approaching desire. Even now, as the question surfaced. I looked at her not with love or lust, but of wonder.
Are you asking me to be with you? Are you initiating a mating ritual?
I felt a wave of happiness as realization occurred then a sudden need for clarity. She was asking me to be here, to stay here with her. To stop hiding and walk along with her, to share in this emotional bond. And to be a part of her family. The words were more... organic. Where I stumbled and came up with simple descriptions, hers flowed like water. She wanted me as part of her family group. She wanted me to stop hiding, to walk with courage. to share in joy, to share in sorry. To share wonderment and excitement.
More importantly, and with deeper consequences, she was asking for my life. The experience in it. The experience through it. The strange wonder and serendipitous adventure that would flow from it. We humans cloaked that experience in words. Mate, friend, lover, all of them were words for what she wanted to share.
They were simply words for the concept of joining.
Amore.
The desire was present. We both seemed to share in it. There almost was no need for an answer really. I felt that within myself but failed to articulate it before another wave of emotion overpowered me.
There was a sense of alarm. No, there was an alarm.
I felt the world seem to coalesce back into the present. There was the dull ringing of something. It was tinny any annoying. It persisted without end and no matter how much we tried, its ringing was enough to cause us to recoil from it enough to momentarily break the deeper contact we had held.
I blinked as awareness filled me. It was disorienting. As if I had suddenly awoken from a dream to find I was in fact sleeping in the middle of an erupting volcano. However, there was a problem. Everything was louder than I was used to. The light wind stirred up by the sun sounded more like a gale than the gentle breeze it was. The lights seemed more intense. As if we were bathed instead in the rays of creation rather than the gentle rising of the sun. Everything. Everything was intense. Especially the ringing noise.
I finally looked around to find the source of the din.
Sitting with my bag that I had sat down was a small alarm clock set to go off at 8:05 am. Precisely 10 minutes before the first Gardevoirs of the family group awoke.
My foot shot over then kicked the timer. With a beep, the alarm shut off abruptly. Leaving blissful silence in its wake.
"That was..."
A bond.
I felt it more than I understood it.
In a wave of understanding, she had described what the last hour had been. What the two pairs share in. What she wished to share.
Then, a sense of alarm overtook her as she realized what the time meant to her. Her hand broke away from mine with a great sense of reluctance. But, she looked me in the eyes, and I knew that it would be all right.
She finally departed back to the settlement before I crawled into the hide, then sat down roughly. This, it seemed, was the Gardevoir way of communication. It was so much more.. real than I was used to. The emotions were amped up beyond anything I had felt. The sense of wonder, curiosity, desire? And so many others.
I felt like I was beginning to understand. If only a little.
I pulled myself over to the viewing area, then caught her looking at me as she crawled into her sleeping spot, then closed her eyes. Silence settled over the clearing and the settlement. Time drug by like molasses as I finished erecting the tripod remove video camera.
Seeing that I still had time, I decided to write down what it was that I felt. I think I did this out of a desire to both understand and relive the experience. It was... intoxicating. As if what was felt within the last hour was reality and everything else was simply a shadow of what was real.
Things had never felt this vivid to him in his entire life. He had never spoken to someone and felt like they had known each other for years. He had never experienced the sensation of first sight rapture either.
It left him shaken to his core as he sat up his other camera, then took a picture of her pretending to sleep.
In due course, the tell tale sound of the young Ralts rousing from its slumber could be heard. The adults too began to rouse. The same Gardevoir which went out yesterday to retrieve water, did so again today. I felt a momentary presence dig through my memories of yesterday as I made this observation. It seemed that She was seeing if I saw this yesterday.
Then I felt it.
I felt the events of yesterday through her perception just as she found it through mine. Of waking up. Of feeling bored. Of wishing to teach the Ralts a song. Of enjoying the meal. Of listening to the story about the people who followed him. Of the adults advising us to ignore them but be on the look out for people coming to their field.
There was ritual and it baffled me. Even though I had spent the day studying them. I did not understand what it was I was seeing in a way. How each sat not just because of the eggs.
Then. The memory ended.
I blinked in confusion before feeling a mischievous sensation.
She did that to distract me.
It worked. I had missed them getting up in the same order. And only just caught her rising out of her bed. Sitting near everyone, and vocalizing again. I got the sense that she wanted to get the food this morning. There was a rush of replies from the matriarch then a curious vocalization from the second family group. With an excited reply, she seemed to answer them. Whatever she said, seemed to make sense to them. It seemed as though the offer was warmly received amongst the family groups.
As they settled in to breakfast. I noticed that the same thing I had seen yesterday seemed to rule today. The Ralts and Aquamarine had the largest comparative portions. And The rest had the same amount otherwise. Again, that peculiar orientation arose. Where the mother of the ralts led the discussion, and how Aquamarine seemed to express her feelings the most eloquently...
I suddenly sat back.
I couldn't just sit here and observe them like this. Like a crashing sensation. There was a rush of emotion as I felt the realization of what I was doing come to grips with the conflict I was experiencing watching the group interact. This was wrong somehow. Like trying to watch them, when they were very clearly a family who had a right to privacy, was somehow wrong.
My camera fell from my hands as my body froze up, then I felt myself scooting back from my observation. A sensation like I was light headed hit me like a rock. My body rocked with the waves of realization. The moral conflict that was quick in rising. I felt the sensation wash over me as my mind collapsed into this struggle. It was like stalking someone.
It was like stalking a lover.
I felt a wave of revulsion wash over me. The disgust that such a sensation brought to me was enough to make me feel sick. The nausea arose in my stomach, but was kept in check by me. I felt a sudden intrusion.
Curiosity creeped into my awareness. I fought to keep it to myself but it slowly began to trickle from me. I held my mouth as I looked to the window, there was a look of horror as I realized the she was suddenly aware of this feeling of conflict. As her right arm jerked, I felt dialogue open. She was urging me to stay there. There was a wave of comfort as she indicated that she was coming.
I pushed back against her in this. I begged her to stay. That when she went over to get the berries, I would loop around and tell her then. That she didn't need to come to me. That it would just attract attention and arouse more questions I couldn't bear to see her withstand.
Then, there was the wave of comfort. If it wasn't for that, I would have collapsed in that moment. My body torn by that conflict.
The comfort was articulated in understanding. And that understanding was relatable. Similar experiences flooded my mind and were swept away. Feelings like the conflict didn't have to continue. That I didn't have to hide.
And there, at 9:30 in the morning, while she was teaching the ralts how to sing a song and I was in my hide at the verge of having a mental break down. She invited me into her life.
It was an open idea.
There seemed to be no details associated with her idea. Instead, it was a pure hearted, almost child like suggestion.
That if it bugged you so much, why not sit with me in this circle and experience it yourself? Why hide away when you can be by my side and one of us? You don't have to be in pain this way. You can be appeased too. You can be happy, and we can be together. That's all that really matters anyways.
The suggestion struck me like the proverbial ton of bricks. It was enough to physically disorient me while I heard her singing that little song to the ralts. Who sang it happily back. In that moment, I could see the lines of causality she described. Me walking out of the box and sitting hand in hand with her. Bright days, happy nights. Peaceful moments looking at the-
It was then that I felt the impact.
It was then that I felt myself be knocked back to my own body and the awareness that something was hitting me.
I did not know it at the time. But in the Absence of Amelia, a pack of poochyenas had encircled my hide. I was currently in the way of their intended prey. While they usually would have gone for the gardevoir prey, they had detected that I was sitting up here, exposed and unaware of their presence. That was when one had charged through the thick foliage that made up the side of the hide.
The force of it crashing into me was enough to eject me out the other side and onto the ground.
I only found out later that at that moment, Aquamarine had felt me disengage suddenly. Her head turned to look just in time to see an animal crash into the side of the hide and emerge out the other side with me in its mouth. It was just in time to see the poochyena and I go tumbling down the slight hill that lead to the clearing.
I say it had me in its mouth. But it would be more accurate to say that it had my arm in its mouth and it had pushed me back first through the hedge. As we tumbled down the hill, the others lept in to join in the attack. I was dazed by this at the time, so I did not know that I was being shoved down the hill. However, the momentum of the attacker had directed our bodies into a tree.
It was with that tree that I felt a sharp crack, and I lost consciousness.
They describe loosing consciousness in the wrong way sometimes. If you are loosing blood, you feel yourself backing away from reality slowly. Everything gets dark.
You feel the curtains drawing in everything gets quieter and quieter. Then, like someone has clicked off the lights. You are gone.
In a situation like what happened here, sometimes it happens without any warning. As I tumbled down the hill and slammed into the tree. Like a light, it was night night for my brain.
Then, like being shoved out of a tunnel, I was awake.
Everything moved in slow motion. My senses came back reluctantly. As if, with great reluctance, I was being pulled from darkness.
My eyes slowly came into focus.
Above me was a canopy of leaves. No light managed to get through them. This left me staring into a grey shadow that was fighting valiently against a light to my side. I tried shifting my eyes, but this resulted in my head rolling to the side. My vision was apparently blurry as I was only able to just make out an aquamarine color. With slow blinks, my eyes chased away that sensation.
Finally, they focused enough to allow me to come eye to eye with Aquamarine. She was sitting there at my side. Both hands grasping desperately at my lowered right hand. Which hung limply at my side. Her deep red eyes stared into mine as I was able to finally focus on hers.
I felt it more than I saw it. a wave of sweet relief that Filled my heart. Like a switch being thrown. I felt her deepest fears die as I slowly regained consciousness. Then, I felt myself smile as a sense of gratitude filled me. I could look into those eyes and the uncertainty I felt could easily vanish in fractions of a second.
It was enough so, that for a moment, I was certain that these emotions had colored the world a warm , comforting orange.
I felt her play at my palms slowly, tenderly.
Emotion quietly passed between us. Like rivers, she told me of the confusion she felt as she saw me suddenly fall out of the bushes that served as the wall of my hide. They were mixed in with feelings of worry as I had my earlier breakdown. Then there was a deep sense of horror as she saw that I was being attacked. Fury as I hit a tree and rolled to a dead stop in the clearing. Rage as she and one of the pairs leapt forth to push back the animals.
I felt gratitude rise up I didn't need a play by play to understand that she was genuinely frightened by what transpired. that she was frightened meant more than even I fully understood at the time. This was evident on my face, but more in my feelings as I learned what happened.
As they swarmed onto me, She got there ahead of the others and unleashed an attack.
it was able to knock out one of them, but the others then turned to attack her. Then, the others arrived and engaged. EVen to her, the situation was rather confusing in scope. Apparently though, It came down to them using a series of attacks that finally was able to beat them.
There was horror as she approached me. She had honestly thought that what transpired had killed me. She convinced the others to help lift me and bring me back to the settlement. I was, however, deeply knocked out. She was terrified that I might have died. The fear had not abated by the time I finally was pulled out.
I felt something cool on my arm as I slowly came to. There was a leaf stuck on my arm. Where it was attached, there was a pulpy substance that was plainly visible. She touched my head, then turned me to face her. However, doing so brought a wave of dizziness to me. I felt that peculiar feeling that one gets when they stand up too fast.
She stood up, then slowly tilted my head back. Then, I felt my body shift as I felt her climb next to me. I could narrowly make out that I was on her bough and vine hammock like bed.
Our hands were still interlinked as she adjusted her self next to me. I had the distinct feeling that there were 5 other eyes upon us as she sent a wave of comfort to me. It was enough to ease the throbbing pain that had swept through my body when I had that vertigo feeling.
However, the added heat of a Aquamarine laying next to me brought a certain comfort that matched her mental signals. She explained in this dim way that we were in her bed and that I was lucky I was close. That I would feel better in the morning. But that it was sunset, and I needed to rest.
I stubbornly held out though. I felt my fingers begin moving on their own. I traced into her palm the desire to stay awake. That I Slept enough. That I was afraid that I'd wake up and this would be false.
She seemed to have felt that too. For, even without seeing her face, I could feel the smile. I could feel as she shifted her body, being careful not to touch my injured arm. To face me. I could feel her slowly turn my head to face hers.
Upon making eye contact, I felt the wave gentle embrace of protection envelope me. It was more than her interlocking her other arm with me. It was more than her letting her chest shard touch me. It was far more than the feeling of tenderness envelop me.
It was all of that. It was the intention that she managed to communicate in doing this. In bridging this gap between us while I was injured, she very clearly communicated to me that as long as I had her near me. I had nothing to fear.
I gave a noise that passed for a laugh as those emotions enveloped me. I made it clear that while, yes, this was true, I still knew very little about her.
Our eyes really spoke for us in this moment.
I felt the confusion arise on my face.
I felt the worry play in my delirium.
Then, I felt her answer me. Not through a returning thought.
But through a tune.
Her voice began to gently articulate a humming melody.
My fading consciousness felt swept away by her voice. Which carried a gentle, flowing, rhythm.
The tune eluded me. But it felt both as distant and near to me, as the strange Gardevoir woman who comforted me into sleep.
I felt a sense of hope.
A sense of isolation.
Dreams. A lot of dreams.
I could not describe it. But as I slowly fell into this sleep, the sensation was that she was imparting to me a hope.
A dream of a telos.
I did not expect to get this chapter done already. It is not as long because I chose to not describe the particulars of the confrontation. In truth, I felt no interest in doing a recount of how pokemon fight. It isn't really personal in a way. I just wanted to keep the focus on what's important. And the most important thing was really the conflict that Rowan feels and how it distracted him. However, it was essential that this happened. There was no way forward for the plot until he had the moment of clarity.