Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man, Hoshino Sensei does.

Chapter 6 : Hate?

Allen could not believe who was in front of him. He stood paralyzed and speechless. No words or thoughts could describe the mix of feelings he was going through. His arms trembled at the grasp of the man's coat. And his eyes could not stop staring deeply at the red haired man who just spaciously seemed to have just realized something of his own. Like a moment of eternity Allen's mind remained blank. What did just happened ? Was he not just now with Tyki and Road waiting for the Cross guy at the port ? Where were they ? Why was he in front of Cross ? Why was Cross beside him? Allen could not help but bite his lips and hold his tears back.

Memories flowed in of the very same man who years ago, with his opera mask did his best as to save the boy. The man who's long red hair danced in the wind. The man who's stained his clothes in blood at the Earl's grasp. The man who had shouted his name. The man who seemed to have the answer to it all. Was this really real ? Was this really him ? Allen touched Crosses cheek as his eyes trembled. He wanted to know if he was real. He was touching him. He was warm and soft. It was real, it was none other than General Cross Marian.

Allen barely felt the small laugh that marked his very face. A face of gladness as if he was unspeakably glad he had assured something he wanted to know since long ago. Cross placed his hand on top of Allen's. For a moment Allen could have sworn he saw the man stare at him in nothing but pure sadness. Sadness and relief.

" What is this ? " Allen thought for himself. " This is just like. "

Allen saw as the General's eyes got a bit wet. " Just like Mana... "

Suddenly the General looked the other way quickly. " Tsk! " He slapped Allen's hand, making him have to let go of his coat. Allen shook his head.

" I - I ?" Allen tried to speak up. "What am I saying? " Allen thought.

Cross got up and sat on the other side of the room. He ignored the boy, something that made the boy desperate as he wanted to hear him. They were inside what seemed like a broken inn. It's wall were cracked and everything was covered with dust. " Allen Walker... " He sighed glumly.

Allen flinched. He looked down and then looked back up again. " Do you remember me Cross ? " He said shy and in fear. " What am I doing ? What am I saying ? Stop it! His a General, I'm a Noah so - so... "

Cross stared at Allen seriously and chuckled. " Heh! How could I not ? " He took out his gun and started cleaning it with a tissue. Allen noticed slight blood on the gun but didn't think much about it.

" Your that Noah kid... " Allen widened his eyes at the word Noah. He could barely move his body and let alone breath. He held his huge urge to just blurt out all that he had regretted and longed for this whole three years. But he couldn't, cause deep down he was still a Noah. He loved his family. He could not deny it. And just seating on the same room as Cross made him slightly sick as well as incomprehensibly warm. How could he be at the same room of this man and yet not kill him ? How could he be so foolishly spaced out? The man who the Earl had commanded to kill was right before his eyes. All he had to do was kill him and be an ' official ' Noah. But, but -

Allen smirked a bit, just what was he doing. What about his family ? He loved them. They were everything to him, they did all they could for him for the past three years, while meanwhile this man was absolutely nothing to him. Nothing but a mere wish, so why... ? Why was he feeling a mix of happiness and guilt ? Was he guilty of his very own feelings ?

Allen suddenly felt extremely sick at a huge disgusting gut feeling that hit him . Wait, was he, Allen Walker, backstabbing his very own family by not attacking Cross ? After all they had done for him THIS is how he repaid them. By just dozing off and talking with the guy ? He couldn't right ? He couldn't possibly choose that path! But there were still so many things he needed to clarify. That's right he was just clarifying his existence. Allen felt the raw irony feeling of betrayal and blood on his mouth. He felt cold and alone.

If only he could just hear how much this man hated him. If only he could hear how this man did not care about him. If only that he could finally - Allen thought for a bit. He couldn't quite put why but he felt that if only he assured himself that Cross hated him. If only he assured himself that Cross was faking his feelings. If only he found a way to convince himself that all that the man had done for him was not love but hate, that then and only then he would be able to kill Cross. That's right after hearing the words of hate from this man his longing would disappear. He had to get rid of his longing and become an "official" Noah. Just as he had told the Earl. He had to find a way to make Cross spit out the cold truth of his hate.

Cross cleaned his gun until he looked up and saw as Allen stared at him in horror. " Cross, do you hate me ? " The man didn't even flinched at the question, he just sighed and looked the other way. Allen hold his wet eyes from dripping more tears. Why did he felt like this ? He finally found Cross. The one and only. The one he had been searching for so much. The one he had been longing for. So why oh why ? Allen gripped his punches and quickly muted his ears with his arms. He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes. He didn't want to hear. Wait why didn't he want to hear ? What scared him so much ? Allen stared at the man who just quietly and quite rebellious looked the other way, just not looking at him, this made Allen's chest hurt. How had he been able to hold his urge to hug the man so much ? How had he yet not ran toward him and cry his eyes out ?

Suddenly something hit Allen. He opened his eyes and stared again at the man who got up and stared at the window, totally ignoring Allen's existence. Allen's head suddenly started to hurt. He widened his eyes. Tears dripped from them. The tears he had been holding so much had now fallen and dripped onto the floor. Suddenly he could feel the dusty room change into a white room.

" Allen! " A female voice sweetly whispered to his ear. She hugged him while wearing a short white dress. Allen stared at the girl with spiky blue hair who's eyes could not be revealed. He could tell it was Road, yet her eyes could not be seen. An aura of mystery roamed her. She held his hands as he sat on the cold floor, injured and crying.

" Road ? " He murmured.

The girl smiled an innocent smile. " Allen... " She giggled and slowly started to walk back.

'" Ah! " Allen held onto her hand tighter, as to not let her go.

She pressed her index fingers onto his lips and then onto hers. " Goodbye. " She whispered as a small tears of blood fell down her cheek and as a drop of blood fell down her mouth. Then her figure burned before his eyes. She didn't shout, nor react.

" Road! " He shouted trying to move but could not." What ? What's going on ? Road! "

She giggled and waved at him. " G - b - ye " The words cut. Soon her figure was turned into dust.

Allen remained speechless. " No, no, no, no, no, no, no " He breathed heavily scratching the floor. His body finally moved.

Soon he felt as somebody placed his hands on his shoulders. Allen did not even dare to look up. But did so anyway as to see Tyki Mikk. His eyes were hidden underneath his hat. He smiled and patted the boys head.

Allen raised his hand towards his mouth. " T - Tyki ? W - wha ? "

Tyki smiled and seemed to say something. Allen could not hear just what he was saying. Tyki was moving his mouth and yet Allen could not hear him. For some odd reason Allen could not read his lips either.

" W - wha ? ; a - are you saying Ty - " He gasped as he saw the man lower his hat and bow slightly. His eyes were still unseen.

" I don't get this! Just what ? what ? " Allen murmured while breathing even more heavily.

Allen blinked quickly and soon noticed Tyki was nowhere to be found. " H- huh? "

Allen then stared at the distance. He saw as three people walked toward him. At first he could not tell who they were. And though his body told him to run his mind told him the contrary. His mind told him to stay. Stay and watch. He soon saw as the three figures evaporated. Allen just dazed at this, his mind kept him calm. Somehow he could feel calm and had no reason in the world to fear this figures. He soon blinked and opened them seeing the three figures circling around him. He recognized the three automatically and roamed his eyes as to see them all.

He looked to the left " Mana... " he looked to the right, " Cross... " and he looked up front, " Earl... " Allen felt as the three of them raised their hands forward to him. Allen stared at the hands without words. The Earl stared at him with his huge grin, Mana giggled innocently and Cross remained dead serious.

Allen widened his eyes. " W - what do you want from me ? W- what is it ? " He stared at all of the hands.

" Guys, I only have two - " Allen noticed he only had one arm, his innocence hand. Allen stood unmoved.

He gritted his teeth and punched the floor. " WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? "

He hid his face with his arm and hair. " I have only one arm, my innocence. "

He looked up at the three. " I can only choose one but all of you... "

" I TRUST you Allen. " He heard the Earl's loud evil smile.

Allen pressed his arms on his head. " That's right. I - the reason I'm here is... "

" Allen! Allen! " He heard a voice calling out to him. " Snap out of it! "

Allen looked up. " Eh ? Who is it ? Who is calling me ? What ? Huh ? "

Suddenly Allen felt as someone slapped his face. Allen saw as all the figures disappeared into dust and in front of him stood the red haired man agitated. As soon as he saw Allen open his eyes he threw Allen aside. He murmured stuff to himself while holding his chin with his hand as he stared at a black ball, stuff like cursing.

" Komui there's some stupid kid here with an Innocence! "

" Who's a stupid kid? " Allen snapped.

" Cross! What the hell? We haven't heard of you in years!" Allen flinched at the word years. " Huh ? "

" Shut up! "

The golem remained silent for a moment. " I'm guessing this is something serious, you have never even once called for recruiting exorcist's...in fact you have never even called at all! "

" Wha - " Allen was about to say something but was interrupted by Cross as he was hit by a rock on the head.

" Got a problem with that ? " Allen saw as Cross sat on the floor and took out a wine bottle. It read Romanee Conti. He drank it like nothing.

"What's up with the stupid kid then ? "The golem asked.

" Could you please stop calling me like that! " Allen clarified while shouting.

Cross ignored Allen. " Well he carries Innocence so it would be logical to retrieve him but... "

" But ? "

Cross looked at the boy sadly and sighed. " Naa, It's nothing. His just mentally unstable. "

Komui remained silent. " Right ~ So what is it really ? "

Cross broke the black goblin, threw the wine bottle to a corner of the room and suddenly approached Allen.

" What the hell ? who are you calling mentally unstable ! " This might have been the man that caused Allen so many insecurities but God how annoying he was! Stupid kid ? Mentally unstable ? Bullshit! How dare he!

Cross could see Allen's angry eyes once again, except this ones weren't the Noah's eyes, this were purely Allen's eyes as they were mixed eyes with caring and hate. Just earlier Allen had been possessed by his Noah and killed a human along with two horses. He didn't know the boy all too well, but he could figure the boy would not be able to handle the reality that he killed somebody and laugh at it. He didn't seem to remember anything about it, meaning he had been completely possessed by the Noah then.

Cross kneeled in front of the boy and patted his head. Allen tried to crawl back but stopped halfway as he heard words that would make him loose his self . " You asked if I hated you earlier... " Cross started trying to maintain a serious face, but a tender grin escaped from him instead.

" Stupid apprentice how could I? " Cross brought Allen into a warm gentle hug. Allen remained paralyzed. Apprentice ? Did he just heard what he thought he heard ? Did Cross just called him his apprentice ? Even though they had only met twice ? Could it be ? No it can't be -

" Do you know were the Ark is Allen ? It is in Edo; You were sent here to kill me weren't you ? " Allen widened his eyes. No way, no way, this can't be.

" So by now you should know why I was heading to Edo, right ? " Allen felt as if all sound had stopped and as his breath had been taken away. It is. It was just as he thought.

" Y - you were. For me... " Allen's voice trembled.

" Yes, Allen. " He whispered softly and paused for a bit." During this whole three years... "

" No, don't say it. " Allen whispered.

" I... "

" Don't say it. "

" I had been searching... "

" Shut up! "

" For you and only you. "

Allen felt as though a spear had hit his heart. " SHUT UP! "

He didn't know why but soft tears fell from his eyes. Even though he had told Cross to shut up his body did the contrary and hugged Cross back. He hid his face on his coat, not crying silently, but sobbing as sound came back. Allen didn't know why but he couldn't control his tears or the warm feeling he had just now. He cried out loud like a child. Loud like a child who had been lost and finally found his home.

Cross did his best to hold himself but he could also feel tears flow down from his eyes. " I'm sorry Allen, but since the first time I saw you, even if the Earl took you away, you have always been my stupid apprentice. "

Cross caressed Allen's hair. " It was my duty as a master to retrieve you. "

Allen didn't know why but even though all the things he dreamed of were real. Right now he had all that he had ever wanted. But the reality was he was not crying of happiness. For him this could have been the biggest punishment he could ever have. Why? Why? Why? Why? OH WHY! The Earl must have known this from the start! Now things would be harder on him.

" Why... " Allen softly whispered at Crosses grasp.

Allen could barely speak the words. " Why does it have to be this way Cross! "Allen shouted as Cross could feel great pain on his back. He jumped back from the hug and breathed deeply.

" What ? What's the meaning of this Allen ? " Cross asked Allen dumbfounded. Allen's huge innocence arm hit the ground as he cried. He had cut Crosses back with his innocence.

Allen struggled with his words." I'm sorry Cross, but it's just as you said. I was sent here by the Earl to kill you! " Allen stopped talking for a bit and tried to clean his tears with his normal arm.

" What are you talking about Allen ? " Cross was in shock. Was the boy meaning what he said ?

" Contrary to you, I came with the sole and only thought to kill you. To break you in half and murder you as the puny human you are! "

Cross still remained paralyzed in shock. " Who is it ? It's Neah right ? Neah! "

Allen didn't smirked as Cross would had expected. He could tell Allen's eyes were filled with emptiness, lies, sadness and guilt. No way, no freaking way. It was hard on him to believe but this was not Neah, No part of it was Neah. It was completely and totally Allen who had spoken those words.

" You don't actually want to do this do you Allen ? You don't have to obey the Earl! There's nothing wrong with you being a Noah! We can always fix that later! " Cross shouted trying to stay up.

" I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. ; But Cross since the start my goal was to kill you. To kill you no matter what happened. To move on no matter what. To walk forward till I reached my last breath. This is my decision and... " Allen fell to his knees. " I made a promise... "

Cross could still not come to believe what he was hearing. It all seemed like a sick lie. The Allen he saw years ago would never blurt out the word kill so easily, he would never speak such twisted foolish words. He was almost sounding like the Earl and Mana who were completely and utterly crazy.

Allen finally seemed to control his sobs. He got up and looked at Cross seriously. " I'm sorry Cross, you will forever be my one and only master, but no matter how I may look like, it had never been in my options to join you. "

Allen walked forward in front of Cross who had lost his balance, both for the deep cuts on his back and for the huge shock that hit him. " I am NOAH and I will not now, not ever and never till the day I die! - " Allen pointed his claws at Crosses throat.

" Be able to stand the thought of betraying my family, myself, my beliefs or my father! "

Cross looked up at him truly deeply disappointed and breathless. He expected so much more of Allen. The young white haired boy had broken.

Please review and comment, tips if possible, thx.

PS : ( Recent tips were hard as hell to understand. :P )