"Oh my God," Meredith breathed, running her hand over the swelling on Derek's face. "Come here, I'll get you some ice."

Derek shook his head as she pulled him into the kitchen. "I don't need ice," he said. "I'm a man."

"So that means you don't need ice?" Kathleen asked with a bemused smile.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Addison rolled her eyes as she handed an ice pack to Meredith before pressing one to Mark's equally bruised face.

"Who did you get into a fight with?" Caitlin asked.

"Each other," Mark replied. "But it's okay. We got a beer afterwards."

"Clearly," Nancy scoffed.

"Why did you get into a fight?" Liz asked. "That hasn't happened since your junior year of high school and Mark told Rose that Derek wanted to go to a hotel with her after prom."

"I won," Derek announced, ignoring his sister.

"You so did not," Mark rolled his eyes.

Derek opened his mouth to argue, but Meredith cut in. "Okay, let's get back to the reason you two manly men decided to beat each other up."

"Well, Mark said that he wanted to go to med school in L.A.," Derek said. "And I didn't even apply there, which is stupid, because Mark and I have gone to the same school since kider…kinner….since before first grade."

"You got into a fight because you're not going to school together next year," Addison stated.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she turned to Addison. "I think I've officially become worried about how close they are now," she said.

"No, that just started it," Derek said. "Because after that….well, I don't remember, but when Mark said that Addison gives him more sex than you give me, I punched him." He stared up at Meredith with earnest eyes, as if waiting for her approval.

"Oh my God," Meredith groaned, her cheeks turning bright red.

"But it's true," Mark continued. "Like the time you caught us in the closet at Kathleen's wedding…"

"Hey!" Kathleen yelled. "Is that why you missed the cake?"

"Yeah, I'm still mad about that," Mark said to Addison.

"Shut up," she hissed.

"Don't worry, Mer, I made sure Mark knew about the time you gave me a blow job during bio last year," Derek nodded eagerly. "And the thing I do in the shower that makes you… Ow!" He cried out in pain as Meredith smacked the back of his head.

"You need to stop talking," she said. "Seriously, this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"It's not stupid, it's important," Derek argued.

"To who?" Addison asked.

"Me," Derek and Mark said at the same time.

"This is way better than any movie we could be watching right now," Liz muttered to her sisters as she dug into her ice cream.

"Anyway, Mark's just mad because he knows I have a bigger…"

"Hey!" Mark shouted. "I thought we agreed we weren't going to talk about that. And for the record, he's barely an inch bigger."

"Oh my God," Kathleen buried her face in her hands. "This is so not a conversation I want to be having."

"I don't even want to know how you know that," Meredith muttered.

"It's true, I can show you," Derek said, standing and forgetting his sisters' presence in the room.

"No!" they all shouted at once, hurrying to cover their eyes.

"Alright, that's enough," Meredith rolled her eyes, pointing Derek towards the bedroom. "You. Bed. Now. You too, Mark."

"Oh my God," Addison groaned as Mark and Derek walked towards their respective bedrooms, grumbling quietly. "I can't believe that just happened."

"Are all guys this stupid?" Meredith asked. "Because I'm pretty sure I fell in love with the world's stupidest man."

"Chris and his brother once had a competition to see who was the better husband," Kathleen supplied. "I've never gotten more presents and flowers in one week. I still have some of the chocolate."

"I'm just glad you stopped it when you did," Liz rolled her eyes. "Otherwise I would have needed many years of therapy."

"I've never seen him like that," Meredith said with a giggle. "It was kind of funny."

"At least we can make sure to never bring up who has more sex again," Addison sighed.

"Definitely not," Meredith agreed. "But I mean…Derek was kind of right."

Addison narrowed her eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked.

"Just that…I mean, Derek can go for a long time," Meredith said. "And he's very flexible. It's actually pretty impressive."

"And Mark's not impressive?" Addison asked.

"When he manages to get some in the pantry at Emma's house, I'll be impressed," Meredith replied.

"Oh gross," Caitlin cried. "We keep our food in there."

"Do you really want to go there?" Addison demanded as she stood. "I could so take you down, Grey."

"I'd like to see you try," Meredith replied, not at all intimidated by her best friend's height.

"It's so on," Addison said, reaching for the collar on Meredith's shirt.

"Whoa, okay," Nancy intervened, stepping in between the two of them. "Now who's arguing about stupid stuff?"

Meredith stared at Addison for a moment before she turned and stormed into the living room, grabbing a pillow off of the couch before she threw it at Addison's head.

"Hey!" Addison yelled as she moved into the living room as well, followed by the rest of the girls. There was soon a mass of pillows being thrown at each other as they all threw pillows at each other.

When they were finished, Kathleen collapsed onto the couch and closed her eyes briefly. "I can't believe that they got into that stupid fight," she said after a long moment.

Meredith giggled. "I should probably go check on him," she said. "He's going to be crabby as hell in the morning."

"Hmm," Liz nodded, her eyes falling closed as she curled into herself in the armchair.

Meredith smiled as she and Addison stood and made their way around the sleeping Shepherd sisters, stopping at the doors to the bedrooms. "Addison, I didn't…"

"It's fine," Addison shook her head. "And let's not ever tell the boys we ever fought over that."

"Deal," Meredith nodded as she slid into her room. "Good night."

She turned to look at her sleeping boyfriend, smiling at the sight. He was sprawled over the entire bed, still in his jeans but having shed his shirt. He was grasping her pillow tightly in the place where she usually slept. As she made her way to her dresser, he let out a loud snore, and she giggled slightly. Apparently when Derek got very drunk, more than a couple things changed about him.

"Derek," she giggled as she pried the pillow out of her grasp and replaced herself in his arms. She settled into his arms and sighed happily as his arms tightened around her.

"Mer," he breathed into her hair.

"Go back to sleep," she whispered.

"Don't wanna," he mumbled, pulling her hips closer so she could feel his growing arousal.

"No," she said, pulling away from him. "Derek, your sisters are in the next room. No way."

"Come on, Mer," Derek murmured, sliding his hand under her shirt. "I promise I'll be quiet."

"No," Meredith whimpered, but she could already feel herself slipping.

"Please," Derek whispered, pressing his lips against her neck.

Meredith groaned as she turned herself over in his arms, staring into his eyes, filled with desire. "Fine," she sighed as she pressed him onto his back. "But quiet. You have to be quiet."

"Hmm, okay," he mumbled, running his hands over her thighs as he kissed her deeply.

XXXXX

Meredith woke the next morning to the sound of Derek groaning in despair beside her. She giggled as she turned over to find him burying his face under the pillow. "How are you feeling?" she whispered as she ran her hand through the curls sticking out from under the pillow.

"Stop screaming," he moaned in reply.

Meredith smiled as she reached for the pillow. "Let me see your face," she whispered.

"Too bright."

"Derek, just for a second," she said. "I need to make sure you're okay."

Derek muttered a string of incoherent syllables, and she rolled her eyes. Her boyfriend was pathetic. She leaned forward and whispered, "If you let me look at your face, I'll be Dr. Grey for you later."

Derek groaned, but after a moment of hesitation, he pulled his head out from under the pillow, squinting in the sunlight that was streaming in from the window. "Derek," she winced, reaching up to touch his swollen face. "Does it hurt?"

He groaned in response as he dropped his head to the pillow. "Light. Bad."

"I'll go get you some ice," she said, pressing a kiss to his swollen cheek before she moved to get out of bed and pull some clothes on.

"Tylenol," Derek requested.

"I'll get you some Tylenol too," Meredith giggled. She walked out of the room and smiled at the girls sitting around the kitchen table. "Morning," she said with a sigh.

"Morning, Mer," Liz said with a smirk.

"I bet you slept well," Kathleen laughed.

"You…what?" Meredith asked.

"Let's just say I never want to hear my brother make those noises ever again," Caitlin giggled.

"Oh my god," Meredith groaned, burying her face in her hands. "Are you…seriously? You're just nosy. Derek was totally right, you're just a bunch of nosy annoying…sisters."

Nancy laughed as she turned to look at Addison. "As disturbing and twisted as it sounds," she said. "I think Derek and Meredith do win this sickening competition."