4 July 3130.
As dawn pulled me away from the world of dreams. I felt Her shard pressing against me.
Last night, Aria and I were intimate. She showed me how Gardevoir expressed deep affection. The sensations... were greater than I could have articulated before. Wrapped in embrace, we explored one anothers bodies. Each spot seemed to carry a special emotional significance.
We felt it grow as I found my hand beneath the gown she worn. Her stomach... it was incredibly hot to the touch, but it paled in comparison to her breasts and most especially her shard.
The previous nights had become peculiar in that we were more physical at times. Even though we communicated in such an intimate way, the telepathy and the hand frolicking were insignificant compared to the emotional pathways associated with desire and beauty.
We stopped shy of intercourse. The feelings aroused within me and the desire etched on her face made it reluctant. In the three days since Amelia left, I fell into the pattern of helping Aria with Asa the yearling Ralts. Aitsu and the Matriarch were entirely occupied with tending to the newborn who was being called Aura, and Aina and Aika were entirely consumed in the raising of the two young ralts. They were thus called Assai, given for how quick he moved when cuddled against aika and Alto, for how high pitched her cries were.
As the others began to stir, Aria and I were accompanied by Asa to the water spring. It was proper for members to gather supplies after all. Aria raised her hands, then showed Asa how to concentrate enough to draw forth water. She produced a 2 foot by 2 foot sphere, then gave a nod for Asa to attempt. Her best attempt produced a small 4 inch sphere of water. I stood off to the side as they did this. I lacked psychic powers, so I was unable to retrieve water. Still I found pleasure in watching Aria show Asa how to manipulate the water.
Since Amelia left, Aria and I have not been more than 5 feet apart. She and I both felt that fear of being separated. As such, we both seemed to naturally gravitate towards one another. Our mutual sense of desire seemed to act as the agent which kept our hands intertwined and our eyes on each other. In the intervening days, I regained my ability to walk unassisted and the wounds on my body were finally beginning to fully heal. The back wound was still fresh, but with the passing of the days, the pain seemed to ebb little by little. The bruising on my chest began to fade and the pain in my shoulder began to diminish.
As I began to heal, I began to feel enlivened again. My urge to move returned a little at a time. After we ate, Aria and I usually sat outside of the te ze while she taught the ralts how to sing. In the saying "It takes a village to raise a child" It is understood that each member had a job to perform in raising the child. It was, indeed the case. Aria taught them how to express their emotions through the cultural dances and the songs she taught. Aika and Aina normally taught them how to gather, and Aitsu taught them how to collect water while the matriarch taught them how to control their emotions.
With Aika and Aina out of the running due to their child rearing, I found myself finally having a use. In fact, today would be the day I would take the Ralts with me to show her what to pick and what to leave alone. I was fortunate in that the food in question was the same fruits I had grown up around and the plentitude that grew along the far side of the field.
As Aria finished her lesson, I felt my hand grasp onto hers, then with a small dancing, began to communicate.
I think it's time I said with a note of anticipation in my emotions.
Are you well enough to gather fruits? I worry that the weight will be too much for you... Aria suddenly said. Her worry seemed crystal clear to me. My injuries were, after all, not fully healed. However, the confidence that I felt myself impart to her seemed to reassure her as relief met my mind.
Nothing will ever be too much for me. Especially since I have you ses frau... I found myself happily saying.
Stop being such a romantic! I would fall back for you beh sze! came her mirth filled reply.
Truth was that I loved our banter. We could say essentially nothing, but the value of even a line of dialogue with her was increased by the emotions we shared in between barbs and comments made.
We walked hand in hand together with Asa all but running ahead of us. Occasionally she would kick up a small insect, then change direction to chase it. Due to how slow she was, we did not fear loosing her or having her run too far ahead. Still we, like good parents, kept a good eye on her.
Wait.
Good parents?
Aria sensed the confusion radiate off of me as I came to realize just what it was that I said. I had referred to our relationship with the young ralts as a parental one. Even though we were not parents, the feeling remained the same. I began to wonder if it was because we had grown so emotionally attached to her, or if it was because the two of us had begun to feel that desire.
Certainly it was common for us to mate in the summer as well as the winter. But we usually...
They usually waited until the winter months both because of being confined together and because of the chances of survival. When it was cold out, it was harder for the egg to develop. So, we usually waited until the colder months so that the rising heat could help the egg to develop.
I felt that something was off as we arrived at the trees. It wasn't so much anything around us. It wasn't a feeling of premonition. However, I could tell that something was beginning to trouble me ever so slightly.
Alright Asa, we're going to show you the right fruits again! Can you tell me the different types? I asked her with eagerness. I found that she likes energetic teaching. She feels more involved and the memory is imparted to her better.
With a chirping noise, she responded lapapa berries! Bananas! oran berries!chesto, pecha, hondew, qualot! Aspear and Leppa! And sitrus! Her voice all but sang the berry types we had taught her. There were a lot to be certain, yet her memorization seemed second to none.
Alright, so how can we tell which one is ripe and which one needs some more time to get ready?Aria then asked.
If they have a vivid color and are right to the touch! They can't be too hard but they can't be too soft! If they're brown they're yucky! Asa giggled as she said that last line.
Well, she wasn't wrong really.
Ding ding ding! Last question! How much do we take? I asked.
No more than we need! She happily chirped back.
However, I decided to toy with her a little bit.
How do we determine what is what we need?
Ralts looked confused for a moment as she thought it over, I could feel the confusion and her sincere efforts to come up with the right answer. Finally, inspiration struck her as she mimicked holding a large load.
Only enough for one persons hands to be all full! She exclaimed finally.
I smiled at her. She had picked up that we all took enough for 3 or so fruits per meal, and each meal had a slightly different combination. In truth, we really weren't able to eat much more than that. Three fruits may not seem like a lot. But three fruits is enough to sate our hungers.
We set about picking the fruits. As I began pulling leppas down, I felt a berry suddenly impact the side of my face. I looked over to find Aria grinning at me as she used psychic to pick the berries that were up high. Meanwhile, I had to keep to the lower branches as I was limited in my range of motion. Unlike her, I didn't have the psychic abilities to really help her.
I felt sad that I was limited like this. I could feel her suddenly concerned as she felt that wave of sadness roll over her.
Beh Sze, what is it?
Nothing really. I was just wretling with the notion that the best I can do is what you see. As I have no psychic abilities like the others, I can't exactly go around picking them so effortlessly like you are. I explained. These limitations had begun to eat at me. I didn't feel jealous of their abilities. Rather, I felt limited by my lack of them. I wanted to be able to collect water so elegantly. I wanted to be able to manipulate things with my mind.
I realized recently that the sensing of emotions technically made me an empath. However, I quickly rationalized that they arose only from the bond I forged with Aria. As such, without her, I would never have had them in the first place. Something more intricate, such as telekinesis was well beyond me.
Aria gave me a cross look then gently tapped me with her hand. I could feel her getting upset that I allowed our differences to get the emotional unity lowered. Beh Sze, I don't know why you worry about it. Not all Gardevoir can do this. Just because you cannot do what I am doing does not make you useless. You can grab items quicker than me, you are physically stronger than I am, and you have the ability to feel my emotions. We share a lot of commonality as it is, why let yourself worry about what you cannot do?
Because I feel like I'm not useful enough I suddenly said, my feeling of inadequecy was fully evident not only in my statement but how I felt as I said that. I cannot retrieve water and I cannot sing. I do not know how to dance so I cannot give you an courtship dance that you deserve and I-
Arias eyes suddenly widened. You cannot dance? She suddenly asked. Her surpise caught me off guard.
Not really. I've never learned how to express my emotions through dance. It was never important to... My culture...
Aria smiled though as I said that, then I felt the nudge of her growing question. There was anticipation and anxiety fully evident as she then said Do you... want to learn?
You... you can teach that? I found myself asking.
I wasn't certain why I was compelled to ask. For some reason, I felt the need to learn more. If there was something she could teach me, I felt the inescapable pull to learn it. If It drew us further together, I would master it.
Of course I can beh sze! She audibly laughed as if such a suggestion that she couldn't was beyond the ludicrous. The reason I teach Asa song is because that is what I am good at. I was gifted with feeling in motion. Like how you are gifted with seeing two worlds unmarked by your own past!
I suddenly stopped picking the fruit then looked at her. W-What did you say? I asked. I could feel that familiar confusion rise up within me as I searched her red and cerulean eyes for an answer that perhaps was beyond me.
I said you can see two worlds unmarked by your own past. She said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Your empathy comes from the fact that you can see others for who they are. You see our caim duc for the caim duc of our fec du. You don't see our caim du as our te ze. You see? You see things as they are. Yet you can describe them as both!
Even though more of the description was in Gardevoir rather than english, I was beginning to understand. She believes that I see our love for what it is; the joining of two souls. I do not allow our commune determine what we feel. Nor do I let my society determine what it is I feel.
I fell into contemplation as I considered her words. Because I am willing to learn. And because I want to be taught. I can learn. I am not resistant to new perspectives because I know that perception does determine our reality to a great degree.
I knelt down, then gingerly put the fruits onto the grass. I then turned to her, then pulled her into my arms. While she was surprised, the fruits that she was picking, fell to the ground, inadvertantly adding to the pile.
se frau... you have a way with words. I never thought about it to be honest. I saw this as only what you and I had in front of us, I never thought that you saw so much more in me than even I knew... I quietly said as I sought her warmth in my arms.
O-of course beh sze! What kind of mela would I be? You are my mate, and slowly, we become as familiar to each other as our own hearts. Our souls join as one precisely because of this! Even you do it! You can tell what I feel as I begin to feel it and you have a way of understanding my heart that when you speak soothing words, I become more at ease. You know me as well as I know myself... Our hands came up, then we each drew one another close. Instead of the human form of kissing as affection, Our cheeks came together, our warmth passed between us. If I had a shard, ours would have been touching. Instead, where it met my skin, warmth radiated out.
But it wasn't enough. Even if we were pressed closely together, there was a desire rising in us to draw even closer. To meet in a way that was steadily growing difficult to articulate. My left arm fell to her waist, then it began creeping back to the rear section of her shard. Her mic tem. There was a sense of pleasure as I ran my hand along her back where it protruded. Then, I felt her hand meet mine. I felt our hands meet, then I felt our fingers begin their dance.
Our emotions fell into syncronization once more. In the midsts of pleasure was joy. There was the desire too. It had begun to grow, creeping gently forth to fill more of our awareness. Had it not been for the Ralts at our feet, still practicing her fruit picking, I fear that we might have succumbed to it. However, the emotional syncronization was enough for us to recollect ourselves.
Reluctantly, we separated to the unusual vertigo that was associated with allowing our hearts to mingle this closely. I never told her this, but whenever we separated, my vision was off kilter. I would see her the most vividly, but the rest of the world was at times discolored and somehow unusual. This feeling lasted perhaps 5 minutes. Enough time for us to recollect our things, then begin the process of heading back.
That afternoon, the others had retired for rest. Aria and I found ourselves alone once more. I was making a vain attempt at writing. However, her voice kept on distracting me from my task.
Be Sze, when the sky is grey, do you think it's because the world is upset? She suddenly asked.
No, usually that means rain is on the way, why do you ask? I said then looked over to her. I saw her head tilted up to the sky, but off to our east. I followed her gaze to see that a storm was forming away from us. With a smile, I watched it for a moment, then shrugged.
What? She suddenly asked as I broke into laughter.
I just sometimes wonder how you can abstract simple things like a thunderstorm so far is all I answered as I resumed writing. I mean, ok, storms hold a significance to everyone. When it rains I love sitting back and watching them. I find it relaxing. There is a fury there that is free in a way. It's like crystalized emotion. All of it cries for release, and when it does, it brings relief to all.
Aria suddenly looked at me. I just don't like them much. They make me sad because I once got separated from my mother in one. I always associate storms with sadness.
Apparently I was the one being all subjective about them this time.
Well that kind of makes sense you know. My sister was the same way. When we were little, our babysitter took us for a drive and our car broke down in a park. But then a big thunderstorm came along. It scared my sister so bad that she always would get extra nervous around them. Oddly enough, even though I was right there, I didn't feel the same fear. I gave a look back at the sky. The cloud was thickening, but it was very slowly moving away from us. However, off to our west, more clouds appeared on the horizon.
I closed my book, then stored them into the bag. The sky gradually darkened with the oncoming rainstorm that was certain to soak nearly everything not under cover. However, our bed was safely under the thick canopy of leaves. Thus, I knew that we would be fine.
The two of us curled up as rain slowly began to fall. The clouds brought a cooling dimness to the world as the rain began drowning out all other sounds.
Aria swelled with comfort. The two of them sharing this moment and this time, framed by an otherwise depressing event, seemed to lend a new meaning to something she never really attempted to see in another light. The rain gently fell as a far off rumble of thunder could be heard. It was such that no matter the noise, she didn't feel much the same fear that she had before.
As I held her, watching the rain fall, I thought about how dull it would have been to be in that useless shelter during this rain.
Beh sze...Aria suddenly said.
Se frau? He found himself automatically saying.
Why did you choose us in particular? She suddenly asked.
I gave her a look of confusion, then shook my head. I don't know what you mean. Where else would I go?
To another Gardevoir colony. We are such a small te ze that there is only so much to understand.
She said. She gave off a feeling of uncertainty as she expanded upon this.
The truth is... I felt drawn here. I knew that occasionally trainers would encounter Ralts wandering around. So to me, this was a place to find one... I knew no other place to go. I answered then tilted my head Why are you here? Why this one particular te ze? Certainly there were others you could have joined?
Aria tilted her head to look at me with an odd expression. That's not fair...
Aria, I don't know of other places. I know of this one, and to me, that is enough. It brought me to you, and the circumstances of fate have brought you and I together. Why does a flower bloom? What is the purpose of it? I asked.
Sometimes... I want to leave here... She finally admitted. There was reluctance in her heart as she said this. Her mind rang with gratitude towards the te ze for having taken her in. And she felt indebted to the matriarch. However, there was dissatisfaction here for her.
Because before I arrived you were the odd gardevoir out? I simply asked.
To my surprise, she agreed with this. I knew that her feelings were dampened by the rain. Her downfallen mood was directly related to this weather and it brought to the surface an underlying sadness at how her life turned out.
I came here because I heard that others like me lived out a quiet existence. I didn't know that it was a single te ze I wasn't really a part of. I hoped that I would find a new te ze that had a lot of others and we would all dance under the moon. There is no dance here... Matriarch just doesn't have the interest in it like I do. For a se frau who defined her life by the dance, this must have been painful for her.
I didn't think about the fact that she was actually dissatisfied.
What if you left here? Where would we go? I suddenly found myself asking.
We? She suddenly asked me.
What, did you think I wouldn't go with you if you wished to migrate to a new te ze? I asked.
Suddenly, she giggled. We wouldn't be with a new te ze, we would be with a te fa not some little te ze! She corrected me. Fa was a larger expression. It denoted greater size, which meant that it was a greater collection of te ze rather than just one.
Ok, a te fa, I said. Where would we go?
She smiled as she cuddled into my arms. She slowly rotated her body so that her back was to me. We would go south. There are various te fa which live under the feather trees. She said.
Palm trees? I...didn't know that there were palm trees around here... How many days does it take to get there? I asked.
Two cycles. she simply answered. It's actually rather close. I think humans are there too. I remember there were a few in a te fa I traveled through, though they never seemed to understand what it was they were doing. They didn't seem to feel the gratitude you and I feel when we join for our morning meal.
So you are saying that I actually feel what they don't? I asked her.
You do. When you and I interlock hands, I notice your desire to make me feel better. You care more about me, and you care more about the te ze than you do about yourself... She suddenly turned, then held herself mere inches before me. Her hand sneaked around my chest, then ran along the slash that was covered in leaves. The Slash Amelias Pokemon inflicted. None of them had this... She whispered.
I felt my breath catch in my throat as she said this. I.. didn't want you to get hurt... I said, feeling reluctance at those precise words.
It was more than that. You and I both felt it. It was my life you reacted for. No other thoughts were in your head than the thought of me dying. None of them had that... She said.
Then... I'll dance with you in the moonlight. I said suddenly. And we will go to the southern te fa. If there are Palm trees, then I feel like it would be greatly enjoyable.
She smiled We will then. And you and I shall dance under the moonlight. Tonight too! She suddenly said. She seemed to desire this more strongly than I was aware.
Aria... do we feel emotion in the same way? I found myself asking.
What do you mean? She suddenly asked.
Sometimes... there would be colors after we stop sharing our emotions. Like you would be extremely vivid but everything else would be different. The flowers colors would be more complex than I was previously aware, and the sky would be extremely bright. I explained. with a measure of anxiety.
You are experiencing the effects of our caim duc. Your heart is not used to our perception of the world. I see you always as a vivid collection of colors. Your eyes almost are the ocean itself they are so blue, your emotions are like a mountain stream, and your loyalty is like an imposing mountain. When I look at you, my mind can feel overwhelmed by the presence of you in it. Yet the feeling is not frightening. Rather, there is a feeling of comfort, like you are the embodiment of what an island is.
I was taken aback by this. Uncertainty clouded into my mind as I took time to understand what she meant. Will this become a normal thing? Will I always see like this? I asked her.
As we lock ourselves into step, we both change ever so slightly. For some, the changes are greater, for some, they are more intimate. Being around you has reminded me about how much this world has. Yet I can see your ease at shutting the walls of your heart to focus on the present.
She said.
That... explains a lot actually. I've felt my perception of colors change as I've spent time around you. The te ze is all vivid but yours is sharpened. Your aquamarine hair shifts like the waves of the ocean and your shard always glows to me like the setting of the sun. Yet your skin shines always to me like a full moon. It is as if I am watching a myth while feeling a legend...Yet, I find myself experiencing emotions of those around me. Or rather, I feel yours all the time, but a few days ago when Amelia fled after hurting me, I could feel her every emotion like they were my own. I am used to always feeling calm. Yet being around you, I have never felt calm. I've felt my emotions fairly sing with every action I take. Every single feeling I feel has been so much more amplified as late. I confessed to her.
She smiled as I described my feelings. You are feeling things like a Gardevoir should. She simply said. What you are feeling is natural. Our caim duc have begun beating as one after all!
I couldn't help but laugh as she said this. Despite the gloomy mood of the rain, we still managed to find joy in each others arms.
Slowly, we fell into a dozing sleep as the rain carried on. It was only when sunlight struck our eyes that we both began to stir awake.
Drenched in Vanilla twilight, the field had taken on an almost magical feeling. The waning light gave everything a warm hue , yet the darkness of the clouds refracted the light just enough to bathe us in a direct sunlight.
As we walked out of the te ze to look at it, I felt my hand take hers, then I communicated the experience as I was seeing it.
Then, I felt a flood of color as the vanilla coloration began breaking into a variety of hues that all seemed to interact with one another creating a kalediscope of emotion. I felt the mellow sun mix with the refreshed grass as pleasant droplets of water acted as miniature prisms. Casting a warm rainbow.
The impermanance of the vanilla twilight made the feeling that much more intense for me. Its fleeting nature seemed to reflect the melencholy mood perfectly, yet it added a pleasant bookend that served to cause Arias mood to soar.
Shortly afterwards, I sat down to write my field notes for the day.
4 July 3130.
With the pairs tending to the care of the newborn ralts. Aria and I began assisting with more tasks than we normally took on. Her primary role was that of the instructor of dance and song. Yet we have been compelled to assist in gathering food and water. I find myself frustrated by the fact that I cannot use psychic abilities. Thus, It is one role that I am unable to adequetly fulfill without the use of tools. I'm not happy that I cannot equally help out wit-
I suddenly stopped writing.
I reread my field notes, then compared them to the previous days, then flipped back to 19 June for comparison.
I realized that I was not writing observations with this entry. Instead, I was writing about my feelings as I helped out around the te ze.
The wave of realization was associated with a feeling of shock as I realized the full depth of what I was doing. Tentatively, I decided to write this out in its entirety before Trying again.
-with the simple tasks. If I had some psychic abilities it would be easier. However, it is a grim reminder that no matter how well integrated I have become into this society, I am still physically human. I feel at odds with this. I have developed a cultural identity that I cannot rectify with my physical appearance. I feel inadequete about not seeing color in the same way as her, and I feel uncomfortable when I realize that I do not have a heart that seats my soul like hers does. Because of this, I am worried that I won't ever be good enough. That the bond we hold will never be good enough for her.
Further... I find myself...desiring her. We are mates. Yet we find ourselves slowly moving towards actually mating. I'm starting to feel anxious about the effect this will have on us. I am afraid that I will never have the depth of feelings towards her as she does to me. I feel as her, but I get the feeling my emotions are blunted by my being a human. I worry that what she feels from me is a gentle trickle of emotion rather than the oceanic waves I feel from her.
Further, I worry that she will desire more and more yet will never be able to get it from me because of my humanity. I feel conflicted by these doubts. Yet, I have recently begun to feel as if they are simply worries based upon my recent realization of the scope of emotions that I can really feel. I'm used to having my emotions blunted. I'm used to them entirely being within my control. Yet the sudden surge has left me wanting more. I feel ourselves locking into the same mood and I feel thoughts forming that seem to be hers. I wonder if she has the same feeling as I do?
I looked at the short note, then tore it out suddenly.
I flipped the page to a clean sheet, then began to write once again.
4 July 3130
Temperatures: High 80's
Weather: Morning sun, afternoon storms.
As I have been living with the Gardevoir social unit since the date of my injuries, I have become more aware of the significance of their group dynamics.
The parent gardevoir pairs now dedicate the entirety of their time to feeding and caring for the young. Daily, the Aquamarine Gardevoir and I are tasked to retrieve foods and water.
The fruits that are collected are then peeled and then crushed to a watery pulp This is then slowly fed to the Ralts. It feeds roughly 5 times daily and sleeps in between a majority of feedings. The other ralts has relied more strongly on the Aquamarine Gardevoir. As it is now able to control its psychic abilities to a degree, it assists her with collection of water and fruit. After these tasks are complete, assistance is rendered in converting some of the fruits into a soup like mixture described above.
In the early afternoons, the Ralts and the aquamarine then practice the craft of songmaking.
Based upon observations so far, the importance of creating and reciting song is strongly valued in gardevoir culture. Through a basic telepathic link, awareness was made of the content and social importance of their songs.
Their individual songs are meant to communicate pieces of their culture and traditions. They have a mythologic cycle that is communicated in song. However, there are also dance techniques that accompany these songs. To date though, dance has not featured in this particular social group. This suggests that there is regional importance but individual choice concerning the importance of song.
Satisfied, I sat back from the field notes, then turned to look at Aria as she played with Asa.
I stood up, then walked over to join them in the dying daylight.
Are you sure that it is that important? I found myself asking.
What? are you embarrassed to dance? Aria asked in a teasing tone of voice It's like you've never tried expressing yourself in song.
It's just... I said as I held up the item she handed me. Let's put aside that it is a gown for a moment. Heck, let's put aside the fact that there is a slit running up the middle. And just for giggles, let's put aside the fact that you want me to not wear pants during this. However, don't you find, all these other facts, which are, I might add, very important in their own rights, aside, that this might possibly just probably be a bit on the small side? I held up the seemingly tiny garment as I said this. Like, I don't know if you are aware of this, but our bodies are kind of different sized.
I don't see how that's entirely important Aria said in an airy tone.
With a sigh of resignation, I just decided to go with it.
I'll save you the description. It is very much as bad as you can imagine. A 5 foot 5 inch man wearing an outfit intended for someone who had an 18 inch waist and a 24 inch bust.
What was important though, was that for some reason it did fit and comfortably.
My embarassment was still there as I stepped out from our qu fon, our sleeping area, and into the field where the full moon hung serenely above. The rest of the te ze had fallen asleep, so it was only us and the night.
Arias delight floated into a wonderous crest as I joined her under the moon. There was a tension in the air as I took my place in front of her. I felt anxious about learning how to dance. And I also felt nervous about getting it right.
However, I felt the desire to better understand her. To understand her perception of emotions. I wanted to understand the significance that the dance had to her. Her connection to the power of myth.
So, I swallowed my reservations and gave her a small, embarassed smile.
Alright se frau, I am ready to learn from you I said in an encouraging tone of voice.
Beh Sze, clear your mind first. Allow yourself to be aware of yourself in this field. Feel the nightwind upon your skin, and the moonlight upon your eyes, let all thought fall away.
As I closed my eyes, then stopped concentrating, I slowly felt a sensation of higher awareness envelop me. There was a slight disorientation that I was aware of, but upon her suggestion, did not concern myself over. Little by little, I felt my thoughts fall away, observations dying, errant thoughts falling to a sea of white noise that seemed to flow like the flowing of a stream. It was a feeling I always knew about, lurking just below all things, yet never in my awareness.
You will feel your fec du, it is a familiar feeling that has always been there. Let it now rise up until you feel as if you are swimming in it. Let it slowly expand to fill your entire perception
At the time, I did not think about what she meant. Instead, I allowed my awareness to turn to that stream of white noise that seemed to suddenly begin growing louder with every second. I felt it from my fingers as a gentle humming sensation that perhaps was always there, my ears was filled with a ringing noise that I later remembered as being like tinnitus only with a gentle tone, My closed eyes perceived it as a feeling as if something was moving that they were unable to track, a ghostly band of something that always lurked beyond their range. My noise was filled with a metalic tang and the sensation of something thick. My tastebuds seemed to be aware or something that lurked just beyond memory. It was an encompassing feeling, a feeling I had only dim awareness of otherwise. a feeling I remembered from many nights past. Where there was a sensation of something that defied my ability to explain.
Sensing my immersion, Aria finally spoke again, Now, seek me out. follow the currents of your fec du, it will lead you to mine. I will feel as if a great lake that you suddenly find yourself in. But more importantly, your instincts will let you know that you have found it.
If I were thinking rationally at the time, this would have seemed absurd to me. However, rationality was displaced the day I felt the desire grow to be with her. Thus, I had no problems understanding the meaning of her words, If one thought in the terms of white noise, there was always motion, there was always some pull. To cede to that pull, was to allow the self to become in accord with what the soul desires. With the gentlest feeling of letting go, I felt a rush of motion even though my body remained still, I felt a searching feeling, as if I were grabbing my way to orient myself. However, the entire time, I felt these urges rise up, then fall away as the speed of this sensation dropped slowly. Then, I could feel proximity. Even though 10 feet seperated us, I had a sudden sensation of being mere centimeters away.
Then, I felt it, it was like falling into a great stillness where so much light danced softly underneath. I felt a sense of serenity wash over me as I somehow managed to follow these abstract directions to her presence.
Arms out, one to the front, one to the side, our souls are great depths of colors, our job is to connect these colors to create feeling. we do this, by moving. Feel the colors, then let their push guide your feet. Do not focus on your legs, do not worry about being balanced, and do not worry about trying to make the next move. the push of our emotions will guide us to the next color. From the connection of those colors, a new feeling will be created which will push us to the next. Our dance is to create the same feeling. We do so, to communicate that to one another.
Inexplicably, I felt a push and a sensation of cerulean. my arms seemed to react on their own accord as my body bent in response to this push. I felt myself being moved forward by a few steps. Then, as I and the wave of cerulean pushed forward, we suddenly felt ourselves be impacted by another color, this gently deflected us into a rotation as the two colors mixed to create a new color which then pushed us out of the spin, then forward. we rode this feeling until it collided onto another, though instead of mixing, we instead were pushed ever so gently along, our bodies rotating as a response to this.
Looking back on it, It reminds me of the waltz of flowers the dance which had a dreamlike quality. As if we were weightless, Aria and I moved in synchronization with one another. Soon, our bodies came towards, then touched one another. however, rather than this be a mistake, this was instead the push of the soul creating a feeling that we both experienced in tandem.
I felt it swell around me, as if I were encapsulated in the feeling and that rather than it be mine alone, it served as a conduit for her perception of the same moment to be comprehensible to myself. Our hands joined as we made contact, then, following the gentle suggestions, we navigated the flowing feelings as they were created. Unity was a strong feeling, joy, rapture. They were just the words, they were the names we gave for the feelings as they flowed. What it really was, was our hearts finally merging. The dance we performed was the dance of the moonlight. Our feelings reflected the mystery of the moon, and the serenity that it brought that was reflected in the serenity we found in each others arms.
Beh sze, you have crafted a feeling into a representation that we both are a part of. This is what the sensation of the dance truly is. Her words seemed to penetrate through the fog as we came to a gentle stop. Even as I opened my eyes, I could still feel the pulse of her soul. It simply refused to go away. Instead of the night being brighter or more vivid, it instead was intensified greatly. The mysterious light of the moon brought added contrast to her skin. The soft glow became much warmer as it reflected the serenity for all to see.
My breath, despite me being nearly overwhelmed, was strangely calm. I felt an incredible lightness as I experienced the shifting and free nature of her emotions myself. It was beyond rapture. I felt as if I were embodying them myself!
You worried once if your emotions would ever be able to match mine. If you would ever feel them as I did. You always will. When our hearts joined, you began to. Your emotions flow from you like a river. They flow to me like I am your lake. The same happens to mine. When you feel yourself become more aware of my emotions. You are feeling the flow of mine. But we must be careful, otherwise we will feed each other back and forth, your fear will become my fear, my fea then becomes your fear raised to my fear raised to yours, back and forth, back and forth, until the two of us fall into them entirely. We become overwhelmed and we are drained. Never allow yourself to loose control of that. Aria smiled then pulled me closer to her. Rather, her and I stepped closer at once, then we wrapped our arms around each other in tandem.
When our lips touched this time, the sensations seemed magnified. they all but vibrated within my heart as I felt our emotions simultaneously react to the simple physical interaction that kising brought. It rang through our bodies as we separated, when we proceeded to nuzzle, the affection seemed to magnify itself until it all but glowed a brilliant red color. physical sensations, normally like tender jolts of electricity, fairly charged the air. The entirety of the word fell away as we felt our hearts magnifying the emotions we felt in the afterglow of our souls joining together. Rather than be overwhelmed, it seemed to instead give us the strength to begin.
I was dimly aware of my body falling back into the long grass, of her falling on top of me. I only focused on her waist, on her face, on her eyes, of a sensation of looking through her eyes back to myself as they looked at my eyes looking back to her. I felt as my hand found an opening of her gown, then felt it push gently up towards her shard. I felt her heart in my hand, our heart. Our joined fec du. The joining of our soul the joining of our hearts. I felt my body push myself up closer to her as my hand left it then explored her breast. Then, I felt her as she pushed me to the ground.
That was the night that we joined both in body and soul.
Alright. This one was the one I was nervous about writing to be honest. This one touched on something that normally, I don't write about. This one danced around physical desire and fears of inadequecy. I am very much leaving it to the readers imagination to explore the depths that they go in intercourse. I intentionally left it out because nothing I could write would ever begin to capture the experiences that these two felt. Further, I felt like it would have distracted from the story. This event though, will have significance later. That is why I spent the time building it up.
A little note: Hold onto your butts refered to this chapter. Chapter 9 did a lot to set up the events that came to pass in this chapter. Chapter 9 and 10 represent the turning point as we move into the second half of the story. Thus, I felt that there was an essentiality in bringing events to this moment. I used Hold onto your butts only because I rather liked how S.L.J. Would say it before the major events in the movie, as if he unintentionally signalled the start of something that was greater than anyone was previously aware of. I knew as I went into this chapter, that I would be nervous writing it from the first letter. I felt like the completion of this chapter would make or break my motivation. If I wrote it and felt it was a good attempt at communicating their feelings, I could begin moving towards the climax of the story and bring the conflict to a head. That whatever direction I took the final arc, I could be happy.
The ending of this has grown hazy in a way, I thought that I would just cover one thing, but an offhand comment that Aria spoke hinted at something that may one day come to fruition.
Thank you for your reviews. I hope that the ride to this point has been enjoyable.